Question:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 years, and we agreed in the beginning (which I’m finding out now wasn’t a very healthy agreement) not to see friends of the opposite sex because it made both of us feel uncomfortable. During that whole time, I continued to still speak to my friend dave who is in the navy and speaks to me only about every 6 months, also he is of no interest to me romantically. Anyway, a few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I had a fight and broke up for 2 weeks. We got back together, but during those 2 weeks, I spoke to my navy friend, and put a picture of him in my glove compartment to show my friend who I thought he might like who is single. Anyway, needless to say, my boyfriend found the picture and I had to tell him the whole truth. Now he thinks i’ve been cheating on him all this time and I haven’t, and he doesn’t believe me because he says he can’t trust me right now and won’t be able to for a while. He says he feels like a fool because he gave up his female friends while I did what I wanted, and now he wants both of us to have whatever friends we want. Right after he found the pictures, he got really angry and made plans for a trip with his friend (who’s a guy) to his parent’s apartment in Fort Lauderdale for a week for spring break. This is making me VERY VERY uneasy. I feel like he’s going to cheat on me. He insists that he won’t, that he’s “not like me”, and that he just needs to get away for a little while. He says he has to trust me, so I have to trust him. What would you say about this? PLEASE HELP!!
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:
I’m glad to hear that you are aware that the decision you made not to see friends of the opposite sex was a mistake. I don’t know how anyone could manage to live in such a way. I think that you and your boyfriend need to come to terms with your honesty towards each other, as well as your jealousy. A healthy relationship is based on, among many things, the ability to love someone for who they are, which includes who they chose to be friends with. As for your boyfriend’s upcoming vacation, I’m hoping that he is not doing this to make you feel jealous or self-conscious. Regardless, the mature thing to do is to trust your boyfriend and use the time to think about how you can work through your problems through constructive communication when he returns. Take care, – Anne
- Ask Anne
Ad