Resources  email page print page Basic Information Chapter 1 - Self-help: What is it? Chapter 1 - IndexIntroduction to the Online Self-Help BookTaking Action is KeyExample of Taking Action (with analysis)Steps in the Self-help ProcessSteps 1-4: Problem AnalysisSteps 5-7: Planning a SolutionSteps 8 and 9: Taking ActionSteps to Self-Help OverviewBenefits of Self-helpDisadvantages of Self-helpWhen Self-help Is InappropriateDeciding Whether to Use Self-help or Professional HelpDiagnosis vs. Self-DiagnosisRisks of Self DiagnosisConclusion Chapter 2 - Understanding the Nature of your Problem Chapter 2 - IndexIntroductionIdentify What Life Domains Are AffectedSocial ProblemsLifestyle IndicatorsSelf Identity ProblemsLevels of EmotionSexual Identity and Gender IdentityCultural IdentityLife Domains ConclusionDraw Upon Your ExistingSources of Inaccurate KnowledgeSources of Inaccurate Knowledge: ConclusionTelling True From FalseDraw Upon Scientific Methods and KnowledgeConcerns in Science Chapter 3 - Overview of Bio-Psycho-Social Theories Chapter 3 - IndexIntroductionThe Bio-Psycho-Social ModelImplications of Medicine for Self-helpImplications of Psychological Theories for Self-help: IntroductionLearning TheoryPsychodynamic TheoriesHumanistic TheoryPersonality Trait TheoryDevelopmental TheoriesSocially Oriented Theories: Family SystemsSocially Oriented Theories: Further Points Chapter 4 - Meeting Basic Needs Chapter 4 - IndexIntroductionMethods for Meeting Basic NeedsMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: Shelter, Food, and Medical CareMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: NutritionMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: SleepMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: ExerciseMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: SafetyMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: BelongingMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: Relaxation and FunAssessing Basic Needs Chapter 5 - Changing Behavior and Thought Chapter 5 - IndexMethods for Changing Behavior and ThoughtsTechniques for Learning New BehaviorsTechniques for Unlearning Old BehaviorsTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: ExtinctionTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: Self-MonitoringTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: Biofeedback and NeurofeedbackTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: OverviewDealing with Avoidance-Motivated BehaviorDealing with Avoidance-Motivated Behavior: ExposureDealing with Avoidance-Motivated Behavior: Response PreventionDealing with Avoidance-Motivated Behavior: Flooding and Rational OverrideDealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Relapse PreventionDealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Relapse Prevention (Continued)Dealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Tapering Methods vs. Cold TurkeyDealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Aversion TherapyApplying Learning Principles to ThoughtsApplying Learning Principles to Thought: Cognitive RestructuringCommon Types of Thought and Belief MistakesCommon Types of Thought and Belief Mistakes: Jumping to Conclusions and Emotional Reasoning BiasesCognitive RestructuringThought StoppingSelf-Suggestion Approaches: Affirmations, Imagery and RelaxationHypnosis and Self-Hypnosis Self-Suggestion Approaches Chapter 6 - Changing Your Mood Chapter 6 - IndexMethods For Changing Your MoodSelf-Soothing Techniques: Venting and JournalingSelf-Soothing Techniques: Relaxation Methods, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, and MassageSelf-Soothing Techniques: Autogenic Training and YogaSelf-Soothing Techniques: MeditationSelf-Soothing Techniques: DistractionSelf-Soothing Techniques: Physical Exercise Chapter 7 - Changing Your Knowledge Chapter 7 - IndexChanging Your Knowledge, Skills and Abilities and CredentialsPersonal Knowledge and Informal LearningPublic, Documented Knowledge and Credential ProgramsLearning Knowledge vs. SkillLearning Knowledge vs. Skill: PracticeTime Management and OrganizationTime Management and Organization: Commitment Mapping Chapter 8 - Changing Your Relationships Chapter 8 - IndexMethods For Changing Your RelationshipsSocial SkillsSocial Skills: Role PlayingNetworkingSocializationSetting boundaries AppropriatelySetting boundaries Appropriately: Assertiveness TrainingSetting boundaries Appropriately: Assertiveness Training (Continued)Setting boundaries Appropriately: Anger ManagementSetting boundaries Appropriately: Aggressive BehaviorValues Clarification (Again!) Chapter 9 - Changing Your Identity and Motivation Chapter 9 - IndexMethods