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Suzie Writes:

Question:

I am 18. Lately I have been thinking that maybe I’m gay. I’m attracted to some guys, but that is only because I ask myself if I could be attracted to them. Let me explain–when I was younger, friends would ask me, “Do you think he’s cute?” I would say that I didn’t know, because in reality I didn’t think of guys that way. So I got into the habit of looking at guys only to see if they were cute or not just so when someone asked I could tell them, yes or no. But I have always looked at women in that way. I would say she’s pretty, etc. And I often have dreams where I am “with” another woman. I am afraid to be gay, and sometimes I cry over it. I’m not afraid myself, but just afraid that if I were, or am, how could I tell people, friends and family? I would be afraid to tell them if it were true. I don’t know whether or not I am. And I don’t know what questions to ask myself to see if I am gay. My step-dad is against the whole gay thing, but that’s not why I’m afraid to tell anyone. I have a hard time understanding my feelings, and a hard time making friends. I haven’t had many boyfriends, and don’t really want any. I sometimes tell myself that I do, but I’m not sure. I am so confused and upset about this. Maybe you would know someone like this and how they solved their problem, or something I could do to clear up my own confusion. I would really appreciate an answer, thanks. Suzie

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

You are the only person who can provide an answer to your question. Only you can determine what your sexual preferences are. It sounds like you are very confused right now. Confusion can often make us feel alone. Give yourself some time. You need to sort out your feelings, and decide what you are really feeling. You can be honest with yourself. If you are attracted to women, don’t reject these feelings. Suppressing your feelings will only lead to more confusion. You will never find a clear and honest answer to your problems if you deny your true feelings. Keep in mind that many individuals do not have a clear-cut preference in their sexuality. Some are attracted to individuals for the person they are, whether they are male or female. Perhaps you fall into this category. Don’t think that you have to rush into an answer. No one knows about your confusion…right? Take your time, because this is definitely a very important decision. Try not to divide individuals into categories based on their sex. Try and divide them up based on personality characteristics. Ask yourself, “Is this someone that I could have a relationship with?” In most relationships, whether they’re heterosexual or homosexual, we are attracted to certain traits within the person. Sure…sexual attraction does play a major role in who we fall in love with, but ultimately we love the person for who they are. Best of luck!! – Anne

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