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Can Attraction Come Back?

Question:

Once physical, sexual attraction is gone, can it ever come back?? I’m asking because I ended a 5 year relationship due to this problem. I wasn’t getting the intimacy I needed and was too young and emotionally immature to be able to ask for it.

We have been split for 3 years now. I broke his heart and I feel horrible but, I needed that break. I was happy once we split. We were each others firsts and onlys and I needed to experience dating.

We text message now and then. Well I text him. He confessed to me the other day that he’s not over me and probably won’t ever be because he was so in love. It really got to me. I started remembering and missing him. He’s everything I need yet I seem to be drawn to “bad boys.”

I would love if him and I could work it out and get back together but I’m not sure that is possible. I love that I know I can trust him 100% and that our relationship was a well balanced one. He can give me security and I know he would love me for the rest of my life if I would let him.

I just don’t know if I can get that sexual spark back. I am 24 and he is now 28. Do you think we can fix this problem? Or should I continue on my journey to finding someone with the passion I desire?

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Answer:

Your second sentence reveals a lot about the problem and the question you are asking. You state that, “I wasn’t getting the intimacy I needed…” In other words, there were things about him that were such that your needs were not being met. Clearly, among those needs were sexuality. My guess is that he was not intimate in other ways, as well.

What is concerning is that, five years later, you may be romanticizing the way things were between the two of you. You also blame yourself for the relationship not working out and are convinced that you “broke his hear.” However, it’s significant, I think, that you E. Mailed him and he responded rather than the other way around. In other words, this seems to be a guy who is not aggressive. In fact, that is the reason you like “bad boys.” I am assuming that, what you really mean is that you like boys or men who are sexually and personally aggressive and can be emotionally intimate as well as sexually. By the way, I’m using the word “aggressive” in it’s non judgmental way and not in it’s worst way. Aggressive also means firm, confident and decisive and not violent or mean.

By the way, I can’t help but say that, you trust him “100%” because he is not a strong and decisive man.

One additional observation is that you were very pleased after the relationship ended.

In the end, only you can decide what you want to do. However, your E. Mail reveals a lot about your true feelings and thoughts.

Best of Luck 

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