i have this problem with this voice in my head which i dont hear but its in my head i always comprimise with it and ask it to make me creative and extrovered but if i dont listen to it and do what im thinking of doing then it makes me lose the creativity please tell me whats wrong somtimes i know its not real. my grandmother has schizophernia and i have a family history of suicide my mom has borderline personality and i also made alot suicide usaually after an arguement with my stepmom and dad, please help
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You come from a family where there seems to be a history of chronic mental illness. This leaves you in a very vulnerable situation. So far as I can discern from what you have written, you have this voice in your head that is not a hallucination. However, it is possible that when you are under enough stress the voice becomes a hallucination. In other words, you respond with depression and suicidal thoughts after having an argument with your step mom and your dad.
I agree that you need to get help as soon as possible. My guess would be that you have also suffered abuse while you were growing up. An unstable home with a grandmother who suffers from Schizophrenia, a mother with a Borderline Personality Disorder and a divorce and having to adjust to a step mom, all lends itself to the kind of environment where a child would have a very difficult time.
Given all of this, the environment in which grew up, the history of family mental illness, and all of the instability you live in today, you really need to enter psychotherapy and begin medication treatment as soon as possible. The type of therapy you need is probably DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, in which you can learn healthier ways of responding to your emotions, the emotions of other people and to stress in your environment. Medication can help relieve the depression that leads to suicidal thoughts and, possibly, suicidal or self harming actions. Medication can also help lower or remove that intrusive voice in your head, whatever the nature of it happens to be. It will be the combination of DBT and Medication that will help you enormously.
Please seek help as soon as possible so that you can be that creative and extroverted person you want to be and that you are when you are not troubled.
Best of Luck