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Trust Issues

Question:

My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. He is very good looking and a lot of girls are jealous that he is with me. Some of these girls have told me that he cheats on me, but none of them are able to provide proof. All of the accusations are making it harder to trust him. More and more often I find myself jumping to the worst conclusion without reason. For example: he doesn’t answer the phone immediately when I call so I think obviously he is with another girl. I’m so sick of feeling this way but I don’t know how to stop. He is a little shady with his phone; always keeps it away from me and I noticed he regularly clears his history. He says he just values his privacy but I feel that he shouldn’t have anything to hide.

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Answer:

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Things are happening to shake your trust in your boyfriend. For one, you report that other girls are jealous that you are with him and the same girls tell you that he is cheating on you. You need to think of the possibility that they are attempting to cause trouble because they are, after all, jealous.

However, the fact that your boyfriend behaves in ways that are suspicious is not so easy to dismiss. He does have the right to keep his phone calls private but, as you correctly say, he should have nothing to hide from you.

One of the things you need to think about is what the goals are that the two of you have for your relationship? Do the two of you agree that you have an exclusive relationship? If that is not mutually agreed upon then you both have the right to see other people. Are you simply dating? Are you moving toward engagement with the ultimate goal of marriage? The answers to these questions are important because they determine whether it’s worth it for you to feel jealous. If it’s not an exclusive relationship then there are other men out there with whom you will not feel jealous.

Best of Luck

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