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Bi-Curious Boyfriend

Question:

I have been dating a man for about 6 months. The relationship was doing good until recently. We share a computer and lately some very disturbing pictures have been coming on the screen. Pictures of males having sex, and these pictures are very graphic. I have children in the home and am a loss for what to do. He swears that he is not gay, but I think he might be a bi-sexual. How do I confront him about this, and disentangle myself from the relationship? He is a wonderful guy and treats me well, but these recent discoveries are making me think twice. HELP.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

It seems to be there are really several issues here: 1) whether or not you want to continue to date this man, 2) whether or not you can accept his sexuality (whatever form it takes), and 3) what you need to do to protect your children from these images. You don’t need to confront him about anything if disentangling yourself from the relationship is want to accomplish. Just tell him that things aren’t working out for you, and you don’t want to date any more. Then clean up the disk drive to remove all offending pictures. If you think, however, that this relationship might be salvageable then you can tell him kindly but directly (assertively) that you are offended by the pictures he is viewing, that they compromise your children and that he needs to not view or store them on your computer if the relationship is to continue. See what he says (and does over time) about this. People can change if they are motivated to do so. As to whether you can’t date him if he is gay or bisexual – well – only you can answer that. That is basically just up to what you can deal with and what you can’t. You are allowed to have whatever feelings you have about the matter.

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Comments
  • Aimee

    In a small way I know what you are going through. My husband just came out to me that he is bisexual. In regards to the pictures, if it was me I would tell him he needs to stop viewing them on the computer. If he does he needs to look at them and move on, not store them on the computer where the kids can see them. It would also help to erase the sites visited, so the kids can't get to them. As for dating a bi-sexual man, I know how difficult it can be. Me and my husband talk a lot about his desires, and about his bisexuality. I am very open minded, and respect the fact that he likes men and women. I love him very much, and I think communication about bisexuality is very important. On the other hand, if it is too much for you to take, tell him that you can't handle it and see what happens from there. I was kinda freaked out when my husband told me, but we talk about it a lot, and share what we are comfortable with and what we are not. I hope this has helped you out. Good Luck Aimee

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