Why Do People Abuse?

Understanding Abuse

People have difficulty understanding the motives of people who are involved in abuse. Why people choose to abuse other people is a common question. Why (adult) people who are being abused choose to stay in abusive relationships is another. Neither of these questions have easy answers and even the strongest attempt to educate yourself as to why people might make these seemingly irrational choices will not lead to complete understanding. Abuse situations must be lived in and experienced before their internal logic makes any sense. However, we can try to do our best to understand.

Why Do People Abuse?

The first question, "Why do people abuse other people?" has multiple answers. Some abusers learned to abuse from their parents. Their early history consisted of receiving abuse themselves and/or seeing others abused (one parent abusing the other or their sibling, etc.). As a consequence, abuse is the normal condition of life for these people. Such people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of "abuser" and "victim". They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience. The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive. Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser. As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the "abuser" side of the relationship dynamic they have learned. By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others. That they hurt others in the process may go unregistered or only occur as a dim part of their awareness.

Abusive behavior can also result from mental health issues or disorders. For example, someone with anger management issues, a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder, or a drinking or drug problem may easily get out of control during arguments (e.g., because there is something wrong with their ability to inhibit themselves at the brain level) and verbally or physically strike out at their partners and dependents.

Still other people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage, or because they were so abused themselves as children that their innate empathic abilities never developed properly. Such abusers cannot or will not relate to other people as people, choosing instead to treat them as objects. In effect, they confuse people for things. They treat people as though they were there solely for their convenience and do not otherwise have an independent, important life. Abusers who treat people in this manner are very likely psychologically ill, and possibly medically ill as well. They may have an antisocial (sociopathic, psychopathic) or narcissistic personality disorder, and they may have anger or impulse control issues and substance abuse issues on top of that! Such people may abuse because of the benefits they receive from doing so, for instance, sexual or financial gratification, or the simple allure of power over other people's lives. Think of any dictator that springs to mind and you will have the personification of this type of individual (Saddam Hussain seems to fit well and comes to mind easily). The character of Tony Soprano from HBO's television series, "The Sopranos" is also a good example of this type. What makes Tony's character so interesting to watch is that he is aware of his tendency towards narcissistic sociopathy and struggles against it at times with varying rates of success.

Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    People don't abuse out of anger. Abusers are no more angry than anybody else. They use that as an excuse. And this article appears to be helping them excuse their violent behavior. I'd edit this little ditty to make it a bit more responsible and mature.

  • SHINARVIA LOVEBERRY

    I BELIEVE THAT SOME ANGRY PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BULLY OTHERS AND GET A DEFINITE PLEASURE OUT OF SEEING OTHERS QUICKLY CONFORM TO THEIR WILL BECAUSE THE OTHER PERSON DOESN'T WANT TO DISPLEASE OR UPSET THEM THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT. THIS ARTICLE CERTAINLY EXPLAINS SOME ISSUES OF ANGER AND WILL HELP ME TO BETTER VIEW OTHERS ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOR. BUT IN ALL ESSENCE I BELIEVE MOST OF THOSE WHO USE THEIR ANGER AS A WEAPON SINCERELY HAVE NO REGARD FOR OTHER'S FEELINGS BECAUSE THEY FELT LIKE THEY ARE ALL THAT MATTERS. NO ONE ELSE MATTERS TO THEM.

  • Anonymous-2

    I agree with you about this article. I have heard so many excuses over the years from professionals in the field as to why my father was abusive, only to leave me still feeling the guilt, or feeling sorry for him that he may have been abused too. However, it is still wrong and this is the kind of person who never takes responsibility for their actions. It sounds like this article is saying, "I was abused so therefor I am not accountable for my actions". Wrong!

  • mary

    My abuser abused because he needed to control in order to feel good about himself. He would use any excuse to belittle me, hit me, grab me, push me, kick me. He then turns it around and tells me "your thought process is messed up", "oh yea abusive, with a smirk" as if to say I am crazy. His threats and antics went on for 6 years. I kicked him out, got a protection order. He doesn't like police so he now only VERBALLY abuses me whenever he can. I picked our son up and he was "poking my shoulder repeatedly because he didn't like me to say "SHIT" in front of "my boy". well he has no right touching or talking to me the way he continues to do. I had him arrested once and I will do it again. He can't stand the fact he can not control my house or my words anymore and he can't smack me. It is all control, he is sweet as pie to others so that tells me he CAN control his anger when he wants, I was just an easy target for him! THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!! NONE!! Lets not give them any more reasons for hurting us..

  • Hali

    If you read the other comments you'll remember that one that says that people use threats or somthing like that so the others will do stuff for them so they dont have to do it. I can admit that I do do that, but after reading that comment I realised that i did that but I'll tell you one thing it's a way of getting alot of guys off you so they don't sexualy harase you, also since i do that i have to admit i don't really lie to them to do what i want but i also don't make them do it. i'm getting so much better saying please and stuff like that. i'm just now getting used to saying i'm sorry but it'll take a while becase i can't even say i'm sorry to my own dad!

  • Rosalyn

    I think u are rigth people abuse because the ylearn it form anyone in their family

  • Anonymous-3

    I also agree...some ppl do grow up being the abuser..but then others they grow up to help stop the abuse that's going on...it's their choose...they just have to give it up to God and move on....and no way am i saying that its going to be easy...a ton of my freinds are trying to let go of they're abusive past...i am too but what has helped me is to give it to god..and then he'll deal with it...not you....you don't have to do it by ur self...and many ppl don't relize that....god is in control...but you don't have to grow up to be an abuser...u can't blame it on ur past because u had the choose to use what happend to you to share the word of God or to let satin contorl it and use it against you where u are stuck in the middle of sin and hard to get out...when ppl begin to Realize that God is in control they will find it easier for life to go on and to let what happened go and start a new chapter in their life...that's all ihave to say....

  • Anonymous-4

    On another note something that has not been touched here. Is it possible for someone to go through a "break" for example, a man looses his wife of 38 years. He is so distraugth he can barely get through the day. He is clearly no in his right mind by all definitions. Is it possible this person could abuse as he becomes close to another person. Maybe in some way this person has taken the place of the deceased wife and an unhealthy bond has developed. Now, in his sleep, dreaming of her can he unconsciously abuse this child. This man never denied that the abuse occured and this child has forgiven him openly...I am simply concerned if this can happen.

  • Damali

    While I agree that society tends to make excuses for abusers at times the truth is that a lot of them do learn the behavior and get caught up in a cycle of abuse. That is a reality we have to deal with. Maybe that is where we can hold ourselves accountable to our children, ensuring we don't raise them in a house where they are exposed to constant abuse. However, I also agree with what others of you have said, we all have choices, and so we cannot excuse abuse and abusers. With that realization to look at it then becomes absolutely necessary for people to seek help, to find ways to change their abusive behavior and that will mean people will have to face their reality and accept that something is wrong. That can be hard for people to face so again we all have the responsibility of not putting up with abuse, leaving abusive relationships and taking a stand for ourselves even if the abuser refuses to take a stand for themselves.

