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Abuse Reporting Resources

Kathryn Patricelli, MA Updated: Dec 15th 2005

Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-HOPE.
Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline for free, confidential counseling, 24 hours a day:

Elder Abuse: 1-800-677-1116
Call the National Eldercare locator service to locate the appropriate agency within your state to report elder abuse

Child Abuse:

Each state designates specific agencies to receive and investigate reports of suspected child abuse and neglect. Typically, this responsibility is carried out by child protective services (CPS) within a Department of Social Services, Department of Human Resources, or Division of Family and Children Services. In some States, police departments may also receive reports of child abuse or neglect. For more information or assistance with reporting, please call Childhelp USA ®, 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453), or your local CPS agency.

In most cases, the toll-free numbers listed below are only accessible from within the State listed. If calling from out-of-State, use the local (toll) number listed or call Childhelp USA® for assistance. Also listed below are links to State websites, which can provide additional information.

Alabama
Local (toll): (334) 242-9500
Website

Alaska
Toll-Free: (800) 478-4444
Website

Arizona
Toll-Free: (888) SOS-CHILD (888-767-2445)
Website

Arkansas
Toll-Free: (800) 482-5964
Website

California
Local (toll): (916) 445-2771
Website

Colorado
Website
Contact local agency or Childhelp USA (toll-free, 1-800-422-4453; TDD, 1-800-222-4453) for assistance.

Connecticut
TDD: (800) 624-5518
Toll-Free: (800) 842-2288
Website

Delaware
Toll-Free: (800) 292-9582
Local (toll): (302) 577-6550
Website

District of Columbia
Toll-Free: (877) 671-SAFE (877-671-7233)
Local (toll): (202) 671-7233
Website

Florida
Toll-Free: (800) 96-ABUSE (800-962-2873)
Website

Georgia
Website
Contact local agency or Childhelp USA (toll-free, 1-800-422-4453; TDD, 1-800-222-4453) for assistance.

Hawaii
Website
Contact local agency or Childhelp USA (toll-free, 1-800-422-4453; TDD, 1-800-222-4453) for assistance.

Idaho
Toll-Free: (800) 926-2588
Website

Illinois
Toll-Free: (800) 252-2873
Local (toll): (217) 785-4020
Website
Indiana
Toll-Free: (800) 800-5556
Website

Iowa
Toll-Free: (800) 362-2178
Local (toll): (515) 281-3240
Website

Kansas
Toll-Free: (800) 922-5330
Local (toll): (785) 296-0044
Website

Kentucky
Toll-Free: (800) 752-6200
Local (toll): (502) 595-4550
Website

Louisiana
Local (toll): (225) 342-6832
Website

Maine
Toll-Free: (800) 452-1999
Local (toll): (207) 287-2983
Website

Maryland
Toll-Free: (800) 332-6347
Website

Massachusetts
Toll-Free: (800) 792-5200
Local (toll): (617) 232-4882
Website

Michigan
Toll-Free: (800) 942-4357
Local (toll): (517) 373-3572
Website

Minnesota
Local (toll): (651) 291-0211
Website

Mississippi
Toll-Free: (800) 222-8000
Local (toll): (601) 359-4991
Website

Missouri
Toll-Free: (800) 392-3738
Local (toll): (573) 751-3448
Website

Montana
Toll-Free: (866) 820-KIDS (866-820-5437)
Local (toll): (406) 444-5900
Website

Nebraska
Toll-Free: (800) 652-1999
Local (toll): (402) 595-1324
Website

Nevada
Toll-Free: (800) 992-5757
Local (toll): (775) 684-4400
Website

New Hampshire
Toll-Free: (800) 894-5533
Local (toll): (603) 271-6556
Website

New Jersey
TTY: (800) 835-5510
Toll-Free: (877) NJ ABUSE -- (877) 652-2873
Website

New Mexico
Toll-Free: (800) 797-3260
Local (toll): (505) 841-6100
Website

New York
TDD: (800) 369-2437
Toll-Free: (800) 342-3720
Local (toll): (518) 474-8740
Website

North Carolina
Website
Contact local agency or Childhelp USA (toll-free, 1-800-422-4453; TDD, 1-800-222-4453) for assistance.

North Dakota
Local (toll): (701) 328-2316
Website

Ohio
Website
Contact local agency or Childhelp USA (toll-free, 1-800-422-4453; TDD, 1-800-222-4453) for assistance.

