Don't do anything to clean yourself or your environment until you and your environment have been examined by the police and you have been examined by a doctor! You'll destroy evidence if you do any cleaning or rearranging.
Call the police first thing and report your assault. Get them to document what has happened to you. You can also report the assault later on, if you aren't comfortable doing so first thing. It is best to do it sooner rather than later, if you can manage, however.
Go to the hospital as soon as you possibly can and tell them you have been assaulted. If you have been raped, ask them to do a rape examination. If you think you may have been drugged (e.g., with Rohypnol), ask them to test your urine. Don't bathe, brush your teeth or do anything to change your condition no matter how bad you look. The idea is that the doctors will be able to document the damage you've sustained, and collect any evidence that may be present (such as semen/cum or hair) that could be used against your attacker in a court of law. Doctors will also be able to treat you for any injuries you may have sustained, and counsel you regarding the possibilities of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted disease.
As soon as possible, document what has happened to you in your own words.
Get to a safe place and stay there. If you can't get to a safe place, try to make where you are safer by asking someone safe to come and stay with you for a while.
Know that it wasn't your fault that you were assaulted.
Understand that you can expect to be shaken up for weeks or months after the assault. It takes time to heal from rape and assault. Allow yourself the time you will need to heal. Also know that it's never too late to call. Many assault victims don't realize that they would benefit from help until long after the assault has occurred.
Rape and assault can be psychologically traumatizing, and posttraumatic stress disorder is a possibility. If you find that you are not recovering from the rape or assault, seek professional mental health care for PTSD.
Yeah, i was raped by my brothers and my cousin plus a boyfriend. my brothers forced me to do things to them and my cousin did stuff to me. no matter how many times i said no they still did it. my boyfriend tried but i got away. im sick of living with it. im still haunted this day by it. and it still makes me cry.
lyssa-i am so sorry that such horrible things happened to you- i don't know what to say- i just can't stand that there are no comments yet- you are right to say something about your abuse but i ache for you that there is not much that may be done about it- i am just so terribly sorry-i will pray for you that you can stay strong enough to know that they were wrong- not you
Hi Lyssa, I am a student and in my health class I am studying about rape, harassment, and other kinds of abuse. I do not know if it is right to say this but I am so sorry. Please don't think I'm pitying you. I can not understand how you must feel from the experience because I have never been raped. I just wanted to say that I think your a strong person to be able to cope with your grief and not have given up on life. God bless you Lyssa and your strong because you have been able to talk about it. I wish I could do something to your abusers because you did not deserve that. Bye.
I'm 15 and was molested last year by a senior. I have stopped contact with him, but still have nightmares that he will come and find me. He is now in college. We began talking when I was extremely depressed and self-destructive. He would tell me that there was no one else for me and that he was the only one that could make me happy I shouldn't even have contact with other people. We went to a movie one day and he continually (sexual act involving digital insertion) me after I told him to stop and that he was hurting me. I doubt he realizes what he has done to me, but I just wanted to warn people out there to be careful and watch out. Don't be afraid to make a scene, if you don't like what's going on, make it stop.
im sorry Lyssa i really wish that i could tell you of some way i knew to make it go away but i dont have a way it has now been over a year and a half since it happened to me but i have still yet to make it go away i still cry when i see anything about it i freak out when i see a black jeep wrangler or a silver firebird i still hate the sound of their names i can still remember some of the things they told me and what they did i still remember sitting there after breaking down after the first one the next day having to act like nothing happened the next guy convinced me he could make the pain go away so then i got raped 3 more times but i trusted him he told me he could make it all better but now i see he was just on coke & my brother doesnt even know to this day what his best friend did to his little sister while he was upstairs asleep across the hall from my father all i am trying to tell you is dont believe people that they can make you feel better with what caused the pain you have to be somewhat healed mentally before anything like that will ever be ok to do it will get better you will cry a lot after a year and a half i still cry it will be ok though just dont give in and become a number on a peice of paper that says girls who have been raped are more likly to kill them selves we can push through we are women we are strong we can make it
first of all i want to say i am so sorry 4 anyone who has been raped. i am a victim myself i am a 16 yr old latina who has been raped over a year ago & it still gets 2 my head i cry myself to sleep & im basiclly traumatised/ i've never told anyone of my family for that fact being that they wouldnt understand & that they would think it was my fault but i kno it wasnt it was that stupid bitch that raped me... i was drugged up with ryhnol raped & left in a ally... i juss want all u gurls 2 be strong because if your weak then that shows that he has won good bless all of you may god be with you
i been raped by my cousin a year ago and that time my grade 7 teacher did taught us about rape but i never thought it would happen to me but then one day i was in my bedroom and everyone was out. my cousin came in the front door and i was downstairs by then he asked me that why i just stayed home i said i didn't feel good to go anywhere. And i was in a gaze and he put music on and we started dancing just for fun i thought but then he started sliding his hands up my shirt and when i pushed him away all he said was that ooh come on this is the chance for us to love since everyone was out then he ripped off my shirt and then he picked me up and took me to his bedroom and got on me i tried to hit him and get out but he grabbed my hands and also started kissing me i was so helpless because i couldn't do anything.i never really told my parents and also didn't really got preganant and now that i have such a happy life i still have flashbacks of the scene and whenever i face him he also has the look in his eyes "you better not tell" and he always looks like he did the right thing but now he tried to threaten me again and i told my brother. First my brother got a bit mad at me for not telling me earlier but he solved my problem by telling my parents.
When i was 8 years old i was raped by the one guy who i thought loved me. He was like my older brother and itrusted him, but one day he came to me and told me to wrestle with him. He touched me everywhere and did things to me that i'll never get over. I'm dating right now and i'm so afraid of the fact that he'll do the same thing to me. I really don't know what to do cause i know that i can trust him, but i'm so scared. The sick thing is that he made me have sex with so many other people. I was 8 and didn't know, but i can't stop blaming myself for. It has really ruined my life, and i just am so sorry for everyone who had to go throught that. Luckily it DEFINITELY made me stronger and i hope that it will do the same for everyone else. I'ts just the fear of your bf(s) that is ruining my life
From the age of 5 - 10, i was mentally, physically and sexually abused by my uncle. My mam and dad would go on holiday every three months for two weeks at a time. For those two weeks I was tortured put in a garage for hours at a time, made to have baths with freezing/boiling hot water, suffocated, nearly drowned, raped over and over again and made to do things to him. He once broke three of my ribbs and he told the hostital I fell down the stairs, he broke my little finger and I can't straighten it, he beat me with his belt, told me I was ugly - that I deserved it all. I have nightmares and re-live what happened everyday. I hate myself so much, I cut myself and I can't help it and I get really jumpy and scared sometimes. A few months ago I tried to kill myself with paracetamol. I am 16 now and I am so ashamed of my past. I hate my life so much, all I can ask myself is - what did I do wrong to deserve it? I can't even cry - is that a bad thing? I feel so detached from everything. What am I supposed to do to forget?
I just want to say that i know what everyones going through i've been there myself i just want to express how sorry i am, I was sexually abused and raped by my older brother and his best mate from the age of 9-12 now i'm 20,married and have a six month old daughter, i wanted a way to escape what i was feeling i blamed myself, my abusers told me that i asked for it so i got what i aksed for and i believed them, i tried to commit suicide about four times once i tried to hang myself when that didn't work i found away to free myself from the pain i was feeling i started to cut myself i found it relieved the pain i was going through, i re-live the abuse every day through nightmares and flashbacks i hate it i'd just like to be free from it all but that isn't possible i still self-harm as a way of releasing the pain i feel. sometimes i feel so disconnected from the world and i often feel so alone.
i was abused from the age of 6 to i left school and was with child by 16. i am now in me 30s and still struggle with back flashes and night mares. thet gave me a dinos of boardline personalty. but i do not think that is what i got. i have learning problems and prity sure i go post trumatic stress disorder. but can not get them to under stand me. i live with not much no pills for deprson or stress. the one thing that does help is one to one cansilg. even tho it only lasts weeks at time then have to start again.
my boyfirend was raped on my 18 th birthday we were sopost to have a baby and then get married but that never happend so i would like to say if i find the person that did it theay will pay for it and i will get them put in jalle
I am a guy and was raped when I was 17 years old & Now I am 36. I know how hard it is that you do not want too tell anybody about being raped & abuse, & it's even harder too tell your family about it. For me I have just recently told my sister, I did'nt know how she would take it or believe me. I was surprised that she has been so supported . But I still can't tell my mum, so my sister is going to tell her.
What I am saying do not leave it for along time until you tell your family like I did, Tell them straight away you will find that they will support you.
I was raped when I was 4 yrs old. This was when I was still in Africa. In africa they have no justice for such things. I was rapped by a house boy at my grandmothers house.Later on, I was moved to my aunts house, and I was rapped by my cousin. This time I was about 5 or 6. My mother was in the united states, and I was at the mercy of people I did not know. When I was about 8 my mother decied to send for me. She had married a white man here. She was also pregnant. When she gave birth to my baby sister, she left for africa to show the baby to my grandmother. I was left behind with my younger brother and stepfather. While my mother was away, he started forcing me to take showers with him, and he would try to grope me. I was afraid every day. Fortunatly I discovered a neighbor kid and thats where I spent most of my nights. When my mother came back, I told her, and she didnt even try to talk to me. I wrote the event down in my journal, and one of her friends found it and read it. when she confronted my mother, my mother sd I was just a little kid with a sick perverted mind about her husband. I feel betrayed and alone. I have a boyfirend and iam 21 now and I cant even perform sometimes. I feel used and dirty. I am trying to overcme it, but its hard.
