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Rough Sex


I am really confused about something and am wondering if it could be a sign of a problem… My boyfriend the other night smacked me extremely hard on my private area…including my clitoris. It was extremely painful…and freaked me out. I have had issues with him being a controlling person..but when this happened, it sent me over the edge. We have only been dating for 2 months..and I noticed the sex had started getting more pulling, etc. Anyway, I broke up with him. Have you ever heard of a guy enjoying hitting a woman in that area??? confused

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Do not be confused. I have never heard of anyone liking to be hit in the area you mention. It has the tone of something your ex boy friend could have gotten from pornography. In any case, it seems to me that he has a lot to learn about human sexuality and about human relations.

Now, having stated this I have to admit that sometimes there is no accounting for what some people like. In other words, there are men and women who may like and enjoy practices that the rest of us would avoid at all costs.

All I can do is reassure you that you have nothing to be confused about and that you made the Absolutely Right Decision with regard to this former boy friend… in my very honest opinion. You see, all that really matters is that his behavior was not acceptable to you. Hold fast to your beliefs, preferences and choices and never compromise on anything you may find objectionable. As far as I am concerned you made a great decision and you need worry about nothing else.

Best of Luck to you.

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  • Anonymous-1

    I want to believe that love for the girl friend was not there in the first place.

    Secondly the boy friend must have been propbable a person tat has been starved of sex for a very long time or has been watching too much of pornography or is just being an animal

  • NookieNotes

    I dunno, it sounds to me like there were a lot of issues in this relationship, the first being a lack of communication.

    Only 2 months, and the sex was getting increasingly rough? Were your sexual preferences not discussed before you hopped into bed.

    After all, it sounds like what happened was a good, old-fashioned clitty slap, which a lot of people do, and many women enjoy. I think perhaps he hit harder than he intended, out of inexperience, or that from previous encounters he got the idea you liked what he was doing.

    Really, he sounds like he might be into BDSM. Not a bad thing when both partners agree. One good reason, I suggesttaking the time and really getting to know your potential sexual partners before goign to bed with them. Compatibility between the sheets is just as important as out.

  • FairytaleAsylum

    Some people like to be dominant in bed, or submissive. They are both two roles that people like to follow through to get them off.

    I think that this would have greatly shocked you or made you feel disrespected. But i agree with the first comment its about communication

  • Abbi Normyl

    I love to be spanked there, especially my [clitoris]. The idea that Dr. Schwartz has never heard of someone liking this shocks me. I know I must not be the only one cuz of my own sexual experiences and I've seen pornography that has that in it, surely it's not that rare.

  • angela

    my boyfriend likes it rough too, I don't mind it but I prefer when he's gentle. Sometimes he scares me when he puts his hand over my mouth and wont let me breathe.

  • the champ

    rough sex is great! i just believe that is has to be understood by both parties and i definitely agree there was a lack of communication between you to on what ya'll enjoy. anyways personally i think the rougher the better. hair pulling, scratching, biting, slapping, and yes-- even spitting. talking dirty is definitely my thing too. and 90% of the time my partners on my level and its awesome! the other 10% i am gentle for and not very content sexually because its not as fun for me.

  • Hey, now

    Clit spanking is not a new phenomenon, and I like to be hit there. The intensity of it should be appropriate to what the woman enjoys. It needs to be done in a certain way, so that the clit is involved by not singled out.

    In general, when it comes to rough sex, if both partners don't like it, it's not going to work. And if they don't both like it and cannot communicate openly about it, even worse. Talk, talk, talk about what you like and need, during sex, before, after, anytime.

    It took me a while to figure out that I only like to be with a partner who is rough--if he is generally rough, sometimes non-rough is okay too. Everyone has their preferences, but they do need to match up with your partner's.

  • Leigh Sabio

    I think this answer may have been a bit too judgemental. My own boyfriend (who is also a Dom and my Master) is turned on by spanking a woman's vulva. I happen to like being spanked there, too. It's a very interesting sensation.

  • Anthony

    The problem here is that the boyfriend was being very selfish because he didn't care about her wants and needs. If the BF liked the sex to be a little on the rougher side, and the GF liked it on the softer side, there may have been room to compromise so that each gets a bit of what they want. But he seemed bent on just getting what he wants without discussing his kinkier desires with her and that isn't going to work.

    And you never ever spank someone hard on their privates without asking them first. If they give you permission, then you gradually hit them harder. But it seems that out of nowhere he just spanked her vulva very hard and very painfully. That just shows he's pretty clueless and probably very selfish when it comes to sex. That's like a woman biting a man on his penis during oral sex without consulting with him first, just because it might turn her on. It's wrong and selfish.

    You can like rough sex but still be a generous lover and open to softer lovemaking if it pleases your partner. Unfortunately, the BF was selfish, clueless, not flexible to her wants, and he made an ass of himself by hurting her during sex. She was right to dump him.

  • Twenty Nine Roses

    I've been with my gf for 3 months now. At first the sex was gentle and "ordinary". Then, one night I pulled her hair and she saw a sparkle in my eye. She thought I liked it so she told me I could pull her hair if I like it. So I did.

    Then, I slapped her ass and she really liked that, so she did the same to me and she enjoyed that too. The part that kinda concerned me, is SHE told me it was OK to slap her face if I wanted to, that it didn't hurt her and that she liked it.

    So now, when we have sex, there's a lot of hair pulling, very dirty talk, face slapping etc and she loves it. I don't know why??? But I figure if we two are consenting and we both enjoy it then why not? I just don't understand the psychology behind why she enjoys being so submissive with me????


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