Pedophile Priests: Monstrous But Not MonstersMark Dombeck, Ph.D. Updated: Oct 1st 2002I was talking with friends recently and the conversation came around to pedophile priests and the recent awful and painful revelation by American Catholic Church leaders (perhaps not so much a revelation as a moment where denial failed) that a minority of their priests had sexually abused young boys over the last 30 years or so. While all of us were united in condemning pedophilia and the actions of these minority of priests, we were split on how we interpreted the motivations behind these terrible and abusive actions. There were a variety of voices offered, but it seemed to me that essentially two arguments were being made. We might call one of these arguments the 'monster' idea, and the other the 'all too human' idea. The 'monster' voices among us thought that the pedophiles in question must have been so lacking in morals and ethics that they either did not know right behavior from wrong, or simply did not give a thought to the idea that they were doing wrong (e.g., they were simply amoral monsters and sociopaths). The 'all too human' voices among us thought that the pedophile priests probably did (for the most part at least) know right from wrong, and acted as they did in spite of that knowledge based on a compulsion that they could not figure out how to control.
I was one of the lead voices for the 'all too human' side of the conversation. I don't actively provide psychotherapy anymore, but when I did, I had occasion to come into contact with a few pedophiles. In my experience, once you got past a pedophile's bluster and denial and confronted him with his actions, he was typically pretty much ashamed of himself. This may have been simply good acting for my benefit, but I've tended to think that at least some of it was genuine. While their guilt didn't stop them from continuing to act monstrously, and of course in no way excuses what these men had done to children, it did humanize them in my eyes. The pedophiles I knew acted monstrously, but were in essence very messed up, very sick human beings and not monsters. They knew right from wrong, but acted wrongly. It seemed too simplistic for me to think about why they did what they did as due to a moral/ethical incapacity.
Why would someone who knows right from wrong, especially a priest-type of individual trained in upholding moral laws, act in such an awful manner? As I thought about how to begin to answer this question, it occurred to me that the forces that might lead a priest (or anyone vulnerable to act this way) into such vile and harmful behavior were in some sense similar to the forces that lead average people into addictions, binge eating, and domestic violence.
What we're dealing with here is the allure of forbidden behavior, and the ways that people can develop compulsions to act out forbidden behavior of various types. When a type of behavior is declared forbidden, it is generally because it has become clear that that behavior leads to harmful outcomes, either for society or for the individual. Now - people don't typically do things that they don't like to do - so really - for a behavior to become forbidden it is generally not only harmful to society or the individual; it is something people like to do a lot that happens to be harmful to society or the individual. There are lots of examples of things people like to do a lot (because those things help them to feel pleasure, or dominance or control, or arousal) that are also dangerous to society or to individuals. Drugs feel good when you take them but cause all sorts of societal and health problems. Punching out your spouse when he or she annoys you feels powerful and commanding, I suppose, but makes for bad marriages as well as societal and health problems. Finally, having sexual contact (deviant sexual contact counts) tends to be highly arousing, but can become associated with societal, health and psychological problems. In the case of the pedophile, something in their psychosexual development gets derailed, and they end up becoming sexually aroused by young children. And for whatever reasons, it ends up so that it feels good to them to force sexual contact on children, even though it very much harms the children who become victims of their attention.
Imagine for a moment that you are a person plagued by pedophilic thoughts and feelings. Lets also imagine that you've struggled with these thoughts and feelings for a long time (sometimes successfully and sometimes unsuccessfully). You've maneuvered yourself into a position in the community that affords you access to and power over children, although you may never have consciously put it all together why this was important for you to do. Your experience might go something like this.
You find yourself attracted to some children around you one afternoon. You know this is wrong and you tell yourself this is wrong. You feel ashamed of yourself for experiencing the fantasies that you are experiencing. Still, as time goes by you find yourself increasingly craving the experience of your fantasies until your craving for sexual contact with children comes to dominate your waking thoughts. While you still feel very guilty about your desire, you also vividly remember how free and nice it has felt in the past to act out. Your guilt feels restrictive while your fantasy life feels exuberant and free. And you find that, while you still know that pedophilia is quite wrong, you are also starting to see some seemingly 'positive' benefits that children might gain from it. What has happened is that you have started to slip into denial, into rationalization. Your brain has started to weave stories that, backed by the promise of sweet freedom and release of your fantasies, seem very plausible: "I'm just going to educate these kids", "I'm just expressing my affection for them", "That look in the child's eye means that he is coming on to me". And in this context of 'temporary insanity', you act out on your fantasy and harm a child, or children. And as good as the sexual release felt, you feel that much more awful about yourself as soon as it is over. You are revealed as the predatory monster you were afraid you were, guilty as charged. You are filled with self-loathing, hatred. And yet .... time goes by and the feeling of acute shame or guilt or whatever it is fades, and one day you find yourself attracted to some children around you one afternoon.....
This sort of thing is a wheel; a circular pattern of behavior. The 'temporary insanity' you experience when you give in to your strong desire is not really all that temporary - rather it is cyclic and repeating. And it tends to be stronger than your own will to defeat it precisely because it is able to undermine your will to resist it. We are not rational creatures. Rather we are emotional creatures who sometimes are able to act rationally. And, while you may be 100% invested in ethical teachings, you are also capable of having those investments 'temporarily' overridden by your desires, your cravings (and the pseudo-rational excuses you make to yourself to justify how you will act) in such a powerful way that you don't really see it coming.
The behavior is forbidden, and so you must keep it a secrete. This is particularly the case in pedophilia, but it could also be the case in addiction, or binge eating. You yourself are unable to get your appetites under control. Your best bet would be to submit to external scrutiny (as in twelve step programs, counselors, etc.) - but you don't do that because it might ruin you (so you think). And so you go on and on; the wheel goes around and round and you get sicker and sicker.
Once you understand the basic idea of how this 'wheel of forbidden desire' works, you can hopefully see parallels in other forms of disordered behavior. At least to my mind, the wheel works pretty well as a way of thinking about how people get trapped in binge eating problems, in addictions and alcoholism and in a range of other problems. While the desire for alcohol, drugs or food is not quite so awful as the desire to sexually abuse a child there are strong similarities in how cravings and fantasies play havoc with judgment and result in a cyclical and repeating 'temporary suspension of control' and a lapse into intoxication or binge eating, typically followed by remorse/guilt/shame, and then more lapses.
The wheel idea expressed above is not mine. I picked it up during my graduate training (darned if I can remember exactly where). I know ideas like this have been around since at least the 60s (in the writings of Gregory Bateson). I also remember quite distinctly being taught about a very similar wheel that attempts to be a loose model of how domestic violence stays stable over time. In the domestic violence model, one spouse (typically the man) beats the crap out of the other spouse (typically the woman) in a fit of anger. The anger feeling is also a feeling of dominance, and control. From the perspective of the domestic abuser, it feels very good to beat the crap out of your spouse at the time because "she deserves it", "she was pissing me off (and deserves retribution)", "she failed me in some way". Such distorted thoughts are very reinforcing and pleasurable to a man who is basically insecure about his ability to control anything. Shortly after the beating is over, there may be a reconciliation phase, where the man is sorry and guilty for having hurt his spouse, and the woman may be thinking things like, "I must have deserved that", or "I know he loves me because he is so jealous". The two partners may use this time to make up (and have a sexual encounter), and then there would be a period of relative quiet which would be broken by the next explosion of anger and violence. This is not exactly the same wheel - but it is similar in that you can see the same sort of changes in thinking (that justify the use of violence or not) that occur cyclically over time within the relationship.