When I was in third grade my what I called "boyfriend" and his brother made me suck his dick... I was so scared and I kept telling them no. His older brother then took out a knife and told me he was going to stab me over adn over again if I didn't do what they said. I ended up having to do it and they beat me up around the school after it happened. I was so afraid to tell anyone because I felt like I was the bad person. I am going on 16 and To this day only some know about this experience... Just recently I have been assulted on the streets of my home town. A couple of guys were standing on the edge of the railroad tracks talking about me as I walked by. Then one of them crabbed me and hit me in the face... I got away but still to this day I have nightmares of what happened. I am afraid to walk by myself anymore. This was the most fucked up thing and I hope no one else has to be put through something like this.
for annyone who has been hurt in such a matter it is never your fault, it is never your sickness and it never your secret. Tell someone because you all need to surround yourselves with friends, family or someone who cares and whom you trust in. I am a good man in a bad place. email me if you need to talk to someone because if i am ever given a greater role in this world
i do care and would be someone who fights for you to be in a better place
when samething like that happens to a person you dont think that there are other girls that get raped ,that is why you dont tell anyone about it i also was and was only 13 so young what would i know about things like this ,there is no why a girl would know what to do when samething like this happens and when it das there is no turning back im 23 now and went though alot im my life because of what happend to me
now i can say that i have after 11 years i have but it behind me and my life has never been the same im a very happy person now and i can talk about it to others ,all i can say is i could not do it with out god he showd me the right why to deal with it and it worked
i now have a daugher and she is 4 years old all i can do now is make sure samething like this never happens to her i know now what to look for ,im not saying it will never happen but because i have been raped im always awear of the danger not everyone thinks like people that have been raped youre why of thinking changes and that is why we can see the danger a mile away i hope i can help sameone ,if anyone would like to talk about it or just need sameone to talk to you can email me on email@example.com i really would like to help i never had anyone to talk to
it started when i was 13. i am now 14. he would come into my room when i was asleep and touch me. He tried to take my bra off, but that was when i was waking up. for a second i was to stund to say anything, then i asked him what in the hell was he doing. he said he was trying to wake me up. i let that one go, because i was like hey he is your cousin he wouldn't do that to you, but i was wrong. one night me and my sister was in my aunts and his bedroom, he wanted to watch a porn video i really did not want to i thought it was nasty as hell. that morning i woke up to find his hand in my pants. i didn't say anything, because first off i was to shocked and scared to say anything. my head was aslo inside the covers, and that is how he thought i was asleep. about a couple of minuites later he replaced his hands with his penis. about that time my sister was waking up. i was so relieved that she woke up, because if she didn't he would finish what he started. he basically attacked and almost raped me. the after shock was so hard. that morning i went to my room, and shedded the tears that i kept hiding from every one else. i have really big trust issues. i also shake sometimes when another guy toches me. i don't go out anymore, because i alinate almost every one around me. i have only told to people. it is really hard to cope with. i feel if i get a boyfriend that they would try to take advantage of me. i have never had a boyfriend before. if any one who has gone through this. i know that you don't like pity, but just hold on. also there was this man that was about the same age as my dad, and he was my grandmothers boyfriend. me and my sister had very stange vibes from him. one day he asked if me and my sister wanted to go to the lake with him, and we asked our grandmother and she said that if something happened to us, we may lie about it. that was when i questioned her about if she ever thought if he would do that, and she said the reason why he would't, is because he would get in trouble, and i asked in my head do you honestly think that it would matter if he got caught or not!
When I was a young boy of 6 my neighbour who was around eleven had me and another boy who was 4 or so "play a game". The game involved kissing his penis and him putting his penis in our anus. The "game" went on for a few months.
I was ashamed. It felt pelasureable but I felt it was wrong. My mother was not emotionally available and my father was gone, I did not have anyone to tell. As I grew older I dismissed it as children being curious, but when ever I thought about it I would get a tightening in my chest and throat.
He trapped me in a room for 9 hours physically and mentally abusing me and then he raped me... i feel sick and i feel so messed up as he was my partner. he was arrested but then they had to let him go because they could not find enough evidence and he claims it was consented.
I am so angry and i feel like a liar...there are no 24 hour lines open here for me to talk to anyone....
I cant remember certain events on the night clearly and im getting things all mixed up....which probabaly makes me look like more of a liar...
hey im 15 n i got raped a few weeks ago. ive told some friends but i feel like the dont understand me n i dont no wat to do. i dont want to report it becoz i dont hav the strength to fite it and even tho my friends r suportive i feel like they get tired of listening to me n dont care. i get flashbacks nearly everyday, hav truble sleeping, get scared easily, dont go out anymore and feel disgusting.
i want to move on but it keeps coming back to me and i dont no wat to do. i even think this is boring you to death which is another reason i dont tell anyone wat im feeling. simply coz i think that it will bore them. i feel so angry, upset, used, disgusting and alone, especially becoz he was somone i thought was a friend. i cant believe this hapened to me.
if jesus (for those of you who believe in him) says that he protects us from harm and evil, why did this hapen to me? IS IT MY FAULT? DID I ASK FOR IT?
omg i cant beilve that dis happen to me and it feel like dis has`taken away my virgrinity and my life i cant even sleep at night and cant stop thinking about it i feel very hurt but i kno dat it wasnt my fault and what if he got me prenagny and i have a transmitted sexual diease somebody please help me or u can email me back!
lisen up people even though you all were raped n abused it isnt jesus to be blamed for these things like one girl said if he is there to protect us why he makes these things happen. it is satan who causes these things to happen and jehovah lets it happen caz he knows all this things will soon so dont worry he is there protecting you satan is the ruler of the world n he lets these things happen to you never loose the faith in jehovah becaz he cares for you this is why all this badness on the world will end soon so dont worry think positive n act act positive no matter what happens to you
I tried to tell him to get off but he didnt, i told him to stop but he didnt. He kept telling me Its okay, shhh, relax, im not going to hurt you. It made me so scared, i didnt know what to do. I just frooze. I wish i could go back in time and kick and punch, but i cant. I cant get his words out of my head. They are making me crazy. I think im going crazy. I went out with my fiance last night and our friends, to get it out of my head. But i kept seeing him everywere. There was man, looked exactly like him, could have been him, sitting across the room from us. I was so scared, i couldnt breathe, i couldnt talk. Everytime i herd someone coming up behind me i would flinch. everytime i hear a man talking a flinch.
this is somwhat a weird twist..it was last saturday--my coworkers and I went to out drinking. I would say that i was somwhat impaired..but moreso than anything, just incredibly sleepy. one of my coworkers (a girl) invited me to her place, where she lived with her boyfriend(who also came out with us). ...i was phasing in and out of consciousness and before I knew it was involved in a sexually compromising situation with the two of them. at that time, i wasnt fighting it (not sure I could), and perhaps i was even enjoying it(please dont think im a freak)..and the next morning i didnt really over-analyze the situation..but now..3 days later..i realized..yes, i indeed was raped. i didnt give complete consent. ..i cant tell anyone this story because i feel so irresponsible for a) drinking too much b) going over to their place! i feel like such a moron because i feel l set up the situation. i dont know what to do. im lost. im confused. im scared. i feel violated. i havent been to the doctor. help
When I was 8 years old a 12 year old female neighbour would sleep round my house, i thought we were just friends she would ask me to play the game mummys and daddys she would touch me and pin me down and rub her vagina on mine, i always said no but she jus persisted now at aged 15 I realise that I was sexually abused, I always flich when another female and male try to touch me even friends when they just pat me or hug me i flinch, how can I get over this, no one knows about this insident, not even my family. I feel so disgusted, I still see her around now because she lives on my road still.. please help i need someone to talk to!