  • pl

    when some one abuses some one else to get attention from others?

    like some one has cancer gets all kinds of attention and then one day hes cured and gets none then gos around telling people the cancers back!

    this is called ? mothers have been known to hurt their children for this same reson

  • Anonymous-5

    When the mother does it: Manchaussen Syndrome By Proxy

    Other Possibilities: Pathological Liar (could be a symptom of an underlying disorder)

    Narcissism/sociopathy/pschopathy (antisocial disorder) Also can be Narcissistic Psychopathic Disorder (NPD). I've read in one site sociopaths don't usually want attention but narcissists do and have an inflated ego to feed. They abuse their victims and lie and try to make themselves seem like they are the ones being abused and not the victim or the victim made them do it.

    I've known someone act out a lot and got a lot of attention with Borderline Personality Disorder with Bipolar, ADHD, and symptoms of pathological lying, and nymphomania.

  • Anonymous-6

    my dad hits me most of the time when my dad gets really mad at me....or i reply him with an attitude...and im really scared for my life cause i know one of these days hes gonna get out of control and really hurt me like he has before...what do you think i should do??

  • Anonymous-7

    someone who abuses but was not a victim(I'm not sure), is not physically or mentally ill, and does not have any anger issues? And what about when he enjoys it?

    Editor's Note: That is called Sadism (if it has sexual overtones) or might describe antisocial or narcissistic personality disordered individuals (who don't feel guilty about harming other people).

  • Anonymous-8

    I had an ex b/f who all of a sudden started uttering degrating words to me when we would argue such as slut.. and whore..such words have never been uttered to me before by someone who i thought cared about me....I am confused becasue all of a sudden well he started takin and anti depressant and thats when he started to be more calice with me and eventually became physically abusive as well as emotional...eventually I had enought after he had slapped me and pushed me around..so i left and he uttered those terrible words mentioned above (whore, slut ect) I feel like the person that i was once falling in love with got lost some how...following my breakup with him ..he robbed my house...so i really am very confused to wherther if he is schizophrenic or something or some other mental illness due to the drastic changes.....

  • Barbara

    I am a survivor of domestic abuse. I was tortured, ridiculed, and beaten throughout my ten year marriage. My husband also suffered from alcoholism and that mixed with his temper was not a good match. I am tired of people making excuses for his unappriate behavior (ie. his father abused him, he's tired, he had a bad day, etc.) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES can any excuse make right beating someone else because he feels like taking out his aggression. I thank God I had the courage and support to walk away from this monster while I had my limbs still intact. I have been divorced ten years now and still feel the backlash of his abuse. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THESE MONSTERS AND HELP THE REAL VICTIMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous-9

    wen i was alot younger my parents used to fight nearly every night i used to either run away or threatin to kill my self i know that doing that is really stupid but at least it cort there attention......

  • zz

    my bother lives with my grandfather and he is a specal need child and my grandfather calls him rude names and hits him and all of that stuff and he is 16 years old and i dont no what to do about it if theres n e one who can help me pplez do so thanks so much

  • Amarnath Tennakoon

    I've seen this happening all the time, and you are not alone in this predicament,but with with a lot of patience and prayer we can help your brother so his pain wiill be eased and your grandfather to understand what he is doing may not be right, so we will pray for both, for understanding on both sides and eventully that your grandfathr will realise his mistakes and love your brother and for your brother to accept and forgive.

    I also suggest that you seek god in your problem and ask him for his guidance and patience, some how your prayers will be answered, I am giving you this hope. becasue I have witnessed great changes by prayer. Let me have a name and family structure to pray for you.

    Things will work out.

  • Anonymous-10

    I'm doing a report on abuse period and your site was very helpful thank you so much

  • Ben

    I just read your article and I can definitely relate. I just got out of a relationship where I was actually the abuser. I never physically assaulted her or anything, moreover, it was more mental and verbal. I have never been that type of person with anyone and it wasnt until I got on anti-depressants did I realize how abusive I had been. Of course, by that time she was ultimately done with the relationship and had moved on to date someone else. My mother had recently passed away and I had lost a lot in my life financially and physically. I constantly felt like the victim. So instead of realizing this pattern, I actually turned into an abuser instead. Had I realized this earlier in our relationship, we may still be together. However, that relationship is over and I must move on to try to be a better person again. Thank you again for the great article and insight.

  • unknown

    iunderstand were you are coming from i was too abuse by my own father who cared about know one but himself help me please

  • Jennifer Cannon

    It seems to me the article was accurate!!!! If I may point out to everyone, it does begin by stating that most who read this educational article will not gain a better knowledge or understanding of why people choose to abuse others. In my opinion most everyones comments gave truth to that assumption. It is to my knowledge and belief through personal experience as well as education that people who abuse, choose to abuse by a sense relative to instinct. There are factors which guide instinct. Such as stomaches growl to spark the instinct in us to eat. Well on the same note, there are factors which guide people into becoming abusive towards others. Most subconsciously abuse others as a result of suffering from their own childhood trauma effects of either witnessing abuse or being abused themselves. Some can be due to mental illnesses or lack of utilizing the skill of open-mindedness, which is also categorized as a learned behavior, even a few reasons would be undeterminable(scary!). In my opinion, being able to understand the factors which cause abusive behavoir patterns is what's key to diminishing abuse. I feel it's important to understand that the ones who are enlightened with the opportunity to examine themselves and judge themselves in the same way they judge others yet choose to ignore it, choose to deny it, or choose to ridicule it are the ones to worry about. They are the ones who are at risk for putting public safety in jeopardy over and over again displaying no regard for the destructive damage they've done or will do to people or environments(neighborhoods). On the other hand, the ones who aknowledge their pasts, their actions, their reactions, who educate themselves, and who do not make excuses will prevail.... Success is in anyones grasp, you just have to reach out and pull it in.... no matter what mistakes you have made in the past.... It's difficult, but the rewards are great.... It's a matter of who wants positive "giving back" success, along with who wants it enough to work hard in the most self fullfilling and positive ways. That seems to work 4 me and my Family. Reality is a reflection on actual occurances, go figure, everyone's experiences are different and unique.... so what's reality to me, can't be a reality to you.... right?!.... IN MY WORLD "FAMILY" MEANS NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND!!!! what does it mean in yours???? Depends on your experience i guess, huh???? Made you think :)

  • Adam

    My father abused my sister many years ago (before he was caught and imprisoned) 10 years later , I got a letter from him saying he would like to talk to me. I still have a great deal of hatred towards this man but decided to go and see what he had to say. He didnt say much and completely avoided the situation. He acted as old mates do after not seeing one another for a few years. I asked him why he did it. He said that he didnt know and tryed turning it around saying he was abused. This is where I get stuck. He was abused and knows how it feels , the pain , the tourment etc. Why would he then wish to inflict this on another person especially his daughter? If was set on fire as a child , would I go around setting other people on fire ? , NO! and thats because I know how much it hurts.

