Effects Of Abuse

Being abused does not necessarily cause psychological or medical
illness to occur. However, being abused does make it much more likely
that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur.
Victimized people commonly develop emotional or psychological problems
secondary to their abuse, including anxiety disorders and various forms
of depression. They may develop substance abuse disorders. If abuse has
been very severe, the victim may be traumatized, and may develop a
posttraumatic stress injury such as posttraumatic stress disorder
(PTSD), or acute stress disorder. If abuse has occurred from a very
early age and has been substantial, a personality disorder may occur
(such as borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders
or in some cases, a severe dissociative disorder such as dissociative
identity disorder (commonly known as multiple personality disorder).
Sexual disorders may be present. Sex may be experienced as particularly
undesirable, or physically or emotionally painful. Alternatively,
sexual promiscuity may be observed with the increased risk of sexually
transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy that such behavior carries.
Severe abuse can even lead the victim to contemplate suicide or carry
out suicidal impulses. Abuse can result in poor self-esteem, which can
lead to a lack of close and trusting relationships or to body image
issues (particularly for sexual abuse victims), which in turn can
result in eating disorders, which can be seen as victims' attempts at
self-control in one small part of life when they otherwise feels
completely out of control and vulnerable.

It is important to note that abuse alone is not sufficient to create
psychological disorders. Abuse can be a very strong factor contributing
to their development, however. Developing a psychological disorder,
such as depression, does not mean that you were necessarily abused, and
being abused does not mean you will develop depression. Abuse is a
sufficient cause for depression; however, there are many other reasons
why someone might become depressed.

Posttrauma Responding

Though it is an oversimplified and perhaps even overreaching suggestion to make, it maybe easiest to think of the cluster of problems that are typically observed in the wake of abuse as all various forms of a sort of posttrauma condition, where the trauma experienced is abuse. Posttrauma conditions such as PTSD occur in the aftermath of a significant trauma (where trauma is defined as exposure to some event that involves the threat or reality of death (either one's own or another's)). Not all abuse situations get this scary, but many are disturbing enough in one fashion or another to make a lasting impact on a person's mind. When posttrauma illnesses occur they are characterized by the presence of three classes of symptoms. First, the posttrauma victims typically experience vivid, unwanted and highly intrusive memories of their traumatic events. Intrusive recollections may occur during waking hours or during sleep (often in the form of vivid and repetitive nightmares re-enacting the trauma). Second, posttrauma victims make efforts to avoid exposing themselves to anything that might remind them of their trauma. Third, posttrauma victims become very anxious and jumpy after their trauma. As should be clear from thoughtful contemplation of these symptoms, PTSD can be a very debilitating condition.

Posttrauma victim's attempts at avoidance of trauma-related things can push them towards impulsive actions that less frantic people would avoid. PTSD victims commonly abuse drugs, for instance, and this drug use is thought to begin as a means of coping with trauma. Similarly, depression and sexual acting out can be thought of as attempts to cope, however, dysfunctionally. Depression functions to blunt emotional responding, and promiscuity to give into it wholly ("if I'm damaged goods I might as well act like it"). Similarly, multiple personality disorder and the other abuse-related personality disorders represent wide-scale alterations of victim's personalities that help them shield themselves from emotional pain.

Comments
  • Vicki Corum

    You and many others address the survivor's feelings and how to deal with them. My childhood has lead me to be diangosed with PTSD (verified by several therapists) and I have no emotional memories of any of the events that contributed to my suffering with PTSD. The memories I do have are like stories I read in a book. The numbness is like living in a void. It makes it difficult to sustain relationships of any kind and very difficult to confront my abuse and deal with it and get on with my life. I am 55 years old, the "stuff" in my life started when I was very, very young and I consider myself emotionally retarded (and this is not meant in a negative way...simply verbalization of a situation that has endured my entire life). I know that there has to be numerous people who are just like me living in a large black hole with some knowledge of how we got there but no idea how to get out. Threaten me with famine, fatigue and flatulence but do not suggest that I am going to feel sorrow or appropriate anger, or anything else....now that is abuse.

  • Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.

    The numbing you write about is as common response to trauma as is overwhelming, intrusive emotion. It is a means of coping with emotional overwhelm by shutting it down. In extreme cases it becomes what is known as dissociation. In milder cases it is called "depersonalization" or "derealization". When the emotions are stripped away from the memories, what is left feels like it was learned by watching a movie at least that is how thousands of people who have endured this sort of thing describe it, and you are confirming that for us now, I guess. Please see our documents on Dissociation, Grief and Bereavement and PTSD for more information.

  • Robert

    After reading what you said about abuse and depression, Is there an exception if the abuse is verbal/ emotional and lasts for 18 years. Surely there's a connection between verbal and emotional abuse and depression.

  • n.h.

    i am doing a report on abuse and this site helped me a lot so i just want to so thank you.

  • Anonymous-1

    I'm doing Health and Social Work and this Site helped me alot to work out information about Abuse Victims Thanks

  • person

    "It is important to note that abuse alone is not sufficient to create psychological disorders." As time goes by, the person who wrote this incorrect statement will, unfortunately, eat their words. Mental illness is often a reaction to childhood abuse and other later trauma. The pain you feel is not your fault, you beautiful child, you beautiful person. To whoever may have been hurt by the authors incorrect statements.

  • rose

    I find your site very interestilng however , seems for me that you forgotten another kind of abuse, the one , families of gablers suffer and how to deal with it specially when you have not choice?. If you can tell me anthing about it becouse I am going nuts, nobody can help me and i am feeling very disoriented, not working and depending of someone that doesn't work, and gambles that little bit we can get, what can i do ? rose

  • dave

    Hi many won't believe this story, but I am in a very abusive marriage where my wife totally belittles me, teases me, and keep putting me down even in front of others, and also is very cruel and always has to be right, never a epositive words from her, she goes after my parents as well who are in their 70s,and she cant see ahe is being abusive at all, I feel this has caused me to be very deprsssed,unworthy,and being come bitter,and I feel I lost some of my abilities to be happy and being me, and not feeling energetic ,and hurt where I dont care to have sex with my own wife cause I feel I have a mental blockage of her abuse to me, do u feel this abuse could cause severe harm to me in other ways?

  • Anonymous-2

    I'm not with her anymore.

    After a month or two of dating, she decided to dump me and tell me that we were on a "two week break". The next day, I had people telling me of sightings of her with someone. She rang me and I was just vague of my feelings. I didn't reveal anything.

    They had such a good time together at Alton Towers and stuff like that.

    Once he had gone off with a skinny lass, she got my friend to get me to see her and he said she had made a "mistake".

    We cuddled but anger started kicking in later that day because her own cousin and my house friend told me that she had a lad in her room that night she said about the business of two week break.

    I questioned her and she denied it. I shouted, "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!" and she admitted it but denied sleeping with him until three days later, which I consider to be cruel anyway seen as I loved her and she knew it.

