The Nature of Suicide - Suicide, Depression, Anxiety Disorders

This introductory document discusses suicide; the taking of one's own life. It is intended to educate readers about the nature of suicide. However, if you are seriously considering committing suicide right now, you don't need education about the nature of suicide. You need immediate support from caring people who can help you get through this crisis and rediscover meaning in your life. You need to stop everything else and get help as soon as possible, no matter how badly you feel, because otherwise, you may kill yourself in short order. With this understanding in mind - If you are seriously suicidal right now - if you know that you will harm yourself unless something happens very shortly to stop you from doing so - PLEASE take the following step right now:

Your use of the term "acute" tells the people you're speaking with that you are in immediate danger of committing suicide right now, and that they need to act quickly to help keep you safe.

If you are still reading (and not on the phone with an emergency operator, or already on the way to the hospital), we'll take it as a sign that you are not acutely suicidal right now. Though you may not be in crisis this moment, you may be experiencing a great deal of emotional pain nevertheless, and seeking information about how to best deal with that pain. If that is the case, feel free to skip over this introductory article and go right to our article discussing practical tips and suggestions for coping with and managing suicidal feelings and thoughts. If you are a friend or family member seeking practical information about how to deal with another person who is suicidal, we have another article written specifically for you. We hope you will find this practical information to be useful.

If you are still reading, we'll take that as a sign that you have a few minutes to spend learning about suicide (rather than just reacting to it). It's useful to learn about the nature of suicide, because knowing this information can help you to keep your suicidal feelings (or the suicidal feelings of a loved one) in perspective, and can thus make you more able to manage those feelings, rather than be managed by them.

In this article, we lay the foundation for our discussion of suicide by first defining the types of behaviors and thoughts that fit the definition of "suicidal". We then share important information concerning the number of people who commit suicide each year, and their typical characteristics and issues. We also discuss why someone might commit suicide. We end our discussion with a some societal recommendations for the prevention of suicide.

Keep in mind that you always have the option of picking up the phone and calling for help should you become overwhelmed by suicidal feelings while reading this article. Call the emergency operator (911 in the United States) or take yourself to the emergency room at the local hospital. Taking these actions will help keep you safe. Maybe not entirely comfortable; maybe embarrassed; maybe even ashamed; but safe, nevertheless.

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Hi, everyone out there. I used to go through everything you went through. I wanted to die. But, thanks to help from friends and family, I'm doing much better. I want you all to know, it gets better. I don't personally know any of you but I want you to stay alive. I want you to know there will always be someone out there for you to talk to, to work everything out with. I'll check this website again soon if anyone wants to talk. I'm here for you.

Provide a service where people can quietly, peacefully and without pain end their lives. Then dispose of the body in the manner of their choosing. No questions asked, no doctor certificates, no government nor religious intervention. If a person wants to end their life, then that is enough. You people create horror for many people. It is a horror that I hope that you guys personally feel. Though you are probably like that pope who thinks that pain and suffering is good. That is a sick mentality. You guys have a dark age mentality and should go back into your holes.

I am 49 found out 6 months ago have premature CAD, which had 2 stents put in and then due restonis two more. in the past two years I have lost everything I own due to divorce unable to find a job, and then this it seems it keeps getting worse, on top of all of that all I can think about is I would be better off dead and what bad is I have the means to accomplish it pills and fire arms. I've quit take the heart meds that control blood pressure and the artery spasms hoping that this will do it, I tried sucide when I was 19 almost accomplished it, if it had not been for a friend that was a doctor I would have been dead. I know I need help but I don't know how to bring it up with my doctor, and my family would not understand, they don't my sons just tell me get over it. And I'm afraid of being like my mother who was always threating sucide. I'm tired of thinking about death I just want to either die or be able to return to a normal life, if there is one. But every time something starts going right something else goes wrong either personal or medical. I'm AFRIAD to tell my doctor and I don't which one to talk with.

Having spent almost my entire life being depressed, I've entertained the notion of suicide more than once. The earliest occasion (I am told by my parents, who took me to a doctor) was when I was 9 years old. I am now almost 27.

Today I had a melt-down, and felt worthless and stupid and awful. When my boyfriend told me he needed to sleep, rather than talk my problems through with him, I was upset enough to have my thoughts turn again to suicide.

I got onto the internet initially looking for something to help me come up with a plan to kill myself...a 'good' way to do it, or whatever.

Instead, what I got was a handful of useful knowledge about my condition, as well as the knowledge of what happens physically when suicides (or attempted suicides) occur. One site in particular showcased gruesome photographs of varying suicide attempt methods, and their corresponding 'looks', post-mortem.

It was a real eye-opener. I always thought that suicide would be safe, easy, clean...something gentle; passing away, rather than a violent means to a very real end. But it turns out that suicide is right up there with homocide for having the worst post-death images ever. And that scared me enough to re-think this, and start looking for ways to help myself get out of this self-destructive pattern I'm in.

Which is how I got to this website. When I read all of the responses so many of you have written, there are a few things that struck me.

a) I am also in financial difficulty, and it is one of the reasons I so desperately believed ending it all would, well, end it all. Now, though, I don't feel so alone, knowing that some of you are going through these problems too. We need to all start helping each other, in any way we can.

b) I am from Canada, where healthcare is FREE. Many of the reasons for suicide/depression/anxiety cited below seem to be related to not having enough money to visit a proper doctor, not having health insurance, etc. I am hoping with all of my heart that those of you who are in the USA will finally be blessed with a proper healthcare system that actually takes CARE of its citizens, rather than ignoring them for better-paying 'customers.' Mental health, like any other health, is a RIGHT, not a priviledge of wealth.

c) I am glad that many of you have posted your feelings, and gotten them out. I hope that in some way, writing down your feelings (anonymously - hooray for the internet!) has helped you come to terms with them. I know it's helped me...

Thank you for sharing, everyone...my love + luck to you all for overcoming your personal demons. <3

I can hear and feel the passion of the person who submitted the last two or so comments. However, I think there is a misunderstanding here. When we use the term "sick" in connection with emotional, we are using it in a precise way. There are times when feeling emotional pain is not sickness. For example, if a loved one dies, the pain we feel is not sick.

However, when pain persists beyond a certain amount of time and when that pain causes us to believe that we should and want to commit suicide, then, we are sick.

However, the word sick, in this sense, is not a criticism. If you have the persistan pain of an infection and you have fever and it does not get better, then, you are sick and need help.

It is the same with this. That is the point. We do not want to cause more pain. We want to relieve, reduce pain, so that a person will feel better.

Keep it up smart ones! - I've helped...yes, I am proud and feel great!! - Sep 17th 2009

Keep up your mental illness labels, keep up with calling those who are suicidal ILL and CRAZY...see how quick they leave this world. You only reiterate what society tells them..."you're sick, get help"...No, YOU get help to learn how to understand a person's pain and offer them love and understanding......Blame them for being selfish, then blame yourself ESPECIALLY for being selfish for wanting someone to continue living in so much pain for YOUR BENEFIT!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't take a flippin rocket scientist to understand that suicide is most often caused by PAIN...more pain than a person's resources to deal with it.

"Go call 911"....OMG.....seriously?????? Yes, that's EXACTLY what a person in pain wants...more pain.

Oh you sooooo smart...tell them to go to the hospital where they will be forevered labeled crazy...yeah, that works for most people...I'm sure they are DYING (pun intended!) to have more insults, more reasons to feel like shit! NOT!!!!! Oh and don't forget to remind Mommy, once you go to the hospital you lose your children and your will to live will never exist. That's exactly what a mommy wants....to lose her babies and live with a cruel, damn cruel society of people who will put her down every opportunity they get. Now do you feel better? "Oh sorry Suzy, can't help you tonight..gotta do dinner, paint my nails and well gosh hun, why don't you just go to the E.R.?"

Tell a Mother to think about her children. GUILT HER TO DEATH. Gee...that's what most mothers do all by themselves, they don't need YOUR HELP DUH...they think of everyone else, ALWAYS, they sacrifice beyond sacrifice...maybe a helping hand would be nice. Maybe a I'll watch your kids so you can rest for awhile would be so helpful...oh goodness, we have but forgotten the good old days where people helped each other in times of need, we didn't ask WHY...we just did and we didn't judge, WE HELPED. And we kept helping as long as the need was there...we didn't worry about our toenails..or the gal on the internet we want to meet and impress with dinner, if you want to help, you have no excuse, NONE good enough not to. You decide who is really selfish.

Now if you REALLY want to help someone who is overwhelmed with pain, get off YOUR BUTT and reach out YOUR hand and do everything you can to ease their burdens....God knows they have more than enough for you to choose from, pick one!!! They are having financial troubles? Oooh, then start networking, they are obviously too tired and weak to do it, so what? Do it for them, find others (NOT MEDICAL PERSONS) who can help with whatever it is this person may need...they are depressed? Not a very hard emotion to understand..do it! Tell them THEY ARE NOT CRAZY, THEY ARE NOMAL AND HAVING A ROUGH TIME...AND TELL THEM YOU WILL HELP!!!!!!!! THEN DO!

Mom is single, left with little to no resources, she aches for all her children don't have, she feels worthless. You got two cars? GOOD! Go sell one and help her...babysit for free, or find someone who will! She don't need a car to get to heaven, nor do you. But damn, wouldn't your heart feel good to know you didn't enter this world in a car, you wont enter a heaven in one either..and no God will accept your excuses as to why you HAD to have two cars when this woman and her children needed life, you could have helped, but shhhhh don't tell, buuuuuuut...well...gosh...I really like having my cars, and boat, and well, .....uhhhh! Yep...you can (maybe) fool your neighbors...but don't think for one minute you have fooled the ones who want out of this sick, selfish world.

Oh...and don't forget to wear your best suit, those expensive shoes and drive your best car the the funeral!

I am saddened but not surprised by all the comments i find here. So many lonely and trapped people. It's such a shame. But in a strange way i find it sorta comforting. Like depression is not something to feel ashamed of. When I was 13 i tried to kill myself. I took an overdose of tablets and was discovered by my mum who rushed me to hospital to have my stomach pumped. Luckily i survived and after several years of counselling and anti-depressant therapy, as well as a lot of love and support from my family I recovered from my depression.

I remember at the time very clearly how my parents did not want me to tell anyone or let on to anyone what had happened and at the time i thought it was because there was something wrong with me - like i was crazy or something and that they were ashamed of me. But it was because they were afraid that I would be branded that way by people who don't understand depression. Reading some of the comments here reassures me that there is hope for those people who do come forward about their issues. If this forum shows anything it shows that you are not alone and help is at hand.