  • Anonymous-11

    i know what it is like to be abused physicly and emotionly my two sisters and i were abused by our real father and it is not something that you would want everybody to know about and it herts heaps.about six years later he wanted to see us agian but we did not so we hade to go through a big court case that went on for about four years .we ended up winning in the end but he did not get punoshed for his crime now were is the justise in that

  • Anonymous-12

    abusers are bad

  • mary

    My sister is 38 years old. For as long as i can remember she has done many cruel things. She worked in an old peoples home and made a pie from dog meat and fed it to the residents. She threw a kitten under one of the residents as she was about to sit down resulting in its death. She gets her 11 year old son to go out and slash car tyres of any one she does not like. She sent a valentine card to a widowers dead husband one year after his death, saying miss our friday night sex, knowing the wife would obviously read it. She has thrown eggs and flour over cars on halloween. She has done and said many cruel things. She does all these things and somehow seems to always get away with it. She is also very clever in what she does. I am a normal level headed happily married woman who likes to lead a simple quiet life, so i stay well away. There have been many family arguments over her. And somehow she has manipulated my mum and dad into believing she is the perfect daughter. I have moved far away from my mum and dad, which is very sad. I feel i have missed out on so much. They think the world of their wicked evil daughter, and i feel like the black sheep. I have confronted my mum over my sisters ways and she always seems to make excuses for her. So after 20 years i gave up. I still keep in touch with my mum and dad. But dont speak to my sister. I have another sister who is just like me, happy with a family of her own. She also has nothing to do with her. She has done many cruel things to us her two sisters, why? She seems to be at her happiest when she up to no good. I dont think she has any friends, and spends every day at my mums house. One day i feel she could do someone real harm, she is very fond of putting laxatives in drinks or food. She gets a huge kick from doing all these wicked evil things. Although she has done some pretty screwed up things i cant help feeling sorry for her.

  • Mindy Rodriguez

    I have an extremely abusive supervisor. (i.e., She comes into my office and announces that "the company cannot make it with the salaries we pay and that the owner is going to be approached to fire some of the staff.") The owner moved from one to another 2500 miles with a small core staff who had been with him from the beginning of the company (myself included). Finally I went to find him yesterday to ask him to stop the financial and layoff chatter going on in the company because it is bad for the company and brings everyone down. Could not find him.

    How would you handle this?

  • Anonymous-13

    I had a b/f, that alway stated that the weman he dated was always stealing from and using him up. Our friendship became some more, I through. He said that his back,leg and head hurt, so I would try to help him keep his place clean, alone with keep my home clean. I got to the point that I could not go homes to take care of my normal duties for myself. If I did, he would say things like, you must be meeting your man, I was told that you would have two to five men. then thing got worst, he begin to get a littel physical, I told him that, I was not going to keep staying in this relationships, because I could see it going or getting worse. Then on November 2007, we were out to a club, enjoying ourselves, I though. Then when I would not go to his houses and wanted to go home, mainly because it was late and I was to go to work the next day. He pulled up in my yard, asking me again why I did not want to go to his home, I though about it again, looking at him I remember when He locked his doors (they needs keyed to lock them from the inside) and attack me. So I tried to get out of his car, when he jump from his side of the car, holding me around the head, I started to fight back, we ended ups on the driveway, is when he got up and and stated, get up, you are not going to up me. (I had spend my money and time on him, etc. see his home now, compared to when I first met him). I do not want to in him life, but he calls and tries to be good, but end up doing and saying the same abuses things to me. how can I keep him away from me, I am thinking that at one point, if I keep trying to be nice he will take me somewhere and hurt or kill me. There have been time when he would say things like, "I could drive my car into a canal with you in it and get myself wet to act as if I was trying to save you. People would believe me, I woul be wet...smiling). He gives me every man in towns or any man that looks or smile my way, no at me. That is why your husbands left you, you are no good. How can I get him out of my life without any problems?

  • Morgan Jaye Burns

    I think that for so long, people looked the other way. They said things like, "I don't want to get involved, or it's none of my business, or she must stay because she likes it(the abuse), or my ever favorite..."It was a crime of PASSION?" Passion, there's no passion in murder, or any abuse. A long time ago, people never adressed alcoholism...then out of the closet it came with AA, etc. Now we are starting to talk ABUSE. Not a monent too soon. I wanted to stop the cycle with me and not have it affect my children...I failed. I am out of the relation, alive, and that is about it. 2 of my children are victims and one, is another abuser. The abusive spouse still controls them, and yes me too 7 years after the divorce. ENOUGH!

  • Roman Soiko

    Because they are seeking power, plain and simple

  • Katie

    my best friend anna has been raped 2 times by her brother he is 19 and she has only told her mother once , he did it again and she diddn't tell her mother he also hits her til she has bruises and cries and never gets in trouble for it please help me help my friend i don't know what to do

  • Sister

    My brother is married with a beautiful daughter. He emotionally abuses his wife, calling her names and breaking down her self confidence. My sister in-law is seeking legal advice as she wants a divorce. I love both of them and was wondering what the best way is to try and help? We were not abused as children but he seems to be unable to cope with stress/anger and takes it out on the people closest to him. Any advice will be welcome.

  • Maya

    Im in a very verbally abusive well were not together only live together cause i feel off my feet because of this man.Well he degrades me calling me anything that makes him feel Great as if hes so innocent,cant noone tell him anything.He comes home and will wake me up to degrade me how ima slut and he found stuff out about me ,but wont tell me who tells him this< sometimes i wounder if he makes this up about me ive never cheated on this man i wanted a family , bu he says y do i lie as if im innocent . But when i find out stuff about him his own family tells me he wont even acknowledge it, he cant even talk about it he says he doesnt want to talk about it that i should be able to talk to him , but he gets made at me. why does this wake up makes it seem as if we have a future then will turn tables and tell me he cant stand me get out im use less i dont have shit im dumb leave him alone or hell do something . BUt y cant i leave this man i cry myself to sleep in the shower in my mind and dispite him , but then i say he s gonna change ,,,i do everything for him clean cook serve him put his clothe sout watch our daughter so he can go out i gotta ask if hell watch the baby so i can go out or find asitter .BUt i still Love him y y y i pray he become sbetter he has no heart ..he says he has no friends no one to trust i only want to be happy with him , y wont he grow up hes 27 going on 28 less than a month im 23 have a 7yr old and we havea 3 yr old who adores her father man cant noone tell her other or talk about her daddy ,,, But y cant he respect me our past is our past why does he believe people who lie about me , so many of hi sfriend sare jealous of his happppiness when they see him smiling and will say anything to coud this man ,,,, i wish we can be alone free from Drama im so young being verbally and physically abused at his convienence ,,,, Y

  • codrit

    im a nine year old kid and im witnessing my mum get abused by her parterner of 1 year and he has been arrested more than twice he only dose it when he drinks but acts all innocent afterwards, im scared for my health and my mums, please! can i have some sort of help?!

  • Anonymous-14

    WHy do people have o child abuse??

    they know its going to hurt them.

    so why do they do in the first place??

    if some people want to have children they need to learn to take care of them

  • Anonymous-15

    ive always stood back and tryed to support others who were stuck in domestic violence. i always wondered why no matter how much you tell them and they agree that they'l always stay with the abuser. i always said that as soon as a man laid his hands on me i would be outta there ...but believe me its not as easy as that... when is the last straw the last straw??????

  • Anonymous-16

    when i was 3 yrs old i was ran over by a van and it was by my aunt angie. She wasnt drunk or any thing she just ran me over. I was abused alot my dad would throw glass beer bottels at me and it would leave bruises. My dad was an alcholic and a drug addic. He threw his steel boots at us on purpose because he was drunk. there is 13 of us altogether but the younger six of us where adopted by my aunt and uncle. They felt God calling them to adopt us so they did. i havent seen my parents for eight years. i wish i could see them because i struggle in life because i am unable to see them. I just wanted to say to anyone who has been abuse or anything like that you are not the only oes there are other people who have been abused. So stop cutting yourself or think about commiting suicide because of them. God is there for you ask him to help you and he will just pray. In the bible it says ask and you shall recieve.