Oklahoma
Toll-Free: (800) 522-3511
Website

Oregon
TDD: (503) 378-5414
Toll-Free: (800) 854-3508; Ext. 2402
Local (toll): (503) 378-6704
Website

Pennsylvania
Toll-Free: (800) 932-0313
Local (toll): (717) 783-8744
Website

Rhode Island
Toll-Free: (800) RI-CHILD (800-742-4453)
Website

South Carolina
Local (toll): (803) 898-7318
Website

South Dakota
Local (toll): (605) 773-3227
Website

Tennessee
Toll-Free: (877) 237-0004
Website

Texas
Toll-Free: (800) 252-5400
After hours: (512) 832-2020
Local (toll): (512) 834-3784
Website

Utah
Toll-Free: (800) 678-9399
Website

Vermont
Toll-Free: (800) 649-5285
After hours: (802) 863-7533
Website

Virginia
Toll-Free: (800) 552-7096
Local (toll): (804) 786-8536
Website

Washington
Toll-Free: (866) END-HARM (866-363-4276)
Website

West Virginia
Toll-Free: (800) 352-6513
Website

Wisconsin
Local (toll): (608) 266-3036
Website

Wyoming
Website
Contact local agency or Childhelp USA (toll-free, 1-800-422-4453; TDD, 1-800-222-4453) for assistance.

This information was published in November 2003 by the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect.

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THe lover can be an abuser too - - Jan 26th 2010

I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years with a man that was not even seriously committed to me, but I constantly used to go back to. WE met three years ago and started dating, but didnt put pressure on becoming serious because we were at different cities, but he managed to travel back home to my city almost every weekend. when he finished college and returned it was already 8 months seeing each other and i had developed strong feelings. well the abusive started without me noticing one night i called and he seems to be in a nightclub and i heard a voice that said hoe & bitch. I got upset and didnt want to speak to him but he kept saying it was someone on the back & i believed him. then he started doing littl ethings like that once in awhile. Then used to give me excuses to not get serious...then act sweet and then started ignoring me only used to call orspeak to me when he felt like it. It was time he texte nasty comments and blamed it his friend was drunk and used his phone. i tried to leave him a lot of times , but as soon he felt i was been serious he used to coem and made a show as if he cares for me. On top of that when he felt he couldnt control me he left me. Then used to come back and lied to me or used to make awkard comment to hurt my feelings like i cnt hang out is my ex birthday. it came one time i decided to move on completely he called me whore left me nasty messages calling me fat when im not. Ugly and stupid!! He even threated me to scared me. after all that even like that i went back , because he always made me feel he acted like that towards me because i did something wrong. But if I call him 15 times a night when he acted wrong it was because I wanted to talk how i felt and that i was hurt. But of course i end acalling all those times I was under stress and he kept giving me that silent treatment as a way to punish me. despite all that i went back again I dont know how i did that? for few months everything since perfect but one day he told me a rule n i refused to do that he attacked me again worst than ever and told m ethe most awful things u can tell a woman. the crazy thing he blamed me and had the tendency to say that nobody else will care for me as little as he does. if i would tell how he treated me to someone that knew him they wouldnt believe me. he made sure he told everyone i was crazy instead. thats my story now i could say im psychologically damage and that i be concern about my weight in a daily basics.oh i very artistic and he criticized as if i wasnt talented. is very sad someone you cared do these awful things

Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse - Petah - Dec 26th 2009

At the age of 54 years I have been diagnosed as delayed onset PTSD. The la st 6 years I helped one of my teenage daughters overcome her severe depression that went on for 3 years. She is well and back on track but it was a very traumatising time for me. We nearly lost her 3 times. I wont go into the details, but they were horrific to say the least. Then my husband became ill and needed a heartbypass and lost his job. During all this I developed severe depression and was finally diagnosed with PTSD. As a result of all this they uncovered my childhood abuse, verbally, sexually. I still suffer flashbacks most days,but fortunately have found a excellent counsellor. I have a long way to go before I can forgive. I hope one day I will see the light again as I once did. The feeling of losing trust is something I am not used to. To lose the stability I once knew and the happy memories in my life is something I hope one day to regain. I have faith in my counsellor to see me through this. I never thought in my life that I would need this sort of therapy but I know I wont have to go through it on my own.

The Aftershocks of Abuse from my Father. - Michelle Hartina - Dec 19th 2009

I have been out of a physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abusive situation for a little over 3 years now. I have been dealing with it for 21 years of my life. I am 24 now, and although I don’t live anywhere close to that situation I am still dealing with the aftershocks of abuse.

I was a small child in 3rd grade when I first recognized that there was a slight chance that I could be a victim of abuse. I came home from school and asked my mother, "Mom, am I being abused by daddy?" She immediately ran to his defense and said no Michelle! What would make you say that? My response was “I don’t know we learned about it in school.” She said Michelle abuse is when you go to school with broken arms, black eyes, and have to lie to cover up to your friends and teacher so no one knows you were pushed down the stairs. "Now have any of those things happened to you?!?" My response was No, but in my gut it felt so wrong to say that because every day it would be so scared to walk around the corner and noticed if my dad’s car was there. If he was home I would pray to God that he would be sleeping because I was afraid of my very own father.

