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He Won't Tell Me Why...

Question:

I am an ex-bulimic and I suffer from depression (for which I am seeing a psychiatrist). My problem is that 5 months ago I started going out with a guy who is 6 years my junior (I am 23 and he is 17). All the time he was head over heals in love with me, but then all of a sudden he left me. He refuses to tell me why, but claims that he still loves me. He also asked me not to call him. It has been 2 months now, and I cannot seem to get him out of my mind. I love him even more, and I spend most of my days crying over him. I am more depressed than ever and no medication seems to help. Please help me!

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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Answer:

Medication can’t solve all your problems. You have to keep in mind that although he may be mature for his age, he is seventeen. And although there are only six years between your ages, those are six important years. He probably has a lot on his mind right now…graduation, applying to college or finding a job, etc. All you can do is give him time. If he doesn’t want to see you right now, just give him his space. If he wants to be with you, you will know. It is not uncommon to end a relationship with cajolery. Only he knows whether or not he truly loves you. It hurts me to say this, but he may have been softening the blow when he told you that he still loves you. It sounds as though you are dwelling on these words. I know it’s easier said than done, but you do need to try and get on with your life. The more you think about him, the worse you will feel. You need to get your mind off your situation. In my opinion, time does heal all wounds. Give yourself some time to heal. Focus on yourself instead of him. I know you probably feel terrible right now, but this will make you a stronger, wiser person. Best of luck, – Anne

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Comments
  • Zach

    This happened to me very recently but is a little more complicated, my girlfriend I've seen on and off for years now came back to me last month. I did tell her I just wanted to be her friend at first but it got out of hand and we ended up having sex again. This was not a good idea I thought she loved me in a romantic way (love is also a little complicated) but she didn't any more. A few weeks later she said she was going to her parents house but she didn't she was going to another person she loves. The thing that hurt the most was the lying but it also really hurt me because I did love her in that romantic way. But we talked about it which is really important and we can still love each other in a non-romantic way just as friends. I know I'll still be crying thinking about the whole thing but it's not the end of the world. Anne is right about focusing on yourself instead of this guy it really will help you get over it in time but I'd also suggest talking to him if you guys really can love each other still and not be together. It's really hard to deal with but you have only been with him 5 months I'm sure you can deal with this in time very easily. I've been with my friend here for several years it was very difficult to deal with what happened and I'm still upset but I try to do what Anne says here, give yourself time and focus on yourself do what you need to do with your life.

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