From a social policy point of view, I'm not sure it matters whether or not pedophiles are best considered simple moral monsters or more complex sick human beings who do monstrous things. The crime here is so awful and the repercussions are so negative for the victims that for the purposes of social policy 'zero tolerance' or 'extremely low tolerance' are the only coherent responses. Once identified, a pedophile needs to be kept away from children. This imperative needs to take place as fast as possible after identification takes place, and it probably needs to remain in place for the rest of the pedophile's life. While I do see similarities between an alcoholic's relationship with alcohol, the binge eater's relationship with cookies, pasta and ice cream, and the pedophile's relationship with child sexual abuse, these similarities drop away when societal consequences of lapses are considered. A binging eater will harm only him or herself and a binging alcoholic (so long as he or she does not drive) is unlikely to harm anyone but him or her self. In contrast, a 'binging' pedophile will certainly harm others and generally in a fairly catastrophic way.
Actually, as I think of it - the social consequences of alcoholism are pretty large too (as it is unrealistic for me to assume that alcoholics will not drive. Perhaps the laws governing driving while intoxicated could be strengthened while we're at it....
So - this is obviously a complex issue, and a charged one at that. What do you think about this topic? Please leave a comment below to let us know what you think. it started as a child - steve - Jan 22nd 2010
I once had a friend who confided in me his sickness. He said it started when he was 10 years old when he play-acted (no sex, just kissing and fondling) with a neighborhood girl who was 7 years old, and that he had only a very mild occasional attraction to young girls (6to 16) up until the age of 22 when he had a sexual experience with a 12 year old girl. He said that was the one and only time he ever acted out his desires, that it was only oral, and that she initiated it. (I believed him about those three things because our talks involved alot of bearing of the soul on his part, over a period of about 18 months, and alot of alcohol for both of us .The first time he talked about it was when he was very drunk.) He said he had been confused about it in his teens, confused depressd and ashamed about it in his 20's and 30's, and had thought of killing himself many times. He said at age 42 (when i knew him) he was certain he would kill himself someday.
He said he grew up in a middle to lower class neighberhood in Ohio and that after that one experience he was approached by three other underage girls for oral sex. He said he turned them away, he did not engage in sex with them because he was so confused and ashamed of what he had done. He theorized that the girl he had sex with told her friends about what she had done, and that's why they approached him. He said from age 22 to age 42 he never touched a girl again but that he used pictures of girls he bought in magazines and pictures of girls on tv to masterbate to.
He stated he had a theory about pedophilia that it was genetically based with some pedophiles. Not that his genes were the exact cause of his sickness but that it gave him more of a predeliction for it. Sometimes he waivered on the theory,stating in one conversation it only predisposed him to pedophilia, and in another conversation stating he thought maybe it did cause it. He said he felt this way personally about himself because he had never been molested in any way as a child (he was emphatic about that) and he started having those feelings when he was only 10 even before he met that neighberhood girl. He stated that he felt his theory only applied to some pedophiles, because obviously the persons who were molested as children had been "imprinted". That is, if a child had been "imprinted" with the experience of sex at an early age, then that is obviously what caused him to be a pedophile later in life.
He said he had a friend who was also a pedophile, a man who had a sexual relationship with one of his mothers friends when he was 7 years old. He said his friend called it a "relationship" because it lasted 2 years. He said his friend said it was mutual and consensual and he did NOT feel that he was molested. The friend said it ended abruptly and the woman would not talk to him or see him anymore and that that hurt more than anything else. He said his friend was an example of someone who had been "imprinted".
He also talked about what a couple of persons earlier in this discussion had mentioned, that ever since man had became man some 40,000, or 100,000, or whatever number of years ago, men older than 18 were having sex with girls younger than 18 and that through those thousands of years a certain percentage of the human population had become genetically predisposed to the possibilty of underage sex, not the certainty of it , but the possibilty of it. That is , if that person experienced pedophilic thoughts or a pedophilic experience presented itself that person would not automatically be abhorent to those thoughts or experiences. His personal estimate was that some 5% to 10% of the human population had this genetical mutation (higher in some countrys, cultures, and certain parts of the world, and lower in other parts). And the other 90 to 95% were instinctively turned off or abhored by these thoughts.
Was he a monster ? I did not think so, because in the two years that i knew him he was genuinely a good person. Everyone who knew him thought he was a great person. He just happened to have this sick secret side that noone knew about. He may have had sick fantasies but i don't believe he ever acted them out. I don't know what happened to him because he moved out of state. From the level of despair and sadness he showed me at times, he has probably commited suicide by now.
Moving on to another aspect of this discussion, I knew a woman who had been "molested" as a girl. I put the astericks around the word molested because she told me she did not feel violated or molested by her experience, and did not feel it harmed her in any way. She was a 21 year old with a husband and a one year old baby boy. We all worked at the same company and were casual friends after work. As far as i could tell they had a normal good life. One night after work we were drinking wine at their place (her husband still was at work and was going to join us later), and we were getting drunk and were flirting with each other (friendly non-serious flirting), and she told me she was molested when she was 9 years old. She just came right out and said "I was molested when I was 9 years old". Her mother had gone into the hospital for an operation and was there for two weeks. She said while her mom was there her step-father initiated oral sex on her. She said she wasn't scared and she didn't try to stop it, because he was a good father to her (up until then) and he told her everybody did it but everybody kept it a secret. He initiated oral sex on her every night for two weeks and only made her recipicate the last two days. When her mother came home from the hospital she told her mother what had happened (not in a hurt way, but like "guess what i did".) He was sent to prison and they divorced. I asked her how it affected her (she was in a good mood the whole time she told me this). She said "Not bad. Actually i liked it ." She went on to say that after the second night she actually enjoyed it and looked forward to it each night. I asked her hadn't it affacted her badly in life and she said "No.The worst part is that i told my mom about it and got him sent to prison." There was more to the conversation (parts i can't remember) but the jist of it was that she seemed very calm and ok about it and seemed only saddened when she told me about how her step-dad had gone to prison. I do remember her saying at one point "No,.... I didn't feel violated,.... I didn't feel "molested",....I don't think it's hurt me." The conversation went on to other things and we never talked about it again. About a year later they were transfered to another office and we fell out of touch. I heard later on from a co-worker that they had divorced amiably and that they still got along ok. I don't know how the rest of their lives turned out .
These are my two experiences with the topic of pedophilia, one who was a pedophile and one who was molested by one. I have never known personally anyone who was raped or brutilized,or forced to do something in a non-consensual way. I can understand when someone wants to kill or lock away forever a pedophile who rapes or kills children. For some of those people who feel that way, it is probably because they were molested as a child, or because they have friends or family who were. For those who were raped or molested badly it can traumitize them until the day they die.
This was my two cents worth on the subject. I don't feel they are all "monsters". I don't feel they are all "evil". I think that in the cases of consenual molestation the worst effects upon the victim are the ones put upon them by society after the event. For some persons it is not the event that hurts them , but the way their family, friends. the law, and society treats them, and what happened to them, after the event .
And because of the way society and the law treat even a non-practicing pedophile, it seems the only way out for them is prison or suicide. Struggling - Jacob - Jan 2nd 2010
I have been sexually attracted to children since I myself was a child; I was around 10 when the "curiosity" started, and I was about 12 when I began actively seeking out young boys to fulfill my fantasy. I should comment that I have no memory of ever being sexually abused myself. I didn't have a perfect childhood, but it wasn't horrible either.
I am 26 now, and am still having these horrible urges. I have never acted out on a child but have come close a few times - lucky for me and the boy something happened that terminated the encounter before I could actually do something stupid.