Well I have come across this page looking for help and advice. I am 25 years old and last night I was drugged either at a bar or after pary. I am not sure. I went to a bar for an event and didnt drink much but i met a guy that was very persestant to talk to me I was with friends and felt aquard about being alone with him but he siad it was very rude in his culture to not take and invite and he said he had blown off two other girls to talk to me so I obliged his offer to have a drink. I then told him i had to leave to meet friends to get a ride home. But he was very persistant about having me go to an after party and he said he wanted me to meet his friends i said no again so i went to leave and get into a taxi and he came up to me and said just for a drink and ill put you in a taxi. So i finally said ok wish I hadnt at this point i was in my sinces. But we finally got to his house The only reason i went is he knew my boss and many other of my friends so i thought it would be ok. But we got to his house but no one was there. He showed me around and I had 2 drinks I was still fine and said i needed to get home it was getting late then his friends showed up so i decited to stay for just a little bit but next thing i know things got hazy I was not drunk I had not kissed the guy or wanted to I was just being nice. Well I vagely remember getting up the stairs and i layed down on a bed I could kind of here a girl and guys voice but i couldnt move. Next thing I remember was being pulled up and vomiting uncontrolably. I never get sick from drinking! I them woke up again with out my boots on and the guy that wanted me so badly to come hang out with him was yelling at me to get out of his house yelling he didnt drug me and there was a girl sitting with him but he was yelling and angry and really scarry. I told them i needed a cab i had to leave the girl offered to take me home but i just want to get out of there I then woke up again to them yelling the taxi was there i grabbed my shoes and ran out the door. I got calls nonstopp from both the girl and the guy and I just didnt answer I just couldnt stop crying..... I dont know what happened last night and the guy is very influencial and has a lot of pull in this city. I dont know if i should go get checked if its to late but all i know is I feel like something is wrong the girl text me today asking how my hang over was and she said she was with me all night and i was ok but i dont know if i believe her. I have been so sick all day and scared I wish i could remember what happened. I was raped when I was fifteen and now all those vonrability are coming back i have just tried to sleep to not think about it but I wake up sweating and scared its 5 am and i cant sleep im writing if this tells you anything. Any advice? Cause i feel guilty for not following my gut and just going home and Im scared he could have raped me but if he didnt and wasnt the one that drugged me he is so hight up Im afraid he would do God only knows what..... Well sorry this was long just cant sleep and some how this is calming. And to all of you I am so sorry It has been 10 years for me and i still have night mares I get scared of men I have intamacy issues and no followed by commitment issues. My attacker died 5 years ago and he was a close friend that I felt so guilty and I was found naked in a bathroom at a party with condom wrappers all around me that i thought it had to have been my fauly even though i sure some one had to have heard me screaming. Well i didnt want to be the school slut so i convinced my self it was my fault and actually dated him for 2 years. Crazy huh his funeral i cried so hard not sure if it was closure or hurt. It had been that long since I had actually let my self feel any thing. Well Im not sure how to end other then I wish you all closure safty and relief of your pain.
hi, everyone. im sorry for what happened to you. but i was sexually abused up till i was 15 years old. my stepdad would 1st start by poping my pimples on my faces then he would put baby oil on my strecht marks on my stomache. and then he would take me into his room and ask me if i knew what sex was and i would say no. he never put his thing in me at least not that i know of. but he would tel how sex happens by sticking his finguers in me. me personal i wasnt planing on telling anyone until this one day at school these 2 girls that i had a class with toke me into the bathroom and talked to me and was asking me about why i stink. one of the questions they asked was if i was or have been raped or abused or anything like that. and i got really scared cause i didnt know what to do and i wanted people to stop makeing fun of me about how i smell so i did tell them that i was being sexually abused and they toke me to the gudiance counslers office and i told them to and they toke care of it. but we had to go to the children and youth office that same day ofter school and when we got there and they found out what happened children and youth told my mom that she could have us back but her husband known as my stepdad had leave the house for good but my mom choose that man over her own kids. i am now 21 and to this day i am still scared to be around guys-men-teenagers any of them if i dont know them at all or dont know them that well i dont like being alone with them.i have a boyfriend and ive been with him for 4years im not scared to be around him and if your a guy and i know you really well to were you wont try anything then im not afraid to around them either. honestly i dont know i get stressed when i talk about it but i dont talk about it all that much. but the werried thing is and i dont know why this is happening or why im doing this but my mom is still with the guy who did this. i am scared to be alone with him. but i act like it never happened i still call him dad. i still go around him. he has grandchildren but my kids are all boys and there ages are 6months old-1 year old- 2 year old. and MY KIDS ARE NEVER-NEVER-EVER LEFT ALONE WITH THAT MAN. there is only 3 people who believe me my rela dad-my boyfriend and my one aunt thats it nobody else believes that that man did that to me .i dont know why this is so if any one has any advice or anything let me know my email address is firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com if you need to chat or need a shoulder to lean on email me we maybe able to become friend. you never know. please dont be afriad if someone does something to you tell someone go to the police before you tell anyone else. dont be afraid to email me if i can help in any way i will. i will try my hardest to help you thank you for your time tracy
I'm glad I'm not the only one who is uncomfortable hearing people talk about sex, rape, etc. I dislike seeing sex portrayed on T.V and film, and hearing people talk about it in real life, as though it's great or no big deal. I feel like an outsider, as though a lot of people don't understand what it feels like to be assaulted.
To the person who was moved to another class- I bet you were moved to another class because your teacher thought that he/she was scaring you, talking about safety, that it was their fault for upsetting you They were trying to make you feel better and thought that giving you another teacher would work. They didn't know you'd been assaulted.
ok so my question is this. if there is a 5 year old girl that had a 10 year old cousin, and this cousin of hers tells her that is natural for cousins to kiss and for him to touch her and have sex with her so pretty much brainwasher her and tells her not to tell anyone, and the 5 year old girl didn't know right from wrong at that time. then the time came he had told her to take her clothes of and she says no and he talks her into it and when they have sex more then one time is it normal for the young girl to feel pleasure through everything he has done to her for two whole years.My question is would this be considered rape? yes or no? and if so why?
i was molested by my own brother at a young age and didnt remmember till now that im 16 i remmember little pieces and its killing me inside!I just cant seem to remmember anything and its scary to think that i might have split personalitys.What i have been through has made me a very angry person inside and has led me to do stupid things such as cutting myself and more. Anyways, i was also abused by my father when i was much younger but not in that way, i mean he hit me and never spoke to me again.A long time after that i seeked love in my fathers father wich i hadnt seen in a very long time !And when i finally did i started to visit him daily until one day he tried to rape me.So i never saw him again i didnt press charges because hes old and i felt bad this was more then enough to make me go crazy again!About a year after wich is now,after i noticed something strange wich i rather not talk about i tried to remmember my childhood days with my father when we were very close to each other and noticed that i really dont remmember anything at all.But i all i know is that for a long time i felt somekind of way about my father i always ignored the feeling because allthough he acts as if im not there i still love him.So i refused to trust my feelings.BUt all i know is that when i think of my childhood days with my father i feel fear and pain!I changed so much. im not the sweet girl that i once was! Im so different and it sucks bad!When i was molested by my brother at such a young age i threw it so deep in my mind that for so many years i had forgotten and i thought that it would never affect me. But everything did affect me deeply but it also made me stronger a survivor! I wish no one had to go through this.
I am a victim of incest .I was very small when it first happened around three or four I can remember some of what happened,but I can not remember who did it.Since that first time I was a victim of incest till I was 15 ,mostly because I thought it was normal and I thought it made me feel loved.I can't get past it I am 40 years old with grown children and I still can't get past what happened to me.All I remember about the first time it happened was the person ( an uncle I think) sat my on the bottom of the bed and made me put his penis in my mouth.I can remember riding in the car with my parents and having to sit on one of my uncles lap,and he would sit there in the backseat and talk to my dad while he had his hands down my pants.The older I get the harder it is to live with what happened to me as a child.
when I was little. I went over my uncles house. & he told me it was bath time. & He told me to take my clothes off downstairs. So I took my clothes off downstairs then he strapped me to a ironing board & proceded to rape me. Then he told me not to tell anyone. But my mom came to pick me up. As soon as I got in the car I started balling my eyes out. & I told her. I am 15 know. But I still think about it. I want to go visit him & see how strong I am but Im afraid that once I see him I will cry. But I want to be strong. I ask myself everyday why did he do this to me? His own felish in blood.
I am a caregiver for the elderly and mentally ill patients in a hospital in the mental health unit. I am currently helping an elderly lady who was raped repeatedley by her dad. She suffers from both bi and unipolar as a result. The woman is a nervous wreck and I am trying to help her. She tells me time and again she is worthless and she is suicidal. I am posting this to make everyone aware that rape and incest is not sex It is violence and dishearting. I hope people get what they deserve in life when they commit acts of violence, rape, incest and the like.
was 4 when my mother started dating a man she knew was sexually turned on by me.She would get me out of bed and put me in the bath then dry me off as he watched. She married this man and he sexually harassed and upon occasion molested me until I was 16.
I told my brother who was three years older than I when I was ten, asking him for help. He started molesting me and invited his friends to do so as well.
My biological father was in and out of my life and never touched me but mentally abused me and at times I would catch him looking at me inappropriately.
