Resources  email page print page Basic Information The Nature of Suicide The Nature of SuicideDefining SuicideSuicide: A Reactive ActionSuicide StatisticsOther Factors Contributing To Suicide RiskSuicide TriggersSuicide Triggers ContinuedTying it All Together: Why Does Someone Become Suicidal?Becoming Suicidal: Biological ContributionsBecoming Suicidal: Sociocultural ContributionsSuicide Prevention and Societal MeasuresWebsites Coping with Suicidality Coping with SuicidalityHow did you get to this suicidal place?Why does suicide seem like a solution to your problem(s)?How do you know your level of suicide risk?Suicide Warning SignsSuicide: What do you do now?Suicide: What will happen to you when you ask for help?Outpatient Suicide Treatment-Finding A PsychotherapistThe Initial Suicide Treatment InterviewJeremy's StoryFollow-up Suicide Therapy VisitsSuicide: Other things you can do to help keep yourself safeSuicide and Self Harm Resources Helping A Friend or Family Member who is Suicidal Helping A Friend or Family Member who is SuicidalUnderstanding Suicidal CrisesWhy Do People Become Suicidal and What Can I do to Help?How can I judge the level of suicide risk?What are other suicide warning signs?What happens when a suicidal person asks for help?How do we find a therapist for suicide outpatient treatment?What else can I do to help a suicidal family member or friend?How do I handle my own reactions following a suicide or a suicide attempt? More Information In Harms Way: Suicide in AmericaPost Combat Suicide Rate RisingSuicide IntroductionSuicide Warning SignsSuicide WebsitesWise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with Thomas Joiner, Ph.D. on Why People Commit Suicide Latest News New National Suicide Statistics at a Glance Early Psychiatric Issues May Predict Suicide in BoysPost-Traumatic Stress Tied to Increased Suicide Risk in Young Adults Questions and Answers In A Bad SituationWhen Psychotherapy Does Not HelpDepression TreatmentTherapist rights to contact EmployerDoes a therapist have to report me as suicidal if I tell her I self injure? OCD Will I Ever? Self-Injury / Self-Harm: How do I stop cutting myself?Psych major wants to get her life back after being raped and attempting suicideA Friend in Need Blog Entries Post Combat Suicide Rate RisingAn Interview with Barent Walsh, Ph.D. on the Nature and Treatment of Self-InjuryAn Interview with Thomas Joiner, Ph.D. on Why People Commit SuicideSuicide, Self Injury and Hospitalization: Can your therapist have you hospitalized?Suicide: Does a Person Have the Right to Take His Own Life?Suspended From College For Expressing Suicidal Ideation (a reaction to an NPR radio story)Suicide Among White Middle Class Increases"Guns and Suicide" article and Comments: What about the anger?Army suicide rate is climbing rapidlyWorld Suicide Prevention Day... September 10, 2008A Suicide Barrier for the Golden Gate BridgeBullying and Suicidal Ideation Linked Among ChildrenThe Tragic Suicide of 1st Sgt. Jeff McKinneyFDA now requires suicide assessment of new drugs prior to approvalMore Ho Ho Ho Than Sorrow?Suicide on the Rise Among Middle-Aged AmericansRevised Suicide contentAging, Depression and SuicideWomen Who Receive Breast Implants More Likely to Commit SuicideWhat to Do In a Mental Health EmergencyGuns and SuicideTeenagers and Suicide: What to Look forEating Disorders, Self Mutilation and Unexpressed Emotions: A Deadly Relationship Videos Teen Suicide: Too Young To DiePreparing for CrisisWhy Suicide Rates Are Higher than Homocide Rates Links [4] Associations[3] Community[2] Government[37] Information[1] CEUs[2] Training[3] Research[3] Self-Help[3] Videos[1] Personal Experiences Book Reviews AliveAutopsy of a Suicidal MindBloodlettingBoy InterruptedComprehending SuicideCrossesDuplicityEight Stories UpFatal AttachmentsHeavier than HeavenHer HusbandHistory of SuicideHow I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill MeLeaving YouLife InterruptedLike the Red PandaMaking Sense of SuicideNight Falls FastNo Right TurnOne in ThirteenSilent GriefSuicideSylviaSylvia PlathSylvia Plath ReadsThe Clinical Science of Suicide PreventionThirteen Reasons WhyUnholy Ghost

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Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. Dr. Schwartz's Weblog

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The Harvard School of Mental Health just published the results of a study that examined the relationship between household firearms ownership and the rate of suicide. According to the study suicide among people 45 years of age and younger suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in the United States. Among the 50 states in the United States, those with higher rates of household gun ownership had higher rates of suicide among children, women and men.

It is important to understand, according to the study, that the higher rates of suicide among those who own guns has to do with the fact that guns are much more lethal than other methods of attempting suicide. What is troubling about this is that suicide attempts are viewed as a desperate call for help among those who are depressed or mentally ill with a psychotic illness. The rate of successful suicide completions is far less for people who use other methods than using a gun. For example, 75% of all suicide attempts are by the use of drugs. These people are found alive 97% of the time. Those who succeed in using drugs to attempt suicide are successful only 3% of the time. By contrast, more than 90% of all suicide attempts by use of firearms are successful. The bottom line is that anyone using a gun to commit suicide is not likely to have their call for help heard and responded to before its too late.

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A large number of those who commit suicide by gun shot are adolescents. Teenagers tend to be more emotional, depressed, anxious and impulsive than most adult members of society. When you add to that the fact that teens abuse alcohol and drugs, adding to their depression and emotionality, the availability of a gun makes them extremely vulnerable to a successful suicide attempt.

The study concludes that either those who own guns lock them away with bullets stored separately from the weapon or that guns be barred from the home. The study emphatically states that people are less likely to die when guns are not available.

What is troubling for me as a mental health professional is that guns are so easily available to children and teens at a time when the rates of mental illness and drug and alcohol abuse are increasing. Suicide rates are increasing at an alarming rate among those between 15 and 24 years of age. The rates of suicide attempts are much higher than those that are completed which becomes even more alarming because of what it says about the state of desperation so many young people are in.

In my opinion, simply making guns less available is not the complete answer to the problem of suicide because it eliminates a method and not the cause of such despair that leads the young to attempt such an awful act.

In future logs and essays we will discuss the adolescent stage of life with the aim of getting a better understanding of who they are and what pressures they are subject to in today's world.

What are your opinions and experiences? Your input is not only welcome but is encouraged.

Readers in the Boulder, Colorado metro area (or Denver area people willing to drive) may contact Dr. Schwartz for face-to-face consultation and psychotherapy. Email him at dransphd@aol.com for details.

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Thank you!

need references - Eddie - Oct 31st 2009

There are some interesting stats going on here.  I'd love to see the references for them.

How discrimination takes place - RGrannus - Oct 11th 2009

I have a relative in NJ who was being treated for depression by his own psychiatrist.  He went to a local clinic where a peer support group meets.  The woman who ran the clinic convinced him to go to a local hospial's "crisis clinic", implying he would get more intensive help there (even though he told her he didn't have medical insurance).  Instead they committed him because he had thoughts of suicide, which are commonplace in depression (in fact among the diagnostic criteria).  And they stuck him with the bill for about $20,000!  Like that kind of debt is really going to make him less prone to suidice!

What's more, his name is now in the record as having been "committed" to a mental ward.  Sure, your medical records are supposed to be private--The kicker is that you have to give permission for them to be searched in a lot of areas.  This guy used to do some skeet shooting, for example.  Now he can't touch a gun unless he gets a special "certification" from a doctor--and how many will do that; they want to "cover their ass" like most people.  As someone mentioned, the law tends to lump depression, eating disorders, and every other mental illness with homicidal maniacs.   For all  this talk about not stigmatizing the mentally ill, I see no evidence of it happening; in fact just the opposite.

All this will do is discourage the mentally ill from seeking the help they need, which is already a major problem.

Discriminaztion against the mentally ill - BOBG - Oct 10th 2009

What bothers me is that statistics like this, as well as anecdotes like the Virginia shooting, are used to discriminate against the rights and privacy of the mentally ill.  Medical records should be strictly private, but you have to give permission for yours to be examined and get special permission from a doctor to buy a gun, for example.  I suspect it will not be long before that's true for other things.  But as we all know, the mentally ill are no more dangerous than anyone else.

You have to go thru it to know how desperate we can be - Sandy - Oct 8th 2009

I have been hospitalized 5 times in three months.  I fight with myself every single day trying to stay alive.  My friends have my knives - they've thrown out my razors (I already chopped up my arms pretting good with them).  The Police took my gun - If I had it in my hands today I would use it.   My family can't be bothered with me - not my kids - no one.    what is the point of fighing the urge!   I have dissociative Identify disorder, major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder - it will take months and months of psychotherapy to help me with this.   In the mean time I have 4 lawsuits agains me by my own family.  I have to sell my house.  They've pulled my grandbabies from me.  They are the only thing that made me want to work towards getting better.  My quality of life stinks.  It's not worth being alive just because someone says that is what I have to do.