I don't know where these fantasies came from. Although it may sound like an excuse, I really don't think at 10 or 12 years old I understood what I was getting myself into; and when I did understand, I was already addicted.
I am extremely afraid to tell anyone about this. My family and friends all think I'm this great guy who always fulfills his obligations; people keep asking me why I'm not married. I'm not married because I know that eventually I'd have to tell the person I marry about this and that if I had children, little boys of my own, I'd probably act out on them.
Someone commented about the Sinclair method of extinction. From what I've read you have to be drinking alcohol in order for the addiction to go away faster. I'm not sure how this would work with pedophilia, but if there is a doctor out there that wants to do a clinical trial, I'm more than willing to volunteer as long as I can remain anonymous. I don't want to live like this forever. guess he makes a point - cami - Oct 27th 2009
well, i guess he makes a point, i mean if the thought keeps lingering in the pedophiles mind.same thing can be said about rapists, serial killers( just love the way it feels slashing a person over and over). Molesting a child is the extremely selfish, there is no cure and you are a danger to public. Why is the act of pedophilia forbidden? because your taking advantage of a naive child for your own sexual gratification.
I know a lady who is a nun now, she sexually molested her four children. She made one of them her sex slave, so he had to perform things on her. And now this lady denies everything and calls her kids liars and that they're trying to destroy her as a person.
When u feel u might violate a child, the logical thing to do would be to commit suicide, its the least selfish thing to do. But these people r selfish, and their sexual desires are more important than violating a naive inocent child. I understand u might not be able to help the thoughts, but u can help the actions, we r human beings, not animals, we can control our actions.
It distroys people's lives, especially if its your mother or father, you feel worthless and u feel as a child u were just a sex toy. and u feel ashamed if u liked it too, even though u didnt know what was going on. I think thats a little more traumatizing then other things. then your surprised that these victims dont care about others, or they kill people? how can u care about others, when your own mother didnt care about u and used you for her sexual desires. To: "Pedophiles are monstors" - - Oct 23rd 2009
Ridiculous, you can't just say something like "even murderers have good points" and "not calling pedophiles monstors undermines what their victims went through", those points completely negate each other. Think about what you're writing for once.
You are pretty much saying "I don't understand these people so they are wrong and should go die". This is on the grounds of bigotry and rascism.
Sounds like you are the monster, disgusting.
Help Required - - Sep 2nd 2009
My friend has just found out that her male childhood friend has been molesting children for over 20 years and is presently serving time in prison. This has come as a devastating shock to her and has greatly affected her mental health. I know she cannot comprehend that someone she has been so close to on a regular basis has (unbeknown to her) had many previous convictions. He truly led a double life and she feels devastated on many levels since finding out the truth about him. Added to that she has just got divorced around the same time as her friend being arrested. She seems so angry now and in denial. I know this friend writes to her from prison and phones her- she is horrified by his actions to children but just cannot seem to cut him out of her life.
As this lady is my friend I worry as I can see her suffering and his manipulation of her even from prison. I and others want her to cut all contact (as she has two young children herself) from him but she just cannot seem to walk away! What can I do to help her please?
Many Thanks
Help forum for peadophiles - findingapathway - Jul 23rd 2009
http://findingapathway.aceboard.com
under construction but will be building soon.
Pedophiles are monsters! - - Jul 10th 2009
To say that pedophiles are not monsters undermines what their victims have had to endure! Even murderers have some good qualities! They still murder though don't they? Pedophiles can not be helped. Call it a brain abnormality or whatever. Doesn't matter! They know what they do is wrong and yet they continue to molest children. How can you compare this with alcoholism? Not the same abuse-mentally or physically. Not even close. Don't try to justify these perverts' actions. Modern science has no cure so lock them up for life! Whenever they are let out they continue to rape children. Be more concerned with the children not them. Protect our kids from them. Keep them out of our neighborhoods! They have no rights at all! Give them the death penalty which would help all of us! This is a heinous crime! Don't care if it is a mental illness. Don't care if they're priests! Let the Vatican build prisons for their pedophile priests, cardinals etc. They certainly have enough $$$! Sell a painting off their wall! No Help, No Cure - - Jul 2nd 2009
As you have probably gathered by now there seems to be no cure that does not result in some type of prosecution. Does this mean that you have to commit the crime in order to receive help? What about the people who have not yet committed a crime but are seeking the help and support the may require to help them with this illness.
It’s all very well saying find them all, shoot them or lock them up but in reality this will not happen or work you will just end up driving them deeper underground. To help stop this problem people need to first understand that this is an illness and I’m sure 99% of the people engaging in this type of activity feel ashamed and do truly want to stop. How can we help these people if there is no help for them to receive? If you are an alcoholic or drug user how would they get help?? In my eyes there is no difference, Help is help and by helping these people we create a better and safer environment for us all. what makes a peodiphile, a peodiphile? - C - - May 26th 2009
I would like to know how does a person become a peodiphile?? Issit only after being molested as a child ? ,Also the "arrogant pedeophilies" mentioned in the article are the ones most pple come across. I know that historically men have always wed young girls usually after they have their first period. That would mean that these girls have achieved sexual maturity, however a peodiphile is one that is attracted to pre-pubscent children... so its totally unreleated. I don't understand how a person man or woman can be attracted to a child. I think like rape, its mostly about power and control over another human being. Also isit possible that a person can only molest one child and never do it again ? and now that person has access to another child (their own) is it likely that the abuse will re-occur? Possibly a cure - that guy from Georgia - Feb 22nd 2009
I have just completed a comment on the Sinclair Method and went on to read additional articles by the same author.Sinclair seems to believe as I do that some sexual deviancy can be corrected through extinction. I believe that targeted extinction should be explored immediately for these people.What is the difference between an alcoholic, smoker, compulsive gambler, heroin addict and a pedophile? And the answer is the damage do to society from the after-effects. I suspect that none of the above are addicted to an external substance. I believe they are all caught up in their own endorphin system. How each individual got there in a historical context but once the mechanism is in place, it must be dealt with directly. Chances are that the beliefs that have brought addicts to addiction have long since morphed and matured. Having an understanding of what brought any of us to addiction does not seem to diminish its power.I do not believe a pedophile is addicted to sex with children just as I do not believe a compulsive gambler is addicted to money. Both have contracts with their endocrinal system that was signed long ago. That contract must be broken.Dr. David Sinclair is on to something about extinction. My heart goes out to the poor kid that says he cannot quit thinking about kids in sexual terms. He will probably end up in prison and later a registered sex offender. He may hurt others and actually create others like himself. It does not have to be. Extinction is not only possible but happening. I am living proof. My compulsion to drink alcohol has been extinguished. I had it easy. The worst I could have done could be a few DUI’s, maybe kill someone on the road, ruin a few marriages and run for office. That kid is living in a horror I can’t allow myself to think of. But he doesn’t need to. Some of us are walking are walking out of the back door of hell and all are free to follow. The biggest problem - - Dec 16th 2008
