I am having a problem accepting a friend’s new relationship. I wouldn’t say we are close friends, but I have come to admire and respect this person. I am female – he is male. I just recently found out that he has been dating an exotic dancer. First, I hate the fact that right away I judged this person by their occupation rather than who they are and second I can’t shake the feeling of disappointment I have in my friend for pursuing this type of relationship. I know I am being judgmental but I really respected and admired him and somehow look at this relationship as being shallow. I just want to shake my disappointment and look at my friend the same way no matter who he is seeing. Can you help me deal with this feeling of disappointment? Up until this point I have really enjoyed the beginnings of this friendship, but now something is holding me back from calling him and asking why I had to find out from someone else.
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Talking to him about it may relieve some of your tension and disappointment in him. One of the big things I would ask him is why he never told you about her. He may not want to hurt your feelings or is afraid that you will not approve of her. Learn more about her and the basis of their relationship. She may be an intelligent woman like yourself, but on the other hand she could be very shallow. Getting to know her and their relationship more can help you deal with it. Let him know that you still are interested in pursuing a friendship with him. His relationship with her can be completely unrelated to your friendship. Your friendship does not need to suffer because of his new girlfriend. If you are interested in him romantically then you need to be aware of how that is influencing your judgements and decisions of him and her. Discovering your true feelings is important. You may come to realize that he is not as idealized as your previously formed impressions thought. Best of luck, – Anne