It is frustrating - Shaun - Jun 29th 2009
I do agree that some people come on here to cry. And believe me, I do feel your pain. I am on the verge of going into a doctor and get on meds and become a zombie. Least the mood swings from bi-polar would be less dramatic. I have lost lots of friends becuz of the bipolar. For those that don't have it, you really can't understand. People with bipolar seem to be mad at the world and mad at their loved ones, when really they are mad at themselves for knowing they arent "right" and they cant fully provide for their loved ones.
But I have to be honest. I have been struggling with this for my whole life,(and im 30) and it only recently occurred to me that faith is what everybody is crying for. Not to sound preachy or anything, but asking for forgiveness and living the right life does help a lot. The pain is real, and sometimes while praying for others and myself i will wake from prayer in shutter desperation, the hopeless feeling of...been here before and the pain still exists.
Talking is the best medicine, but talking to the right people is the key. I have talked my friends out of a friendship becuz of this. People that don't understand just dont understand, and therefore can't help. They hold on as much as they can and than they just give up.. It is self indulgant, but it is a mindset that can not be shaken... But there is hope for all out there who are struggling with this. Just keep the faith and never give up on yourself. Do what you have to do, but dont ever give up!!!!!!!! depression is back in taking control - mary jane - Jun 27th 2009
Depression is back in control of my life. It was influenced by others treating me badly though. It really is saddening because I had recently just started to feel a little happier and optimistic and then some does something messed up to me and now I have hit rock bottom. I woke up today wishing I was dead, and I really do not feel like moving on with my life. I try to be a good person and it just always back fires on me. Why do I feel like I will never be loved and treated right by anyone? I keep on getting treated poorly and this time it really messed me up. I can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. Everything now seems hopeless, and I have no one to turn to. I just do not care about this living process anymore. It is just endless punishment. I want to find peace, happiness, excitement, and gratitude again. Last time I was in a deep depression I was able to find a way out but this time feels much different and heavier than the last time. It is much more painful to point that I would rather have to deal with physical pain, at least I will know that I will heal from that, but this I do not see myself recovering from. I just do not know what to do with myself at this point. someone please help my husband he's gone crazy!!!! - Rachel - Jun 19th 2009
hello my name is rachel and me and my husband jay used to have lots of fun together but then something bad happened our daughter died of sids and we sepperated because of it but about 2 months later got back together and everything was fine until i got pregnant again only 4 months after her death i was scared and still am but i put her in her place so i would be able to raise another child but jay has become a monster he was fine for the first 6 months but turned he would yell at my and say that he wanted to get a devorice and that our baby wasnt his and he wanted nothing to do with her for 2 weeks i put up with it non stop and went into premature labor he then told me that i should give her up while she is in a hospital fighting for her life i refused to give up my new daughter and went to be with her 2 hrs away from home while he stayed at home and did nothing he doesnt work he sleeps all day and he wont talk to anyone in his family but his mother and they are a very close family he ssaid that he want a dna test i said fine and asked what he was going to do when the test said that she is yours and he told me that he was going to kill himself and told me 3 different ways he would do it i dont want him to die i just want him to be the dad he used to be and be there for his daughter so please if you have any advice i would be very greatful to hear it. How childhood pain feeds into our adulthood - Linda - Jun 18th 2009
I have a major reocurring major depression diagnosis along with PTSD and dissociative disorder all stemming directly from the 18 years of severe abuse I suffered as a child. I would like to invite anyone interested to visit my blog, Stop the Storm, at http://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/ because it would make me happiest to know that something I might be able to say might help someone else heal even a little bit more from whatever it is that might ail them. dealing with depression - MJ - Jun 17th 2009
I had written a comment on this site a couple of months ago when I had fallen into a deep depressed state. I am getting better now and have discovered some ways to manipulate my moods. It can be hard to change the way I think sometimes because I think pessimistically most of the time. The thing is to try to be more optimistic thinking. I tend see the flaws rather than the good side of things. I now realize that just seeing the flaws is not helping me or anyone else in my life. I decided I needed to try to be more sincere and instead of wanting to change, I am just getting off my butt and doing it. Another thing is do not isolate yourself. It really does just make things much worse. It’s like leaving yourself in the depths of your own dark prison cell. It is important to speak how feel and not just keep it locked up inside. Talk to your friends, spouses, or family members. If you feel like they will not want to hear from you then talk to someone in a chat room or some other website like myspace or facebook. Try to get yourself up to go out and do something. Go see a comedy movie or something that will make you laugh. The phrase “laughter is the best medicine” is actually true because laughter releases feel good chemicals into the body and it does lighten up the mood. Don’t give up on life just yet. There really is much more to learn about out there. Life has its woes but it also has its good times too. no help - chris - Jun 10th 2009
hi, reading through the comments on here has brought me to tears. so basically there is no help and we are all just left to rot. it makes my blood boil. any other disorder and help is at hand. if there is one thing that will get me out of this slump it will be to get out there and kick some arse so we the depressed can have some kind of hope. maybe it's the apathy we have is the reason as we are the only group that will not have the will to help ourselves. it's a shit situation,i would lterally give up my right arm to be rid of these demons. Re-Below - Karen - Jun 2nd 2009
This is for "I don't get it"- I see where your coming from, being in a marriage that long with someone who has sucked the life out of you, I've been there and believe me, you have probably made the right decision in leaving-it's not your job to fix someone else, you have your own life. And you are right, you don't get it. If you have never suffered from depression, you never will. It is an illness that is caused by a deeply scarring event, or a chemical imbalance in your brain-people can't help that and believe me, no one chooses to be depressed! some of you do sound a little "woe is me, life's soooooo mean" however. I really do understand how you feel-i too suffered from quite severe depression for nearly fourteen years and tried to kill myself twice as it was awful. You will get through it though, i found studying psychology as a hobby helped me to learn more about it and understand what I can do to help myself. Don't be self indulgent, exercise, go out on dates, do stuff you love, be around your family and friends, treat yourself, go on a trip or a holiday, never be alone. And most importantly, go to your doctor and get the proper medication to help you, see a counsellor, or confide in a friend. Talking helps and so do a crap load of prozac!good luck I don't get it - - May 28th 2009
I came across this site to print out some information for my husband to get the help he needs. I can't do it for him any longer because I am leaving him. 20 years of marriage and if I have to live through another episode I may not make it myself. Every trip ruined, we can't make any plans to do anything because I never know which person is going to be around. I don't get it. I am sorry for those of you who experience physical symptoms but most of you sound obsessed with yourselves. Ever tried any selfless behavior? Ever tried to help a sranger just because, without any benefit to yourself? It actually fuels you and makes you feel good. Exercise, volunteer, do something meaningful and for God's sake give your loved ones a break from your self indulgence. We are tired of convincing you that we love you and your life is beautiful -exactly the way that it is. You all chose to be here, the unpredictability of life was part of the package that you chose. Why did you choose life in the first place? There had to have been a reason. All I wana do is fall to sleep - - May 25th 2009
All I wana do is fall to sleep and dream for the rest of my life but i can't so I want to kill my self. I'm so fed up with this world. they fighting voilence racist critisims. Every thing i every liked is fading away I'v grone to live only to go to heaven I have no care what hapens to me now. or if people care if I do i just Don't care eney more i'v tried killing my self but i can't And the people who push me off the edges i just wana get a knife kill them and others then my self. life is to boring and frustraited I pray to god every night let me die. But nuthing good ever hapins I'm so sick of it. i dreamd of dieng every night difrent ways difrent endings over and over till i wake up some times. wat depresiion am I in and how do i get out. Pain that no one knows. - AquaRoach - May 21st 2009
I've been lonely for countless years. It's not an exaggeration, I litterly talk to zero, ZERO people. I've been down for months, and no one understands me or even know that I'm alive. I had a girlfriend, well at least I think, and she left for a couple of months. I went though so much shit, she did too. But she changed. I loved her, and I still do, but she says she doesn't love me anymore. My whole life revolved around her, and now shes gone. All I think of is suicide, the one person who saved me, my angel, is gone now. I've talked to shrinks and priests, called hot lines and emailed the samaritans but no one can help me. I'm so stuck and I don't see any solution. I've prayed so much, I'd give it all away for her to just say she loves me again. She understood me, the only person ever. I know how you all feel - - May 21st 2009
My concern here is you all need some answers and guidance in your life, and there is no body answering your calls for help here.Is there not a moderator or some kind of theripest to help here. I would tell you about myself but I see it is all ready posted all over this form. Been suffering over 40 years now and drugs yeas work for awhile then stop. If we could just talk I would send you my email adress. I know the pain too - Brad G. - May 20th 2009
This is my first comment. I too know the pain of clinical depression. I have been diagnosed with unipolar. The emotional pain can be unbearable. Almost worse than physical. I lost a sibling 29 years ago in a car wreck. He was 18 and I was 14. That event has caused me tremendous emotional harm. I am so scared that I have serious emotional issues that I will never resolve. I am currently on Prozac and waiting for relief. My thoughts are with all of the others who are hurting. We deserved better than this How i did my day - Chen dadajiji - May 14th 2009
I am the same as all of you guys. I have done 2 suicides already, first 1 was 7 years old and the next when i was 13. Now I am 34 and still the thought comes everyday. Until now, i am still the same. Nobody can notice it in me. You know why because i have found a cure how to live like normal people. Everyday i have a poison secretly on my side, nobody knows, and on the regular places i go, i have some poison also hidden there. It ease me, to think that everytime i need it, i have it. Everybody sees me as a good person, nobody knows what is really inside of me. I just made sure that anytime it would be my last day and i want to be remmebered as a good man, thats why i am hardworking and living a prayerful life. I prayed so much that if i will have to commit 1 sin, it would be suicide. I dont know if this helps you. But on me, it works. Anytime and anyplace somebody needs my help even if it cost my life, (like rescue somebody inside a burning building where nobody can enter) i am just here available. Now im functioning better, i made this positive even though i am negative. Nobody knows except me and God. Seems like there is no escape! - Brad - May 13th 2009
Today is another day, just like all others, wake up, throw up, my physical pains are so bad that I believe that the doctors have missed something huge and I am being consumed by pain, has anyone ever delt with this much pain from depression!!!! I try to have a positive attitude, but it is always the same outcome. I am taking 8 pain killers a day that just takes the edge of the pain away, but everyday more problems are attacking me, I keep going to the doctor and they tell me there is nothing more they can do for me, that really sucks, where do I go now? I totally believe in Jesus Christ, and do have a personal relationship with him, pray every hour or minute, but everything keeps getting worse, I am fighting for my life, but I am losing the battle, I have been going through this for a long time, I am a very strong person but I am at a point that all hope is lost, this merry go round ride has got to stop, I am so very tired of the same ride. does anyone have any insight about all this pain, Thank you to Maryanne, and anyone eles who has sent comments. survive this illness that plagues us all - Pedad's Girl - May 12th 2009
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I also am bipolar manic depressive. It is a hard long road but if you take the time to help yourself and find a good counselor and doctor that won't just drug you into a coma you can survive this disease. Just always remember that there is always someone out there somewhere that thinks of you every day whether you know it or not. My brother and I weren't close and he commited suicide four years ago. I was devastated. I am the suicidal one in the family and they are what keep me here. I also have a daughter that I refuse to leave alone in this crazy world that we live in. Never give up faith and always remember that you are loved and would cause so much pain to friends and family if you were to leave us. I may not know you but I do care and the things that I read in this forum sadden me greatly and I pray for all to be strong and safe and to survive this illness that plagues us all. To all I send out a prayer and god bless all. depression or bipolor? - Erika k - May 5th 2009
My boyfriend has been dieanosed with depression but i think it is biopolor myself he has been on depression meds for a 3 weeks and they dont seem to be working. and i think he needs to be redianoesed. thanks for the comments made Brad - - Mary Ann - May 5th 2009
I know how badly you feel because I am there as well. I couldn't get out of bed this morning, but finally did, and am trying to find a way to help myself. I am going to start taking vitamins because I'm not eating right. Vitamin D seems to be a good one to take. I live alone, have a 25 year old son as well, and have been divorced for 22 years. At times I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up, but that is not what my fate is today. If you haven't seen a professional, make that your first priority. If you have and are not making any progress, consider changing to someone else. You will make it through this!!!! We all will. We can't give up. Am I depressed?? What can I do about it? - Tina - May 3rd 2009
I think I need help and I am not sure whether I am depressed or not. I'm 19 years old and I have done very well at school and I am at uni now, but I have always struggled with having relationships with people. I was educated in a private school and never felt like I belonged. When I went to uni I became very close with this girl and we practically used to do things together. After about 4 months I felt like I put so much effort in the friendship as I was always ringing her, texting her and going to see her. I expressed how unhappy I was with things and she apologised and said sorry for taking you for granted. That's not how I felt, I just wanted to mould the friendship. I've tried talking to her and we spent 3 hours talking but she said things would never be the same. We don't even talk now and I just feel very unhappy and I just find myself crying half the tym for no reason. I can't concentrate and it is almost 3 months since it happened. She was one person that I was actually very close to at any point in my life. I can't concentrate and I feel unloved and lonely. I feel like no one understands me. People always say you are a lovely person, cheerful smile and a blessing but i dont feel the same inside. Am I depressed? Reply To Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - Chelsea - May 3rd 2009
Thankyou for the advice, I'm actually touched that someone would even bother to reply to me. brad - - May 2nd 2009
Stay strong Brad. Just keep thinking about your daughter and how much you care for her. I too have been struggling with my depression for most of my life. What has held me back from committing suicide is how badly I know it would hurt others. I am sure your daughter would be extremely sad and scarred for life if you were to leave her like that. Try getting healthy again and find a caring therapist. I am also finding out how difficult it is to talk to peers about my depression, since they do not understand what all of us are going through. There are online chat rooms, and groups that talk about their depression and support one another. It is a lot easier talking to someone who knows what you are going through. Find group support. What to do? - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - May 2nd 2009
Dear Chelsea, Your mother does not understand the very serious nature of what you are telling her. So, what I suggest you do is to start with your school guidance counselor to whom you must tell everything, including the depression, self harm and, i bet, suicidal thoughts. Tell the counselor that you want and need help. The counselor should take it from there and do what is necessary to get you some real help. Dr. Schwartz Am I Unipolar? - Chelsea - May 2nd 2009
I feel depressed and lonely most of the time. I'm very anxious and paranoid too. I tried talking to my Mother about this but she just dismissed it as 'teenage moodiness' because i'm only 15. What she doesn't know is that I cry most days and I self harm frequently. Also (I don't know if this is relivant), I am very obsessive about neatness and when I'm very depressed I have been known to spend hours redoing simple things until they are completely perfect. For example, yesterday in French, I spelled one word wrong in my book and completely lost it. I re-wrote my entire book and then tore up the old book into what must have been over a thousand pieces so that no one would know that I had made a mistake. life is so short - brad - May 2nd 2009
just trying to reach out for the last time,depression hurt's so bad I don't think it can be measured, how doe's one keep going! Massive depression-unbelievable PAIN!!!!!!!!! - Brad - May 2nd 2009