The biggest problem with trying to get help as a sex-offender of any sort, but especially a pedophile, is that, like someone else mentioned, almost anyone you tell about your problem will likely report you to the police. Now if you havent acted out yet then the police can't charge you but you might just be able to get help while escaping the label. However, most people who want help have already acted out with a child and thats why they are trying to get help, because they failed on their own. If your like me and you have already been arrested, charged, and convicted (or adjudicated if you were a minor like me) then your going to get sent back to jail if you tell anyone you have been having compulsive urges. And that is exactly what they are. For me at least, my pedophilia is very much like OCD, I get the urge to touch some child, and no matter how disgusting it makes me feel, every time I see that child I get aroused. I don't want to have sex with a child, and haven't since I got arrested back in 2001. But that doesnt stop me from having the physical/sexual urge to do just that. Maybe if there was some group i could go to, like AA or NA, then I would feel safer, but right now ever night I worry that the next time I won't be able to stop myself by myself.... The worst feeling in the world - Zach - Aug 25th 2008
is that of being attracted to children. I'm 18 years old, and I can't remember when the "wheel", as you so aptly put it, started turning for me. I can, however, testify to the fact that it is truly terrifying to be on it. I think many of those, like myself, that started feeling these attractions early in life convinced themselves at first that the feelings were not as horrific as they actually are (mainly owing to the fact that we were young enough to be the victims of "real" pedophiles - that is, obese 70-year-old toothless men; a member of the clergy, perhaps, or the middle-school math department). However, as the years passed and we left our youth behind us, the objects of our desire remained far too young to excuse. We realized that, just maybe, we were one of these "monsters". Every single day is a struggle for a teenage pedophile. We are forced to deal with the problems that every "normal" teenager faces, in addition to waging an infinite internal war inside the space of our own heads - often alone; afraid to seek help from anyone. This post is the first time I have ever admitted my condition to anyone, as I know that all of my friends and family would be too stunned if they discovered how well and truly f*cked up I am. I couldn't bring myself to reveal it to them, so instead, I pray, and I fight every day to suppress my awful feelings. It's actually incredibly surprising to see that there are far more people in my situation than I had imagined, based on the replies to this article. I hope that the comments from myself and others plagued by these urges on this page serve both as hope for those afflicted with this condition, as well as a window into the life of these "monsters" that civilization has designated the armpit of society. Ultimately, everybody with a conscience and half a brain knows that molesting a child is never, ever excusable. I pray for the victims of those of you that have given in to these urges, and for the souls of those of us that have managed to suppress them. Yes, our desire is quite possibly the most difficult and taxing affliction that a teenager can possibly be subjected to. But if we make a bold attempt every day to regain control, I truly believe that we can wrangle these feelings into submission. The desires will still be there, lurking in our minds, but we must never, ever give in. Observing children is not okay. Fantasizing about children is not okay. And acting upon these impulses is the worst thing you can possibly do, turning you from a deeply troubled person into the monster that society deems you to be. Feel free to email me with questions, concerns, etc. Also, I encourage anybody suffering from this condition to send an email - God knows I could use someone to talk to about it and I think you do too. Peace, Zach (breakneckbrand00@mail.com) Child hurts child hurts child - Lonely - Aug 6th 2008
I am 17 years old and I have had these sick thoughts and desires since I was myself a child. When I was 9 I had many friends my own age and I had sexual expieriences with them. I have no doubt that I initiated each encouter. Should I have been locked up or killed or castrated at 9 years old? Sometimes I think I shoud have been. I still am sexualy attracted to young children and I hate myself for being this way. Whenever there is a news report about a pedophile my own mother (who as no idea about me) says 'another sick fucker hurting kids. The bastards should be given the death sentence or thown into prison forever'. I a m teriffied to tell her. One of my best friends also said 'there is no punishment that can stop a evil bastard like that' (she is also unaware of who I am). I do agree that hurting kids like that is wrong and there is n exuse but what am I to do I have nobody to turn to for help. In school my religion teacher (who everyone tures to for advise) had this to say ' if ever there was a truely evil person that person is a pedophile'. I dont want sympathey I dont expect it. I just want help. The one thing I fear more than being caught, is giving in to my desires. Do we stop pedophilia by burning the pedophiles or by giving us a chance to get help from somebody who wont spit on s at first glance. I feel nothing but sypathy for a victim of child abuse but we must not forget that the children who are abused can sometimes due to mental trauma become pedophiles themselves. At what point is it alright to stop feeling sorry for these children and start killing them as pedophiles? Only partial solutions? - Time for Change - Jul 13th 2008
You are definitely right in labelling this societal issue as a complex one. I am not going to pretend to be some psychological expert, but this is an issue that has concerned me for some time now and it seems like we are not directly treating the problem. We are merely placing stricter consequences on it. First of all this article appears to be limiting this issue to pedophile priests, but I think we need to first realize that this is a society wide problem. Priesthood is not the only group of authority figures in which a small number of its members have engaged in such a grotesque act. Unfortunately it has been witnessed in the schools by principals and teachers, daycare providers, political figures, and just as unimaginable: legal and psychiatric counselors. It would not be fair if I were to limit this discussion to priests to not discuss the spiritual aspects of this issue (I do believe a major aspect of this issue to be the result of spirtual warfare [ie. Ephesians 6:11] at the risk of sounding crazy to the secular audience) but I am extending my reply to include the topic of all predators and the vulnerability that our society is presently under. In the past century, it cannot be denied that we have placed a higher importance on sex. It's on television, radio, billboards, bumper stickers, t-shirts, and I haven't even begun to address the raunchy, out of control state of the internet. It seems completely impossible to repress the syndication of this ideal that "Sex is So Important" today. Politicians are doing very little to regulate this deceptive and morally fatal idea. Just a few months ago a senator was caught soliciting sex in a public restroom. Homosexuals are demanding equal rights as heterosexuals, such as teaching roles and the right to marry. At the same time, our divorce rate is at an all-time high (higher than 50 %). Even the way children dress today is shocking, and they are acting out sexually at much younger ages. We were shocked to hear on the news about several fifth graders engaging in a group sex act while in the classroom! I am only illustrating this point to show how kids respond to this unavoidable sexual propaganda. I am going to stop here to mention that before you think that I am trying to in any way condone sexual deviancy I most definitely AM NOT. However, if all of this propaganda can lead to promiscuity, does it not in turn compromise moral value? We have companies like viacom, who through their networkss VH1 and MTV are praised for teaching safe sex to our children, but they also have a dating show on television with group bisexual orgies, and all without a vchip rating! Then we have all of those commercials selling a drug that treat the symptoms of STDs. And we still don't have a cure for cancer, but I can't go five commercials without seeing an ad for natural male enhancement or a cure for ED. What kind of message are we selling? Need I go on? (Jerry Springer, "40 Year Old Virgin", Girls Gone Wild, Swingtown - CBS, Greek - ABC family, etc,etc) As a child grows up in the world it is only natural to draw the conclusion that they are not normal unless the opposite sex is attracted to them. Their biggest fear would inevitably be to be alone, or single. Who is sending the message that "Its ok to wait until you're married." or "It's OK if you don't have a girlfriend now." But Dr. Marty Klein, PhD has the audacity to say, "There is NO evidence that seeing naked breasts or couples having sex is bad for kids; there's even less evidence that seeing pictures of such things is bad for kids." Sounds like a pretty blind statement to me. Even if he were right (do we really have to wonder?), how much evidence IS there to INDICATE what a positive mesage does. Our attempts to send positive messages are hindered by all of the negative messages in the media. So if this Dr. is right about anything, its that we shouldn't panic. But this isn't going to go away by turning a blind eye to it. Most of us don't need evidence to know right and wrong. For pedophiles though, maybe it isn't that easy. I do feel that there needs to be severe consequences for preying upon the innocence of children, and I also believe that it is good for parents to have as many resources as possible to aid them in the protection of their children. It is also important to research this affliction more and more to help us come up with better ways of protecting our children and stopping that horrible mentality. But why as a society do we go so far and do so much to protect the environment that fosters, encourages, harbours and promotes sexual deviancy? Isn't this part of protecting our children as well? Isn't this necessary to bring to an end the ideology that allows sexual predators' perversion to thrive? What is so wrong with cleaning up the perversion in the media, or making it less accessible to children (or even adults that dont want to see it for that matter). Why should I have to purchase special software to block certain sites (none of them work), or to block certain television programs (not all networks are cooperating). It is to the point now that it is breaching our constitutional rights....but people are so afraid of censorship (that not what I am proposing!) that they would rather let indecency permeate our culture and our homes! If we really want this problem to go away, we need to focus upon not only the present, but also the future. Lets make the battle easier for generations to come. I am open to any suggestions or comments at timeforchange2008@gmail.com - - Jun 13th 2008
