Dear Anne, I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I really do love him very much, but the problem I have now is that I don’t know whether to continue with this relationship or not. You see my boyfriend has a problem. He is very insecure and cannot deal with the fact that I am not a virgin. I new this from the very beginning of the relationship but we went on anyways. he said he will get help, but hasn’t yet. He loves me very much also , say’s that I mean a lot to him. I just don’t now if he will ever be able to deal with it. He is going to see a psychologist this summer, after school’s over. I just don’t know if our relationship has any future. If it weren’t for this problem, I think he is my soul mate. I am willing to wait and help him go through the process. I think he had some kind of problems as a child that still make him an insecure person. Thanks , I will appreciate any help.
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Love, as they say, “is not enough”. It is really wonderful that you and your boyfriend love one another. This love can form the basis of a great life spent together. But love itself is not enough to make you compatible, especially over the longer haul of being together. You will also need to have mutual respect, acceptance and tolerance (among other important qualities). The way I see it, you will need to be satisfied that your boyfriend has come to terms with and can accept your sexuality before you can get comfortable thinking he is the one. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for abuse of one sort or another. You will need to decide how long you can wait to see if he can get himself together on this issue. I would counsel not waiting for more than a year. If he can’t get it together in a year’s time, it is unlikely he will get it together. I’d also recommend that both he and you get into some sort of counseling situation sooner, rather than later. This would be a place for him to work on his insecurities and for you to work on getting clear as to what you will tolerate and what you will not. Alternatively, you both might go for relationship counseling and work on these issues together. You have some difficult ‘trust’ decisions to make. Take Care, – Anne
More "Ask Anne" View Columnists