    Once she admitted it, I said, "thank you for admitting that to me and I would like you to be honest with ME from now on". I found out that that lad went to the same school as me and lived round the corner from where I was brought up, which made my head worse.

    Her cousin kicked her out and I asked if she could move in with me but the landlord and all friends said no for obvious reasons. Because I loved her so much, I couldn't see her on the streets (I have been there) so I gave up my amazing life with my 15 musician friends all living together with me and we moved to my Dad's house.

    After ages of being happy, she conned me into having a baby. I was going against my own theories of a child being messed up if parents were to be separated but I didn't think she would do that seen as all her ex's had been bad to her (apparently) and because I had been very kind to her.

    She made friends with people that cheated on their partners (slept with three people in a week and bragging how she got away with it) and allowed this to happen in our house. I had my say in it obviously but it didn't ever count.

    She dumped me for the second time telling me that her heart didn't desire me anymore and she didn't love me. Two days later, I was in hospital with Gastroenteritus because high stress levels caused acid to be in my stomach and leaked into the cuts in my stomach.

    She visited for a poxy two minutes and I told her I love her and she was very nasty with her attitude and the look on her face. I nearly cried and she laughed at me. I got a bit of anger and asked, "WHAT'S so funny?" and she replied, "You're making me laugh". She then made an excuse to leave and left me while I was in an emotional state.

    I was in hospital for about three weeks and I was determined to win her back and be a family unit again. I phoned up while in hospital and she was nasty and shouted, "I'M TRYING TO ENJOY MYSELF". Once her dodgy friends fell out with her (including a friend that whacked me round the back of the head when I wasn't looking), she come back to me and I unofficially moved in. I was happy for about thirty minutes but I had so much anger and pain to try not to show. We were together alone for six months because she had no friends so I didn't think that it was right to let her be by herself so I never saw anyone. She made friends with the family where one hit me and I decided to take some time out. I spent three days with friends and four days with her. Then the second week of having time out, the day I was supposed to go home, the bus didn't turn up. I was learning love songs on the guitar to play to her when I would be with her but when I phoned up, she dumped me over the phone without even talking. That's when I knew I never wanted to be with her ever again.

    She stole most of my clothes (found out when it was too late she did it to her previous ex). Her friend tried to really beat me up... she is massive and ran towards me like a psycho with her fist clenched and grunt on her mouth. I stepped outside.

    Now she won't let me see my son at all because I am supposed to be violent. I did threaten to slap her once because she messed my head and emotions up that much but I regret it. I never hit her though. I told my psychiatrist the same so it's no secret. Think what you want.

    She got engaged three weeks after dumping me. I found out today that my son has a pot on his arm because it's fractured. She claims he did it all by himself by struggling in the pram. Of course, I know different seen as he was happy and playful and she decided to pick him up, slam him down on the settee, put her face close to his and shouted, "SHUT UP!!!". He wasn't even one years old. He cried a lot. Also, she was on the phone to me when we were still together saying she doesn't know if she trusts herself not to hurt him because "everyone is capable of everything", which I disagreed with and said, "only sick and twisted people do things like kill their babies". She won't let me see him STILL after finding out he has a pot on his arm because, "I have mental health problems and I am violent". I haven't been violent but it surprises me that I haven't been towards HER.

    Is that classed as an abusive relationship? I'll never go through any of that ever again no matter how much I love them.

  • heather

    I am currently in a mentally abusive marriage. I hurt everyday of my life. I have 2 daughters whom I love with all my heart and soul but this pain is too much! I have been with my husband for 17 years and 10 of them we have been married. I don't know what to do or where to turn. the abuse shelters here and the police in my area say they cannot do anything for me since he hasn't given me injuries making me have to be hospitalized. He has grabbed me by my hair and yanked my head back so hard I could not move my neck without pain for 2 weeks but nothing was done. He isn't always like this. I just figured out that I married a man who hates me just as much as I hate myself so it must be my fault!

  • Anonymous-3

    As a child growing up i remember my mom fighting with a woman outside our school, I remember mom throughing tea on me before going to school and having to stay in those clothes, i remeber the belt dad use to give me because i wouldn't cry when he hit me,

    My god i couldn't wait to get my own place, as soon as i was 16, my name went on the waiting list at our local council. when i reached the age of 18 i got my 1st flat, i had a good friends went out clubbing had a great couple of years, then i met my husband, i married him when i was 22yrs old, we were both out of work, mom and dad didn't come to the weding, i didn't get a wedding present, things were ok between hubby and i until we talked about life growing up. My husband's childhood was real bad, he was mentaly abused from his mom and dad, his mom and dad devorced in 1979, and his mom became ill, she went into hospital and dad wasnt around so he went in a childrens home, when he was in there, he was sexualy abused off a man who worked there, puting that a side now, i myself while married to the husband recieved insults from my mom, i was belittled in front of people, i was ripped apart while other people were there, if i put weight on she would go on and on about it, makeing me feel small and unattractive, mom fell out with me over the years, i cried a million tears over mom, wondering why she did this to me, why she choose me to pick on, while she did this i wouldn't say a word in my defence.

    I have arguments sometimes with my husband and he name calls me, he calls me fat b,,,,,,, and says things like i hate you, he says these things because he wants me to feel bad, but the way he says them hurts me so much i cry myself to sleep. i use to cry in front of him but i refuse to do that now,,, it only makes him worse towards me. He is so loving towards me but when we talk in genral and i say something he dosen't believe then he always has to be the one who is right, and it ends up him shouting at me. the way he shouts at me, the hatred in his face scares me, i am always the one who has to make things better between us, i have no friends i can turn to, i have no family to talk to, i'm so alone so i put up with it because i don't want to live a lone, i am a person who needs company. my husband i feel is to intelegent compaired to me, he knows how to make things sound so good, i can't.

    i have had suisided thoughts over the years, the only thing is i have no courage to end my life, i mean what if i change my mind and im a lone and its to late.?

    I have with drawn into myself now, he calls me nasty things and i hold it in, i drink on avrage a bottle of wine every 3 days its like 8/9 glasses a week. i don't go out drinking. this helps me to relax although people say thats to much drink in 1 week, i know people who drink that in 1 night.

    the last time i got called a fat b was tonight, because i said i put the bin outside because theres marks on the kitchen door (last week i decorated the kitchen) we had a fight over it and i was called fat b fat c..t and i hate you. Does he realy hate me or is he saying it because he just wants to hurt me.

    i am not eating now,,,, its not like im huge anyhow,,, but i could do with loosing 2 stone. he has called me fat to many times now, so the fat has to go.

  • Marissa

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (I Corinthians 13:4-5)

    Does that statement above characterize the way your spouse loves you? What about the truthful statement below:

    Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ...Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church however, let each one of you love his wife as himself...

    If neither of those commands characterizes your spouse, then God intends for him or her to see that they are murdering your spirit one of God's clear commands is, "You shall not murder..." - that includes murdering your spouse's spirit. This is the catch: A person cannot be made to see unless they see the drastic consequences of their actions. Sometimes this involves you separating yourself from them until they make a heart decision to aggressively seek help for themselves, and show that they have changed in their heart, mind and actions (NOT just remorseful "I'm sorry" words and make-up flowers).