At times in our life we have had, for example, inappropriate short-term thoughts about vengeance upon people who have wronged us, we have not acted on these thoughts and desires because most of us intrinsically know that fantasy is completely different from reality. So the majority of people that have inappropriate thoughts about physical relationships with minors do not act out their fantasies because their sense of ethics and acceptable conduct overules their daydream desires. However, if an individual confesses to a mental health worker that they wish to rid themselves of such thoughts the Counselor is legally obliged to report the client to the authorities who will view them as kidnapping baby-rapers even though they are normal members of society in every other respect and have never acted out and only wish to be cured of their unsolicited desires. So the troubled individual has no way of approaching a solution to their problem. The Media which sensationalises pedophilia to the salivating public is as morally bankrupt by using the unhappy experiences of children to sell newspapers. not a victim but still struggle - nick - May 12th 2008
I am 18 yrs old and have never been sexually molested by anyone. I am bi-sexual however my first sexual was at 7 me and my friend gave each other oral (I started it). Growing up I moved a lot and also had a lot of friends that I would do oral with it was until about 10 or 11 that I was fucked with my permission by my brothers friend who was like 17. Since about the age of 16 I have realized that I have a strong desire for young boys rangeing from the age of 7 to about 15. I have only done something with a boy once and that's because he actually started it with me first and I did not know how to fight the urge! (Only oral was done) I pray to god all the time that I wish I wasn't like this and I pray that there was a way for me to get help about this!!! So please if anyone has any thoughts or remarks about this feel free to comment or even email me at nickdarley@hotmail.com I am begging for help and your view point on this!!! A desease, a crime or both? - - Mar 11th 2008
A few days ago I was watching something on discovery health. Mystery desease , wierd diagnosis or something like that. Any way this particular story was about a young boy who kept getting sick and the doctors did not know why. To make a long story short, his mother was poisoning him. Suddenly the doctors became as concerned about the mother as they were about the child. I expected to see the police on the scene any minute. To my shock they were not called, however. The mother was put into treatment for her disorder, munchousin byproxy (not sure how to spell it). The doctor commented: "It is not a crime to be sick". Very interesting, expecially when it would seem that she committed a crime. Then I began to think of the stuggles I have had for many years with pedophilia and how it took 20 years of these feelings and some limited (relative to what it could have been) acting out before I was able to share these struggles with someone else (My Wife). First of all I agree that the woman with munchousen byproxy in the discovery health program is sick and in need of help. I also think she committed a crime. Dr. Dombeck, in my experience I have experienced this wheel in regards to this particular sexual disfunction (sin). Over the years, with much prayer,confession, heart rending times of pouring myself out to God and my wife, self analysing, studying and antidepressant medication I have come (am coming) to a point of manageability and I see resolution in the future. This is only by the grace of God and his provision. I hate this part of me. I have come to beleive that this is a disease. The thing that saddens me is that a mother who poisons her own children is seen as "sick" but a person who sexually acts out with a child is a monster and a criminal. Let me be clear in my beleif that under no circumstances is it right to sexually act out with a child and that it is, rightfully a crime. Isn't purposfully poisining a child a crime as well? Why is it that the person with munchousen byproxy (again bad spelling) "sick" and the pedophile is a monster and a criminal. Lets face it, some people with pedophilia want no help and will go to any lengths including murder to rape and molest children, while others experience the wheel as you described, experience self loathing and guilt and want help and are willing to get it. But we know the rest of the story. In order to get professional help you must submit to a destruction of yours and your family's life. Maybe munchousen has a higher treatment success rate that pedophilia, which I have read otherwise. But even if that were true would an aids patient be scorned and destoyed for seeking treatement over a patient who has bronchitis. I do agree with a previous writer who mentioned history concerning what use to be acceptable behavior in this realm is now not acceptable. Again, this behavior is wrong. But at what point did we decide to abandon taking responsibility for what we, as a society have alowed in the past as acceptable, to now condeming and branding people for life with no hope of help or redemption. I am not suggesting that people should not pay for this crime. However, the "get them", "kill them", "punish them" attitude only drives this behavior deeper into our society. This condition, whether you choose to call it an illness or not will be passed through the sons and daughters, even when punished and even if we decided to get tougher and punish the decendants we would wipe ourselves out. I know that's going a little far. But when are we going to do something to begin healing this in our society. Only then will it begin to be manageable. Tougher laws are not solving the problem and it is only getting worse. We have seen in our environment that when we throw away trash it only comes back on us, either by the stink in our nose, by toxic waste in our water or unused land. However, we have been learning as a society if we recycle we are much better off. Nothing ever really goes away. We need to learn to live by this principle. I don't pretent to have a legal answer, I'm not sure there is one. I only know that my relationship with God keeps me going in the right direction. He is healing this and He will finish his work. Once A Daughter Of A Pedophile Now A Wife of one - - Mar 11th 2008
I thank that there sould be help for people who deal with this. Its not right to there family that they can't get help for there love one, and that if family could get help that there would be less offenders and children could be safe and feel safe to asked for help for there familys. Growing up my dad wanted help but knew what they would do to him so he didn't go get help, we worked as a family to learn to forgive and help each other heal and make sure that this things didn't happen again. You can be married to a pedophile, not even know it my husband struggle everyday to not be on the wheel you talk about. My children and I try to help him not go on that wheel because we will not allow it to happen. My husband wants help but has know where to get it, because people have harding there hearts. They thank that throughing this people in jail will solve it, but it won't pretty soon there won't be enough room to jail this guys. If people want to protect children they must allow this men to seek help. My husband is a loving father and husband and would die for his children, some of our children are growing up now and live on there own and when they need advice on thing that are going on in there life they call and ask for his advice they trust him and know that he loves them. There are so many familys that need help but can't seek it because they don't want there family torning apart by a law that supose to protect family. By the way my husband is a minister and he live for the Lord, he love's the Lord, and has brought his children up to love the Lord. So many minister struggle with this kind of problem and would love to get help for it. Who is going to step up to the plate and do something about this. The system is just as quilty as a men that falls to this because the system has stop them from getting help. I feel like God has brought me and my husband together for a purpose and we will fight this fight together with the Lord Our God. wow - Someone with a problem - Feb 13th 2008
While I'm only fifteen years old, I think I may grow up to be a pedofile. I have a strong arousl of younger girls, I've been sexually attracted to girls as young as 9. I'm disgusted by this, and I pray I'll grow out of it, but It bothers me a lot, I'm scared I'll be someone who is sick. I don't think I'd ever sexually assult someone, but this feeling really bothers me... weird - - Jan 4th 2008
