Resources  email page print page Basic Information Introduction to AbuseAbuse DefinedTypes of AbuseDomestic Settings of AbuseInstitutional Settings of Abuse and Hate CrimesRecognizing AbuseEffects of AbusePost-Abuse Vulnerabilities Why Do People Abuse?Why Do Adults Stay In Abusive Relationships?Changing Attitudes About AbuseIf You Are An Abuser...If You or Your Children Are Currently Experiencing Abuse...Abuse - If You Have Been Assaulted or Raped...If You Are a Third Party to Abuse...Preventing AbuseAfter the Abuse Has EndedAbuse Reporting Resources More Information 'The Magdalene Sisters' as an Illustrated Abuse PrimerAbuse Reporting ResourcesAn Interview with Daniel Sonkin, Ph.D. on Domestic ViolenceElder AbuseHow Does the Child Welfare System Work?Legal Assistance for Elder AbuseMandated Reporters of Child AbuseSexual Assault ResourcesSome Thoughts about Victimization, Anger and AbuseThe Bystander Effect, What Would You Do?Wise Counsel Interview Podcast: Steven Levenkron, MS on Childhood Sexual Abuse of Women Latest News Violence Between Couples May Not Be SpontaneousBattered Women's Ills Go Beyond BruisesImpact of Maternal Depression and Abuse on Children StudiedDoctors May Be Able to Predict Domestic Abuse Questions and Answers Insane JealousyHow Can I Talk About My Greatest Fear?InorgasmiaAm I In Danger?Sexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsSociopath or Sociopath-like Product of My Environment?Is She Mentally Ill?Narcissistic StepfatherWill the abuse still continue?Anger Blog Entries The Bystander Effect, What Would You Do?An Interview with Daniel Sonkin, Ph.D. on Domestic ViolenceThe Child is Father to the Man Abuse of Special Needs Children in our Public SchoolsChild Abuse PreventionBorderline Personality DisorderShould I Stay or Leave this Marriage or "When Is Enough Enough?"Child Abuse and Chronic Fatigue SyndromeAn Interview with Yulonda Brown on Surviving Abuse and Bipolar DisorderDomestic Violence: The Hidden Story of Abused MenAbused as a Child: Permanently Damaged?The Sexual Harassment of Girls and Sexual Minorites In Our SchoolsThe Long Lasting Negative Effects of AbusePeople Who Abuse, Are they Evil?Sexual Harassment in the Work Place, An ongoing problemAn Interview with Steven Levenkron, MS on Women's Childhood Sexual AbuseElder AbuseSome Thoughts about Victimization, Anger and AbuseThe Borderline Personality Disordered Family, Part III, HealingThe Borderline Personality Disordered Family, Part II: The ChildrenThe Borderline Personality Disordered Family, Part IYoung Women and Sexual VictimizationIs This the Right Person for Me?Why People Remain In Abusive Relationships: Another Point of ViewWhat Kind of Father Are You?Good article concerning 'Spiritual' AbuseStockholm Syndrome and Regular Old AbuseEarly verbal abuse results in more adult depressionThe Deleterious Effects of Child Abuse'The Magdalene Sisters' as an Illustrated Abuse Primer Links [2] Articles[2] Associations[9] Community[3] Government[45] Information[4] Journals[1] Training[3] Research[1] Self-Help[7] Personal Experiences Book Reviews A Stir of BonesAccounts of InnocenceBecoming AnnaBreathing UnderwaterBruisesBut I Love HimDemons of the Modern WorldLittle ChicagoThe Kindness of StrangersThe UnsayableTrue BelieverViolent PartnersWhen Jeff Comes Home

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Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. Dr. Schwartz's Weblog

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Many people have responded to a posting called "The Deleterious Effects of Child Abuse. The article can be found on the link below:

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_index.php?idx=119&d=1&w=5&e=45

What is concerning about some of the responses to the article is that those who suffered abuse at the hands of parents when they were children seem to be convinced that they are permanently scarred and damaged. I have also had patients who, in reliving the memories of trauma at the hands of parents responded with despair because they were certain that they were forever damaged. What I want to emphasize is that this does not have to be true.