My life seems to be coming to an end, I live in so much pain that it has become unbearable. My wife left 10 years ago, I Love her still till today, I have tryed everything to get her back, but she refuse's to reoncile. We are still married 27 years, she refuse's to understand depression, tells me just to get on with my life,end of story! I have two children,my son 25 who is married with a son, he is young and also doe's not understand about depression, he just listen's to mom, and his life is out of control, anger problems. I have the greatest 11 yr old, carley, she is a angel, the perfect little girl. I have pretty much just living for her, she is my whole world,I breath just for her. And then there is my mom, another angel, her prayer's and friendship have got me this far, The pysical pain that I endure each day is beyond what I can handle anymore! My dad also doe's not understand my depression, he is consumed by all his cars and himself, tells me just go to work,put money in your pocket and everything will be ok, I really just want to cry. which I am doing most of the time anyway. I feel so empty, all I think about is making this pain STOP!!!! I tryied to take my life 2001 ney years day,took 10,000 mil norco,drank a bottle of teqilla, then hung myself, my son found me,woke up 1 month later after being in a coma, stunned the doctors that I survived. I have tried all medications, went through hospital programs a couple of time's, had a great counsler, but nothing help's, All the joy is gone, there is nothing left but this broken 47 yr old man,If someone could understand that I'm being ripped in half,Iam trying to stay for my daughter,yet I have to die to make the pain STOP! I have been told by everyone I know I am the nicest guy, alway's helping other's, love life,but cannot help myself! I am so tired!!!!!!!! I pretty much know this is the end,I feel 100 times worse than I did in 2001,I have lost all, my will is done!I have no more fight left! I don't know if anyone will even read this,or if I will even be here to get a reply, I don't look as god let me down, for I have let the Lord down, may the Lord forgive me, and other's like me. Peace out! Don't know what to do - Joe - May 1st 2009
Yesterday was my worst day of my life for several day I had thought about taking my live but I never got so close to it until yesterday am a us soldier that don’t really have purpose in life anymore I don’t have a reason to keep going . My family is gone wife and my two lil girlsi did this to my self and maybe yeah am crazy am maybe yeah, I have PTSD and maybe Hell yeah I have a stress disorder all I know is that I can’t sleep at night all I do is just drink and smoke yesterday my brother-in-law call and he star telling me how bad he was doing and for some reason he asked me if I was ok I couldn’t hold it and I start crying just like a lil 2 year old I told him to take care of my family and that everything I did it was for a reason, I love my family yeah maybe am not the best person here in the word and yeah maybe I have problems just like anyone out there, but I love my family and if I don’t have them I don’t want to be here. depression hurts - Angie - Apr 28th 2009
wow i never knew their was so many depressed people in this world! i also suffer from depression basically my whole life has been a total nightmare and i also have tried many medications that mever work does any-1 know of something that actually works? write back let me know thanks Please seek help YOU'RE NOT ALONE! - Andrea - Apr 27th 2009
Hi Mary Jane my name is Andrea and I'm 24 years old. I also suffer from depression. It's been almost two years and I still have a hard time coping with it. But I suggest that you get help wether it be medication or a therapist. They do help it will only get worse. I'm on two antidepressants and they help me cope with the sadness that's in my head. I tried to kill myself multiple times. I had a plan too. It got so bad that in March of this year I spent 3 days in a psych ward. I felt nuts like my mind was gone. I was like OMG what's wrong with me? Why is this happening? The thing is we have an illness there's no cure for it but there is help avaliable. Please seek help. You don't want to hurt yourself. I know how you feel waking up everyday feeling hopeless and worthless and unloved by anyone. I'm still struggling with my depression some days are better than others. You just have to keep trying because it does get better. As for your friend don't listen to her/him they don't understand that our illness is in our head and we can't think about something else or snap out of it. There's help out there please seek it!!!! Never feel happiness or excitement, depression is affecting my relationships - mary jane - Apr 24th 2009
I have experienced issues with depression since I was 9 years old, and am 20 now. I think depression has affected my interaction skills with other people and I am more of an anti-social person. I have never had very many friends, and I did not interact with other children well and have always been kind of a loner. I started to have suicidal thoughts when I was 13, continued to have them throughout highschool, and now have been experiencing thoughts again over the past couple of months. Depression seems to always be involved in my life, and I can’t remember the last time I felt the emotion of happiness. I also do not get excited over things that used to be important to me. I used to like to go out with friends, now all I want is to be left alone. I feel as though I have to force myself and try to maintain friendships. I have never been ever to get involved in a relationship, because I am just not an intimate person. I do not believe in love and just see it as a fairy tale. I do not think I will ever want to start a family. I have lately also been easily frustrated and angered over minor things. When I feel overwhelmed with these emotions I like to deal with it my punching things or digging my finger nails in my skin. If my hand gets bruised I am usually proud with the results. I have never had a close connection with any of my family members. I have been raised by a tough love relationship with them. They do not show me any respect. I do not believe they will ever take my depression seriously unless they were to discover my dead body. I have just recently came out to a close friend with my problems of depression, and all she told me to do was just not to think about it, and sort of brushed it aside. I cannot think about it if it is always just there in my head. I know that I should probably see a shrink, but I do not believe that any pill can solve this problem. Drugs sometimes do not affect my body. I have a good feeling that I will always experience depression. I do not want it to affect me to where I lose my job, or to a point where I can not take care of myself anymore. It’s like a never ending battle, a shadow that constantly tends to drift into my life. my cutting is so bad now - Bri - Apr 22nd 2009
I am 15 and at the end of January my boyfriend committed suicide. a week after I myself attempted suicide. I was hospitalized and then when realeased I had to stay at a children's hospital for a week. My life at home has never been good. And now with my boyfriend gone I have never felt so alone. I am on medication and have a therapist & pshyciatist. I cut myself all over my stomache & back. If I dont cut then I have an anxiety attack. I use anything i have when I feel the need to cut. so far I have used: knives, scissors, keys, tweezers, and my own fingernails. Not only do I cut myself, but i bite the inner part of my lips, tear at my gums, peel my lips, pull my eyelashes & hair, tear the skin by my nails off, and pinch myself just to name a few.I used to want a future for me but now all I want is to die. My cuts & behavior are getting so bad that my therapist is considering sending me back to the Childrens health hospital.Part of me wants to stop and have a good life but my cutting is so bad now that I completely zone out when i do and I cant stop myself.Iv never been so alone and yet I have all the help in the world.Sometimes I feel bad for being such a bother cause i need so much help. This makes me wanna die even more cause if i wasnt here then noone would have to deal with me.I feel like the only one who really loved me and wanted me here was my boyfriend. But now hes gone and theres no one who really loves me.I dont want sympathy. Im just tired of pain.I havent always been unhappy. I used to be the perky and bright and funny but now Im always thinkin about "what if I just die" Waiting for Meds to Work - - Apr 20th 2009
i've been depressed since i was 10. i'm 29 now. i finally saw someone for the symptoms last fall, since then i've been hospitalized twice in two months. I was diagnosed with recurant major depression. I keep hearing - wait for the meds to work - they never do. meds are supposed to stablize me, but i feel worse than ever. i wish i could catch a break. my life is marked by failure. several of you are in far worse situations then myself - Jason - Apr 12th 2009
I've been searching Google for somewhere I could chat about what's been bothering me, while I didn't find what I was looking for which was I guess a chat room with some sort of professional but I think that finding this place was better.My depression can be so bad sometimes that I go to sleep praying not to wake up, while for various reasons I do not believe suicide is the answer I have been thinking about it very very often lately.I lost my job because of it, I smoke pot several times a day because of it, my family struggles so much with me trying so hard... just to bond with me because of it and I can not do it. I dont even know why I sometimes think I've figured it out and maybe I have... but dont have the ability to act on what I need most to do because of how much it will upset me and those involved at the time.After reading several other's stories... I want to apologize. I have no place venting here because I see several of you are in far worse situations then myself. I guess the reason I'm posting, is to try and offer help to you. I have no credentials but I know how bad I feel... and think I would understand how bad some of you feel.I want to offer you hope, love, and compassion. If you want to email me to talk, I encourage you to do so. It seems the times in my life wCahere I remember being happy, I was always doing something for somebody who really needed it and with a world like ours where helping somebody else just without personal gain or an alterior motive is so rare... please dont hestitate.No one should feel this way, it is the most literal thing I could think of when I imagine the term 'hell on earth'Maybe the problem with all of us is we are separated from each other, and the reason we all feel this way is because we want to be united. When people work together instead of against each other the true potential of humanity is seen. Remember Hope - Jason - Apr 12th 2009
I've been searching Google for somewhere I could chat about what's been bothering me, while I didn't find what I was looking for which was I guess a chat room with some sort of professional but I think that finding this place was better.My depression can be so bad sometimes that I go to sleep praying not to wake up, while for various reasons I do not believe suicide is the answer I have been thinking about it very very often lately.I lost my job because of it, I smoke pot several times a day because of it, my family struggles so much with me trying so hard... just to bond with me because of it and I can not do it. I dont even know why I sometimes think I've figured it out and maybe I have... but dont have the ability to act on what I need most to do because of how much it will upset me and those involved at the time.After reading several other's stories... I want to apologize. I have no place venting here because I see several of you are in far worse situations then myself. I guess the reason I'm posting, is to try and offer help to you. I have no credentials but I know how bad I feel... and think I would understand how bad some of you feel.I want to offer you hope, love, and compassion. If you want to email me to talk, I encourage you to do so. It seems the times in my life where I remember being happy, I was always doing something for somebody who really needed it and with a world like ours where helping somebody else just without personal gain or an alterior motive is so rare... please dont hestitate.No one should feel this way, it is the most literal thing I could think of when I imagine the term 'hell on earth'Maybe the problem with all of us is we are separated from each other, and the reason we all feel this way is because we want to be united. When people work together instead of against each other the true potential of humanity is seen. to christine - Judi - Apr 10th 2009
Hi Christine I know how you feel. I have suffered from depression since early teens but did not have major depression adult well into adulthood. The medication can be confusing because it is not a cure that a lot of people think it is. The medication just dulls the depression and make like more managable on a day to day basis but the depression is still there. You can still feel it, live with it but it is a little easier to cover it up to others with the meds. I know psychiatrist might disagree with me about this but this is what I experience with them and I am on 2 different anti-depressants and almost max doasage. I tried to stop them once and ended up later in full blown major depression with panic attacks. I really lucked out with my psychologist. We are in tune with each other. I picked his name out of the phone book. I kept looking at his ad and was really drawn to his name and no one elses. I had tried Dr. suggested therapist but did not work out the same. I have not met a psychiatrist yet that I feel contected with or understands what I am going through. The last one thought the the pills should be working and everything should be fine now. At one point I felt so frustrated because I did not know how to explain to her what was wrong with me and started to cry so she asked me to leave her office and that she could not help me. If it was not for insurance purposes I would never go back to a psychiatrist as I don't think they understand depresssion and anxiety like psychotherapist do. To them it is all about medication and group therapy, which is the last thing I need. Will I Ever Feel Better - Christine - Mar 21st 2009
I have suffered from anxiety, depression and panic disorder since I was not quite 20 years old. I have been to so many therapists and psychiatrists I could even tell you how many. I have been medicated with dozens of different meds through out the years. I do fine for a period of time and then I hit bottom, not being able to work, face the world or be productive. I am in one of my major down swings now and while I would never take my life; I must say sometimes I feel like a lot of people would be better off with out me. When I am doing good I love my job, I get along with people and I am easy going & fun. I have never been formally diagnosed as bi-polar but often wonder because of the cyclical highs and lows I have. I feel as if I am sort of a manic. Happy and sweet as can be sometimes and the next day miserable and bringing down the whole world around me... can anyone suggest any form of therapy to help other than meds; not that I am against meds; I am currently medicated and it doesn't seem to help. 48 years old but feeling 68... - - Mar 18th 2009
i am so tired. have nothing to look forward to except death. i have an 18 year old son, and he's the only one that keeps me going, What do i do??!! - Genny - Mar 16th 2009
Hi, im 18 and have been depressed from the age of 9, and its getting so bad i cant even function like a person should! I have a daughter that is 9 months old, and her father wants nothing to do with her, so its me and her. I have been thru basicly all types of abuse, and i have not talked to anyone about any of it. and i just cant take it anymore, its not just hurting me anymore, its hurting my daughter! My whole life i just didnt feel like anyone rly loved me... and i really cant take it anymore! I dont have money to see someone that can help me, and i was wondering if anyone could help me find help.... my mum has tryed sucide 8 times - kelly - Mar 14th 2009
my mum has tryed to kill herself her last attempt was only last week and she did almost die she ended up in ITU for 2 days and needed to be put on a machine that keepet her alive she was put on medicine to try and counteract the tablets thats she had took after one and half days she woke up and was moved to HDU where she stayed for another four days a doctor asked her if she had planed to kill herself she said yes she has just been moved down to a normal ward where she is so unhapy and she asked me to bring her home. Before she is released she needs to talk to cpn about her problems. They still don't now what kind of damage she has done with the pill's she took over 200 tablets. She see's a dr for her deprssion once ever three mths for half an hour which is not alot of time for somebody who has tryed sucide 10 times there is only so much i can do to help her i have my own family to look after now and i have tryed my best The only question i have left now is how many times does somebody need to hurt themselves before somebody helps them does it take this wahat she has done?????????????????????????????? for every bad there has to be a good! - lolly - Mar 11th 2009
Hi. its so sad to read that so many people are suffering. I'm 17 and have suffered some kind of depression scince i was about 13. i have self harmed and taken 3 over doses. the most recent just over a week ago. professionals within the NHS are, sorry to say, quite useless. they just expect you to know all the answers, which if you knew you wouldnt be as low as you are. they dont try to get to know you and make you feel comfortable, how are you ment to open up to some one you dont know or trust???? I've found my community phyciatric nurse quite patronising, telling me if i dont take the tablets i've been prescribed nothing will get better! as alot of you may know anti=depressants are horrible to take and the side effects can be horrendous. and fancy telling some one your notgoing to get better with out drugs. Last night i thought to hell with it i'll try open up to my self, i wrote down what makes me angry, why am i so angry? what makes me tearful and sad? why do i feel like that realy? for every negetive thing i wrote i thought of a positve and if i couldnt i would wirte why not??? whats missing what can i do to help myself, easier said than done!! but slowly over a couple of hours every thing that has been wirling around my head, every thing i feel guilty about, every thing i feel angry and sad about, every thing i have tried to hide was there on the paper. now i feel like when i see my CPN again i can give her that and hopefuly it'll answer her questions. its so hard to get 'positive' i've had to give myself a hard kick into gear, i try and set myself goals for each day just simple things like, take the dog for a walk, attempt some sourse work, have a tidy up, things that most people just do with out thought, but the things that become so hard when you depressed. I'm also going to try : emotional freedom technique, wich is bsed on life coaching and massage seems abit far out, but i think it will help. You just have to find some inner stength and realy be honist with youself and identify the route course of your unhappiness, wether its one huge thing, or lots of little things that have built up, there is hope, if you cant tr writting things down, not to make them better but to idetify the prob and if you feel you can then professional help is a gd idea jst so that some one knows and may b they'll give you some useful info and help. please guys dont give up on yourselves. xx HELP - Lisa - Mar 10th 2009
I am 44 and I am so unhappy. I have a history of depression in my family and can't keep a job, I am having trouble with my memory, and just can't feel any hope. I was on Cymbalta and then on Zoloft and both never changed my outlook on life. I stopped taking the Zoloft and thought I was doing better but I still missed work, even though I thought it wasn't from depression because I didn't have that "thing"in the pit of my stomach anymore. I am not lazy at all, when I do go to work, i give 110% and I loved my last job. I do self-medicate with Tramadol, Klonopin, and take Ambian at night along with 2 or 3 tylenol pm's. I know this is not good and I know I need to be on a anti-deppresant but I have no idea which one and I want to go to work everyday like everyone else. Even my mom, who was very depressed and suicidal went to work. She got up every day and went. If I could at least do that, I think other things would fall into place. When I am working, I only take 1 klonopin and 2 or 3 tramdol during the day but still....how can i love a job and then can't get up and go...please help, maybe some names of anti-deppresants that helped in this area would really be great. By the way, my mother did have a chemical imbalance and self-medicated and both grandmothers, one had shock treatments way back when and the other apparently self medicated for awhile until my grandfather put a stop to it. I could never tell you my life history cause that would way too much typing. Right now I just want to be able to get a job and not lose it due to missing too much work. My mother never missed work. So if anyone knows of SOMETHING, then please give me a name because this is getting worse and this economy is not good. Thanks It feels good to read other people's comments and stories - alma - Feb 28th 2009
