Question:
I have been married for the past 13 months. It is an arranged mariage and I have known my husband for only the past 15 months. Ever since our mariage we have lived more apart than together owing to our jobs and some medical problems. I am having difficulties adjusting to my husband and wonder if I should just give it up. I dont “LOVE” him and am sure he doesn’t either.
Recently I was sick and confined to the bed because of which I had to stay at my parents. My husband was least concerned about me and spent the weekends partying or hanging out with friends when that was the only time he could have paid me a visit and taken care of me giving my parents a much needed break. Is not being married a promise that the other person is there for you in sickness? I am deeply hurt by his behaviour and just do not see anything good in him. The way I see him, he is egoistic, tempermental, selfish, and a liar who cares about no one except himself. What hurts me most is he does not even talk to me but only screams. I have in the past (before and after marriage) caught him lying to me on several matters.
AdDo such people even have a chance of changing or should I just run away from him at the earliest? I am confused and do not know if this marriage is even worth the effort of trying to save it.
Please advise.
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Answer:
Arranged marriages are very different from the Western World’s notion of romantic love and romance as a reason to marry. However, there are successful arranged marriages and failed romantic marriages. In other words, the fact that your’s is an example of an arranged marriage does not mean that it is an explanation for your problems.
First, the fact that the two of you are only married for 13 months and are together rarely, means that there is little time to work out and resolve differences, conflicts and misunderstandings. For example, it might seem easy to think of your husband in the worst terms possible, there could be good reasons for his behavior. I don’t know what they are and, perhaps, neither do you. It seems that the two of you never have the opportunity to be together and talk so that he knows what you want and expect in marriage and so that you understand about him as well.
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Unless the two of you can spend real time together and without interruption, I don’t know if your marriage can succeed. Both of you need to be together and work on your relationship issues just as most couples do.
The bottom line is that, arranged marriage or not, you need a real chance to be together and talk together and be a real couple who learns to really understand one another.
Best of Luck
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