When I was much younger, I would hurt small animals – sometimes even kill them. I was then filled with an overwhelming remorse. I did stop doing those terrible things over 35 years ago, but I still live with my monstrous acts. I am on Effexor, Clonarpam, Enalapril, Propronanol, Inderal LA, and Wellbutrin. I can never remember being happy. I have had happy moments, but I am not a happy person. At times, especially without my medicines, I get so angry and upset, I become afraid for those around me-but I would hurt myself before I would harm another living being. I am co-dependent on my spouse and children. I really think if something would happen to them and I would be alone, I would have to go to a mental facility-I would not be able to function. I always feel like I am going to snap and go completely, I don’t know what. Home is the only place I feel safe, and that is just some of the time. I hate people. I hate interacting with them-I hate conflict. Of course, I am a Executive Resolution Coordinator – I resolve disputes. I am not suicidal, but there are many days, many, many days, I don’t care if I lived or died. Thank you for listening
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
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- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
No, you are not a bad person.
You have suffered from a life-long mental illness which is controlled while you are on medications. Woudl you ask if you are a bad person if you were medicated for a life-long case of diabetes? I think not. In the same way, you have a disease of the brain causing you to think and feel in ways that do not happen on medication. The medication controls the disease. That is why it is important for you to remain compliant with your medications and not fail to take them either because you forget or want to experiment with how you feel without them.
Psychotherapy is also an important part of maintaining your mental health. Through psychotherapy you can learn all you need to know about your illness so that you can better understand it, how it affects your brain and behavior and how you can control its symptoms. In addition, you can learn improved thinking and coping skills so that you do not get so depressed that you do not care if you lived or died.
In addition to your medication and psychotherapy you need to reduce and control stress in your life. What this means is that you need to get plenty of sleep every night, eat healthy meals each day, have calm and liesurely time for your self and do not drink or use mind altering drugs such as marijuana or any of the others. The combination of all of this will keep you from "snapping."
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No, you are not a bad person.
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