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Husband Hates Sex

Question:

My husband and I are both in our 30’s and this is not the first marriage for either of us. Our problem is that my husband does not like sex. Period. He hates it…thinks it is disgusting, stupid, worthless, etc. and all over the web I can find articles about men with low sex drive, but NONE that refer to men who absolutely detest sex. Of course, he did not tell me this prior to marriage, and we do not have sex at all. We married two and a half years ago and have made love maybe 10 times, and none at all within the last 7 months because he can’t stand it. He is not having an affair. I don’t think he is gay….we have talked about that at length. He is not willing to see beyond his hatred for sex to satisfy my needs, and that hurts. I don’t know what to do. I am about ready to leave as there are a multitude of other problems (This is affecting other parts of our marriage.) We have NO money for counseling, either, so we sought free counseling from a pastor, but my husband was not honest, so it did no good. Please help.

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Answer:

Sex is an important part of marriage, a vital one even and you are well within your rights to want it and expect it from your spouse. It is in fact odd, deviant even, for him to feel this way about sex. It makes me wonder about how this attitude came about inside him? I’ll wonder out loud if he was abused as a child? It is possible to be married without having a sexual relationship, but both partners have to want and agree to this arrangement in order for it to work. This is clearly not an option for you. There is a serious marital problem here that needs to be addressed. Going to see the pastoral counselor continues to be a good idea. Lay out the seriousness of this situation for your husband and help him to see that he cannot avoid it or bully you into submission about it. He has to either be strong and a partner and be honest about this, or he’ll be alone. If he won’t go to see the pastor with you, then go without him. Good Luck.

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