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I Found Out My Husband Is Gay


Dear Dr Schwartz, We have been married for a while now and we have a daughter. My husband came out to me and his family a while ago and told me he didnt love me anymore. He doesnt respect me and is very inconsiderate towards my emotions and feelings. He is always putting me down, he is constantly angry and seems to hold a grudge towards me for keeping him attached to this relationship. Im at a loss, I still love him and would like things to go back to what they were at the time he still loved me and cared for me. Though he tries to reassure me he has no one, I often catch him looking for partners on a number of websites. I have been strong so far but I think the stresses and pains I have been through are slowly beginning to take their toll. I am at a total loss, not sure where to turn to for help. Family hasnt exactly been able to provide the support I needed due to the lack of understanding on the matter. Are we wrong in trying to make this work? Im trying to trust him and trying to do the right things to make this work but I feel betrayed, and having difficulty trusting him. Is there any hope for us?

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You did not "find out your husband is gay, he told you this himself.

It is extremely difficult for everyone to face the fact that a relationship is over. Most people want to cling to some hope for the future based on how good a relationship felt during the past. It is those vivid memories about the beginnings of being with someone that cause us to stubbornly stay with the same person regardless of how bad things are. It is not just memories of events that stay with us but the memories of the good feelings that interfere with our better judgment when we know something is over.

Your husband has come out to you and informed you that he is gay. Now you have a child and the situation is very complicated. Yet, how can either of you remain together in light of this information? Of course, some people in situations like this maintain a marriage of convenience, remaining with one another for reasons of convenience having to do with money, children or other similar factors. A "marriage of convenience" presumes that each member of the partnership is free to pursue their romantic interests. However, what you are asking for is to turn the clock back so that you and your husband can resume your original relationship.

There is a problem in what you are asking for in that it flies in the face of reality. Your husband has stated to you that he is gay. That is not a choice of his nor is this the first example of someone marrying, having children and coming out about being gay. He cannot love you in the same way he did because of his sexual orientation. The fact that he is irritable and nasty to you should provide you with more reason to want to end the marriage.

In my opinion, and please remember, this is just an opinion, there is no hope for this marriage because of the sexual orientation issue. That does not mean that he cannot be a good father to your daughter but he cannot be a good husband to you. In my opinion, you would do better to face the fact, as they are, and move on with your life. Moving on would probably mean divorce so that you each could pursue your individual lives while loving and caring for your daughter.

Good luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

  • John

    I'm not saying that you will ever have a good marriage or even a decent one, but this guy needs to step up and remain committed to you in terms of raising the kids together.

    He obviously is a very selfish person to marry you, have children, and then decide that his "happiness" is more important than your family. I can say this because I know a gay man who was in the same situation but sucked it up and stayed married with his wife until his kids were 18. He recognized the mistake he made by getting married and didn't try to get out of taking responsibility later on.

    We aren't all entitled to happiness -- and certainly not at the expense of those we love. Being gay does not make you court, propose, and marry a woman. It doesn't make you have a child with that person. This man got himself into your family and now is a little late to get out.

  • been there

    She is in shock. She "found out [her] husband is gay" through the means of him telling her. Your distinction seems irrelevant. Yeah, he told her. So what? She is heartbroken still.

    There is unfairness to her. And I am sure she feels it right now. Sure he didn't choose to be gay, but he chose to hide it from her. He made those choices! Now, his truth, his revelation had destroyed her life. Simply not fair.

    What you seem to miss is that she is in pain. She has loss. This is not about her husband, but about her. Her life has been flipped on its head. She needs to grieve this loss. It will be very hard for her. But, I hope she will come through it to see that what she thinks she wants now ---for things to be the way they used to be --- is not good FOR HER in the longrun.

    She should surround herself with close friends and family and grieve the loss. She will come through it.

    She is not the first to go through this.

    Editor's Note: Good points all true.

  • gina

    My husband is a gay for sure i know, but he has no guts to come out and tell me, he has ruined my life for past 13 yrs, unhappily married, we never have sex at all, but i have a child, I am angry and mad at him always. I always ask him to come out and tell me and then we can go our own way, but he is too worried about public i feel. You should be happy that your husband is honest and came out and told u, than ruining both ur lives and ur child's life by being unhappy. If he is not happy, then please leave him and move on, u will find out that you will be much happier than living a life of lie and cheat. I wish my husband would do that. I just hate him every second for ruinin our lives.

