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Should I Get Back Together With My Wife?

Question:

My wife and I have been separated for a year now. For the last 3 years I have been falling apart, mentally+spiritually. She has been no support. In fact she has told me many times that I am a weakling. I was a good father and husband until stress and drugs got a hold of me. I got off the dope against her wishes. Started going to church, the whole-Get Better thing. Mentally I’ve snapped. I see a therapist now. He advised I move out due to her hitting me.Well, that was a year ago. Now she seems to want to put it back together. Without going into any of the problems that existed before. I’m not going to blame her. Putting up with my mental state must’ve been hard. She is not an understanding person at all, which seemed to lead to her falling apart. My question is this: should I pursue her without first establishing that we will get counseling. I love her dearly, regardless of her attitude and abusive nature. Let alone the fact that we have 3 daughters. Please be frank with me. I am considering divorce papers and moving away. It hurts all over again to see her.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

You are the only one who can make decisions concerning your life. However, you’ve asked for advice and I’ll give it. It would seem to me, knowing only what you’ve written me here, to be rather a foolish course of action to get back together under any circumstances with a woman who has physically hit and verbally assaulted you in the past. If she has done this in the past, there is an excellent chance that she will do this in the future, given a chance. Your future health depends on your ability to stay sober and to keep your sanity together and (I would think) your stress low. Being yelled at, or called a weakling or hit would drive many recovering addicts back to their drug of choice; you wouldn’t be the first. For reasons of keeping your health together it also seems to be a bad idea to start anything back up with this woman. My advice is to avoid getting back together again. Get your divorce and make your move.

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Comments
  • lorvince

    Hi,

    I have been with my wife for 6 years + now and we have 2 sons, they are still young. Seems your wife has the same attitude as my wife. She gives me no support and constantly disrespects me which makes me despise her and lose the love I had for her in the beginning. She has also physically hit me many times which in one instance caused her to be arrested, she attended counselling for anger and parenting but seems it never worked. She still doesn't realize all I've done and sacrificed for her and still reacts to her needs only and not even thinking of us as a family or think about what it's doing to the kids. So, I finally put my stand and decided enough is enough. I basically seperated with her and stopped communicating with her. I think you need to do the same.

  • Pete

    My friend i understand your pain but my advice to you is short and simple..

    Believe in yourself don't give up hope in yourself,I was once told that the #1 importance in your life is you.So anyone who will benefit from you will need for you to be healthy,secure and most of all be at the point of life to love yourself enough to enjoy the love you can give another,children come first to your love and then the rest.Bottom line take care of #1 which is you and the rest of your life will be determined on how much you love yourself to know what you deserve,always always love yourself because you really can't love anyone or anything if you don't love yourself....take care God Bless

  • Anonymous-1

    Its a fact alcoholic have issues but this can be work on. I been married 20 yrs same problem She new that i was alc yet we get married. Alc marrieds alc she dont drink or drug. The anger and blame came from both sides I try everything aa doctor it came to a point ask her to work with me all these yrs answer is no. i went backout 1 more time i am back today. I did not want to make this decision and let her go but today i finially made it and I am moving on. Because there are so may loving and understand peeply willing to accept you for who i am and willing to work with me so I did what i had to do from the beginnig. for make a decision amd move on.

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