  • Anonymous-17

    i feel bad for you guys

  • Anonymous-18

    wow all theses i read hurt me very much it make me cry

  • Anonymous-19

    you know - if you are a victim of any kind of abuse - you don't have to put up with that! there are so many people you can go to and talk to!! if someone hits you - just once! walk out! that's all you have to do! don't put up with that crap! you're stronger than they'll ever be! you've gotta belive in yourself - not what they say or do to humiliate you. it's your life - you've got to make the most of it. don't just think about it - DO IT!!!

  • Lola

    I have a Christain sister who says that I am not supposed to have no-one love me or like me but Jesus. She says that I need to find a church to go to that will teach me that. My brothers and sisters have stolen all my property, had me illegally institutionalized, control where I work, & live. They say that whatever other people do to me is on my head. Is this really Christianity or just more abuse? While I was institutionalized, I woke up with blood and meat in my underwear. This was also supposed to be on my head. I am supposed to be responsible for my actions and the actions of others. All my animals have been destroyed, and I have had a bankrupycy & other bad credit on my credit report that was not mine. Whenever I call legal aid they cannot help me. I have brothers and sisters that work for the county, the state, the feds & the mental health system. I come from a large family & my parents didn't get along exactly. My daddy had my mamma committed all the time & my brothers and sisters say that I am crazy like she was. My daddy was an alcoholic womanizer. I can not convince them that not wanting someone to have anything or anybody is not Christian & that it is wrong. I cannot convince them that if you feel that way about somebody, it is not their fault. You are supposed to be good to people or leave them alone. Does anyone else out there have these problems outside of marriage, or is it just me. (Because if your brothers and sisters that hate you control your life, the fact that you can't date or marry anyone who is an abuser goes without saying)...They just tell me to look up & wait for JESUS!!!

  • Anonymous-20

    it is nine of us and we were beaten with any thing my mother could get her hands on.

    My sisters were beaten with electrical cords until the wire penerated the skin, we had to pick the wires from our skin, another sister had a boiling pot of coffee poured on her back as she waked in the kitchen, no reason, I was beaten in the head with a hammer because I could not hold the flash light the way she wanted it . my brother was beaten for buying a friend a bottle of milk for her baby. One sister was pulling at a loose thread from a chair and my mother saw it went into our bedroom and turned ber bed over took out a bed slat and carved a handle into it then call my sister into the room and began to beat her in the head and face for about and hour. And it goes on and on... We were blind folded and told she would shoot one of us at a time until we told her who took the num form the radio, she hit a pan to make us this she was shooting the other. Locked out doors naked. made to stand in a tub of hot water becasuse our house cleaning did not pass her inspection...

    What type of mental disorder is this?

  • stephanie

    ok, i read the first 3 or 4 articles and what you people don't realize about telling someone about being abused is that when ur a kid your scared.i was abused from the ages 4-7 i tried to tell someone and it came back to bite me in the rear end! the person i told called my mom and told her what i said and she beat the crud out of me that night and denied it and they said "ok sorry for intruding."

    so i'm sorry but it's not as easy as just walking out. what if you don't have family or you have absolutely know where to go??

    i felt i needed to say that because you make it sound so easy and it hurts because it's not and i wish it wasa cause i was scared out of my mind!

    sorry,

    stephanie

  • Anonymous-21

    i think all of yall who told storys are strong

  • Anonymous-22

    At first I felt sorry for my brothers babymamma because he beats her and she say shes going to leave him because she dont want her son turning out like that and because she thinks he be having nightmares about it because he cries in his sleep and hes only 1 years old, but every time I turn around she still with my brother, she says its love and you cant just leave some1 you love just like that. I think he cant love her that much if he beats her, but i got 2 give it to her at least she fights back.

  • darrell hunt

    does anyone know why a mother would single out one specific child for abuse and encourage his other siblings to do the same. My earliest memories of childhood involve horrendous verble and physical abuse as well as neglect. At age five my mother would let me wonder aimlessly into nearby fields with children resulting sometimes resulting in injuries that required medical attention, then would act like a concerned parent. she would often encourage my brother and sister to call me names like pee-bag when I would wet the bed at age five. this really hurt my self-esteam. I cant quite believe how cold and cruel she has been through-out the years. when i'm not available for abuse she will target my father verbally and he is a kind and decent man. she has ailenated me from the rest of the family but paints herself as a saint to others. Iam forty now and recently called to tell her that i love her and she told me she did'nt believe it. she will NEVER hear those words again. DRH

  • Jon

    I agree with you Anger Management

  • Anonymous-23

    I have seen people go through abuse and i honestly think from an outsiders veiw is that its all about power. The guy who did this to my friend, he had no control over his life it was falling apart yet he felt the need to hurt her so much. He would be blatent and i think that just gave him a buzz from doing it. Keeping all of this world a dirty little secret. It's wrong no matter what case it is. But i also think it can be helpped domestic abuse, it goes both ways i hate it when its always focused on men when i have seen women do it too. Its not as public but it does happen. Abuse from parents is just there anger from there fuck up lives. I just know one thing is that anyone who is abused its not there fault because its either the person who needs to feel power or just some need for revenge. ABUSE=POWER ... When they need to feel some sort of self use, some sort of self worth to where they think that they are better than some one and can control them at any point its all a game for them, to see if they can get onto another level. To push there limits see how far they ca go its a test of strenght for them and a power rush. ABUSE=POWER .... That is just my view

  • Brittany

    i dont think this should happen to anyone i was never abused but i have friends that got abused an still they are gettin abused i wanna tell some one but she asked me not to but ya i think that stuff i read is crazy

  • Carl

    For those who are being abuse, I wish I can marry you than take you away from you sibblings. However since I can you can get married to a person who doesn't control. The best thing I can sjuggest is be good to your neighbor and Christ will show you away out. Don't hate, but just be happy that you are not the brother or sister who is doing the abuse. It is just a tip, Be nice to your neighbor and maybe that is your way out. Prayer is good but Christ did the suffering already, Do volunteer work help others and Christ will be ther for you. Another thing is commit your self to AA meeting and an NA meeting and there you can fellow ship. That is helping other. Please it is something and God, you dad and neighbors or in the meetings. We some one to talked to and you are that one. Committing to service, such making the coffee for an meeting once a weed for a year. Will open your eye to the world. And you can say good by to your family and say hello to the new world. Meetings are group therapy: a self help group if you world. The devil has the world believing in the stigma attack to attending a self help group, AA meetings or NA meetings. The main things is Listen and pay attention. People will love you like you never been love before.

  • carly

    my mom and dad fight all the time. i belive my dad has anger managment problems. he goes from hot to cold in one second. right now my mom and dad are yelling at each other over the phone. i have a friend who is a child of divorce. her parents divorced when she was 4. i think she is lucky.

    there is a thing called unconditinal love. i love my mom, brother, grandma, aunt, step-grandpa, and etc. But i do not love my dad

    my dad doesn't just hit me and my brother he throws us against walls and kicks us and smacks us. one time my dad through my brothers magizine at him. my brother was eating a beagle and cream chesse got all over his magizine. my brother got mad and through it. my dad came up from behind him and through him against the wall. he broke the plate and made my brother clean everything up. I know that it was wrong of my brother to through the magizine but i cant belive my dad did that.