  • Sage

    My husband told me last year that he is gay. After years of speculation he finally came out to me. Though I'm glad he did I am still very hurt and angry very angry. I feel used. I feel like he used me to "look" straight for 15 years he took my life. I always think about why did he marry me? He used my body to produce children (children that he doesn't even really want to be bothered with) ex. I take the kids to the zoo, six flags, water park, play catch with them we don't do anything as a family. I do all the things that a father should do and then I am a mother. I do everything. I'm getting mad even writing this comment. Of course my kids don't know about him yet, so the kids don't understand, they think he doesn't like to do these things.

    I also have trouble trusting people now because of this. I know I don't ever want to get married again, or am I feeling this way because I am bitter? I don't ever tell anyone that my husband is gay I am so embarassed, I know that I am not the cause but I do feel responsible some how. I do all of the "if only I". If only I were this, If only I were that. Things could have been so different if he was honest with himself, he would have been happy and maybe so would I be right know, if he wouldn't have pulled both of us into this lie. He could have been with the man of his dreams and I could hve been with a man of my dreams.

  • Kirk

    There is a tremendous amount of pressure for people to be "normal." Even in more open areas like the arts, being openly gay is seen as a risk to career, friendships & family relations. I can see why people would go for the ultimate cover up of marriage. It's a terribly wrong thing to do, a horrible betrayal but I suppose I can see why they do it. I suspect that many of these folks are unsure of their true sexuality and sincerely hope that marriage will change them. The (IMO) myth that people can be counseled or prayed into being straight doesn't help either. I feel great sympathy for the spouses in this situation. Things will only change when people feel free to open acknowledge their sexuality without fear.

  • Jamie

    I disagree with John's comment. Everyone has a right to happiness. Perhaps he did not know he was gay until after he had the child, got married, etc. I applaud him for telling his wife the truth, and letting her find love again with someone who can return it, instead of choosing to live a lie.

  • Anonymous-1

    I am married and gay. I told my wife of my "struggle" before we married and we have spoken of it many times. When we were younger we were members of a church that believed I could change... it didnt.

    15 years and 3 children later I am still here but broken. I love my wife more than I can articulate and the idea of hurting her is unbearable to me. I honestly dont even know if I could live without her... I love her so much. We have talked honestly about it all through our marriage.

    Yet I am still broken and yearning for fullness. When I read the posts above... I struggle with whether I am being selfish by staying... or by leaving?? Am I being selfish by bringing closure and allowing her and I the chance for a different life or by staying and holding on.... even if she and I both pay the price for it. Would my kids survive this?

    My heart breaks for my wife and the women above. If I had known what I truly understand now I would have never put her through this. I was young, living in a different (non gay friendly) era and truly believing that this would resolve itself. I NEVER set out to hurt this woman that I love so much.

  • chloe

    I sympathize with all the people who have children with a gay spouse. My ex is gay and when I was trying 15 years ago to get answers and the emotional support from others. No one wanted to even touch the subject. I would like to thank everyone who has commented. I use to feel like this has only happened to me, but know I see that many peolpe are dealing with this issue or have dealt with this issue. I am still having a hard time because there are a lot of men know days, who are on the "down low".

    I have found it very hard to date because I find myself looking for anything to make sure he is not gay.

  • v.r.

    i dont know about my boyfriend we are getting marry but i think he is gay because i found pix of a gay guy in his picture and pix of this gay gay dick and when i asked him about it he got man and said what do u want me to say im gay and i said no i just want the truth and he got mad but later on he said it was a joke but i dont believe him because if it was why would he left it in his phone over 2 months i cry every night not know i feel for everyone who have to go through this because i love him

  • yogi

    I'm gay ..I dated women and even told some i was bisexual ..i loved them and found them attractive sexually . I finally realized tho that i am truly gay.You wouldn't know it to look at me.

    I once spent some time with a man who said he was gay but wanted to get married so he could succed in business. This was what people want to see in these business situations-family life.I never spoke to him after that.The sheer selfishness of that statement made me decide to not lie to the women i dated.I was unsure of my sexualty ot even afraid of it .I was not going to lie though. i can only imagine how unhappy he and she are right now!