He ridiculed me for years for doing the wrong thing, and that his actions of "beating the shit out of me were justified because I would not listen". Well my father had it out for me from as long as I could remember at the age 4, but when I was in 3rd grade that really was the worst. I was practically got hit at least once a week. My father made my teacher write in my black marble notebook at the end of the day, for a full behavioral report. And every day I would get in trouble with Mrs. Ulrich. I would talk to my fellow classmates, got up walked around, and did whatever I wanted to do. I really did not understand the concept of school. I had no concept of the purpose of learning nouns, verbs, adjectives est. I just knew it was a social environment to go play with my friends, laugh, and have a good time.

In the middle of 3rd grade, my mother was learning a little bit about the “mental disorder of ADHD”. I was diagnosed with it that year, and was thrown on Ritalin by the 4th grade. All I knew that it was some magical small pill what that would control my mental disability and my language delay to make me do good in school. What the FUCK does that mean to an eight year old?

Well to me all that meant that I was stupid. I was so embarrassed that I had to take some medication to calm me down. All it did was alter my inner spirits of being young and happy. I didn’t understand school, never picked up a good way to study, and was always intimidated to learn. Every time I had a question with my math homework or any other subject related to school my mother wouldn’t have the time nor the patients herself to help, so she would do the next best thing and yell through the rooms “John, Can you Help Michelle with her homework please???

You really think he wanted to help me after the way she asked him. I think not! He was tired, and all he wanted to do was to watch TV and relax from his long day of work. But with a plead of guilt from my mother he would finally give in with a huge Huff, and puff, and already annoyed that he has to explain it to me. But, me I could not pay attention to anything that he was saying. All I could think about is that I am scared that he is helping me because I am annoying him at that moment. Instead of listening about what he is saying I would talk to myself and mentally prepare to be ready for it when it comes.. After he explained the problem calmly I was still so nervous that I sat there and guessed lucky number 7 with hopes that God would be on my side. Low and behold… my father started to scream at me and because the answer was wrong and in frustration with his teeth grinding and spit flying everywhere he then explained it again. So I knew that was it, I knew I was about to get my ass kicked so there’s no chance of even thinking about the correct answer, so at this point tears start fluttering down my face, I get hit in the head 4 times with the metal part of the pencil and am called an idiot. I’m thinking gosh Oh my God Michelle just think, think about what he is saying pay attention, what is wrong with me, why can’t I pay attention, I am so stupid! So I get asked yelled at again... What is the Answer? This time I say a different number and received a few POWs of slaps across my face followed by a few more horrible names like a fucking dumb ass est., got frustrated and never finished helping me with my h/w. Now an argument broke out between my parents, and it was my fault all because I could not pay attention to what he was saying.

To me I am like Thank God that's over! Would pretend the assignment is completed go to school the next day with an incomplete h/w grade. So you can see how it was a chain reaction.

Not necessarily that situation but, my father’s temper and rage were a continuous thing. This went on for years till about age 12/13 when I really started not to care. Before I would care when I would get in trouble. So I would really try to do the right thing but once I started to notice that nothing worked, I built the idea to do nothing at all. I would do what I wanted to do, and when I was told to do something I ignored it. I came up with the silly conclusion that I was going to get hit No matter what I did. And I formed a stubborn like attitude with the case of the Fuck You’s! I walked around like I was tough, because I felt tough. If I can survive my head being bashed against the wall, a slap across the face with a leather belt, and being chased around the house to attempt to escape my father, and get hit a few times in a row without crying. I Knew I was tough and get through anything. I mentally prepared myself for how tough I was. I even was so tough that I blocked my father’s slaps, and put my hand around his throat as he is bashing my head against my glass mirror closet door. He would hit me even harder because I was disrespecting him by blocking his initial attack. I didn’t care because I knew I toughed it out for many, many, many years that I developed a defense mechanism. This in realty only caused me to have a really bad attitude in life.

Nothing seemed fun anymore. I was always under these Costapo like rules, regulations, restrictions, boundaries. I was never trusted to do anything because I was always in trouble. And my father always would say "I Control YOU!!" I was always grounded for something I did or did not do, and it came to a point where I Really stopped caring about everybody, including myself.

