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Insane Jealousy

Question:

How can you feel that you are a beautiful woman but still have such jealousy issues such as: can’t stand to see your partner talking or even looking at another woman? 

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Answer:

There are many explanations for why an individual may feel jealous. These explanations are as varied as the numbers of people who experience jealous feelings in their romantic relationships. Please understand that what I describe about jealousy may not be true about you unless you recognize something that seems familiar about your self.

You may tell yourself that you are a beautiful woman without really believing it. There are countless numbers of women who, despite their obvious beauty, think of themselves in the most negative terms possible. Some women explain this in terms of comparing themselves to other women. While they may recognize that they are beautiful, they are not convinced that they are the "most beautiful."

Remember the old fairy tale about the Witch and Snow White? The Witch, really representing all women, peers at herself and asks: "mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?" While the mirror told her that she was the most beautiful she felt fine. However, once the mirror changed and told her that now Snow White was the fairest of them all, the Witch was crushed.

In any case, it has been suggested that jealousy can have a lot to do with how a person "attaches" to other people. In other words, there are those who feel very secure in their personal and intimate attachments. On the other hand, there are those who feel very anxious in their attachments. For those who are "anxiously attached" threats to intimate relationships are seen everywhere. Consequently, jealous reactions are attempts to protect relationships that are viewed as essential to well being and to feeling loved.

There are those who view jealousy as a means to control the other person. This in no way substitutes for anxious attachment styles but gives further strength to that way of being. Thus, controlling another person can be away to keep potential threats to the relationship at bay.

Then, there is the view that jealousy is nothing but projection of one’s own impulses onto the romantic partner. In this way, it is the individuals own wish to "cheat" that gets turned into the thought and fear, "oh, you want to cheat." In other words, this is a kind of paranoid type of thinking.

I could go on with explanations but I think you get the idea.

However you wish to view jealousy, it is safe to say that it carries with it a fundamental lack of trust in other people.

There is a danger that comes with jealousy and it is that it can destroy a relationship. Some people turn to psychotherapy or couples counseling to learn how to deal with and stop this destructive process. That might be a good option for either your self or the both of you.

Best of Luck

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