you r gonna give us nightmares people cut this sight out married to a pedophile - - Oct 25th 2007
I would just like everyone to know that I am married to a man that molested my daughtor.we have been together 17 yrs. after I found out I left him. while we were seperated he still supported myself and my children. We went through every avenue we could try to get him help. I was shocked to find the only way he could become part of any of these help groups was to be arrested and covicted and only then would they accept him. So in order to get him help my children would have to suffer without his child support,this is insane! I am an alcoholic and when i got sober i found so much help it was available every where and i didnt have to go to jail to get it.I hurt my family , did many things in blackoutsw that i cant remember,i just dont understand how we can forgive murder and such and society will give so many other im moral people help but not a molester.we keep searching for help meanwhile we have bought every bookabout pedophiles, he has told every family member what he had done. I wish there were more professionals who shared your opinion. lost in our in human society Nice article - Jim Bob - Aug 7th 2007
Hay Doc, thanks for the article it is very informitive on the cycles of addiction and there relation to peadophillia as such. A way in which I had never thought about it. Still with the other comment posted a few spaces down about where to get help etc.. I agree with that person in the sense that there is no where to go for those who have feelings towards children in that sense. I myself am in no way attracted to children on a sexual level (just wanted to maje that clear) but I do feel some sympathy for those who are and have no where to go apart from suicide or jail. After all peadophillia is only illegial in our time. In the middle ages for example it was not uncommon for a man of 30 to marry a girl of 12 and for her to have her first child by the time she was 13 and a half. Nor was it considered wrong in those days, yet today we put the restrictions on sociaty because those who act on their feelings towards children are not as common as those who do not have those feelings. In some ways you could say that society has acted a bit like the nazi's in a way and decided to make a rule that covers all people of a purticular sexual orrintation and kill them when and if they are discorved. Isin't that what they did to the Jew's? Isin't that what we did to homosexuals in the 40's and 50's? You know in ancient rome when the soldiers used to go out to battle it was very commen to have what they called bum boys with them. That is young boys aged from about 10 to 16 who were used by the soldiers for sex, to help moreal and because there were no women allowed on the battle field. No one considered the romans to be peadophillies, yet they did what they did. Perhaps we should reclassify the romans as a society of devils rather than hold them up in a romantic view of past glory. Perhaps we should also do the same for our own ancestors living in the middle agaes. Hell maybe even my great grandfather who married his wife when she was only 13 and he was 18 because he got her pregnent should also be crucified. Hell if they haden't have gotten married I wouldn't be here. And so how much do we really know about our own ancestors and what they did, and how can we crucify those today who have these feelings that not so long ago in our society were not only considered normal but actually fully sanctioned. I guess the bottom line is, is that we have become afraid of ourselves, and as you do when you are afriad of something, you try to kill it. After all thats what we did to Jesus, the Jews, the Isralies, the Iraquians, the Croates, the Veitnamese, the Japanese, the Greeks, and so on and so on....
stand in my shoes - Where is help really? - Aug 2nd 2007
It is easy to judge and just say "kill them"...until you discover two relatives which you love dearly ...one is the abuser (and was abused as a 4 year old...also had brain damage at birth which affected his social skills and created a very obsessive compulsive persona) and the other is the victim. You can't seek help...because there is none...too many people have a "hands off" attitude or "kill them" attitude. So you pray and hope and don't sleep. You certainly don't speak about it . Many of the comments I have just read on this site just confirms there is no help for my loved ones and therefore...guess what ....there is no protection for your loved ones. You want them dead...not helped....so who is going to ask for help that does not exist? I want to die - pete - Jul 5th 2007
where can you get help?? I've never acted on these thoughts, because I know they are wrong. But even if its just a thought or fantasy, it still makes you horribly guilt ridden and makes you lose your mind. I think this behavior is terribly wrong, and the fantasy to be insane, but it is still there. If anyone knows how to stop this thought pattern, or can tell me where to get help, without putting me away or castrating me, I am desperate!!!!! I would kill myself if it wouldn't hurt my family, or if it wasn't a sin. I have a feeling though, that instead of getting a useful comment, or one that leads me to help before it goes too far, that I'll get hateful spiteful comments that rebuke me. by the way, I was molested 4 times thru my childhood, so don't say I don't know the damage done. I AM the damage done, I AM what happens when you molest a child! Thats why I want to die. - pete A 13 years old I met a pedophiles, he abuses sexually abuse am hand-capped son, now 30! - Dawn Goff - Jun 10th 2007
I live in Canada and it seems they let a man sexual abuse kids for years and don't stop them. I am affraid I married this man that my mother reported to the police, they wait until your drunk and the night if your 14 birthday they take you to a cold beach and sex with you after they bought you gifts and your looking for a dad , as you don't have one! Well at 18 years old you married, your pregnant 17 so married this person.Well, what a big surprize it is when after your divorce in 1982 , laterin 1986, you have Heath and Community Services at your door, after, your son dirtys in YMCA pool! Then they back at your door in 1991, and doing an invesigation, saying that your Troy's dad is abusing your son! Well, I am seeing the big picture, this man should have been put in jail and I wouldn't have married him and Troy wouldn't have been abuse! How long do kids have to suffer before they put these people away?I am wondering, is Canada a haven for Pedophiles ,and why is the age of consent so low?I now believe there is alot more victims of this man and he is from a home where he had to beat up his dad to protect his mom!He told this to me when we first and he seem upset about this and he also has an alcohal problem.I have stop feeling sorry for him after he has abuse my son over and over and wouldn't stop and my Down'syndrome son hit me after these visits, now I am wonder about the damage to myself, as recent I found out my nose was broken and didn't know it and I am also finding it harder to learn in school since Sept 2006 , didn't know this! I have since have had enough and decide to go public and get a lawyer that looks like a bulldog , stop doing my own law cases as I am not a lawyer! Pedophile's lawyer waited until my lawyer went to have her baby and used my church and his family in my choir to attack Troy and I! Troy, 30 years old now!As a child a met alot of these men, sick they are the adults protect them and not the child! I say what a sick world that don't protect the child or hand-chapped person!All I can say they shouldn't be out there in the first place and free!dawnangel I am never given up until this man is put away where her can't hurt children!!!Stop the circle of child sexual abuse!! where's the help? - B - Mar 22nd 2007
So when all is said and done, whats the first step to stop being a pedo? Where do these people go whent they realize they have this problem? From what I've read so far, I'd say they have no choice but to remain silent and just try their best to hold back the urges. Asking for help might just get you killed. Family member is a pedophile priest. - Betsy - Feb 17th 2007
He was just fired for at least one incident that occurred over 20 years ago. I never liked him, but he has very little in the way of family, isn't old enough for social security, and has been denied his pension. Do I have to help him if I am in a positionto do so -- such as (hypocritically) saying he can visit here if he needs to and inviting him for family occasions? I'm so conflicted, as is his sister -- his only close relative (dead parents, no other sibs). I live closest to him geographically. What usually happens to people like him? help for pedophilia - - Dec 12th 2006
First off, I don't know the statistics but anectdotally, I'm not a peadophile although my father was
To be back on topic there needs to be an availability of help for those who are after it.
without looking i know of a drug rehabilitation clinic, 2 psychiatrists, and a corectional facility all within the city i which I live.
through research (I was considering this for personal reasons for a while) I have found only 1 clinic in a different country willing to perform a castration, an effective and safe (if done by a doctor) method of dealing with this kind of thing.
people sometimes even get rushed into hospitals with complications for having attempted a DYI surgery.
It is often seen as a cure, but why is seeking it out or adminestering it as a prevention such taboo?
