Perspectives - Vol. 4, No. 3 - Online Safety Issues Abound: An EditorialPat Stubbs Updated: Aug 1st 1999 Safety -- A condition of being free from danger, harm, injury, or loss
Safety Net -- Something that provides security against misfortune or difficulty Safety issues are a concern for every abuse survivor. Safety concerns should not be dismissed or treated lightly as they arise as a result of past abusive situations. It's important to realize the limitations of the chat room when people bring their safety issues online as they seek support within the survivor chat room settings. The really good survivor chat rooms emulate real life, in that real issues of concern to survivors such as safety are discussed. To me the most evident limitations in an online discussion on safety are that survivors have triggers that inevitably get set off causing feelings of great fear, along with anxiety and apprehension. A discussion of the past inevitably brings with it many old feelings. A direct question should be asked; what is it that survivors are looking for in a survivor chat room? Are they looking for support (which would include open discussions and focused topics) or are they looking for a place to hang out and merely share space or airtime with other survivors? If the answer is that survivors are merely seeking to share space, then the current online situation is adequate. However, many survivors that I talk to want more. The survivors I talk to want a place they can go to discuss what's happening in their therapy and to get honest feedback on strategies for healing. How many survivor chat rooms online do you know that fit that bill? Not many I assure you. So many survivor chat rooms have people who sit there, not speaking, or (if they do speak), who discuss things like the weather, or the mundane day to day things like what kind of detergent they use to do laundry. Rarely do you see a more serious discussion. A survivor enters a typical chat room and is sometimes acknowledged, many times not, particularly if they are new. The first thing a newcomer learns is that you have to spoil or conceal certain words (for instance, a word like "mom" needs to become "m*m"). You aren't allowed to speak directly and openly about any serious issues because it might "trigger" someone. Most survivor rooms will allow someone to come in and say "oh I feel suicidal" and pull everyone in the room into the internal issue of whether "they should" live or not live. Yet, go into that same room, and ask to talk openly about your past abuse and you will inevitably be asked to leave. Most rooms act to protect their "regulars." Regulars are those people who sit in the channel day after day. Channel operators do not want to see their regulars upset. To me this type of restrictive atmosphere encourages an almost crisis by crisis mentality. Online there seems to be a separation between operators versus channel members/regulars. The current situation has the operators taking an almost "paternal/maternal" role of "protecting" folks from harm. At one time such parenting would have been helpful (as children in abusive situations), but we are all adults now. We should all be able to take responsibility for ourselves. To externalize this issue can only create more problems in my opinion. There are many survivor rooms where I am considered unsafe because I am very open. However, it is my belief that the really good survivor chat rooms should and do emulate real life. How I behave online is very much how I behave offline. There are people who know me in both settings and they can attest to this fact. Who I am doesn't change from one survivor channel to the next. This is not the case with some online survivors. They tend to act as chameleons, going from one channel to another giving varied but different backgrounds in each. That is part of the risk of being online, not knowing who other people really are and not knowing what their real agendas are. Also there are many survivors who use their diagnosis of multiple personality disorder MPD as an excuse to behave badly. Whether you do or do not have MPD, you are still responsible for what you say or how you behave. I say this even though I have MPD myself, and even though I have lost time; it does not mean I am not responsible (for what I do and say during that lost time). I firmly believe that each survivor (including myself) online and offline, must take personal responsibility and not expect or even ask others to do it for them. You hear talk online about who is safe and who is not safe. Take it with a grain of salt. Remember - a certain amount of risk that you may meet someone who is dishonest comes with being online. If you are looking for an online survivor chat room where you can sit without any expectations, I am sure I can suggest quite a few. Without focus how can there be growth? Ask yourself what you are looking for online. Is it more important that you find someone who always agrees with you, or is it more important that you find someone that will provide feedback? Only you can answer these questions for yourself. Make no mistake about it, whether it's acknowledged publicly or not, online life really does emulate real life. You find the same pettiness, and backbiting, and the same kind of politics. Use good judgment, as you will hear some pretty incredible stories. At the very least if someone says something hard to believe don't be afraid to question them. Although it may make the other person uncomfortable you have a right to ask. In conclusion, online safety is a real concern, but perhaps not in the way you might have originally thought. Safety is a mental space/state. And above all else, only you can keep yourself safe, no one else. Reference:
Stubbs, P. (1999). Online Safety Issues Abound. [Online]. Perspectives. [1999, August 15]. | 
