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Am I Just A Bad Person

Question:

When I was much younger, I would hurt small animals – sometimes even kill them. I was then filled with an overwhelming remorse. I did stop doing those terrible things over 35 years ago, but I still live with my monstrous acts. I am on Effexor, Clonarpam, Enalapril, Propronanol, Inderal LA, and Wellbutrin. I can never remember being happy. I have had happy moments, but I am not a happy person. At times, especially without my medicines, I get so angry and upset, I become afraid for those around me-but I would hurt myself before I would harm another living being. I am co-dependent on my spouse and children. I really think if something would happen to them and I would be alone, I would have to go to a mental facility-I would not be able to function. I always feel like I am going to snap and go completely, I don’t know what. Home is the only place I feel safe, and that is just some of the time. I hate people. I hate interacting with them-I hate conflict. Of course, I am a Executive Resolution Coordinator – I resolve disputes. I am not suicidal, but there are many days, many, many days, I don’t care if I lived or died. Thank you for listening

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Answer:

No, you are not a bad person.

You have suffered from a life-long mental illness which is controlled while you are on medications. Woudl you ask if you are a bad person if you were medicated for a life-long case of diabetes? I think not. In the same way, you have a disease of the brain causing you to think and feel in ways that do not happen on medication. The medication controls the disease. That is why it is important for you to remain compliant with your medications and not fail to take them either because you forget or want to experiment with how you feel without them.

Psychotherapy is also an important part of maintaining your mental health. Through psychotherapy you can learn all you need to know about your illness so that you can better understand it, how it affects your brain and behavior and how you can control its symptoms. In addition, you can learn improved thinking and coping skills so that you do not get so depressed that you do not care if you lived or died.

In addition to your medication and psychotherapy you need to reduce and control stress in your life. What this means is that you need to get plenty of sleep every night, eat healthy meals each day, have calm and liesurely time for your self and do not drink or use mind altering drugs such as marijuana or any of the others. The combination of all of this will keep you from "snapping."

No, you are not a bad person.

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    "i killed some small children or babies when i was younger. does that make me a bad person?"

    of course it does! animals are people too! you can feel all the remorse in the world but it doesnt change the fact that you took someones life!

    i really dont understand why some people are so forgiving about such unforgiveable deeds.

  • Em

    "Animals are people too?" That's ridiculous. Look, I LOVE animals, and I would save MY dog over some random person any day - but animals are NOT people and yes, all killing IS wrong, but this person feels remorse - THAT is what makes us human.

    Those animals are no longer suffering. Imagine the pain this person has to live with knowing that at one point in life, they were capable of - and acted out such horrid acts.

    Do you know what it's like to not be able to trust yourself or to regret who you were to the point of not valuing your own life?

    If you're going to leave an uneducated comment, that's one thing - but at least have the decency to see this person recognizes their wrongdoings, regrets them and does not want such things to occur again. And that's more than can be said for most of the people out there.

    -Em

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