I am bulimic for more than 10 years, and it is killing me...

I don't know exactly where to start... I have been a "hard-core" bulimic now since I was 14 (am 27 now), throwing up as much as 7 times a day. The only time I was ever able to "control" this was when I was on drugs (the non-Rx kind) of which I have been clean of for 2 1/2 years. Lately, my eating, purging habits have gotten out of control. I mean, I KNOW I have a problem. I KNOW I cannot eat and purge in the way that I am, and I feel completely powerless about it. I can easily eat up to 20,000 calories in a sitting, purge, and then do it again. I've counted, and it makes me sick, but I cannot stop. I am afraid to tell my friends, I fear that they will not know how to respond and judge me. I cannot afford to get "real" help, for I am putting myself through school, and that is another reason this is scaring me. I am eating (on average) SIXTY DOLLARS worth of junk food a DAY!!!! (of which I immedeatly purge). I CANNOT afford this! I am short on rent almost every month!!! I don't know what to do! I need help, but I dont know where to turn or... or anything. I feel lost, guilty, and scared, I know that this is HORRID for my health and for my mental well being, but how can I stop? I should also mention that I am Bi-Polar, diagnosed at age 9, and have not been able to be on my meds for about a year plus now (financial reasons). Sometimes, I get so frustrated with myself and my eating habits, I just, I don't want to do it anymore, and that scares me more than anything.... please, any help you can give me, I would greatly appreciate. Thank you.

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