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    To all who have posted on this issue:

    This is an extremely complex issue that has little or nothing to do with selfishness or a wish to deceive. Many of the men who know they are gay or bisexual, want to marry because they want a family. They want a family not for business reasons but because they really wish to have a normal life. I have know several cases in which this type of man was honest with his future wife and they did marry. In these cases, the marriage went ahead, they had children and raised them but, ultimately, the marriages failed. Both people were fully aware of the issues involved.

    It goes without saying that being lied to and deceived is terrible and there is no excuse for it. In some cases it has to do with deep feelings of shame about being gay. In other cases, these are men who are not yet aware or conscious of the fact that they are gay. And, yes, there are always a few who simply lie. But, in most cases I do not believe this is the case.

    In the end, it is tragic for all involved.

    One last note: Althoug it is less common for young males than females, there are lots of cases of teenage boys experimenting with homosexuality BUT, they are NOT GAY and go on to have fully healthy heterosexual lives.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • h.c.

    After over 20 years of marriage and parenting two beautiful daughters I've found out that my husband is gay. I left that afternoon and haven't seen him since. I saw a lawyer, the sharpest in our small town the next morning. I never knew that I could experience pain as acute as what I felt that second day. I spent a good deal of it breathing into a paper bag as I experienced the first panic attacks I've ever had.

    And yet I have empathy for this man who was my husband. He was raised by parents who where forty years old when he was born and who live in a very, very rural area where it seems time stood still in the 1950s. He hasn't admitted to me or our children that he is gay. He may not have admitted it to himself.

    I had clues through the years and we went to therepists 4 or 5 times during our marriage but no one was able to get to the bones of our situation. I knew something was wrong. I knew I wasn't loved like my married friends were. I wondered why he always fell asleep on the couch and why he prefered to whine about never having sex much more than he liked to have sex. I wondered why he would attempt to fake orgasm on the rare occasions when we did have sex. I wondered why he was so akward and seemed so very removed during those times.

    The first time I found his stash of gay porn was a revelation to me. It made sense, and yet, after another therepist gave me some song and dance about "polyamorie", I stayed in the marriage. The second a business partner and dear friend found his gay porn in the business we all share, I was out of there. There was no going back.

    I still wonder how I could have setteled for so little for so long. His constant lies about the most inconsequental things became the expected rather than a surprise. Why did I think it was ok that he never touched my tummy when the babies moved? Why was it ok that he moved his hand when I tried to hold it? I have many things to work out about my part in this tragedy, because that's what it is, a tragedy. Except for my beautiful girls, I feel I've lost my chance at love. I don't think I'll ever trust again.

    Open acceptance of gay people could prevent these kinds of victomizations. If gay men and women were treated as equals, the need to "trick" a woman into being a beard for a gay man would be gone.

    I'm sad but I'm not bitter.


    ME AND M7Y HUSBVAND HAVE BEEN MARRRIED FOR 7 YRS AND THEN I FOUND HIS STASH OF GAY PORN. I LOVE HIM BUT HES GAY,......WUT DO I DO????????????????? HELPO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous-2

    I would recommend getting out of the relationship as soon as possible, especially if you have children, young children who are probably heartbroken over the fact that you and your husband (their father I assume) are not the same. Not only do they have to adjust to dad not being around or being married to mom anymore or the emotional instability, but they also have to be subjected to dad's new lifestyle (and perhaps behavior, attitude, and dress), which may cause resentment and low self-esteem in the child(ren).

    If it is just you, I still recommend that you leave the relationship and perhaps seek counseling if this is something that has disturbed you. I can understand how earth shattering finding out your husband is gay can be. It is very painful.

    Additionally, it is also good to keep in mind that it can also pose health risks to you if you stick around. If he is "dating" another man chances are he is intimate and if he tries to become intimate with you, your chances of becoming a victim of a disease increases.

    Furthermore, this extreme change is not healthy for your frame of mind. To sit back and watch this person completely change is emotionally draining. The only person you can help right now is you and I encourage you to think about yourself (and your children if there are some in the picture).

    I wish you well

    Dr. T

    Editor's Note: It should be pointed out that any extramarial affairs will heighten risk of the partner contracting a sexually transmitted disease and bringing it into the marriage. This is not a risk that is specific to homosexuality - it's a risk that is present in any extra-marital affair. I think the risk that Dr. T alludes to - that the children may be harmed by the specifically homosexual quality of their father's affair is debatable. I, for one, don't think there is anything wrong with such interest per se, and I don't see reason for why kids should be specifically harmed by such an interest. What does seem likely to be harmful, on the other hand, is the revelation that the parent is having an affair at all. Knowing that there is a serious risk to parent's marriage is deeply frightening to children, in my experience. The specific nature of the threat is maybe less important.

