Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

Help My Son With His Morbid Jealous Girlfriend, Get Him Out.

Question:

Please help me to get my son away from his uncurable morbid, delusional and insanely jealous girlfriend. It has ruined his life, friendships and ability to earn an income, because he is a tattoo artist and she destroys, in every way, his business relationships with his female customers. He has been destroyed mentally and physically by this girl and as much information as I give him from the different sites, he will not listen to me that she is uncurable. He is sick now himself. I am  worn out from trying to stop his maddness of constantly telling her he is not cheating. You are so needed to save this relationship between my son and myself. I really won’t give up on him but when will it ever end? When will he walk away and see the light. Please help us.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

I can feel the urgency in your plea but there are a few very important things that I believe you need to understand. First among these things is the simple fact that your son is entitled to live his life in his way and according to his preferences regardless of what his mother believes.

You see, it it not a matter of you "giving up on your son," but of you separating yourself from him and living your life.

That brings me to the second understanding that you need to gain. The fact is that there is no reason why your son’s romantic involvments, whether happy or unhappy, should involve you. If you want to protect your relationship with your son, then, BACK OFF. He has a right to make his own decisions and his own mistakes. He will "see the light" when he is good and ready. Or, he will not see the light. Either way, this is up to him.

Third understanding: the more you try to "help him" the more he will fight you. You are making yourself, his mother, into the enemy, instead of the girlfriend.

You must stop living his life and live your life. stop going to web sites, stop looking for information, stop trying to end his girl friend problems and leave him to figure out or not figure out these things for himself.

If you cannot do this then, my sincere suggestion is that you seel psychotherapy for youself and I say this respectfully. Stop making yourself miserable. Remember the Serenity prayer:

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

Mom, there are certain things you cannot and should not change or try to change.

Good Luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Comments
  • Michael

    For the Mother who's so desperate to get her son out of this horrid relationship: My brother was in a relationship quite similar to the one your son is in. His "girlfriend" was just as terrible. She was obsessive,jealous,controlling, and worst of all abusive both mentally/emotionally and physically. She would harass him at his job(he is a freelance painter) in front of other people, she would start fights with waitress' and the like(basically anyone that was a female!). She was completely out of control. He would continually "repair" his relationship just to have the same situations repeat themselves. Although my family was not supportive of this relationship nor her, he did not care. As the good Doc said - it's his life let him live it. And so we did. Eventually she decided to act irrationally in public. She damaged public property and was physically abusing him when the onlookers called the police. She is now in jail! She will undoubtedly be there for a while considering the number of laws she broke and put on public display! My brother had no choice but to move on. He is now with delightful young lady who is an incredible influence in so many positive ways! ......and nobody had to interfere - the situation will inevitably rectify itself. This young lady your son is with will eventually get herself into trouble through her own actions or she will behave so terribly that your son will see the light!

  • Anonymous-1

    What about when your granddaughter is involved? How do you handle that? The mother constantly calls and uses my granddaughter to get next to my son because they are no longer together.

  • Heart broken mum

    How easy it sounds to BACK OFF< LIVE OUR OWN LIFE. A mums bond to her child is so strong, if they hurt we hurt, it's hard to go about living if there is turmoil with one of your own.I too have a son who's girlfriend has caused immeasurable pain for our whole family, my son included. She feeds on our pain and I know it, she is like noone I've ever come across. As a mum I feel devastated that I am unable to protect my grown child. He is 19, she is 17, with a child to someone else. She steals, cheats and takes drugs, her hate for us is clear. She boasts of getting pregnant and leaving the state with our grandchild just for kicks and of her power to control our son.At one point we took her in and tried to help her but she brought criminals to our home and was not a good person to have around my young ones. I have other children so am trying hard to focus on their wellbeing and stepback. My son seems blind, he knows she's cheated, prostituted herself, steals (from us included) and hates us. He says he loves her, he too takes drugs now, I am scared, he talks of taking his life, he's lost, sometimes he is there behind his blank stare and he says he loves me.But he seems incapable of understanding what he's doing and has no reponse to anything evil she does.I have helped him many times with his depression by taking him to the doctors trying to get him to councillers and just holding him when each time she hurts him.There are ex boyfriends of hers out to get him who are a real threat. She plays men and gets then to buy her things, she travels the states and tells them she's holidaying so they wait thinking that have a girlfriend all the while they've been had. My son thinks that she actually loves him, just as the others do... she always returns to him but each time she damages him more. I am still shocked at how much she's done at such a young age, unless you were us you probably would not believe someone so young could have had time to do so much damage but its true.We have come to the point of not allowing her at our home and will not vist him while shes at our sons place . Our door is always open for him .I pray for all mums in this situation, I hope you can pray for me too, most important please pray for my son, and even for her and her son ( they live dangerously) ,child protective services are aware of her and have chased her before for her bad mothering. I don't wish her harm I just wish her away from my son and my family.

  • Worried Mom

    I have already lost one son from a domestic dispute and do not want to lose another. What can I do to prevent this?

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand