Question:
I am trying to do what is right for myself and another. I am a 47 year old man who has been on his own for many years after some bitter disappointments with women. Recently I came into contact with a lovely woman with whom I clicked instantly. We have been on the phone nightly for hours at a time; this hasn’t happened to me for years. Now for the catch – she is 29 years old, but with wisdom and maturity far beyond her years. She, understandably, wants a family as she has just wasted 8 years in a bad relationship, I have a 16 year old and do not care to start again. Am I doing this woman and myself harm by wasting our time? We click incredibly, but are in two entirely different phases of life. I have been honest, but am conflicted as to the possibilities.
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:
First of all, you have to decide what you want. If you are 100% certain that you do not want to start another family, then you must tell her. Be straightforward with her. One of your late night phone conversations will provide the perfect opportunity for letting her know how you feel. Many people find it less difficult disclosing their true feelings and thoughts over the phone – especially during those long, intimate conversations. Once you have told her about your feelings, then you can stop worrying. It will then be up to her to make the next move. There is a possibility that you are overestimating her desire to have children. Either way, I’m sure she will greatly appreciate your honesty. Best of luck to you, – Anne
- Ask Anne
Ad