When does it all end - Michael - Oct 3rd 2009

I guess my big question is when does this all end?  Looking back on my life I have been dealing with depression since I was 14 years old.  I moved from Indiana to North Carolina between 8th grade and my freshman year of highschool.  I was always an outsider at that school and I never fit in with any of the groups.  College started well, but in a quest for friends and struggling to be on my own, I flunked out.  I think there were many screams for help, but they went unnoticed.  My dad came to the rescue and allowed me to move home and finish up school and I did.  Through all of this my parents, nor I, acknowledged I had some sort of problem.  I jumped into a dead end managerial position as I felt I needed to be on my own - my parents rescued me when I was in trouble before and I didn't want to be more of a burden.  Besides, the job paid pretty well for my first "real" job.  I was young and single and moved off to Atlanta on my own.  Alone in a new city and always lonely.  I never really knew how to make friends and i still didn't.  After several raises and going through the motions every day, the store that I worked in closed and I opted to transfer to Montgomery, AL .  I didn't have the courage to try something new.  THe thought of being unemployed and having to go back to my parents was a sign of failure to me and so I took the transfer.  During these years alone I always prayed for God to send me the woman of my dreams.  My first day in Alabama I was introduced to the woman who would become my wife only a year later.  Then came our first son.  The most wonderful thing to happen to me.  I had committments now and was too scared to make a career change although I was completely miserable in my job.  I wanted to be the best provider for my wife and son.  Well, after purchasing a home, running up large amounts of debt, and going through bankruptcy, I found myself still stuck in a miserable job and the financial problems led me to always worry about money.  In 2003 I had a breakdown.  My wife and doctors told me that I had pneumonia (I did have physical symptoms, but a year later I found out that they kept me in the hospital for depression and anxiety).  In 2004 I again had a breakdown and had to go into the psychiatric hospital for a week because of suicidal thoughts and inability to function.  They wanted to keep me in the hospital longer, but I wanted out because no one would answer my questions or concerns about the financial aspects of the hospitalization and I didn't want to be in anymore debt.  They wanted to put me in an out patient program, but once again, no one would answer any of my questions about the financial aspects.  We had purchased a new home after the bankruptcy and I did not want the problems at the beginning of the marriage to occur again.  So I stayed out of work on medical leave for 3 months.  I looked for a new job every day.  At the very end of my leave I had an offer for a job that I really thought was going to make a difference.  It would have required a small cut in pay, but my wife assured me we could handle it.  Between the job offer, acceptance, and giving a two week notice to my old job, we found out that another baby was on the way.  I had a vasectomy 2 years prior and we were happy with one.  Needless to say, I turned down the new job because with another baby on the way there was no way to take a cut in pay at this time.  Here I was, back in the same old job where I was miserable.  The second baby was born.  Another one of the few happy moments in my life.  After his birth, my wife was fired from her job.  Through the marriage she had gotten fired from 2 jobs and demoted from another.  I was always supportive of her through those times, but I think I resent her for it.  Eventually she got another job, but I was still stuck in mine.  In 2006, she convinced me to go back to school.  I did, I had always wanted to be a teacher.  She promised to support me through my school.  It was going to be a very difficult time because I would maintain a 50 hour per week job while maintaining a full time schedule in my master's program.  I started in January 2007 and after only 3 weeks into the program, she took all of my things to her mother's basement and changed the locks on our home.  In my struggle to handle the balance school and work at the beginning, she abandoned me.  6 weeks later she let me come home.  Things went ok until the summer.  She wanted to have hard wood floors put into our living room.  The day the people came to put them in, we both had to go to work.  I left our dog in the back yard so that he would not tear up the inside of the house being locked in a room while the men worrked.  He died that day and she blamed me for his death.  After taking the summer off from school, I started back in the fall.  At that time, while still working full time and going to school full time, she started getting baby sitters during the week so that she could go out to bars.  In December I noticed she was using an email address again that she hadn't used in years.  I knew the password to it and one day, out of curiousity, I went onto it.  I discovered that she had been having affairs since I started back to school in the fall.  She was always in a bad mood and we always argued.  Finding out that information explained a lot. After the first of the year in 2008, she broke it off.  However, her drinking and going to bars didn't stop.  She then met another guy and began having another affair that was local.  The other had been sporadic encounters out of town.  Now she was cheating with someone local.  After finding the numbers on caller ID and seeing that she communicated with him on that email, I confronted her with it.  She announced she was filing for a divorce.  I begged her to go to counseling and told her I would drop out of school and whatever was necessary.  She did not budge on anything.  She told me to stay in school since I was doing so well in school.  I am really surprised that I didn't have a heart attack or stroke in 2008 dealing with the work, school, divorce, moving, and becoming a divorced parent with only visitation.  Somehow I managed to get through, but I feel like I was letting everyone down all the time.  January of 2009 came and after 14 years at my previous job, I was able to quit to complete a full time teaching internship.  I cashed in my 401K money to pay the bills during most of 2009.  I graduated, another happy moment.  I spent the summer with my children which was nice except for the fact that I had no money to do anything with them and we stayed in my apartment with the exception of a trip to my parents house.  I also had to spend the summer searching for a job as a teacher.  I really wanted a position in the county that I lived in and turned down a good job in a neighboring county that I received early on.  Well, the job in my own county didn't happen and I ended up settling on a position that I am not meant for.  I am teaching 5th grade in an inner city school.  I had my sights set on teaching2nd or 3rd grade, but I had to settle for this one.  I have felt like a failure and behind every day since I was hired one week before school started.  My days are spent from 5 in the morning til 9 at night getting ready for work and working.  I have no time to spend with my kids even when they are with me because I am constantly trying to get caught up with work.  I feel like a failure and everything that I went through with school was a waste of time.  I have thoughts every day about driving my car into a truck or something of the sort.  If I had a gun around I think I would have used it long before now.  I still go to church, I guess deep down I wish there was a God who might make things better, but I always ask myself how realistic that is seeing as though I have had so much negative for so long.  Is this some kind of cruel joke?  Why would a God do this to someone?  Needless to say, I just wish it would all be over.  I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.  I wish I would be run over by a car and killed.  I wish something bad would happen and kill me.  I seem to have a better chance of having bad things happen to me than hoping things could change for the better. 

Suicide is a real option. - No one important. - Aug 27th 2009

it is easy for those of you who have not felt what it is like to experience this to say that we can "get over it", "buck up" or as my oh-so- compassionate ex-girlfriend liked to say while she was kicking the hell out of my heart, "grow up!"

I have thought about suicide every single day now for the last several years.  I have always, always had major bouts of depression but there was a time when I could get past them and feel better for a while.  Twenty-two years ago my girlfriend who I loved beyond description left me to have an affair with her married boss.  That broke me. It sent me spiraling down into another place and I have not been able to come up.  

I have never been popular, everyone thought I was weird growing up. I am of mixed race heritage and have always been pigeon holed because of that as well. (Hey, I can't help the skin I was born in and I sure as hell didn't ask to be this color.)  I suspect that this is also a reason that my old love left me as she is Egyptian-American and they, along with just about every other ethnic group hate people of African descent. (No, despite being part of Africa Egyptians do not consider themselves African in any sense and hate blacks in general.) Even though we looked alike and were the same coloring she still probably considered me inferior.  This was not helped by the fact that her white best friend told me I was nothing but a bed buddy for her, this despite her telling me she loved me.  

All of this has simply added to the feelings I have about myself being absolutely worthless.  I have failed at everything I have tried to do in life despite giving it my all. I am presently jobless and living back home with my mom, in debt and frustrated to no end. I watch people half my age that I got started in my chosen field pass me by and do well and then stop taking my calls. I am greatly resentful of that as this field relies on connections.  I have been bankrupted twice in twelve years and that has hampered my attempts at getting a job-any job.  I wake up angry and I go to bed in a white hot rage every single day.  

I gave away my gun and God, do I wish I had it now. I am exhausted and cannot get any help!  I was in therapy but when I lost my last job there went the medical benefits and in the city is closing all the free clinics. It is all I can do not to jump in front of a train or stab myself with a large knife.  The major reason I have not is to spare my mom.  She could not take it and I don't want to hurt her.

 I feel lost all the time and no longer believe in God. I think if a God exists he has the personality of a mean spirited 14 year old that bullies children and tortures small animals for fun. I can't believe in a supreme being that allows all the horrible things that mankind does to itself.  He just sits on high with a magnifying glass in the sun and burns us ants on the little hill laughing at us. 