We know that child abuse certainly causes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that is carried into adulthood for those who experienced repeated beatings and were the targets of cursing.
There is no doubt that child abuse results in things such as low self esteem, depression and anxiety, startle responses with very little stimulation, lack of trust in other people, and other distressing emotional side effects tied directly to the abuse.

It is also true that psychotherapy can do a lot to mitigate these after effects of the abuse. In fact, over the years, I witnessed great improvement in functioning among those who entered psychotherapy because of their depression and misery as young men and women. Today, many of these people overcame their symptoms and are married, working and fully productive people in the areas of family, intimacy and work.

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Rather than clinging stubbornly to the conviction that life is hopeless, those who have suffered child abuse can enter psychotherapy and start to rebuild their lives.

There are many types of therapy that help people:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
2. Dialectical Behavior Therapy
3. Exposure Therapy
4. Psychodynamic Therapy also known as "talk therapy."
5. Psychoanalysis

One of the most interesting types of treatment for PTSD and phobias of all kinds is #3, Exposure Therapy.

In exposure therapy a patient is gradually introduced to the original types of circumstances in which the original trauma occurred. One variation of this is what is called Systematic Desensitization. In Systematic Desensitization a patient is put into a state of total relaxation and then gradually asked to imagine scenarios that they tend to find stressful. The patient is asked to close their eyes, become totally relaxed and is then asked to imagine those situations. When they are able to imagine the formerly stress inducing situation without experiencing any symptoms, the therapist then moves on to the second most stress inducing situation for that person. As therapist and patient move along for weeks or months, they gradually move into imagining those memories that are most traumatic and stressful. Now, desensitized to lesser situations, the patient is asked to remember the most traumatizing memories. If stress is experienced the process is stopped and restarted at a later time. Ultimately, the time comes when the patient can remember and imagine the original traumas without discomfort.

Recently, a similar type of treatment was used on an experimental basis with Iraqi veterans suffering form PTSD. In the experiment, the veterans were exposed to "Vi ritual Reality" with technology that allowed them to see and hear the original types of sounds and images that they experienced on the battle field. The results of the experiment were very positive. These results are only preliminary because the numbers of subjects was limited but further research will be conducted and there is real hope for the future.

The point I want to convey to everyone who has suffered from abuse, PTSD and Phobias is that there is very effective help available and every reason to feel optimistic about the future. In other words, in my opinion, there is no reason to feel "permanently scarred" by events over which you had no control

Your comments are encouraged.

Readers in the Boulder, Colorado metro area (or Denver area people willing to drive) may contact Dr. Schwartz for face-to-face consultation and psychotherapy. Email him at dransphd@aol.com for details.

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Thank you!

Molested as a child - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - Nov 12th 2009

Hello Molested,

I do not believe you are damaged or traumatized "beyond repair." I urge you to take a number of steps:

1. There are support groups for women who were raped and abused either during childhood or adulthood.

2. Psychotherapy is a wonderful way for you to begin working on all the terrible feeling you have resulting from the repeated rapes.

Please go for help.

Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

molested from age 6-17 - - Nov 12th 2009

I was abused for years by my biological dad.  I was tramatized beyond repair i sometimes think.  I was married to an alcoholic for years and finally came to my senses.  I am now remarried to a very good man but he also has his issues but by in large he is a good man.  I still have many issues.  I am now 46.  I always feel alone no matter what.  I am easily hurt emotionally.  I never feel good enough.  I fear abandonment so much. 

I wasnt a good mom for years.  I hollered at my child alot.  I am trying very hard to recover,  if i can recover.  I try hard to see the good in things.  Sometimes its so hard though.  I am down in the dumps alot. 

Counseling - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - Sep 25th 2009

Adam, it is true that psychotherapists charge for office visits. However, they, too, have bills such as office rent, home rent or mortgage, children to pay for, and a host of other bills just like everyone else. It is also true that, for their efforts they would like to earn some profit. However, it is mistaken to relegate psychotherapy to uselessness because they charge for their services. 