  • torie

    i think that this is so true i am a survivor of child abuse i survived it for 7 years it does mess you up but if you know how to handle sistuations you can overcome it i know that you might feel as what you are going through is so hard right now but life is a test it shows you how much you can handle everyday everyone goes through something but dont let one little thing tear you down from standing up with your hand held high do what you thin is right if you are being abused in anway then you have to tell somebody and dont us the excuss i love that person no the hell you dont you love the thought of them and they like what they can get out of you dont settle for anything lesser than what you have too everyone in this world is meant something you were put on this earth for something to happen and dont let anyone tell you different

  • Anonymous-24

    I am 31 years of age and have four children. I have been in an abusive relationship for four years now and I am ready to get out. It seems to be the hardest thing to do. I really wish my husband could get help but he can not be help unless he realize tha he has a problem. He does not discriminate on who he is going to abuse it is from me to the kids. He often picks on my 13 year old son and my eleven year old daughter hates him. I have two kids from him and he constantly says they are not his we have even had a paternity test done for our daughter and he says I tampered with the results. I think he has a mental problem. i should have reconized these signs from the beginning when he would accuse me of doing things I know I have not done he would always tell me that someone told him something about me. He constantly calls me a liar. If he does not have money he will be so nice because he need me but the minute he get on his feet I have to beg for money. If I don't beg I have to be as nice as possibe making sure he does not get upset before it time for me to receive the money if I make the slightest mistake I could not get. He know that I am independent and always find a way to get it done but that eventually takes a toll on you. I have got to the point now I will let things get turned off because he has to have some where to live as well as I do. I can not explain what causes this man to be this way but he can not love anyone because he does not know how. Every time something goes wrong it is my fault he is to coward to admit his wrong doing. It is sad that the abuser does not ever feel the pain he/she is causing others. I pray to God he change for his sakes not for me. I do not think I would ever want to be with him again because I will always be waiting on him to explode.

  • Anonymous-25

    I have been reading all these articles about women being abused. I can see it is very hard to get away from someone that abuses you because you love them, but you shouldnt put up with it. There are many ways to get help. Tell someone. Talk about it. Just get away from the abuser, because if you dont things will only get worse. Its not safe or healthy to be with anyone or close to anyone who abuses you. And if the abuser says they will change, just give them once chance, if they dont go through with it, then its really time to get away from them. I hope I have helped.

    NO ONE SHOULD BE ABUSED!


  • Anonymous-26

    Everyone talks about girls being abuse,But how about men being abuse by women!Women have the law on thier side,they use thier kids against them.If you try to leave they make you look bad for leaving your wife and kids in the eyes of the court.A man loses either way they go!!!!!!!!!If people only knew how hard it is for a man to tell people that thier abuse by thier wife.If they fight back they will lose everything,thier kids,thier pride as a man,plus thier money!!!!!! thanks for listing

  • Anonymous-27

    I agree with the previous comment that it must be hard to be a man and admit he is abused, as this is hard for both men and women. However, i do not agree that men always loose their money, in alot of cases, yes. But you can not jugde all women as the same. some women stop access to their children and can be bitches through the divorce, as can men. Everyone is different and i have not judged all men by what i saw from my father when i was growing up, you should not judge all women. thankyou

  • Anonymous-28

    l was abused has a child growing up, just the thought of hearing friends abuse there children makes me want to hurt them am now 47 years of age I know not to hurt them. A friend of mine from the past 23 years ago came back into my life. She abused my niece to the extent that she is border line mental retard. I saw this women throw her 2 year old daughter against the cement wall. I was young then in my teen years l fought with her until the police arrived. nothing was done. This women had another 4 more kids, her youngest is 17 and her oldest is 25 years of age still with her hubby. Her hubby did not know about the abuse (blind love) he worked 14 or more hours a day believed in her words reason on why the kids have marks on there tiny little bodies. His son's girlfriend approached him saying that he son has scares at the private area. When he heard that he cried could not believe what he heard, She also has sex with alot of other men. Her 18 year old is suiside now. She hates her mother, the father is gathering information on the abuse to him and his kids. He still does love her though, am helping him and telling him the truth about the law cause everything he wanted to do in life she would say he would have to pay for it so he never went for help. He does no it is out there now threw his doctor free counciling. He is going for a Divorce now. he is hoping the kids will speak out and let the secret out. Hope everything works out for him, he is a kind human and loves his kids...l never seen a grown man cry like the day l saw him, l held him and looked deep in his eyes, the pain and darkness, sadness he has.

  • james

    hey ive been on lexapro for a year and when i get drunk i piss the bed in my sleep is that normal????

  • Amy Hoover

    I am a Military wife, Doesn't that say it all right there? Not that all Military Men are bad, but majority seem to get fustrated, uncontrollable, and very Angry. And seem to take it out on us wives. Thats where I come in. I have been taking Abuse too long that its now at the point where I am Stuck. When I pick up all the courage in my little body, he ALWAYS has a way to break me down!! If only us women could be a lot stronger. I do believe we do need to go to the Lord for strength and guidance!!!

  • annonamous

    i realy love mi family heapz esspecially mi mum im 11 and go 2 mi dads in the weekend and am at mumz during the week mi dad does not very nice or good thingz so ive heard from mi mum i dont realy love him becase mi other side of mi family have been hurt bi him in a way mi 18 year old brother michael tunin 19 in 2 months had been taken 2 japan from his dad didnt come bak 4 mre than a year any way when he was gettin piked up from his dad mi dad was pikin me up he stole a bunch of michaels cds and games but he doesnt play or listen 2 them hes returned them now but mi sister has stolen a mp3 cord that connectz 2 a radio in a letter box i told dad he said who cares? he steals he lies and smokes cannibass help me please i want mum 2 have full custody even though i c her mre than him he says he dosent like reachin owt the window 2 smoke id rather live withowt him than die from breathing in poisons!!!!!!!! help please!

  • Anonymous-29

    i agree with you that there is no reasonable excuse for abuse. however i have to disagree with what you said about people who don't abuse because they are angry. i have grown up with abuse and because of that i have a hard time controllin my temper. you should have seen the number of times that i was close to hitting someone only because i was pissed. so yeah people are capable of abusing just because they are pissed. i am and i'm only 16. i am going into therapy though. i don't want to be a threat to those i love.

  • Sas

    I think people abuse others because they feel insecure,or abused themselves.....

  • nicole

    I feel that some time I think there is no hope for us, my guy and I butt I also think that I need to help him see what he is doing we have a baby and I want things to be right with us I feel that most people feel that thy can make it stop and get better and I want it to.......

  • Anonymous-30

    im onlii 18 nd ive been with my bf 3 years he is so horrible 2 me though n i cnt cope nemur but i cnt leve im because stupid as it sounds i wna b with im e calls me fat n e neva wants 2 see me he dusn ansa the fne 2 me eva i dnt no his family e shouts at me until i start cryin then tells me 2 go n sort myself out and tht thers sumthing wrong with me so im alone wen im upset but then e can b rele nice n tell me tht e loves me but its like ees a differnt peson wen ees aangry this dusnt sound bad readin it but it rele is.

  • Anonymous-31

    Are people who have been abused more likely to commit abuse? What are your thoughts on this?

