Boyfriend Still Acting Like A Bachelor


My boyfriend and I of 4 years have a 2 year old daughter and we recently moved in together. We split up the first time because of his love of the night life. He’s a fun loving person who sees no wrong in partying every night. Rarely will he get home earlier than 10.00 p.m and this is putting a strain on our relationship and our sex life since I have to wake up before him to go to work. He never feels the need to let me know where he is or with whom and I’m the one always calling to find out when he’ll be home. It’s just a week into living together and already I’m wondering whether I made a mistake by moving in. Please help

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

Do you remember the Peter Pan song, “I won’t grow up, I won’t grow up,…” In fact, there are a couple of excellent books on the “Peter Pan syndrome that are as good now as they were when written. You can do a search at or to find them.

Your boyfriend is an example of the “Peter Pan Principle.” He refuses to grow up and take responsibility for his child, partner (you) and his family (all three of you).


As a therapist with thirty years of experience, I always counselled those people who asked my advice that they follow their inner voice. Well, your inner voice is talking to you. You just need to listen. What I mean is that, if you are thinking that you made a mistake, then, you made a mistake and can move out or have him move out.

If you believe it would do any good, you can give him an ultimatum: “Grow up or leave.” That means coming home after work and staying there. That means being an adult man and not a boy. That means taking responsibility for being a father. That means he must start acting like a real man. If he cannot or will not, then, in my opinion, it’s over.

Therapists are Standing By to Treat Your Depression, Anxiety or Other Mental Health Needs

Explore Your Options Today


Am I coming across strong about this? Yes indeed. In addition to being a psychotherapist, I am also a father and grandfather. I think I have learned a few things along the way.

And, so, in my opinion: find yourself a real man.

Best of Luck to you and your child.

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Myndfulness App

Designed to Help You Feel Better Daily

Myndfuless App Rating

Download Now For Free

Learn More >