I believe now that we don't have much longer to go as a species anyhow. We have exhausted the planet and are overpopulating it to destruction.  I have no children and have no plans for them anymore. I only want to hear my former love tell me she is sorry for hurting me.  I don't need to know the details of why she left (though I think of that all day, every day) I only need her to know that I feel incredible pain due to her loss in my life. That I feel my life would be totally different if she had been in it, as unrealistic as some of you might think that is. I simply want her to say "I am sorry I hurt you". but everyone tell me I would only push her farther away from me.  (She was lead to believe that I was a real monster by her lover/boss (who is white by the way) after I threatened to tell his wife he was having an affair with her. He lied and told her I threatened his family. ) She eventually married someone else years later and made a lot of money so she is happy.   

I can't stand myself anymore and even have trouble looking in the mirror. I feel horrible hatred for the man I see as having destroyed my relationship and anger towards my former. I still think of her every hour of every day and that is no exaggeration.   I am so angry and frustrated and contrary to what you might hear, there is no help! I cannot go to the hospital, I have no money! I cannot get treatment! I don't know what to do!   I was supposed to do well in life. I had talent and a high I.Q. and was supposed to make it. instead I can't even make a living for myself. What can I do? Someone please let me know. 

Yes, I wish I had a gun right now. Believe me I would put it to it's best use. 

Editor's Note: I do not agree that suicide is your best option, but I do recognize, as will many who read your comment, that you are in very deep and persistant emotional pain, a good deal of which you seem to relate to protracted grief over the loss of your long-ago girlfriend, and to a pervasive sense of failure and victimization (at the hands of prejudice, etc.).  My hope is that you can and will find a therapy situation that will work for you, and that you will take advantage of the various online support community offerings out there: ours, mental earth's and those available at psychcentral.com and healthyplace.com included.

Oh yeah...suicide - Alexx - Jun 18th 2009

Well I think all of you need to wake up.  You think your the only ones in pain?  Just about everyone who lives in our modern civilized world and isnt rich or famous is depressed.  Its sad but true.  We toil our lives away for nothing and we get the crap end of everything.  Then you have your own personal things...maybe you are lonely, and feel like you will always be that way.  Maybe you just feel ugly or worthless or your tired and worn and sick of never going anywhere.  Maybe you know you will never achieve your dreams and your destined to live an unremarkable life. Maybe you just cant find interest in anything at all...everything seems hopeless.  Maybe you have expirienced a terrible tragedy and/or lost someone you loved.  Maybe you feel like there is nothing more you can accomplish in life and your at your bitter end. 

But guess what?  That little voice in the back of your head that makes you reconsider while you got your finger on the trigger, that feeling, is built into your natural genetic coding, into the coding of every living thing on the planet.  Your instincts tell you that you should stay away from danger to preserve your life and this is not something I can deny.  Its EVERYTHING that I am, my instinct to not die is so strong that I cannot overcome it...its always there no matter what I do, even if I tell myself that I MUST die.

Theres a bird somewhere living in a home built of twigs (I imagine most of your homes are much better than that?) that just had her only three chics taken and killed by a hawk before her very eyes, her nest... destroyed.  Now she is all alone in the world.....you think this bird is going to attempt suicide now?  Get depressed and wait for the hawk to come back and get her? Nope.  She is going to get started collecting twigs to build a new nest and do the best with what she has because thats what her instincts tell her she should do, and animals dont dare deny their instincts.  We shouldnt either.  Too bad human instincts are all diluted by society, media, politics, economy, and the way we live in general. 

I imagine myself being born into a world where humans still live naked in the wild.  I think I would be happier in that world.  There would be no time for depression we would be pre-occupied with tracking down our next meal.  Then we could see what our animal instincts are really made of. God I would love it!  I feel like we have become wastful, lazy beings that only consume and act like we are somehow on a higher level than the rest of the animal kingdom.  In my opinion our model for how we should live should be animals in the wild.  They are wiser and I think lead much more enjoyable existances than we ever will in our "civilized" world.  We are the only species that will even consider suicide, and that tells us something is fundamentally wrong with the way we live.

To anyone who thinks a gunshot to the head is the best way to go.  Sure if you put a shotgun to the roof of your mouth and fire you will empty out your brain cavity and die 100%.  There is no 3% chance of suriviving that one, you will be dead with a 0% chance of survival.  Thing is a bullet or a wad of buckshot traveling at mach 2 through your head is going to hurt worse than any pain you could possibly fathome, even if it is only for a split second.  The anatomy behind it says it will hurt, hurt like hell.  So your last moment will be an utterly miserable expirience.  Take your finger and stab the side of your head pretty hard with it...now imagine that pain intensified times 1000.  If you shoot yourself in the temple you will most likely die but not instantly.  You will probably live for 1-5 minutes while you bleed out and die and who knows what that expirience would be like....it could seem like an eternity to you. 

And remember there is no coming back.  I am not a religious person.  But I cannot rule out the possibility of a higher being, or an afterlife.  There is just too much we dont understand about our universe.  In the scope of the universe we are but a microscopic spec in a vast dark void.  Maybe there is a hell?  And maybe suicide is the express lane to hell?  Who knows?  I know it sounds absurd but could you imagine shooting yourself and winding up with an eternity of misery?  No thanks ill follow my intincts instead, which I always do when I am thinking of suicide. Of course I dont know maybe you just fade from existance, a complete loss of conciousness in which case you are permanetly ending your own existance.  Thats what science says will happen. Maybe things aint so great here but its better than the unkown I say.  Our instincts tell us that death will not be pleasent, in fact it is the single worst thing that can befall upon us from that standpoint.  Follow your instincts people and if you do decide to commit suicide dont be so fast to silence that voice in your head. It's WHAT you are on the deepest level! 

broken heart - Deborah - May 25th 2009

The gun was in the closet...had it always been in the closet with one set of shells just above it?  I can't remember...all I remember is trying to take the large hunting rifle away from the love of my life,  He was so angry and in a state of pure anxiety he shoved me out of the room..."Im' leaving!" said a demon I had never seen before.  A demon at a the darkest hour before dawn...but had the gun not been there I could have saved him.  He died on my shift, under my care, on my love.  Everything can be fixed...if there is a will there is a way...if not why push death...it is only an instant away in God time...we'll be gone soon.  Let the tides roll, but I guess my loves mind was too busy worrying about everything and he was sad about life.  It was his choice...he had thought about it before that night...that night was the last straw...I hate guns, but you can do it anyway you want it.

I miss him...I feel at fault, I did not save him...his grief has been shifted to me...I now hold the demon and he will not let me go at the darkest hour before dawn, but I will have to live it out...because I am on a journey here...that will continue on the other side...there is no end...just a circle.

The real shame is ... - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - Apr 27th 2009

Dear Guest,

While I understand that you mean well, I cannot agree with you and on many points that you make. Mental illness is an illness and has nothing to do with values. Rather, it is a malfunctioning within the brain and within the nerve cells of the brain. Medical science is continuing to advance ways to end depression by correcting what goes wrong among the 10 billion nerve cells comprising the brain. We already have medications that relieve suffering from depression and are learning aabout new techniques to help those who do not respond to medicine. In addition, there is Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy that works well with mood disorders.The problem does not have to do with giving the right to suicide but with getting people to the help they need. Statistics reveal the horrifying fact that, even today. the vast number of people suffering from depression and other mental disorders are still not getting any help. The real shame is that too many of these people commit suicide because of not getting that help.

Dr. Schwartz

pistol - - Apr 27th 2009

my friends son knows a young man who tried to use a shotgun to blow his head off. Only to partially blow part of his jaw and face off and survived. Now he has a fighting will to live every day. maybe a high powered pistol would work the best. But what if you screw up and live like a vegetable the rest of your life in a nursing home. where you sit in your own urine and stools. Is it worth it? If only the Lord would take you when you've had too much emotional suffering. i've lived through 2 life threatening illness's and the Lord keeps me alive. I'm now disabled and can't work. my income sux and theres nothing I can do about it. A daughter I lived for and raised doesn't want to live by me anymore because I limit her time with her posessive boyfriend.  It sux. I'm hurt inside so much. My physical pain is nothing compared to having my heart ripped out. What is this life. Alot of pain for me.

suicide - guest - Apr 26th 2009

I think it would be more compassionate to allow people who wish to commit suicide the freedom to control their own lives. People who try to prevent others from commiting suicide are inflicting their own values, morality and religious beliefs on suffering depressed adults and this is cruel in my opinion. Like it or not, there are people who suffer more than you can understand, and would like to end it. "Do gooders" lacking honest empathy choose to stand in the way of suicidal people, denying them their human right to control their body and life.Why force people to live by YOUR values? True compassion would be to set up a program to screen out people with temporary depression, that would allow those with chronic long term depression to chose to end their suffering in a dignified, comfortable, supportive setting.