It feels good to read other people's comments and storie. I myself have been coping with major depressive episodes on and off since I was about 17. My mother is bipolar, so it seems I get it from her side of the family. Besides dealing with my own problems; having worked only 12 out of the last 14 months because of this downward economy, losing my car, my apartment, and serious problems with my boyfriend who I was living with at the time I lost my apartment.... I also have to deal with my mother who is homeless at the moment and refuses to accept that she needs help.... My father recently divorced my mother and the rest of the family on my mothers side being anything but helpful, it is so hard to deal with all of this. Everyone expects me to do something to help my mother when I can't even do anything to help myself. It is so hard to put myself out there everyday trying to put some meaning in my life when I can't even find a job. I am 27, college educated, and sleeping on my dad's couch. I was pretty close to being suicidal a few months back. If my boyfriend hadn't walked in on me I probably would have been in a hospital or in a grave. And then having my mother come in every other week or so just to argue and stir up trouble is not easy either. I understand how some of you feel. How it seems that the world is out to get you. How angry you feel at the world, watching all the people around you live comfortably, get engaged, build lives for themselves and you're just at the bottom, not even being able to scrape out an existence for yourself. When I was in college I was at least able to see the school therapist - now I can't even afford to go in for a check up.... 3 WEEKS IN. - MIKEY - Feb 23rd 2009
THIS DISORDER IF I MAY, HAS JUST HIT TO THE HARDEST EXTENT. I SERCHED THE WORD DEPRETION AND FOUND THE WORD MAJOR DEPRETION,IN WITCH I STRONGLEY FEEL EXPLAINES WHAT IVE BEEN GOING THROUGHT. IM 32 YEARS OLD & ON MY 3rd WEEK KNOW AND WANT TO BELEIVE I CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER, BUT ALL IM DOOING IS IS MAKING MY SITUATION WORSE, AND GETS WORSE EACH DAY. KNOW IVE BEGUN HAVING SUICIDELE THOUGHTS I DONT GET THE SLEEP I SHOULD BE GETTING AND HAVE NO APPATITE, IVE BEEN BEATING MYSELF UP WITH HATETRIDE AND DONT DESIRE THE COMPUNEY OF OTHERS. IM VERRY CONFUSED AND ALONE, CAN I REVERS THIS OR AM I AT RISK OF BEENG A THREAT TO MY SELF? Slowly Rebuilding - Lisbeth - Feb 21st 2009
I'm twenty five years old. When I was eighteen, I abruptly and suddenly developed severe depression, perhaps in part due to some very difficult life circumstances. This depression never left me. I tried different medications and counsellors and have a wonderful and fully supportive family who do their best to understand what I go through and to sympathize. School and working has been difficult, but along with my depression I also possess a very strong drive to succeed as I am afraid of failure and being judged as such and so I've kept pushing through in both areas. One person in this comments list talked about how she doesn't know who she would be without the depression. That's exactly how I felt. My identity and everything I thought I knew about myself - I was outgoing, talkative, intelligent, brash, witty, brave - had changed. I was withdrawn, silent, and always felt that I was being perpetually judged by the world around me. While I often wanted to be dead, I rarely thought of suicide because I know if I did it, my mother would certainly do it as well (she also suffers from depression) and I could never do that to my sisters. This past summer I went from my usual ongoing low level depression into an even darker place. I was beyond sadness, beyond depression, and into despair. My doctor referred me to a mental health organization in my town, as he years ago told me he didn't know what to do with me. Of course it took about three months for me to get in to see anyone and by that time I had begun clawing my way out and regaining my own form of normalcy - feeling worthless, etc. but at least not crying and sleeping all day. I saw a psychiatrist (I have three others previously) and he agreed I have severe major depression and switched up my medication. I also began counseling with a counsellor. Somehow over the last four months, I've been finding my old self again. I am still paranoid about being judged by other people, but I try to tell myself that I shouldn't care what they think anyway. I feel more confident and just more happy in general. I still have Bad Days (and we all know what those feel like) but they are less frequent and don't stretch out to weeks at a time. The point I'm trying to make is this: as dark as things may be and often are, if you can find the right kind of medication and the right kind of help, it is possible to feel better. That's all I really wanted to say. After six years I'd stopped believing it was possible. I thought that I was going to feel awful and worthless and useless forever. And that has finally changed. I'm fully aware that depression will probably come back sometime and drag me back down. But at least now I know I can make it out the other side. Please don't see this as one of those stupid "snap out of it" posts, and really please don't group this with those bloody "accept god and you'll feel better" posts. Just know that someone who was irrational, self harming, sleeping eighteen hours a day, paranoid, hallucinating, full of self hatred and self disgust, is somehow miraculously making her way out of it and finding herself again, and that means that maybe you can too. Hi Julie ... keep swimming - A - Feb 17th 2009
I too, swim a lot at my gym. It has been one of the best things for my chemical and emotional balance. Keep swimming and doing anything else, that you find that helps you feel better. I wish my ex, would have had any type of support at all from her family. She is alone now, again and I am in pain in my body and soul, after an abrupt and really bad breakup, from which I feel, that I cannot go back to her again. You can do it, I see a lot of strength in you as well, as intelligence in the direction to go. Keep going ! Stay strong ! Wanted to share something with you, I hope it can be inspirational, it is for me, even though now, I am having a hard time, getting out of bed as well and I feel, I may have depression now, after dealing with my ex's episodes for such a long time, here it goes: http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html and yes, I do know, it has got to be horrible. I may be experiencing this condition now, after a long time of dealing with it, with my ex. Best of luck, to you. Feeling hopeless - Julie - Feb 17th 2009
Hi, I am trying to think of a reason to go on. My boyfriend broke up with me after I found out he was looking for someone else on the internet. We dated for a year and a half. Not only did he break up with me before I got the chance to break up with him, he got mad at me. He has some nerve. Ever since this happened last night we have been exchanging angry judgemental e-mails back and forth. I suffer from severe major depression that is med resistant. I have suffered from this depression and anxiety most of my life. It has been a living hell. My family does not call me anymore. My sister whom I used to talk to every day does not call me anymore or have time for me anymore. My parents don't call me. My mother tries to be supportive when I call her. My father is an alchoholic and not healthy so I try to avoid him. Until this past year and a half my family has been there and been very supportive. Now its like I don't even exist. I also lost my best friend of five years because I didn't call her right back. She started getting symptomatic and paranoid from her illness. I try so hard to be a nice person and not offend people. Until this happened she had always been there for me. I thought she was the most wonderful person. Then she wrote me this nasty letter with all these lies and accusations about me that weren't true. My boyfriend who has a physical disability had the nerve to shove my depression in my face and tell me that I am feeling sorry for myself and wasting my college degree. He also told me that I should get a regular full time job and stop accepting financial help from my mother because she is not going to be around forever. This comming from a guy who lives at home with his mother and father who shelter him and do everything for him. He could never live on his own. He has very little responsibility and practically none at home. He doesn't pay bills. He doesn't have his own bank account. His mother cooks for him and does his laundry. Why does he think he has the right to judge me. My depression is a physical illness just like his. I was born with a chemical imbalance. It runs heavily on my mothers side of the family. I have come so far in the past year. I went from not being able to get out of bed to keeping a part time job for a year. I teach swimming lessons at my gym. I also swim 100 laps at least five days a week and competed in a mini triathlon. I volunteer. Despite this I am severly depressed. I am 42 years old and have never been married and I don't have kids. I will never have kids at this point and am smart enough not to with my illness, even though I am wonderful with the kids I teach. I also have a college degree which my ex-boyfriend says I am wasting. I don't think anyone can possibly understand the hell of clinical depression unless they experience it themselves. Relationships with anyone seem impossible. I don't know how people can hide this illness from others re: the women that would disapear and go to the hospital and not tell her boyfriend. The only personal relationships I have right now are with people from my support group who I find extremely difficult to deal with because of their illnesses. I want to lead a life outside my mental illness. I don't want to just be friends with people who are mentally ill. I am so sick of people telling me that I am lazy. Who would ask for this life. Unlike people who are depressed and say they have no reason to be. People that have a great husband, great kids, a nice career, friends I don't have any of this and therefore have plenty of reason to be depressed. Besides my chemical imbalance my biggest problem is dealing with other people and trying so hard to convince them that I do not choose to be this way. I don't know what to do with all my anger and jealousy and hatred towards this disease and my self. In many ways I find it much easier to be alone then to deal with others but yet I long to be a part of something and to connect with people. As time goes on I feel farther and farther away and disconnected from the real world. I have been so hurt and so abused in my life. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am still a friendly person despite this but I have such a wall up. It is a living hell. I am constantly monitering everything that comes out of my mouth so that I do not hurt anyone yet I will put myself down at the drop of a hat. I am so mad at my ex-boyfriend for all his harsh judgements against me and I am so mad at my family for abandoning me. Unlike others who suffer from this disease I do not fly into rages, take drugs or take my crap out on others. I take it all out on myself. I am tired of feeling like a victim and being abused. I am a very strong person. I stuck it out at work despite my boss who yelled at me and was extremely judgemental. Now things are going well at work and my boss likes me. In the beginning I had a problem getting to work and I think she held this against me. She would yell at me for every little thing. She does not know about my depression and I don't think she would care if I told her. She just cares that I do a good job and show up when I am supposed to. I am terrified that without the support of my ex-boyfriend that I will slide down hill again and not be able to get out of bed. I do not want to burden anyone with my problems. Unlike my ex-boyfriend who has alot of friends. I do not have that many. It is very difficult to have relationships with this illness. I am so angry that my life has turned out the way it has because I had so much potential. I am extremely smart. I am good looking. I am athletic. I have a college degree. I don't know how to get rid of the emotional baggage and hurt. I believe that if I was lucky enough to have a more supportive family then I could have had a far different life. I have so much anger towards my parents. They left me to rot in a psychiatric hospital where I was being physically and emotionally abused for the crime of having depression. I do not know what I did to this day to deserve restraints, to deserve being locked up in a little room with padded walls and a small window for days at a time. Despite that I went on to college and worked my whole life until I went on disability six years ago. I was attempting to be a Network Engineer but got fired. At that point I was tired of trying to work in the dysfunctional corporate world with this illness. Instead of picking up the pieces and getting another job I became immobolized, losing my apartment and sinking into a severe depression. I went from being a network engineer to working as a cashier at Lowes. With no money and nowhere to live I was forced to live in a supervised apartment where I had to deal with belittling social workers and nurses and people who were far sicker than me. Sociopaths, etc. My family could have realized I didn't belong there and take me in until I could get better or help me pay for my own place until I could get back on my feet. My sister has alot of money. I am so angry at them for not being there for me. I am so angry that people who are far dumber than me and sicker than me have better lives. My spirit has been broken. I am so damaged. I had to live in that toxic environment for five years before i got my own apartment. My sister told me that I should stop trying to blame people and places. Lets see her try to live in the environment I had to for five years and deal with social workers who treated you like crap. Who made you say the word purple whenever you thought you would get mad. Who would not help you find other housing. Who took your mail box key away because some sociopath said you were stealing her mail. I could have avoided that five years with the proper help. Instead of getting better I spent the whole time defending myself and speaking up for myself. Enough of this crap. I am more determined than ever to make it in this world but I should not have to live with this hell. After I swim I feel good but I can't swim 24 hours a day and I can't stand comming down after I feel good. I want to make choices in my life. I want to love myself. I want to stop beating myself up. I can't do this unless someone helps me with this horrible head of mine. It is a living hell. I may have absorbed depression from ex gf - A - Feb 16th 2009
I posted a longer comment before and I don't know, why it has not posted yet. I do understand how everyone feels with this, exercise, good food, maintaining occupied with work and/ or study and getting out and meeting with friends may help quite a bit, besides therapy and medication. In my case, I am reaching out for help as well. My ex, battled depression for 4 years at a very major level. We started dating 4 years ago and I never knew she had this problem, she would dissapear for a while and I would not think much of it, when she felt better she would come back to me and we would continue our relationship. Last year 2008, right around my birthday, she decided that she wanted an "official" relationship, meaning more serious and closer. This is when I started discovering that she had been to the hospital. That she needed to take meds and helped her through on several episodes, since all of her family had abandoned her and do not talk to her, unless she calls. They have given up on her. Well, it brought me down a lot of times, to be able to cheer her up for days, until she would get better. She was very loving to me and one of the best girls, I have seen on her good side. Yet sometimes, she would turn on me, it seems that she may have possibly had a split personality, slightly ... not sure if that would be a borderling disoerder ? Anyways, I realized that I was always there to help her, yet more then a few times, she just left me hanging, but would always seek for help. This ended up in a really bad way, for my birthday. I simply went to visit her, wanting closure. Wanting to end this in person. She had requested to keep the relationship with me, yet was not seeing me much the last month. She would call me, begging me to see her, to talk to her, yet when I would call she would start venting on me, screaming, being extremely upset and cold. All this and then she would call the next day and apologize. Well, on Valentine's Day and my birthday, when I went to talk to her, to end this and also took her a few gifts to cheer her up ... she ended up storming out of the house, angry at me. Got into her car quickly and backed up hitting me on my knee with the bumpers of her car. At this point, I will never forget the crazy face she had ... how she was wanting to cry and stop, but something inside was not letting her ... she just left and hit me with her car. The worst part is that she had been in touch a lot with my mother. Had asked her to keep visiting her while "we" worked this out. My mother had asked me to please bring her along, in case she had an agressive reaction. Well, my mother ended up getting hit by the car as well, because she tried to push me out of the way. Now, I am reading even more about psychology, I feel this has left a trauma on me now ... with women. I need to stay strong and remember, that I have had beautiful loving girlfriends in the past, who were very nice and nothing at all like this. I just feel that in the need to stay and try to fix her, I may have caused myself to get some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder in trying to fix her. I am also left with a huge depression, by this void. This is a relationship, that went through for 4 years. She always claimed that she loved me more then I loved her. That I was her "angel" and the best person she had met in her life. She did treat me good, but had these angry episodes. She also did have a "psychological" pregnancy twice, during the last year. Where she believed to be pregnant, her period delayed a lot and she would run to the bathroom and vomit, convinced that she was pregnant. I know that she did love me a lot, I do believe her, yet this other side, has caused such mixed feelings in my life, that it has left a huge void now in my heart, soul and psyche. This was a person, that was telling everyone, how much she loved me and calling me her "fiancee" or "husband". I felt like I was beginning to have a family with her at times and now it is all broken apart and like the worst nightmare I could have ever imagined. I have even lost my job at this point ... and well, may not even be able to pay my rent if I do not get something soon. All my friends, say that I am different. I am always the one to inspire friends, to be strong for them and give them good advice and lately I feel useless, powerless ... and hopeless. A I need help - Cody - Feb 9th 2009
Hi, my name is Cody and I'm 22 years old. I have lost all interest in everything. I frankly don't care about anything and I see this in my daily life. It's not right. I have been an active musician for the passsed 12 years and at one point i was happy. Iwas living life and I loved. But now i havent even touched my instrument for 2 months. I don't see what the purpose is anymore. I feel nothing but sadness, regret, anger, and anxioty all the time. If anyone is out there please let me know what i can do to fix the problem so i can go on to live a happy fullfilled life. To: Why should I hang around... - Jim - Feb 5th 2009