    God didn't put us on this earth without inner resources to protect ourselves - his goal is always to point people to His truth and law - but far too often we keep ourselves in the way of letting Him accomplish this. Because He loves us, He will not allow abuse (which is a sin) to go unpunished but because He also loves the sinner (but HATES the sin), He wants to save the sinner if they will allow it.

    God says to us "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." He does not approve of harm, so get out of harm's way! This includes emotional, verbal or physical harm - these all kill your spirit much quicker than you're able to see. The longer you wait, the more beat up inside you will be, and the more time it will take to heal the years of damage, which will prevent you from having the strong, joyful relationships that God still intends for you.

    If your relationship is damaging you, than tough love says that for both of your sakes you must do the responsible thing and remove yourself to give you both an opportunity to see the damage clearly and to get help and healing. Love seeks out what is best for the other, and it is not in the best interests of an abusing spouse to stay an abuser it is not in your best interest to let yourself be spiritually wounded - that's equivalent to suicide, and suicide is equivalent to letting your own child be murdered. You wouldn't let your child be murdered, and God says that as His creation, we cannot let ourselves be murdered.

    God loves you, He created you for a purpose, and abuse is not it.

  • Anonymous-4

    We learn about so we know what to do if you are getting abused or if you know someone who is getting abused... SO LET'S HELP!!!!!

  • Anonymous-5

    How many of you have worked in a abusive workplace? Boss belittles you. Fires people for no reason. Its a control thing. Many times I feel these people have no power at home. They only have power at work, and can't seem to control themselves. People like this ruin peoples lives and seem to enjoy it.

  • MARIA

    I WAS ABUSED FOR A VERY LONG TIME FROM FAMILY AND IN MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. I THOUGHT I DESERVED THE ABUSE. I HAVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR 2 YEARS NOW AND UNDERSTAND THAT THE ABUSERS ARE THE PEOPLE WITH THE PROBLEMS. I HAVE WORKED HARD TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF FOR I WAS SEXUALLY,VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED. YOU CAN RECOVER !!!!!

  • TeeTee

    Hi there. My friend needs help. She has gone alot in her early years already. She is 15 years old, and has a eating disorder. She has told me that her dad had abused her since she was 2 tell 5th grade and got raped. She also had told me that she wanted to kill her self before. and i do not no what to do right now. I have been thinking the same things such as starving myself but then i do not want to. anyone help?

  • kayla

    i was with a man that was physically abused and negleted by his mother at an early age. I went into the relationship knowing all of this. The first year everything was fine. He had some anger problems that i noticed but he never laid a hand on me and could never imagine him doing that. One night he slapped me. i didnt know what to do i just looked at him in amazement and called up his family to come get him, i did not want to be around him. a nother year went by and he never laid a hand on me again, but when we would get in fights he would scream at me, call me names, and throw stuff at me. well some stuff had went on with us and we had broken up a few times and the last time we got back together something horrible happend, something i never thought would happen to me. We were at a bar having a few drinks and then decided to go to a friends. when we were on our way home we found a dog and decided to pick it up. All of a sudden he freaked out saying we didnt need a dog and threw it out. i got very upset and told him to get the dog. he then replied "me or the dog" and threw the dog in my car and jumped out. i drove off and then turend around to come get him. when i picked him up he was in a rage he punched my car and when he got in the car he grabbed me by the neck and threw me in the other seat slamming my head against the dashboard. He drove home in the rage and then grabbed me by my hair and started beating the living crap out of me in the house. He kept telling me he was going to kill the dog and he wanted me to watch. He threw me accross the house and kept slamming my head into the wall and chocking me and so on. He then got a knife and held it to his heart and told me to kill him. i would go on but i think you guys get it. after all that we broke up cus i knew i had to get out. i cant talk about this anymore it really upsets me, but i just want you all to know i understand.. and you can get out god bless

  • Misty

    I guess you always want to think that they will change. You Make up excuses to yourself. you think it will get better, it never does. Then one day you wake up and wonder when things got so bad. You manage to pill yourself up enough so that you black out and don't have to feel what he is doing to you. Then one day the pills and booze isn't enough...what do you do. You tell your children that you are going to leave him and he finds out. then you are in court when he tells them you are addicted to pain med and you loose your kids and then you have nothing left..with time the outer bruises heal and with more I guess the inner ones do as well. Reach out! GET HELP! I wish someone had helped me. I didn't know how to speak up and now it's that empty hole. I feel dead inside. I love my children and miss them desperately. He beats me for 3 years...and he has my kids why. I haven't had a drink or pill for a long time and I'm starting to rebuild my life. BUT WHERE IS THE JUSTICE!!! I wish I could get more help now. Don't know where to turn..........

  • Natalie

    About 11 years ago, I started dating one of my friends. We had been close friends for about 3 years. 6 months after we started dating, I moved in with him. The reason was because my dad got re-married, and his wife told me to move out. I was 17. So, I took refuge in the home with this guy (my boyfriend) and his family. At first, things were okay. One day, he came into our bedroom and installed a deadbolt. That night he started slapping me around. Him being three times my size, I felt helpless. It got worse from there. To make a long story short, he had put bars on the bedroom window, locked me into the room and beat me when he felt 'I needed it'. The whole time, his mother, told me that had I not been a 'whore' he would not have started beating me. He was the second boyfriend I had ever had. She basically condoned his behavior. Offering me no help, no consolment and no reprecussions for him. He held me hostage for 11 months. Beating me everyday. Punching me where bruises would not show, in case he allowed me to see my sisters. He did not allow me to use the bathroom, unless he sat in there with me. Pouring scolding water on me if I took too long. He threw away all of my 'whore clothes'. making me where mens clothing that fit him. (I was a size 9, he was 250 lbs.) I was not allowed to have shoelaces. He would force feed me until I vomitted, the whole time telling me, 'Fat girls can't be whores'.

    After 11 months, he let me go next door to his mother's apartment to watch TV with her. He came into the room in his daily rage, and drug me through the back door, and took me into our room. He slammed me into the door way, punched me in the ear until it bled. Somehow he broke the door jam, locking the door was not an option. (Thank God)

    It was at this moment, at the corner of our street, there was a car accident. He told me, (I will never forget these words) "This isn't over! I'm going to look at the accident and when I get back, I am going to 'finish this'!"

    It was then that I waited until I knew he was in the front, I ran out the back door. Passing the dog he had beaten with my clothes, teaching the dog to dislike me and want to eat me! I junped over a fence, through a field and across the street. I was dripping blood from my ear, my lips were both busted open, my hair looked like it had been ripped out and replaced with glue. I ran pass the 15-20 Police officers, who did NOTHING to try to help me. I ran two city blocks to the nearest payphone! I had no money so I went into the store and asked the clerk if I could use his phone. He saw all the blood and knew who I was. He said to me,' no, take your problems somewhere else!'

