Question:
My wife and I have been separated for a year now. For the last 3 years I have been falling apart, mentally+spiritually. She has been no support. In fact she has told me many times that I am a weakling. I was a good father and husband until stress and drugs got a hold of me. I got off the dope against her wishes. Started going to church, the whole-Get Better thing. Mentally I’ve snapped. I see a therapist now. He advised I move out due to her hitting me.Well, that was a year ago. Now she seems to want to put it back together. Without going into any of the problems that existed before. I’m not going to blame her. Putting up with my mental state must’ve been hard. She is not an understanding person at all, which seemed to lead to her falling apart. My question is this: should I pursue her without first establishing that we will get counseling. I love her dearly, regardless of her attitude and abusive nature. Let alone the fact that we have 3 daughters. Please be frank with me. I am considering divorce papers and moving away. It hurts all over again to see her.
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Answer:
You are the only one who can make decisions concerning your life. However, you’ve asked for advice and I’ll give it. It would seem to me, knowing only what you’ve written me here, to be rather a foolish course of action to get back together under any circumstances with a woman who has physically hit and verbally assaulted you in the past. If she has done this in the past, there is an excellent chance that she will do this in the future, given a chance. Your future health depends on your ability to stay sober and to keep your sanity together and (I would think) your stress low. Being yelled at, or called a weakling or hit would drive many recovering addicts back to their drug of choice; you wouldn’t be the first. For reasons of keeping your health together it also seems to be a bad idea to start anything back up with this woman. My advice is to avoid getting back together again. Get your divorce and make your move.
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