Life was what I made of it though and for quite a few years I made it GREAT! I was happy, doing everything and anything I wanted and indulged myself in simple ways like I only like the top of a muffin so I would feed the rest to the birds, same with frosting on cake or eating salads with lots of full fat dressing, whole milk... Going for a six mile run but doing ten because it felt to good to stop, learning things I wished I could do but didn't know how like surfing, snowboarding, windsurfing, tennise, saving pennies to travel lived is several states east, west and pacific.... Then
I was 32 and had moved to a new state because of a degree program, little less then a year I was out with a group of friends and drank enough I was going to have to sleep some off before I could drive home and some others had the same problem so one of the men in the group who lived walking distance away invited those who wanted to stay at his house… two others and myself took him up on his offer. The next morning I was the last to get up and he decided not to let me leave. For a few days he fed me drugs and took what he wanted from me…. I became very ill at one point and knew I was in a life or death situation so I plotted my escape successfully but he woke up the second the front door closed and came after me. I was already outside in a public area so I guess he didn’t know what to do exactly as I was crawling down the street so he followed me and at times would try to pull me down dark ally or into a sacluded are and made it look like he was helping me when people where close enough…. I would cry out but he would make gestures to people indicating I was drunk and/or crazy, no one helped. As I went along I kould feel myself fade out I would talk to him and at some point some how convinced him I would never say anything and if he would just take me to the hospital --security cameras would pick it up and even if I did say something he would have proof on film he helped me and who would believe me when the evidence was to the contrairy in black and white. It worked. Both ways. He carried me a few blocks to an ER,as well as them not believe me when I told them what had happened. The doctors asked me during my hysterics if I was intoxicated or under the influence of drugs, I said no not having fully absorbed parts of my current event and when the labs came back the Dr.’s yelled at me with such venom telling me I was a liar and I could cost them there medical licenses and get the hospital in trouble, called me a junkie and debated about if I would get treatment or not… At some point I passed out from the pain and the trauma and woke up to an even worse nightmare.
I was in so much pain but they wouldn’t help me because of the drugs in my system I guess and probably didn’t believe me so I tried to escape from the hospital but was not successful…. It took them two days of me screaming and crying, calling for the police or for them to just kill me it was so bad…. I’d had many scraps on my body and blisters on my feet (they thought one of the blisters on my little toe was an injections sight for drugs) something got infected, the infection moved into my blood stream, they ended up doing emergency exploratory surgery after which I was diagnosed with septic shock and a flesh eating bacterial infection, told my option was amputation with a rather low chance of living or I would die within a day or so. I chose death and wouldn’t sign the papers. They deemed me mentally unfit to make medical decisions for myself and then they took what they did. Apparently I died. A few times. I woke up with tubes going straight into my arms up to my heart (not to be confused with the also present IV) I was still in pain like you never knew existed. I was in a private room off of the ICU for a couple of weeks. When I was more stable they put me in the general ICU and I was assigned a private trauma RN who was very nice and I thought the worst was over. Do I need to say the RN was male? He treated me like I was precious, he said I was a living angle because how else could I have lived though everything I have? He also started giving me extra medication because he was “sympathetic” to how much pain I was in and technically he wasn’t doing anything wrong, I was beyond grateful until bed baths became his “intimate” exploration of my body and what he could get away with, he never wore gloves, he would put his fingers inside my vagina to make sure my catheter was clean, he put his mouth on top of my vagina and pant hot breath as he covered my breasts with his hands… I keept my eyes closed, I didn’t yell. I didn’t do or say a thing to anyone. He was in control of my pain and I was going to pay the price for relief.
I had never used drugs, I was obsessed with being active and healthy and took excellent care of my body because it was the only thing I could do for myself over the years after I left home. I am ashamed to say I was even a bit judgmental about people who used street drugs and even medication because I had studied medicine both western and eastern and I was convinced, save some ailments, most health issues could be delt with through strict exercise and diet…. Now I know otherwise. When your body hurts, screams in agony, everyday all day, all night, never ends… you will do anything to make it stop. In my case it never stopped it just became sufferable for short periods of time. After several surgeries I was put into isolation and not to be touched, moved, bothered in any way to give my body a fighting chance at healing and take to the transplanted muscles, veins, tissue, skin….. On the third day my special RN showed up off the clock to check in on me. I was off his floor and out of his care but he said he was emotionally invested in my health and wanted to make sure I was being treated well. He brought me gifts and toiletries. He said he knew how much I hated not having a bath so he was going to take care of me and had cleared it with the floor nurses. I declined and knew if he did what he wanted it would put my new parts in peril so I started to panic. He was quick though prepping my bed, moving my call button, assured me he wouldn’t move me an inch. For extra incentive he brought a stash of drugs from his home. A bottle of liquid codeine cough syrup, and two bottles of pills one oxy the other morphine all with the labels pealed off so I wondered if he was steeling from patients or the hospital directly but that’s besides the point. Again, I declined like it or not I was going to live and if I was going to suffer through addressing my situations I wanted all the body parts to stay intact as much as possible. He became impatient and pissed off and sexually assaulted me minuses the grouping and kissing and touching --this was all about control and ego. Me freezing cold, naked, wet head to toe, moved this way and that felt like forever until he’d was good and ready to change the saturated sheets, dry me off and cover me back up, on his way out with a I’ll check on you again soon.
I had wet bandages – a treatment to help the healing and need to be changed religiously every few hours. By the next morning my newly created parts started to turn black. With out being to graphic it looked like areas had been sprinkled with pepper. Called narcotizing which just means it’s dying tissue.
I spent the next three months watching parts of me die. So now not only did I suffer from the emanate loss I had to watch and overcome the loss of what was taken from other parts of my body, most of a forearm, muscles from my back, skin from both thighs. This is a crazy long post. I don’t think I would go on and on like this. I’m sure it won’t be read through and feel like I'm being morbid way… If someone read this it would probably scare them or make them queasy so it is yucky sending it into a public arena….. What to do.
Well it’s been two years ago now and more had happened but I tired of writing and I think it is sufficiently over done. I do think I will post again to get the last two years out compleating the story. It’s not as gruesome but crazy as crazy can get… everything from first being taken in by a family claming to be charitable caring Christians (as I needed care and was still confined to a bed)ended up being meth dealers/addicts, to being homeless living in the back of an SUV, being continuously approached and propositioned-- sex for money, sex for a place to live, to a friend stepping in and turning out to be a sex addict and a sociopath. Thanks for the space to put this out. Sorry if it’s a hard read as well as poorly written it just started flowing out and I’m not going to edit or I will have second thoughts about posting.
I wish all well and assure everyone who is suffering, feeling alone, desperatly needing someone to car, I have so much love in my heart I give it to all of you, as much as you want, as much as you need.My biggest problem to date is I have nobody to love and my heart is so full it actually feels like it’s going to burst. I give freely and ask for nothing in return so talk to me. I'm not saying I can solve or save. I will only care, be concerned, and love
I thought my email address would show in the tag line but no. So anyone want to chat. Give me advice. Need someone to talke to and unload your story, I'm always available, never worry I'll think it's too much or badly of you. Please reach out. I don't want anyone else to feel desperatly alone. email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will get back to you always.
Hi, this is one of the first times I have ever talked about this. When I was 15 my mom, my brother and I went to go live at her new boyfriends house. They havent been dating for very long, a couple of months at most. Two weeks later my brother had moved out. I wanted her new boyfriend to like me so I thought hugging and stuff was normal. A few weeks later he told me he would pick me up from work, even though I lived 5 minutes away. I was having a really good day, I got in his truck it was around 10pm. He didnt take me home, instead we were driving out of town. I remember he grabbed on to my hand and I didnt know how to act. All of a sudden he pulled over and he pushed the middle seat down and came over to my side of the truck. I kept asking what are you doing and he would say i want to show you what guys would do to you. It was horrible, hes a pretty big guy around 6 foot 4 and im really little and half the time i cant even open a bottle. He undid my pants and my bra and held down my hands so i couldnt move. I was crying and screaming for him to stop. Eventually I got a hold of my hand and tried to push him away. Lucky for me, he realized what he was doing was wrong and stopped. He went back to his side of the truck, and drove away. I always think that i should of done more, like tried to get out but my mind just froze and completely shut down. I couldnt move or do anything. The whole way back home I cried. We pulled in the drive way I went downstairs to bed and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I went upstairs and talked to my mom when she got home. I told her what he did to me and i was hoping that she would pack up our stuff and we would leave but instead she told me that she had to go back to work. I spent the day hiding in my room with the door locked, I didnt know what else to do because I wasnt talking to my dad at the time because my mom made me believe that he was a bad guy. When my mom came back from work, her and troy sat me down and they told me not to tell anyone of what happened and if i did i would be in so much trouble. I was 15, very unsecure of myself, i felt like i didnt have anywhere else to go so i kept my mouth shut for my mom out of some kind of twisted love. Days, months and years after that she would catch me in my room crying and would say "i cant believe your still on that get over it." the worst part of it all was i had live with that guy for four years wondering if and when he would do it again. I was so scared and when I told my manager about it a few weeks after it happened, they sat me down and called me a selfish bitch. They made me believe that it was all my fault and i was a terrible person. We had a rape presentation in grade 12 and everyone was laughing, i started to cry and had to leave in the middle of it. I put on my happy face for so long and the worst part of it was, i started talking to my dad again and everytime he would ask me if her boyfriend was good to me and for my mom everytime i said yes. Before my grad, her boyfriend went to go give me a hug and i took a step back. That was the point when i realized that what they had done to me was not ok and nothing was my fault. My dad, my brother and i went for a trip to quebec in july. I packed my suitcase for a week and a half. On that trip i decided that enough was enough and i broke down and told my dad and my brother. My dad was so pissed and heartbroken. I called my mom and i told her that i had told him. On the day of my flight back, she called me and told me that i was not allowed to go back home. Its now October and im still living out of my suitcase at my dads. No one should ever have to keep a secret like that its a terrible thing to go through. Ive realized now that no matter what happens in this world there is always someone out there i can talk to. I lived for 4 years in pain and with a guy who i was extremly scared of. Although it has been four years im still scared that one day i will get raped again. I keep a certain distance away from guys and i stay away from the whole bar scene. My mom still does not understand what she and her ex did was wrong. Now she is dating this new guy and i met him the other day. I went there just to pick up my stuff and he was on the couch. He got up to give me a hug and i backed away and went to the lobby downstairs to get out. My mom chased after me asking me why i was being so rude and she called me selfish. I hope this story inspires someone to tell the truth because no one should ever have to go and keep a secret like that, i had a very low self esteem and cried myself to sleep many nights. I felt like i was a horrible terrible person and what had happened to me was all my fault. Its not, i realize that people who abuse others are emotionally insecure and so unhappy that they have to make others miserable. Thanks so much, I hope this helps others like it helped me.