    By this time, he had seen me running down the street. He was chasing me. Outside there were 3 BIG GUYS. They asked me if I was okay. I told them what had happened. By this time, he was coming up to the store yelling that he is going to make me pay for this!

    The guys gave me all the change in their pockets so I could use the payphone to call somebody. They held him back so that I could call. Eventually, he came up to me, grabbed the receiver and as I covered the 'hang up' lever, he smashed my fingers.

    I was able to leave him that day. I left him with NOTHING. I had no bra, no underwear, no shoelaces. Just the size 2X clothes he dressed me in.

    Had there not been an accident at the corner, I may not be here now.

    I had enrolled in Job Corps, graduated with double honors, went to college, and bettered myself.

    I saw him about 2 1/2 years later walking down the street in the middle of the night. I was coming home from a party. In my new car, that I had purchased. I saw him and turned around. Stopped in the middle of the street. I yelled his name- he said 'Who is that?' I told him who it was, " It's me, Natalie- The one you tried to break! Well look at me now you piece of Sh*t! You didn't break me! I broke you! You made me BETTER!"

    That was the last time I ever saw him!

    Thank You God!

  • eric

    i can't agree more with all your comments. i came here all alone. entered all alone and jonerneyed with an abused woman. she claimed her cousins and uncles raped her when she was young.when i met her i had my own history. but at no time did i seek the same from her in the end all that were around me were evil. i shall write more. my daughter has fallen victim to the same. God forbid.

  • Calyn

    I think that those could be some effects of abuse. I have encountered some of those efffects.

    by the way im doing a report on this.

    XD thanks for the help

    Calyn.

  • Kaitlin

    I too decided to do a paper on abuse. I decided this last night when my parents both began to verbally and emotionally abuse me because I didn't wash ONE dish. My parents rarely hit me, but sometimes I think their words are even worse. I am verbally abused every single day of my life. I don't remember the last time I went a full day without being put down or without witnessing a fight within my family. I suffer from depression, my emotions often seem out-of-control, and I have very low self-esteem. I'm scared of what is happening to me and I'm not sure what to do. I'm terrified that I'm going to end up like them and I want help, but I don't know what to do. I have no money, no car, and nowhere to go.

  • Susan

    I grew up with a verbally abusive mother and a physically abusive father. back then these things weren't as recognized as they are now. If so, my parents would have been in big trouble for the things they did to me. I now recognize the long term effects their behaviour had on me.

    Now I am married to abusive man #3. First husband was emotionally and verbally abusive. He was very manipulative. Husband #2, big weirdo, verbally, and physically and emotionally abusive. Now #3, he's the biggest mouth of them all. he is so verbally abusive and mean that I can't take it. I think he has some serious mental probs because he doesn't remember saying things. He has no control over his outbursts. I can't stand it tho. I am tired of being attracted to mentally ill men. I guess I miss childhood or something. I am smarter than this and I keep going through it. Idon't think I will ever have it right.

    After three husbands, I think the first one was the most tolerable.

  • rich

    My wife is a victum of abuse, she surely has PTSD and other disorders. She was having difficultise at her job and she was very afreied she would be fired. I would not agree to sell the home that day,so she had me arrested for abuse. I was removed from the home, charge and conviced with out any evidence what so ever. She had her minister come into court and lie, say I had called and claimed I was going to kill myself and her. That was in June, I am now living in someones spare bedroom that is about the size of a closet . My lawyer called today and said my wife wants me to remove the plants in my nursery that is at my home, there are hundreds of trees and plants and I have only four hours to do it. After next Monday she will have have them destroyed thousands of dollas distroyed. I still love my wife, but she is so sick, she has turned on me like a rabit dog. I am having panic attacks over and over again tonight, this is because I know she is hell bend on selling our house. I also know she will sell it for only what is owed on it and I will surly be homeless the rest of my short life. I have always tried to be loving and I was, but this is the results of the abuse she received as a young woman and a child. I am retired with a very small pension and cannot just move on because there is no where to move to. Maybe God will take me back home soon, I can not stay here like this. I do honestly wish i caould die, this is just too had to deal with any more. I had a lot to offer but she could not receive it, she can only see bad, she can not see any good in any thing and that includes me.

  • Jalissia

    Well i've been in a abusive relationship. It was very hard to deal with. My old boyfriend, the abuser, was very sweet at first but his sweetness became sour when he started to act very jealous and possessive. I could hang with any other people but him. If i was asked to do something i had to do it then an there. I hated being around him with the feeling that i wasn't good enough. At times when i tried not to upset him it didn't do any good, that is when he became physical. For a couple of months i thought he would be the man i met an end the madness. That time never came so i had to leave him. To this day i have a hard time being in relationships but i'm trying so hard to forget an move on with my life.

  • Anonymous-6

    My father is crazy always out of control. As a child he beat me and now he verbally abuses me every day. I am struggling to cope and I think I am depressed i hate living there but i have nowhere to go and noone to talk to.I'm really scared and i don't no wat to do

  • Anonymous-7

    I have been in an abusive relationship for close to ten years . It was so crazy because I thought because Im pretty intelligent and kind and considerate of my husband and his family that he and my inlaws would be the same way towards me . Looking back I realize that was just plain irrational thinking. I decided to stand up to my Husband and his family members only to find that my Husband and his family members are miserable cowards.They ran like the chickens and put other people up to face me.Im praying for myself and others who are victims and also the abusers.

  • Anonymous-8

    I'm not abused myself but i have witnessed it in my life. There is help and for those people who are abused don't be afraid to ask for it. There is at least one person out in this huge world that will help you.. I wish the best for you.

    God Bless,

    Alyssa

  • dina

    This is not a comment, I am asking this question about mental abuse from a victim being mentally abused by husband, then in return does that abused victim -- victimized other family members

    My daugther has been married twice, but still is in a mental abusive realationship again. Every time she manipulates me into help paying for her bills and than afterwards she turns again me and treats me like I am nothing and treats her abuser like he is gold. She starts acting like I have done something to her to were as everytime I visit her house later on she calls me stating wild things as to take her hair shampoo to other hurting things against me. I have also seen my grandson act diffently to towards me at times even through I don't see him that much.

    Both my daughter and my grandson whole personality changes, like HYdy and Jeckle. I this her being mentally abusive to me. Because of him.

    I would like some comments on this I cant take this to much longer it very hurtful to me.

    Dina

  • abuse victim

    i have recently separated from and divorced my abusive husband of 4 &1/2 years. we were married just over a year when i walked away. we shared no children, thank god. however, i had re-established an relationship with the father of my children. during this time my estranged husband has threatened me, stalked all of us, attempted to get a restraining order on me, called my home at all hours of the night, made false accusations to my boss, cursed me out at my work, uninvitedly visited my home, sliced my tires, threw nails into my driveway, reported us to social services under alleged substance abuse. throughout all of this my childrens father stood strongly by my side, but i was unable to relax and give him what he needed. he walked away from us on friday? could my neglect toward him be a symptom or disorder resulting from the mental anguish from my estranged husband?