  • Kristin Mckay

    it cant be argued that vast numbers of people that are abused become abusive. There are, however, vast numbers of abused people who do not. It is unfortunate for those who have serious mental issues, possibly because of abuse, but most peolpe have a chioce....

    there were two brothers who grew up in home with a terribly abusive father. the father was an addict. He drank, did drugs, and alway spent the money that should have been available for the family. He beat his wife and emotionally abused his two boys on a daily basis as well. One day the father past away and the family was relieved of all the abuse.

    years down the road, one of the brother was found living the same life as his father did. The other brother was a predominant lawyer in their large home city.

    If you asked the first brother why he lived the life that he did, he would say " my father was this way. I just learned it from him. It's all his fault the as*h***"

    But you could ask the second brother how he became so successful when his father was so trerrible and his brother was too. He would say "I didn't want to be that way. I wanted a better life for myself and the people around me. I learned from the way that my father made me feel that he was sick. I am not. He had a problem, and I feel sorry that he couldn't enjoy his life as I do."....

    I'm no brainiac, but I personally feel that people can make what they want of almost any situation. Not to say that in it would be easy in those situations some of them i've been there. But there is chioce. Thank you.

  • Anonymous-32

    this was very useful to my project. thank you for puplishing this information. have a good day :)

  • mary

    i dont know why people like to abuse they are so pathetic and dum in the head.

  • Anonymous-33

    I just got out of an abusive relationship with a man that had a drug problem. I also think he might have been a sociopath. He acted like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. He could be the sweetest man sometimes and other times turn into a monster. He calling me the most awful things and made many threats. He was abused by his mother as a child and always used that as an excuse. But I don't think there is any excuse for treating another human being the way he treated me. The worst part is....he never admits his behavior and always twists my words and turns it around on me. He always blames me. But then again.....that's what drug addicts do. I felt sorry for him for almost 4 years....but now I'm dead inside. He has drained me financially, mentally, and emotionally. I just pray that he finally leaves me alone now.

  • Anonymous-34

    i was in an emotional abusivve relationship with a nfl player for 4years in college..and even a year and a half later i still havent gotten over the effects of it..its like he stole every piece of me and ill never be the same...he lied, cheated..mauliplated me and used me and he doesnt even care...so much happend in the relationship thats is confusing to even start from square one...but the part i remember clearly was when he stopped talking to me for 3months for no reason..he said he didn't want to hear from me...he missed my bday hes response..what difference does it make....when he broke up with me..he said he didn't want me anymore..he will never want me and he doesnt no why he came back...he was just physically attracted to me and he liked to see me naked but that is all..he told me to get over it and that will never be together...i saw him a few months ago..and he said he was sorry for what he did and he apperciated me and was sthankful for everything i did , and i neverr did anything to him...because i didnt sleep with him...he said we can never be friends..and he has nothing left to say to him...this was the same guy i went through hell for at college...i stook by him through everything....two years into the relationship he said he had a girlfriend from home and he chooses her he has no to break up with her im extra on the side..ive been through alot and im not sure if i can ever get over it...he would ingore me for days just to prove what it was like if he didn't care....he would ask girls to send him naked pictures of themselves.....he just lied...and i was always honest to him..i tried so hard to make it work...and at the end of the day he raped me of my self esteem...its like he won

  • Zach

    Thank you so much for this its been a real help for my 4 paige essay thanks so much!!!!

  • Anonymous-35

    im so proud of those who got out. u were able to build up courage and stand up for urself. no matter wat anyone says u guys are heros becuz u are here today and speaking out and telling ur story. these stories r so inspiring. idk if u know it bu they are helping others realize that they need help. so thank you for speaking out. u sure r helping me. im 16 and im going to get help.

  • Diane

    I just found this space & feel better that I can relate to other people that have been abused, left & survived better than before. I have been with this man for over 20 yrs., with 2 kids, 1 is almost 21, the other is almost 11. I want to leave and I can see how I have changed, he has always got to be in control, I cannot go out with friends or my mom. My problem is with my 11 yr old son. I called the police out & they told me basically we both have custody and fight it out in court...so I did not leave...mentally I am finally ready but I am scared because he is such a good con-artist with everyone it's amazing.

  • Anonymous-36

    my best friend used to hurt me. i became so afraid i was NEVER myself. and im only 14 years old. if my friendw who hurt me got me mad i would take it out on my other friends idk how to control my anger anymore. since ive been friends with her i am NEVER myself. i would have sleepovas with my other friends without her and we would have the BEST time ever. but then school comes and my best friend (who slept over) doesnt even know who i am anymore. i act like that sleepova NEVER happen. im so afraid to stand up for myself now. i cant say no to her or anything! im terrified. but i did the best thing that i have ever did...i stopped being her friend. now im able to be myself, hang out with my friends without her, say no and stand up for myself and my friends without being scared. i give thanks to all my best friends who helped me get through the pain and how they helped me stop being scared. friends are all i have. i love you guys!!!

  • Anonymous-37

    Hello, I have been mentally abuse in my marriage for over 15years. My husband used other people and his self to abuse me everyday. I left him once for to years I was doing well for myself i worked paid my own bills. He seen me with another man and said he wanted to make me and my son happy. We got back together I helped on half of all the bills. Then I got very sick then was having our first child on top of that. After i had the baby, . I got some damage to my spine which left me wereing diapars . He told every one I got worst O could not even walk . I had to get shot in my spine for pain and had my son and a new baby to take of. My son watched him not won't to help that what hurts the most.With all of that and the comments maked to me and everyone else he told bussines to I just want to hide.

    I did leave him but he still want to know what goin on in mylife and does thing and says things thet realy hurt when I won't talk to him .I get mad and argry .I stil fall in to his lies. What can I do?

  • tom

    All the poeple who gto abused befor they are just like me ,i gto abused sence i was 4 years old and i got abused sence 13 years old . So for all of you who gto abused i know what it's like !

  • Nancy

    i have never been abused and i am oh so sorry for thoes that have been and all i can say is tell someone if it is happening to you

  • Anonymous-38
  • Hakum Cunningham

    Is it easier to work through an abusive relatioship or not? Take for instance me. When I was younger my father was a mean man, he and my step mom decided to get married but intead of getting married they arranged for my family and my step brothers and sisters to have relations and have relationships of married people. I was only 11 years old living in a foreign country. I still have nightmare about the rapes that included taking many eggs from the ladies and storing the embroys. My father hiring a hit man to stop the problems and this man turned on all of us. Our family ended up in the middle of warlike conditions. If it wasn't for some great samaritans who had conscience we would have been dead. My sister was taken away from us and set off to find her. I was then trapped and for awhile I was living with what they called her husbands family. Some people just have abuse ingrained in them. But take for instance my bodyguard, he was from an abusive past and now he is a sevant of the true God. People can change if they want to but for him it took a lot of effort and for which I am grateful!!!

  • janelle

    I have never been abused. but if i a n*gga ever would hit me and i can't beat him, i'll just wait til he goes to sleep. that way he will be to hurt to strike back when he wake up. And then just get out of there. run as fast as you could and call for help

  • Kate

    :( feel bad for those who did

  • amanda

    what is wrong with people these days i mean cant they find a toy to beat instead of children that did nothing wrong!!!? those buttheads have nothing better to do they go party and smoke and drink and they leave the child alone and when they get home they are drunk or high they beat their kids or someone elses kids!?

  • Cayman

    Ugh...

    People Should Seriously JUst grow up and stop beating other people

    i mean its not like they did anything about it either..

    grr

    to all those people out there who have been abused...

    i feeldorry for you

    i mean i dont know what its likebut i know so many people who have been Abused....

    and its really sad!!