To those people who say that drugs don't work I would say that although they do not create miracles they can help but only if the person wants to be helped and has a lot of other support like counselling or someone to talk to. I wouldn't be here without my mum and i owe her so much. To anyone considering suicide I would ask you to think of your loved ones and how it would affect them - really. I remember being so shocked when my mum found out - shocked at how hurt her and my dad were. I've never hurt anyone so much and i hope i never do again.

Someone once said that Time is the fire in which we burn. It has also been said that time is the relentless predator that stalks everyone from the very second they become a sentient being, never wavering in its pursuit and always victorious in the end as it dominates its prey.

Some people are destined to do great things and others will do some terrible things. Some people will live happy fulfilled lives totally oblivious to the chaos that spins around them.

What if you were never really good at anything in your entire life? Would that be unusual? Shouldn’t everyone account for something, and not just something accidental? If you have had children and the fact that by having those children you have met your best destiny aren’t you done? Haven’t you changed the world? If that truly is all you have to offer and you have offered it what more do you have to do?

Why do so many people listen but so few hear?

Who is the most courageous person?

The one that flees from Time trying to stay one step ahead, knowing their task is in vain yet not making it easy on Time?

Why do you fight it so vehemently? These small connections we have that are nothing but the blink of an eye to the universe as we know it.

Do you hope to win? To what end? What prize do you hope to achieve or can you win just by playing?

Is it more couragious to be the one that does not flee from Time yet turns and embraces it with relief as they would an old friend that they have longed to see and knew it would only be a matter of when not a matter of just if.

What of the person that is ignorant of these choices, of life’s bitter ironies. Are they brave as they meander through life without a care in the world or are they just the lucky chosen few?

Which am I?

Am I simply a coward?

Does it matter? Does it really?

Is it within our power to make these decisions for ourselves or have they been made for us? Or have we shaped the choice all our lives with every breath until our lives are barreling down the random highway our choices have led us to be on.

I can’t…
I won’t
I shouldn’t…
Why not…
Make a decision.

I was diagnosed with a severe form of depression. From a bubbly, outgoing person i've turned into controling psycho. My fiance says he will leave me if i dont get my act together. I am on medication for depression for a right while but it doesnt help at all. I just feel like am ruining his life and i hate myself for being like this. I know why i am so depressed. My job, parent's divorce, money problems, fiance s drinking and flirting with every women he sees. This is getting beyond a joke and i have suicidal thoughts every single day. My 2 friends killed themselves a year ago. One in June and one in July. I know that if things will get any worse i will kill myself. And i've even planned out how. I will take a serious amount of my prescribed medication and finally make everyone's life better.....

I hear you so very deeply and I can understand why you feel this way. There are lots of things about life that can drain your motivation and make you feel as you do. I do indeed understand.

However, I must ask, as one in the mental health profession, have you seen a medical doctor or psychotherapist yet? If not, I would encourage you to do so. You may be suffering from some sort of depression, a very real problem facing most of America today. You could also be struggling with burnout due to many of life's stressors, which can too lead to depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings. Before you make any drastic decisions, please try to reach for help first. If you truly feel suicidal don't hesitate to call the National Suicide Hotline at: http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html or http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-suicide and 1-800-273-talk. It is a 24 hour, 7 day a week service that will speak with you regarding anything you need to speak about. They are also good at leading you to different resources that may be of help to you.

As a believer and one who respects the religious/spiritual aspect of life in counseling, I have to encourage you to seek spiritual guidance. You'd be surprised how comforted you'd feel by the spiritual love and acceptance as well as compassion that can find you there. Have you ever thought of seeking religious counseling such as Christian counseling? Please check out of the following links:

NEW LIFE: this is a great talk-show who will take your calls on a variety of issues. Their number is:1-800-NEW-LIFE and you can certainly reach them Monday through Friday on 101.5 WORD FM at 2:00! http://newlife.com/card.asp?id=5

The National Alliance on Mental Illness has a faith division that can "minister" to your soul about being encouraged and obtaining self-love. www.nami.org/namifaithnet

Lastly, I would also encourage you to read the book of Psalms in your Bible if you have one or you can request one for free from the Mormon church. A disciple named David suffered greatly every day of his life, yet he was faithful to God and believed that if he believed he would one day receive happiness and be healed. David was a man of faith (at least he tried to be) and if you read about him, you might be surprised to see yourself in him.

In addition, of interest to you may also be a man from the Bible named Elijah. This story refers to a recovering from weariness. You can find this in 1Kings chapter 18: verse 21. Another is Moses, who felt extremely overwhelmed by life, found in Numbers chapter 11 verses 11:5-6.

A book that can help make sense of the above stories would be: Biblical Stories for Psychotherapy and Counseling: A sourcebook. (2004). Matthew B Schwartz and Kalman Kaplan. Any Barnes and Noble or Borders store can get it for yoo within a week: www.borders.com or www.Amazon.com.

Ask yourself this question: "If I would be willing to try any medication on the market, any type of therapy to feel better, why wouldn't I too try spiritual counseling or guidance? If we learn to become less subjective and more objective, we'd probably find the answers to many of our emotional needs.

Give it a try; I'm almost sure you will receive the "lifeline" you are seeking. We all could use at times a little "lifeline" to keep us holding on.

i am tired of being lonely. i am tired of always making others feel better, feel comfortable...noone cares how i feel...noone cares what happens to me. every relationship i have is abusive. i always feel left alone. i just want to stop hurting.

hey im josh not real name im 14 and ive had a rough life wen i was 6 my father commited suicide .its not tht that bothers me but some times wen i get angry i have those suicidal thoughts i was on aim talking 2 a girl frend of mien today and her mom called my phone and accused me of calling her a bitch and i know i didnt . she said dont come round here till further notice in a voicemail . i was quite upset bc i just started hanging wit her after a while and i like her a lot and i told her today and i always hug her b4 i go and she has a bf so i feel a lil akward about that cuz i kissed her i know its wrong and were really goodfrends so she wasnt upset i kinda like living on the edge.its just sometimes i get so low or angry its astonishing . i have put a hole in my wall b4 i just need help and also this is wat kills me my gpa died this year and his death was werse on me then my fathers. ive had a real rough life 4 a 14 yr old r my thots connected 2 my fathers suicides?

im 13 and my parents have been fighting often my mom gets moody and cries after having a great day and my dad got a new job where he wakes up at 3 in the morning tonight august 3 2009 i got back from the movies and i found my mom on the couch crying and my dad in a fine modd and my sister in the modd like they just got in a fight anyway she said they did and a few minutes ago my left to sleep in the truck and she left a not saying she doesnt deserve us and we are a blessing for her.

if she thinks we are to good for her do you think she might be commiting suicide? im worryed for her she might be crazy because she has weird modd changes and its not her period i know for a fact if you have any info for me please tell me my dad says we cant afford counciling what do i do? please help me and my family mostly my mom

i just can't find my joy anymore it used to be i could find a brighter side to every situation. my wife hates me my kids don't respect and i really can't stand myself. i just want to rest and guilt free

I came to this site out of curiosity and to find out if there are other arguments, other than "think of what it will do to your kids." I am 57-yr old male with 5 kids ranging from 13 to 30. I feel that not only would I be preventing them from exposure to a sick f***, but would probably find relief that it is finally over for them (oh, and Dad too.) Not only did I not find anything that resembles ANY argument more helpful than "what would it do to your kids," but more amazingly, I repeated read that, "I have tried to kill myself many times...." What the hell is that all about? Hint: .45 caliber handgun--you'll only need one bullet. It will be the only attempt and you will not have to continue the existence that you insist you cannot endure. How can someone who wants to die try "to kill myself many times?" THAT is BS. I will be gone within 3 months, after some business is taken care of that I don't leave so much for my kids and their mother to clean up. To you dufus MF's out there whining for attention, here's a piece of news: my therapist's husband just shot himself in the head with a .45 in front of her. Of course I do not know how she feels but her demeanor seems that it was his sick problem, not hers. When I am gone, she will undoubtly think the same. If I can endure 3 more months, I will be one of the smart and lucky ones who won't put up with anymore of this BS.

Editor's Note: Suicide is a frightening thing to contemplate for many people. it is generally not an impulse people act on lightly. A certain fearlessness needs to be cultivated (see our podcast with Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., an expert in this area), and as well, it needs to appear to people that death is the best way out of their situation. This is why many people try to kill themselves multiple times - they are deeply ambivalent about it.

As I read your own comment, I am struck by your own ambivalence towards your own suicidal impulses. On the one hand you are searching for some argument powerful enough to dissuade you from killing yourself. On the other hand, you are dismissive of the arguments here and more importantly, the other people who have written in here, as though there is a fearlessness competition happening and you need to be the winner - more fearless than all the rest.

Given that you are yourself ambivalent about killing yourself, may I ask what sort of argument you would need to be confronted with which would help you choose to live?

I am reading over everyone's stories and intermittently crying so hard I had to stop and get kleenex because I am so sensitive and my heart truly hurts for each and every one of you who are degrading yourselves, feeling worthless and talking about suicide. Please don't do it because it is a final, selfish act which solves nothing and all it does is leave behind family, friends, co-workers, etc., who believe it or not, truly care for you. I have had my own ups and downs over the years, but my 2 young-adult sons keep me going. I'd never want to hurt them in such a way as that. I don't have a lot of friends as I am a very "cautious" woman and don't trust many strangers. I was born in 1951 and I can honestly say that just within the last 20 years or so, I am ALARMED by the number of young teens, children & adults who are put on all the depression meds, anxiety pills, pain pills, etc. I believe some of these meds are the reason why we have such a huge society of people who are just fed up with the world, their lives, etc. It's because they are so "clouded" by the medications that they cannot think clearly. For instance, when my oldest son was 5, the kindergarten teacher gave me heck until I took my son to the doctor because she swore he was hyperactive. Of course, 1st thing the doctors did was presribe Ritalin. I gave it to him a couple of weeks and then, at his begging, I stopped them and told the teachers I refused to give it to him. The meds kept him sleepy & confused the entire time. It was just a while before he adjusted back to school and now he holds a very important job in CA and has shown no signs of ADHD and he is 25 years old now. Look at what they found out about the danger of Ritalin and now people buy it illegally to get high!! Plus mixing all these medicines just can't be good for a person, in my opinion.

God bless you all. I'm not a doctor, I just think drugs are overused and oversupplied. Take a break from life, if only for an hour in the park or beach. Think of what you do have. Everyone gets hurt & down, the economy sucks right now, but it will get better. From my lips to God's ears!

even when its problems on my job, this makes me feel hopeless and i desire to end my life from it.