I am sure that many of us reading your comment can feel for you right now. I hope you have decided to continue living. I'm glad you asked the question. I suggest that the next time you feel suicidal, you go to a priest or pastor and share many of the thoughts you have shared here. I did. And, it helped. And, the person I talked with allowed me to let it all out. There's also the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK(8255). I think it best to talk with a live person face-to-face. Yes, living is better than dead, don't you think so? The person you talk with should allow you to purge and provide some assistance. They can usually suggest the next step that all of us need to take. That is to take measures to protect you from the depressed moods that you don't deserve. You deserve to be happy and there are many wonderful people who can help you. It sounds like your circle of family and friends can't help you right now. They are obviously hurting and aren't coping with life very well either. The person who helps you will help you find ways of relating to family and friends that does not continue to aggravate you. You said you are alone 95% of the time and that you have no one to talk to. Just make contact with one person whom you can trust who is experienced in ways that can help you. Please do it for yourself. From someone who has been there, I know that once you start, you can rest in the confidence that you are beginning the path to turn your life around. It is nice to hope again, even if it's just a little bit of hope. Wonder Why Anti-Depressants Aren't Doing The Trick? - Tamara - Feb 4th 2009
If you are over 35, female (even male in some instances) and have all the symptoms of depression but medication isn't quite helping it could be that your hormone levels are out-of-balance. Please give this a shot it will do wonders. See a medical doctor, ladies an OBGYN have your hormone levels checked. Estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, thyroid, FSH and LH. You may be surprised at what you find. There have been several great episodes on peri-menopause lately see www.oprah.com for more info. I had mine checked and WOW was I surprised. . . . . . Do i have a big problem? - mario - Feb 4th 2009
i am 20, i am not sure how long i am depressed, people that i know over the internet told me that something is not right with me and then i i was taking a look at myself: i think a lot about death (suicide sometimes as well, i never did it though nor did i hurt myself), i am mostly sad, i can have fun and smile but in the end of the day i am sad. I don't see any hope in the future, no reason to live on and i feel like if i would die today that i would not really rerget the fact that i won't see what tomorrow brings. I have friends but i don't feel like going out even though i have nothing better to do, i just sit at home and do stuff on my PC, i like to be alone, i have a lot of negative thoughts, i don't enjoy things in my life i used to do when i was younger, i feel bad about myself. In my life i don't really have problems, but anything i dreamed of and that did happen just doesn't make me happy, i think that even if i would be rich and had a lot of free time and could do anything i want i would steel feel like now. I lost my hope in god over time, the fact that there is something like that just doesn't make sense for me cause when i look at the world i can't belive that it is ok and that if there is a god that he would want it like that. Life just seams boring to me, i am tired of it even though i am young and have alot coming, but it all just doesn't seams worth living for, i know my familiy and friends love me thats why i never told them i guess. I don't talk to the people i know about how i feel about the world and life cause i know i would not like there reaction, i told my friend the other day that i am depressed and that i might need help, but i don't feel any better about it, i feel like when others know that i am depressed think about death that i will be more of a outsider then i already am. Its hard to say how much depressed i am and how serious it is thats why i got here, i see a lot of you have it a lot harder then i do tired of feeling horrible about life - - Feb 2nd 2009
i didn't realize how bad i was until i flipped out in a wedding dress shop today. im suppose to be a bridesmaid and i freaked after trying on dresses that i hated and i realized i hate my body, life , my dad, sometimes my friends , and my whole life. i feel worthless and ugly. i feel like i gave my life to others and forgot about myself. im 15 and feel like i should just give up now. no i dont mean kill myself i mean runaway or just stop talking so i fade into the back round even more. im ready for my heart to be whole again but at this point it never will. i will just have to let myself die inside slowly because as i see it i will never be me again. I feel alone - - Jan 28th 2009
I am a mother of a 2 month old and I have been feeling so depressed and angry and hurt at every little thing. It doesnt help that my bf mother looks at me like im a little kid and doesnt think im a good mother when I have a better job then she does and I make more money! Im 23 wtf I know im younger then I should be to be having kids but I feel like im mature enough to handle it. I have been doing the best I can to raise my son and I feel like im doing a pretty good damn job at it! So I dont understand why I feel like crap. I feel like taking pain killers just to make everything seem better. Even though I stop myself from taking them I still have that thought in the back of my mind. I never feeling like doing anything any more but sleep. I come home and take care of my baby and do nothing but lay around the house. I also for no reason just start to bust out in tears because I feel so unhappy. Im so stressed out I am always thinking about every little thing thats wrong in my life. I really do believe I need help. Or even to just to talk to someone I think would make me feel better. My boyfriends just doesnt seem to understand me. Anyone have any suggestions? why should i hang around? - - Jan 27th 2009
i am really searching for a reason to continue living.. and cant seem to find one.. i am 43 years old have diabetes which seems to get worse, being overweight and addicted to sweets naturally doesnt help my condition, my family in particular my parents just seem to tell me to snap out of it.. do things i enjoy and i will feel better as if this is solid and reasonable advice, they say hurtful and messed up things to me and we seem to just constantly fight when we are around each other, i hate my job to no end they pay is barely enough to survive let alone get ahead and the thought of going there in the mornings really makes me physcially ill, im divorced for over 10 yrs have no children the one thing in this world that i wanted more then anything,which seems i will never ever get to experience motherhood at this rate.. havent had a decent relationship and cant seem to find anyone who doesnt want to just sleep with me. i have one friend in this world who lives over a thousand miles away and has problems in her own life.. i am alone about 95 percent of the time, have no one really to talk to about my feelings or anything else for that matter, i think about just swallowing a bottle of pills and laying down and going to sleep for good.. can anyone.. tell me why i shouldnt? can anyone give me a reason to keep going day after day with disappointment after disappointment and nothing to look forward to, and no joy or happiness? anyone?????? U r not alone - Dawn Marie - Jan 17th 2009
U know i am ^%#@ up too ben that way, then convinced myself i was normarmal. Then i got mad at myselfe becuse i wasn't. it good then its not and so on and so on i am so tired of livin this lie to myself, getting hurt by people that i know that are going to hurt me and all that shit that goes along wih it just being sick and tired of being sick and tiered of all the same old story same old shit i did this to myself becuse why would i be he now......................... i am sick of all this i am sorry that sound the way it it does but what else...............................?????????????????????? i get it, totally - i dont like my name - Jan 8th 2009
i completely understand what you guys are feeling, Im not even 17 yet (not even 16) and ive been depressed for 3 years. i actually am getting over it. its not that horrible anymore. of course, i want to die sometimes, but thats only when that time of the month comes around. for the most part. sometimes i feel i have no reason to be depressed, cos i dont really have people in my family with heart problems, no boyfriend troubles, not really any sibling troubles, stuff like that. when i feel i have no reason to act like i do sometimes, i start thinking, "i wish i had a reason to be so depressed" and then i stop right there. cos i never want my family to hurt. i feel they dont care about me quite often. but i care about them a lot. my dad says its because im a loving child, and i have a big heart. maybe all depressed people have big hearts. which is why they get depressed. i dunno. i just felt i needed to confine something in someone other than my family. mys sister doesnt understand, shes too perfect. my brother doesnt, he's too friendly. my dad is having troubles with work, and he's a lot like me, so he's cool. but i feel i shouldnt confine in him, he has enough troubles to begin with. and i hate making people worried about me. my mom, well, she has God. so do i, but i dont nelect family like she used to. Im not sure what shes doing right now. if she cares or not, but she does more than she did before. im just living life, day by day. hoping something will comealong to make me accepted by my friends, some of whom dont care. others dont understand, and others dont try to. oh well. sometimes i wonder if they really are my friends. i know a few of them that are, even if they dont know how i feel often, but...my best friend confuses me. she likes older people, and since im not old. im just, old news. no fun anymore. she'll talk to me when she has no one else to talk to. but as soon as theres someone more mature than i am, i just fade into the background. i dunno, i must not be a very intertesting person. but, im happier than i used to me, at least. i feel theres something to look forward to for the next day, the next moment... unless its math class. ew. hate math. hee hee. but, i pray and hope that something will keep me happy for the time being, so i wont resort to any of the dangerous things that i used to think of. i read a few of the comments and was all "aww!!". i felt sad, i really did. especially for that art guy who lost his girlfriend. im sorry. i love art too, so i understand what you mean in saying what you did. i dont understand relationship things, but i wont judge you either. i hope that everyone on this site feels better really soon. im only recovering, and i sometimes lapse back into the sorrows of yesterday, but hey, i have tomorrow to look forward to. and a sex talk in science class. ew. oh well. maybe i'll be more mature by the end of it, and my friend will accept me again. i hope you all get better...did i already say that? sorry. but i do. please dont stop trying, you'll get to your goal. sounds like something retarded from like disney channel, but, yeah. please persist until you make it. thats what im trying to do. maybe it'll work for you guys too. I Understand - - Jan 8th 2009
Hey, its okay if you feel depressed. Im not even sixteen yet and i've felt depressed for almost 3 years now. I think it might be that bipolar disorder thing. Seriously, i felt so horrible so often. I never wanted to go outside, cos i felt i wouldnt be accepted, i never wanted to hang out with my family, cos every litle thing they did hurt me, and i was sick of it. Like, i have a sister that just seems to be little miss perfect. everyone loves her, she has a load of friends, she is always able to be happy, she pretty much has a boyfriend who i guess you could say is a jock (and i hate him). I also have a brother whose captain of the basketball team, always has a bunch of friends, he is obviosly my mom's favorite...And i'm like "well, if its like this, what s the point of me being here?" i always felt that i shouldnt have been born. i sometimes felt that i should die, cut myself or something, but that just made me think i was even more pathetic co i knew i wasnt strong enough to do that. so i kept saying " i shouldnt have been born". to top it all of, compared to the rest of my immediate family, i'm fat. AND once my mom told me that i was ugly, so i was like "crap, if you dont like me, why did you bother having me?" you know??? But in my few years of life i've been through a lot. I lived in the ghetto, starving every afternoon cos my mom didnt care to provide for me (she was always at church praising God and denying that she had a family), my dad tried but couldnt relly, and i had to live off my grandma's money. Along with the rest of practically the whole family. so we all lived under one roof, starving together. i didnt even know how to use a computer until 3 yrs ago. Which was when i came to america. I hadnt realized how much i missed my family until i came here and got all depresed and stuff. Oh, and after we left, it seemed like everyone we'd left behind, everyone that we knew was dying. we always heard "oh your uncle just died". i only found pleasure in books, cos i knew that the characters in there would always be faithful to me and never hurt me. They were the only ones i could trust. I was always writing in my diary " i want to die, cos blah blah blah" you know? I still write it sometimes, but not as much as before. Ive actually gotten better, What was my medicine you ask? everything i had left behind as a kid. I know of people who go find new pleasures, new thing to try to please themselves. But really. What i do is i write in my diary (put the date and the time im writing) whatever i feel whenever i feel. Cos i've had some times when i didnt feel anything. Like Christmas Eve. I knew the holiday was going to be boring like it was the past three Christmases, away from my family, so i was just like "wow. im bored". But when i felt sad, like the christmas before when my mom sent me to my room for practically the whole day, cos i was still in depression. she didnt know it was depression though, she didnt care. i dont know if she even would've noticed if i had just had enough and run away. I also do whatever i find interesting now. Like i love writing. i make up some story and write out my feelings as the character's feelings, and my sister and my friends like reading it cos i know how to make things funny. i also like drawing, or splattering paint all over paper, to express my feelings, and then i stack it away. by the time im done, i feel fine, and then a few days, maybe weeks, months or yrs later, i go back and look at it, and i just have to smile at what i did. like "wow, i was such an idiot." but still smiling and feeling way uplifted all the same. i go back to things that used to please me when i was a kid. simple things that i used to do before with my family. laugh at memories of the dumb things ive done. like getting stuck in a tree at 7 with a freaky looking caterpillar and crying till my grandma got home and helped me out. or getting mad whenever i was the first one found in hide and seek and being all "i dont wanna play anymore". you know, memories. Im not saying it'll work for everyone. i cant predict the future. Maybe it wont work for anyone at all, but it could be worth a shot. family, friends, old pleasures, stuff like that. like, i hate going out, when my dad asks if i wanna go somewhere with everyone, im usually like "no. are you kidding?" but whenever i force myself to go, i realize that wow, i actually had fun. and one more thing before i go, cos im supposed to be doing homework right now, i personally think that the people that get depressed are the best people there are. why? they may hurt everyone and all, but thats just it. Ive hurt people multiple times. i think that depressed people get depressed because they have the biggest hearts. they have the potential to reach out to everyone. have you ever heard a depressed person speak? it can be heart wrenching. being able to reach out to people you dont even know and telling them the honest truth, is just amazing. if you can make strangers feel like they're about to cry, imagine what will happen when you tell the ones who care about you,and vice versa. like, dont tell a child who wont understand a thing, or someone that will feel its all their fault that you feel this way. but resort to someone who cares that can understand. the way to fix you is to make them see you and your problem. see how you feel. you know? thats what i think. i really hope this helps some of you. if not, im incredibly sorry. i understand the hurt, and i hope you can all feel hopeful again. There has to be some hope... - A - Jan 5th 2009
Wow. I'm sure you guys are tired of reading this, but "me too!" I am 24, single mother of three kids, and they are the only reason I am alive now. I did put myself in the hospital, and I have been baker-acted. Honestly, it was like a vacation from all the stresses of my life. When I was in the hospital, I knew I couldn't take on all of my problems, and I was truly helpless. I swallowed 22 100mg Trazadone, and from what I was told later, my heart stopped, I guess not long enough for the white-light and all that, if that's all true. But while in the hospital, I kept telling myself I am alive for a reason, and I was going to make the best of my life, etc... and now, 4 months later, I am right back where I was when I took the pills. I have my kids, some "friends", my mother lives close by, although sometimes that makes things worse, an off and on boyfriend, and noone can help me. I am miserable, and honestly, I want to be left alone. I have this horrible urge to run away. I have contemplated it, but as usual, I could never do it because of everyone else... don't want to leave my children, don't want to worry my mother or my boyf, or my friends... I have become slightly agorophobic, not wanting to socialize or even step foot out my front door. I have these crazy mood swings, and I'm constantly making myself feel guilty about it. I swore I would never take meds for it, but I am on my fourth now in a 6 month span. I started on celexa, they didn't give it much time to work, then I voluntarily went to a mental health facility for 3 days, just to humor my counselor, where they switched me to Prozac, and while they had me there, all I did was sleep, Prozac and Trazadone, and I was a zombie, I sometimes got up to eat and use the bathroom, but other than that I slept. My blood pressure at night was coming up 43/39 and crazy readings like that, where they would make me get up walk around and recheck it, because it was too low for their paperwork I guess. I wanted out, because I hate being confined, but once I got in my car and got on the road headed home, I wanted to go back. But then who would have my kids? Who would take care of my bills? Would I still have a job? Etc.... So I disregarded my own gut instinct that I wasn't ready to go home, and about a month later I was switched to Geodon and Trazadone, and this stuff had me in a state that my boss sent me home and I was so out of it I was scared to drive. I was lucky to make it to the bathroom it was so hard to wake up and get out of bed. So I quit taking it, two days later I locked myself in the bathroom and took the bottle of Trazadone, and woke up in a hospital, lucky my boyf had called 911, and also extremely lucky to still have my kids. However, I was baker-acted, sent out of the county because I am on Medicaid, and they didn't have a bed for me anywhere near here, promised all of this support and social workers and help when I went home, 2 days later, and have not heard the 1st thing from them. TWO DAYS...I attempted, almost succesfully, to kill myself, and they sent me home to my three kids and empty house 2 days later. Of course since then I have been fighting the urge to do stupid things to myself, or just disappear one day, or who knows what...? I cannot even get my counselor to call me back, and the psychiatrist I see was never notified of my little ordeal or my hospital stay or the Baker-acting.... what kind of help is this? They switch your meds all over the place and send you on your way, and they tell me they have to "experiment" with different meds until we find the right one for me... They are toying with my life. Now I am on Wellbutrin. 300mg/day, which I am told is a strong dosage. It seemed to help, for about a month and a half....maybe. And now I am back to where I was, it has no effect whatsoever. One minute I am happy. The littlest thing can make me SO angry, or SO extremely sad. And once I am angry or really down, I can't seem to shake it. Noone I am close to seems to understand. I feel completely hopeless and helpless. I know this can't be good for my kids. I feel horrible when they see me cry or go into a rage. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, with a possibilty of Bipolar Disorder. So what? Now we have a name for what's wrong with me. Whoopty friggin' doo. This is NOT me! I was smart, funny, outgoing... Is there a way to make it better? I am now jobless, living on income based housing and food stamps, and absolutely at the end of my rope. I was in honors classes in school, started college, was supposed to go into the military, had a steady job up until a few months ago, and since then it's been off and on, because I have to force myself to go into work. I want things to get better, but at times I feel like "why even try?" I feel like the world's biggest failure, even though I am sure there are people worse off than me. I am seeking help, and all it's done is get my hopes up and possibly made things worse than they were. If anyone wants to talk, please feel free to email me. I know this is a lot, but it feels good to get it out and know the people who actually read it all might understand me... imurpant0mime@aol.com Bye for now... There's no one good answer - - Jan 3rd 2009