For Changing Your Identity and Your MotivationsExploring Perspectives on the Past, Present and FutureChanging Perspectives On The PastChanging Perspectives On The Past: Autobiography and Analysis of TransferenceChanging Perspectives On The Past: GenogramChanging Perspectives On The Past: OverviewMethods for Changing Perspective on the PresentMethods for Changing Perspective on the Present: Understanding Your Basic Personality ProfileCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Basic and Intermediate DefensesCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Mature DefensesCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Mature DefensesCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Questions to Ask OneselfValues and Morals ClarificationValues and Morals Clarification: Value ChangesMethods For Changing Perspective On The FutureMethods For Changing Perspective On The Future: Challenging Pessimistic Tendencies Chapter 10 - Your Unique Self-Help Plan Chapter 10 - IndexIntroductionCreating Your Unique Self-Help Plan: Setting Goals and Selecting MethodsCreating Your Unique Self-Help Plan: Plan ManagementCreating Your Unique Self-Help Plan: Stick With It!Example self-help plans: 1 & 2Example Self-help Plans: 3Example Self-help Plans: 4Example Self-help Plans: 5 Chapter 11 - Specific Problems Chapter 11 - IndexIntroduction to Specific PlansAbuseAddictions (Including Alcoholism)ADHDAnger and AggressionAnxiety and WorryCompulsive Eating and Not-EatingDatingDebt and Compulsive Spending (Shopping Addiction)DepressionGamblingInternet AddictionObsessive Compulsive DisorderProcrastinationPublic SpeakingRelationship ProblemsSelf-ConfidenceSexual AddictionSexual ProblemsSleep ProblemsSmokingSpeech ProblemsWorkaholism Chapter 12 - Dependency Chapter 12 - IndexIntroductionForces of DependencyMethods for Decreasing Dependency: Change Your Thoughts and BeliefsMethods of Decreasing Dependency: Change Your BehaviorMethods for Decreasing Dependency: Change Your KnowledgeMethods for Decreasing Dependency: Change Your Identity More Information Are You Ready to Declare Your Dysfunctional ProcrastinationHow To Set New Year's Resolutions and Stick With Them Questions and Answers Trauma and Drama: Why are friends and family rejecting me? When there is someone who is better looking than me, I feel inadequateWhat is the true meaning of being defensive?Stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship for 10 yearsHow do I get out of a friendship?Anger To Cover SadnessAsking a second time for boundaries to be respectedWhat is the right path of action?Please help me with basic social skillsstanding up for oneself Blog Entries The Incredible Human Brain, Neuroplasticity, and the Power of Positive ThinkingIf you lived here…An Interview with Jürgen Kriz on the topic of Self-Actualization and Rogerian Person Centered PsychotherapyPursue a New You Through True Self ValueWhat effect will prejudice have at the polling booths? How To Set New Year's Resolutions and Stick With ThemDysfunctional ProcrastinationThe Nature of EnvyHow To Stick To New Year's ResolutionsUnderstanding PerfectionismSelf-Control and Success (and how to learn better self-control too) Videos The Assertive Type VideoThe Passive Type VideoThe Aggressive Type VideoThe Passive-Aggressive Type Links [1] Information[4] Videos

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I have been taking singing lessons for several years and have a very close relationship with my teacher. The problem is, she is trying to turn me into a diva, planning concerts for us etc. and I just did not say no. I love singing and her recognition of my talent is very flattering to me, but I get very anxious when performing. I do not want to disappoint her or let her down. I also feel, that maybe I should be wanting this and feel guilty for the fact that I have no ambition. The concert is planned for June, but nothing is etched in stone yet. I feel pressured to perform and spend quite a bit of money on the preparations. I would like to bail out and tell her how I really feel. On the other hand, I want to keep her as a friend and I don\'t want to be considered a looser. A small part of me is mad as well. After all, the concert is her idea and why should I invest so much for something that is pleasing to her, but not me. My local friend and family are no big help. They cannot understand, why someone with my talent would not want to be a start. It seems to be the story of my life to fufill everybody else\'s ambitions because I have none, but I have the talent. Could you please clarify this whole thing? I am confused.

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