Two of the major issues that emerge in psychotherapy are 1. Money and, 2. Sexuality. Just as you attribute selfishness to psychotherapist, so do many patients who want to have sex with their therapist who refuses. 

Psychotherapy is a human relationship marked by all of the human desires, demands and disappointments that affect everyone. The difference between the outside world and the world within therapy is that the patient to client has the opportunity to learn how to relate in a healthy way. What does that mean?

It means that, unlike the terrible abuses, sexual, physical and verbal that may have been perpetrated by adults on them when they were young, the patient discovers that here, in psychotherapy, is a person who does not behave with cruelty and sadism. In point of fact, the therapy becomes a place where the patient, perhaps for the very first time, discovers that they are safe and secure.

This is why psychotherapy does work to help those who were abused and traumatized. As someone who has worked in the field of psychiatry and mental health for thirty years, I can report that people, thanks to therapy, do recover, even from what were some of the worst types of abuse. As one client said to me a long time ago after completing therapy with me, "Thank you, you give people their lives back." 

I point this out not to give myself a "pat on the back, but to demonstrate that myself and other therapists do succeed in helping people to recover. No, it does not happen with every patient and not all therapists are equal. However, on the whole, I believe that people can enter psychotherapy with confidence that they will be helped.

Dr. Schwartz

why counseling rarely works - Adam Rinkleff - Sep 25th 2009

Counseling is expensive, and since victims of abuse tend to not trust others, they are inclined to feel that paying lots of money for counseling is probably just another way of being taken advantage of. Meanwhile, counselors are entirely unsympathetic to this, and tend to justify why they deserve to get paid so much, or why the victim can afford to pay, but all that does is ignore the simple fact that merely paying for counseling is extremely deterimental to the entire counselling process. Do you think I want to pay you so that you will listen to me talk about being abused as a child, and how that has caused so many problems for me in later life? How can I believe you genuinely care, if I have to pay you to listen? How can I ever feel better about myself, when I have to pay people to pretend they care? I'm supposed to help you make your new car payments, while I am struggling to pay rent? Ultimately, my point here is that mental-health issues will never be widely treatable, until the medical community stops treating this as a for-profit business. Meanwhile, victims of abuse simply continue to suffer.

Abused Victim NO MORE!! - - Sep 22nd 2009

52 year old female, born again christian!married 34 years one child, 2 grandchildren, Husband is mentally and physically disabled ,caregiver and disabled myself. Childhood molestation from the age of 3-12, father was a minister of the occult and used me from an early age to contact the spirits,no connection.. Mother was an alcoholic ,brother a drug abuser.Brutally raped at the age of 17 made the papers, court and sentenced was pronounced on the attacker. 60 lbs overweight, health issues, unable to have mobility due to back injury.Just found my half sister first time in my life talk to her about a week ago, I see my grand daughters being verberlly and physically man handled by their father who is 275 lbs. When he grabs a 4 year olds arm and jerks her towards him and with such anger yells in her face it hits the fan sort of speak with me!!. Between finding my sister and this going on with grandchildren,I want to be in advocate against all kinds of ABUSE. I have never felt like I mattered but an object.We must fight back!!!

Money? - Carrie - Sep 3rd 2009

What can you do if you don't have money for counseling?

It is not that easy... - - Aug 25th 2009

I believe that there might be help for getting over this, but is not that easy. People who has not gone thru it can NOT understand it. Like it or not, that is a fact.Different people have different views of the same subject, but one thing is true; thise memories will be there. About this therapy your saying; i doubt that i can think about my past without having some kind of panic attack! If that is something like that, i will give all the money i have to get that treatment...but again, i doubt it works. It is hard to get over things that go so deep inside your soul, and i am not trying to be drammatic, but i have gone thru it and it comes back everytime i have a memorie coming back...everytime i see a father and a child showing love, every father`s day, every time i hear about abuse...And it did not even take sexual abuse to do that to me, i can`t imagine what people that has been sexually abused by their parents go thru, but i certainly am not gonna try to tell them that they are not trying hard enought to get over it, because i dont believe anyone wants to live with that.