  • Anonymous-3

    While I appreciate the editor offering clarification, I do believe it is fair to the rights of these women that they are reminded to consider that their children can certainly be affected. Of course there will be emotional changes when a parent has an affair and leaves the family. But we must not undermine the fact that the father is not in a relationship with another woman, but another man. The "specific" threat is certainly significant and according to the ethical standards "counselors" and therapists are held to, we should not turn a blind eye to what could cause individual emotional instabilities/disturbances in a child. It is not fair to subtract from the reality of the situation. Every child is affected differently and should be respected for this.

    It may seem counterintuitive to think in these ways to you, but we must do things in the best interest of the child. I don't think it is "ethical" to the rights of children to bring in the current social interests of society and blatantly attempt to reduce the possible significance of an overall change of character and its relation to psychological/emotional acceptance.

    Although the data remains limited, since investigations focus on small numbers of couples who have not been selected at random, essentially, lets be honest, it is a very significant and extreme change when a child once sees dad with mom and later dad with another man.


  • Michelle

    My husband and I have been married for almost seven years. We are rarely intimate. We were intimate prior to marriage. After marriage the intimacy quickly died. Over the past couple of years my father got very ill and it took a lot of my time away. My husband, Alan, began to start doing his own things. He would frequently go on long bike rides, spend hours at the gym and leave the home alone to care for our daughter. I suggested that we go to counseling many times throughout our marriage. My husband went a few times with futile effort. We are now going through a divorce. He has locked me out of our home. A neighbor reports he has a male spending the night who has the key to our home and mailbox which I no longer have. I am shocked yet still don't want to think that he could be gay and fantasize about the beginning of our marriage and our dreams. I am deeply wounded and struggling to move foward. My husband and I no longer talk and he acts like he hates me. Two months ago he loved me more than anything. (At least that is what he said) Please help.

  • Anonymous-4

    Hi Michelle,

    It is shocking to hear that your husband has "locked you out of the house." Assuming that you live here, in the United States, your husband has no right to lock you out because the house, be it apartment or private single family home, is joint marital property. This is an issue you must take up with your lawyer.

    I assume that you have custody of your daughter. It is unclear why your husband would love you two months ago and, now, behave in ways that are so hurtful.

    Clearly, this marriage is over. However, the impact on your daughter is what is so troubling. When a marriage does not work out and people divorce, it remains important for parents to behave in civil and cooperative ways with one another. The reason has to do with the emotional health and well being of the child.

    If your husband is gay there will be an extra difficult adjustment for her to make but that will only be possible, in a healthy way, if the two parents cooperate.

    As for yourself, obviously, it is devastating to deal with a divorce and to lose a husband to another man, rather than a woman, can be especially difficult, although neither is good.

    I recommend that you enter psychotherapy for yourself. This is clearly a very depressing and anxiety provoking time for you and for your daughter. By helping yourself, you will also be helping her. Also, remain in close touch with your lawyer and find out if there is some way you and your divorcing husband can reach an accomodation that protects your daughter, whoever his new lover may be.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Anonymous-5

    I am just coming out of a 30 year marriage to a Gay man, I feel like my life has rotted away with someone who has refused to move out of the matrimonial home. I can't even be bothered with the emotions of gay men as far as I am concerned I am glad I am going. Gay men should move on and get a truthful life that dosn't ruin other womens lives. I am middle aged now and starting over again, having to work and keep myself, no early retirement for me I married a liar and a waster. Any woman in a gay marriage with children or without I strongly advise them to Divorce. My life has ended in me being depressed unloved unwanted no self esteem on Anti depressants. So all you ladies out there no ifs and buts get divorced because it won't work, marriage to a gay selfish man takes your very soul. I learnt the hard way but what life I have left will be not spent caring for an old Gay sick man I have thrown him to his lovers for wasting my own life away. I also had to spend time in the sexual disease clinic getting tested which even braught my moral lower. Good Luck and take this post seriouslyif you want to be a loved and wanted lady.