    ~cayman~

  • nikki

    nothing easy theres no way that you can keep your self from this or help yourself once its done its done there is nothing you can do. people dont understand how hard it is to be the victim. its hard to continue on and live this life its hard to move on and forget because you never can it haunts you for life you can get as much help as you want but it will never help anything. yeah it may help you get it out but it doesnt mean anything its still there forever. i was sexualy abused and beaten from the age of 5 until 12 years old i didnt no what was right and what was wrong what was i to do at that age? nothing im to young to understand whats going on in life. and when i grew up and started to understand it i had my life threatened and that scared me more then anything so i kept it in for 7 years of my life i put up with this and did nothing and finaly i told someone and they helped me get away its been 4 years now csince i was takin out of my home but im still going through court and having to see my father the person who hurt me. and when you go through court and have to keep telling people what happened it doesnt help it brings everything back and it makes veerything worse all over again as soon as you think oh my life is normal again it goes back to the way it was because someone asks you something or you see your abuser theres nowway of getting out of these situations no matter what you do you can run and hide but there is nothing that will ever be able to stop these people from abusing others because its what makes them happy and most of the time no one finds out because people are to afraid to tell sdomeone else what is happening to them so they keep it uin and let these people get away with it. but truly if you have been abusedtell someone as soon as possible dont hold it in it will only make your life worse and worse and then yes you most likely will become an abuser yourself. soo please tell someone and atleast get some ofthese people out ofthe world and away from being able to hurt others. and ps not all peopel that have been abused or sexualy abused grow up and become the same way i didnt and im going to hopefully keep it that way i swear if i ever hit a kid i would kill my self so you cannot tell people that most people that have been abused abuse someone there selves because they grew up with that because it is not true at all. i no alot of people that have been abused thaT azre alot older and they have kids and they are more loving towards theyre kids then anyone i no.

  • a**hole magnet

    I went to a doctor in nyc in east village tied to hip drugs people downtown. he was recomended to me by my late exboss an abuser of drugs self people etc.

    i had suffered abuse in my life and escaped it . got a rising life. suffered 15 years of medical failures to treat my trauma suffered ptsd as result . then got a good life. that life was shaken by a sick abuser a black jamaican crack head.

    when i went to this doctor in eastvillage nyc. he said my abuse was my fault. instead of telling me that i would need to stablize from all done to me by this scumbag , as in beating m with two by fours breaking my ankle robbing me of money and damaging my things . and planed to make me mentallyill to make me go mad commit suicide so he did not have to divorce. i had gotten to my doctor to prevent set back after i escaped him.. or that doctor put it that way. Telling an abused person that its their fault is abuse.. what drughes ondont know.

  • nick

    i been abuse but not sexual just fight every day of my life even in my school i get bully and pick on every day of my life i want to die and kill my self but i try my best not to do that so i wanted to kill my bother that did that to me every day he hit me and pull my hair so i did the best thing i kill my self inside its hard to do and hard to say but i took every thing and keep it in me so one day i can get even and figth back and i did it feel so good when i work out and got bigger and meaner i hit my bother so hard now he recpect me and now i cant never love life like i should and to top it off my fater is a drinker and mother to so i dont know what to do i cant just kill them i will go to jail but what ever you do to me i will make sure i do it 10 time worse and i live life like that

  • SandySea

    I just want to say to everyone who has been abused in their life to NEVER give up! You may not realize it but you are living for so much more. It may not seem it because things are going wrong, but there are people out their who love you. Keep holding on, you will make it through. If you need to seek help, people will help you. Whenever I was down I would always listen to "Going through hell" by Rodney Atkins. It talks about so many bad things happening and times where you want to give up, but you need to keep holding on and you will make it out.

  • Anonymous-39

    As someone who was physically abused by my dad growing up, I have found throughout my adult life that I repeatedly go into one abusive relationship/ situation into the next, even though each time I vow never to do it again.

    Something very powerful works at an unconcious level perhaps to attract, excuse or justify abusive behaviour in others, like I saw my mom excuse such behaviour in my dad.

    I am now really trying to move on after my last abusive relationship. I think the key to resisting more abuse is to really know and believe that IT IS NOT OK and YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT.

    No matter what abusers try to tell you, you do NOT deserve it. You are not a bad person no matter what they try to make you believe. You can find somebody who really LOVES you and understands the pain you have been through, so don't put up with anymore abuse.

    Walk away every time you realise abuse is going on. I know how hard it is but you CAN do it. Pain and abuse is NOT love, no matter how much you think you love someone. If they are hurting you, it is not love. Perhaps it is all you know or all you think you can get. But that's not true. You are loveable. Really loveable. That's why you are alive.

    Love yourself, and love others, but walk away from pain and abuse. Nobody deserves it. Definitely not you.

    And through the pain and hurt I have found like others here, that something beautiful can come out of our hard and painful experiences. We can understand others. We can become stronger. And we can help others who are hurt. WE CAN LOVE OTHERS in the ways we wished we were loved. And one day you will find your pain is healed. Never give up. I still have a way to go but I'm not ashamed because I'm trying which is better than giving in to abuse.

    Love is stronger than hate. It's true. Sending LOVE out to you all.

  • dina cantagallo

    i am a very hurt here and i am vict here and i beat grab at and threw over a fence and been yelled at me curse at put charges against me and treat me like a servant ... and he very mean i put charges againest him and he vil 2 restrining orders and went to jail and got out please give me a call 609 680 9434

  • Rodney

    I don't know exactly how to put this... I'm 20 and I live with my mother who's abused me for as long as I could remember. I know it has to do with all the men that have hurt her, including my father.

    Every day I pay for other peoples' mistakes and it's really hard to deal with. It started with being called names, being told that I can't do anything right, being physically disciplined much more than necessary.

    The year that I grew taller than my mother, she stopped beating me, and took to more psychological abuse. I've been told for years that I'm rebellious, hateful, ugly, worthless, that I'm hated, etc.

    And I still to this day don't understand how my two older sisters could see that happening to me, but never spoke up for me, and now they still don't say a word.

    What more that I don't understand is how I can be called all of those things and be none of them. I've never been able to do anything but go to school and work. The only time that I'm treated correctly is when I'm giving my mother my money. When I don't, suddenly I'm worthless.

    But I'm stuck. I have no where to go to get away from her, no where to stay. No car, no money (because she's taken it all), nothing.

    If I continue to appease her then I live a life of nothing. Correction, I continue to live a life of nothing.

  • Anonymous-40

    Dina, you're a brave person to reach out online.  You can call (856) 227-1234 (a 24-hour hotline) for the Camden County Women's Center  You can also call the New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 572-7233, also a 24-hour hotline.  Finally, there's a National Domestic Violence 24-hour hotline, and it's (800) 799-7233.  I think all of these places will advise you to get out of your home as soon as possible and come to one of their shelters.  I hope that you do.  

    If you have not already, in the future, try to only access this website from a public computer (I know that's hard to do.)  I will check back periodically to see if you post again.  Good luck. 

  • Ashamed Abuser

    I was an abuser! Every day I have to live with the guilt and shame of how I treated my other significant half.

    I did almost everything an abuser does, for 4 years :

    I tried to keep my partner from friends and family.I verbally abused my partner about his looks, his qualifications, his intelliigence.I embarrassed him in front of his own friends.