Editor's Note: We are not aware of any rigorous evidence that suggests that castration is an effective cure for pedophilia in the sense that it can effectively and wholely dampen down the desire to offend against children in people who will otherwise offend. Castration has been used punitively in some cases (and it might reasonably be said that surgical alteration of one's body to please the state falls (or should fall) under the heading of "cruel and unusual punishment"). Punishments and treatments should not be confused. we must strike a balance - michael garner - Nov 23rd 2006
The recent uncovering of sexual abuse within the priesthood is a huge blow to the lay morale. Such abuse is a terrible offence against God and to humanity. These priests must be answerable to the just laws that protect society, especially children. The institutional church does everything in its power to protect children. The events of the past would suggest that just as society did not know what to do with an abuser several years ago, so it was with the church. When dealing with abuse, there was a tendency to try and quick-fix things and cover them over. The new procedures and screening of our church make sure that this cannot happen again. Here in Leeds UK diocese, there are strict guidelines for those who come into ministry. Priests and lay employees must undergo thorough screening in order to serve the diocese. If someone is suspected of abuse then that person is immediately withdrawn for evaluation while adequate investigation takes place. Having said that we must remember that the priests who do these things are a minority and most priests are normal sexually (either gay or straight but normal) so let us pray for all priests who give up their lives to the church and let us pray for all who are prisoners to their desires that God will help them at all times and forgive them (Which of course He does) Mike another thought - mike - Nov 19th 2006
perhaps what we all despise so much is the arrogant paedophile (priest or not a priest) who thinks he is right to to do these things and who does not care about the effects on others.
The weak willed offender who is filled with remorse is one thing. The arrogant offender who is just plain evil is another. Both need to be stopped, of course, but there is a distinction.
Mike No Excuse - David - Nov 17th 2006
A Christian Brother molested me when I was nine. I confronted him many years later & at first he denied it. The worse part about my abuse was that my molester told me to go to confession - like it was my fault. The abuse nearly destroyed me & it is only through the grace of God that I'm still alive. After my confrontation with him he said that I was the only one (which I don’t believe) & that he too went to confession. After initially feeling quite angry, I felt quite sad. He is a sad man & he left the order, a short time after the abuse. Years later he married an ex – nun, which I found quite amusing There is NO EXCUSE for molesting children, there might be reasons!! The BOTTOM LINE is that the clergy abuse children because they feel in control & to satisfy their perverted sexual fantasies. good - michael garner - Nov 17th 2006
I was wondering about why priests should do these vile things and why God doesn't give them the grace to resist the temptation or, better still, perform a miracle and rid the offending priests of their desire to do such a thing. I wonder about the whole idea of 'holy' in the same way as the person who felt that 'evil' as a concept should be allowed to die out because it doesnt define anything.
Holiness and goodness must be much easier for the person who is not tempted to do bad things. I think goodness and holiness can exist in people and one can see it in good muslims and jews and christians and atheists etc etc..(ie drop all the labels!) A palpable goodness which radiates from these people whether they be the cleaner who does his or her job faithfully day in day out for forty years or the clerics of various faiths who radiate goodness and kindness. Anyway I was wondering about why priests could do these things and my browser qustion was "are priests happy or sad" so technically my question had nothing to do with paedophile priests per se but the question still brouhgt me to this great attempt by Mark Dombeck to get to the crux of the matter of why??????
Mike Most pedophiles are NOT victims themselves - Dr. John Lawler - Sep 8th 2006
Alcoholism is a horrendous disease, largely genetic in nature. Reduced levels or absences of the enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase is at the root. The only cure is abstinence from drinking.
Most pedophiles are NOT victims themselves. The Buruea of Justice Statistics (doc. # 202/307-0784) cites that 22% of pedophiles reported having been sexually abused themselves during childhood. My experience with a pedophile priest - - Jun 18th 2006
Your article was interesting to me as my daughter was indecently assaulted on Xmas Day (2005) by our parish priest. This incident happened in front of me! Now we both face giving evidence in court against this "priest", who by the way, another senior paish priest attempted to cover for. I have very little sympathy for those men in positions of power who abuse the young and vunerale. Break the Chain - Ed - Jan 26th 2006
I also believe that all pedophiles were molested themselves at a young age. As they grow older, they are attracted to the same age group as they were when it happened to them. I lost a brother to suicide when it was discovered he molested two young boys. In counseling it came out that he was inappropriately
touched by a neighbor. I've also been reunited with a priest who some time ago confessed to molesting boys. He was also molested at a young age by a relative on several occasions. There is a pattern here. The chain has to be broken. Through much prayer and counseling, the boys my brother had contact with years ago have no memory nor ill affects as a result of their encounter. Praise God.
Thanks for a clear and precise explanation... - R - Nov 6th 2002
Dr. Dombeck, you have done a wonderful job of putting into words my exact feelings about this subject.I also feel that this applies to any sexual deviants.I feel that these things are most often learned behaviors. I believe that these predators were also victims.As young children, when they were in that time of innocense where they depended on their parents and those they trusted to teach them about the world they were misled by someone who made them believe that this behavior was "normal" or acceptable.It is said that most abusers were themselves abused.While I absolutely don't accept this behavior or condone it in any way,I do feel that there are reasons why it happens and the best way to prevention is to stop it before it ever happens.It is, without question, mandatory for parents to closely watch their children and keep them out of situations where they may be exposed to sexual deviance.I believe that there should be ways that people could report such things as incest or pedophelia without the risk of destroying families or relationship.I'm not even going to attempt to solve that issue! Easy labels - Rick - Nov 6th 2002
It is so easy for people to say pedophiles are sinful, evil, monsters, and should be locked up. Condemning pedophiles for their action hasn't solved the problem so far, so continuing condemning won't solve it in the future. But you had the courage to investigate it further in hopes of finding solutions that would stop pedophiles before they abuse a child. It is a ashame that people will acuse you of 'helping' the pedophile, when in reality, you are doing more to help the children who are victims or potential victims by helping the pedophile.
Accurate description - Rod - Nov 5th 2002
Your description of the cycle of a pedophile is very accurate. I can speak from experience. I don't expect all readers will believe this, but I would give anything to not have the attraction to young children I have. The compulsion to "act out" is so strong it blocks out all compassion for others, and that enables the pedophile to do something he hates. I have been in treatment for over 6 years. It helps. But it is still a daily struggle I have to fight. If at all possible, "Hate the sin, love the sinner". I am a person who has committed a sexual offense, not a sex offender. The Bottom Line - - Nov 4th 2002
The victims suffer. When they become grownups they continue suffering. Yet so little is being done to support them. By comparison the perpetrators get all this attention. Why would they do it? What are their rights if accused? How should the Church handle them? I wish as much energy would go into helping the victims recover. Educating parents on how to protect thier kids. Creating a society that has morals and the courage of its convictions enough to expose and restrain all such perpretrators.
Listen, everybody craves something. That does not explain their behavior. This whole discussion is just more rationalization. The bottom line is they did not control their actions and their actions have horrible consequences that never end. No matter why they did it or what they were thinking, that is the reality. It is that reality that we have not yet dealt with. Progress with pedophiles - mk - Nov 4th 2002
I belive that the identification and treatment of pedophiles is impeded by several important factors. First, there is scant study and information in professional journals about the development of the conscience and its relationship to complusions of any kind.
Second, it seems to me that clinicians fail to recognize that a conscience is on a continuum as opposed to a fixed state or place-except possibly in the case of sex addicts, pedophile or no.