  • Carla

    I ended a three and half year relationship after being on my own for many years. I am 41 and never married but I have had a long term relationship prior to the ending of this one. This man worked his way into my life by stalking me, using belittling threats, tried to drive me over, got into all my business using his money and power because I had very little money. Promised me this and that if I could help him he would, help me out. I have a back ground in recovery and health. But all my knowledge just made this man even more, and more obsessive by usine power and control. Everyday I have to look over my back, he parks and shines his truck lights on my apartment, I have left my province for six months he found me, been to abuse groups, his personality is so good for others and I AM NOW FINALLY REVEALLING HIM MORE AND MORE BUT OTHERS KNOW HE IS SICK BUT HIS GRIP OF OBESSION WILL NOT LET GO. I am very tired and I am going to counselling for support but he will call anyone acting like he is concerned and only harrass me after with more threats and stalking. He changed banks to go where I go, doctors to go to the doctors I go to, support networks he will get involved, family especially my mother, he loves low income women, or sinlge women, with kids or no kids. He is 50 years old and has kids all over and the worst thing he works as a tow company for the police in the city I am in. He has had others call threaten my life my truck he wants it not for money just to take this away.

  • Chris

    I haven't met anyone, yet, that has been through what I've been through. And one day when I do get to meet them face to face I will give them the biggest hug ever. Some of the postings here are similar to what I've been through. So I'm giving my hugs to everyone that has posted.

    Know this....your still alive and still breathing so keep fighting the good fight - to live and survive. And know Go- & Jesus Christ are always with you, helping you every step of the way...and I mean it.

    When I was 6 years old my mother left me with my abusive and violent dad. He molested me till I was about 7. I ran away to my mothers, who lived with a man down the street. There was a lot of violence. Cops and ambulances would come to this quiet rural area all the time. At the age of nine I was kindnapped from my public school, and sent to a foster home not being able to say good by or see my mother for the longest time. I didnt' eat and I all I had to hug was a teady bear that had a heart that ran on batteries.

    My biological family, didn't take my side on anything my dad did to me, however my step-dad and his family were on my side and were the ones to get me out of a phoster home a little over two years later.

    It was hard, but it wasnt' over. A few weeks later I was transferred to another foster home with a good couple. It was the only positive atmosphere I had ever lived in. I only stayed there for two years. And when I was 11 years old my mother and step dad won custody. I lived with them on and off. My step dad was this "genius" inventor as his family would call him, but to me he was ruthless. I suffered a lot of sexual hurrassment, isolation, neglect, and abuse.

    I ran away often, lived with my friends when I was a teenager. My step dad who abused alchol and cannibas was far from being a good parent role model or a hero for that matter. It was in all a very dysfunctional home.

    I decided when I was 18, after I was converted into Christianity. I was going to go to college and get away from the bad friends I made and the dysfunctional family. I ended up getting married at the age of 19 and have been married for 11 years and have two kids.

    And even though I've been married for that long my dysfunctional family has seem to come into my life during my 11 years of marriage and it has ruined some it but it is not all to blame. My spouse never understood where I came from, so therefore I came up with this conclusion. Nobody will understand what you've been through it is not the process that anybody cares about but it's the remaining product. It's who you become out of the whole terrible experience.

    It's a painful truth to reality, how cruel people may think. They will never understand your pain, and even though people may take away something from you. There's one thing they can't take away is God's love for you. He gives us things we can not see and counsel's us when we are not noticing. He's the one to help you and put you on track when you've fallen off. Scripture says "your humanly father raised you as best they could" and also it says "everyone who ask and it will be given, everyone who searches will find, and everyone who knocks the door will be open.

    When I was nine and before I was sent to a foster home Department of Children Services made me visit my dad unsupervised on the weekend. There was a church accross the street and I woudl go to it on Sunday all by myself. I knew there was somethign wrong with my dad. And now I find myself thinking Well why couldn't he do this? And why did he think like this? Why couldn't he love me in a healthy way like the way I love my children in a healthy way? And now I know why and have been knowing for along time he didn't accept God and the good things he had to say that would have helped him.

  • Chris

    I haven't met anyone, yet, that has been through what I've been through. And one day when I do get to meet them face to face I will give them the biggest hug ever. Some of the postings here are similar to what I've been through. So I'm giving my hugs to everyone that has posted.

    Know this....your still alive and still breathing so keep fighting the good fight - to live and survive. And know Go- & Jesus Christ are always with you, helping you every step of the way...and I mean it.

    When I was 6 years old my mother left me with my abusive and violent dad. He molested me till I was about 7. I ran away to my mothers, who lived with a man down the street. There was a lot of violence. Cops and ambulances would come to this quiet rural area all the time. At the age of nine I was kindnapped from my public school, and sent to a foster home not being able to say good by or see my mother for the longest time. I didnt' eat and I all I had to hug was a teady bear that had a heart that ran on batteries.

    My biological family, didn't take my side on anything my dad did to me, however my step-dad and his family were on my side and were the ones to get me out of a phoster home a little over two years later.

    It was hard, but it wasnt' over. A few weeks later I was transferred to another foster home with a good couple. It was the only positive atmosphere I had ever lived in. I only stayed there for two years. And when I was 11 years old my mother and step dad won custody. I lived with them on and off. My step dad was this "genius" inventor as his family would call him, but to me he was ruthless. I suffered a lot of sexual hurrassment, isolation, neglect, and abuse.

    I ran away often, lived with my friends when I was a teenager. My step dad who abused alchol and cannibas was far from being a good parent role model or a hero for that matter. It was in all a very dysfunctional home.

    I decided when I was 18, after I was converted into Christianity. I was going to go to college and get away from the bad friends I made and the dysfunctional family. I ended up getting married at the age of 19 and have been married for 11 years and have two kids.

    And even though I've been married for that long my dysfunctional family has seem to come into my life during my 11 years of marriage and it has ruined some it but it is not all to blame. My spouse never understood where I came from, so therefore I came up with this conclusion. Nobody will understand what you've been through it is not the process that anybody cares about but it's the remaining product. It's who you become out of the whole terrible experience.

    It's a painful truth to reality, how cruel people may think. They will never understand your pain, and even though people may take away something from you. There's one thing they can't take away is God's love for you. He gives us things we can not see and counsel's us when we are not noticing. He's the one to help you and put you on track when you've fallen off. Scripture says "your humanly father raised you as best they could" and also it says "everyone who ask and it will be given, everyone who searches will find, and everyone who knocks the door will be open.

    When I was nine and before I was sent to a foster home Department of Children Services made me visit my dad unsupervised on the weekend. There was a church accross the street and I woudl go to it on Sunday all by myself. I knew there was somethign wrong with my dad. And now I find myself thinking Well why couldn't he do this? And why did he think like this? Why couldn't he love me in a healthy way like the way I love my children in a healthy way? And now I know why and have been knowing for along time he didn't accept God and the good things he had to say that would have helped him.

