Question:
Please help me to get my son away from his uncurable morbid, delusional and insanely jealous girlfriend. It has ruined his life, friendships and ability to earn an income, because he is a tattoo artist and she destroys, in every way, his business relationships with his female customers. He has been destroyed mentally and physically by this girl and as much information as I give him from the different sites, he will not listen to me that she is uncurable. He is sick now himself. I am worn out from trying to stop his maddness of constantly telling her he is not cheating. You are so needed to save this relationship between my son and myself. I really won’t give up on him but when will it ever end? When will he walk away and see the light. Please help us.
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Answer:
I can feel the urgency in your plea but there are a few very important things that I believe you need to understand. First among these things is the simple fact that your son is entitled to live his life in his way and according to his preferences regardless of what his mother believes.
You see, it it not a matter of you "giving up on your son," but of you separating yourself from him and living your life.
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That brings me to the second understanding that you need to gain. The fact is that there is no reason why your son’s romantic involvments, whether happy or unhappy, should involve you. If you want to protect your relationship with your son, then, BACK OFF. He has a right to make his own decisions and his own mistakes. He will "see the light" when he is good and ready. Or, he will not see the light. Either way, this is up to him.
Third understanding: the more you try to "help him" the more he will fight you. You are making yourself, his mother, into the enemy, instead of the girlfriend.
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You must stop living his life and live your life. stop going to web sites, stop looking for information, stop trying to end his girl friend problems and leave him to figure out or not figure out these things for himself.
If you cannot do this then, my sincere suggestion is that you seel psychotherapy for youself and I say this respectfully. Stop making yourself miserable. Remember the Serenity prayer:
"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."
Mom, there are certain things you cannot and should not change or try to change.
Good Luck
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