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My Gay Son?

Question:

I have a 15 year old son that I suspect may have been sexually abused at a young age by one of our adult, male neighbors. He (my son) is very feminine in his behavior and gestures. We’ve found porno magazines (depicting men) in his room, and he seems almost consumed and preoccupied with something going on in his head. He has almost no self-esteem, and very few friends, none of whom are female. Personally, I’ve not yet been fully convinced by either side of the biological/psychological homosexuality argument, and have difficulty deciding how to seek help for my son. I just feel that if I don’t at least try, I may live to regret it. One thought that I did have is “hypno-therapy”. If he could be “brought back” to the point in time where the suspected abuse took place, he at least might be able to understand it, and go from there. My question is this: Do you know of any success stories where someone has been treated for homosexuality through regressive hypnosis, or do you know of any books or articles written on the subject?

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Answer:

It seems to me that there are two separate issues here. First, your son may have been sexually abused. If this is the case, counseling for him may be needed to help him come to terms with the incident. Besides the possible abuse, he sounds like he has lots of issues surrounding him, as most people do at this age. His behavior and lack of friends can be part of his identity formation which forms during these years. I would recommend counseling before hypnosis. Hypnosis has been most useful in areas such as breaking habits like smoking and overeating, or for relaxation. Counseling can help him work through issues in his life, and help you feel better about helping your son. Before sending him to therapy, make sure you explain why you are suggesting counseling to him, so that he does not feel guilty or resentful. If counseling does not help him then you can try hypnosis. Some people have had success with it, but some of its techniques are controversial, and if your son is not willing it will be futile. The other issue is whether or not your son is gay. This could be entirely unrelated. From your letter it sounds like you do not support homosexuality. Whether you do or not, your son if he is gay, probably feels great pressure and rejection from you and society because of his sexuality. The social stigma against homosexuality is strong. Since he is only 15, it’s likely he himself doesn’t know or fully understand his sexuality. Many adults for that matter do not understand their sexuality. You need to support and love your son regardless of his sexuality; you cannot “treat” homosexuality, but you can ease difficult situations that arise because of it. Even if you don’t think homosexuality is right, realize that there is more to your son that this. You are much more than your sexuality, and so is your son. An essay written by a parent whose child is a homosexual explains more of the issues dealing with this is at Perspectives: My Child is Gay. Another site about homosexuality that is very thoughtful and highly informative calledHomosexuality: Common Questions and Statements Addressed, may answer some of your questions. Sincerely, – Anne

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    If you can't have a fruitful conversation with him in regard to anything that may be on is mind, (which most kids and their parents are not comfortable with), then Therapy is the way to go, IF he is willing and understands that therapy is not a bad thing or something that he might be ashamed of. He key here is it seems to me is getting him to share his thoughts with someone that cares and would not talk to others about it. Someone that he could really open up to without feeling judged! for the most part life is pretty screwed up, so we have to fight to find ourselves while we try to deal with the world around us as well, a monumental task for anyone of any age even more so a young man. But if he is talking to the right people, then that is a big step forward!

  • Anonymous-2

    what a croc my son is gay so he must havecbeen sexualy played with as a kid.... pift! realy? id hate to be rased by some one who thinks like that! even if someone did theres no need to go fix his being gay not that u could he'd probly end up killin him self if ya tryed from all the bigotry you throin his way an if he is gay fyi he was born gay! not made gay fool

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