Suicide - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - Apr 18th 2009

Dear Tony

You state that suicide is not wrong. I am going to write an article about this issue and what you have gone through. I understand that you are looking for anti depressant medication and that Doctors have not returned your phone calls. However, medication was of limited help for you in the past. The answer is never only medicine. You need to be in psychotherapy in order to learn how to think more clearly and how to get more pleasure out of your life. If you are going to use Jesus as an example then please, get your religious facts straight. He did not commit suicide. In addition, the religious teaching is that he suffered so that others would not. Chritianity and all the other main religions view suicide as a sin. You are depressed and not thinking clearly. I want to stronly advise you to get emergency help for you self immediately so that you do not hurt your self. You can call 911 or the suicide prevention hotline or go your local hospital emergency room and ask for help.

Dr. Schwartz

It is not wrong... - Tony - Apr 18th 2009

I believe that suicide should be legalized.  People who want to end their life should be able to do so with help from a professional.  It doesn't have to be a doctor.  I think of suicide every day. My main reason is depression.  I will probably kill myself when I think the time is right.  I am single and don't have kids by choice.  I do not want them to have my bad genes.  My mother is in a nursing home, if she could see herself she would want to die.  The problem is that her mind is gone and she doesn't know any better.  I cannot go visit her because all I think is that I should be helping her die.  The way I see it, there are too many people in this world.  We are squizing the life out of this planet and things will only get worst.  Suicide would bring the numbers down and make life better for the people who want to live.  I am 45 years old and I have been on medication on and off for years.  The meds make me feel better but I have had to increase the dose overtime for it to work.  As far as asking for help, I have called two doctors to see if they could help me find a better medication and none have called me back.  You would think that a mental health provider would be concerned about someone calling him.  In the end of the day nobody cares if I live or die.  That is true for most people.  Everyone is replaceble and we are all going to die anyway.  What difference does it make if it is sooner than later?  For the religious people I like to tell them that Jesus comitted suicide by cross.  It is more painful than I would like but it was effective for him.  He was 33 years old. 

Despair and hopelessness. - John - Apr 9th 2009

I have wanted to end my life since I was 8 years old. I pointed a gun at my head when I was 10 years old but could not do it then.

Here I am many years later having given away most of my wealth ($250,000) and in the grips of despair. I want to die but still have not found the courage to pull the trigger. I think the real cowards are those like me - not those who do it.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of killing myself. I somehow doubt I ever will. Well, I am almost 50 years old now and if I haven't done it all this time, I somehow doubt I ever shall.

Not a coawrd's way out - - Apr 5th 2009

For some, suicide is the cowards way out. For others with severe a debilitating mental illness, it may be the only solution. If you are considering suicide, see a doctor and do everything that you can to get help. I know for myself, suicide is an option. If/when I do it, it will not be the easy way out and I'm not a coward. Mental illness is a disease of the mind, body and soul. Mental illness can mean a life of deep and profound pain with no solution. God has nothing to do with it for people like me. I'm not a coward. If people who say that we are cowards, had a hint of an inkling of a clue the depth of the pain, the perpetual pain with no end, they would not say that. Ordinary people experience pain and it passes. For people with incurable mental illness, the pain does not pass (39 years with no relief) and not for lack of trying every available solution.

Suicide - Allan N Schwartz - Mar 20th 2009

Dear Wyld1USA,

It seems fairly clear that you are experiencing Major Depression. Today, more than ever before, depression is treatable. That is important for you to know because, with treatment, you can attain vigor, optimism and the ability to enjoy your life. I want to encourage you to seek treatment as soon as possible so that you can reverse your hopelessness and be able to take in some of the wonderful things about life.

Dr. Schwartz

Do it - Wyld1USA - Mar 20th 2009

Suicide is the best answer. If I knew I could pull the trigger and be part of the 97% success rate I would. with the way my life goes I would be int eh 3% and end up in a wheel chair or disabled not even be able to try again.

I mean really, come on, life is only good for 20% of the population that have money and life success. The "pretty people". I have absolutlely nothing to look forward to or be happy about. I have never had anything other than a moment (brief) here and there of happiness. 97% of my life is just sheer loneliness and unsatisfaction. 

 Society is set up to have 80% of the population fail. I am 47 and just tired of working 10 hours a day, come home to nothing good to wake up and have it start all over. Then the weekend comes...and nothingness.

 Tell me where I need to point the gun where I will die instantly and what caliber to use and i'm gone.

To Prettygone - Allan N Schwartz - Mar 16th 2009

Hello Prettygone,

So, now you are going to commit suicide because of him? I want to remind you of an old but true saying: Success is the best revenge. Instead of dying what about living and thriving and becoming happy? You can do these things but you must get help first. I want to urge you, beg you, plead with you to call 911 Emergency and tell them that you are suicidal and you will hurt your self unless they come and help. Or, take your self to the hospital emergency room and say the same thing. Do not put on any make up but just look as you are. You will be admitted and you will start to get some real help. Do it, you deserve to get help so that you can start your life new.

Dr. Schwartz

just waiting4 nothing - prettygone - Mar 16th 2009

Hi I'm 39 and this is it for me.I was bright,attractive ambitious and successful in all Ive done,my childs suicide then a 14years of being abused and bashed..kept like an animal in the last 2years told and made to feel not only that I dont exist,but egoless and cant even walk out the door as he deliberately made me feel so unattractive and worthless........then he has an affair,even caught red handed he tells me I'm insane and imagined it...she has stalked me over years and caused me to withdraw..ruined my social and profesional integraty cause she was jeolous and he would almost help her..beating me if I said a word against her...they both have drained all my money.....hah and I helped them both never di I think anything was going on...........how could I let all this happen?I loved and trusted him.He cut me off from evryone,Ive none left...he kicks me down every second of my damm life....I gave up why bother with life he'l just take it off me...beat me scream and her support,signed my business over to them before I found out.......he wouldnt even let me have sunlight...not even walk onto the veranda...Im ashamed I cant tell someone Ive let this happen to me..........Im a shadow of who I was,in fact I have trouble remmebering who I was due to all the abuse...each day I cant get through waiting to die.............just existing their somewher cause I no longer exsist...............now I am insane,now I dont look pretty,now Im no longer bubly and bright,now Ive no money and my carer destroyed,I dont even have self respect................I dont eat,bath or drink to the point I even ignore being very dehidrated.......I feel to repulsive for some to smail at me I run away like a mad woman.........tryed to get help.....there's nothing out there like they say......inadequete help........or Im too hard and pass me on.....I havnt paid my  health insurance or stuff I should..well Ive been waiting for it to end and he'll get angry if I do cause he wants that control....Ive nowher to go..refuge maybe but hell where from there?None cares or wants to help cause Im not pretty or havnt money or something to give or bright anymore...............God 2years of being an animal.......I cant take it anymore...no life stimulation...just abuse Im warn down I give up on life...never thought Id be a looser...best I die!

Disappointmenting Life - Matt - Mar 15th 2009
Suicide is looking more and more like  a good option.  I am middle aged, my buiness went from very succesful to almost non-existent in these economic conditions.  My debts are high, I have a felony conviction for fraud from 17 years ago so getting a job from someone is next to impossible, I have lied to my wife, she says she hates me but won't divorce me yet she does not want to help out with the household expenses.  She has a fairly stable job and income.  All the debts are in my name.  She continually reminds me what a terrible person I am, just so you know I do not and have not ever hit her.  We get into arguments but not physical.  I get myself into situations where I feel I must lie to get out of them.  I've disappointed my family, my wife and myself and am so tired of struggling to make things work.  I feel I am down for the last time, it is all too overwhelming and no one really seems to care,  all my life people have said if you need help let me know, but I can't remember too many times when anyone really meant it.  I don't have a gun but I am looking at good alternatives and don't want to fail when I decide to end it and quit being a burden to my wife and myself.

Guns are a solution and a tool (Cont) - - Mar 10th 2009

Dear Editor,

You're right, my family may not be able to understand my suicide.  Discussing it with them in advance has not resulted in anything positive.  The only option is multiple individual notes to each family member stressing that it's not their fault, but mine and mine alone.

You ask if I've explored every option and alternative to suicide.  In my own way, I'm sure I have.  And yes, I've given these options pleanty of time to work.  That's the problem.  Regardless of my "options" and just "waiting" to see if things are going to change, I still return to the original plan.....a well-placed shot through the mouth.

Treatment?  I've been on antidepresants for over a year and I've stopped going to see a counselor long ago.  Neither were helpful in any way.

The problem is me and it's not solvable.  There's nothing I like about myself, what I do, or what I am.  And I'm doubtful that playing some anonymous online chat will change things either.