and to think I was the only one with these thoughts and feelings that come from somewhere, maybe deep inside oneself? or is it a combination of millions of outside influences that cause the confusion and distortion of what was once thought to be the "normal" world. I've found myself asking these questions (to myself) for over 18 years now. I'm now 34. For all of you who felt the need to post here, THank You! There's some comforting feeling in reading your posts, none of us is the only one...I've realized (or am trying to) that the "normal" world is the one I make for myself every day. The problem is putting it into practice, ya it's hard. I think I found a "cure" for feeling so crappy all the time, for not being able to breath, for breathing too much at times (hyperventalating), for the neverending flow of tears that come without provocation. ah, you'll think I'm nuts.... - - Jan 3rd 2009
Wow. I feel better. Hang in there you guys. It could be worse. hum... - Jaymi - Dec 26th 2008
Depression is like cancer. It kills, it hurts, it ruins families and friends but unlike cancer finding help for depression is hard. I can't go around just telling people i been diagnosed with depression, it just doesn’t feel right for me. I been told numerous stories about people and their cancer but 0 about people and their depression other than this cite. For soooo long i tried to fight this depression seeking anything to give me some excitement. I been broke, i been rich and i am still depressed. I been single i have been in relationships and i am still depressed. I cut did drugs, drank, made a date to end it all and i am still depressed. Some time last year, i realized that i am just going to except this illness, become 1 with it and live day by day the best I can. Part of this is taking time to yourself. Go to the bathroom do what you got to do then come out. If you need a moment take it. Just focus on getting through one more day. I don’t think past tomorrow I check my work schedule to the next day i work, i try not to plan things. Depression is there no matter what i do or take it always comes back. I dropped most of my meds and made a decision that if this is going to be a part of my life then i might as well try to live with it for now. And if it beats me then that’s fine at least I’ll have the comfort that i tried. Living waiting to die - hopeless - Dec 16th 2008
It's been 6 years. No hope. Eating, breathing, sleeping, working, just waiting to die. Then there is the guilt. I have a wonderful family, a job, extended family, no fights, no quarrels, house, God, sufficient income, etc. I have all these blessings and yet no hope, no desire, no assurance anything will get any better. David wrote in the Psalms, "I would have fainted had I not thought I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of this living". I'm to the point of "fainting". Took Lexapro for about 4 months. Made me soooo tired along with some other side effects. Stopped taking it last Thursday. The Lexapro did keep me from going down to the pit, but it did nothing for my daily consistant depression. Don't know what to do. A poem I wrote: No one knows the reason why things happen as they do. Questions without answers fill the mind, tormenting through and through. I ask though knowing the silence coming, action absent from the Father. His ear turned another direction tempting me to ask, "why bother". Of course we know God loves and cares when overwhelmed by many sorrows. The faith within we need to find, conscious of the need tomorrow. Tomorrow has come and nothing has changed. God still loves and cares and he does know. Upheld by his tender hand of grace and mercy and somehow we grow. ................................................................. The line, "Tomorrow has come and nothing has changed" always brings the tears. all the same for me - - Dec 14th 2008
I have read, and it is all the same for me. I have been like this for over a year now. Lost both my parents over 10 years ago. Have been on my own my whole life. I was very successful, college, terrific 6 figure career. Great friends. The older I got something was always missing, that companion piece. Tried everything to find the one. I finally find him a year and a half ago and I am the one for him and he leaves me. Ever since then I have been a mess. Have lost all my friends, I own my own business and it has slowly gone done hill also due to the economy, I am slowly losing my home due to the economy too. I don't speak to my brother, or my aunt that only family I have. I constantly feel worthless, a failure at my whole life, I have been diagnosed with discoid lupus. I just have nothing posotive in my life. I am still in love with this man that left me and I can't stand this feeling of lonliness, hopelessness, and feeling I will never be happy again. I have no energy to go out, for a very long time I didn't clean my house for over 3 months. I saw shrinks, nothing. I refuse to go on medication. It is a cover up for true happiness. I will not walk around on meds making me happy, when I should be happy without meds. I hate all of this. Help Will see - Tess - Dec 13th 2008
Struggled with Depression since 15... actually longer, first suicidal thoughts at 11... Suicide is big in the family. Now 35 - almost -, always end up losing those I love... Broke - Chapter 7 - no kids, actually one abortion, lost the love of my life... Talented, but can't seem to get my career going. Live in a temporary apt. Alone in the world... I f*ing hate myself... i had everyhting to be happy: good looks, smart, talented, funny - that's the ironic bit... but I am a failure... Can't stand the look of me... Want to hurt myself for what I let happen to myself... Seriously??? Why would I still hang on???? i have always felt like i am a burden - - Dec 11th 2008
Hi i am 23 years old and i am in the last year of my degree at university. i have been at uni for 3 and a half years and have had my parents support me etc. i was doin my work one day and boom it happened like something exploded in my head. I went to see my therapist who gave me a couple of treatments and sent me on my way! i have decided to stop right now and take a brake and return to uni I have started to self halm myself by cutting myself using a stanley knife and have also on several attempts tried to slit my wrists; but everytime i do the phone rings and i get interrupted. This thing i have what ever people call it has been there for years ever since i can remember!! family disputes etc i kept throwing back into the back of my mind but now its like my mind has gone into flip mode and is saying here deal with it. Ever since i can remember i have always felt like i am a burden; like i am worthless like if i wasnt here life for everyone would be normal and prosperous. I hold myself responsible for my parents splitting up i dont know why but i just do. I feel like i exploit my father to much and this whole epidose is causing him to much pain. Thats why at times i feel like taking my life or i self harm because i feel i deserve to feel the pain that i have caused everybody. esp my father. I went to see my GP who gave me meds; the only thing they do is make me stop crying but i still feel the hurt the pain. the only time i dont feel pain and sorrow is when i am asleep. what is happening to me is there something wrong with me??? sometimes i wish i were faking this or i was pretending this was happening. This feels like a dream something i see in the movies and i am waithing for the director to say cut, but there is no director when i look at the chair and the set is empty and then it hits me this is my life and back to reality i come!! it seems like ... - UCLA Bruin - Dec 10th 2008
Sometimes it seems like there is this tape playing over and over again inside my head. It tells me that I am worthless, that I am horrible, and that I fail at life. confused and feeling hopeless - - Nov 25th 2008
im 17. iv been diagnosed with depression less than a year ago and perscribed to one anti-depressant which only made things worse. after taking the pills for only a week i broke down and started crying for no reason and that week i never felt so empty before. so i decided to stop on my own. i started getting sick last summer off and on and iv seen a few different doctors and had lots of blood tests. iv even been to the ER because of a severe throat infection that kept coming back with other symptoms. it wasnt mono or strep. and went to an ENT doctor and nobody knew what was wrong with me. this lasted for about 2 months. i lost my first job over it that i had for over a year and missed alot of school. finally i thought i was better and now almost 2 months later im sick again. iv been having a severe backache and hot/cold feeling, sleeping alot and loss of appetite. its only been a few days so far this time. but this shouldnt be happening to someone my age to be getting sick so often. sometimes i wonder if my depression has something to do with it. but getting sick so much definitely brings out the depression more. i feel hopeless. theres nothing i can do to stop it HELP ME PLEASE! - - Nov 16th 2008
I'm a 38 year old female. I recently had a hysterectomy a year ago today. I have went down hill since. I have always been a little depressed and was able to snap out of it but never this bad. I'm going through hell. I feel so sad most of the time. If I don't keep myself busy I will lose it. I don't have a depressing story to give you but from the way that I feel you would think that I have went through the worst of the worst. I use to go work out and no I didn't like it but I had energy to get 30 minutes every other day. I use to enjoy going out with my friends I don't have the energy for that either. I cried before I found this site and I will cry when I leave this site. I'm not myself anymore. I don't know who I am anymore all I know is that I hate it and I want it to go away. I want to be normal again and I don't know how. I get so mad sometimes for things that I know I should not be mad for. I have gained almost 20 pounds and found myself wanting to eat most of the day. It seems to be the only thing that gives me pleasure. My taste buds are messed up things things that I use to enjoy for example coffee and cigerettes taste horrible. Lots of times I don't have the energy to clean my house, walk the dog are even go to work. Don't get me wrong I don't want to commit suicide, I don't want to die. I want to live! I just wish this would go away. Please if anyone is feeling the same as I am please give me some advice. Medications don't seem to help I have been on several different kinds (antidepressant). I wonder if these medications make the situation worse. hayleyj36@yahoo.com ive started harming myself again - n - Nov 11th 2008
Hello..
I'm 17 i think ive been suffering from some form of depression over the past three years. ive always been afraid to find help. My life is good, but the bad things stick out like a sore thumb and brng me down. I'm a previous self harmer which continued for about 2-3 years. I've always been to scared to do anything about this and just wished it would go away. I stopped self harming as i realised i was hurting those around me, i've stopped on and off a little bit for about 1 1/2 years. All my anger just keeps building up and i dont know what to do with it. the more things keep happening the more they get me dwn I just don't know what to do now. Recently ive started harming myself again but Im trying to keep myself under control due to upeting my family and friends. I'm too scared to go to a doctor, i've seen a councilor before and nothing seemed to work infact only made me worse. When i look at my scares, they remind what i can do and start tempting myself sorry this was an essay and sory if i did or said anything wrong or out of context. I'm not sure what type of depression i have, i have my ups and downs along with really bad mood swings but i dont thnk I'm bipolar, i dont seem to find my symptoms which match i hope this wasnt a waste of time. Editor's Note: Self-Injury is frequently associated with Borderline Personality Disorder . Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a recommended and now widely available form of therapy designed to help with self-injury and suicide problems. Mental Help Net's mental health support community has an active self-injury forum you may wish to explore, where you can talk to other people who self-injure. Your not alone - W - Nov 10th 2008
Me Too, you are not alone. I come from a strong family and have no friends. Funny enough I would never call one of those hot lines for fear of the white coats and since I left the first comment I've kind of been waiting for that knock at the door! The only thing that keeps me from drinking from morning to night is my kids, I care for them first. I hate myself for letting them see me cry and try to keep a brave face as much as possible. Of course there are those days, when nothing can help and I cry and drink and can only try to get out of bed, it happens. But please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Me Too - - Nov 9th 2008
I was reading the comments left and thought me too. I called the hot line service today and spoke with a young woman and told her I wanted to stop hurting. I then hung up. I hung up because I didnt want the lady on the other end to send the men in white jackets. Because as much as I want help I dont want to be confined or labled. That makes no since because I have confined myself. I come from a family that doesnt get help. I have no friends and cry all the time. I look at a bottle of pain pills daily and if not looking at them thinking about them. I just want to stop crying. I hurt and this pain is consuming me. I cant make it go away. Nothing or no one can make me happy. I cant afford treatment and I make to much for assistance. Those pills seem to be my only way out. The only thing that has stopped me is there is no make sure that my children will be safe. How long will that hold me here. I am not sure. Huge Leap - W - Nov 6th 2008
This is really big for me , I haven't even spoke of my thoughts to my family. I feel as though I am in deep, I stopped eating and am drinking alcohol to try to stay numb. It helps keep the thoughts of suicide at bay. I can't afford help or any medication that may be perscribed. I cry at the littlest thought, and am crying now trying to write. I don't know what to do, I don't see a silver lining or a light at the end of the tunnel. I am a storng person but I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. please add more - Ira - Nov 3rd 2008
Jayme could you please add some more cinfo on the free services, and health department. I cannot find either in phone book. ??? - jhon - Oct 26th 2008
I dont know what to do! I used to have so much confidence and alot of friends but now I have barley any. This is good and bad because most of my friends were acholics or drug addicts but I am very board and lonley. I think I have avodiant disorder, I have very low self esteem and feel inferion in social situations with people that would be good to be friends with? Also I am lost on how to go about getting a woman back in my life I had a girl friend cople of years ago, and I think a woman would really help me feel better about my self. But I dont love myself so women see me as boring? I dont know if anyone can help e-mail me jd38667@yahoo.com depersonalization disorder? - Alice - Oct 21st 2008
I was reading through some of these comments and Christians caught my eye. The symptoms your having sounds alot like Depersonalization Disorder (more about it here http://www.depersonalization.info/overview.html ). I've been a dp sufferer for 11 years and its a very challenging illness. Hope you figure things out :) ~Alice Editor's Note: Depersonalization Disorder is also described here. Such mixed up feelings - Jen - Oct 17th 2008
I am a 33 year old single parent of 3 children. my 14 year old daughter just got out of the mental hospital a week age after trying to kill herself at school. To find out that she is bipolar and now on meds. Then to add to it I think that I need some help myself. I have lost over 10 pounds in a week I do not feel like eating. I can not sleep more then 3-4 hours a night(that is total with waking up in between) My body and head hurts non-stop. I am at the point i can not take it any more. I love my kids they are what keeps me alive at this time. My current relationship is on the rocks.He thinks I am going crazy. I can't blame him cause I feel like I am about to have a total breakdown. I have no health insurance and just bearly making it by at this time. I can not focus on my job when I am there. I use to love it and now I just want to quit it. I have had sevral deaths in my family with-in a few months apart. How far down can you get before you go insane? I am trying to seek medical help at this time. Any one have any suggestions that might help? HELP IS OUT THERE!!! - Jayme - Oct 16th 2008
Hello, I am a mental health professional who was actually doing research on this topic. I read several of your articles and they really touched me. Just wanted to let you know that there is help out there....a new service in the mental health world is Community Support. For the individual who stated that she could not seek help because of being unemployeed, no income, no insurance, no transportation and no support.....this service is for you! Your local public mental health agency is absolutely FREE!!!!! Community Support assists with appointments, transportation, home visits, inform/link you to resources and keep you informed of your medications and diagnosis. PLEASE TRY THIS SERVICE.....IT'S ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!! how did this happen? - Amonette - Oct 14th 2008
i am 27 years old, when i was 13 i was taken to a psychiatrist and put on prozac. my dad has a terminal disease that at the time was not being treated correctly and he was very sick all the time, among many other factors there were a lot of things that were making me sad and angry and act out. since then i have been on over 13 different antidepresants/antiobsession/antipsychotic/ drugs. 7 months ago my mom died after an 8 year battle with cancer. i am completely lost. i have reached a deeper rock bottom than ever before. im reading all these articles about depression and personality disorders and i fall into all of the catagories and i feel like im losing my mind, but i can't find any help. im seeing 2 therapists, and another psychiatrist and they all have different opinions about me and my behavior and my brain and none of it goes together. how did this happen? Unipolar Depression - - Oct 8th 2008
Well, after reading this I do believe that I have unipolar depression. I've been having it for six years. May be even during high school. I have seen a tyripist (I think that's how you spell it) and she recommended that I see a pychaitrist(however you spell that). I want to and I know that I can't. First off, I'm not employed, no health coverage, or income. Second, no transportation. Thrid, I'm trying to get back in school, doing my best to make it work. And lastly, I can't keep the negative aspects of my life out of what I really need to do. Don't really know what else to do. May be it's not even unipolar depression or it's a mix of unipolar depression and bipolar depression. Don't know how that works but it feels like a whole bunch of stuff is mixed in with it. my brother - Naira Sargsyan - Oct 1st 2008
