Question:
I’ve had attacks at night where I wake up and my mind is not working properly – as if a part of it is missing. Then I’m overcome by the worst feelings I’ve ever had, as if someone is inside my head and judging me harshly. No matter what I try to think about I can’t get rid of the feeling. It’s as if everyone in the world, my family, even God, disapproves of me. Until recently the only way I’ve been able to pull myself out of it is by talking to someone and grabbing on (literally) to their reality. These attacks are infrequent and last at least 1/2 hour. What are these? Are they psychotic episodes? I have no physical symptoms, but I feel very detached from my body. I’ve even thought I was dead – and in Hell! I feel as if Satan is nearby and laughing at me. Thankfully I’m on medication now and hopefully will not experience these attacks anymore.
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Answer:
What you are describing could psychotic episodes, or it could be other things as well (conditions secondary to drug use, severe shame, dissociation, sleep disorder, etc.) or even a mixture of these conditions. Whatever its nature, what you are experiencing, (the judgment, the detached sensation, Satan’s presence) has a bit of a paranoid flavor to it. You mention that you are being medicated, but do not explicitly say whether the medication you have been prescribed is there for the purpose of helping your ‘attacks’. If you haven’t already done so, I would strongly urge you to visit with a competent psychiatrist who could help you to sort this out, and to prescribe medication that would help to treat such a condition.
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