  • Anonymous-9

    Hi everyone, I just wanted to assert that if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. I finally had the guts (and the moral support) to divorce him. Along with the divorce document, I filed a petition for a restraining order, and it got approved! That got him out of the house. I would highly recommend it to anyone living in fear of their partner. I am slowly piecing my life back together, and taking care of the kids all on my own (the guy has really proven himself to be a deadbeat). Get out of the relationship while you still have time, before you find yourself old, worn-out, and miserable. I decided to reclaim my youth and my life. I decided I had suffered enough. You can make that decision, too. You deserve to be happy.

  • Anonymous-10

    when i was abou 11 years old i went out with a friend(Ben) on his quad bike, there was anuva boy over there too which was about 15-16 years old at the time, and ben was talking to him so i went over and the boy was just staring at me and smiling, and he sed cud i have a go of your quad but ben sed no, so i got on the quad ready to give ben backy,and the boy jumped on the back and steered from sitting behind. then he told me i had to steer the quad OR ELSE!! it was real scary! so i done what i was told, and he put his hands down my troused and down my underwear,i was shouting at him to stop BUT he wouldnt, at that time i was crying, then he stopped the quad when we was out of sight and told me to get off, and he forced my hands down his trousers to feel his penis, it was horrible thing to go through.and when i got the chance i jumped on the quad and drove off as quick as i cud and got ben and told him to get me home. i am now 15 years old and i still have told anyone, and now its starting to realy affect me, its leading to eating disorders and self concious, i hate my body, and i blame myself for what had happend, im too afraid to tell anyonee or get help as i think its too late to tell anyone, but im on my way to turning anarexic and my parents are realy worried about me but i wount listen to them. DOES anybody think its still too late to get it sorted?? its in my mind every single day, and im starting to enjoy starving myself which i presume isnt a good sign. could sombody give me some adivce pleasee ??? x

  • Jayen

    I don't know if you'll see this, but first let me say that I am so sorry about what you went through. Second, you need to tell your parents about what happened. As much as it might make you uncomfortable, you need to tell them. If you really don't trust them enough, you need to tell an adult you do trust. I don't know that charges can be brought up against this person because it happened years ago and you don't really have any solid evidence that that happened, but you need to tell someone so that you can help yourself.

    It's common for people who've been sexually abused to blame themselves. I did the same thing to myself for years until I realized I did nothing to deserve what happened to me-I was just a child. You are not to blame for what happened to you.

    You seriously need to tell someone so that you can maybe enter therapy and talk about what happened and try to heal from it. Trust me-you don't want to wait until you're a lot older to do it.

  • Mandi

    Ok so here I am at twenty five finally trying to get myself and my life on track... I've been through alot and still going through alot and feel like i'm all alone. At age of seven i put my step father in prison for sexually abusing me and his two neices.. mom didn't and still don't belive me she didn't want to because his family had money.... during that time and up until i was 12 or 13 my half brother sexually molested me... i didn't deal with my brother or step dad then because it was killing my father because he blams himself-- not his fault he work twelve to fourteen hours a day to be a single father and he was a great one wouldn't trade him for the world-- but it still kills him to know what his only son did to his youngest daughter but he is standing behind me now so i can deal with this and move on... I don't know where to start when it comes to dealing with it-- don't know how and scared out of my mind because i'm doing this on my own. I jsut walked out of a five year long engagement becaues i got tired of being a 32yr olds mom and tired of everytime we fight i got told how mental messed up i am and that i need help.... when i ended it with him he threw my brother up in my face--- looked at the male friend i had standing by me and asked him if i told them that i slept with my brother for years... now he wants to fix our relationship-- how can i ever get over him daying that. I'm single for the first time since i was sixteen don't know where to start my life i have a good job but thats it i need to put the past behind me figure out what i'm doing with the exfiance and start on school or something but don't know what to do or where to start so i figured i would see if someone had any suggestions....

  • Kaitlin

    I left a message on October 20 of last year. I have been abused my whole life. My father is an alcoholic and a drug abuser. He is suicidal and controlling as well as very abusive (more so verbally than physically). When he speaks, it's always something negative. Over the years he's made it clear that having children was the worst thing that's ever happened to him. And although I've yet to see my mother drunk, she is just as abusive as my father. To my mother I've been a "worthless little cunt" for as long as I can remember. As I said earlier, when I lived at home I was put down and abused every day of my life. (Things weren't all bad. I know my parents love me. I've been able to make my mother proud and she can be a caring and loving mother. They're both good people deep down. I don't think either even knows how cruel, hurtful, and emotionally traumatizing they really are.)

    Just this August I left for college. Leaving was by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm having trouble making friends and I get pretty lonely, yet I've never been happier. A lot of people feel that they'd rather be in an abusive household/relationship than be alone. However, my experience has taught me that nothing is worse than being abused. I never want to go back home. It's impossible to be happy in an abusive relationship. I'm so thankful that I've been given the chance to be happy. I just hope that the damage that has been done to me isn't permanent. I'm still terrified that I'm going to be a bad wife and mother, but now I at least feel as though I have a chance.

  • Dylan 15 OH

    i moved into the country from the city when i was 3 yrs old and i always played wit my new friend Jordan who was my neighbor and he had an older brother who was 12 at da time. Later his older brother actually sexually violated me and abused me i.e. he turned me over and spanked me repeatedly and other stuff, but one day he did threaten to kill my mom, dad, and sis. So i cried really hard and reported to my mom and she called the police and they arrested him for abusing me, but mostly threatening to kill my family. My mom managed to get a restraining order against him and it was passed and so he wasnt allowed to live next door to me. Then when i was 5-10 years old i was mentally abused by the whole grade and other grades and especially psyically abused by boys at my school. They would pick on me because i was the weird and naive kid who was oblivious to anything that comes at me. I would fight back by beating up the kid or kids who picked on me then they would come back with more people and harder beatings than i did to them. It eventually got to the point where they've attempted to kill me a couple of times and they would laugh out of amusement and the ultimate hatred against me i.e. one day at school the kids named joey, travis,brian, and casey decided to bring alot of the students to throw me over the fence of the school to the road right next to the school, but they noticed a man who would i would think in his early twenties all drunk because i remembered he was staggering with a big liquor bottle in his left hand and a hand gun in the other and the kids were hoping i would get shot and die in front of them or if i didnt anyways they did tell on the teachers lying that i tried to run away from school, but i ran back into the school and got suspended and i was mostly tramatized by that experience especially. I never had close friends and never will cause i wanted to be alone cause no one cares for me truly and no one i mean no one even my family doesnt understand how i live my life. Later in life when i was about 12-now my depression started kickin in and the doctors were my worst enemies cause the medication they've given me put me through another hell esp depakote, lamectol, and geodon. I just got over my withdrawal over geodon and i hallucinated before mutilated myself more, and cant hardly eat because whatever i put in my mouth i would automatically have a gag reflex and this was for food i used to love, and ultimately attempted suicide again i.e. hanging myself

    im doin better now but i still will never trust anyone, but i have advice for anyone who has abuse. (please dont whatever the situation never give up. cause im still here and ive survived from being killed and almost killing myself. Just give it time, try to stay positive, your life matters to you more than anything.) "Just remember that!" i wish everyone who suffers abuse will grow and be strong from it

    Best Wishes

  • Jessica

    There is no greater revenge than forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself and the perpertrator, it is the only way to see the light so you can find your way out.