My problem is my brother i can't understand what is going with him hi is in deep depresion nothing is interesting to him he is in bed all the time his brain is ful of yhougts he is very educated he knows a lot and all time his brain in movement i dont know how to help him excuse me for my english SO CONFUSED - - Oct 1st 2008
IM SO CONFUSED ALL THE TIME. I CANT STOP THESE FEELINGS OF USELESSNESS, PARANOIA AND JUST GENERAL DESPAIR IM HORRIBLE TO THOSE WHO ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO CARE AND I GET WORKED UP OVER NOTHING AND FUCK THINGS UP BIG TIME. I HAVE BEEN ON ANTI DEPRESANTS FOR 11 YEARS NOW SOME TIMES IM FINE BUT THEN WHEN I START TO THINK MAYBE IM NORMAL(WHATEVER THAT IS) I HAVE TIMES LIKE THIS WHER I FEEL THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME AND FEEL SUICIDAL AGAIN(IM NOT GOING TO DO IT THOU BEEN THERE TRIED THAT) HOW CAN I STOP THIS I CANT LIVE FEELING LIKE THIS FOREVER WHEN THERE IS NOTHING I CAN TELL YOU THAT HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THIS? I CANT SLEEP AND ITS MAKING ME CRAZY I HAVE MY OWN BUSSINESS AND AM FINDING IT HARD NOT TO FALL ASLEEP DURING THE DAY AT WORK AND CANT TAKE ANY TIME OFF HELP! i am gay - troy - Sep 29th 2008
so im gay and no one likes me2 : ) - jessica - Sep 25th 2008
Hi! I am 16 years old and today is my birthday! And every year i look forward to it. My life gets hard too, i am sure no where near as hard as the people that are on this site. I dont suffer from any diseases, or any emotional pain that as worth taking my life. I just wish i could understand why people want to comit suicide? And why people get depressed. Like i said dont have a horrible life, it is actually great. There have been some hardships i have been through though. When i was really young my little brother was diagnosed with Lupus. He is alergic to the sun. Then in the fourth grade my dad had cancer. He survived but for me at a young age i was horrified. Now my mom has a rare disease that starts with a M, but i dont really know what it is called. She cant breath sometimes, and we have to call 911. I know you think i should be mature enough to handle that but i am not. I am actually very inmature! But i have no worries. And i hope you see that life is more inportant then things that go wrong in your life! thank you. Depression hurts me... - Brenda B. - Sep 22nd 2008
Hi my name is Brenda and I have been suffering with depression for now 1yr.I am a former professional boxer and I believed after my boxing career,things got rough for me,anxiety I was getting,I became a alcoholic,went to rehab to sober up,well I just relasped and I'm at that feeling of "HELP ME" I am on a lot of meds that the Doc has given me,like seroquel,lexapro,topamax,deplin,neurontin, and I admit I messed up by drinking again.My body hurts all over and one thing about me I love to work out! to train my body and I CAN'T! it hurts so bad to move my body like I use too,I am 44 yrs old and scared because I put on alot of weight,I am like 225lbs,I once was 150lbs.Whats wrong with this picture.Thank you for listening. Dad of Three - Allan N Schwartz - Sep 16th 2008
You will find a response to your question under "Ask Dr. Schwartz" in a day or two. Dr. Schwartz giving up - Dad of three - Sep 15th 2008
ok, I read the artical and some of your comments. I am a single dad rasing three kids. I have been battaling with depression for years now. I lost my wife and most jobs. I actualy hit rock bottem. My kids were in state custady for 2 years. I have fought like hell to get to the point I am at today. It's taken me three years now. I Just can't seem to keep making myself go on. at 38 Ifeel as though I should be on the top of my game. I am not. I find myself yealling at the kids more and more and finding it harder and harder to goto work. ( i love my job at least) but still. why is it so freeking hard to just be normal? (if there is a deffanition for normal) I have been through sevral clinics to get help. I am in a very tight situation. If I go get to much help i loose the kids. If I don't get some help i loose the kids and everything again. God Help me I am falling apart here. it seems im in a now win situaion. What can I do dad of three Christian Email me - scott - Sep 15th 2008
Christian how can i get in contact with you, you can email me, but i would really like to talk to you Sorry - - Sep 13th 2008
Sorry SEEK Help please - - Sep 2nd 2008
I am glad that you are feeling happy at this time. You really need to seek assistance. There are more people out there that deal with depression as well as people that are Bi polar. Since you feel comfortable talking to your friends ask one of them or all of them to go with you to the doctor so that you can seek the assistance that you need in order to deal with your mood swings. I say this to you because I suffer from depression and my husband took me to the doctor even though I didn't feel I needed help. It is often that we don't want to go because we feel that this means we are weak or that we can't handle our problems.. THAT IS NOT TRUE..sometimes things can just be overwhelming. If you are placed on medications to assist you with you it's not like you have to be on the medication forever....SEEK Help please !!! Lost sight... - Glenn - Sep 2nd 2008
I've been talking to my friend over the last couple of days and she has come to the conclusion that i have Bi-polar. Ive been really depressed over the last year and have tryed to compit suicide several times. Over the last week I've been really happy, to happy for me. I dont understand. I've been told by a few of my friends that I should seek help, but I just can't. Every time I've tryed to talk to somone besides my friends about it I freeze up and can't speak. I even have trouble talking to my friends about it but here really supportive. I just don't no what to day. I feel like a waist of space and I dont see the point of my living anymore. I just don't know anymore... why - worthlessmother - Aug 31st 2008
Why Why Why was i put on this sicking earth. if only i had died in the womb. Each and every day that goes by i cry and try to figure out why. why am i so useless. my 25 year old daughter told me the best thing that could happen to her is if i would kill myself. i have lived my life for her and my grandkids. and know she wishes i was dead. every day thoughts go through my head on how i should do this. Should i tie a note around my neck that says-once again you get your way- and blow my head off in her yard. oh wait i cant do that i have no gun. should i tie a rope on my neck and jump from a tree in her yard. i dont no how to make this pain stop. i have not seen my grandkids in a month. she refuses to let me see them. i have been their grandma-mom since they were born. i cant take this no more feel so weird with alot of symptoms that wont go away - christian - Aug 27th 2008
my name is Christian i just have some questions , four years ago i just to do mariguana , one day i was n a party and drink beer all nite long i didnt sleep for that whole nite , after that in the morning , i had some mariguana then i felt so different i was feeling my hearth pound so fast and hard, i got scared and told my mom, at the time i was 17 years old now im 21 i feelt like i got a panic attack and felt like dying, like i was gonna get a hearth attack or something , my mom took me to the hospital the doctor gave a pill and a vaccine to help calm my self to put me down from the mariguana effect and i was so calm , but after that happen i was not the same anymore i felt scared all the time i had alot of panic attacks, anxiety, fatigue, stress, alot of symptoms, that wont go away i dont know what i have i been sufering for 4 long years allready, and is getting worse i think i like im dying feel depress, feel like is not me i cannot control my toughts , and feel dizzy like im gonna lose control of my self and go crazy theses sensations feel so horrible, i feel like i dont love or care about no one it feels like im high all the time , that i havent sleep or rest for years , i feel my brain so heavy , i always think that i shouldnt of born or excist in this planet my stomach always hurts and have diarrea , when im meeting a new person i feel so nervous all the time my hands get cold and sweats, my hearth pounds so hard that i feel it in all my body it shakes and many more symptoms i dont know if this is is related to depression , i lose weight i went to the emergency room at the hospital they check me all and told me that i had depression,stress,and anxiety, but i never got a treatment or something to help me i just ignored but now my pain is worse , i had been like this now almost for 5 years today i was driving i was feeling like i was gonna past out like i was so high but i dont drink or do drugs anymore , i just want to know if this symptoms are related to a chronic depression , thanks and God bless everyone Brittney, you are on the right track. - Monique - Aug 18th 2008
I am in my late thirties and I have one daughter(she is grown now). When she was just a little over a year old, I was forced into being hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a month. I had developed a chemical imbalance. I was stressed for a long time and experiencing some symptoms which had led me to seek the help of a therapist and then I got the flu. In case you don't know it is very common that when a person is experiencing a lot of stress, that if the person gets a flu virus, there body becomes so run down that they can develop a chemical imbalance. I truly believe it is better for a person to plan and take care of themselves with therapy/counseling, rest, proper nutrition and antidepressants(or whatever meds. are needed) because once the body really breaks down it is not easy at all to recover. I learned at that time that people that are decades older than I was sometimes never fully recover; goes to show how serious the illness is), even for a person in their early twenties like I was. I share this with you not only from my own experience, but I also have worked in the healthcare field for about five years and am currently in school to become a nurse. I am a Christian and reading my Bible on a regular basis is what began to lift my spirit. After a couple of month's I noticed I worried less and felt calmer and more secure. Also, I believe that God wants us to be "free" of what people think about us. I know you are concerned about what others opinions of you, however, I would imagine that you care more about "feeling good" and seeing your child grow up into a healthy and whole individual. I never thought that life would be as great as it is now and that my daughter and I would have such health as individuals and as a family. I believe that we all have to do the hard work of facing things when they arise and making hard decisions even if other people don't agree, after all they're not the one's who will miss out as much as us and our families if we don't take the necessary steps to live a better quality of life. God be with you, Brittany In Between....... - Brittany - Aug 11th 2008
My therapist said that she thinks I may have MDD. I don't know whether to believe her or not. Yeah, I know I'm depressed so that part's understandable, but I'm not just down. Some days I'm in a REALLY great mood that nothing can stop. I've been seeing her for a little over a month now but I'm not sure if I should keep seeing her. It's like being in between myself and my head. I don't know how else to explain it. I've thought about maybe hospitalizing myself to get 24 help, but I have a 4 month old son that I take care of 24/7 and a husband who is at the military base all day. I want to get help so that way I can stop these horrible thoughts from going through my head, but I'm not ready to leave home for a week straight to do it and I'm afraid of what my family will say to me or about me if I go. Everyone around me says they want me to get better and to get help, but I'm not ready to leave to do so....even though I know if I keep putting it off and only talking to my therapist once a week that I'm only going to get worse. What should I do?? Dear Steve - Dee - Aug 10th 2008
I know excactly how you feel. Omigosh.I have been really struggling with depression for years now.I have a two year old son also and he is the only reason I stick around.Which is really copacetic.My head is just awful and I just hurt and I don't know why.I feel like people just look at me like I'm crazy because I feel this way.When I don't even know why to begin with.I am 24 years old and I feel I've lived too long also.I can't stand to be with myself by myself. I'm glad I am not alone though. Hand tough kay? It seems like all i feel is pain. - steven - Aug 3rd 2008
Hi everyone,my name is Steve.I am 22 years old and i feel like ive lived too long already.i have a three year old daughter and that is the only reaon i believe i have not killed myself.I just want to get better if i can.Ive been hospitalized on numerous occasions,but im older now and i feel ready to do whatever it takes and whatever the doctor orders so to speak.I just dont want to feel this way anymore. hopeless, helpless, worthless, pathetic, sad, scared, lonely all those emotions are what i feel on a regular basis.Coping with life on a daily basis is a huge struggle.Can i lead a successfull life.Is there really hope? I feel like no one understands where im coming from its ridiculous.i feel like no one feels as bad as i do or as much as i do or maybe im just the most sensitive person on the planet...lol...i can kind of just laugh at myself reading this although none of it is a joke.IT is a harsh reality that i must learn to overcome in order to be a succeccful father,son,friend,and human being in general. Thank you Lynda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Tara - Aug 3rd 2008
Today is one of many when I wonder if I should just be hospitalized for the rest of my life. This level of mood is tormenting; to say the least. I just keep "thinking about myself" and can't "will" myself out of it. Feeling very selfish, lost, and frustrated; I searched the inernet, and stumbled upon this statement by you. You describe what I'm going through with seemingly magical accuracy - Thank God for You and your Journey! Obviously, the antidepresant that I am taking is not working - Thank you for helping me relate & understand. Stop thinking about yourself???????? - Lynda - Aug 2nd 2008
Wow!!!! Thats like telling a diabetic to stop having a re-action while eating too much sugar! It's my opinion that if a person (that sufferes from major depression) could turn things around by noticing butterflies or praying their guts out or skipping down the road and being thankful for things, they would certainly do so. If it was so easy to pop out of, no one would be suffering from this. A chemical imbalance needs a chemical to fix it. To blame the person by saying 'stop thinking about yourself' adds insult to injury. I'm the most unselfish person that I know and yet could not stop the same distructive thoughts cycling over and over in my head. I almost thought I was possessed!!!! I kept telling myself to 'get over it' and yet was unable to. If you refuse to get on an anti-depressant (they saved ny life) there are some promising studies on fish oils, but I was too far gone to even mess with those. I know the person that said stop thinking about yourself only meant to help so thank you for that anyway and I'm glad you recovered from what happened to you. I think 'situational' depression is different for people that don't suffer form major depression due to chemical imbalances. I've suffered from major depression all of my life but always blamed it on other things. I think that stress would send me into these episodes. Now that I understand some of this, I'm going to make sure I fight for my health and keep my stress level down. This last time was due to trying to help a grand-daughter by letting her move in......big mistake. I need to just focus on my health and stop worring about everyone else for once in my life, because the bottom line is that no one was there for me when I needed it....shame on them!!!!! my anti-depressant is finally working!!! - Lynda - Aug 2nd 2008
I can't believe that two days ago I was seaching the internet for ways to painlessly kill myself. Even tho my brother killed himself 25 years ago and I swore it was the most selfish thing anyone could do. Two days ago my thougths were over whelming agony over whys and hows of my life. How could my husband leave me after 32 years? How could his family treat me this way? How could my children side with him and yet admit he is emotionally detached? How do you get help if you have no insurance? I did get a perscription for generic welbutrin last month from a doctor and it wasn't working. I 'googled' it and found that thousands of other people feel the same way. I was able to get another perscription and it's finally kicking in. Thank God!!!!! Today my thoughts are more on target with acceptance. I am a person of value that didn't deserve what happened to me. I have made it to age 53 so I am a survivor. My self worth doesn't hinge on other people's opinions. My husbands family include people that are judgemental and self-righteous. They weren't my friends to start with. My children are still young in their ability to fully understand and show compassion. When I was in my 30s and even 40s I was still slapping convienent labels like 'nut job' on people (such as my father) that deserved my support. Now I know that my genetics are a big part of this. Its all about getting the chemicals in your brain straightened out first. You can't will or pray this away...it's a real health issue..you're not nuts...keep fighting to get help...the repetative, distructive thoughts can and will go away!!!! There are vouchers for medicine etc. that you can download on the internet. I actually was sobbing at the counter at one doctors office ( a friend drove me there) and they turned me away as they said they didn't take cash! Who doesn't take cash!!! This is a sucky, cruel, unkind world and yet I realised that there are homeless people that are happier than I am (was). I wish I could hold you in my arms and make the pain go away......please go get help and don't stop asking, googling, calling until you do!!!!!! (and don't be embarrassed...this is a real health issue like any other life threatening health issue. If you were going into a diabetic coma you would call for help.... you might be a quart low on seritonin or something) I care about you and don't even know you!!!!!! When I was working with troubled youth a few years ago - Ahuli Pitt - Aug 2nd 2008
When I was working with troubled youth a few years ago, I was given the priviledge of attending a two day workshop on suicide prevention. The main thing I learned was to get said person talking and being a good listener—–reading between the lines, so to speak, as to what the person was Really saying. The Anatomy of Depression Please let me offer HOPE!! - Cindy - Jul 27th 2008
My name is Cindy..I am a Grandmother and I live in Central Florida...USA..I have been reading alot of the posts here..May I offer HOPE? Alot of the people that suffer can turn your life around.You seem so sad today....Hope and Faith...I have learned to Live and I try to be Thankful for Something every single day...Stop thinking about yourself, stop being sad...Be Thankful...Gosh, find something to be thankful for every single day...Even if a butterfly floats by...the Sun is always shining somewhere...I try very hard not to let outside people, thoughts, fears or pain describe my life...I have been through alot, too...My husband walked out with his 'new girlfriend" after dedicating our life to our church and our family...Sold our home and property that we had raised our children in..as an unmarried man and took off with all the money..left the country and married a girl more than 30 years younger than him and he is now 61 years old and "still having babies"..I lost my Faith..my True friends turned against me.."You couldn't hold your marriage together"..Told to not come back to church anymore (divorced) the church we raised our children in for over 15 years...How can he do that to his family? He literally left me sitting on the side of the road with nothing..behind on my rent..no groceries and a 15 year old daughter..I picked myself up, got a good job near Disneyworld in Orlando and now attend Nursing school...Stop letting people determine your happiness..If your family abandons you..It's their loss!! Find people that will support you and love you and be Kind to each other...Some people just need a hug!!kEEP LIVING AND hAVE hOPE AND fAITH..bE tHANKFUL EVERY DAY...God Bless....broker472000@yahoo.com (Yes, I miss him everyday, but do not contact him)..God Bless Find someone to be Kind to...Cindy So lonely and depressed - paula - Jul 27th 2008
