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Question:

My best friend, who is also named Lisa, has a new boyfriend. The last time she got a new guy she decided that her life was her boyfriend and forgot about her other friends. We got to the point where we didn’t talk for over a month, which almost completely ruined our friendship. It is happening all over again. He is already more important than all of her other friends. She comes to see him and ignores me when I am three feet away. I tried to tell her how I felt, but she totally went off on me, saying I was being selfish and that I was just wrong. I don’t know what to do. I need your help more than you could ever know!

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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Answer:

Your situation is not uncommon. Many of us have fair weather friends. From my experience, it is next to impossible to maintain close ties with individuals such as your friend Lisa. First of all, you need to take a step back and examine your situation. Although Lisa probably ignores you unintentionally, she does it nonetheless. She needs to learn to value your friendship. Try talking to her again…maybe she’ll listen to you if she knows how negatively her actions are affecting you. Do you have other friends you can hang out with? Perhaps if Lisa learns to not take your friendship for granted, she will be more sensitive to your needs. If she sees that you are getting along without her, she may start to realize that she can’t get away with treating you the way she does. I understand that friends are a very important part of life, especially at your age. But you must understand that there is more to life than just Lisa. If she has put her boyfriends before you more than once, chances are she’ll do it again. That fact that she wouldn’t even listen to you when you attempted to talk to her concerns me. Lisa needs to learn to replace some of her selfishness with more desirable attributes. It sounds as though you are not the only one fed up with her behavior. Perhaps, once her number of friends starts to dwindle, she will realize how selfish she has been. I know this situation is not a pleasant one, but you must realize that no matter how bad things seem, it will get better. It’s amazing how your perspective changes with time. offers various discussion forums and chat rooms. You may be interested in the relationships forum. You may find others going through, or who have gone through the same situation as you. Sincerely, – Anne

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