I’m very confused, I have a teacher who is thirty years older than me, but my close friends think he has feelings for me other than as a teacher’s pet. He is married with no kids at home. Signs that I have picked up are that he gives me eye contact then will check me out, then gives me eye contact again (like maybe he wants me to know he’s looking). A couple of times after looking at me, I’ve noticed he was sexually excited. Also, I am the only student from my town in this class. He makes friendly jokes about my town & the kind of people who live there. He’s a calm person, but when he comes near me, he appears nervous & sometimes shakes/trembles. I told him that he has a good sense of humor & now he endlessly makes jokes then looks for a response from me. I’ve chatted with a school tutor over the Internet, and my teacher has brought up some of the things that were said between me & the tutor in class discussions (but doesn’t say who said them), like he’s checking on me. I recently received a new car & I wear nice clothes. Since I got my car, he talks about how he has a lot of money and about expensive vacations he has taken. I’ve seen him look at me in a seductive way, on different occasions. During class one time he gave me a big hug, for no reason. Also, he has made comments about himself personally, then looks at me. The comments he makes matches my personality (but doesn’t really seem to match his). If I come to see him after/before class he is very happy & almost sounds excited, but if a friend comes with me, he seems annoyed. If, outside of class, I ask him a question that school policy states not to answer, he says “I’m not supposed to answer that, but..” then he does. Also, on a couple of bad research papers and a test I’ve believe he gave me extra points that I didn’t deserve. He lives about a half hour away from me, or so he says, but I could have sworn I saw him drive by a few times. I think I’m an attractive girl; I carry myself well and I am conservative. He hasn’t made any moves on me, but I feel he gives me much more attention then anyone else in my class. My boyfriend thinks it sounds like obsession…is it? What do you think is going on? He does look at other girls too, and this is only from one side. I would appreciate some help from you to understand what may be going on. Also, what would be signs of love obsession over a person?
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Is there someone at school you can confide in such as a counselor or another teacher? His actions sound very questionable to me. Even if you are reading too much into his attentions, it is better to be safe than sorry. Have you considered the possibility that he has done (or is doing) the same thing to other girls, and perhaps even taken it further? If your friends are noticing his over-abundance of attention, then I think there is reason for concern. I highly advise that you talk with someone about this. Don’t be afraid to tell others your suspicions. He is the one who is breaking the rules, here. It is up to you to point this out to someone who can do something about it (or at least to an adult who can confirm your suspicions). He may be reinforced by your lack of deterrence. It’s probably a good idea to have his superiors keep a close watch over him, so he isn’t able to take his obsession further. Be careful. Situations such as this can be dangerous. Best of luck, – Anne