Question:
My boyfriend and I of 4 years have a 2 year old daughter and we recently moved in together. We split up the first time because of his love of the night life. He’s a fun loving person who sees no wrong in partying every night. Rarely will he get home earlier than 10.00 p.m and this is putting a strain on our relationship and our sex life since I have to wake up before him to go to work. He never feels the need to let me know where he is or with whom and I’m the one always calling to find out when he’ll be home. It’s just a week into living together and already I’m wondering whether I made a mistake by moving in. Please help
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Answer:
Do you remember the Peter Pan song, “I won’t grow up, I won’t grow up,…” In fact, there are a couple of excellent books on the “Peter Pan syndrome that are as good now as they were when written. You can do a search at Amazon.com or BN.com to find them.
Your boyfriend is an example of the “Peter Pan Principle.” He refuses to grow up and take responsibility for his child, partner (you) and his family (all three of you).
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As a therapist with thirty years of experience, I always counselled those people who asked my advice that they follow their inner voice. Well, your inner voice is talking to you. You just need to listen. What I mean is that, if you are thinking that you made a mistake, then, you made a mistake and can move out or have him move out.
If you believe it would do any good, you can give him an ultimatum: “Grow up or leave.” That means coming home after work and staying there. That means being an adult man and not a boy. That means taking responsibility for being a father. That means he must start acting like a real man. If he cannot or will not, then, in my opinion, it’s over.
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Am I coming across strong about this? Yes indeed. In addition to being a psychotherapist, I am also a father and grandfather. I think I have learned a few things along the way.
And, so, in my opinion: find yourself a real man.
Best of Luck to you and your child.
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