My husband left when I was thirty five (no children). I thought I would be alone the rest of my life. It is true. I am now in my forties with so much rejection in dating and jobs and facing poverty even though I have a master's degree. I always dreaded getting old because my mother looked so old at my age. I look older than her at this age due to skiing and a lot of Colorado sun. My finances are a wreck due to fear. Not paying my bills for fear of layoffs at my Company. I live in such fear that I can not sleep, I am exhausted, I cry myself to sleep every night. I wake up frequently with night terrors with a sinking feeling that I should end it now as I know it will get much worse. I have closed all my relationships and function barely. It will make departure easier. I don't open my mail. I have to force myself to leave my place on the weekends to get groceries, and sometimes, I go without. Believe me girls, it does not get better with age. You will all loose your looks and then it is downhill from there. I am not only talking about guys and the "F ability Factor" but it hits you at your career as well. This might be terrible advice, but you should have children to have people that do care about you when you are old. You should keep many female friends throughout your life. Make sure they are the good ones and not the jealous ones. Don't depend on a man being there and don't blow off your good female friends for a flakey guy-they only follow their pecker. They take off when they think they can get a younger woman to sleep with. I know countless women my age who were abandoned by their one and only. Women file for divorce because then men want them to. The men behave badly so we will divorce them (affairs, verbal abuse, neglect and so on. (I didn't file for mine). Anyhow, since I was too caught up in finding a male partner (marriage), I have ruined my chance for survival in middle age. If I remained single, I would have been in a much better position now. Don't become dependent on a two income life. Make sure you can live your life on your salary only. I hope I can save some young women from my demise as I feel my time is over.

The answer to your question is not pleasant but very real: A suicide threat is ALWAYS REAL. I know of cases in which the threat was not taken seriously but it was repeated so frequently that, like the "boy who cried wolf," everyone ignored it only to discover that the individual finally committed suicide.

Having said that, there are some clues to how lethal the person may be. For example, The threat is especially dangerous if the person who is threatening suicide is:

1. drunk, 2. using drugs, 3. is very depressed and in despair, 4. coming off of a traumatic situation such as a break up with a boy or girl friend, 5. has lost their job, 6. has a family history of suicide, 7. is giving their prized possessions away, 8. is suddenly very calm and self assured after a period of depression, 9. has a history of being an angry and impulsive person, 10. there are many more symptoms.

Never, ever say to someone, "oh just do it and get it over with." They could take your advice. Never dismiss the threat. Instead, call 911.

Do not stay in a relationship because of the threat of suicide. You must not allow yourself to be blackmailed. Call his family, 911, other friends, but, do not stay.

Sucide threat, when is it real and when is it just controlling? - - Jun 29th 2009

Lived with my X who was always talking about suicide, always threating as a tool of control. Never once tried. Is it true that those who threaten hardly ever do, it is the quiet ones, the ones with the unspoken words, that normally do?

I feel so bad for all of you, not just me. Since I was 14 I've been dealing with depression, and avoidant personality disorder. I'm 20 now. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, I feel like I'm just not good enough to be alive. I feel like my life is a burden on everyone else. I had my mind set on trying once, but after ten pills I got angry and scared, and threw the bottle. My friend found it and me later and called the ambulance, and now I'm fine. And although I still feel the same, I also now believe that there must be a reason I'm here. God or no God, if I'm alive, there's a reason for it. So I'm going to go the harder route, and start therapy.

After reading your comments something has arisen in me, which may sound crual. But all these people who want to kill theirself should have some courage and power to collect their mind and change their environment by simply leaving home. Go to a calm and green place where you can be totally alone and think everything over. Do not bring mobile phones, do not watch TV or listen to radio. Just be alone and think over if it is worth living or not. Note that you don't have to move back to your home, you can decide to stay there forever, even there is the possibility to kill yourself. But if you decide to go home, do not feel sorry about yourself anymore.

Life DOES suck. If I commit suicide, it'll be God's fault. What kind of a "loving God" would suddenly put hair on a pretty woman's face? I'm sick to death of this. I'm drinking again and it's God's fault. I have scars on my face from trying to get the ingrown hairs out. I can't take this anymore. Why was I even born?

I am 29. My domestic partner of 4 years has left me. The economy is poor, yes, but my skills are limited or unuseful. All the money I saved is used up after losing my apartment, I have moved back to my parents house as a burden to them. All of the schools I applied to rejected me. All of the jobs I apply to reject me. I have no cash and I dread using my credit card without a money flow. After a long time of working very hard for almost nothing, and then working very hard for absolutely nothing, I have become very lazy. My brain feels very heavy and lacking of any solutions. I started to think of killing myself, and now it seems more realistic knowing I don't need to slit my wrists or shoot myself. I could just go for a swim.

I want to kill myself as well. But if I had a child I absolutely would not. I would want to be there to make sure my child was raised to know as much as possible and experience every good thing he or she could. And bad. Bad feelings are a necessary part of life as well.

I have two "best friends." One of them is unreliable most of the time and all we do is argue, pretty much. The other is my roommate and the person I sleep with and...do everything with. He said I'm selfish. I've been crying pretty much nonstop for the past three days. He gets off work early every night but gets angry if I want to leave work early. He hangs out with other people, even though we're supposed to be hermits. He drinks with them even though he knows I like to drink with him. He doesn't invite me along or wait for me to get off work.

I think he's turned into a liar. And I think he had sex with someone else. We aren't dating, but we agreed if one of us had sex with someone else, we would tell the other. And he denies it.

I have no one. My roommate got mad at me because I was depressed. He said "Then why don't you change but whatever there's no reason to try and help, you'll just shoot it down."

He doesn't get it. He says *I'M* selfish, and yet I include him in everything I do and think of him all the time. I take care of him when he's sick or hurting. He doesn't think I'm depressed for a legitimate reason. We argued drunk once about depression. He said something like at least he had a reason to be depressed because things had happened in his life. MY DEPRESSION IS REAL. Whether you see any reason for it or not. I feel this way and it doesn't hurt any less than yours.

That for me is the question of the ages. I am 32 years old, I am single, I am not coping well with anything right now. I just wanna know does it ever get better? Does the hurt and the heartache ever go away? Does it always have to be a struggle just to survive. I often think that everything would be so much easier if I were not here. No more worrying about not having the money to pay the bills, no more missing my mother, no more of anything. Just peace. I just want it all to go away. I just want it all to go away.

I'm single,43 Asian Lady. Being single to me is lonely, sad and miserable. Colleague and Friends look me as weird person and keep on insulting me for my "single" status. I feel very left out and ever think of commit suicide. If times can rewind back to Year 1994, I will treasure the chance to know that guy who is my good friend's husband friend and if can get along with him, maybe I'm now married with few kids. At that time, I'm quiet, non-chatty and am not outgoing person. After knowing me just for a few days, he had called me out and wanting to celebrate my birthday but I had rejected him due to I had appointment with my friend. He called me few times but I ended the call soon as I did not know what to chat with him. I had gone out with him once but without eye contact as I feel very shy and do not know what to talk to him. I'm a very pessimistic person and did not really interact with him. Due to my so called "cool" and bad altitude, he thought I'm not interested in him and wanted to send me back after his meal. I remembered his car's tyre punctured and he told me to wait so that he could make a phone call to his brother for help. At that time, my mind was troubled with many family problems and my mind is not working, I'm so rude I just left without notifying him. Thereafter, he complained to my friend and gave up on me. Due to my mistakes, I did not have the guts and courage to ask my friend for his contact. I did call his office (working as a civil servant-Government Job)but not able to contact him as the department is too big and I did not know his sir name but only know his christian name. I had also sent him a greeting Chinese New Year Card to his office attention to his christian name and not knowing whether did the card reach him. I just simply gave up without trying to call my friend for his contact. Right now my tears is flowing out again......, Jason, if times can rewind back, do you give me "One More Chance"? I'm only awaken for my mistake after a few months and did mentioned to my friend about him. But she kept mum so I suspected that he might be attached. He got married in Year 1995 after meeting one lady only in half a year time. I felt heart pain and lost my weight from 44kg to 39kg and suffered from a long period of sadness.

Now, I live with regrets.........,without a happy family, my life is lonely,sadness and miserable. As years go by, I feel very down and always think of ending my life. I feel lost although I’m not mentally nor physically disabled. I just feel very lonely and admired those people who have a happy family. My sister who had suffered from depression had ended up her own life since 1998. I just feel like wanting to follow her step.

I tried once to kill myself.It would have worked if thay had not came home early from work. Thay got me to the hosp. just in time, I spent the next 4 mths. in the hosp. I just wished i had of died that day. That was 20 years ago and I have spent most of the last 20 years depressed, not happy, and not feeling loved. My kids and husband run all over me and dont think about how I feel or what I might want. Most of the time I just feel like dieing.... I know I need help but no one care of even notices that I am depressed.... What can I do.... help asap....

I have been having thoughts of suicide for most of my life. It is so difficult for me to even do simple healthy things like cleaning my apartment or paying my bills. I have a good job with benefits, I make decent money. I am constantly worried that I will lose my job and this leads to depression and hopelessness that only diminishes my performance. Sometimes I go out in the parking lot just to be out in the sun and I think about how pleasant it would be to die. I was at a doctor's appointment the other day and I thought about how nice it would be if I had terminal cancer. I could lie in bed and waste away. I am not afraid of the pain, I am no stranger to it. I feel that sooner or later something will come along that will be too much and I will have a reason to kill myself.

I hope there is no God and no one to judge me when I go. I hope that I do not burn in hell like the bible tells me I will. I hope that dying is just like going to sleep. I am oh so tired...

Life simply put sucks. At 47 I'm just flat fed up with everything. On the outside I guess my life looks normal. I've been employed with the same company for 18 years and have recently been offered the opportunity to purchase a portion of the company. Have been married for 28 years and have two kids. But honestly I've lived a lie for 28 years. I can't say I love my wife I just not the tyoe to look for a divorce. I can remember 22 years ago giving in when my wife wanted kids and I did not. My son went to college and decided drinking and parties were better than studies. I ended up with a grandson before my son turned 20. My daughter for lack of a better word can be a real bit*h and plans on being a school teacher. I would hate to have her for a teacher. My biggestest problem is I know these are my problems but I won't tell any of my family no. I feel the duty to give them everything and it's going to ruin me financially. Telling them how I feel makes me feel like a weak failure. I'm to the point there is nothing fun about life anymore. A few months ago a family friend got fed up and put a gun in is mouth and pulled the trigger. I wish I could find the power to do this and end it. Each day as I drive to work I look for a place to run a car off the road hoping it would kill me. Even with these thoughts I don't want my family yo be ashamed of how I die. They would be better off with the life insurance so it must be an accident. I've always understood lifes ups and downs but that does not mean I have to put up with the constant down. I've spoke to Doctors and no they don't seem interested in helping. So far all i get is "things will be better". Well I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired but can't sleep, I have not desire to do anything, i stay away from people as much as I can. After 47 years what is the use in living any longer in this crap?