There just comes a time in some people's lives that you've come to the eventual conclusion that there's no sense in continuing to live.  I'm just grateful that I have easy access to guns and can't think of a more perfect solution to the problem.  Don't worry, I've already gone to great lengths to make sure I don't leave a mess behind.  By the way, thanks for the reply.

Guns are a solution and a tool - - Mar 3rd 2009

It will not be long before I shoot myself.  Just waiting for some other plans to fall in place.  I sure hope my family understands.

Editor's Note: Honestly, the great liklihood is that your family will not be able to understand or comprehend your action; will become brokenhearted at their loss of you.  Depending on how functional your family is (or dysfunctional) they may express this loss in different ways, but it is very likely that by killing yourself you will permanently wound them.  

Have you explored every option and alternative to killing yourself?  Have you given these options enough time to work?  Have you sought out treatment for depression or whatever other condition is underlying your suicidal urges?  When you are depressed, very often your coping abilities are vastly reduced and what might be a solvable problem in other circumstances appears to be unsolvable.  But the fact remains that with a little help, the problem(s) may in fact be solvable, at least to the extent that you won't need to kill yourself. 

Perhaps try talking about the issues you face in an anonymous online community such as the Mental Help Net Support Community or Mental Earth ?

sh*t - average joe R.I.P. - Mar 3rd 2009

i hate humans, we are all living (pardon my drunk spelling) hipocrits! life sucks.. no matter how much good i do, i always end up feeling like sh*t, a faliure, a waste of life. loseing my girlfriend helped me relize how much ive been faking happiness.  i have 50,000$ dollars in student loans and im such a mess ill never achive what i thought i could in the beggining. i graduated with my AA but the school screwed me in loans for what i learned and could earn.. 50,000$ HAHAHAH CMON!!! i know, i signed the papers, my mistake. i honestly believe human beings were never supposed to evolve this far. our society is way to complex and dosent reward hard workers. i raped myself for what i thought was a future, now i am working at a decent job for the shape of the economy, but still cant make ends meet. religion is proved fake by astrology, all christianity is.. is a hybrid astrological tale created by the egyptians the help personify our planet and is soloar system. if havent tried to put the pieces together with that, im sorry, youre retarted. screw it. there isnt room for all of us anyways. trillions of people have died throughout history in endless circumstances. whats the difference? guns, swords, murder, war, natural deat, accedental... god doenst care because there is no god.. im sorry to sound like an athiest. i was raised christian and now i i have felt more lied to by the church. untaxed donations hmmmmmm.. and when i asked about the dinosaurs in sunday school they said " god put them thier to test my faith" well... test this! POW!

The Law - Allan N Schwartz - Feb 26th 2009

Unless I am mistaken (I am not a lawyer) suicide is not a right and is even illegal. Partially, the illegality has to do with the fact that a suicidal act can endanger the lives of other people. For example, a gun shot can travel and hit other, innocent bystanders. Besides that, there is the obvious fact that suicide has a powerful harmful impact on other people. This includes everyone from family members and friends to the people who find the body afterwards. Lastly, is the fact that in both the Bible and the Koran, suicide is a sin.  Sorry, suicide is many things but it is not a personal right.

Dr. Schwartz

after my dog dies - - Feb 26th 2009

Suicide is a personal right and option. I'm glad to learn that the use of a gun is 90% successful and after my dog dies I will make use of this information. thank you.

To Lyric - - Feb 19th 2009

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. The depression your husband felt was too much for him. He will NOT be reliving it over and over again. He was sick. It's an illness.

Grieving Mother - Allan N Schwartz - Jan 28th 2009

You are on disability and that means that you now have Medicaire and Medicaid. There are many non profit health agencies and clinics that will take both of those as payment for psychotherapy. You do not need to buy separate health insurance since Medicare and Medicaid are you insurance. Perhaps what they mean is that your Medicare has not yet kicked in. It should soon.

I am not sure what group you are referring to unless you mean our online community. That should be very easy and I do not know what problem you are having if that is the problem.

Dr. Schwartz

what if the "Help" being offered ISN'T helping?" - Grieving Mother - Jan 28th 2009

I have no insurance since I was approved my disability  said I cant get it until May. I do go to the state mental health clinic. The ONLY one in the state, which was just in the news for a man who was court ordered to go there who killed 2 kids with a basball bat and they didnt even have an intake on him... he didnt show up for appointments, no follow up was made... this is the only place I have to go.  THe mention of the inmate.... made me feel like I too an an inmate. Prisoner to my house, afraid to go out unless I really have to, I am in constant physical pain from my back after back surgery 2 years ago.. Physical pain and the all consuming grief of my 7 year old daughter being killed, hit by a car, (the flashback never goes away... and the man at fault got nothing but a damn ticket. It's too horrible to be true, but it is. Sometimes I feel what is this life? It is just exhisting. It is not living. But i go on now only for my dogs for I have no family left.  I have done a lot of study on the afterlife and believe that even suicides go to our loved ones, crazy as you may think I am, I have had a few famous mediums agree with that. I do not fear death anymore. I welcome it. But as long as my (OUR, they were my daughters) dogs are still alive I HAVE to go on. And sometimes I just look at them as they sleep and wonder how the hell I'm going to do it.  I just wish someone would tell me how to do that when my feet feel like they have cement blocks on them. I am on antidepressants, sleeping pills, & valium. I couldnt make it through a day without them, tried and it was bad. I want someone to tell me WHEN does it happen that you feel like you can go on??? 3 years, 8 months is a long time to feel like I'm drowning.  I've read about complicated grief, P.T.S.D., clinical depression, but I've wonder... for some does it NEVER go away?  Is this as good as it gets? P.s. Dr. Schwartz, I have tried to join the group unsuccesfully, could you help me?

Sending you all suffering from despair some comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Grieving Mother. 

Risks of Failure. - Mark (MA) - Jan 9th 2009

The thing that scares me most is failure. I saw it mentioned earlier that a great risk is ending up like a vegetable. 4 years of constant deep depression is a sign.

Do the risks out-weigh the benefits?

How much longer? - Steven Greiner - Dec 21st 2008

I am fifty three with no children. I lost the job that took me fourteen years to get due to four of my five lumbar disks failing. Two surgeons said I am a poor candidate for surgery as the bad disks are stacked on top of each other.

I am in bed most every day. Simple things like taking a shower is very painful. Living high on medication is not something I enjoy. People no longer visit me as I am not normal like they are any more. I have a 38 special loaded so I have means one and two already taken care of. I have had two similar dreams where I will shoot myself in the back yard. I used to play Christian music and am unable to do that now. I understand I am depressed and prozac is not helping.

I have become a burdeon to the working class and this in itself bothers me. 

 It is good there is a place to share what this is like. I could go on and on but enough is said. Save the room for others who are ready to go.

Agreed - Allan N Schwartz - Dec 4th 2008

Agreed, guns are not the only cause of suicide, nor does the article say this. Agreed, eliminating guns (a totally impossible task anyway) will not end suicide. But, those who attempt suicide by other means are far less than 100% successful. While those who attempt suicide with guns are almost 100% successful. Tragically, too many of the successful suicides by guns are teenagers and when they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The purpose here is not to be anti gun, the purpose here is to raise awareness of an extremely dangerous situation in which kids are walking around with guns, in schoo, the streets and elsewhere. And these are good kids who are in despair because someone broke up with them, failed an exam in school, got bullied, lost a parent, etc, etc and who use drugs and alcohol. Guns must be kept out of the hands of kids. How to do it??? I do not know but I have known too many awful circumstances where High School kids took their own lives.

Dr. Schwartz

suicide & guns - - Dec 3rd 2008

As a mental health professional, but also as someone who has personally wrestled with my own suicidal thoughts during times of stress, I have my own personal and professional perspective.  I am not saying that it is right perspective.  But as a gun owner, and also as someone who has struggled with these issues, I think it is a mistake to blame suicides on guns.  I agree with the writer who expressed that guns are merely a method, albeit a very lethal means, but not the root cause of the despair that drives people to suicide.  Personally, I feel that when people get to that jumping off place, when they are committed to ending their own lives, they will kill themselves whether a gun is available or not.  Responsible gun ownership considers the safety of everyone in the household, and not leaving guns unlocked where children, including adolescents, can get their hands of them.  Then there are the very impulsive, rageful sufferers who may try suicide in a fit of rage.  The access to a firearm may be decisive in these cases, but certainly not in all cases of suicide.  I had a very dear friend who committed suicide many years ago.  He had a rifle and shotgun in the house and had a neighbor keep them for him, as he could no longer trust his judgement and was chronically suicidal.  He ended up asphyxiating himself with exhaust in his pickup truck.  While the preponderance of suicides may be committed with firearms, the correlation does not prove that they cause suicide.  Eliminating access to firearms is not going to deter people from committing suicide. 