Hi Dante, My name is Paula and I'm from the U.K. At this moment I feel so lonely and depressed. It's 03.35am On a Sunday morning. My son and his girlfriend invited me out tonight for the first time in two years. I wish I hadn't bothered. I didn't go out till 01.00am and was humming and arring till this point. But never the less I went out. I thought it would do me good! How wrong was I? After getting in a taxi at 02.30am with my son and his girl friend, we reached our destination (my address). As I was getting out of the taxi, I thought I'd have a bit of fun with the taxi driver by asking him if he wanted a babysitter for his seven children, all boys, and must be able to put turbon on. The taxi driver was Asian by the way. He didn't mind anyway. But my son went absolutely balistic. Saying that I was showing him up. It was only a laugh! I told my son that if the asian taxi driver didn't like it he would of said something. Never the less I was all the names under the sun. It's the first time that I've been out in two years and it will be the last. I couldn't get over the way my son had spoke to me. Do you know what I did. I came home and cried my eyes out. I am on various medication for manic depression and I was so far from taking an overdose to end my life. I felt so rejected and still do. I am getting all these suicidal thoughts going through my head at this present time. I am just sat here looking at all these tablets thinking TAKE THEM, TAKE THEM! I am getting of now as I am going to have 5mins to think this through. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow evening then you know that I have gone through with it. Thanks for listening. Paula x always working toward the stars - kt - Jul 22nd 2008
It is not easy to open up and just talk about "stuff" that you have never spoken before. So you sit there with a pillow on you lap waiting to start crying. Knowing that the doctor has figured some of it out already but still not able to talk about it. The block is there forever and no one remove it. Not me, not the doctor not my husband or my family. All I want is to be happy. I would like to tell you my story - paula - Jul 21st 2008
Hi, I've just been reading all the comments that people have left. I've just signed up to this website and live in the U.K (near Manchester). I would like to tell you my story. In February 2007, I lost my job as a Support Worker following allegations from a service user. The allegations was investigated by the Police and Social Services. I was not Arrested, neither was I charged. After a thorough investigation, the case was dropped due to the lack of evidence. I was accused of taking money from a 64yr old woman. This woman was under Mental Health and had previously accused two other people of the same allegation. These too was investigated and dropped due to lack of evidence. I disputed the allegations all the way and filed for a Court date. After attending Court, my former employer offered me an out of Court settlement with a reference. My Solicitor advised me to accept this offer, stateing that no price was worth a reference. So I accepted this offer. But in the meantime, I tried to take my own life and ended up on a Medical Emergency Unit for Two day followed by a further Two weeks stay in a Physiatric ward. I was not sectioned and went in voluntry. The effects that this ordeal had on me was traumatic. I tried to take this Service user to Cout but she declined saying that her health was not up to going to court. In the space of Seventeen months I have tried to take my own life, been in Hospital, had frequent visits with a Physiatrist (1x month), am on medicationfor anxiety and panic and stress, also, medication to make me sleep. (I'm lucky if I get 4hrs sleep). Just been refered for a Brain Scan and am awaiting on the results. been refered to a physologist for the lapse in my memory due to the stress and depression all this has had on me. Not to mention that I am still unemployed and getting into financial difficulties, with having a mortgage and living on my own that with no job I can't afford to stay in my property which is causing me more stress and anxiety, adding to my depressive situation. Because there was an investigation carried out by the Police that this information is on my C.R.B. (Criminal Records Buero) and every job that I am applying for that the employers are passing on giving me the job due to the sight of my C.R.B. Yet again, I have got a Solicitor on the case and the only thing we can do is challenge the wording obtained on my C.R.B. The Police say that they are not accusing me of anything, that they are just stateing what whent on, that there was an investigation carried out. Obviously, employers are going to have there doubts if information is contained on my C.R.B. I have been diagnosed with Manic Depression which I never had any problems regarding this issue before all this happened. I live each day as it comes because I never know what tomorrow is going to bring. I would also like to give this same bit of advice to anyone who is suffering from any form of depression. I wish luck to each and every one of you, If you have suffered anything like I have (no doubt you have) You all deserve a medal! Take care! Paula x Don't ever give up, GOD loves us all... - - Jul 16th 2008
I just lost my father three weeks ago to a heavy depression with phsychotic features. He was 57 years old, dealing with mental problems for the past 23 years, that I know of. He always refused to accept he had a problem, until last year in August when I was able to take him to a Mental Health Clinic assistance. Please don't give up and fight this illnes with all your might. My father received all the professional help and emotional help from his wife, children, and grandchildren. I can's say I know what he was going through because I have been fortunate to not experience his illness, but he has left us with a large dent in our hearts and we will never know why he did it or what trigered him to take his life and not think of all the people who care about him. Find help and please don't re-live the negative things in your past, leave all that in the past where it belongs. Like I told my father on many occasions "You can't change the past, but you change the present and future". I know it's easier said than done, but please don't put your families through what we have been through. It is a complete nightmate that we will never be able to understand. GOD loves us all and we are all his children and he will help us all if we allow him to. GOD BLESS YOU ALL... depressed in calif. - nena johnson - Jul 6th 2008
i have been depressed most of my life but nothing like iam today depression back then wasnt discussed much today im 62 years had to retire from nursing due to chronic back pain. my husband passed away and along with fincial problems , im fighting major depression . im currently on remeron had been on lexapro neither of these meds seem to help much any suggestions would be greatly appreciated depressed - - Jul 5th 2008
I am newly divorced struggling to stay financially afloat with 3 kids after being home with them for over 10 years. Depression has set in and I find it hard to funtion. I don't know how to go about getting a decent job and I worry all the time about my financial stability and financial future. Does anybody have any suggestions? I struggle everyday with the will to live. Major Depression first on worldwide list - - Jul 4th 2008
Wow. That's major, alright. I just read today that mental illness in general is America's leading medical cause for lost time at work. We're just one big happy family. support - Marcus - Jul 1st 2008
I worked for a juvenille detention center in 1990. Late in 1991 a group of gang members carried out an attack , using baseball bats and billiard balls ,injured and almost killed myself and 2 of my partners. I suffered a cracked skull and miraculously recovered physically rather quickly. I noticed in the months to come my memory detiorating and a lot of confusion and anxiety. Over time it became unbearable and overwhelming. I didnt want to live and was feeling hopeless and depressed. I had tests that revealed brain trauma and was given several treatment options which work only occassionaly. I fight everyday to get up and smile throughout the day, praying that my mind will work somewhat properly. Medication only works for so long and than its back to misery. I am well educated on this illness. I can recommend to anyone the Amen Clinic in New Port Beach Ca. . They gave me some treatments that have been very helpful. Anyone wanting advice please dont hesitate to contact me . I am 41 now and am sometimes suprised that I have lived this long. I work, but have burned alot of time from this illness. Yes its horrible, but I have children that need me to fight this and continue to survive. Not to mention a loving wife that has endured more than I could ever imagine. God Bless. Mark H wanting to help - sydney - Jun 28th 2008
to the people who posted before me that were seeking help, i want to try. i have had MDD for most of my life and i was only diagnosed with it a year ago in april. i know what that low feels like, i know what it can do to a person. i am only a fifteen year old, but i have attempted suicide twice already and gone to a hospital for a week because of it. i know other people have different situations that lead up to something like this, but i have found it helpful to find some ambition of yours that youve had [mine was writing, and i am going to write great novels and literature] and make yourself get up and follow it on those days where you are just feeling so down and out. medication is also very helpful and should be considered along with therapy. also, just find a time in the day to honour that ambition or hobby of yours. take an hour out each day to do what you want to do and dont get caught up in the notion that you cant do that because of your schedule because only you control your schedule. giving yourself that kind of excuse to not help yourself is only going to hold you back, and make things worse for you in the long run. i know im only fifteen and i havent lived in the shoes of adulthood yet but i do know that many busy adults do make time to do those things that make them feel like they have a purpose, something to follow. and make sure that you are getting enough sleep too. i used to never get a regular amount of sleep and sometimes people are blind to how important it is. dont be one of those people. it can make or break your mood. now i get regular sleep with the help of medication i take each night. i feel like i think i should have been able to feel the past six years and possibly beyond. i never was just a child. i remember fixating on death and killing myself at the age of five, and not just threatening to hold my breath untill i died because mom wouldnt give me a cookie. today i can embrace myself and continue to make progress so i can finally live. and lastly, dont give up hope. as a writer it is a sin to commit a cliche, and "dont give up hope" is a cliche. but for every tired comment there is a truth. that statement, "dont give up hope, keep trying, dont stop trying", is my truth. may i reccomend it as yours too. Major Depression Disorder - Daryl Farrow - May 28th 2008
Why is there more than one term for MDD? As a student psychologist this can be confusing. I remember from my abnormal psychology class my professor telling us that there were several disorders that at first had many names, but in recent years ended having only one name. Understanding the meaning for having more than one name for disorders such as MDD, as well as others can help students like myself and others. Furthermore, I have notice within recent years that I have a problem. I am not sure what it may be, but I am sure I have a problem. I can not afford therapy (hell it's hard to even pay for school at times) so I try to read up on as many disorders that may apply to me without being bias. Soooo Helpless and Hopeless - - May 27th 2008
I am 55 years old. I know I have major depression. I can't take anti-depressants. I have tried them all and they make things way worse. I get really high anxiety, panic attacks and feel suicidal. What makes it worse is my husband of over 30 years is tired of it. No more than I am I can guarantee you that. Mine has been triggered largely in part, lately, from having chronic pain and a weird thing going on with my mouth - burning mouth syndrome. I am serious - it is making me insane and my doctor has just completely dismissed me. Offered no explanations or help in any way. Added to that my husband is addicted to painkillers and I just can't stand one more minute of that either. I told him I that it is over and I want to move out. That was two days ago. I can't move my body. I feel completely paralyzed in thought and physically. I am surprised that I am even at my computer right now. So since I can't get a doctor to help or my husband to listen I am pretty much feeling desperate. I am too weak to even get dressed. A lot of people say life is great and so precious. I just cannot find anything great about it. Since I am physically disabled and not bringing any money into the household I feel like I have nothing left to contribute to anyone on this planet. All I want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. with the one that wonders Is there a way out? - donna - May 27th 2008
i know how you feel , go through life , ups and downs really dont care so much in the end how it ends up you try and try and be nice to everyone you can and still you are looked down upon you have know idea what i have to go through to just make my life just know God loves me no matter what and someday ill be there under his arm s of love he knows and is alright with me I try so hard to please everbody but get rejection in return. I not an ungly person but i feel ugly the way i get treated i wish all of us luck in this depression cause it is not easy sometimes its just better to wait for the end . Question for the Dr.? - - May 1st 2008
My partner and I, we are 40 and we have a 10 year old son. When I was in my mid 20's I was diaginosed with major depressive disorder, 1st episode. No, I never liked the med's, I've just learned to live with it. Well recently my partner was diaginosed as being bipolar. He's had a drinking problem for over 20 years and he's been sober since Thanksgiving 2007. My question is, our son, will he have depression too? He seems ok, all he wants to do is play that X-Box. My experience - A - Apr 24th 2008
I was eventually diagnosed with major drepression when i was 14, i am now 19, after attempts to end my life. i thought the way i felt was right ,was how it was meant to be but i always wondered if other people thought as i did. Since then my life seems to lack purpose. depression seeps into every crevice in your life and like a virus infects it till all there is, is lonelyness pain and a sense of unhappy loss. i tried numerous ways to escape my head anorexia and self-harm and currently recieve therapy and anti depressants. there is no quick or simple answer to 'pull yourself together'.It's just not possible and many people don't understand. All i can do is get through the day. Yet as bad as it is i'm it feels such an integral part of me that i wonder "who am i without a cloud of dismay over me?" which is quite scary. useless - JT - Apr 21st 2008
I have battled this disease for 17 years and have been hospitilized twice recently all my family and friends have grown tired of this (and rightly so) I am trying to just "Buck" up and carry on but just cant! I see no point in a third hospitilization just trying to think of a way out with dignity. I am in the same boat.. dont lose hope lets fight together - - Apr 8th 2008
i am a health care professional and i was diagnosed with depression for the first time 1 month back as i have been feeling low and sleepless and drowsy with difficulty in concentrating... slowly i am losing hope in life and feel that i am goin to get trapped into this hell forever.. there are excellent medications such as Fluoxetine that l helped me with my problem.. I feel when medication are combined with counselling psychotherapy you will have great improvement and it has been proven scientifically. Also 40 min of daily exercise have been proven to have some antidepressant action.. So dont lose hope and if you need any help contact a psychiatrist and or health care professional who can help you if have any questions you are welcome trying to provide some solace - - Mar 31st 2008
PLease read this Primer on Depression..it will help you take a lighter view of things http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8103&cn=329 To all the people who are feeling depressed,there`s lots to look forward in life ..it might be just that you are not realizing it at the moment.Try to see nature in all its glory in the morning,listen to music...you will ultimately find your goal in life. If you need someone to talk and share your problems,mail me at manish_iamhere@yahoo.com. Just let me know if you`re feeling blue,I`ll try to cheer you up in whatever way I can. My sister is suffering from depression and I can feel the agony associated with it.I pray to God to help all agonized persons . Help Out There - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - Mar 26th 2008
Please read the response to your question under the heading "Ask Dr. Schwartz." Dr. Schwartz Is there help out there? - lonely mother of three - Mar 26th 2008
I am a mother of three young girls, and I know that I am making their lives miserable. I am constantly yelling at them, I don't want to go anywhere let alone do anything around home. I just recently quit my job because of the guilt that I feel not being at home. I cant work up the energy to do anything. When I was at work, I hated it. I was forced to do things because I could not talk my self out of doing it. I feel as though I can't be the mom, wife, daughter, sister and aunt that I am supposed to be. I feel as though I have been nothing but a failure in every aspect of my life. There is nothing to look forward to in life for me. Is there help out there! to steven - - Mar 25th 2008
there is always something worth living for. you are not alone . i am praying for you. lots of love Dark Nights of the Soul - Nightrider - Mar 20th 2008
I’m looking at 50 next month and I'm just now beginning to pull myself out of a dark hole. The last 8 years seem to be the most challenging for me. I’m not going into detail about the entire BS that has happened to me because these things we all know to well. Two years after my 3rd divorce and a lot research into self awareness I started to realize why I was so depressed and angry. I needed to learn how to forgive and especially forgive myself. Then I started to take responsibility for my own happiness and well being. Do you really think you can find real happiness and well being with your wife, husband, your kids, and a new car well sure you can but often its short lived? I love my ex-wife(s), my 3 kids, my truck, my job etc, but they often disappoint and hurt me in many ways as we all know to well. A deeper kind of well being starts with you taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness. Forget about the lie of having to look outwardly for your happiness and well being. You can find happiness with in your self as long as you can forgive yourself and get past the negative self talk, the rest can be icing on the cake. As each moment goes by you have a choice no matter what your situation is to is, let go instead of attach, to love instead of hate, smile instead of frown and so on. We are much stronger then we think and we have more power over our reality then we think by watching our thoughts. We all have been conditioned to be negative. We wear it like a badge of honor sometimes. Remember like attracts like so we do have a choice and it’s never to late or too early to start. I started doing things that supported me in feeling good about myself, healthy things that is. I’ve been night riding on my mountain bike for 3 solid years now and that has helped me to reduce stress and it is a meditation as well. But as you know the challenge starts when you slow down and take a look at yourself and watch your thoughts, your emotions and what your body is telling you. Find something that works for you and supports you in your highest good. As we all know excercise and nutrition are vital and so is staying properly hydrated. These are the things that have help me through my dark times.
"Thinking creates an image.