Ive been looking at this forum, and it’s saddened me very much by what iv been reading, the pain, the greath and the desperation some of you are suffering seems so unfair. As one of Jehovah’s witnesses im not immune to this oppressive world that we live in, and I to in the past have had my share of trials and tribulations with mental health issues. Including depression and anxiety. The good news is, and its very very good news, is that were living in a time that the bible describes as the last days, iv been studying Gods word the bible for over 20 years now, and I’m absolutely convinced that this old world is about to pass away, and a new world is imminent, the bible says regarding this world, no resident will say I’m sick, and that includes depression. Hope is a wonderful thing, hang on in there you people who are suffering terribly at this time, all your trials will soon be over. Tony.

I think suicide is an indiviual decision. there are some of us who will not get better. But since no help in terma of a lethal drug are given. We just have to do the best we can to make sure our exit is final. I guess one has to decide for themsleves. This idea of keeping people hanging on with false hope is just BS.

I Have Suicidal Depression And Now I Went To Cutting - YumeSakina (ayla) - Apr 20th 2009

Suicidal! It's something that is always scaring me and it is always knocking at my door, I'm always so scared of MYSELF and what I am capable of, Killing! I trianed myself to kill, but never used the skill but on myself...I hung myself about 7 mouths ago it was when I was still living in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario now I'm back in my small town...(chapleau) I am always hurting inside and I know being suicidal is not helping I take meds for my suicidal depression/major depression I even have people to talk to but I can't open to anyone who talks to me about my depression cuz they all send me back to a hospital and I become even more depressed and crazy being in a hospital bed with nothing to do and justy doing DUM paper work all day THAT DOES NOT HELP it makes it worse for me cuz I have to think about what I have done and what I am doing! It drives me CRAZY so yes I starting cutting myself again I quit for 1 mouth and 2 weeks and I started again...*sigh* Cutting helps me get through everything and sing loudly sad song as I do it or just sing when there are a lot of people around...*sighs* I Can't Take It Anymore! But I have too many people that care but that's not what I'm looking for I WANT TO BE LOVED Held, Kissed, told that "I Love You" with so much feeling that I cry everything they say it! But That love doesn't happen to someone who looks like nothing is wrong and when she is sad they all yell at you at the top of their lungs...*sigh* Nevermind I Just Want HELP I Do not want to think of Dying everytime I'm scared or sad...depressed *sighs* Anyways I'd like some help I don't want to cut myself 10 times before I stop thinking about kill myself! !!!!HELP PLEASE!!!!

I am very sad and suicidal. I really have been trying to hang in there. I have called numerous psychiatrists and they either do not take my insurance or are so booked. I really need medication. My last Dr. went into a different field and have had no meds for 4 months. Primary Dr. will not prescribe them to me as she is not comfortable - out of field area. I found a therapist and she wants me in the hospital. Cannot go without family knowing (although I am an adult) and it would be awful if they knew. In the meantime I feel as though I am a walking dead person already without the relief it will feel. Not feeling like I can go to the hospital, which is what I need, not being able to get the meds I need, and feeling like this is not going to get better makes me feel like dying all that much more. I just feel bad for my family which has already been through a suicide (uncle). How can I possibly have them understand it is not their fault. What can I do in the meantime to help from doing this? I read a comment before about someone saying it is for attention. I really do not want the attention-just a way to cope.

Editor's Note: Hospitalization is often used as a way of getting someone onto a new medication regime. It is a chance for doctors to watch you closely as you take the new medications and make adjustments as necessary to help you succesfully tolerate the medications and to get the symptom relief you desire. It can also be a way to get hooked up with a new psychiatrist who can follow your case. It's understandable that you'd feel some shame if you are very depressed - there is a stigma attached to hospitalization, and when you are depressed, everything seems worse than it really is as well - but sometimes it is what you need - a crisis to pass through in order to help turn things around.

If you really cannot tolerate the idea of hospitalization, please share this emphatic wish with your therapist, who possibly can help you to connect with a psychiatrist without the need for hospitalization.

There is help available for you and the opportunity to feel much better than before. You aptly describe some of the symptoms of depression, perhaps Major Depression. Today, with medication and cognitive behavioral therapy people are able to fully recover and get on with full, happy and productive lives.

What I would like you to do is go to the health center of your Ivy league college and see one of their therapists. They will understand and work to help you. There are psychologists and a psychiatrist there. Why are they there? Because depression and possible suicide have reached epidemic proportions on our college campuses.

I understand that you feel ashamed but you are not alone and you are not the only one, not by any means. Go, get help. You are very young and obviously very bright with a great future ahead of you. Deal with this now by getting help and live the productive and happy life you deserve.

I'm a 19 year old college student at an ivy league school. Back in high school, I was one of the smart ones. I was never out going but shy and kept to myself most of the time. However, now I can't help feeling worthless. I wake up in the morning with no urge to get up and go to class. I spend days in my room thinking about the need to just end it all. I don't dare tell anyone about how I'm feeling because I don't think anyone would take it seriously and because I'm ashamed. I've started making plans of how I would do it and I'm starting to feel like I have no where to turn. I'm failing out of school, I'm tired all the time and I have no appetite. I can go days without eating or seeing anyone. I have the blinds in my room drawn so that it is dark. I normally consider myself a neat person, but over the past few weeks I have been living in the midst of clothing and old take out containers. I just don't know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed by everything....

first of all it does not matter what kind of attention people may be seeking, they all deserve it as human beings. some people may be stronger than others some may have more resources than others, no body should be told not to have feelings or be afraid to express them. i have some advise to anyone that is in an emotional state of hurt or severe anxiety. even though you may think your life is the worst it has ever been and everything sucks well then it is and does and by repeating this in your head, outloud, or on paper, listening to sad music it will be that way. sometimes feeling sad is good, it humbles a person and brings me to the secret cure for it... ready? it might be hard at first but it is easy, count your blessings, think of everything you do have no matter how small it seems, do you have life? the ability to use your senses, do you have food and clean water, are you warm at night? these things might be small but they are taken for granted-always know what you do have because i know someone out there is worse than you and would live in your spot without a thought. you are here for a reason. everyone has that feeling in there heart and head where they know there here for something but just dont know what- you know the feeling you get when you genuinely have helped someone and made someones day better--its that feeling you need to continue to pursue and i swear you will the happiest person and guess what when your energy is positive good things happen- just remember to be greatful for who you are and what you have and then all i ask is that you help someone else the same way!!!---thank you for your patients--have a wonderful day and life!!!!----drew

Pointless... - Bruce - Mar 13th 2009
All of you people who post here complaining about how you are going to commit suicide orwhy are just attention seeking. I'm not speaking as one against suicide just one who is against you people getting some sick pleasure out of the attention. If you want to kill yourself do it, don't talk about it. I have tried to commit suicide and even though I kept waking up afterward, there is no better feeling in the world than that moment of bliss right before it all goes black.

This is Dr. Schwartz responding to your post. It is very clear that you are in a lot of emotional pain and I am worried that you could be thinking about suicide. There are a number of things you can do to get help for yourself:

1. Go to the school psychologist or guidance couselor at your High School and let him or her know how depressed you feel and that you are feeling suicidal.

2. The local hospital emergency room could help you if you go and report to them that you are very depressed, scared and thinking about sucide. I know that this is a courageous thing to do but it sounds very serious to me and you need help. Tell them about your mother. Do this with the guidance counselor and school psychologist as well.

3. If there is any adult, family member or neighbor, you should speak to them and ask for help. They can take you to the hospital, speak to your mother and have her get you help if she will or take the necessary steps.

What you should NOT do is use drugs or alcohol because they will make you feel worse. I am not saying you do those things but just in case, you should know that.

Do noit wait. Probably, going to the guidance department in school is your best bet.

too many counselors that were sicker than me....AND IM OUTING THE F*CKERS RIGHT NOW.

IM 42 AND BURNED OUT COMPLETELY. ITS 4:19 AM GREW UP WITH BOTH PARENTS BEING ALCHOHOLICS......

make sure that you grow up learning to repress your feelings like a good american.

enjoy your time but im checking out. bye bye. i have had way way more than enough.

done with life - Rae - Mar 9th 2009
im a high schooler and i dont know what to do.my grades are falling fastly and my relationship is crappy.my mom is so disapointed in me she told me she diddent want me.my family is gone.i feel so alone.i cry everyday.i also have pains in my leg that have not been diagnosed.i went emo for awhile.people are saying that im stupid and dont really mean it.but i honestly do.please help me.give me advice that actually helps.

In a few months I'll be 24. Since age 19 I've been dealing with a severe chronic nerve pain disease that just gets worse and worse. I am permanently disabled and have pain constantly in almost all of my body. There is no cure and I'm beyond the point where the limited treatments do any good. Before when it was not in my back things were easier. I could at least lie down and my medications had reached a point where my resting pain was generally not so bad. But now my back is in pain all the time. There's no position I can be in that doesn't aggravate my pain and still it gets worse.

I've seen what suicide does to a family and I don't want to do that to mine. I love them so much and they're the only reason I've made it this far. But I can't deal with this pain. I'm already generally bed-ridden and alone most of the time. If I had terminal cancer they would accept that suicide before having to live through more and more pain was the best choice, but because it is not a terminal disease I'm expected to live my life in bed, getting progressively worse.

I want to talk to my family and ask if they'd please let me go, but I know how much it will hurt them. Whenever I'm with them I pretend to be happy, I try to 'fake it til I make it' but things just keep getting worse. I cry every day, I pray that when I fall asleep I won't wake up again, when I'm in a car I pray it will crash and I will die. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of pain, tired of having to be in bed all day, tired of having a sham of a life, tired of having everything I've loved taken from me. It's unfair of them to ask me to continue in this suffering.

what a load of sh*te once u get 2 this point in ur life & there is no point or future fuck it there is no god no after life or eternal punishment end it! l know l'm goin 2!

Jemma - you have just written everything that is going on in my head too. I am 21 and have had these feelings for 4 and a half years now. God I can't believe how similar I feel to what you have written.

Am thinking of you.. I wish I could say there is a way out of this, but I feel the same as you, I just don't know.

I am a 17 year old female living in England and currently in college. For the past 4 years I think I may have been suffering with depression, although I have not been diagnosed. I'm too scared to see my doctor as I am worried as to what he may think. I have my family, friends and yet I feel as though I do not belong with them. When I am at college and we are sat in the common room I prefer to sit quietly, mostly by reading a book. When I'm at home I lock myself away in my bedroom, and usually I will write things down as a way of 'coping' with my feelings - but none of it helps.

I almost always have suicide on my mind and don't know how to deal with it. I used to cut myself but when my parents found out I stopped because I felt as though I was shaming them and myself in the process. I find it difficult to talk face-to-face with people, prefering to write things down and talk that way, meaning I would be hopeless in therapy.