  • jessica

    It has been 16 years since the inital abuse ceased, but somedays I still can not leave the house. Even though I have forgiven I cant forget the flashback, the night terrors, constant paranoia. I get so tired.

  • Casimir

    who warns us that the fields of psychiatry and psychotherapy have in their inceptions been polluted with religious pedagogy. The notion that a survivor must forgive inorder to heal is further purpetrating abuse by placing blame and sole responsibility, once again on the victim. Christianity, and all the monotheistic religions seem invested in children obeying and respecting their parents at all costs. The idea that we must forgive our purpertrators to heal has no scientific or medical merit. Anger must not be self directed, but placed on the individual(s) who violated oneself.

  • listener

    I would like to address the people who left comments about their abuse. I want you to know that I hear you. I want you all to know that your pain is acknowledged. Please do not blame yourself in any way. If you forgive your abuser, please do not blame yourself for the abuse. Forgiving someone only means that you are ready to start letting go of the grief and move on, rebuild your life. You have more strength and power than you may think. Although I don't know you personally, you are not alone. I hear you! And, I know I am not alone.

  • Anonymous-11

    I was 3 when me and my sister (4yrs) was playing with bricks in the front lounge when my uncle (16yrs) who was babysitting at the time took me and my sister upstairs and sexually abused me while making my sister watch. He then tormented me for hours by locking me in a cupboard until my mum came home from work.

    I am now 29 and have made so many mistakes (eating disorders, drugs, drink, sexually abusive relationships etc) and been a failure where I have had to move back home as I have nothing, the problem is my niece regulary comes round who is now 3, she is beautiful and precious and I really try to be the best aunty but my mum often corrects me that im doint things wrong and often talks about my sister not being a good parent and she is almost obsessed with her granddaughter but i want to scream at my mum, if you are so perfect why did this happen to me, why didnt you help me or let me find help.

    When i have tried to talk to her about it she says children make a lots of things up and how her abuse was so much worse and you just have to deal with it. This makes me feel worse on top of the pain I already feel. She has critised every relationship I have had so I left, she never came to visit when I did finally get my own place as I was making a point at leaving the family by moving far away, it was a 20 min car journey away, so I moved back home, she has pulled apart my jobs so i left them, i fell pregnant but he was the wrong man and that this family cant take anymore hurt from my sister being in her ordeal as a single mum, so I had a termination and now my cat is killing the family cat so I have to send him to a home. My Dad will have a go a me for the smallest things, if I give a justable reason he says im not taking responsibility as usual but I have done everything they have asked, i even do the house chores while my mum is in bed, I look after my niece all the time since she was newborn and I clean my sisters house. Im starting to feel so angry, I can not possibily give anymore. Every time I start to take a few steps we get into a conversation going over my past and how I have made mistakes and how this impacts the family. I am so alone I just really want to give one last thing, my life, I cant take anymore.

    Please help

  • jayne

    hi rose this is a response to your message [how do i let go]

    the same thing happened to me but it was when i was 4 . mom went to work and my cousin was baby sitting me the only diffrence is no-one was there . scince then i have been sexualy assulted so many times but i have overcome this by proving to people that i can make my life work. i am in a relationship but im only 18 yrs old.

    i hava son and my mom dont like my partner, she has called me names, critized me and called me a bad mother just because i dont breast feed him . im still going thru it now but my advice to you is dont let your mom get to you because you will b heading to depression . i reackon the biggest mistake you made was terminating the pregnancy , i know it hurts but you shuld have proved to your mother that you will not be a bad mother yourself thats what im doing.

    my mom now knows that i was hurt in the past and i had to go thru depression to prove it but i advise you not to do that . i know im younger that you but i know what your going thru. keep your head up and dont let people get the better of you ...

  • Liz

    I find the 15 second pop-ups with no corner X to close them terribly distracting. I am trying to research what I can do to help a sister who is in an abusive relationship, and with an 18 page article to read (which is very enlightening and potenially helpful), that's 4.5 additional minutes to read the entire article. Please reconsider how to manage your pop-ups! I'm only on page 7 and am ready to try to find something else.

  • zaina

    these all documents are very sad but one thing that i observe and feel is that always man is abuser, what they want? what are there motives? why they behave like animals? whene ever they get a chance they forget moralities even relations, i could not find ans. can any man can ans plz?

  • mae

    T H A N K Y O U S A L L S O M U C H

  • unknown

    a long time ago when i was a child, about 3 or 4, i remember me and my sister playing with our new neighbors. what had happened was the girl thats only a few years older that me took me in the garage and would touch me uncomfortably and make me do it to her. i was so young i don't even remember if it was real. it not just sounds like a dream but now i hate the girl so bad. i'm glad she moved away not too long ago i will say. but not far. then there was another time with someone my own age, i was maybe 7 i can't remember because i also don't know if this really happened or not, this other girl i thought was my friend tried to do the same thing when i was at her house and in her bathroom she walked in and wanted to touch me. i called my mom and left but never told her. my parents don't know about this and i don't dare tell them because i barely know myself if this was true or just a nightmare....

  • mookus

    im now 43 an still trying to cope with my abuse from my dad, getting thrown round from wall to wall when i was younger i was jus a 6 year old kid so helpless could nt defend my self i do think off ending my life but my kids r the only thing that keeps me from doing it , i dont think i can ever get over this trauma till he pays for what he has done to me. if i could get him charged with child abuse i think i would do it, if any one can give information would appreciate it thankyou.

  • lacey

    I was hit and hurt for five years by my babys dad. He wouldnt let me work. He beat me about every two weeks and he beat me when I got a job. Obviously, I couldnt go to work in that condition. He pointed a gun at me and shot it in the floor, and did several things that dont matter anymore. Im away from him and we are safe and we have no contact with him. I feel anger and I dont want to. Does anyone know how I can completly get rid of my anger. I feel that he has won as long as I am still angry with him. Im a great mom and we are happy. I just want to let what he did to me go and forget about it. How do I do it?

  • Anonymous-12

    yes, anger is a common feeling that we all have. sometimes its just more intense and for good reasons. However you are correct in saying that as long as you are angy you feel as if he won.

    you may or may not want to hear this but one little thing can do more than any man made drug to help you get over this anger. Forgiveness, its hard, its tuff and he don't deserve it but, as long as your mad and hurt, he has control over you which he wanted in the first place. Forgive...........great book titled "the bait of satan" by John bavier or however he spells his last name. Its a few dollars and I've seen it work with a lady who was really hurt by her ex. two weeks after reading this book there was a big difference in her and it showed. try it and see.