Images control feelings. Feelings cause actions. Actions create results." Nightrider Follow up - a friend - Mar 14th 2008
Hi Steven, i want you to know your post help me to put my own position in perspective. I hope you are ok and want to introduce you to Parental Alienation Syndrome. It is out there and the web and it looks like maybe Dr Phil is going to do a show on it. Please check into it. Editor's Note: FYI, we've got a podcast with Dr. Amy Baker that addresses the topic of Parental Alienation. A very worthwhile listen. To Steven - A friend - Mar 13th 2008
Steven, Although I haven't experienced all of the abuse that you have; I've experienced enough to completely relate to what your are saying and what you have written is almost to the T what I told my therapist. I am in a similiar situation and I know how hard it is. And having to ask one of those kinds of questions is very difficult. The only thing I can say is please dont commit suicide. If nothing else be an example of courage and determination for your children and hope like hell they get it someday. Men are more likely to commit suicide then women so know that and tell yourself its the testosterone plus men are conditioned differently as well.Ultimately we are all the same but it doesnt make it any easier to swallow. I keep myself alive simply because I have a mother and my sisters and no matter what scars they have left me I refuse to do that to my family. So I can make a difference there if no where else. Kids are funny and dont think of it as turning against you think of it as a defense mechanism it is hard for them to understand too and they have all that energy for other things at that age. I think you should go to the nearest mental health hospital and admit yourself and get your meds changed. And look forward to a happier life. Thats all I want now. Is a little happiness of my own that no one can ever take from me. It is out there. - david - Mar 11th 2008
I used to smoke crack and snmiff coke i dont think ill ever be the same and im only 19 now - Steven - Mar 10th 2008
Hello.... I am a 56 year old male. I think I am at the lowest point in my life. I would like to commit suicide, but I am afraid that anything other than a handgun will not do the trick. I feel this way because I have been in mental health therapy for the past thirty years. I've tried every kind of therapist and every kind of medication and nothing works very long. I am currently taking 300 mg of Effexor ER but its obviously not working if I want to kill myself. Actually, I think I've come to the realization that I may not really have depression. I now believe that my dispair is caused by so much rejection and abandonment in my life. I experienced a hellish childhood. I was ignored to the point that I really felt invisible, and still do sometimes. My mother regularly played with and sucked my penis. I know that I was anally penetrated, but that memory has not completely surfaced. But, I was a great father to my children. I vowed that when I had kids that I would hug them, tell them I loved them every single day, which I did. My relatioship with my kids was good until my divorce seven years ago. My son and daughter are 32 now and they totally hate me. Their mother has told them horrific lies about me and has manipulated them to joining her side. The crux of the problem is that my wife's family appeared to be like the Cleavers, but they hid a terrible secret. My wife's father sexually penetrated her in both places from the time she was two years old. She was admitted to the hospital at five years of age to have human papilloma viral warts removed from her vagina and anus. Horrible. What's more, her mother was addicted to a life of leisure and covered up what her husband was doing to her little girl. My ex wife's family never talks about anything unpleasant. Problems are not allowed to be spoken of. So, she grew up very closed and somehow I think she transferred this pattern to our children because they also refuse to talk about their inner lives. On the other hand, I was lucky to grow up in a family where we talked about issues. I was always the good father who sat on the edge of the kid's beds when they were having rough times. I was there for them. Their mother was emotionally unavailable. But, my kids and I had a pretty good loving relationship until she married her second husband. A REd Neck who is the polar opposite of me. He thinks that because I am sensitive and loving that i am gay, and he is a raging homophobe. So, he has take control over my daughter and has cut off relations with me, and she goes along with whatever he wants because of her codependency. I am not allowed to see my firstborn grandson because his parents see me as a pollutant who will damage Hank. My fondest dream has been to be a grandpa some day, but this dream has been totally crushed. To make matters worse, my son bonded with Red neck and now he sees me as a danger to Hank and he will have nothing to do with me. I can't take this any longer. I cry multiple times a day and have done so for the last year. How can a person go on without his family. It would almost been better if they had been killed in an accident, but this daily hatred is driving me crazy. I have given up trying to understand this. I don't think it can be explained. But I think there has been a fundamental shift in that my children have taken on my wife's hate of me. If I don't have my kids and grandkids, is there really a good reason to go on living? I know what you will say, that I probably have a lot to offer to others, but I cannot go on without the love of my family. Does anyone have any suggestions? My daughter agreed to go to counselling with me, but my ex talked her out of it. can anyone advise me on what to do? - egon - Mar 10th 2008
hello everyone i am here looking for some advice. i have been experiencing manic-depressive symptoms for about 3 years now, and up till now i have tried to ignore them, but its really beginning to effect my life and i want some help. I feel like life is going by, like im wearing a veil and i dont know who i am. im depressed about everything and nothing at the same time. i feel like im having an out of body experience constantly, i dont eat much, im scared of meeting people who are my best friends, im lonely and im confused. please if anyone has the same experiences, or has any idea of what i should do, or thinks that i have or anything, please reply. i may be depressed but im not a evil person thankyou all depression from loneliness is my closest friend - Kat - Mar 7th 2008
Hi, my name is Kat and I'm 25 years old. I have plenty of friends who I have a lot of fun with when we go out, but on the other hand they differ from me because they are not single - as I am. That's the thing what makes me depressed. At ordinary day, when I get back home from work I have no one to talk to, not even my family because they live abroad. I am very unlucky with relationships - every time I meet some one it doesn't last longer than few weeks. My friends say it's not me cos they think I'm a very nice person - I just always meet the wrong guy. I don't know where to move on... I tried to change my image, my life style, my work but nothing seems to be working - nothing fulfills me. There are some days I don't even go out I just stay at home and get drunk. That's the time when I'm having suicidal thoughts. Nobody would miss me if I'm gone. I'm finding a relief when I'm hurting myself eg hitting or cutting myself - that makes me feel stronger. I'm trying to find a reason to live but I just don't know where! Can anyone tell me what to do, please? I'm really desperate! Depress - - Mar 1st 2008
I think I might be Depressed or cyclothmia, becuse I have ups that last me a few days to a week and downs that last me a week Donna - - Feb 22nd 2008
For Donna and everyone else out there, I learned a really great technique to release some of that tension...Take a very deep breath and hold it in...count down five seconds very very slowly...when you reach zero let out your breath slowly...... do this everytime your agitated, it will relax you and make you aware of your body..... HELP!!!! - Donna - Feb 7th 2008
I need HELP!! I am losing my husband of 17 years. And I'm losing my kids as well. I have been depressed for some time now. It is killing me. My husband gave me my papers the other day. I have hit rock bottom and all I want is to DIE!!!! - Art O'Shea - Feb 1st 2008
Hope is what I offer. I have had MDD since 1994 when I had my third psychotic break and remained there for 13 years. I am 60 now and killed the main demon and his girlfriend in a night terror in February 2006 with their own weapons. I no longer have command hallucinations. I have been reading the Bible almost every day since 1968. At the onset of the third psychotic break I could barely read books, but pressed on. I begged my psychiatrists and conselors for a group session and was told that people with my disorder don't attend. I lost my construction corporation, my home of 20 years, my wife of 35 years but...I read and wrote. I forced myself to. I became homeless in 2000 and was finally graced with SSDI Last year our book; The Stone Soup Proposal was printed you can download it for free at http://www.stonesoupcorp.com it offers a lot of hope and answers to a lot of questions. This year Police Problems I & II will be published. They are a chronicle of my life, how I was a dealer and found the Lord and how He allowed me to thrive under attacks. When first diagnosed my psychiatrist gave me information on Major Depressive Episode with Psychotic features, I found out that after a third break after the age of 40 there was only one chance in ten of recovery. It can and does happen. Sure, I have suicidal ideation but hey, I'm still here. I hope this helps. I can relate - charlie - Jan 27th 2008
Hi Dawn I can relate to some of what you are saying, the feelings parts and lifestyle effects although the causes are different. If youd like to get in touch it would be nice to hear from you. THE LOWEST I'VE EVER BEEN - dawn elkins - Jan 13th 2008
I AM RUINING MY KIDS AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP THIS TRAIN WRECK WHEN IT WAS HAPPING TO ME WHEN I WAS A KID I SAID I WOULD NEVER, NOT PLAY, NOT ENCOURAGE, AND BE TO DEPRESSED TO HELP THEM OR ME I HAVE NO MONEY NO JOB AND NOONE TO HELP A LIFETIME NEGATIVE PERSON PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HOLE NO HOPE...... I dont know what to do - shatteredwoman - Dec 30th 2007
I have ocd when I was young . I developed panic attacks where i felt i was goin to have a seizure or something worse. i had a long struggle with addictions during the years I am 32 now after the years or abuse or substances. I had some horrible experiences in my life where i was hit i the head with a six by six wood attacked by a bully which been harrashing me for years and his friends. I had used drugs to cover and numb the pain i was going through. my head never was the same , i felt so scared and alone wanted someone to just accept and love me . but I have felt always like i had peices of me everywhere. Im trying to go back to school and fulfil my dream because a fashiondesigner which i know at least i am good at that. I go to school do good for awhile and get easily hurt and humilated by the teachers , cause i missed too much time and am afraid to tell them how depressedi am, i don't want to leave my apartment,it's sometimes hard to get ready and see people and do my schoolwork, my anxiety of being harrashed, made fun and feel too ugly fat and stupid at times even though i know and am talented i just get so overwhelmed and stresses out , and hurt by others acting too good for anyone I know i shouldn't let them get to me but they don't help the way i feel, i ant to die but im scared to hurt myself i want to succeed but can't stop myself from being afraid. i have bad moodsswings sometimes hyperhappy to super depressed hopeless and really sad..I am taking 50 mg of paxilcr and feeel this bad still please someone help me Me too. - alex - Dec 27th 2007
Hello, I just wanted to say my situation is very similar to Chucks, regarding being bullied over custody and visitation issues with his son for the past five years. I have two young daughters, five years older now. The narcissistic tendencies of his wife, particularly the bullying and feigning innocence regarding her own mind-blowing thoughts, words and actions is dead on. Her NPD appears to be generational on her father's side of the family. Her father's sister did the same thing to her husband the generation before, in the same county I might add. The huge difference between Chuck and me is this: I have had relatively mild but chronic depression since childhood, which I consider a more clinical and treatable condition, but the treatment got me in bigger trouble with the ex five years ago, so I stopped the meds altogether. While the loss of my children has been like pouring salt in a wound as I am now caught in a more serious and pervasive depression compounding the issue that I believe is much more situational, thanks in great part to the legal industry having financial motive to perpetuate such issues, as do most industries... As for due process, when children are involved due process is simply a luxury few can afford, regardless of the situation and the inevitable accusations. In fact, a mother's best weapon today is to make the accusation that the father is a pedophile, because it heightens the emotions of people well beyond any reasonable desire for proof to the contrary, as if this is actually possible, which it's not, not really. I think this one rumor has affected my employability in this fairly small town more than I could have imagined, since I grew up in a very large city. There is no help available in this state for this situation that I have come across intentionally or not. Best luck to you Chuck. I can relate. I hope you can find help where you're at. Alex. dont know - edie - Dec 16th 2007
i dont know what i have but will explain my feelings and maybe someone will know. i am affraid of elevators and closed spaces for many years but now something worse is happening. since my ma had an accident i am allways scarred something can happen to her. ifshe calles a few min. to late my fears are so bad i think my heart will explode. i cant talk myself out of it. HELP sad - broken hearted - Dec 13th 2007
I just broke up with my girlfriend who I have been living with and going to school with. We fight all the time about how we don't understand each other and she is moving out in a month. We are both art students and she is a really happy person over all. I feel like it is my fault that we've been fighting so much, and it really is horrible because she is sooo amazing to me some times. I don't know if it's just because we are both imature or if we are not meant to be together. Since I came to school I have become increasingly depressed and nervous. I don't know why. I've seen a number of different phycologists and lost most of my friends. After school today I just broke down, I can't do it anymore and I am so comforted by peoples stories, I think it doesn't make me feel any better but when I know that people are experiencing the same things as me there is some relief. After reading that article and it said that the number one cause of phycological illness was depression it made me wonder why everyone is so depressed? I would think that it has something to do with the expectations that our culture puts on us but how do we solve that? That is why I started making art in the first place, because it was a way out of that. It made me feel good again and not like just some guy that was born and would die. I want to make a difference in the world, and I just can't do it when I feel like this. I am not depressed. The incorrect label adds to the persecution which makes my life beyond miserable. - - Dec 3rd 2007
Hello: I am the victim of profound bullying in relation to custody for my son. I have been stripped of all parental rights and as a ploy of the false accusations to which I have been subjected is the effort on my ex's dysfunctional, narcissistic, anti-empathetic cruelty to abdicate her responsibility for the harm she is causing (psychologically, emotionally, professionally, financially, and residentially) by accusing me of being mentally ill. Further, instead of protecting me and my son from the horror of this person, the family law courts have empowered her to do so by denying me due process throughout this entire five year ordeal. The mental health profession, in turn, has added to this persecution by failing to look at the reality of my situation which demands unhappiness and a sesnse of persecution by anyone and has falsely diagnosed me with depression and PTSD. I have four questions: 1. Please offer a referral to a mental health professional who has expertise in bullying and can identify the wrongness of what is being done to me as opposed to trying to falsely find what is wrong with me, which only adds to the hurt and pain, as well as further bury me in the falseness which keeps me from obtaining custody of my son for his and my benefit of our relationship and to save him from the horror of humanity as embodied in his mother and her family. 2. What is wrong with the mental health profession for its failure to train its clinicians to identify victimization as opposed to mentally ill? Ten percent of those persons who threaten or attempt suicide are NOT mentally ill (according to the American Psychological Association; of course, reflective of their failure to comprehend victimization, they state "90% of people who threaten or attempt suicide have a diagnosable mental illness at the time of the incident"). I would estimate that this would be even greater if the profession had the criteria and skills to not label victims of perpetual psychological and emotional persecution as "depressed" either through the experience of stressors or bio-chemically. 3. Do you know of a lawyer who has expertise in bullying victimization, especially one who wants to establish equal parenting rights to prevent the bullies from ever having the opportunity to inflict their harm? 4. How does a person obtain an accurate diagnosis of not being mentally ill and get their name cleared for future legal and professional purposes? Thank you! thanks - Chuck - Dec 2nd 2007
Thanks, I really need the help and I could not Find it on my own. - - Dec 1st 2007
hi this is difficult for me as i have never been diagnosed proffessionally regardless in my effort to seek help when feeling alone with overwhelming sadness. i look back on life and as far as i can remember felt this emptiness and feelings of detachment for many years. it is uplifting to know there is help and support from people who share the sme emotions.i recon i m bipolar and hope to learn a lot more from this site.it has been an insperation Lonely and depessed - - Nov 27th 2007
I'm not sure what I'm suppost to say about it other then the fact that I always seem to be upset and having days were I want nothing but to end my life. I just want to be able to talk to someone about it without feeling stupid or like a idiot. My friends are not the type to talk to about it because they have no idea what to say or how they can help me and I just wish I had the ability to be able to get over this but its been about three years now since I've been really happy and every time I smile its one of those fake smiles just to hide what I'm really feeling. Jes - JAz - Nov 22nd 2007
Works like a charm: Print this article out and leave it on a table for her to read. to jessica - response - Nov 21st 2007
don't give up jessica. you're mom might not be able to understand you, but many people can and will...and they will help you, too. please go find some professional help...for all of us sufferers of depression. i know how you feel...please please take care. I know... - Jessica - Nov 20th 2007
I think i have MDD, yet my mother dose not even care and when i tell her how i feel, she just says "well sry u feel that way" and dose nothing, iv tried killing myself, i need help and idk what to do...... Yes?????? - DKB - Oct 24th 2007
I have been told that I suffer from manic depression and that I am bi-polar, but I have never felt any of the highs that are associated with that. Perhaps I need to see if the doctor could change his opinion to unipolar. BTW - my insurance is considering whether or not they will permit me to retain their coverage so have been without my cymbalta for nearly two weeks and the depression is horrible as well as dizziness, nausea, etc. Think I am going through withdrawal, huh? reply to u - moira - Oct 22nd 2007
that is sweet of you, for anyone feeling lonely - Dante - Oct 10th 2007
Hey, If this is how you feel, and you can't talk about it to someone you know- I just want you guys to know that you don't have to be alone, you can write to me, just to talk. Eventhough I'm not some type of professional, I am a psychology student at York University. good luck, dante | 
For people dealing with Major Depression, negative feelings linger, intensify, and often become debilitating. 