I lost friends because I was always in trouble and got teased about it in school. So I stopped caring about the kids in my grade. I hated life from the age 11 until I was 16, and I went from age 13-21 over night. At 16, I was already going to bars, hanging out with older kids, people thought I was witty, fun, and wild when I would get drunk. People at school started to "love me" because I didn’t care about anything and would do the craziest out of whack shit. Although my social life was getting better, I still hated my life. I still hated that my mother was on my ass where I went, who I hung out with. I was still getting my ass kicked at home, and this time I really didn’t care because I knew I deserved it with my shitty little attitude. Because I turned into a bit of a sneak and I got caught every time.

I lost respect for authority, lost respect for my own family because they never pulled through to help me. Except, my Aunt, Uncle and cousin took me in their home for a few weeks at the age of 17. But I knew it was hard for any of my family to get involved, It was really hard for everyone because in reality what can they do about it when my own mother would never do anything about it. It’s not like she would ever leave him.

And I know why she didn’t. She really does genuinely love him. He is not such a terrible man all the time, only some of the time. He made her feel like she could never live without him. And it’s really hard for a woman to leave a man when she invested so much like 3 daughters with, a home and 30 years of marriage. He only physically abused me in the family. I know he talks down to her from time to time but never will he hit my mother.

As I got older I became wreck less with my decisions. I would randomly find myself at people’s houses that I met that first night, or barely even knew, without remembering a danm thing. Shit just got wild, and I knew I needed to make changes. I was driving around the neighborhood wasted, and would stay out till all hours of the night, come home passed out drunk naked on the floor. I got bad, so I enrolled myself in an outpatient rehab. At that time I figured it was time to find myself who I was, what I wanted, and find my dreams. All I ever wanted to was to find peace within myself, and be happy and enjoy life as I once knew it as.

I always knew there’s a higher energy out there, just by the intellectual questions I remember asking and the energy I would feel when I was a child growing up. My parents would ignore the questions I would ask, and sometimes be annoyed because they didn’t know how to answer any questions pertaining to the universe. But that’s only because they were uneducated people, and had more important things on their minds. Like making it through the rat race in America.

As I stand now, I have to work backwards. I must find confidence that I never gained as a child and as a young adult living with my parents. I must talk nice to myself without having any doubt of feeling like a "fucking idiot" for an honest mistake I may have made. I still have my I don’t care attitude at times because I feel so overwhelmed.

I have a lot going on as being a full time student, working full time, I live on my own with a roommate, I live 1500 miles away from where home used to be. I just picked up a business to make a few extra bucks as a Mary Kay Consultant, and I worked a charity event last weekend. I put minimal amount of time in each thing, because I’m still depressed, trying to find beauty within me. It’s hard sometimes when I argue with my boyfriend over stupid crap that doesn’t really matter. It’s really hard sometimes gaining the confidence I need to get over the abuse of my father because if I don’t I am so desperately afraid I will turn into being just like him. I need advice or some words of encouragement of getting closure to move on, be the best woman I can be for myself, and the people I cherish most around me.

8 Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator - Sue - Dec 10th 2009

Hi...I am a victim of being in an emotionally abusive/manipulative & controlling relationship. I won't bother getting into what my story is all about but I did want to share with you this article called "8 Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator‏". It cuts to the chase and provides straight up facts. I know too well how it feels to be in a relationship that just doesn't seem "right" to you but you just can't put your finger on it. I wish someone told me about the signs of an emotional manipulator, maybe then I wouldn't of gotten engaged to him and had to endure all of the pain and heartache that came from getting that deeply involved with him.

ps - I really hopes this article helps someone like it did for me.

8 Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator‏

Written by Fiona McColl

Emotional manipulators get extra marks for subtlety. A patronizing, mind-fucker can bend and twist and warp but somehow after a period of time they set off the ol’ bullshit meter. An emotional manipulator is smoother. You’ll have to adjust the sensitivity of your bullshit meter to escape unscathed. What is emotional manipulation? Well, emotional manipulation is a method of using words, body language and behavior for the purposes of provoking a particular reaction, getting a desired response or to just plain ol’ screw you over. If the emotional blackmailer is any good, he’ll having you offering to bend over and be fucked one more time, "anything you want dear." Lets talk about how an emotional manipulator works and how to recognize the game (because it very much IS a game) so you can reset that bullshit meter and safeguard against possible attack.