Options - Allan N Schwartz - Dec 3rd 2008

It is my professional and personal opinion that suicide is never an option. However, I am NOT discussing those who are terminally ill and do not wish to be kept alive with electonic equipment. That is a different and comples issue that I choose not to take up at this time.

In all other circumstances, life presents alternative solutions to suicide. This is important to remember because feeling extremely depressed and suicidal is a mental state that passes, even if it takes a while to pass, at least for some people. Even those who are wrongly imprisoned, and there have been unfortunate cases like that, sucide is not an option. Among those cases are people whose innocence was discovered years later and were released. Those are people who welcomed their release and went on to live their lives.

Choose life, not death.

Dr. Schwartz

is suicide sometimes an option? - jury - Dec 3rd 2008

Here is a question for anyone, thinking about death.  I am included in this but have not reached those 3 phases although I have thought about it and its on the back burner. Just like anything else I like to understand the pros and cons to it.  Does the reality of the situation out weigh the reasons or vice versa.  For instance, say a person is terminally ill and can't have any quality of life, they suffer every day with no way to get better and their lives are full of pain. Is their a justification for suicide here or people think it isnm't morally right in the eyes of god or the law?  These questions are prevalent in every situation.  Here is another one, say a individual is to be sentenced for 15 years in jail for something they didn't do and they know they are innocent.  In this situation this person is charged with the death of a loved one, but didn't kill the person and didn't have any control of the situation.  they however do know that they would rather be dead then be stuck in jail living for the better part of their life in a 6 by 6 cell with a bunch of criminals that are nothing like themselves.  Is this person wrong for not having a reason to live?  I personally believe that if thier is no quality of life and only suffering then what is the point of living!  Where is the rational thinking involving death?  People are always saying NO, to the idea of suicide.  But aren't their certain situations that can at least merit some people to agree with the idea that ending suffering isn't always bad.  and is some situations actually a positive thing to end suffering.  I have always heard people say that life is worth saving, but the quality part is always never mentioned.  The hypocratical oath doesn't have quality of life in it, it just says that everything possible must be done to try and save the life.  I don't agree with this if a person doesn't have quality of life.  For instance the individual in the prison situation doesn't have any quality his age is 30 and his mother and father will probably be dead when he gets out, his loved one died and he lived not by his cause, when he gets out he will be old with no job a criminal record, His skills will not be up to par in society and he will have to pay back the state for being in prison along with 100,000 dollars in loans and fines that weren't paid previously.  this person will spend the next 10 years of their life trying to pay the bills and make ends meet.  He will have no chance for a family, wife or kids, if he is to work a dog to try and survive.  I don't call this living, I call it a waste of life and death the best choice if this person chooses to do so.  ultimately death is up to the person and if they want to do it, with a legitimate reason than just like john lennon said, "Let it be".. 

take me away - dead man - Nov 22nd 2008

im scArred for life and i will never forget some things. a shotgun is the only solution.

Editor's Note: There are other, non-lethal solutions.  Suicide should always be considered only as a last resort.  Please seek help for your pain.  

Suicidal Thoughts - Allan N Schwartz - Nov 14th 2008

Dear Grieving Mother and Mark,

I would like to invite each of you to join our Mental Health Online Support Community . There, you can write all you want and will find other people in the same or similar circumstances as your own. There are many forums and you just choose the one best for you. There is no cost but the emotional support you will get is very rewarding.

Grieving Mom, I am please that writing here is helping you. I am one of the professionals directly involved in the Support Community and really think this could help you a lot. There, you and I could continue to talk and you will here from other people as well. What is better is that some of these are people who have been or are in the same or similar circumstances.

Come aboard, I will be looking for both of you. Mom, it will really help.

Allan Schwartz, PhD

Opportunity and Impulse - Mark - Nov 14th 2008

I agree that people who think about suicide (we all know who we are) should avoid tempting themselves with the means.  I think there are several stages to suicide:  thinking about it, obtaining the means, and then using them.  It's easier for an impulse to take you through all three if the means are already at hand.

I find myself throwing up any barrier I can find that might prevent me from going from stage one to stage two, because I fear that stage three would be all too easy.  But for all I know, I might be kidding myself.  I've been on bridges and parking garages, and I'm still here.

I think I'm just confused about why.

Dr Schwartz from Grievieng Mom - - Nov 14th 2008

Dear Dr. Schwartz,

Again, Thank you very much for replying to me. I know all of what you say makes logical sense. The thing is there is nothing logical in the way of my thinking anymore. Nothing makes sense. Life makes no sense to me anymore. Maybe if I tell you a little more, you can better understand me. I had a terrible mother and swore I would be nothing like her. Thank God I lived up to that with my daughter. I told her every single day how much I loved her. Everyday I hugged her, kissed her, she knew she was loved. You mentioned that out children, if they were meant to grow up, will leave us at some time. We often talked about how she wanted to grow up and be a mom but she would still live with me, with her husband and children. We would never be apart. I even started my own cleaning business so I wouldnt make the same mistakes I did with my oldest daughter, working too much and having her spend so much time in the care of others. This way, we would alwyas be together when she wasnt in school. And she loved it. She would brag about how she was my little helper. People tell me I Ideaolized her. That's not true. She was perfect. Started kindergarten one year early, skipped first grade and was always on the honor roll. SHe could have been anything she put her mind to. She had the world at her beckoning. My life revolved around her..., class mom, tap and ballet and jazz since she was 3, school choir, cheerleading. I wanted nothing bu to be with her. I never even dated her whole life. There was no where I wanted to be with but with her. She truly was the most kindhearted sweetest person I ever knew. And I am so angry. Angry that a boy who was careless killed her and got no punishment. When it happened I even moved to another country because I knew I was capable of killing him and she wouldnt want to see me in prison. When i heard he murdered his girlfriend and was locked up, I came back to the states. I try to tell myself to be storng so I can speak at the trial. What I'm saying is that, without her, life is COMPLETLEY empty. Other than my dog, no one really cares from day to day. The first thing i said when I set foot out of the hospital that night was, "pepper, I need Pepper." (our dog I got for her the day she was born.) Pepper has not left my side since and I am very depressed lately seeing her aging and slowing down and wondering how the hell I'm to make it without her. Non-dog people wouldnt get that. But when I have panic attacks, which is mostly daily, she will sense it before they come on and come to me, lay her arm on my chest, hold me down and kiss me nonstop until I come down from it. I am 5'9" and was 142 when my daughter was killed. I went down to 98 pounds, trying to starve myself, thinking sooner or later I would die. It has done nothing but brought me to the hospital numerous times. Finally a Dr listened to me and sent me for a pscyc. eval where they declared me SMI and set me up with the only mental helath clinic in the state. THey are useless. My psychiatrist who is from India told me that God chooses the mothers of children who die to test their strength. I looked at her and told her, "well we can agree to disagree and tell God he wins, I give up." The only reason I deal with them is to get my meds. I am on paxil, valium and ambien. after many differnent tries of various meds. Without them I would be gone already. I am just so tired of the daily struggle. I look in the mirror and I dont recognize myself. WHen you have no family to speak of, why? Why go on??? It is I who am suffering and I am so tired. 3 and a hlaf years of nothing but pain and sorrow. When do I start to feel better??? I dont think ever. Not until I am with her again. I have become agoraphobic, I dont see people for months at a time, I cant handle being outside, the sirens, the traffic, I have to be on valium if I have to leave the house. I havent driven since it happened. (well, once I did and it was all bad, I had to pull over and I was shaking uncontrollably) Not because I'm afraid of killing myself in an accident, but because it brings it all back and I'm afraid I would kill someone else. I know it's irrational. But thats how it is now. I am content to be alone in the house with the dogs. No one understand like they do.  I am very sorry for rambling on, but it does help to talk to someone who is listening. Thank you.

Grief - Allan N Schwartz - Nov 13th 2008

Dear Grieving Mother,

Of course you are correct when you say that there is no loss like that of a child. And, you keep wishing you had done things differently so that she would be alive today. Maybe, maybe not, we cannot know. What I know is that, when you feel a little better, you could start taking your therapy dog to hospitals and nursing homes to comfort others who are suffering. Yes, that would be a reason to keep going and it is a way to dedicate your life to doing good things in the name of your daughter. We cannot take back what has happened. What we can do is find new ways of making our lives meaningful. We have to because, even under the best of cicumstances, our children grow up (if they are meant to) and leave us, anyway. I am horrified by your friend who supports your idea of suicide. I never will and I never can. Life is too precious and that includes your life. There are so many things you could do to help others and do them as a way of keeping the name of your child alive.

