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I’m about 8 months into a marriage separation and had thought, until recently, that I was doing rather well with the transition. My wife’s feelings about the marriage had changed and we both agreed that separation was the best answer. I have been dating someone for a few months now but I still maintain loose contact with my wife. Although I really want to see her and try to create some kind of friendship – it is too painful to see her in this way. I still dream about a reconciliation and would like to approach her on this option but my gut tells me that is truely just a “dream”. Am I torturing myself or can I create a positive out of seeing my wife from time to time as casual friends?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

Reconciliation is possible with even the worst relationships, so don’t discount yours. Keep in mind, however, that things like this take time to work through, and your wife may not be ready right now. Although she may have been the person to influence your separation, she may also be having a difficult time with the decision. And, the fact that you are seeing someone else, may also be complicating things. Take your time, and allow things between you and your wife to become comfortable again. Continue to keep your communication lines open. If you really want to create a friendship, you may need to be the one to initiate it, no matter how much her reaction may hurt you. It may take a few tries, but don’t let that discourage you — if it’s something you really want. Take care, – Anne

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