There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response - "It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment - but you see I didn’t want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don’t be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry." Even as you are hearing the words you get the creeped out sensation that they really do NOT mean they are sorry at all - but since they’ve said the words you’re pretty much left with nothing more to say. Either that or you suddenly find yourself babysitting their angst!! Under all circumstances if you feel this angle is being played - don’t capitulate! Do not care take - do not accept an apology that feels like bullshit. If it feels like bullshit - it probably is. Rule number one - if dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver - it’s added to their hit list and you’ll be fed a steady diet of this shit.
An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper. If you ask them to do something they will almost always agree - that is IF they didn’t volunteer to do it first. Then when you say, "ok thanks" - they make a bunch of heavy sighs, or other non verbal signs that let you know they don’t really want to do whatever said thing happens to be. When you tell them it doesn’t seem like they want to do whatever - they will turn it around and try to make it seem like OF COURSE they wanted to and how unreasonable you are. This is a form of crazy making - which is something emotional manipulators are very good at. Rule number two - If an emotional manipulator said YES - make them accountable for it. Do NOT buy into the sighs and subtleties - if they don’t want to do it - make them tell you it up front - or just put on the walk-man headphones and run a bath and leave them to their theater.
Crazy making - saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it.If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity --You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they’ll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality. WARNING: Emotional Manipulation is VERY Dangerous! It is very disconcerting for an emotional manipulator if you begin carrying a pad of paper and a pen and making notations during conversations. Feel free to let them know you just are feeling so "forgetful" these days that you want to record their words for posterity’s sake. The damndest thing about this is that having to do such a thing is a clear example for why you should be seriously thinking about removing yourself from range in the first place. If you’re toting a notebook to safeguard yourself - that ol’ bullshit meter should be flashing steady by now!
Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers. They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly - they get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt. Another powerful emotion that is used is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn’t want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people’s battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is "I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own" - check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.
Emotional manipulators fight dirty. They don’t deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it. Example: "Of course I want you to go back to school honey and you know I’ll support you." Then exam night you are sitting at the table and poker buddies show up, the kids are crying the t.v. blasting and the dog needs walking - all the while "Sweetie" is sitting on their ass looking at you blankly. Dare you call them on such behavior you are likely to hear, "well you can’t expect life to just stop because you have an exam can you honey?" Cry, scream or choke ‘em - only the last will have any long-term benefits and it’ll probably wind your butt in jail.
If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor! No matter what your situation is the emotional manipulator has probably been there or is there now - but only ten times worse. It’s hard after a period of time to feel emotionally connected to an emotional manipulator because they have a way of de-railing conversations and putting the spotlight back on themselves. If you call them on this behavior they will likely become deeply wounded or very petulant and call you selfish - or claim that it is you who are always in the spotlight. The thing is that even tho you know this is not the case you are left with the impossible task of proving it. Don’t bother - TRUST your gut and walk away!
Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them. When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find someway to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them. Stick with this type of loser for too long and you will be so enmeshed and co-dependent you will forget you even have needs - let alone that you have just as much right to have your needs met.
Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome.

Some would say it is possible with time, a great deal of honesty and communication to work through emotional manipulation. Personally I think life is short and precious - the only worthwhile thing to do when confronted with an emotionally manipulative person is to BROOM THEIR ASS TO THE CURB! A Relationship with emotionally manipulative person is similar to re-exposing yourself over and over and over to a highly toxic and potentially fatal virus. Each brush with it reduces your immunity and weakens your defenses. It can take more time for someone that has been in an emotionally manipulative relationship (READ: ABUSE) to recover than it does for someone that leaves a physically abusive one. At least you can name that punch that hit you. Emotional abuse is subtle. It is insidious. It is dangerous. If you are in it - walk away and never look back. Make it a rule!

I was emotionally abused. A soul paid the price. - Jessica - Dec 8th 2009

I too have had many troubles like everyone else around here. I am amazed how many people suffer from abuse as well. My partner in life was the closest person I had ever been to. He was my second but was the best thing to happen to me. We dated for 5 years and befriended for 8. But because he moved and lived 75 minutes away, I was the only one who had the time on the weekends to drive out in the mountains to him. He had a car but always worried about his own fuel intake.

After getting my masters degree I thought about getting another, but he kept refusing and asking for my ability to always be around him. He was laid of last year and had nothing left on him. I must have loaned him almost 7 thousand dollars in 2 months and then a few thousand more for food and water. Before that I was always the one driving and seeing him. I had no idea what he was turning into because I had practice after my sessions and a full night owl job to pay off my college debt. I helped him a lot but he only wanted me, which he couldn't have because we still did not have a home set up.

I was always so tired around him and I regret it a lot, but whenever he was emotional or tired around me I would comfort him. Instead he turned around at me and always became agressive and started shouting. I had never shouted at him before and it was shocking. He tried to limit where I go and even call my family - that I no longer live with - to demand information from them. He used several excuses and blamed me for everything. He actually left me and less than 2 weeks later was in bed with his female friend. He took my dog to the pound and they put him down!!! Now tell me how hard that is to forgive!!!!!