Third, clinicians themselves have a vested interest in recognizing or restoring "humanity" in those persons treated for pedophilia. This may result in early termination, clinical denial or other transferences. Determining whether a pedophile is sinful, evil, a monster or monstrous is and forver will be-in the eye of the beholder. Naming them anything has not changed our inability to determmine what to do about them with any consistency. Consistency does appear to be a prerequisite toward change. WoW...These responses are overwelming! - - Oct 31st 2002
First of all, I'm not a pedophile, or a victim! Which means my opinion is only that, and what these people are doing to children is sick! And I think that for some sick reason these beasts get some sick enjoyment off of doing this otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. Wether they need help or not I truly think that that's just an excuse to not be killed, but they should be locked up for ever! If they truly knew God, or their proffession they wouldn't be doing this, because just the thought is sinfull! These people need help, and we can all help them into prison!!! Thoughts does not excuse the behavior - - Oct 29th 2002
I find my therapist irresistable and I don't have to act inappropriately. To excuse a behavior on the basis of the overwhelming urge to do something is ridiculous. I also suffer from OCD and have the overwhelming urge to put my hamster in the microwave but I don't do it because first I love him and secondly because I know it to be wrong. Councelling for those who want help - Newbury - Oct 18th 2002
As stated, many paedophiles want help, but what help is available? A governmental or social services drive is needed to encourage people with these unmanagable impulses to seek help. If you go to your local doctor's surgery there are leaflets encouraging you to get help for any number of conditions, for example alcoholism. But where in the general media are helplines or councelling advertised for sex offenders? If paedophiles are willing to get help, then we MUST provide the funding and services to enable them to get that help. An opinion - Marissa - Oct 17th 2002
I think that just because someone is a priest does not mean automatically mean that he is a good moral man. The majority of priests I'm sure are men wishing to do God's work. However there are people with psychopathic tendencies scattered all throughout societies holding and seeking positions of power.It's these psychopathic people that continue to abuse others because they can get away with it whoever they abuse, in whatever form it takes and in every profession.
I have no sympathy for that
In this case the pedophile is just a weak person who chooses to do this to children and who is misusing his power. These people know what they are doing and obviously don't care if it's right or wrong...they are anti social and self centered and also people so pathetic that due to various factors a child is an easy target for these perverts looking for a sexual release..they are more concerned about getting this release than who or what they engage in this activity with..that is I am sure they may also turn to animal intercourse if the opportunity arose off course they act ashamed when they are caught...there good image is gone..they are ashamed because they know they shouldn't do it and others will outcast them.
These people need to be locked up in jail for life. - Maggie - Oct 13th 2002
Having worked,actively, with Help, Inc. and sat in on some group therapy sessions with pedophiles. Every one of them wanted to stop and couldn't. The long-term damage they do to children can't be overlooked. However, many of them said, "I want to know why I do it and what can be done to make me stop." Evil - Brian - Oct 12th 2002
I think that the word evil should be totally removed from the working English language as it is totally undefinable and is generally used as a shortcut to thinking. 60ish years ago, inter-racial relationships were evil, 100ish years ago, homosexuality was evil, in parts of the world and within certain cultures, a woman who shows her entire face to male's from outside her family is evil.
Evil is far too difficult to quantify for it to be of any use. People do BAD things, but evil is something that belongs in arcane religious texts and novels.
Pedophile Priests - Ralph Bach - Oct 12th 2002
You are absolutely correct, these men are sick, but the underlying cause is not "mental illness", but the malady that affects every human being...SIN.
God hates it, especially when someone who has an authority position, uses his influence to exercise control over another, and when it's a child, who respects the adult, it's much more offensive. Bravo - dpg - Oct 10th 2002
Bravo Audrene. We do indeed need to take a more positive action in order to prevent offences in the first place. Spanning a fifty year sexual addiction I have interfered with eight children, the last twelve years ago and am to be charged by police. The wheel effect in the article is a very good description of the cycle effect but in my case also applied to all my daily auto-erotic activities involving various behaviours. Twenty years ago distraught and terrified after one of the child offences I attempted to get help from a counselor but did not succeed and worse did not generate any follow on by the organisation. For our 32 yr marriage my wife never knew and to her I was a gentle and considerate lover. Life for me and my family of three beautiful children (now adults) is now unravelling. Something has to be done to provide a chanel for poeple such as myself if society really wishes to seriously decrease these offences. We need to do more than separate Pedophiles - audrene - Oct 8th 2002
I think along with separating the Pedophile's from the children their needs to be continuous mental health treatment available to them, at no cost. Once that is done a safety net needs to be butin place where at anytime the desire reoccurs the Pedophile's can seek assistance before acting on the desires without being fearful of repercussion. I enjoyed you article. I think we need to focus on the underlying problem as opposed to a temporary solution. dumn - THEODORE J. SCHOTT - Oct 6th 2002
Whomever wrote the 'monstrous
v./monster' article about pedophile
priests is NUTS!
I was raped at age eight by a
WONDERFUL priest & pastor.
No one would ever believe that this
wonderful man would do such a thing!
Much less belong to a clan & network
of pedophile priests/religious/church
members whom liked CHILDREN.
Many victims who happen to be
primarily males have
commited suicide by guns, poison,
alcohol, drugs, freezing to death
living on the street because
they lost all faith and
trust in mankind.
Who are you people to dare even utter
your silly 'professional insight' into
something you haven't even come
close to even beginning to imagine.
PHOOEY! I say.
These things are monsters
who deserve killing. What you've seen
is only a VERY SMALL tip of the
proverbial ice-berg.
Open your PROFESSIONAL EYES and smell
the paint dry...
THEODORE Montrous But Not Monsters - Wolf - Oct 6th 2002
Dr. Dombeck,
You have my respect for tackling such a hot topic as this. I also tend to think the priests in question are simply disturbed human beings who did monstrous things.
I think a good/evil, good guy/bad guy, constructive/destructive polarity is a necessary thing for a society. The fact that most people will strive to be on the good side of the polarity is what holds the fabric of society together. The alternative is chaos.
But I also think this polarity is a very human one, in both society and in our own hearts. We have to be careful not to disenfranchise these individuals from humanity, no matter how terrible the offense. To do that would be carrying the polarity to an extreme and creating an atmosphere in which projection is almost irresistable. A witchhunt mentality could then follow. Dehumanization is not a good idea, in my opinion, though the crime was horrible. Let the law do its job, but keep the whole thing human. Our actions define us - Ron Houssaye - Oct 6th 2002
I appreciate Dr. Dombeck's chosen perspective to see the pedophile priests as human, "all to human." Even Dr. Hannibal Lecter, the famed fictional and movie character, is human, and not entirely evil. Humans do evil things, and it shocks us when those who do are supposed to be good, like priests and psychiatrists. Our actions define us. God help us. priests - - Oct 4th 2002
i got on this site by accident and this had never crossed my mind. im never going to church again. ie pedophilia and alcoholism - Diane - Oct 1st 2002
I argue greatly that alcoholism does not hurt anyone if they do not drive. My experiences w/ alcoholism is that the drinker can do almost a grievious harm to family members when in a binge drinking state. My husband would have anger problems when dry but drunk they took on monstrous proportions when drunk he said and did things that were probably initiated by his lack of inhibitions while drunk and I also think some of the domestic abuse situations are instigated by substance abuse. He would not say or do the things he did when drunk. There were times when I saw him drunk that I knew he was working out a flash back to his own parents behavior when drinking and fighting. He at times became his father and mistook me for his mother and reacted to me the way his father had in his youth. What he said and did in his drinking bouts although I understood to be a product of his memories, my kids did not understand, nor should they ever really have to. I did not know that other person that alcoholism made him and did not trust his judgement at all with due reasons.I wish those that never grew up with alcholism could find some kind of way to if not learn about it alleast to find empathy for those that have been through it. Driving drunk is what my husband did to others living drunk is what he did to us.
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D Responds:
'Excellent point and one that I did not consider (but should have). I stand corrected.' | 
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D. is Director of Mental Help Net (a public service of CenterSite.Net - a provider of website and internet services and educational content to employee assistance and behavioral health organizations), and a licensed Psychologist in the state of Ohio (License #5698).