Dr. Schwartz

Dr Schwartz & Lyric - grieving mother - Nov 13th 2008

Thank you both for writing to me. I do realize that the people who do still care about me would hurt. But as my sister in law said (after watching me wither away and give up since my daughter was killed... she said, I would feel sad, but I would feel that finally you wouldnt be in pain anymore, that you would be in peace. The fact that I have no real family who supports me or even talks to me anymore, (there was a rift in the family because my daughter was bi-racial) makes it hard. I know I have a few dear friends who love me and worry about me, but in the end, they have thier own lives, and day to day I am alone. I am not in a position (mentally or finacially) to adopt another child. I was declared SMI by the state and am on meds to make it through another day. The meds do help level me out, but still there is that despair and feeling like this life is empty and oh so lonely. My daughter was everything to me. My life revolved around her, and without her I do not know who I am anymore. I know it breaks her heart to see me suffering so, to see me drinking (which I never did her whole life) to see me depressed and crying and it breaks my heart, but also at the same time, I know she gets it. A short time before she was killed as we were going to bed and I told her how much I love her and I said, "If anything ever happened to you, Mommy would crumble up and die." She said, "I know Mommy." It was as though I had some psychic premontion something horrible was going to happen and I had no clue what. One day, she looked up to the sky and said, "Look Mommy, that's heaven." And then there is the guilt. I can never forgive myself for telling her to go outside and play with her friends just because I was tired from working a long day. I can not bear the flashbacks of seeing her in that state she was in when she was hit, I can not block the sounds of the impact, the screeching of the tires , the screams of people, out of my head. All I want is to be with her. It is such a struggle to make it through another day. I wake up and say *^%$ another day and when I go to bed I beg God to take me to her in my sleep and tell myself I'm one day close to being with her. I never knew such pain was possible. They say as time goes on it gets better, but I find the opposite, its gets worse... too much time has passed since we were together. I have never loved another human being as much as I loved her. My dog (now a certified therapy dog) is all I have to keep me going. I think of getting another dog, but then that would make me HAVE to keep going and I just dont want to, I just want this pain to end. I believe in the afterlife, I've have readings with mediums who have even been able to tell me HOW she passed and that she says she misses me and the dogs. I know she is still with me, though I cant see her. But we werent meant to be apart. I did read when Bad things happen to good people shortly after she passed, but honestly cant recall it as I was still in the shock state when I read it, so I will re-read it. My friends keep telling me i have a purpose here yet to fulfill, but in my eyes there is no greater purpose than to be her mother, to be with her, to be a complete family again (though I was a single Mom) I do have another child, 21 now who wont even talk to me, she treated Aliya horribly (a 10 year age difference between them ) and I know she feels horrible for the way she acted and is self destructing herself. I have tried over and over to reach out to her and now dont even have her phone number and she wont return my emails and its been since Feb since we last talked. So really, what is the purpose but to suffer daily? I need my angel, she needs me. I am so afraid. Thank you both for writing to me. I wouldnt wish the loss of a child on anyone, I dont think there is any greater loss in the world. It's just too much.

To Grieving Mother and Lyric - Allan N Schwartz - Nov 11th 2008

Dear Grieving Mother and Lyric,

Grieving Mother, I hope you read what Lyric has written about her losses and what she want through to reach her more optimistic conclusion about life being worth living.

No, most of us do not know what it is to lose a child and, even more, an only child. There is no question about the unimaginable grief you suffer. Your dog is a source of some relief. However, to take your life when this pet dies is not a solution. For example, when this pet dies, there are other dogs who need you. Even if you go to the pound and rescue one dog, you will be saving a life and giving your life more meaning.

There is a wonderful book that I want to recommend that you read: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." The idea is to move on with your life, if for no other reason than to honor her memory. You can adopt a child. If you do not want to, you can foster a child, or you can volunteer and help in the public schools, the childrens's section of the public library.

In the end, it is important to think in terms of "what can I give, especially to honor the memory of my child?"

Suicide is not the solution

Dr. Schwartz.

PS: I will write an article about this. Look for it.

Wow... - Lyric - Nov 11th 2008

So, to make this short and simple, my husband of 5 years committed suicide when I was 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child...I thought my world was over...I woke up every morning trying to reason with what he had done...I would look at my son and get pissed off because he was a spitting image...It just wasn't fair...It eventually turned into severe depression for me...Depressed to the point where everything I looked at turned into an object of what I could use to kill myself with...I didn't understand why I had two boys with no Daddy...So, in a very low place I thought that they would be better off without me too...It was a selfish thought now looking back...I tried to Shove a box cutter in my juggler vein and although I have a nasty scar from it Im still living...It made me realize that what I was doing was stupid...It would have been a PERMENATE SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM....Sort of like it was for my husband...I think that everyone should know that they are worth more than that...The very low feeling that death can bring to people is something all of us have to endure at some point in our lives, its just a matter of how we handle it...I will never understand why my husband killed himself, but its not for me to understand...I like everyone else have to step up to the plate and continue living my life...I hurt for the fact that my boys will never know their Dad, but he made it that way, not me...Its not your fault that you feel the way you do, but don't hurt the people that love you by killing yourself...Seek help and try to work through the pain...Although very hard to do at times, its not up to us to take our own lives...Its up to GOD when we go...Its already written out and if you take your own life you are putting the already written story on hold...I feel like my husband is in a very bad place...A place that he will be in over and over again for the rest of eternity...Reliving his suicide...How painful is that...Worse I would say than the pain that reality and real life brings...Think about how you would affect others before you act and mainly think about what the problem really is and if it can be fixed...Where theres a problem, theres a solution...Trust in God and he will see you through...

i just cant take the pain anymore - grieving mother - Nov 10th 2008

I lost my littel girl 3 years 5 mohts ago to a speeding teen. I ran to find her lying in the street, I knew she was already gone though it was 5 and a half hours later before they pronounced her dead. I have recurring nightmares, flashbacks, and guilt over telling her to go outside to play with her friends. My family has abandoned me, I have no one but my dogs.  Honestly if it werent for them I would have done this a long time ago, but my one special dog is getting up in years (11 years 4 months) once she is gone, I'm done.I have attempted supicide once by alcohol nd pills and obviously it didnt work. Every day is a recurring nightmare, I blame myself for telling her to go outside and play because i was tired. All that happend to the boy who hit her while crossing in a crosswalk by our house was a f&*^%$# speeding ticket! and not even a ticket for reckless driving and no insurance!  Though now he is in jail for stangling and murdering his girlfriend. I am full of despair, my daughter age 7 years 8 monhts was my WHOLE life, she was my best friend. I have never loved anyone so much in my life and without her life is empty and pointless. I think about suicide every single day. I research ways to do it on the interent and think that a gun shot would be most effective. I believe we should have assisted suicide in this country. all the psychiatrists, grief counseors, psychologists etc have done nothing to help me. The meds do help with the plummeting darkness but it never goes away. All i want is to be with my daughter again. If you have not lost a child, there is no way you could possibly understand. I just want to know what kind of gun is the most effective. FOr when my dog passes I can go too, and we can be a family again.

Be sure! - - Oct 26th 2008

I have just lost my brother to the horrible mix of alcohol and guns. He was a gun owner forever and I can't blame just the gun. It was the mix. Sadness, Depression, alcohol and guns. Get help, talk to someone at least. This was someone who was not a mess up in this world. Someone that many many people respected and loved. I will never be the same, nor will anyone in the family. I know that it was a last minute choice. He may have thought about it in th past but actually doing would not have occurred without the mix and wrong state of mind at that time. This was someone who had just bought new things and food prepped for the next day.  This was someone who made the wrong impulsive choice that fit the moment. All I can say is I hope he found his peace, while we all struggle the rest of our lives to find ours.  Find the help you need if you are thinking about this...if you are an adult no one else can do this for you...do it for yourself.

someone loves you very much - - Oct 26th 2008
As I was reading everyone's comments, I began to realize that there are a lot of people in pain who don't reasons to live. My brother passed away a year ago. His blood alcohol level so high he was close to being unconscious. He owned a gun and took his pain away. I wish I could go back in time. He was only 26 years old and I want him here so bad. I hope all of you know that someone loves you very much even if you don't think so. For my brother, I didn't realize how depressed he was and how much he was abusing alcohol. I didn't know how much pain he was in. Now my family and myself are living this life as if we died. We just continue life because the world keeps on moving. My message for all those who want to take their pain away is to ask yourself why you are in pain...what is causing it...can you express it to someone or in a notebook...and someone loves you because I love my brother so much and I am having a very hard time making sense of life as well. I don't think he took the easy way out, I think he felt trapped and didn't know that there could be other ways to break this depression. It was hidden and I wish it wasn't and of course I wish I was able to talk to him more about what was going on in his head. Please express yourself more...and find something that you are really interested in...yoga, picking up an instrument, writing...etc. My brother would be here if alcohol, depression, and the gun were out of the picture...I would do anything to help him...but I didn't know. Please talk to someone you can trust...

