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Ex-Girl Friends Pictures On Boyfriend's Computer

Question:

A while ago my boyfriend was showing me some pictures on his computer when a picture of an ex-girlfriend came up. I told him I was uncomfortable with it being on there and we got into a fight. He said he would delete them. A few days later I found they were still on there and there were other photos of an ex-girlfriend. Another fight ensued. I knew I was wrong for looking. Since then I trusted he had deleted them and didn’t think about it. A few months later I was visiting him while he was away at work. He left me his computer as I didn’t have mine. I was saving a picture from the internet and when I tried to look for it I found a folder that wasn’t there before.  I opened it up, thinking my photo was there only to find not only had he transferred the photos I had seen to this folder but hundreds of pictures and videos of ex-girlfriends, all naked and rather graphic. It was wrong to look but we’ve been dating for two years now and I don’t see why they are there. I feel like I’m no competing against these women. He knew I was uncomfortable and not happy yet he kept them and more. I feel like these now mean more to him than I do…..

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Answer:

At the very least your boyfriend is being insensitive to your feelings. More than that he seems to be lying to you if he is promising to delete the photos. Considering the fact that you have been dating for two years, it is very puzzling as to why he keeps the photos.

You report that these are pictures of past girl friends and that many of them are nude pictures. Is it possible that these are really pornographic pictures he got off of the internet? Of course, it really makes no difference because he is being dishonest with you.

A healthy intimate relationship rests on a foundation of trust. Clearly, there is a lack of trust between the two of you. It is so interesting that he loaned you his computer with the photos stored there. Did he really believe that you would not find them? Were you really looking for a picture of your own or was that an excuse to search for the problematic pictures of old girl friends? Either way, there is a lack of honest and direct communication with each other.

Assuming that the two of you are thinking of marriage, (you have been seeing each other for two years), there are some things you need to keep in mind. For example, if he is insensitive to your feelings now there is a good chance that he will be just as insensitive in the future. Second, when people decide to marry they must remember that they cannot and should not try to change that person. In other words, if this is the way your boyfriend is now, that is the way he will be in the future.

Having said that, there are a couple of things you could think about doing: First is to have an honest talk where you listen to what he says and try to understand and where you try to explain how hurt you feel and how you need him to think of your feelings. If the two of you cannot have an open and honest talk without fighting then I am not sure there is much hope for you in this relationship.

Remember, the issue is much less the fact that he has the pictures but that he keeps them secret and seems to not understand or care about your feelings.

Best of Luck

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