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- Depression, ADHD, Psychotherapy and Medication
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 19th 2009 - The Brain, Nutrition and ADHD
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 18th 2009 - Is It Love or Codependency? Let's Have a Dialogue
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 18th 2009 - The Need for Changes in U.S Health Insurance
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 13th 2009 - Are You an Oscar the Grouch Sometimes?
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 12th 2009 - "I Can't," Living with ADHD
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 10th 2009 - Emotional Resilience: Coping with Life, It's Tragedies and Its Stresses
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 7th 2009 - Some Additional Comments about Teenagers, Divorce and Family Boundaries
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 5th 2009 - The Bystander Effect, What Would You Do?
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Nov 3rd 2009 - Do I Have ADD?
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Oct 29th 2009
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Emotional Resilience: Coping with Life, It's Tragedies and Its Stresses
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.: Sat, Nov 7th 2009 - 08:14:03 PM I am relatively certain that all of you have heard the saying, "G-d does not give you more of a burden than you are able to hold." I suppose it is a way to assure people that they can handle anything.
However, all of us know that there are times when it feels like a burden it too heavy to carry.
The sources of these burdens are such things as the death of a loved one, being caught in a war, earthquake, hurricane or tornado. For others, it may be having a spouse suddenly and unexpectedly decide to move away and end the marriage with no explanation. In fact, there are many scenarios that are traumatic and depressing. Another way of thinking about this is that life tests us and our capacity to cope.
As a result of these difficult times it is common to think such things as, "This is not what I bargained for. This is beyond me and who I am. This is beyond the emotional resources that I have. No one else goes through this type of thing. I just want to die!"
In psychology, there is a concept known as "emotional resilience." The following Mental Help.Net article defines emotional resilience. It can be found at this URL:
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=5779&cn=298
One aspect of emotional resilience is:
"to be able to spring back after suffering through difficult and stressful times in one's life. Stressed people experience a flood of powerful negative emotions which may include anger, anxiety, and depression. Some people remain trapped in these negative emotions long after the stressful events that have caused them have passed. Emotionally resilient people, on the other hand, are quickly able to bounce back to their normal emotional state. In a way, they have learned to wear a "hard hat," a protective cover that allows them to move on.
Here are some of the characteristics of emotionally resilient people that allows them to bounce back regardless of the level of their stress.
1. Have realistic and attainable expectations and goals.
2. Show good judgment and problem-solving skills.
3. Be persistent and determined.
4. Be responsible and thoughtful rather than impulsive.
5. Be effective communicators with good people skills.
6. Learn from past experience so as to not repeat mistakes.
7. Be empathic toward other people (caring how others around them are feeling).
8. Have a social conscience, (caring about the welfare of others).
9. Feel good about themselves as a person.
10. Feel like they are in control of their lives.
11. Be optimistic rather than pessimistic.
I want to add a 12th item to the above list:
12. Despite everything, be convinced that you will find solutions and that you will emerge from the crisis.
There is research that points to the notion that people can live out self fulfilling prophesies. In other words, if you expect disaster, that is what you will find, but if you expect to find solutions, you will do so. I guess this is part of numbers 3 and 11. Be persistent and determined and, remain optimistic.
I can hear some of you loudly protest that, "You mental health experts don,t know what it is to be so very depressed that you are suicidal, or, what it is like to feel hopeless after having lost a dearly family member." Then, there are those who will insist that there is no way to recover from a terminal illness. Finally, the protests might enter the area of, "You experts know things from books and not our experiences."
I want to assure everyone that mental health experts, such as psychiatrist, psychologists, clinical social worker, family therapists and others, are also human beings. Therefore, we have the same or similar experiences as everyone else in the world.
However, those of us in this and other helping professions, are firmly convinced that people are able to overcome all types of adversities. Often times, it is a matter of learning how to overcome, or how to survive until things improve.
This is why I believe strongly in the beneficial effects of psychotherapy, whether it is psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, group or many other types. Therapy can teach us a lot about how to live and get the most out of our lives, especially when we are at those moments when we feel blocked, depressed, hopeless and frustrated. It also teaches us how to think in more realistic terms, set reachable goals and gain the strength needed to deal with the most awful of circumstances.
We also know and teach our clients the importance of such self help practices as, exercise, meditation, yoga, involvement with other people and, for some people, participating in religious institutions.
In other words, emotional resilience can be learned, acquired, developed and built. Return to the list of twelve suggestions for helping you deal with a crisis and, if those are not enough, please seek the help of a licensed psychotherapist.
Your comments are encouraged and appreciated.
Allan N. Schwartz, PhD
Emotional Resilience - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD - Nov 10th 2009
Hi Cathy and all,
I hope I have not caused misunderstanding by mentioning participating in religion. All I was meaning to point out was that "some people" gain strength from belief in religion.
However, there is no need to believe in G-d to have emotional resilience. Resilience comes from having inner strength, believing that you life is worthwhile and having the determination to get through situations that are hard and those that are fun.
Irvin Yalom, MD, Psychiatrist, has written many popular books, some fiction and some non fiction, on mental health. He is not a believer in G-d or religion but has enormous inner strenght and resilience that he derives from the way he influences other people in his life. As he points out, it is a matter of finding meaning in your life.
I happen to agree with him about the importance of finding meaning in your life. Partly, the way to find that meaning is to begin to realize that each person has a positive impact on other people, no matter how small an impact you think that may be.
Dr. Schwartz How's It Work - Cathy - Nov 10th 2009
Interested in how emotional resilience works without God since my opinion that God would be necessary is ludicrous? Where does your joy and zest for living and ability to bounce back come from? I respect everyone's belief system and I am sure that this explanation would benefit everyone as far as understanding the possibilities - the more people that experience emotional resilience - the better place the world would be. I know that at our house, my mood is especially important because everyone "feeds" from that. If I am "doom and gloom", so goes every other living thing in the house. god is not necessary for emotional resilaince - - Nov 9th 2009
Believing in a "god" is something people fall on to help deal with life's difficulties, to give one answers when there really are none. For some it works but for many this antiquating belief system is of no help. Many religions in the world do have one positive in common in that they help teach one to live and face lifes challenges. But to say you can't have emotional resiliance without god is ludicrous. Good Upbringing - Cathy - Nov 7th 2009
Gosh, I really thought my parents mostly didn't really know that much about raising kids until I got out in the world. I was lucky to come from a more religious region of the US than many. I learned all of those elements of Emotional Resilience as a child based mostly on religious principals. I know that fewer and fewer people have God in their lives. Now religion has become more of a "social" networking sort of thing - being religious and having God in your life are not the same. You can go through the motions of religion without ever having God in your life. I feel so blessed to have emotional resilience. Can you have emotional resilience in life without God? I'm not sure about that but I don't think so. |
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Readers in the Boulder, Colorado metro area (or Denver area people willing to drive) may contact Dr. Schwartz for face-to-face consultation and psychotherapy. Email him at dransphd@aol.com for details.