The Family of the "Victim" - - Dec 5th 2009

It has been well over fifteen years of dealing with a sister who repeatedly goes back to the man that was convicted and served time for trying to kill her. Worse yet, he did it in front of my four year old nephew. After his prison term, he weaseled his way back into her life and now they even have a toddler together. One thing I cannot stand is the lack of advice for family members who are supposed to just sit back and watch it all happen. We are only supposed to listen and never offer advice. We are supposed to support, support, support. Well I cannot support my sister choosing a monster over her loving family. I cannot sit by and listen when she is soooooo brainwashed and he continues to lash out at all of us (as well as her). There are children involved! I am worried one day that he will try to kill me or succeed. His evil knows no boundaries. And because of him, she is no longer who she was. She manipulates people, tries to con them into giving her money and uses the grandchildren to blackmail my parents into helping her and him. He keeps getting in trouble with the law and I pray his third strike will come soon. I think I have to no longer have contact with my sister. I could never imagine such a life. I always thought I had a big sister who loved me and I could look up to. Instead, she has betrayed me over and over again. It is really heartbreaking for families to deal with these situations and I think the psych advice needs to shift from just stand by and watch to a new more impactful action. When someone you love is getting beaten and constantly belittled and that same person also lashes out at you, it takes more than a saint to just stand by and watch. When I am at her funeral or their murder-suicide crime scene or watching above at my own from his hand, I hope I can say that I did more than just listen to real, deadly concerns.

the pain is still there - - Oct 29th 2009

he even destory my truck took everything out of it and destoried all my clothes me include and all my belongings i dont complain about the abuse..... i usaully keep it inside so no one has to see the hurt or pain......there is no point in complain...... i always lived by life aint fair ill giet over it.... but how am i soppuse to get over it......i will have the pain for the rest of my life..... im terrified to go to sleep for i no what waits me nightmares that seem so vivid and so real and the flash backs........ i had it all the emotional physical verbal and sexaul abuse.... it unfair to give someone all your trust jsut to have it ripped all away! how am i suppose to pick up the pieces that were destoried and rebuild it not fair! i never know if im coing or going! what is up or down! i try to tell myself not that im out it will be better but it jsut more tourcher walking out the door not no my daughter and me are going to be safe that day!! what do i have to do to restore my ole self back?

the pain is still there! - - Oct 29th 2009

all of these thing that have been writen are some what of a help...... i have not only been abused by my ex fencia but always my fathers father whan i was 3 years ole..... i am now 21 and my ex would beat me choke me push me down use hammers on me wooden stickes bite me degrade me in anyway shape or form he would suclude me from my family tell me this was a womans job made me lose jobs because he thought i was cheating on him he couldnt hold job he would do drugs in front of me that i wanted no part of he has not only threaten my life but my family as well and he threaten that once i had her i was going to get what i desevre still to this day i think it was my fault that if i did this differently it wouldnt of happened his whole family was even controlive turns me like i had no say in what i did it was there way or no way and i wasnt allowed to see my family but my family and friends helped me get away i have a cpo on him and his family has a stalking order against them for the threates they have made but still to this day im scared im looking over my shoulder ever few seconds i dont care what happeneds to me it my daughter im scared for......i have went to the viticms advocate to get help im in consueling to be i still feel like something is going to happen i have a huge amount of support of friends and family but im not one to open up much i wish it never happened..... he has contacted some of my friends i have read his emailes and it still sound like he is abuse he asks who the guys im talking their just friends...... i was aloud to talk or look at a guy or i was cheating on him..... but i never have...... i was with him for a year and to months i left him in july of 2009.......but he says all of this stuff that he is change he sounds so sinser...... but i know i cantgo back even though i want to because i do love him and miss him i cant i cant for my daughter but i dont if he is tell the true or if its just another tack tick to get me back and do it all over again...... becasue i dont know if he will take it out on her to....... i miss him even more when i look at her and then the flash backs of the abuse comes into play and i dont want that i want to look at her and enjoy even more then i all ready do i dont want to look at her and have the flash backs it hurts to look at hurt some times because i seem him and i hate that i cry because of the pain i know i should do that but that is how it is i HATE IT.......when i was pregnant he always call me nothing but a fu))ing fat a)) cow and his mommy i was nothing but chubby i still hard for me to eat im almost skin and bones because of it but i eat for her just enuff for her to eat i cant slep much because of nightmares..... i feel like im nothing i feel i have failed i feel im fat and ugly i couldnt talk to my family inless it was on speaker ohone or inless his ear was up to the phone hearing the conversation if i was busy and didnt answer the phone i was cheating on him i couldnt have my truck to drive to work he had to have it he didnt work i would have to been drop off of at work 2 hrs earlier and sit out in the freezing cold til the doors open i couldnt pay my bills cuz he use the money on drugs and alcohol i told me about a year intot he relationship he was still married he did the same stuff to her to we are really close friends me and her they are divorced now i was told by his sister and grandmother that he still was married earlier on int he relationship that is when the abuse started he would hit me when i would bring up he was still married he told me he wasnt and when he found out he was he told me he tought he wasnt and nevwe incw said sorry anytime he would down grade me and hit me after it was over he wanted sex as soon as he was finish that was it then he was asleep never slept with me slept on the couch or push me off the bed there for awhile he never wanted to do anything and was very private i was never aloud to take a shower by myself he always had to check me when i came home from work i couldnt go do anything byself i would of been cheating him he would tell me anytime i was home off of work or he left be himself he would come home and check everyroom to see if there was a guy there which there never was i couldnt have any friends becasue then he would accuse me of being a leisbain which i no for a fact i aint if i was out i was being time if i was late all hell would back lose he always picked fights on holidays.......he hasnt even made any atempt to see his daughter im happy but still he tellls my friends he wants to see her but hasnt done anything about it......when we first found out i was pregnant he was all happy go lucky but then he would tell me she aint his i cheated on him but i NEVER DID the doctor said he could never have kids well he shure can now she is prove and all the stuff he has said to me when i was with him he said to his ex all the romantic stuff that is.......so i do no if he ever loved me or if he justed use me!