I'm easily irritated and there are some people which I just can't stand being in the same room with. I feel tired in my body and my mind. I feel like a failure, as though I've failed everyone around me by being 'me'. I feel as though I have no purpose and my future still seems like a lifetime away, even though it's literally just around the corner.

Going back to the having suicide on my mind, I am always thinking of new ways to kill myself, though never daring to carry out my plans. It sounds pathetic and it is. I can admit that. But do you want to know what's even more pathetic? I've often thought of attempting suicide and failing purposely as a 'cry for help'. But if I was to do that people would think tht I am a time waster for those who really do need help. People don't take it seriously, thinking that people with cancer and other life threatening diseases need all the attention. Ok, I'm not saying they shouldn't have treatment because their lives are definately worth saving. But why can people not spare some thought for those of us that feel out of control and have no way to deal with it on their own?

I once made an appointment to see my doctor for my mental health but at the last minute I decided to tell him it was for backache, which I do have and it is sometimes unbearable. He prescribed medication and I still have them as I couln't take them as they made me physically sick. I am often tempted to take these, either to really commit suicide or as a cry for help.

I don't know any other way to seek help without chickening out at the last minute like I did the first, and last, time I sought help. Someone help me please and son't just tell me to go to my doctor. He won't do anything to help because he's an insufferable snob who looks down on lesser people.

At age 25 you should not be feeling so hopeless that you want to end it all. Yes, it appears that you are in a tight situation. However, that should only mean that you have to become more creative in finding solutions. Just for example, you could declare personal bankruptcy. Now, I am not saying that is what you should do but it is one possibility. As far as having a "shitty job," I can only respond, "Yes, I am sure it it awful, but at least you have a job. You are one of the lucky ones." You have time on your side. Perhaps you need some counseling to help you get over your depression. You really have every reason to be hopeful about yourself and your future.

If Not For Them... - - Jan 27th 2009
I'm 25 years old, have a shitty job, buried in debt, and there's no relief in sight. If ever it were possible to see myself from someone else's eyes I'd wonder how pathetic I am to them. I want to end it but I'm too afraid to take pills and fail. I really hate throwing up. I'm pretty sure I won't even do that right.

Yes what you wrote is so true, I have both a nephew and brother who died bicause they were poor and had no health care insurance, no one , one cared at all , not even the major city health hospital he was in, he was left to die there, I was hundreds of miles away, listed as next of kin and no one ever called me,,,,,

health care fails americans - bs health care - Jan 20th 2009
US health care is only for the wealthy. not one place gives a rat's ass about you unless u have money.... the almighty dollar rules.. im an old man ready to die and the only reason i havent pulled the trigger is i don't want to waste anyones time if my attept fails.

I've sat here and read this document and comments and I know from person expirience, siucide is the only thing that will bring you to peace.

I'm your typical 16 year old. I have your daily vents and rambles any 16 year old would have about their parents, and their space, and hypocritical friends.

But I have it pretty good off, if I ever stopped to consider it. I have three amazing best friends, and a bunch of people that obsess over me and call me if they ever think I'm in an upset mood. Oh, and I have this boyfriend who'll get me whatever I want and do almost anything for me, and makes me feel special when he's with me.

I'm an only child, so I have parents that'll buy me anything, and do anything for me.

So, why is it that there are feverish deep gashes across my wrist, that I take four Advils to calm myself down from crying, and on occasion find a Nytol to get myself to sleep? Why is it that I feel so lost in life, and whenever I'm on the road, whether or not I'm alone, I feel like running out into the traffic just to end it all? Why, when I know that my life is decent, maybe even more so, in comparison to so many other lives? Why is it that I know I have amazing friends, and more than 10 friends who'd come to my side almost immediately, yet I still feel like I have nothing when I'm in bed at night?

Why do I pick at all the little things, how my parents fight, the debts I've caused, my selfishness that I feel whenever I express something I want or need, isolated when I feel I need people most, but I'm usually the one doing the isolating? Why do I constantly want to just kill myself, and why do I keep daydreaming about it?

So, my conclusion is that it's a phase. In my situation, it certainly must be. Other people have it worse or so off, and even they don't seem to be suicidal. I'm hoping it's all just a phase, and I don't follow any of my daydreams to end my life, because my life's just so f**king fabolous :).

I was acutely suicidal about six weeks ago. I mean had a plan, had a time set, etc. I got on some anonymous websites, and got some feedback...get help, it'll mess up your kids, yada yada. I was in a bad way, worst I've been in over a decade.

so, got through the immediate crisis, it took a couple weeks before I had the energy to "get help" and no one among my friends or family would help me "get help". But I made calls, endless calls, arranged for some therapy, etc.

then, after a few sessions, I find out my insurance won't pay a penny until I have paid 1000 bucks on mental health care for myself this year. Ok, I'll bite the bullet and do the right thing...then my daughter comes home pregnant, insurance won't pay at all, hospital tells us a normal birth and maternity care will cost 20K, we are not eligible for any aid.

so...no "help" for me..so I'm tired of all the "get help" shit, because my own medical insurance realizes something, they get off cheap if I kill myself, they have no incentive to pay a dime.

The way mental health issues are treated is a sad joke. Get help my eye. Yeah...tried that...now I'm back where I started but more angry, wish I'd have done it then, I'd be at peace now.

I need help right now but emergency room waits average about 4 to 6 hours - Jimmie Dee Jay - Dec 1st 2008

Even though I have had Crohns Desease for 26 years my life was great.I quickly learned to deal with it and I went on to live an above average life.I did a lot of travelling to las vegas many times I went to Spain, Florida and I even backpacked through the Greek islands.That is where my parents were born before moving up here in very cold and very boring Winnipeg Manitoba, Canada.

About 3 years ago everything came crashing down on me.All those years of heavy medication had finally caught up to me and all these terrible side effects were caustng major turmoil with all the electrolites in my blood for starters.I had 9 blood transfusions in 7 weeks, then something called polycondritis attacked my immune system.It actually eats away at all the cartlidge in your body until you get it under control with medication.By the time time we found the right med my ears had flopped over my nose was almost all caved in and so on and so on.

Then I find out I have to get shoulder replacement surgery because all the cartlidge was gone and my shoulder was bone on bone with my arm bone.I could feel the pain when I moved my arm but I did not think it was so bad but of course with me it is never easy.There are so many more similar things that have happened to me but I am running out of space.

And now people are wondering why I am so depressed.For almost 4 years I have been seeing a psychiotrist,have tried 4 different anti depressents and people say why do you want to end it all now/

Hurt - Brittany - Dec 1st 2008
I am 15 years old and i've been feeling really bad lately.I've been teased every since I was in kindergarten.Now that I am a sophmore in highschool I've been left out more than I ever have.I've had my heart broken so many times and I don't understand why.I recently just got rejected today by this boy that I've liked for a year and it hurts so bad.A couple of weeks ago I was going to swallow 6 pills in my basement but I spit it out.I thought I was getting better but I always end up sad again.I feel helpless.I have constant thoughts of suicide and cutting myself.A part of me wants to live but the other is tired of living.I just want to be happy like the other regular kids.

Please don't give up, read my comment listed below yours and see what suicide can do to a family. Our family has been torn apart, I would give up anything in the world to have my dad back...mind you I am a 33 year old married woman with two children of my own. I am having a very hard time not having my dad around, not sure of what to do with the holidays coming up. Please look for help, there are med's out there to help with your illness, do not leave your babies without their father. I came to this site prior to my father's suicide to find him help and have the ability to understand his world a little better, but unfortunately it was too late for him because had already given up...don't give up and find the help you need.

The kids deserve daddy. Daddy just needs help. There are planty of people, plenty of resources. You took a step here by writting. That alone is helpful. No one wishes for your death. And you shouldn't either. I would much rather of had a father, even if he was sick. Because at least then, I would have known he was there for me..

The world is not over. Your illness may be a key reason why your marriage is rocky. Maybe you need to get away and relax. Then go get some help. Help is a small trip away. If you don't try it, then you'll never know if it works. Push yourself further. You don't have anything else to do, right? Don't give up so soon. Please.

I don't even know you, and I feel for you. I know the end of the world feeling. When everything around you feels worthless. I am not diagnosed with Bipolar, but I'm sure I will be ten years form now.

I have suffered from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and many other mental problems since I was 14. I am now 29, married with two children and am accepting the reality that very very soon I will exit this unending mental, emotional and spiritual torture that I suffer through on a daily basis. I feel that I have crossed a point in my life where there is no turning back. I am so mentally and emotionally sick right now I do not know who I am anymore. I have 0 friends, I can never leave the house and my marraige is beyond rocky. I have become an overgrown burden on my wife and mother. I' d rather go now then to stay around another 5-10 years and see how badly my kids are affected by my sickness. They are young enough now that when I go, a year or two later I will have been erased from their memories. All I think of is death. I want to know it and be close to it. I feel that I cannot express my true state of mind. Nobody understands. My wife and mother want me to get some help but only I know within my soul that I have already died. There is no saving me, no hope left. The only hope I have is to remove myself from the lives of the very few who care for me so that I will no longer cause them pain. My children deserve a better life then what I can provide. One last Christmas with my kids and then I'll be gone!

I Miss You Daddy...and will never forget You - sad and confused daughter - Nov 22nd 2008

Please, don't give up...I lost my father five months ago next week to a very heavy depression with phsychotic features. He was 57 years old, dealing with mental problems for the past 23 years (that I know of). He refused to accept he had a mental problem, until last year in August when I was able to take him to a Mental Health Clinic for assistance. I can's say I know what he was going through because I have been fortunate to not experience his illness, but he has left us with a large dent in our hearts and we will never know why he did it or what trigered him to take his life and not think of all the people who care about him. His pain is gone, but our hearts will ache forever. A day does not go by that I don't think about him, pass the cemetery where his body lays to rest, and shed tears of sorrow for him. He was a very special man to me, always there when I needed him, gave me love unconditionally when he was not going through the stages of his illness. We were not able to recognize the severity of his mental illness because to us it was part of his personality, and he would soon get over it like he did several times before. It is a complete nightmate that we will never be able to understand, please find help...don't give up.

my mom want to commit suicide... how do help - on the verge of doing it. - Oct 22nd 2008

I am now a 29 year old woman who has had suicidal thoughts throughout my whole life. I tried once and did not succeed. The thought is still always in my mind but I never talk about it to ANYONE...