Iv been thru soo much in my life . I was raped wen I was 14 by someone that I cared for soo very muchh he waas my bf at the time I was 14 he was 18. The pain I go thru everyday is unbearable . I had my hole chuildhood taken from me and I feel as if I am all redi dead . I feel ur painn and I cry with each and every one of yu. No that u r not alone ppl call me a slut and tell me I am worthless. It comes to the point whrre I actualy call myself those things. I feel worthles on the insidee and many times I think of death . Life is soo hard but I no to stay strong I will make it thru . One day I will smile and actualy mean it . But for now let us all live as survivors as beautiful ppl who have a meaning in life . Xoxo
my sister is 20 she has a baby and she is unemployed so she lives with my dad but he keeps kickin her out the house because she cant find a job....about 3 months ago my sister called me cryin tellin me she wanted to die!! i felt soo bad because she lives in nevada and i live in california and there was absolutly nothin i could do! she kept tellin me she wanted to die!! she felt worthless because of my dad kickin her out!! she couldnt find a job and she didint have money to but things for her baby!! i talked to her on the phone and i told her she needed to be strong for her and her baby!! now 3 months later she told me that that one day she called me she had woken up because some guy druged her and raped her!! i feel soo bad because she did not report this!! she tells me she cant take it she keeps dreaming about it!! and says the only way out is suicide!! i dont know what to do? or how to help her? does someone know what i can do?
He was an x boy freind who had sexuall relationships with my sister so we broke up. i stop seeing him for a while and he tricked me. i was so stupid and i went to his house. He locked his door and i couldnt get away. He pushed me on the bed and well you know did what he did. i felt so nasty just so grows. some how i felt it was my fault. im just so tired of it. i try to live my normal life and i show that im aright but at night when i sleep i still feels his discousting hands on me. i dont know what to do i feel like noone understands me. i just feel like its all over my world just fell on mme like that.
I'm sorry. I've read alot of these, and I'm crying now, but all I can do is pray. My mother has always been abused (raped) since she was a little girl, and later on by other men, and even just a few months ago, and I was drunk, in my room....why didn't she call out, was it my fault because, I didn't go to check on her like I always do? I'm so sorry mommy.
I'm sorry that this happened to all of u that u were subjected 2 such trauma. I was raped by my ex & he is an alcoholic. I am still very upset about this angry, everything. I have flashbacks of the assault. I am being forgiving enough 2 have him go to a program that will cure him of his problem. I just want 2 get into a stable situation 4 me & my niece & nephew. I know there mother will protect them. But she has a horrible temper as well & talks indecently in front of the children. they have fights in front of the children. i believe. I know they have flaws & need 2 work on themselves. The children do not need 2 b subjected or witness any of the abuse & disrespect from these 2 towards eachother. I know that I have every right 2 b righteously angry over what has happened & insistant that he get help or I will file court documents & take the kids, the money everything temporarily.
Well I was just starting the 6th grade and thats when the abuse began. It all statred when he would force himself into the bathroom while I was taking a shower. He would always wait until my mom was either sleeping or gone. Then he would start grabbing my butt and hugging me inappropriately. One night I was in my room getting ready to go to bed he came in my room. I had just layed down and the next thing I know he laid right behind me and started fondling me. I told him to stop but he wouldnt. He told me that I was being a baby and that I was weird. He finally left and I cried myself to sleep that night. I didnt tell my mom bc I knew she wouldnt believe me.
Later that month we moved and my mom was working all of the time. Thats when it started again. He would wait until my mom was gone and force me to go in his room. He would literally drag me in the room or he would bust in my door if I tried to lock it. He would hold me down and try to perform oral on me. I always fought him off and when I did he would tell me that nobody liked me and that my mom hates me and if I told her she wouldnt believe me. I went through middle school wanting to kill myself. I had no comfidence. We moved back to our home town and thats when he started raping me. It would happen everyday it seemed like. He would tell my mom some bull crap story to get me in trouble where I couldnt go anywhere. So he would rape me. I finally worked up the nerve to tell my mom 2 years later that he was raping me. She was shocked and crying and I thought she was goint to leave him. But she didnt. She stayed with him and made me promise not to tell anyone. She is still with him. Later on I find out that he was doing my sister the same way. The bad thing is my mom is hpv positive and here recently I had a blood test done and now Im hpv positive. Im finally going to speak up and press charges against him. Dont be afraid to tell. I was and now Im paying for it. He will pay for what he has done to me. I hope that the rest of you do the same thing.
When I was about 5 my older cousin who was around 14 told me to follow himto my room.There he touched me in those wierd places. I didn't understand about sex or sexual abuse so I thought that it was fun. We preceded over 2 years to almost full sexual intercourse. When my family moved I learned what it was my cousin and I'd done at my new school.
I blocked out almost half of my life from then on not wanting to remember all the times me and him felt good. I'm starting to remember those memories after a class on rape. I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?
When i was 19 i was with a guy for a while and i made him for sex. When i used to stay at his he used to try to pull my trousers off but i always told him no. Never really gave it much thought at the time. We finally ended up sleeping together. One night we had an argument and fell out but i still had to stay there as i had no way of getting home. Just thought i would leave in the morning and not have to see him again. I woke up to him getting on top of me and undoing my jeans. I said no and tried to push him off me but he just pinned my wrists down and carried on anyway. I kept saing 'NO, get off me' and 'please stop'. i struggled at first but then i rememberd thinking if you don't struggle then it will be over quicker and he will let you go so i just kind of lay there staring at the wall preying for it to be over. After i never really seen it as rape. I told my friend and she said that it was but i thought 'cos he had been my boyfriend and i had previously had sex with him that it could not have been rape. I also kept going over the fact that i didn't scream for help. Shortly after, and this is the thing that still haunts me is when my uncle tried to have sex with me. I met my dad's family when i was 16. When i was 19 i had been working late and bumped into my uncle in town. I had just finished and about to walk home but instead he offered me a taxi with him. Seeing as it was my uncle i hopped in. He was with a couple of friends and when we got to my stop he asked if he could come in for a coffee as his friends lived in a different direction and he said he would just book another taxi from mine. I was quite surprized but thought i would be safe with my uncle and felt like i could not really say no. As soon as we was through the door he was over powering me. I just froze. Maybe because of what happend before. Then he put his hands down the front of my pants and telling me to have sex with him. It all was abit of a blur. I remember frantically trying to push his hand away. I remember him also trying to kiss me and saying he wanted a relationship with me. I told my family but to this day did not go into full details. He never denied it but now i have nothing to do with my dads side of the family. I did not think there is anything i could do as i was over 18 and he had not raped me and it wernt incest as we did not have sex even though he tried. He was forceful but i just decided to try and forget about it. Now i am thinking about talking to a councellor about all of this as some days i feel so sad and ashamed and embarressed that i just want to die when i think about it i can't stop crying. I am now 21
When I was 15 my 'best friend' raped me. I was so depressed that I started cutting myself, doing poorly at school, had nightmares..etc...
I reported him to the police but I never knew what happenned to him.
I am now 21 and a few days ago I received an email from him saying that he was in jail for 2 years and that he is sorry and that he is going to kill himself.
I am depressed again. My current boyfriend whom I've been with for 1 year found out and now he hates me because he thought I was a virgin...Now he thinks I am not worth anything because I was raped and was not a virgin before we had sex.
I am a guy. When i was 5, i was sent to a daycare which abused me on a regular basis for doing the silliest things like accidently spilling some juice...they would slam me into walls, they would slap me, and beat my back, and my face. I remained there for 7 and 1/2 years. At the age of 7, a person who i thought was my friend forced me to remove my clothes and fondled me...then he raped me analy for an hour...i spent two hours afterwards, crying, naked, cleaning up a mess of blood and his semen before i could finally lie down and cry myself to sleep. To this day i live with an abusive father who does the whole cyclic abuse thing...coming in and out, abusing me just because he's mad, then being sorry, then doing it again....im scared...so scared...i can never stop crying...and i really want to die. ='[
When I was 13, my parents had gone away on holiday and left a very close family friend to look after my sister and I. He was 10 years older than me and I looked up to him like a brother. One night he came into my room in the middle of the night and lay down next to me. I didn't really know what was going on, I trusted him so much that I didnt think he would be capable of doing anything to hurt me. He started fondling me and telling me it was okay. I told him no over and over but he kept going and telling me it was all okay.. I froze up. He raped me, then picked up his clothes and went and slept in the next room while I cried myself to sleep. When I look back now I get so mad at myself for not screaming out..for not trying harder to get away. My life could have been so much different if only I had tried harder to stop him. Why did i just freeze up?! Since then , my life went into a downward spiral. I changed schools six times, had anoerexia, bulimia and turned to drugs before eventually dropping out of school. Life is starting to look up for me now. But it has taken such a long time as I havent been able to forgive myself for letting it happen.
