Question:
My girlfriend and I tell each other sexual fantasies to get in the mood for sex. The recurring theme is me having sex with someone else, either with or without her. This turns me on a fair bit but, for her, to a much greater extent. She will often encourage me to insult her on her poor sexual abilities in comparison to our fictionalized “other woman” or on her looks and body. Though I often don’t mind doing this, I do it solely because she wants me too and she gets such sexual pleasure out of it.
Is this masochistic behavior something I should be discouraging because it may be a mask for some psychological issue or something that could lead to problems down the track? Thank you
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Answer:
When it comes to human sexuality there is great variability about what some people will find stimulating as compared to others. The fact that you and your girlfriend enjoy sharing sexual fantasies as part of foreplay is actually a good thing. Both of you find it exciting, both of you are willing to mutually share these fantasies and both of you get pleasure out of this.
I suspect, making an educated guess, that you experience some discomfort about her fantasy. You seem to fear that it could be a mask for something else that could eventually cause each of you a problem. It is possible that you may be worried that she may want to move from fantasy to reality about having another woman join the two of you. However, she has never mentioned this to you, so far as I can tell from your Email. You may also fear things getting out of control because of her fantasy.If you need reassurance about this the two of you could talk it over. In fact, it’s important for lovers to be able to talk with one another about these things.
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By the way, none of us can force someone to give up their sexual fantasies. If you try to then you will only succeed in her not telling you them. That would reduce some of the intensity of the sexuality you share together.
Have a talk together, which in my opinion, is always the best for lovers to do.
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