Now, I just learned that my mom, 54, wants to kill herself. She keeps saying things about it to my brother, sister and uncle and I am worried. She has alienated me from her life and I basically feel like I have aborted at age 29. She told me I dont know how to love and that I am not her daugher ( mind you, we used to be so close). All of a sudden she hates me and it putting all her anger out on me. She thinks I am siding with my dad and I repeat that there are no sides to be taken. Mind you, I have not spoke to my dad in montes. She is going through a bitter divorce from my father and is completely dillusional. SHe confuses love with money. She thinks no one is her for her, when we really are. She keeps pushing me away. She thinks if we give her money that is showing love, care and compassion. She is hooked to prescription meds, stopped going to work. Sleeps for 20 hours straight. She looks like she gained about 40 more pounds in the last month. Things do not look they will turn out well in this situation.

I seriously think my family has a major history of mental illness that is still not out in the open till this day.

Editor's Note: We have extensive information on how to help with suicidal crises in our suicide topic center which I hope you will look at. Specifically, you will want the helping a friend or family member chapter of that topic center, but the whole thing may be of use to you.

- KML - Oct 17th 2008
Hello to everyone , everywhere. Although I have never attempted to commit suicide,I had the thought run thru my mind many times,but realized I was to scared to go thru with it.I just wanted to tell everyone who has ever tried or even thought of suicide that IT IS NOT WORTH IT...I know from experience that life can be very tough.In my 26 years of life I have been thru very difficult situations,feeling very alone at times.I just recently lost my sis-in-law to suicide and I must say it is extremely difficult to cope with.She left many people who loved her lost, not knowing what to do without her ,including my three nephews and niece under the age of 10. When you are at that suicidal stage,PLEASE GET HELP.THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU WILL BE LEAVING BEHIND.Although you may be feeling as if there is nothing to live for or no one to love you,THERE IS.GOD blessed this world with your presence the day you were born,DON'T LET IT GO TO WASTE.Get the help that YOU need, so that you can be here for OTHERS going thru the same situation you once were in,that should be reason enough for you to be on this earth,living,breathing,taking it a day at a time,enjoying what life could offer.It's not all bad.The emptiness that is left to those who loose someone so tragically is devastating,so please consider it all before you make such a drastic and horrifying decision.YOU ARE WORTH SOO MUCH MORE THAN BEING 6 FEET UNDERGROUND..IT IS NOT YOUR TIME..TAKE CARE ALWAYS AND MUCH LOVE..

I was so down until I sat and spoke to an earth angel, thanks Joan for listening. I was feeling so lonely and felt that its time to go but may be there is someone somewhere who wants me to listen to them, I am so soft and warm hearted and easy to hurt, thats not good for a man to admit that but what the heck I am human. As for the sad story of the black lady please e-mail me (mcorke at tellumat dot com) if you would like to, just may be I am your angel. God bless you all tomorrow the sun will shine and around a corner an angel is waiting for you. Michael x x x

Im in a situation much like yours. If you like to chat, please cantact mr on my hidden e-mail tejoka@hotmail.com

If I hadnt read your note, Id gone for a while ago, but I thougth if you contact me, there is someone to live for. I can just tell you from my own experiense, leave you exwife, she will never change, and you cant change her behaviour, its up to her, and have you seen anything change?

Just a question, dont your kids need you? You remembered me of my sons, so write to me if you like. I will check this mail next week or so.

I am a 39 year old who has been dealing with depression for decades. Currently I am at a point in my life that I see no use in going on anymore. I am in constant severe pain all the time from a bad car wreck five years ago. I am on morphine in high doses just to try and get the pain down to a level I can actually function. But there are days I can hardly move. Then there is the wife who I have left just a year ago for a few months and then she talked me into moving back in and promised she would change for the good. So now everything is back to where it was before I left her. She is very verbaly abusive to me and the kids. Always yelling and never happy at home. My therapist is doing everthing but begging me to move out again but permanently but for some reason I am having trouble doing so. So with all of this I have pretty much decided I have had enough. You can only put up with so much crap. I lied to my therapist and told her today i would be ok and not to worry, but that is not the case anymore. I am done with the drinking just so I can feel numb. I am done with the crack and weed just so I can feel no pain. What I want to do I will feel no pain at all and then it will be over.

I have read through all the statements on this site and realized that there are so many people that feel just like I do for their own reasons. I am sorry to say I can not think of one thing to say to anyone of them to not go through with it. Why go through life hurting all the time? What exactly is out there that will make us happy... nothing...nothing at all. I actually tried to kill myself 12 years ago, I grabbed one of my rifle's and put a shell in it and put into my mouth and pulled the trigger and all that happend was a click. The damn shell didn't go off. It had a dent in the primer from the hammer but never went off. What kind of luck is that? Bad luck I tell you.

Well I am done writting and wish all of you good luck in whatever you decide to do, me I am done I need the pain to go away.

hey... well i'm sixteen,,, and i may not have been like other people here but i have been throught quite a lot..... i've been a cutter since i was 12 or 13 and i've tried suicide twice.. i failed of course cuz i;m still here.. i was reading the comments and wow... i thought i was the only one.. trust me eveyon e who's out there.. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING LIKE THIS. i looked for help and that didn;t help one bit.. but thing with me was that i focusedtoo much with everyones elses problems and forgot about me.. i have a tendency to put myself last.. i put everyones else in front of me.... i cared about me less.. i' sixteen and i'm a counselor yo many many many many people.. i've been through it all.. i'm my mom's counselor.. i'm all of my friends counselor... i don't judge for what you do or what you did.. i hear what you say,, what i did to get myself out of the suicidal thought was i thought of everyone else that loved me and if that didn't work... i would think of ways to make myself useful to this cruel world.. ways that i can help.. i want to do so much in this world but i have so little time to do it.. i don't have a sickness or anything but.. a lifetime is to small for me for everything that i want to do... well i have to go just please read this

im 27 years old and i spend every day alone in my apartment because im afraid of other people.

when i need to go out for groceries i put it off for days. then i spend nervous hours sweating in front of a mirror trying on different clothing to see what looks just right and nothing ever does. i used to look so beautiful.

when i walk down the street i look straight ahead, otherwise people walking the other way might look at me. sometimes i get hot flashes if someone looks at me. it is difficult to speak with people due to both fear and apathy, so i avoid people as much as possible.

sometimes i see other people outside my window who are all smiles and wonder why i dont enjoy my meaningless existence as much. i see no point to the life of any living thing but to procreate and continue life, and i refuse to be a pawn, a plaything, a thread in the shroud of such a world.

others speak of love when they dont realize why nature has left them emotional. others look to the supernatural to derive some notion of importance over the daily bland. others lose themselves in habits they then trade their finite days and nights to maintain. i used to be so beautiful.

my mental disorder set in during my early 20s, and although ive spent countless years researching i have not found any similar accounts online that fully encompassed the scope of my problems. perhaps this is because my mind has only scratched the surface of all that turned out bad in me.

i write this so that whatever might be gleaned from my disorder can be accounted for if anyone ever searches for it.

I am so unhappy with life and this existence!! - almost there - Sep 11th 2008

I'm a vilsibly attractive 29 year old black woman. On the outside, i have the perfect life, two beautiful children, job, school, husband...the works. Only thing is ..... I am so unhappy with life and this existence!! I question"What is it all for? Why try to achieve in this life when we're all going to die anyway.

I hate being pretty because I am always defending who I am and never being seen for my wonderful personality. I love people and life and I love beautiful things. I don't understand why God put me here to suffer in this miserable, unhappy world full of sin and extreme competition. I am always smiling and cheering people up, I'm a Gemini, but I can never find my own true happiness.

My husband married me because of my looks and sexual nature, but now he's watching porn on the internet all the time, he's chatting with these exotic women and lord know's what else. I think that maybe he sees me as one of those women on the screen, but I"M NOT! I have a soft heart and it's been broken so many times. God, please take me back home. I don't like being here and I don't belong. I tried suicide twice before and had to be rushed to the hospital. They should have left me at home. Next time....I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.

Things have been going wrong for a long while and I was sexually harrased and I had enough and finally got the courage to do something about it as I had been telling my bosses for years and they did not care. Well I told my husband and thing just all happened we going to court with my company and the guy but everyone talks about me like I did something wrong! Lately I feel im going crazy and no one knows but me and no one is going to help me.

I have 2 kids and they my life and I would never leave them in this cruel world but the other day I dont know what happened I just know I could not take it and woke up and had drank 20 sleeping pills and slit my wrist. It was quite bad and I never thought I would do something like that especially because my brother committed suicide and I know how u hurt the people around you.

I am in South Africa and wonder who helps people like me.................what if i get so upset aagin and really kill myself what about my babies? I have told my mother and my husband knows as he found me and my inlaws know but its like no one sees that I am not ok that I am cracking. ANyone know what i should do? I am seeing a srink at the state hospital but she just upped anti depo pills i told her were not wroking.

i have tried to kill myself numerous times. each time i fail. now i have a daughter to deal with and an annoying husband. i wish there was some way i could go back in time and stop everyone from trying to help me. if i was dead then i wouldn't be feeling this way again.

my husband constantly threatens to leave me and take my daughter if i even cut again. the only thing is if i cut then i'm less likely to purchase a gun. each time i've tried to kill myself it seems to get more and more lethal. i guess i'm just tired of not succeeding.

wish me luck. maybe i'll finally succeed and get out of this miserable existence.

i have three weeks til due date and have every intention of killing myself once the baby is born. the baby will have plenty of family and support, and i cannot see how it can miss a mother it never knew.

this pain is overwhelming and i have experienced pain like it many times in my life. i am weary and burnt out. i have nothing left to give.

Editor's Note: As you are pregnant, you are almost certainly under the care of doctors at this time. Please tell them that you are feeling suicidal so that they can help you. Depression at the time of birth of a baby is fairly common, and can in most cases be treated so that these feelings lessen or go away entirely. Your baby will be far poorer without you in her life then s/he will if you are there to help raise her and take care of her. This is true whether you are depressed or not.

i'm supposed to be the tough girl.i don't want to care about what other people say about me or all the nasty looks i get day in and day out.and i really (really) don't want to sound like some whiny little suicidal kid.but when i really think about it theres no one who even gives a toss about me.

it's all because of him,really,honestly.i was his best friend.and he dumped me so quickly.he gave me this fake excuse as to why he can't hang with me anymore.i am the only one who knows he's gay.and the only one who can accept it.he used to confide in me,all his dreadful secrets and i did the same with him.he was my everything.now he's hanging with all these fake people and he's just so fake.it sickens me.

i hate it because theres absolutely nothing i can do.i have no other friends.my mum reminds me how much she hates me everyday.everyone hates me.new rumors are spread about me every 10 minutes.i dont see any point in liveing really.sometimes i think better of it.i long to tell people about everything and to come out of this alive.i want to prove everyone wrong and just throw it in their face.all i really want is to be loved i guess.i really despise admitting this.i want someone to sulk with so i dont feel so alone.you know the other day i called 1-800-Suicide and they hung up on me cause i "was lying".they didn't beleive me,that i was gonna kill myself at that very moment when i very much was.i was about to slit my throat when i glanced down and saw the book running with scissors by augusten burroughs.i dropped the knife.if he can survive then maybe i can,too?