  • MNS

    Reading all this stuff about "My husband is gay" made me recall a rather exhaustive article about Homosexuality in Scientific American 2005. Basically the gist of the article was that many men are bisexual, and there are very few entirely homosexual or entirely heterosexual men. For those who are truly gay, this is a matter of irreversable hormonial changes in the brain which occured during pregnancy. You cannot change this orientation. For those who are bisexual, one can choose your sexual orientation and hence the claims by some religious groups that conversion methods work. I can't give any advice to women whose husbands are "gay" but to try to let go of the past and live in the moment. Forgve. Love. Be eachothers best friends and see where things go.

  • Anonymous-6

    As you can tell by the therpist's cold advice to move on with your life. Her dreams of a loving family life are crushed by someone who took a vow before God and the congregation but now wants to be a selfish pig.

  • Patricia

    I was married to my husband for 32 years and have two beautiful adult sons. After 32 years of a so called perfect marriage, good sex, etc. I found out that my husband was having affairs with multiple men, at least 10 that I know about. He was on Craig's list. That put my STD risk at having been exposed to approximately 100 men. Considering that men who have sex with men are at greater risk for HIV and Hepatitis A & B, this was very distressing to me. Thankfully I am negative for HIV and Hepatitis, but have tested positive for HPV and Molluscum. He had no intention of disclosing this to me, until he was found out. He travels globally for his job, so that even put me more at risk. Once I confronted him, he became angry and entitled and blamed me for the failure of the marriage. Although I tried to discuss his secret lifestyle with him, he refused to discuss anything with me. I have reached out to him on a number of occassions, but he continues to shut me out. I feel so betrayed. I believed he was by best friend in life and the person I trusted completely. I am in health care, so I am not blind to the sexual orientation issue, but that does not entitle someone who is a gay man to hide behind a woman, procreate children and then be a coward about it and walk away with no discussion. he told me he was planning on keeping up the charade forever.

    It has only been a year, so the wounds are still fresh. I am allowing myself the grief process, and rebuilding my life. While I understand the societal pressure about being gay Dr. Schwartz, I think you need to take a look at how the straight spouse feels about the situation.

  • Terry

    My husband just had a mental breakdown. Out of it all, he informed me that he was homosexual as he sat me and our 14 year old daughter to tell us. He also called his daughter from a previous marriage who is 35 and then called our 30 yr old son. The daughters took it a lot better than the son.

    He told me he could never have loved me emotionally. But he didn't want to lose me. I realized I was just a surrogate mother for him because the relationship with his mother was the pits. He said he lied to me for 30 years.

    So after being in a mental hospital for 3 weeks, he is regretting everything that has happened. He is back home and doesn't want a divorce. We are scheduled for family therapy and it is there where he will find out that I want a divorce. Why would he think I would want to live with him now? He said he was unfaithful more than 15 yrs ago. I don't care if it was 15 yrs or 2 mos, he put me in danger and I didn't know it. As Patricia, it was very humliating for me to walk into my obgyn office and request every STD test done because I did not know what he has done., with whom and when.

    I do love him but not as a husband either because he pushed me away about 15 years ago. Our sex life was ok, not great but ok. I never suspected that he didn't love me years ago, not now because as I said he pushed me away that I guess I was used to the relationship and stayed in it this way. Now, I want out!

  • Allan N. Schwartz, Phd

    Hi Terri,

    I fully understand your wanting to end this marriage. Marriage rests on the ideal of monogamy. That means that two people who are married to one another remain loyal and committed to each other and the marriage. What I mean is that, if you are a man who is married to a woman, how can you be gay or bisexual unless you are living a lie. I believe it is this "lie" that has you angry and hurt.

    More than anger and hurt, do you believe this man has met your needs both sexually, personally and intimately? It sounds as though he has not.

    It does appear that he has a mental illness and that is very unfortunate. It explains his behavior but it does not make it right.

    I am a great believer in family or marriage therapy and you should attend, I think. You also have played a part in the drama between the two of you. Nevertheless, only you can decide what is best for your life.

    Good Luck,

    Dr. Schwartz

  • JakeH

    I know quite a few gay men who were once married to women. A decent amount of them did have some love for the women, and either were in a lot of denial about being gay when married or simply thought being gay was wrong or troublesome socially and that a marriage would change them ... but it obviously didn't work out in the end for them at least. I think this is getting better now though, as more gays are able to come out before they are pressured into a straight marriage, but this problem will still likely survive for generations.