When I read of all the other experiences people have had it makes me so sad. I know mine is weak in comparison but to this day I still hurt so much. I'm so sorry to all those people out there who have had to endure such pain. Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel seems like such a long way away.. but it is also empowering to know that there are other people who have endured and conquered! I send love to all those who have and who are trying to.
I am so, so very sorry to hear about everyone's tradgic stories. They really do make me want to bleed inside. When i read all of these stories i cried and cried, although i, myself have never been sexually assualted, and can't imagine what it could be like, it is just so heart-wrenching to read and it's just so sad. I just want everyone out there, who has been assualted in any form of way, whether the case was small or big, to remember that even though it may be tough and you feel like you want to die, don't give up on hope because what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. And i believe in everyone of you to hopefully get back ontop of life and try to be happy. There are so many people to support you and trust is hard to gain again, that much i know but i just dont understand how some people can be so inhumane and selfish, it's disgusting and such a devestation. I wish you all the very best and once again remember don't give up on hope, it's what keeps you going.
i have been abused by my family my entire life. my father constantly hits, threatens, grabs, and hurts me all of the time. Lately, my older sister has started to abuse me as well. My mother does not care and says it is because i antagonize people. i'm sorry, but even if i do "antagonize" people, that is absolutely no excuse to put your hands on me. Even today, both my sister and my father grabbed and shoved me, enough to leave noticable marks on my arm. Whenever, i tell them i am going to contact the police, they laugh at me and say that they will just tell the police i am psychotic and say that their behavior does not qualify as abuse. I am well aware that what they do is battery but I can't bring myself to call the police. I have been abused my entire life and my body is covered in enough scares to retell the tale, and I know that if I were to call the police he would just be more abusive and my life would become more worse than it already is now. The way they treat me has made me so depressed that at one point i became suicidal. This is not fair and I truly am at all loss. I have experienced way to much hate and violence for a sixteen year old and all I know is that I cant live like this anymore. my entire life is a lie, i have never been able to tell anyone about this, in fact this is the first time that i have actually acknowledged that i have been abused my whole life. I dont know what to do or who can i confide in. I just hope that something can be learned from my ongoing experiences, no one should have to suffer what i have had to endure my entire life.
its true that no one deserves to be molested, abused, or raped, but i am different. when i was four i was molested by my babysitters brother, he told me not to tell. as i grew older worse things happened...my mother hated me from the start she always said i was an evil girl and got everything i deserved for being so bad. she'd hit me all the time especially after my step dad died when i was 12 she said it was my fault...and i believe it. when i was 10 i was raped by my friends everytime i spent the night. it happened multiple times from then until a few weeks ago im 14 now. no one ever cares or listens i know my life could be so much worse and im thankful for what i have. i know i deserve what has happened and still happens nothing will ever change. but it will be ok...
please do not blame yourself. You are only 14 an should be protected always. Please contact childline, a teacher, etc. Anyone who you can trust. It is not ur fault! You have the right to have many happy yrs ahead and a very positive one. Please get help by talking to someone about it. I know it maybe scary, but if ur strong enough to come this far, then you can do it. It will be ok.
Hello my name is Mesha i am 19 years old and i need your help i have been assaulted and anal rape all my life and its still happen to this day by men close to my family and people in my family, it was not a problem that much into i wake up... i cant sleep no more and when i do all i dream about is them men its driving me crazy its massing me up in the head i talk about it in my dreams so now one people know now i cry and ask them plzzz do not tell.. i cant do anything with a men because i am scared of them.. i don't think i am gay because i do like men and i can get turn on by them its just when they try to touch me below i don't like it at all i am a 19 year old Virgin and i hate men i believe all men are fucking rapping in they only way.... so plzzz help me before i do something crazy i feel like i want to kill him at times and i am not a person who would want to do something like that because i am into god but i don't trust my self i am not playing to this day i do not know what i did to make them men want to do them things to me i am a good person i help people when they need me i am the type of person who will give you my last if you need it and if you every need someone to talk to i will be the one you can come to i am just not the same anymore i cant talk to people about how i feel anymore thats why i don't know why i am doing this right now because i don't trust people i feel like every time he put is dirty pen in me i dead more and more every day i don't want to tell the cops at all because who the person is to me and i know my family will hate me and i don't like people feeling sorry for me sooo plzzz help me and i don't want to take it that far i hate to say i am use to it thats how i know i need help....
when i was around 8 years old my baby brother was born and my mom started working so we moved in with my uncle and his son who he gets every weekend. after my mom stated working, my uncle would watch my brother and i. i remember one day i was in the basement watching a movie with my uncle. and with me bieng 8 years old, ofcourse i got restless and so i told him i was bored and wanted to play a game instead of sitting on the couch with him. he told me to sit on his lap (i would always sit on his lap and he would pretend it was a horse for me to ride) but when i sat on his lap this time, he said i should just sit back and relax while he rubbed my tummy. he really put his hand down my pants. i was only 8 and didnt know better and so he told me it was play time and we were going to try playing something new and to take my clothes off. at first i was hesitant to follow his directions but i did what i was told after he said he was going to tell on me. then he gave me oral and then intercourse. he also did this to his girl friends daughter who was about 12 at the time as well as my neighbor who was 10. a year later he and his gorlfriend broke up and she moved out with her daughter and the neighbor moved away so it was just me. this went on for about 2 more years then he moved in with his girlfriend and her 3 kids (2 boys, 1 girl) they soon got married and they were fine for a few years til she said she saw him trying to touch her little girl. when i was 12 she contacted the children in youth and they took me in for questoning but i denied it, im not sure why but looking back now i remember, when he first touched me he told me that if i told anyone about our "play time" i would never ever see his son again and i was and i still am very close to my cousin. when i was 13 he started doing it again and i tried pulling back but he would drag me across the floor and rip my clothes off of me and a couple of times he did it to me in my sleep when i would spend the night over his house with my brother because our parents had no time to drop us off at our grandparents the night before or they wouldnt be home, i would wake up with his seamen all over my clothes. i am 16 now and he still tries doing this but a few months ago i told him that i didnt want anything to do with his sick crooked mind or any of his sexual desires anymore and that he basically took my innocence and childhood away from me and the next time he would do it, i would call children in youth. i havent been alone with him since nor do i want to be.
When I was 13 I touched my 7 year old cousins vagina she was willing and when she asked me to stop I did but I feel soo guilty what do I do is that rape I am soo scared and worried I can't tell anybody or should I should I confess to god I want to tell somebody but I am too scared please help
She was willing and ok until she asked me to stop when I did
my family was falling apart because my mum wanted to find a way she twisted i didnt see my mum family for 9 years she would put me down call me fat, spaz, no one likes you and your evil it would put me down i even got cerebal palsy i would cry she would give me threats at 10 to kick me out send me childrens home coz i kept wetting myself i couldnt help it at school or i was telling the truth to lie she even threat to belt me for a long time she did it once when i was 11 i told them they never beleive me but my mum.. when my mum got a job to do 4 - 9pm my stepdad would perv over me and etc get me watching porn i didnt like when i was 12 then it went to kissing me then all way down to private he wanted to do anal stuff i had to he wouldnt stop pestering about it.. at 16 he wanted me sleep with him i wouldnt let him i told him stop and leave me alone over the years last time he did it was june coz my mum fell downstair anal downstairs and making me do dirty stuff with him last 5 years.. i was bullied at school too and my mum become worse to me it is and she beaten up badly for months i got kicked out last summer she got way ostayed at my mates few days got social services involved contact my nan stayed at hers it been horrible experience last 2 months i been having horrible thoughts all the stuff my stepdad did got worse in 2 weeks feeling sick and didnt wanna do things i normally do i told the police saying i got 4 different statements when isaid the same thing they dont believe me i cry and etc and feel unwell in the interviews they wanted to get me examied i prob got a scar tissue i was scared i get arrested if it wasnt enough wasnt there only person can come forward is my bro he knows about it i had to lie to my family so i dont go thru it... i hope god forgives me i love god even tho i dont show it... every happens for a reason...
fresh start tomorrow and look forward to the future
I was sexually abused as a child by my stepdad. I was raped by an exboyfriend years ago. I was sexually assaulted by my husband's friend several years ago. This person has since been to prison for raping other women but is now out. My husband is now friendly with him again and even shakes his hand. I am so confused! I don't understand how he could be ok with this guy. Why do these things happen repeatedly to the same people? I feel very angry and hurt right now, but I have been married for 16 years and am shocked that he can be ok with a man who has no remorse for trying to rape his wife!!! This makes me feel worthless. I know my value because I am a child of God, but at the same time, I don't feel valued by people who should value me. I am just so confused!!!!!