WHen i was 11 years old i came to the united states and everything in my life was great...i was really love by my family and i have great friends. Even though my mom and my dad were not together anymore i was still doing ok with my self. When i was eleven i never took my time to think about life and all the posible problems... i was just enjoying it. I went through 3 years of middle school with great friends and my family was great...by then, it was me my sister and my mom living in a 2 bedroom apartment.

at begining of my freshman year we bought our own house. growing up i was always not talking..just observing things around me and the people..

i was scared of dissapointing my mom and dad and the rest of my family who talks ceaselessly of how good of a kid i was.

to make a long story short..when i was in 10th grade a rumor passed around the school telling everyone that i was gay....which wasn't true at all...all my friends started to look at me funny and by the end of the school year everyone in the school knew about it. ..I was a really skinny kid..sighns of weekness...for a black kid, i was really WHITE.

I it was really painful to watch everyone eating with their friends at lunch and I just sat there just watching everyone else eating. I was all olone by myself.

I fall for the wrong person...it was a way i never felt in my lilfe before..everything about her was perfect...her size, smile, laughter..the smell of her skin..ther wass nothing about her i did not like.

she was the onlything in my life...know that The summer was almost over and i wouldn't see her as often anymore killed me. I couldn't eat or sleep right...i was wondering if she was talking to some oher guy...or was I fogotte.

til this day..I my heart beats hard when i hear her voice.., i become weak when she talks to other dudess,if she would ever mention some other guy that would perhaps give me a head ach for 2 days or so..

depression - - Jul 22nd 2008
I understand the person who says that some people seem to be considered more worth saving than others. Resources seem to be concentrated on the young and there is nothing much for others who dont seem to be valued as much ie like me middle aged and ugly. people like us we are fobbed off and left to our own resources. If we are then forced to rely on ourselves then we make the decision which seems right to us whatever it is. I totally understand your thinking. You are not alone in your thoughts.

I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep feeling like this. Nothing works out for me and I'm really just so tired of trying. I'm fat, even though I've lost 100 lbs, I'm still too fat to be considered attractive and at age 35, never had a relationship or a partner. I've tried having better self esteem, which feels like a farce since there are lot of thin people with no self esteem who are in relationships with people who seem to like them. I have a nice job, friends, I guess and an advanced degree, but I'm really lonely. Don't tell me to contact 911 or get help. I live in a small rural community and there is no way for me to seek help that will be kept confidential. I'm too visible in the community because of its demographic nature and I don't feel safe talking to my doctor, who is a bit of jerk and doesn't really care about me anyway. Not that anyone does. I don't know why I'm even writing this. I just wish I had the courage to do it and be done with it. I don't think there's hope or help. I've been in therapy and my therapist was a total insensitive loser. I think it's better if I just die.

the pain you feel i know what you mean.. sometimes life gets to much but heh.. ive isolated myself in life filled with anger against everyone and they all think im gonna bring a gun to school makes me laugh... how f*cking ignorant they are

I really don't know what to do. Everything i seem to do..I fail at. Its almost as if i've been put on this planet to fail. This makes me feel like i'm worthless, useless and have no true meaning. I know i'm only 16 but its like all my friends know that they want to be when they're older then you have me...I just go along with whatever because i don't think i'm even going to be around that much longer because i dont see the point be me being around long enough to have a career just so i can once again fail at it. Failing so much at pretty much everything i do gets me really fustrated and angry then i get suicidal and try to find any means possible to get out of it...buty i just cant. Sometimes its around for the rest of the day other times everything is still around for a few days and it often increase my paranoia and the halucinations i have get worse. All i want to do is what they seem to tell me to....kill myself. I know it may not be real..but at the time it feels like its reality..almost like its the only thing i should obey. I just wish i knew how to get out of it all because i'm really not coping well anymore.

Editor's Note: I hope you are under the care of a psychiatrist, as you would appear to be dealing with a rather serious depression with psychotic features, or something similar. This kind of condition really requires medical care; there are medications that can reduce the hallucinations and help the depressive feelings to remit. You have not talked about whether you are being treated for your condition, but if you aren't, please do what you can to get yourself to a psychiatrist.

I really dont know if i should keep living.. im worthless i have no feelings and im starting to be overwhelmed in emotional pain.. When my family is hurt all i do is go to my room and ignore everyone calls me worthless because i dont care and ill be a failure.. Of course i care but none understands... I should just end it then i wont have to deal with this pain ive locked up... what do i do...

Im 16 about to be 17 and my life is going down and im not sure what to do my friends just use me but Im still hanging out with them and i even hate myself more then them and my mom and dad split up and my dad never talks to me so i really dont care about him but lately ive become very depressed ive isolated myself in my room from everyone im doing horrible in school because i really dont give a damn about my life anymore none is helping me even though ive given out clues for any help at all so i dont care.

...that suicidal thoughts and behavior are almost always couched in terms of what it would mean to those you leave behind? I didn't ask for this life. You know what? Screw the kids, the ex-wife, the friends who are always too busy, and the fiancee who is too immersed in fucking a series of other men so she can "find herself". It becomes readily apparent that with a Potato-Head in the White House waging a war so he can get into the history books, with a society that delights in the misery of others in the name of entertainment, and with employers who expect total loyalty but give none in return, this life is a cesspool.

Drugs...sure, let us keep people from despair by putting them on a course of life-long poison. Only, what happens when you find yourself suddenly without a job and hence no insurance to pay the $60 a pill? Even if you manage to maintain the addiction, you will be on it for life. No thanks; there's no dignity in keeping yourself alive so you can make some pharmacuetical company wealthy.

Seeking help...do you know what happens when you go to the emergency room for despair? When they finally get around to you, they first try to determine if the three hour wait in the lobby helped to dispel the urges. If not, you will be treated as the biggest inconvenience to their day. They need the bed for someone else, and here you are occupying it. If they ship you off to a mental health facility, you are warehoused in a ward with every drooling, pathetic bozo out of a cheap movie. There is no help here, only more indignity. By seeking help, you are immediately rendered without rights, and without representation.

I believe somehow I have been predisposed to suicide. It runs in my family(2 of them) and so does depression. Even my husband and his family are all depressed and has had two suicides in his family. You would think he would understand me and try to support and help me but he just is over it. He has to be one of the strongest contributing factors to me feeling so alone and hopeless yet he is good with that.

I wish I had the strength to do one thing or another but I don't. I am physically weak to the point I can barely think. All I want to do is go to sleep. I am so alone with all of my thoughts but there is just nothing I can do to change any of it. I feel like I am physically and literally trapped in Hell. The real Hell.

I would like to get help if I thought I could. The doctors that I have seen just himhaw and guffaw at me. It is so dehumanizing. To reach out and talk to anyone in my family would be shameful and embarrassing if I were to see/talk to them again. So what to do? I can totally understand why my mother killed herself when she was just 26 years old and I wasn't quite 2. When you have chronic pain and no one cares you do what you think is right for yourself. As for the other suicides - I totally get them too. Sometimes it's just all too much to take.

I would like to leave with one parting word for the doctors out there - try to be a little more compassionate with your patients. Sometimes they just need someone to understand how they're feeling and a little help can go a long way. Isn't that why you got into the profession? More than just fixing broken bones. We are more than just a physical body. Dig a little deeper sometimes.

thank you very much, i've been to the doctor who sent me to the hospital, so i'm on my way to gettin help, thenk you again xox

always help - lisa - May 16th 2008
There is always help but sometimes we dont know how to ask. Everybody wants to fell needed in some way.When you think your not good enough because you didnt finish school or dropped out in yr 9.Well I dropped out in yr 9 but I went to tafe later in life and became a chef which I find very rewarding.Always believe in yourself that is the first step in the right direction.Pick up a book you never thought you would read.Life is to short to waste it.Stop thinking suicide THE ONLY PEOPLE YOU HURT THERE ARE YOUR FAMILY OR CLOSEST FRIENDS WHO HAVE THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TO THINK WHERE DID WE GO WRONG .JUST ENJOY LIFE AS MUCH AS U CAN ENJOY.

i'm 16yrs old girl, i've thought about killin myself for about 6yrs now, i feel like i was born with this feelin. when i was 12 i was sleepin next to a paedophile every friday and satuarday night, dont ask how it happened. soon after relising she was a peadophile i discovered i was totally infatuated and inlove with this 38yrs old woman. all my life i have been bullied at school, been to 6 schools didn't finish yrs 9 but went back for yrs 10. my life started gr8 i was a happy kid, with a great sport (horse riding) and a great horse, i won state at 13 and won twice at the biggest one day event in victoria when i was 10 and 11, so i've been very good and had alot of success at my sport. the day my world turn to hell when i was about 10 and my dad cheeted on my mum for the first and last time in there 18yrs marrige. his girlfriend the worlds worst person in the world, the first person to changemy world of gold to a world of hell. when i was 15 and 16 i was muckin around with a girl who was mentaly fuckin me over and i was physical doin things with her, 21yrs guess she's a bit of a peado to, after endin things with her thanks to mum i soon relised i was totally in love with her too.after havin your heart rippet out and stomped on by 2 people i finally started going out with my best friend who treats me better than i've evr been treated but the only problem with that is that when it all fuks up who can i turn to... i work ridin race horses so i get up at 2.15 in the mornin to start work an hour away at 4, its a death wish, the horses r nuts, it doesnt matter how gooder rider u r they'll get u of one day, i fell of 3 times in 1 week. i recently just fell of and had to go to hospiatl but the prob is i pass out with needles, totally grosed out by blood and veins and well my hole body, so passin out the hole time in hospital probable makes my job a little harder considerin we get paid so much cause we'll prob end up in hospital. every night before i go to sleep i wish i was dead. i've had to many panadole tryin to kill myself but didn't work (as u can tell i'm not the smartest cooki or a good speller or anythin) really all i can do is ride a horse. i've sat next to train tracks for a hole day and then got told by my 21yrs friend whom by the way has a boyfriend that i was to gutless to kill myself, sometimes i think she's right but then sometimes i think i'm waitin for the right opitunity and the first time i really try somethin i'm gonna do it properly. i've planned how i wanna kill myself its just where. i dont know what to do, this is only a bit of my life i wish i could make sense of the rest.

