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He Has Hit Me On A Few Occasions ...

Question:

Hi, I really need some advice,my boyfriend of 5 months is very insecure not only about himself but also about me. He accuses me on a daily basis of being dishonest or sneaky about the most trivial things, for example if my cell is out of service and he cant reach me ( even for 10 mins) then i’ve been cheating… its really hurting me because he is someone i care alot about and I am not cheating on him. It has got to the stage where his temper has become violent. He has hit me on a few occasions and often threatens to do it again if he’s mad or annoyed about something i’ve done. How can i show him i’m not dishonest or cheating on him?

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

Don’t bother trying to show him that you aren’t dishonest or cheating on him. No amount of appeasment will help make him feel less insecure. Recognize that you are in an abusive relationship, and are being actively physically, verbally and emotionally abused. The smart thing to do is to bolt; to leave the relationship completely before you get locked into it more deeply (by pregnancy or children or marriage or shared property) and have less freedom to leave. Read this article to learn more about abuse.

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Comments
  • Nicki

    I think you should do what Anne says and that's to get the hell out of the relationship you're in now. I have been out with my boyrfriend for over two years but I would drop it all in a heartbeat if he hit me it wouldn't matter if he was drunk or sober. And it doesn't matter how long you've been with him either. I would leave my boyfriend without hesitation. A man who beats you isn't worth the time or effort. If he can hit once he will hit again. Don't stay with him.

  • Anonymous-1

    i have been in a relationship with the same person for 10 years.....

    and he has always hit me and hurt me emotionally and phyiscally and i keep stayin with him he has cheated on me so many times over 10 years its actually a joke. he really uses all the words to win me back.

    i wish i was strong enough to leave him... he makes me feel i wont get any better and he will treat the next girl better then me. and that really hurts. i dont kno what to do.

    if it was only 5 months of a relationship i would of been gone in a flash but 10 years just seems harder to walk away. but we dont have kids or even live together nothing. i just cant let go... i have tryed i have no ideal what to do either.

  • Anonymous-2

    Nicki, I appreciate your comment but you don't know what you would do if your boyfriend hit you because it's never happened. I'm not trying to be insensitive but you can't understand what that feels like. When the person you think you love more than anything is abusive to you. Just like I couldn't judge the actions of anyone else if I hadn't stood in their shoes. Anne: I left my abusive relationship 2 years ago. We were together for 4 years and shared a home and two cats. While in the relationship I thought I loved him desperately. I thought he could change. I thought I was the one with the jealousy problem. Fast forward two years. After leaving I found out my fears were valid that he was cheating on me constantly and now I'm with a man who is the love of my life and would never in a million years touch me or make me feel bad about myself. TRUST YOUR GUT. He will try to tell you not to and you're being crazy but it's right 99.9% of the time. I spent a year after the breakup looking at myself and what would lead me to date someone who would hurt me and I realized that I should have left much sooner. And although it wasn't my fault that he abused me, it was my fault for allowing myself to depend on him for my self worth. I'm not going to tell you to leave the man youre with because people telling you to do it doesn't help. What I'm going to tell you is this...focus on you. Find out what you love doing and what makes you happy totally separately from him and do it as much as possible. If that's singing, or working with animals, or reading, or going to school...whatever it is focus on doing things that make you really feel good outside of the relationship. And I think you might start to find that you can start seeing him and your relationship to him in a clearer light because he's not the source of every bit of happiness in your life. I don't know, I wish someone had told me this 4 years ago. Good luck.

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