I would like to tell you all my story. I hope that my story helps you to put your faith in Jesus as my troubles in this life cause me to draw near to Jesus for love and acceptance. I remember as a toddler my step father was very hard core. He would change my diaper just so he could molest me. My reaction was always the same. The act was so painful that I cause myself to escape in my mind. I would literally go to another place mentally blocking out the things this man did to me. One night, my step father who decided to give me and my sister a bath, started looking at me in a sick perverted way. He put his fingers inside of my vagina and told me he was just cleaning it. It hurt and I asked him if it was clean yet. He told me that he would be done when he was good and ready. I put my head against the bath tub wall and became unreachable. I remember my mom pulling me out of the tub and taking me into a room where she started asking me questions about my stomach hurting etc. She went out into the hallway and yelled at my dad and said she saw what he did. He kept denying it. She came back in the room to dress me but he stood right there with that same look in his eye watching me. That night after I was in bed, he came back in the room to finish what he started. The next thing I knew I was in the Spirit and Jesus was holding me while my dad raped me. Jesus cried for me. I saw a demon on my dads back whispering in his ear about me. I also saw my sister in the other bed next to mine telling him that I was crying. He pointed his finger at her and told her to go to bed or she would be next. He put his penis inside of me. I noticed the entire time he did not once think of me. It was just about his gratification only. After he was done he wiped away the blood and left the room. I returned to my body and felt shrivled up and frozen. I survived that night because Jesus preserved me but I became handicapped emotionally. It wasn't until 2006 that Jesus freed me from that prison. I now cry and have real emotions that I have never felt before.
Just know that whatever you have been thru or whatever you are going thru now. Jesus saw it. He felt your pain and one day he will comfort you. This life is temporary and painful. The scriptures tell us the whole world is under a curse but Jesus came to give us eternal life. "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make allthings new."
You see God loves you and it is not conditional. You don't have to work hard for it or earn it or do enough good deeds. Only come to Him with your hurts and pains and ask him to heal you. He alone understands you.
If anyone wants to talk, feel free to email me at email@example.com. God Bless you All. Love you too!!
IN MY EARLY 50'S HAVING MAJOR PROBLEMS RELATING TO MEN IN GENERAL ON A SEXUAL BASIS STEMS BACK TO GROWING UP AND BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED BY DEAR OL DAD..I WAS EMOTIONALLY, VERBALLY, PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, & SEXUALLY ABUSED BY MY PARENTS..WHOM I CHOOSE NOT TO CALL THEM "MY" PARENTS..REAL PARENTS DONT DO THIS TO THEIR CHILDREN SO I CHOOSE NOT TO REFER THEM AS "MY" PARENTS.IVE BEEN IN THERAPY SINCE I WAS IN MY EARLY 20'S BUT HAD SEVERE PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL THROUGHOUT MY LIFE & DURING MY SCHOOL YEARS..THE SEXUAL ABUSE BEGAN WHEN I WAS 7 IT LASTED FIVE VERY LONG YRS. BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS WARNED THAT IF I EVER TOLD ANYONE THAT MY SISTER WOULD BE VERY HURT..SO, WITH THIS IN MIND AS A 7 YR. OLD I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING TO ANYONE UNTIL I BECAME AN ADULT. BACK IN THOSE DAYS PEOPLE DIDNT TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS...THOUGH I HAD MANY PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL AND ALSO HAD MANY THERAPIST / COUSELORS IN SCHOOL IT NEVER CAME OUT ONLY THAT I WAS A POOR STUDENT. AS AN ADULT IN MY 40'S I WAS RAPED BY A DEAR FRIEND OR SO I THOUGHT WAS A DEAR FRIEND. WE NEVER DATED YET WERE JUST GOOD FRIENDS, DURING A BLIZZARD THAT LITERALLY SHUT DOWN ALL OF NYC I WAS SURPRISED BY A VISIT FROM THIS SO CALLED GOOD FRIEND WHICH I THOUGHT NOTHING OF & BY THINKING I WAS DOING A GOOD DEED IT COST ME MROE THAN I EVER THOUGHT ...SO GOING THROUGH EVERYTHING I ENDURED AS A CHILD UP UNTIL I WAS 12, THEN IN MY EARLY 40'S BRUTALLY RAPED, LOSING MY JOB OVER BEING SO SEVERLY DEPRESSED AND HURT, ANGERED, ETC. AGAIN THE ENTIRE CITY WAS PARALYZED BY THE BLIZZARD WE HAD , NO TRAIN SERVICE, NO CARS IN THE STREETS, PEOPLE STRUGGLING TO WALK WHEREVER THEY NEEDED TO BE & THE PHONE LINES DEAD THERE WASNT MUCH I COULD DO EXCEPT LAY IN BED CRYING , TAKING ALL THE BEDDING & THROWING IT ALL AWAY, GETTING INTO A HOT SHOWER AND SCRUBBING MYSELF TILL MY SKIN BLED & STILL FEELING DIRTY. AS AN ADULT IVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR YRS. WITH SEVERAL DIFFERENT PROBLEMS, CANT SEEM TO FIX ONE PROBLEM BEFORE GOING INTO THE NEXT..IVE BEEN BLESSED TO HAVE HAD SOME GOOD THERAPIST BUT THE HURT , PAIN, ANGER, ALL THE WHAT IF'S ARE ALWAYS THERE...I WASNT KILLED NOT AS A CHILD NOR AS AN ADULT SO DOES THIS MAKE ME A SURVIVOR? MY HEART GOES OUT TO ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN AFFECTED BY ANY TYPE OF ABUSE ..I KNOW NOW IT WASNT MY FAULT OR ANYTHING I DID TO PROVOKE IT..ITS THE EVIL MENTALITY OF THE HUMAN RACE..BUT THESE PEOPLE ARENT HUMANS , THEY ARE ANIMALS, COWARDS, I THINK BACK THAT IF I WERE TO GO BACK TO THOSE TIMES HOW WOULD I DO THINGS ? WOULD I DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT? WOULD I FIGHT MORE? I WONDER...AND YES TODAY IN MY EARLY 50'S IM STILL IN THERAPY AND FIGHTING TO OVERCOME THE FEARS I HAVE, NOT TRUSTING "MEN" ENOUGH TO DATE, IVE NEVER BEEN MARRIED NOR HAVE I EVER HAD CHILDREN..ITS A VERY BIG HURDLE ONE HAS TO JUMP OVER TO GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU FEEL YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO GO OUT AND NOT FEEL SCARED...BUT I CONTINUE MY THERPAY TO FIX MY BROKEN PARTS, TO MAKE MY LIFE BETTER AND TO OVERCOME ALOT OF WHAT'S STILL A VERY BIG PART OF MY BROKEN BODY...I FEEL LIKE A BROKEN TOY, OR CHAIR, OR COMPUTER...
I have a similar problem…I am a survior…I was abused …repeatedly gang raped in fact by a high school cheer leading squad…against my will and the worst part is that I started to enjoy it…I feel so ashamed and used…like I am trash…I have thought of killing myself.
It happened the first time when I was only 13 I was walking home from school and passed a high school…the female cheer leaders were working on their routines..I stopped and watched them…just innocently I was fascinated by their pysical abilities.. after a few mins. one of them I think it was the gang leader, she was a tall lanky girl with a dominant attitude..she noticed me and asked me to join them and help them with their routines…well being naive and a virgin I stupidly agreed..the girls would jump and I would catch them..nothing major there I felt uncomfortable because some of them began to touch me inappropriately…but it got worse! After they had all run and I caught them a few times, the told me I was very handsome and they liked them…I was of course flattered but then the invited to come with them to there cheer leading van for a coke to repay me for my help…like a poor naive guy I said yes and they surrounded me…somewhat too closely I remember now and led me to the van…The gang leader opened up the van and handed me a can of coke then said…it’s too warm let me put that in a glass…well I should have run at that point but like I have said I was too naive so I said okay..then the gang leader said that she couldn’t reach the cups would I climb inside and bring out some for everybody…thinking that this was an innocent request I of course agreed…so I climbed inside…they all laughed…an evil knowing laugh and before I could do anything, they all piled inside, grabbed me and held me down..I cried and struggled but it was no use there were too many of them and they were too determined to have me…AND THEY ALL DID…I won’t go into everything they made me do but it involved numerous positions and choclate syrup…the last part is the worst I can’t enjoy chocolate to this very day… After they all had their way with me and made me do evil disqusting things to them and they to me…they let me go…I cried all the way home…I was afraid to tell my parents or anyone and I couldn’t sleep all night… The next day I went to school…just outside I saw one of them in street clothes..she was standing on the corner near my house ..before I could go back home she approached me and said, ” I hope you enjoyed yesterday as much as we all did, I knew you were a slut” I told her I didn’t want to do that again and that it hurt….to leave me alone…She told me that they had picked me as their mascot…that I would service all of them whenever they wanted…she said that she never where I lived and who my parents were and where my little sister and brother went to school so I better play along or harm would come to them. I was terrified, I cried and begged her not to do this but she just laughed evily and said that I should get over it…no big deal …just give it up and no one gets hurt…. I ran away from her as fast as I could ducking into some bushes near school, I got sick and threw up…then later I thought about it…I tried talking to my mom about it but she wouldn’t believe me…so I kept quiet…I didn’t go to school for three days hoping they would forget about me…but mom made me go then when I was walking home I avoided the high school but just as I was close to home four of these girls jumped out of the bushes and grabbed me…One of them the gang leader put her hand over my mouth the others held my arms and legs and they dragged into a secluded wooded aread, tore off my clothes and abused me…I cried and struggled but to no avail…the worst part is that I kept getting an erection…and I even had an orgasm…more than once…Now I feel horrible…I have lost interest in my play station, even my collection of dust bunnies…I tried to speak to the school psychologist but she just laughed her ass off at me and pushed me out the door….I feel guilty and ashamed…can anyone help?