Many of us find that life just sux, but still you're so caring and doing your best to keep a positive attitude.Thats really admirable. Please don't push yourself too much and take care. Hope you'll feel better some day soon.
I, too, have always been thinking that I'm just a bloody pain not only for my the-rapists but also for my loved ones and anybody around me. To me the thoughts about death is extremely relieving, and I don't really understand why lots of people seek for good-health and long-living... And me too often wish that there's a kinda magic button, but mine will not be so forward-looking one but just "quite" button

Why am I always thinking of suicide - Rhonda Sundown - May 14th 2008
Hi all. Again here I set at the computer, I am having difficulty trying to fall asleep and actually do not fill like even taking some meds that might help me fall to sleep. I just went to my therapist today and again I leave her office thinking I am a burden and I should not be here. The thoughts of how to take my life are flooding my head. I have tried numerous times and I always seem to fail. I am a true failure, I have failed at being a mom, wife, employee and patient. I wish there was a button I could push that would make the suicide feelings leave my head and bring me some happiness. Well I think I will again try to relax and fall asleep and if I am lucky I will not wake-up in the morning. I know wishful thinking. For all those that do think alot about suicide I truely feel for you. It would nice if we could just push a button that take care of all our problems.

to author of "Placebo" - - Apr 18th 2008
I understand where you are coming from and totally agree....

I am now 25 and my birthday is in may. I have so many things including cutting my wrists, arms, and legsand overdosed countless times. It started when I was about 15 with the cuttingand when I was 17 it got really bad and my best friend found out and I still don't know how to this day and she will never tell me, but she told authorities and the principal and the 2 councelors sent me to see a shrink. that was a waste of time because i was there for about a half hour and then she asked me the question "Do you promise to never do this again?" that told me that when I said yes and she believed me which she did, that she never had a clue as to what she was dealing with there. that afternoon I cut and I felt better in a way that I could not exsplain to anyone else. At the time I was trying to get out of a relationship with an abusive boyfriend of 5 years. i couldn't take it anymore and I was taking it out on my arms and legs.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I was raped when I ws 18 my senior year on valentines morn and it was by my best friends twin brother. I started shortly after to do the overdosing act. Since then, I had overdosed for what I belived was a good reason almost 1 1/2 years ago and found out that what I thought was a great time of floating and no pain, resulted in my fiannce being the most inconciderate ass in the world because he never even asked WHY I had done it. Just told me I was a stupid F******* idiot for doing and to deal with it. i had tried to call the hospital and could hold the phone or dial. I remebered that I had speed dial and so I hit a number to a friend that I knew would just be there to at least make sure I wasn't going to die sonce the hospital said they couldn't really do anything but give me IV at that point. I was so sick and never told the local hospital who I was, where i was, and blocked my call, but called the next day to tell them I was still alive and they were concerned because they wanted to send someone after me. I found out later that I had overdosed so badly that the chances of someone surviving that much of the med was nearly unheard of and the fiannce relized that he should have taken the situation on differently.

I am not with that man anymore but have moved on and am with the one that was there for me and the best part is, we communicate better than we ever have. He understands that with bipolar, you think of some of the worst things ever, and it can be absolutly grusome to every detail and be so unheard of ever being truly done, but if you can talk to someone about everything going on each day, and they really care for you, that you will most definatly get through it and not go through with it.

The answer to your question is "NO, You should not commit suicide. You are very young and need to learn a lot more about love, romance, sexuality and hope. Perhaps this other girl is not a lesbian or perhaps she does not know how you love her or perhaps there are a dozen other explanations for her behavior. What you must realize and understand is that there are other people to love, that there is always tomorrow, that there is always hope. I want to urge you to get into psychotherapy immediately. BUT, if you are really suicidal, with a plan to hurt your self, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM OF THE NEAREST HOSPITAL, TELL THEM YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL AND ALLOW THEM TO HELP YOU.

I Need Help - I Need Help - Apr 13th 2008
I'm a young girl who wants to commite sucide really badly. I've had this friend ( a girl ) for 3years now. About a year ago I started to have feelings for her. I think then I fell in love with her. I couldn't stop thinking about her, she became all I ever thought about. All I ever wanna do now is be with her but with no one else there with us. I started hanging out with her more and became even more in love with her. Whenever I see her hanging with other people, I get jealous and angry and upset. About 6 months after falling in love with her my whole world collapsed. She started hanging out with other people and completely forgot about me. I think I'm annoying to her now because she seems like she hates me and she never wants me there. I know sometimes friends grow apart but I never wanna grow apart from her, she became my whole world, the whole reason I lived, and the only reason to live. I was more concentrated on her then anyone or anything else in the world. I didn't care for anything or anyone but her. I lost all my friends because I ignored them and spent more time on trying to be with her or thinking about her. She just doesn't want to be with me anymore and she finds it annoying when I'm around especially when we are somehow together alone. I can't get her back to liking me again, there's no way it's possible and I can't afford to make things worse if I try. Everytime She walks away from me or when I see her having fun with somebody else, I just want to die. Things will never be like they use to and I can't stand that. I can't stand not being with her or her hating me like this. There's no point in living anymore, she hates me, all of my other friends hate me, I'm doing worse in school, I'm doing worse in sports, and I've been eating less and worked my way into " starvation mode ". This has been going on for about 7-8 months. I dont wanna live anymore because there's no point if it means not having her. I know that I should forget about her and start with someone else but I don't want anyone else because I can never love anyone else the way I love her and no matter what I'll never stop loving her. Should I kill myself? What should I do?

Stay Alive a Day at a Time - Survivor - Mar 20th 2008
I've had experience over the years regarding suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. What saved me several years ago (and prompted me to finally get the help I needed) was an e-Book called "The Forever Decision". It's primarily aimed at young people, but it speaks to all ages. Read it everyday. Follow it's advice. It will help you see that suicide is NOT the answer. LIFE is the answer. It will get you through the day, one day at a time, until you finally realize you want to live. The e-book can be found at www.qprinstitute.com/forever.htm. It's free, and a source of comfort, no matter what your age.

The quality of my life seems (and is) low... - Andy - Mar 10th 2008
My thoughts very much eco Placebo's. If I kill myself, it will be a rational, and even an affirmative act to end the indignity of repeatedly asking - no, begging for appropriate help when in a state of suicidal despair, only to find that help is not forthcoming. I say this as someone diagnosed with a major psychiatric illness (manic-depression) which has an extremely high incidence of suicide. I am convinced that the only way I might be listened to about my suicidal urges would be if I took a non-fatal drug overdose as a cry for help. This I refuse to do. I am increasingly feeling that I would rather die by my own hand than struggle on in an impaired state without true support from those who should be helping me. I am very isolated now, and I don't see any prospect of that changing. My family are all dead and I am without friends (Ionce had many). I am tired of accounting for my sickness and unhappiness to people who don't know me and can't pretend to understand. All in all the quality of my life seems so low and the prognosis so bleak, that the only thing I now derive any comfort from is the fact that perhaps the one meaningful self-determined act left to me is to take my own life.

Please email me at paymonm@aol.com. This isn't necessarily an offer of help, and I can't promise any hope. I feel what you wrote is very true, though only in this current time and culture (mainstream U.S. white culture). I am a 35y.o. physical therapist currently on disability while getting chemotherapy and other treatments for colon disease. I am also a writer, and my first college degree was in English from UC Berkeley, with my associates degree in history from SCC. My current research and writing on modern day American culture (contrasted with older cultures) involves many of the sentiments you expressed. I promise I won't exploit your problems or privacy, nor will I preach or offer unwanted help. The marginalization you experience doesn't sound like a reflection of your actual worth (definitely not entirely). You sound like an intelligent person with healthy emotional needs living during a very historically rare time and place where/when society is organized in the best way to serve the economy, rather than the economy being organized in the best way to serve society (the economy is also extremely monopolized, but this has happened before, usually leading to a revolution). None of the traditions that structured society to meet people's emotional needs throughout most of historically stable times and places exist today. I'll give you a few examples. Hopefully you will understand these and write me. There are no places , usually in the geographical center of populations, where people congregate around to see each other, interact socially, worship, trade, meet new people to date,, etc. (In my mother's country overseas, food is still bought daily in the small markets in each town.) There are no proven traditions that unify people, provide wisdom, and, again, bring people together (American Indian tradition was lost, and, with a few exceptions, immigrants lose their culture within 2 generations.) American culture is really a lack of culture rather than an accumulation of cultures. Those who hold on to their cultures are viewed with some resentment. The millenium old tradition of living with family, which helps individuals pool economic resources and offer each other emotional support, is looked down upon! Instead, youth rent small studios, giving landlords money that could have gone back into the family and towards new marriages. This leaves people single into their 40s, parents, especially widows/widowers, living alone, leading to accelerated loss of faculty from isolation, instead of sources of wisdom and stability. Furthermore, all these phenomenon which lead to depression, isolation, weakening of families, weakening of (non government) institutions, economic insecurity, fear etc, are encouraged , and ultimately lead to a reliance on government for protection, subsistence/ insufficient health care, Medicare, etc. Please email me, and let me know your gender, nationality/ cultural background, age, and general geographic area you were born and currently live (US: northeast, southwest, deep south, west coast, midwest, etc.). You can help me gain greater insight into these issues by at least answering those few simple questions; hopefully you will be helped as well by understanding the basis of some of your feelings. If you want, we can correspond past just a single email, and I can share some of my findings with you.

I have been depressed for many years and suicidal for the past four. From my perspective help only exist for individuals that society considers worth saving. My feelings died a long time ago which allows me to talk about this subject without emotion. If I take my life it will be done privately and in extreme seclusion, because of this society is indifferent about my existence.

What bothers me is not that I am considered expendable but that Mental Health advertisements do not qualify the type of individuals they are interested in helping. When someone like me seeks help only to find that I don't qualify it is like dangling a steak in front of a starving dog. It actually increases stress and depression.

Your web-site should say something like "If you are depressed and you you are worth saving please read on. If you are a single loner, unattractive, below average intelligence and financially corrupt please leave our web-site immediately but God bless"

Sounds funny perhaps but mental help is really just a placebo if you do not have anything to offer society.

I think that people like me should die, afterall we are consuming resources that desirable people could be using. But there is no respectful way of doing it so I endure each day hoping that something will happen to end it. It would be much smarter for society to distribute leathal dose of drugs to people like me.

This posting is not a request for help because I do not believe help exist, rather it is just an expression of my frustration. What do I think will happen from this postings creation? Well Nothing -- someone may read it afterwhich it will be immediately disqualified and then discarded as garbage.

Someone will trace this message by ip address to my Email account and then encourage me to get help which is of course in my view a waste of time. Society just can't admit to itself that it is ok with some type of people to die.

i I HAVE TRIED TO COMMIT SUCIDE LOTS OF TIMES BECAUSE I COULD NOT COPE EACH TIME I WAS SAVED. YOU CAN TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND WITH HELP ,BUT BE PATIENCE IT WILL HAPPEN