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Why Is He Doing This To Me?

Question:

I met this guy 8 years ago soon after my divorce. The first 2 years were a blessing and my kids adored him. He seemed caring and was very romantic, but that was before he got hit by work & financial problems.

Things didn’t seem to get better for him despite his many efforts. He tried a new job, tried business and it all didn’t work out. I was there all the way for him, giving moral support and also financial support. But then, maybe, depression was getting him, he always seemed stress and cold.

Lately, he has changed even more. He hardly calls me and rarely replies to my SMS anymore. When I try to have good communication with him, he seems to avoid the subject and I don’t push him further as I don’t want to stress him out. Now he is more like a stranger than when before all of this, we frequently fought over small matters.

I am still very much in love with him , but I sense that he doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. We had a small fight last 2 weeks ago and he has switched off his phone totally and this is killing me. I have a feeling that he has someone else and that he is leaving me soon. It hurts as I keep asking myself why? I feel take taken for granted that after all that I have sacrificed for him all these years, he does not love me anymore. All these years I have been nothing but loyal to him. I lost everything I owned and am now in heavy debt while trying to help him out all these years.

Me and kids live a hard life due to this but we have never regreted any moment of it as we truly cared for him. I am now very depressed and sometimes feel that I do not want to live anymore, but the thought of my young children stopped me from ending my life. I feel that no one loves me. I try to be strong but now I need to take anti anxiety pills everynight to make me sleep and forget my sorrows.

Please help.

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Answer:

You say that you have no regrets for the decisions you have made over the last eight years in keeping a relationship with this man and helping him. In my opinion, it would serve you better to get in touch with your angry feelings for how he is treating you. You have suicidal thoughts. Why? It is him who you should hate and not yourself. You are correct, he has taken advantage of you and you should be thinking about your next step instead of feeling helpless.

What next step do I mean? For one thing, you could speak to an attorney and see if you have any recourse. You either gave or loaned him money. Perhaps you have a legal suit against him. You really need a lawyer to go over things with you and see if there is anything you can do about recovering some of the money you spent for this man.

You also report that you still love this man. As long as you convince yourself that you love him you will feel like a helpless victim. After all, what is there about this man to love after the way he treated you and continues to treat you? Keep in mind that he is unreliabe at the very least and much worse than that. Has it occurred to you that you are better off without him?

Because of the emotional difficulties you are having about this, such as depression and suicidal thoughts, it might be a good idea to seek the help of a psychotherapist to get yourself through a difficult period. That would be for the sake of the kids as well as for yourself.

Be angry at him and not at yourself. Do not allow him to do this to you any longer.

Best of Luck

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