Hey everyone. Never thought I'd be on one of these sites, but here I am..
When I was 6, I had a friend & he said we were going to play "Hide & Seek."
I agreed & we hid from his sister in their shed. I didn't realize we weren't really playing Hide & Seek until he started touching me & kissing me.
He raped me in that shed & it was like my throat locked up & I couldn't say no.
I knew it was wrong. Even at 6, my parents were always open with me to the extent that no one is to touch you there.
I heard the shed door open & thought finally someone had come to stop it. It was his sister. She said, "Hurry, before anyone notices."
I'm 16 now & up until last year I had forgotten this had ever happened. For my English class, we had to write memoirs & we read one about a lady who had been raped. It was like a brick wall hit me & I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.
How could I forget something like this? Did I block it out on purpose? Oh, & I can't remember his name for the life of me. I don't know if it's part of the memory block thing or what. All I remember was that he was 11 & his sister was 13. & her name started with a "C".
Thanks to all who read this. I know I'm not alone. & to all the boys and girls who have written their terrific stories, you are in my prayers. God Bless.
first I would like to thank u for letting me post my horrible experience with other people. and thank u all for taking time out to read this. And God Bless...
I can remember in my early days my daughter was 3 years old and I haven't been with no Man since those three years I was saving my self for marriage and that perfect gentleman who ever he was I was willing to wait. Until one day I thought I met my prince charming he opened doors for me, had little gifts, and surprises for me, and romantic dinners, and even drew my bath water for me from time to time.. I began starting to let this Man meet my family and friends and they feel in love with him as he did with them. now i've been dating this Man D.A.T for 5 years WITHOUT a choice and that was a red flag right there but I didn't recognize it at first then came the 50 questions, and cutting up my clothes, knife to my throat, gun to my head, intimidation and then physically abuse, RAPE, forced orgasms, and now here I stand before God looking for an answer will I ever get my life back? will the abuse ever stop, or being brutally raped by the Man I once loved? and the scariest thing I have ever known is going what i'm going through right now with this Man... I feel so lost during the rapes its like i'm in my own little world of protection, and the physically abuse during sex is like part of my body wants it and the other part knows that its something wrong with me for feeling that way because at the same time I just want to be free... I have tried everything under the sun by getting away from this Man... and he shows me that nothing is going o stop him from getting to me when ever he wants to. and just incase if your wondering if he threatened to harm me or kill me yes he looked me dead in my eyes and said if u ever leave me i'll freaken kill you or if I can't get you i'll get someone in your family your my b**ch my property, do u understand do u hear what i'm telling you i'll make sure your ass is in the hospital I had no choice but to answer him or he would have physically abused me so I told him what he wanted to hear to stay alive then he acted as if nothing ever happened and aspects me to act as if everything is cool cause if I would have put my comment in he would have physically abused me why do I feel so confused? ashamed? I feel like its my fault. I sometimes wonder if he gets off on PAIN, or SORROW, INTIMIDATION, CONTROL, sorry for the long story but I felt every bit of it when I was writing this please leave me your comment it means a lot to me and if u believe this or not it helps me get through the day that i'm trying to live one day at a time
My spouses adult son repeatedly masturbated into my underwear while standing at the foot of the bed I was, "sleeping" in. Always waited until his dad left for work. I won't write down the awfu,l vulgar words he would speak. He had other behavioral choices that he committed towards me prior to these choices. WHen I told his father,of the behaviors prior to his masturbating in my underwear, all I got was, "Do what you have to do, he's my son". It took almost a year to finally tell "Dad" what his adult son had repeatedly done. First, my spouse laughed at me and said, "guys masturbate". I responded, "Oh really, in my underwear"? Following some counseling, for myself, My spouse finally admitted that the "assaults" his kid had on his record....well..maybe some started with CSC charges, and were pled down. IT has been 18 months since I informed "dad" of the sexual criminal conduct of his adult son. This adult male is 25 years old, and has a daughter. I don't think he sees her at this time. Which I'm thankful for. There has never been accountability for this punk. I wqas put on an anti-anxiety medication, which I am not comfortable taking. However, at least now, I don't "smell" his unshowered self, nor do I have nightmares. I still have difficulty sleeping soundly, and staying focused, especially when I'm in the house, or around the "dad'. I would like some additional suggestions as to how I can heal myself from this trauma. Not only was I assaulted, I was betrayed with intentional deceptions via my spouse. Adding to the anxiety, and hurt......I had moved my two young daughters into this environment. No they were not prey for this Punk. It was me. The hurt is still almost too much to bear sometimes. Suicide isn't an option for me. I would appreciate some suggestions. I no longer live in that house.
Hi My names Brittney im 16 years old i was sexually abused two yearss ago by a grown man he was in his twentys i was 14 and i was left alone by a random man i didnt know bc i was at my dads house for the weekend so he left me alone with this man. Well this man ended up raping me and i belive too this day he slipped somthing in my drinks bc i rem him fixing my drinks and i just remeber all my feelings i had the next morning i felt hert, damaged i couldnt remeber much i just knew he raped me because i was very sore and it was rape because i couldnt remeber nothing avenually i started remebering tho. Well that was two years ago ive tried my hardest too forget about it but honestly its nothing too forget it will always be there its hard too forget somthing like that. Well my dad just told me that when he got outta prison he found out my moms boyfriend touched me, and did bad things with me most likely this man tok my virginity! Well it took me awhile to ask my mom about it but finally i did and she says no no nothing like that happend and shell put it all on me like are you telling me somthing happend what are you talkiing about? And at first i didnt think nothing of it but i have Dreams about thinks hes done too me i remeber what the man looks like i even now his first name. And when i first actually had sex before i was raped the first time my cherry was never poped i never bled ive NEVER bled , So thats what makes me think the man took my virginty that touched me when i was younger. I dont think it would be so bad if i didnt have bad dreams about it its always there. Im so depressed I have a boyfriend and i have a child 10 month year old daughter im never happy i get mad so easily . I dont know if this can be caused from being abused ? But i believe it can effect u in somewhat way.At times i think about killing myself i just started cutting myself please give me advice lifes kinda stressful :( I just wanna be happy It almost feels like my bodys shutting down I dont know. and i would like too say im sorry too sll you that haven been there i feel yall ive been there. its somthing not forgetable and it will change your life!
I was raped while serving in the military back in 1980. Since then I have had my ups and downs in dealing with what I believe stems in part to my being raped. I have had some good therapists and treatment but in the past few years I have experienced - what I call professional abuse - from some providers/therapists. I no longer go to the VA hospital/clinics for therapy, etc. but some disgruntled therapist and/or doctor turned my voicing my concerns about medication and mental health treatment into a retaliation. I didn't want to believe that people in a mental health/hospital setting could be so abusive here in the United States but there seem to be those who treat a person as if a child and do not know a persons' whole background. Only writing the mental health issues and not the good the person has done in their lives. I have recently had a male nurse and a doctor colleague of his talk bad about me to another veteran. I was called on the phone while these individuals were discussing me without me being invited to the meeting.
Another time this past February 2012, I was in a team meeting and my recovery coach never spoke up for me. She had a silly grin on her face as if she was enjoying it. I reported the doctor to the medical board which helped a little but the medical board did not completely follow thru. This same doctor listened to a lie that someone had written in my records. I have never abused alcohol or drugs but I have been falsely accused due to retaliation from this one veteran and his so-called professional friends, etc. The male nurse has been under investigation and the doctor in the phone conversation was asked by this nurse to help him get out of this mess because he is in fear of losing his license. Evidently, some doctors who also have a law degree are giving nurses, etc. information in how to get around medical malpractice, harassment of disabled patients, etc. I strongly believe that my mental health records have been reviewed by those not given permission by me. Currently, I am only on 10 mg of an antidepressant and due to allergic reactions, I am not allowed to be put on too much medications for medical and/or psychiatric conditions.
My concern is that some others, even though they are considered professionals, are being allowed to "label" an individual with conditions that are extremely detrimental to that persons' life, etc. I also believe HIPPAA was violated in regards to a couple nurses who have been covering up for this one veteran, who claims he saw some things he should not have.
I'm very disappointed with the VA hospitals not providing better care. I have entrusted their professionals on more than one occasion and for professionals to try to lie on a patient when that patient has proof that they have never had an alcohol or drug problem is totally unhealthy and unprofessional. Where can one go to get help in situations like this?
i was raped by two boarders in my grandmothers home 60 years ago. After one of these men continued to abuse me for a year and half. I am now 78 and still suffer with anxiety, low self-esteem, and self doubt
i have not told anyone except my husband and a friend. No one is comfortable talking about it. So I continue to suppress all these feelings
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