Question:
I’ve been noticing for a while that I have a tendency to run away from everything. For example, I had this job for 3 years and then I quit, I played my favorite sport soccer for three years and quit my final years, had some nice relationships but then I left the guys usually. Now I’m concerned because I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half 5 months ago. He was the perfect guy for me. Sure he had his flaws but everyone does. I broke up with him because we were talking about marriage and everything and I just saw my whole life planned in a split second. I broke up with him because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Now that I am alone I miss him. I have gone out w/ a few guys but I compare them all to him. I don’t feel comfortable with anyone and I’m scared I’m going to end up alone. I’m also afraid that my ex was the one for me and I screwed it up. What do you think?
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:
I think you’re learning about yourself and beginning to face up to something that is preventing you from becoming intimate with partners and successful in your endeavors. You may very well end up alone if you keep living your life as you have been living it. However, people can and do change when they are motivated to do so. Usually the motivation to change comes from the pain of recognizing your mistakes. Learn from your mistakes so that you don’t keep repeating them. I have lots of hope for you. Why not try and figure out what it is that you are running away from? What would be so horrible, so scary about staying with something or someone? What is your worst fantasy about that? Make an appointment with a counselor or therapist and see if he or she can help you work this out. While you’re at it you can call up your ex-boyfriend (if you want to), tell him you are sorry and that you know you made a mistake and see if he’ll see you again. If he won’t see you then accept this loss as a normal part of living (this happens to many) and move on. Cast your line out again into the sea with good faith and an open heart. There is more than one ‘right’ guy out there for you. Best of Luck!
- Ask Anne
Ad