i still love him and miss him...... im still destoried from this i have a 1 month ole with him...... he has shut my ankle in the car door on prepose hit me in the head while i was pregnant even hit my stomach with his hat while i was pregnant.......i was finally able to leave

Thank you - Eli - Jan 10th 2009

thanks for this i really helped me be more aware of what was going on with people and helped me with my project on abuse.

Thanks - - Oct 16th 2008

Kathryn,

Thanks a lot for the info. Your article is very helpful in understanding one of my personal abusive relation. I was a third party in an abusive relation where my wife was abused by close friend.

why - - Jan 1st 2008
ive always wonder y me what did i do to deserve this then i realized it wasnt my fault i had to forgive them and myself i went through alot as a child i am still a child i think bout it constently i wake up in the middle of the night screaming reliving wat happened in my dreams when it happened to me io was 13 last time it happened i remember being confused by having my own cousin touch me the way he did i knew it was wrong but i still let it happened i look back and wish i did something to stop it something to to i dont know i think i couldve done something defferent or better mabye if i was prettier or skinny or something i always look for a reason ar a thing to blame when i couldnt blame any one or thing i turned to a razor and started to cutt myself it didnt help at all then i turned to drugs i started wit pot then moved to chronic then to cocaine then to nothing i am clean now some times i wish i wasnt but it seemed no matter wat i did it was always there i could still feel it see it smell his stale breath on my neck its hard for me to have a boyfriend cause if they touch me the wrong way i would freak out have a flash back no one knows of my sexual abuse the only one who knows is my best friend i have to learn to look past this and by my experiences learn to be a better person.

It will never go away. - charlene - Dec 19th 2007
The sad part about being abused is that it will never go away. It affects every part of life. I thought that, like most horrible things, the longer I am away from it the more control I have of my life. The stronger I feel I get. But that is simply not true. It just won't stop hurting. Someone fairly insignificant to me managed to evoke very real feelings of the past. I was helpless and terrified all over again. I can't stop shaking, crying, and I am triffied of going to sleep for fear the nightmares will return. I was raised to believe that life is not fair but this is just plain wrong, unfair! Is it not bad enough that I had to be tourchered for ten years, now I know that I will live in this horrible reality forever. That just makes me sad right to depths of my sole. I will cry inside forever and all I did to deserve it was trust. How is that Fair? I have tried not whinning about it. Many people have had it hard and worse than I but somehow, today, that thought does not humble my misery. I don't want to be sick with this forever, that's too long.

Emotional Abuse - Kayt - Nov 19th 2007
I am only 18 years old and I feel that I am a victim of emotional abuse. Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months and he is very controlling, I do love him but all the time he puts me down, I have no freedom, no friends and I feel as though I am worth nothing. I dont want to be without him but things definately need to change because at the moment I just cant handle it all. I have been constantly accused of cheating on him since day 1, which i have not.. I have had to change my mobile number and email address countless times because of these accusations when he has alot of girls texting and phone calling him and also he has 100's of girls on his messenger. I really dont know what to do.. He humiliates me infront of others telling me to 'Shut up' it is as though i dont have the right to have my say or talk even infront of my own friends I feel so depressed and like i cant over come this.. please help.