    PS: For as much as the anti-gay crowd doesn't want gays to marry, or even be together ... I havn't seen really any people that thinks a gay man marrying a women is a great idea (which is what generally happens when they are forced into the closet). It is usually just sad affair for everyone involved.

  • nowalotwiser

    I fell in love with a closet homosexual, i found his transexual porn in his computer page after page after page...I also found his membership on a tranny dating site , and even though i confronted him about it he continues to deny it...Ladies just know that some men think if their sleeping with a tranny that means that they are not gay just because the tranny looks like a woman..but remember behind the wig,makeup and fake breast their is a dick between their legs....I think alot of down low men use this to confirm their denial of their sexuality...i have been fooled and im devastated..i never knew this even existed but it does...just remember to trust your intuition,it there for a reason.

  • Jag

    I am in h/care and I found some strange porn on my guys website. I noticed he every Friday night was talking to guys on his cell phone. Our love life was none-existant. He lied to me to have a baby. He works in fashion. I never got pregnant, he totally blamed me for the divorce, however he was barely here and functioning. He got ED with me, I think it was related to some sex orientation issues. I can't know for sure. I believe him to be bisexual mostly gay. It seems to have developed over some time over the marriage. He has co existing depression and overeating I believe due to the sexuality issue. I am not living in denial, have dated again and lo and behold, everything is going smoothly again there. That has led me to see better the truth of his situation. I am not telling his parents, but they don't understand why no baby, and no a divorce, and no new girlfriends, either. He plays video games as a girl at home.

  • Lola

    My husband and I have been together for 22 years - married for 15. We have two young children (4 and 9). A few years ago I found out my husband is gay, which was entirely devastating. I was a loyal and devoted wife, and continue to be. I gave up a successful career to support his career and raise our young children. Now I find myself with a horrible decision: if we get divorced I cannot be with my children each day, and I will worry about their wellbeing when they are with their father, given my husband's focus on himself. As such, I remain married and try to be a supportive spouse and partner to my husband. We are not intimate, and have not been so for years. He has a young partner, and a very dramatic on-and-off relationship. I feel utterly trapped. I am an educated woman, yet left my career for our family. I fear that if I get a divorce that my children will be neglected when with their father, and I cannot bear the thought of sharing custody. My husband married and had children as a cover-up and my children and I are the collateral damage. I have a huge weight on my chest at all times. I cannot confide in most friends or family as he is not out of the closet. It is an awful, awful situation. I was once an upbeat, professional, vibrant and happy woman, and now have suicidal thoughts. Gay closeted men - do not steal the youth of kind unaware women - it is simply not fair.

  • unsure

    I've contemplated the idea of whether or not I should marry a woman and pretend to love her, etc. I mean my family is very traditional and acts like I'm not even gay continuing to say it's just a phase that I'll grow out of it.

    I'm pressured to marry a woman to continue the family line especially since I'm the only male in my family of 4, but after reading some of the comments I am having second thoughts on that...

    It's unfortunate though, because if I pursue a homosexual relationship that would make me happy, I would lose my family...if I marry a woman I'd have a family, but I would apparently make the woman unhappy at some point and I would be as well...

    I am not sure exactly what to or myself, I hate making selfish decisions...

    You straight men are so lucky you don't have to deal with this *sigh* If someone responds to this I may read it at some point thanks for your responses

  • Anonymous-7

    I just had my boyfriend of four years and a couple of months tell me right to my face "I'm sucking the guys dick,fuck you!"I inquired as to what exactly is the relationship between him and this 26 year old guy(he's 56) anyway?He got mad as if I 'd hit a nerve and said this to me!I"ve had my suspicions for a while now..All he wanted was oral sex from me !!Hardly any intercourse.What hetro guy is like that?Somehow I still have feelings of some sort for whatever was good (SEX) between us, though!!How do I get RID of theses doomed desires?HELP!!!!p.s.He is a woman hater too and is emotionally abusive,cruel and sadistic ....

  • Allan N. Schwartz, Phd

    It seems to me there is only one thing for you to now. Get rid of this man. I am baffled that you report you still have feelings for him. He is disrespectful and abusive. Your dignity and self respect are more important than this nasty individual.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Anonymous-8

    One word keeps cropping up about these so called men, SELFISH. There really should be a law against these guys, it is pure fraud with very real damage to wives & partners!


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