    Gods blessing and protection,

    Robert

  • Anonymous-13

    I'm 14. I have 3 dads. My 2nd stepdad used to hit me and my family. He doesn't do it as often but I'm still reminded occasionally... my story defently isn't as bad as almost all of yours but I am so traumatized. I can't tell very many people. And in second grade I was diagnosed with "atumism" but what the consulers didn't know is that I was deathly afraid of my dad. I still am sometimes. I don't know what to do...

  • art.

    I was Adopted with my other blood siblings. My biological family were alcoholics and neglected my siblings and I. After the first few years of being adopted, it started getting tough for my mom. She began cursing at us kids not knowing how else to cope with our behavioral problems. It all lead to severe emotional abuse. Just constant put downs. Calling us bastards, threatening to call cps to take us back wich was the worst thing she could have said to us mentally. She also began hitting us. Throwing glass plates and dishes at us when we up set her. Breaking brushes over my brothers head, holding knifes up acting as a threat but not to our necks. Since we were adopted we had severe problems already and she didnt understand how to help us. The effect of abuse lead older brother abusing me. Everyday when I got home in middle school. I would go watch tv and he would stand in front of me until a bursted with rage telling him to gett the hell out of his way, leading to "his excuse" to beat me until i was too numb to walk. Throwing me into walls, knocking me out, breaking my back, and part of my neck. This all made my current problems 100 tmes worse. My anxiety and agression problems grew day by day. Everytime I was around him I had panick attacks. From that part of my life on I began pulling out my hair, and having panick atttacks everytime I was nervous, or was aroudn violence. It caught on to me as well. The anger I had inside forced me to beat my sister for no reason. Also leading to raping my dog. It sounds like I'm some jeffery dahmer freak. But I'm not. I I cant explain it, but that was my reaction to being abused. I didn't even realize I was doign anything wrong until a year late. I took a step back and said, look what this abuse has done to me. I stopped with the dog thing but nothing else went away. I tried to stop hitting my sister but KNow on understands how abuse has ahold on you. You mentally cant control your anger. I'm a victim of abuse that got out of hand. I was 13 and going through puberty at the time and was unable to cope. I would go to school and act out being the class clown trying to cover up my anxiety and anger, wich lead to expulsion and mistreatment at school. The faculty believed I was just some bad kid doing drugs but I wasn't. They couldn't understand that I couldn't sit down at my house without being busted in the nose for no reason and on top of that my mother treating me like shit because she couldn't cope with my problems either. Then I would go to school and they treat me like shit because They dont know whats going on. They dont try too look for problems at home. They dont care. They get a pay check. They didn't seem to notice my backbrace I had on for 2 years, my gashes on my eyebrows, and the broken noses. They couldn't seem to put my behavior and my physical injuries together as well with my grades. I was always a tough kid. I never thought about suicide once through all those years, I had a strong mind with determination to become something in this world. It kept me away from drugs and suicide my whole life. If there is anyone else out there with a situation like mine, " develope a dream, or goal in life" and live for it. You would not believe how well it will get you through. When times were at their worst, I kept my dream as a succesful musician in my head, and I pulled through. Thats the only thing that will help. Cousing is for people with minor problems. I hae been in counseling since I was 4 and not one thing helped.

    Its been 4 years now since my last physical beating. I've been trying to change my habbits and agression from the abuse. I have all my grades up to all A's and B's. I havn't hit my sister in a couple years. I still have the habbit of acting out in class trying to cover up my problems but am able to control a bit of my anxiety. The hair pulling hasn't stopped and I still have panick attacks when I'm around violence or hear something violent. All these problems still 4 years later. People dont realize how affected others are from abuse. It turns you into a violent person. But luckily I am slowly gaining control. Pull through people. Have develope a goal in life and pull through. Get out of your houses, get friends, get to know them well and hang out with them. Get out of your house until your through with highschool. It will all be over soon. I will be graduation highschool in 2 more years, then I will be on my own.

  • Holly

    Hi Lacey, Heather, and everyone!

    I was molested and beaten as a child. Then I developed an eating disorder. It took me years to recover from it, as well as the abuse. I didn't think I'd ever tell anyone my story (I didn't want anyone to know).

    I'm a registered dietitian with a master's in counseling. Last year, I took a really good paying job as a nutrition director for a large facility, but then I felt a major calling to use what I know to help people.

    I gave up the job and the money, because I really feel it's my purpose in life to help others overcome eating disorders and abuse and start to feel worthy about themselves!!!!

    So I started a blog and a website offering free help. I don't have a lot on my blog yet, but I am getting there (I did my first post on abuse recently). Please check it out. I think it could really offer you some help in moving on and living your best life!

    My blog is: www.joy4bodyandsoul.blogspot.com

    and website is:

    www.eating-disorders-help-and-facts.com

    You have to copy and past the links. Best wishes to all of you!

  • Mildred C

    I really don't know what to say but is that i'm going through physical and sexual abuse and I have tried everything to get away from my abuser but he won't let me go. earlier he hit me in the head with his sneaker, he has been beating me durning sexually abusing me, he got in my face and told me that i'm not going no f***ing wear your my f***ing b****. then he pushed me into the room and forced me to give him oral sex squeezing my cheeks to make me open my mouth.

    I don't know what else to do I have went through the courts dealing with restraining orders and now i need to figure out how to set up the courts to have the kids to see him I don't want to ever show my face again. i'm at the point that I am so afraid of him and thats the way he wants it. how do I live my life without him being in it?

    thanks for reading everyone take care and God Bless

  • Anonymous-14

    I'm not really sure how well I can relate to anyone else who has been abused, but I was abused and neglected from ages three to six. My body had settled into the norm of having my birthparents neglecting my siblings and I, and I actually tried to take over what they weren't doing.

    I have four siblings under me (thankfully, they are all alive), and all of them were neglected like me. They didn't, of course, get the duct-tape treatment, but we were locked in the closet, not fed, and I never had new clothes. our birthparents never bothered to bathe us properly, and my youngest siblings were never held by them.

    We were taken by the state of Idaho and put into foster care, moved down to be with relatives, taken by our birth-father, then put back into foster care before our social worker had us permanently placed with relatives. I was officially adopted when I was twelve.

    it has now been eleven years. I still think of all the things I went through. I still have flashbacks, and some of the things that people do remind me of when I was small. I have gotten to the point that I want the constant reminders to end, but I know they won't. I am also at the point where I feel like I need to forgive those who hurt me. it's a big step to take in my life, but it will be a step that is well worth the pain and wait.

  • zuzu

    I was sexually abused by my brother at 8 years old. He thought he could practice on me so he could show off to his girlfriends. He told me he would kill me if I told anyone. My father was verbally and physically abusive and I gained alot of weight from insecurity as a kid. I was verbally abused throughout school because I was fat and didn't take care of myself.

    To this day I still have difficulties at times with relationships - especially friendships and have a tendency to build walls and shut out people.

    I love my kids and husband and do everything possible to be a good mother and wife. My brother since has died and I still cannot find justice in it.