I need to know that I am not crazy. - - Jun 4th 2007
I have been married for a little over three years, and recently I have come to a conclusion that I am in an abusive marriage (I think). It is weird. I was married once before, but my ex husband beat me physically. I had no problems leaving him. Don't get me wrong, there were reprocussions of leaving. He turned my family and friends against me. He told them that I fell and he never touched me. That situation lingered, and it was hard, but what I am going through now is even harder. I really love my husband. I had never felt like such a queen, as when I met my husband. We knew each other before, but because of my other situation, we lost contact for about 7 years (I pushed him away and told him that I could not deal with a relationship at that time). Well as fate had it we met again, and we were both single. It was love from the start. I guess though that I should have seen the red flag when he started telling me that he was not sure that he could trust me because I had pushed him away those many years before. We got past that. We were engaged after six months, and married within a year and a half. He has grabbed me when we have argued, he has pushed me down because I was being to flirtatious with him in public, and he even threatened my life. All of these things happened over a matter of a couple years though. For the most part we got along pretty well. The thing that hurt me the most and has me seeking help though is the verbal and emotional abuse. I don't know what to do. I pray all the time for help. I pray for it to stop. I don't want to desert our marriage, but I feel like nothing will change. He knows I want a baby, and he got mad and told me that "I was not responsible enough to have his children". That crushed me. We have always talked about having children. Since then he has called me a stupid BITCH and told me that I am the one always putting him down. He told me that I am the reason he gets so mad. I pray that GOD will help him realize what he is doing. I wrote him a letter and told him how all of this was affecting me, and he acted very loving for about a week. I feel like he is trying, but he will not go to counseling. He says that he is not the one with a problem, I am. I know enough to know that my problem comes from his put downs and name callings. He lets me know that nothing I do is good enough. I have been trying really hard to avoid conflict, but I can't stand for him to touch me sexually. I don't know what to do. When I got married to him I made a promise to him, myself, and God that I would love him for better and worse, but I feel threatened in my own home. I have another house that I can go to, but he says that if I leave the house, that I am ambandoning our marriage and there will be no coming back. He has not said that he is sorry for anything he has said or done lately. He tells me that he only says what he feels at the time. I am so confused, I love him, but I love myself too. I want to be able to feel good about myself again. HELP.

aN aBUSED WIFE - - Apr 12th 2007

tO SOME PEOPLE THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW CAN i WALK AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND. i KNOW THAT HE IS ABUSIVE TOWARDS ME BUT HE IS THE ONLY ONE THEIR FOR ME. i HAVE NO ONE ELSE i TRY TO DEAL WITH THE PSCHOLOGICAL ABUSE EMOTIONAL, AND VERBAL THERE ARE DAYS WHEN i DO NOT KNOW WHETHER i AM COMING OR GOING. i PRAY THE HE WOULD CHANGE i ASK gOD TO HELP HIM. i JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW CAN i JUST LEAVE i TOOK A VOW BEFORE GOD

Convincing Emotionally Abused Daughter To Get Help - Concerned (Grand)Mother - Feb 19th 2007
Thank Goodness This Site Is Available. Kindly Help Me Help Her. Has Had All 3 Children With A Man Who Already Has 3 By 2 Other Women, Married To None. Normal upbringing for him, not for her. He Is A Part Time Parent And Very Controlling. Very Worried For My Daughter And Grandchildren. 2 Girls, 1 Boy.

emotional abuse - kathleen - Feb 9th 2007
THIS ARTICLE WAS ENLIGHTENING, ALTHOUGH i STILL FEEL AS IF THERE IS NO RECOURSE. i HAVE COME TO LEARN THAT I was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse, and my marriage of 30 years is ending in divorce. What could be a more hopeless feeling than to know that 30 of your 50 years was nothing but a farce.....a waste....you open your soul to a man who should have been your closest friend, only to be devalued by him in every way. Character assassination.....your self worth is destroyed.....your spirit is murdered. He turns your friends and family against you....he uses your own children to prove how he is a victim of an unappreciative marriage, of having a wife who cannot be happy. Everything that meant anything is ripped away, and you are left as the one to blame for all the unhappiness. He is justified in turning to another woman.....it's all a nasty, cruel, sick plan and I am left to put all the pieces back together, alone. What's the use? The only positive thing I see in this is the fact that i KNOW I am NOT crazy, that verbal and emotional abuse is real, yet there is no justice, is there?

ThanX - Michelle - Feb 8th 2007

Knowledge IS "POWER". Thank you for empowering so many. We are NOT victims we are SURVIVORS!

thanks - Marlie - Jan 3rd 2007
thank you for this information. it has helped tremendously