we need self-termination services - - Oct 24th 2008

wat we need is self-termination services so that people like me who live in total despair and suffering with no possible solution can die with dignity without having to use methods that could leave you vegtable or survive with extreme pain. just a place to administer cyanide to people that need to die, so that they can do it effectivly with dignity

Tired - - Oct 23rd 2008

I am so so tired. I wish i had a gun.

answer to .... - ehsan - Oct 19th 2008

do you ever taste the forastted bin that put in the place.

many of you do not do it? about the sucide is the same things you tell about the things taht you can not feel it and do not love it because you afraid and hate from it.

so how you tell about the things that you can not feel it truly

No Will To Live - - Oct 11th 2008

I' a succesful businessman that thought he had it all.  My wife OD'd , fell into a coma for two weeks, and finally died a horrific death.  I miss her so much.  I was looking for info. on how to comitt with a gun the correct way.  I certainly don't want to end up a vegetable and an additonal burden.  Is there no sites that are instructinal ?

heartbreaking reality - - Sep 17th 2008

My friend took his own life on Sunday morning (14 sept). He was 25 .I had known him for 23 of those years. I cannot express the deep sense of loss that I and everybody who knew him are feeling at present. The reality of the situation however is that if the shotgun and cartridges were not readily available, then all the statistics (which I am currently immersing myself in) indicate that he may well be here today receiving the treatment for depression we all realise only now he so badly needed.

Its too late for my friend and the "what ifs" will haunt me and my friends for the rest of our days . If you feel depressed DO talk about it, whos it going to hurt, confide in someone , anyone,  you never know, just make that one last connection.

Suicide is final - - Sep 17th 2008

My niece shot and killed herself less than 10 days ago.  She felt her depression and pain was too much to handle.  Although she is no longer in pain, she left behind three children, a mother and father, three brothers, and many people who loved and cared for her.  Suicide is final.  If you are thinking about it please seek a professional counselor to help you deal with the pain.

The descisions we make... - - Sep 1st 2008

I myself find the gun appealing not because I am trying to attract attention to my problem, but because it is a permanent solution. If I wanted attention or help I would ask for it (I have before), the gun became an option because of the failure rates of other suicide solutions. It may be the cowards way out, but anyone willingly going along with this world the way it is without trying to change it for the better is a worthless coward living out a meaningless life anyway (are you really trying to make the world a better place, or are you just doing what it takes to make you feel better?). We humans do not deserve the comforts that we are convinced we are intitled to. We just take and take, blind to our own mistakes that we continually make and will continue to make (no one pays attention to history and its lessons) We are a selfish breed of animals that has not graduated from the dark-ages, only the children are inoccent and we do our best to destroy that as soon as we can. Just look around you, if you search your heart you will see my thuth.

terms - - Aug 30th 2008

you can't live life on your terms, so at least I can end it on my termsq!

thought of it and tried it. - Mark - Aug 29th 2008

Was an honor student in high school and got a $5,000 scholarship to the college of my choice. In senior year I cut my wrists anyways, that didn't work out too well. If guns were easy to come by......I'd be so damn happy. People have a right to choose what they want to do with their life. After all it is THEIR life.

Constitution - Max - Aug 27th 2008

I am bi-polar.  I want to shoot myself in the mouth right now and am researching the internet to find out what kind of gun to buy.  I, as a US citizen, have the right to bear arms.  It is in the constitution.  If I want to own a gun and I am dx with a mental illness, then let me do what I want.  I would rather shoot myself and get it over with than vicitimize everyone around me because of my mental illness.  Boom - game over, I'm gone and everyone is sad for a day and life goes on. Whatever.  It's my right to commit suicide.  Give me a gun.

as I grow older - - Aug 19th 2008

I thought suicide was a coward's way out but as I grow older., I've realized that it is the only way out of some problems in life.

Editor's Note:  it can seem that way, but it generally is not true.  Suicidal feelings are a symptom of Depression or similar problem, and most of the time, Depression and similar problems are treatable conditions.  Please review our Suicide Article , and our Depression Article for more information

Method - frank - Aug 6th 2008

What you stupid motherf*ckers don't realize because of your bullsh*t titles from bullsh*t education, is that some people truly want to kill themselves, and not pussy-foot around like some f*cking hippie with drugs looking for attention like a little crybaby. Guns are a good way to go because as soon as you pull that trigger, if you put it in your mouth, you're f*cking done. You don't waste your time waiting around for some f*cking miracle to happen in your pointless life, where you'll probably just end up pussy-footing another suicide attempt; nor do you waste the time of those around you. You get the job done. Good hunting.

Editor's Note: Dr. Schwartz is pretty clear in this article that getting rid of guns is not a solution, but just part of a solution: 

In my opinion, simply making guns less available is not the complete answer to the problem of suicide because it eliminates a method and not the cause of such despair that leads the young to attempt such an awful act. 

Those people who do not seek help for suicidal impulses but instead simply act on them and end their lives are not people we can reach here.  But many people are ambivalent about suicide, so we and other mental health professionals try to reach those people and help them through their crisis.  

You're a pretty angry guy, it's clear enough to see, and one who sees ambivalence as weak.  You couldn't be more wrong in this opinion.  When it comes to suicidal impulses, ambivalence is not a sign of weakness - it is a sign that the will to live is still present which is a sign of health.  Those people who are not ambivalent about killing themselves are far sicker than those who are ambivalent.  

my ideas - ehsan - Jul 28th 2008

i think the way of using one okind of suicide is depend on the life of person.someone like to take pleasure when he orshe is going to die someone like sudenly ending all thing.if the man spend the life in lonliness he like die in loniliness and find his body after any time as i wish to die.

some one like to show his hate from socity or other community so do it in public.i think it is also depend on how is the depth of depression of person.some one do it clean and some one dirty.

i think in many cases the persns that sudenly face with big problem and not fortune to find the good soloution commite suicide with gun and persons that have depression for may years and time like to have another ways that happen more longer.i suicided by thorn and cut my vessel but something resuce me and i came back.

i am gald to see the comments of adminstartor and editor of the site after my and othe firends comments.

lazy - - Jun 10th 2008

i would like to die im just too lazy to do it myself

suicude after retirement - - May 19th 2008

medcine or poison is not issue at hand. if a person wants to comit suicide they they will do the deed anyway. I have thought about this for a long time. the ins and outs of all aspects of the ramifications of suicice. i must say that mentioning any thoughts of suicide to person of any rank form or station of authority will be reported to any and all local instutions. sometimes all a person wants to do is talk about the situiton. as far as guns go, it seems to be the weapon of choice. quick and easy.

assisted suicide - Xina - Feb 17th 2008

In the past year, i have attempted suicide 2x because I've been feeling so hopeless. I've been deceived by a company I've worked for and now have legal/tax hassles because of them, been left by my life partner, don't get along well with my family, been out of school and I have lots of student debt. I have to take care of dying pets and a set of ailing grandparents who constantly fight. We can't afford to put them in a nursing home. I am suffering from so many esteem issues due to trauma from being sexually assaulted not only by the men in my life. Not to mention, I've recently left a cult where the members and officers keep harrassing me to return. My life is NOT fun. To top it off, I have a terminal illness that is very hard on my body. I want to die, I've asked people (friends) to help me self-terminate because i'm suffering so much but because they are true friends, all they want to do is help me live. They say they are selfish and want me to stay here as long as I can.

Well, it's hard to live daily when you are in so much physical and psychological pain.  I'm from Canada and guns are not easy to come by (legally). If they were, I would have used that andm aybe I would definitely not be writing this comment. I still care about how I am found, i don't want to cause traffic problems or commit suicide in a very public fashion. I would just like to do it quietly, in the comfort of my own home. I would be resting in peace now. I think people should be allowed to do what they want (even if that means hurting themselves because they have a right to alleviate their suffering).

You may be right - Craig - Oct 2nd 2007

My first suicide attempt didn't go as planned. I used a poison the wrong way and succeded in getting severly dehydrated, but not dead. If I had had a gun I wouldn't be typing this comment. There have been several periods in the past year that a gun would have been usefull. Having no gun in the house stops the impulse from succeeding. I will try a different poison later on.

Editor's Note:  The larger point is that if you can make it difficult for you to gain access to any lethal implements on a moment's notice, you can avoid impulsive suicide attempts.  So, just as it is a good idea to not have a gun in the house if you are suicidal, it is also not a good idea to have poison in the house, or quantities of substances (household chemicals, medications, etc.) that could be used to poison yourself with.  Please do seek professional help for chronic suidical impulses; As you are probably aware, even if you don't believe it in the heat of the suicidal moment, they generally do pass with proper treatment.