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I Could Be Happier...

Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for the past six years. I am very comfortable with him, and we get along great. The only problem is that he doesn’t excite me like previous boyfriends have. I think I see him more as a friend than a lover. I know that no one can be completely happy in a relationship, and that there are trade-offs. My problem is that I think I could be happier, but I’m afraid to leave him. What if I can’t find anyone better? He’s not exactly the guy I’ve dreamed about meeting since I was a little girl, but I do love him. I’ve dated a lot of other men; he seems to be the most compatible guy I’ve dated. I’ve never felt so comfortable with another person before. Could I just learn to be happy…? I really don’t want to hurt him.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
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  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

If you only think of him as a friend, then maybe it is time to move on. It sounds to me that you really want to leave him, but you are afraid that you may never find anyone else. You shouldn’t have to be in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy your needs. Your fear is not uncommon. We all fear that we’ll never find that special person, especially when we get older. Don’t let your fear discourage you; give yourself some time, and I’m sure you’ll meet the right guy. I think you are probably hurting your boyfriend by staying with him. He too deserves happiness. I’m sure that there is someone out there that can be completely happy with him as well. I understand that it is difficult to leave someone after 6 years, but it will only get more difficult the longer you wait. Do you honesty think that someone can’t be completely happy in a relationship? I believe that there is a special someone for everyone. Of course every relationship has its ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be happy. In your case it just hasn’t happened yet. Don’t settle because you think you won’t find anyone else. You will! Hope things work out, – Anne

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