Hello I have some problems with obsessions since I was young. Now I am 19 years old and I have a crisis. My obsessions vary since have all right to murder and suicide. I recognize these thoughts as not mine and I don’t want to kill or die, but I have the compulsion to do some actions, like pick up a knife and ask me if I want really die or kill or go into someone and think that I will strangle him. I have anxiety if I don’t do that but I got even more anxious if I do. After that, I ritualize in order to not repeat these processes, but sometimes I can´t. I would like to know if an OCD person can be a murderer or if this is really OCD.
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There is now way any mental help professional can determine the nature of your thoughts and urges without directly talking to you. However, the fact that what you report goes beyond thoughts into actually picking up a knife makes it very dangerous. At least, that is my opinion. Also, thoughts of harming yourself or others can turn into action if they are persistent enough.
I want to encourage you to go for psychiatric help immediately. It would even be a good idea to go to the nearest hospital emergency room and report exactly what you are experiencing.
I urge this so that you avoid running any risk of harming your self or anyone else. Without a full evaluation from a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, there is no way anyone can tell you that you are safe.
Under the circumstances this is the best possible advice I feel comfortable giving you. If you are not comfortable going for help by your self, perhaps a close friend or loved one can accompany you.
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Please act quickly.
Best of Luck
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