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Suicide Threat Relationships (a Long One)

Question:

In the last seven months I watched my best friend (46) go from being my best friend to someone I don’t even know anymore. Last November he met a woman (48) that seemed very nice at first but when he tried to slow down their relationship she turned on him. She seemed to become very unstable right before our eyes. He wanted to get away from her so badly that he would come over to my house just so he wouldn’t have to hear his phone ringing a dozen times in the night. By January their relationship turned into an emotional roller coaster. This relationship according to him was that they both just wanted the sex. Then he would talk like he never wanted to see her ever again. But she would call crying over the phone and threatening to kill her self. She would say things like she “was only sixteen and she didn’t know how to be in a relationship.” She is a forty-eight year old mother of two. And that her blood would be on his hands. One evening he came over to my house to watch a movie and she called my house. This would not be possible because she doesn’t have my number. Well she broke into his house and looked into his address book and got my number. I asked her how she got my number and she lied and told me that he called me from her house one day and left the number on her phone. Well I dialed #69 and found that she was calling from his house. We went over there and she was in his bed, naked and passed out. We finally woke her up and she swore that she did nothing wrong. She was fulfilling one of his fantasies. To come home and find a naked woman in his bed. The thing is, at his time he wanted nothing to do with her. He was furious and I wasn’t too happy either. He just wanted her out of the house so he could go to bed. After three hours of trying to get it through her head that she had to leave she finally left. But about two hours later, say three in the morning she was back yelling at him through his doors and windows!. This is what he told me the next day. He wanted nothing to do with her. At one time he even called the cops on her to get her to leave him alone. She found out that he and I were best friends and that I would do just about anything for this guy and this didn’t set to well with her. I firmly believe that she wanted him so badly that she would do what ever it took to separate him from one of the factors standing in her way, my influence on him. So she played him with relentless suicide threats. At his point I told him that if he ever needed me for anything that I will always be there for him, but I will not have anything to do with this woman. She can not be trusted. So in that, she was successful. It is now the end of June and since about last April my best friend of nearly ten years and I have hardly had even a conversation. We did take our annual golfing trip together in the beginning of June but it turned out to be a disaster. He played well until the last day then he must have had a bad hole and the whole tension of his problems must have come flooding out. When he came off the course he blamed me for every bad thing that has happened to him in the last week. For two people who always have been able to discuss anything whether it be good or bad to not even be able to talk there is something wrong. He said that I changed, which I think is a stage of denial. He said that I wasn’t the same person that I was in the last six years that we took this trip. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my life. But the only difference in all of the years that we have been friends is this woman and her threats . Four weeks ago she was committed to a suicide ward at the Queens Medical Center in Oahu for suicide watch. This was due to an incident involving a late night fit of drinking and depressants in her condo that even the police couldn’t control her. He wasn’t there but heard about it because she called him from the hospital. He told her that she should stay there and get the help that she needs. But within three days he went and got her out. I am a reasonably patient person and if it means that I must sit back and watch this thing run through it’s course, I have no problem with it. But he and I have been very close and I hate to see him go through this stuff that he tells me just drives him nuts. Then he tells me that he may be falling in love with this person. I’m not sure what I am asking, maybe just some information on Suicide Threat Relationships. Where can I find something on this topic and how should I handle this situation? Should I even be thinking about it? I figure that if I at least have some sort of knowledge in this area that if and when he does need me for anything I will have an idea. What are your thoughts on how or what I should do to handle this situation. Thank you so much for your attention in this matter and if I haven’t been descriptive enough please let me know.

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Answer:

Rather than try to describe what is almost certainly a “Cluster B – dramatic/erratic” personality disorder diagnosis to you, I’ll simply refer you to http://personalitydisorders.mentalhelp.net where you can find our entire center devoted to explaining problems along the wavelength of what you’ve here described. Hope you find that helpful.

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    It sounds like this woman is suffering from borderline personality disorder. she is an extreme case since her symptons are so severe and she already attempted suicide. It seems as though, your friend has fell into her cycle. She projected all of her emtions on to him and he is now experiencing her pain. Also, he is finding others to blame which he probably inherited from her as well. Borderlines tend to place blame on others in order to not take responsibility for everything that tends to go wrong in their lives. He must have had some kind of weakness to begin with. At this point, he has accepted his relationship with her and probably feels ashamed to a certain degree. Especially with you because you were the one who witnessed all of the psychotic behavior in the beginning of the relationship. As a result, he put you down to deny his own embarassment. The only thing I suggest you do is tell your friend that you care and feel that he should go talk to a therpist. Good luck.

  • Anonymous-2

    But what if you are living with someone like this and didn't realize it till after you moved in together? And now you are trying to get them to move out and they don't make that much money and have no friends or family to turn to?

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