Bullying - Allan N. Schwartz, Phd - Apr 20th 2009

Hello Just stating my views, The problem with what you are saying is that only people who have been through the same thing can understand how that person feels. This is something I do not agree with. One does NOT have to have been through the troubles and traumas of another in order to be able to help. People have the capacity to understand, empathize, apply somewhat similar circumstances to, etc. What, only a woman can help female patients? Only a father can help boys? Only an MD who survived cancer can help cancer patients? You agree that is not so.There is something else you are not understanding about this article. Many survivors of abuse and bullying have told me, with regret, that they are "permanently damaged." I happen to believe that it is possible to overcome the most damaging happenings of a person's life. For example, I have know survivors of the Holocaust and who went on to live productive lives. There are things we can do to overcome these over whelming hurts. That is why there are therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and social workers. I know that you meant well but you are taking the message the wrong way. There are ways to overcome adversity.

Dr. Schwartz

Just stating how I feel. - - Apr 19th 2009

When you say in your article, I don't remember word for word, however I find it basically saying people don't have to live with the stress of being abused everyday. Or deal with the guilt or sudden sadness of being abused also. I myself was abused as a child from the age of 7 to 12. However, Dr. I know you're qualified for helping these people but have you ever lived any of this abuse. If so, it surprises me that it hasn't become a big part of your life. If not, and please know I'm not trying to tell you how to do you job, then how do you really understand how these people are feeling. Someone take away your innocence for so many years is an unexplainable hurt. Resorting to things that help me deal with it, sure it's my choice and I know it's the wrong choices. But it still helps me cope.  I guess what I'm trying to say is your article comes across to me as if you're trying to say that you can get over abuse and move on from it. But you can't. You learn to live with it. Some people carry it in their back pockets for the rest of their lives. And I know it's because some of them are stubborn. But other times it feels like it's against your body's will to feel that way. I just want you to understand where I'm coming from. It's four years since anything has happened to myself. But it still feels like, see that's the thing. I don't know what I feel like anymore. All I know is this. Something needs to be done to make people open their mouths sooner. To make children not afraid of speaking up. But in the end, it all hurts the same.

The catch 22... - Jane - Apr 17th 2009

I agree that many survivors could benefit from some form of psychotherapy. However, the problem is many who have low self esteem, trust issues, and suspicion as a result of abuse may understand they need therapy but are just not able to conjure up the strength to go into an office and put it "all out there" with a complete stranger. The negative self talk ( why would someone want to help me?), paranoia ( what if they tell someone I know?), and experience with disappointment (betrayal by loved ones) may be too overwhelming.    

Editor's Note: This very issue of feeling hesitant or frightened to talk with a therapist is being discussed in the community lately. The thread is called "Writing to the psychologist/therapist, is it appropriate? You may wish to check that conversation out.  

Everything can be okay - Tina - May 29th 2008

I totally agree with the article and I applaud the author for bringing up a little known fact about children of abusive parents - we're not broken forever. Once I had control over my life there were certain things that I wouldn't tolerate. I was still confused in my early 20's and married an abusive man - but I kicked him out 3 months after he first hit me and didn't marry again until I found an emotionally stable man 10 years later. My most debilitating emotional problems worked themselves out early - my social anxiety was cured by the practice of working for a living, for example. I still carry some issues with me that I'm still working to alleviate, but I have come a long way in the 27 years I've been responsible for and in control of my own life. In that time, when I've needed it, I have asked for advice from mental health therapists and that has helped me tremendously. To all children of abusive parents - don't give up, everything can be okay.

Gosh,I would be so fortunate..... - melissa - May 17th 2008

This article has me "mapped out good!!"I would be so grateful to have an hour of your time...(Dr.)I'm real sick with my addictions,withdrawl,panic and anxiety,chronic pain,PTSD,depression..I have truly come to the"fork" n the road ,37 yrs old,alone,tired sick,ashamed, the torment I put MYSELF through has taken a good part of me..I pray for others trying not to be "led Around" again and again...."Same sh-t different day" type thing..Thanks,MB