Question:
I have been dating this woman for six months now, and I recently asked her to marry me – she said yes. We have been telling her family and friends about it, and are making the wedding plans. She is 24 and I am 20. I am still living at home with my mother, and I have yet to tell her the news. I am sure she will be very upset and angry. She has been against the relationship from the start, I believe because she is afraid of losing me. Being her only child, she does not want to give me up yet. Please give me some advice on how to handle this situation. Thank you for your time.
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Answer:
You are very perceptive. It is not uncommon for mothers to want to hang on to their sons. I suspect that both you and your mother just want to be happy – your problem is that your mother equates you with happiness. I think it’s time for you to sit down with your mom and have a long talk with her. Explain to her that your girlfriend makes you happy. Let your mom know that she isn’t losing you just because you are getting married. Don’t let this discussion turn into a shouting match though. Remain calm, and try to make your mom see the situation from your point-of-view. Let her know that this situation has caused you great stress. Let her know that you will always love her and how much her approval would mean to you. Although you had your reasons, don’t be surprised if your mother is upset that you waited to tell her about the marriage. Stress how important her approval is to you, and make sure that she doesn’t feel shut out during the planning of the wedding. Make her feel like she is an important part of the wedding plans. Other than that, there is not much more that I can tell you. Your mother will warm up to the idea of you being married, although it may take a while. Be understanding and patient with her. And remember, she doesn’t want to let go of you because she cares about you. Best of luck, – Anne
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