Wife's Behavior

Question:

My wife (42 years) is acutely attached to her mother who is dominating in the family. We were separated few years ago and have two daughters, 10 years and 8 years old. We are not yet divorced as I am against breaking of my marriage for the sake of my children. I have told my mother-in-law several times to stop interfering , but she does not agree as she is selfish. I told my wife to break free from her influence, but she cannot accept what I am telling her. The main problem is my wife who does not recognize the problem and wants to be dependent on her mother. My daughters are also dominated by their grandmother as neither one listens to me or has any bonding with me. Please suggest a way out for me.

Thanks in anticipation.

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Answer:

The problems with your wife and mother-in-law are part of the reason you are separated. There is not much you can do about their behavior because it’s not possible for anyone to force others to how they act in or out of a family.

Rather than worrying about you wife’s relationship with her mother, it’s more important that you solidfy your relationship with each of your children. The way to do that is to spend as much time with them that you can. That includes doing fun things together, like going to the movies, shopping and other such activities that a parent does with their children. Here too, it’s important that you not worry about their grandmother.

As far as not divorcing for the sake of the children, I don’t think remaining married, under these circumstances, is helping either one of them. When you state that you are separated, I assume that you are living separately. If not, if you are still in the household, then you are not separated. However that may be, it’s not a good thing for children to be exposed to the constant anger and hostility between their parents. That is why separation and divorce often work better than staying together. What is most important is that you develop and maintain a positive relationship with them so they know they can rely on Dad.

Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.