    My actions were WRONG and I realised that only months after I broke up, and this is because I was abused myself - almost TWICE. What went around enentually came around, and I deserved what I got because had it not been for my own abuse in that short time, I would never have realised what I had done to my ex partner.

    Why did I do it?

    It is as simple as this: because I did not know or realise that what I was doing was abuse. I thought I was right and ok.

    How did it start?

    We had problems from the start of our relationship, and I lost trust in my partner right from the start!

    I was lied to and I found out. My friends warned me about my partner. They continued to warn me about his behaviour.

    As a result, I became possessive, and then this turned into verbal abuse, because I had to get control back.

    How did it progress?

    This then became worse as my partner became even more secretive. I became more frustrated, our relationship was an unhappy one, I felt really unhappy. My partner was unhappy.

    How did it end?

    I caught him out, he was with his "dad" at his house, and yet when I made a surprise visit, he was not there, but was at friends. I calll three times, while I stood in his empty lounge, he told me how his "dad" was still there and how he was still "cleaning up" before he came aorund to me.

    So why do I feel guilty?

    That is easy, simply because my partner was being untruthful and living his "own life", I was still abusive because I had no right to say the things I did. He was untruthful to me, so I should have walked away - as the better person, but now I share the guilt for my own abusive behaviour.

    The result?

    I am a better person, I will treat others as I would like to be treated. I will be the better person, always.

  • Anonymous-41

    Background

    When I was a child by brother and I accidently turned an innocently misplaced hand into intentional but "mild" experimental behavior of each others parts. The behavior happened once more and then we never did it again or spoke on it. I was young and the type to tell my parents everything I felt guilty for, so I wrote a letter telling them what happened- not blaming either one of us, just letting them know it happened. The response, I expected was anger but was told to not let it happen again by my mother.I was relieved, then confused, then angry because I felt like they didnt care-even at my age, I expected more words... or something.

    Throughout my adolescent to teen years I began masturabating. A second incident happened in high school which I wrote in my journal and my mom found and read but never really talked with me it --or sex.

    Problem

    I know most people dont think there is anything wrong with masturabating, but personally I want to stop. What troubles me more than the act, is the thoughts-- I dont think like a female should in the "scene". I get aroused by a women being raped or taken advantage of in some way, but still thinking to myself "she deserves it". This never happened to me so I cant imagine why I would feel this way. There is no emotion, no nothing.

    I find this to be the case even in conversations.If someone tells me they were abused or molested, my normal reaction would be neutral, but I realize this ISNT normal so I give the reaction that I should have had in the first place-this is the scariest thing about my situation. I know often times I see people as object and while im not sexaully active (with other people) I still am usually nonchalant about the feeling of people in general, however I am working on ways to be more caring.

    I dont expect my situation to be relateable but if you have any feedback, Im open to listening.

    Faith

  • Anonymous-42

    Hi, my first words are for Rodney who posted on 3rd of Feb, in some ways I understand what you are going through. I was abused by my mother for 18 years. When I was little I always thought that when I got big I would be able to stand up for myself and not let her do it. However, at the age of 14 I started to have a physical disability which has continued to get worse. This meant that there was no escape from her if I tried to stand up to her look down on her because I was the taller, she would kick my crutches out from under me. This would leave me in a heep on the floor, from that day on, I knew if she knew she could get to me then she would get to me and hurt me. Although I am female my mother sexually abused me as well as psychologically and physically, she was also having an afair behind my fathers back, and she would make me have sex with her boyfriend. Many people don't think that mothers can do such things. One day when I was feeling brave I rang an help line here in the UK called the National Society for the provention of crewlty to children (NSPCC) the response I got was that a mother would never do such things. They were wrong it doesn't matter whether it is a man or a woman they can still harm another being. Sorry if I have rambled, but am a bit stressed at the moment.

    Rodney - I know that you say you have no money, but I am sure there are shelters where you could stay and get support until you get yourself back on your feet. You might even find that some of the female shelters will let you in if you explain the situation. Please whatever you do, start to get out of there or atleast make a plan to get out of there soon. thinking of you

    and to everyone else out there "Safe" hugs

    Steph

  • Christine guntrip

    What do you do when your being cyber bullied? even when you ignore it,it still persist? I have ignored it,but it still goes on.

  • Anonymous-43

    I have always been an unwanted child,my dad used to spoil me rotton,my dad wanted me,but I was not accepted by my own mother.My own brothers used to get on with me well,but since I got married,I have had problems with them.I had my first child,all was well until I had her and from the age of 12 years of age,my brothers and mother took over her,she subsequentally admitted she had mental problems,my brothers and mother interferred continously,and me and my husband,how no powers,we used to love her and support her in everything she did,even when she left school and helped her to find a Saturday job,I did this for her,but she told my brothers and mother and they helped her find another job,not to mention they constantly inteferred with my daughter,she started to become nasty with me with her mental problems,I tried to get her help,she wouldn't let me she was 16 by then and decided that her grandmother and her uncles were boss.

    We don't speak or have any communications at all,she turned against me and said,well I know what your like,your brothers know what your like to,I could never answer them back,they had power over me and my daughter,to this day,I have no communications with any of them,the family destroyed my relationship with her.I subsequently lost my partner nearly 3 years ago,she turned even more nasty,with her own problems,we always supported her,but I was according to her,never a good enough mother,or her father,she wanted it on a plate,by my own extended family.They have betrayed me,all because,I didnt do so well in my life and thought that if I am no good there,then I am not a good enough mother to her.

    I don't talk to any of them,I hate them all,and my daughter has a lot to answer to,scheming liar she turned out to be,I am not allowed any contact with my grandchildren either,we as parents did everything possible for her with the first one as the other's weren't born then only to be dumped when I lost my partner,all because of that family and her beliefs,that I just wasn't good enough.

    I put my family first,I gave up things,I was always there for her,its only my boys I am interested now,its her loss,she thinks I am not capable of being a good grandmother to her children,all because of that scum family of mine.

    I have one grandchild and the couple are certainly normal,she never had the mental problems addressed,even my family,dont know half of what she done,no of course not,She never told them anything,so of course she is the good one in this and I am the bad one.Shame it will come back to haunt her.

  • Pih

    Hello my name is pih and i would now WHY IN THE WORLD does peaple sexual abuse or abuse little childrens adults normal children and e.t.c..

    I would love to have and answer if possible in my e-mail.

    Thanks,Pietra,11years old

  • adtzirith partida

    I had been abuse,by my step dad.All this sexual abuse started like around when I was 5 or 6 or 7 I dont remember really well and right now i'am 12 years old.I felt horriable when he did all this nasty things to me.I tryed to till my mom but I didnt had the corage I was was scared I thought she wont belive me.But one day my friends where talking about themeselfs, they told me they were abuse too.. I never told them I was abused I dont why but then we were in P.E we when with our consler for they could talk about it to her they said they were abused and they all stared crying I wanted to cry to but I saved it the consler told me if I was abused to I told her I wasen't and she said ok thats good so we started talking to the consler about more I was the quite one I never nothing but then we finshed and we when to P.E I stated crying I couldn't stop they told whats wrong I told them I've been abuse too by my step dad it almost happens evertime when my mom gose and buys food for me and my little brother i'am always at my room when mom lives because I dont like it when he abuses of me I till him to stop but he dosent he sometimes heats me he dose alot of things to me... I told my friends everthign he did to me and they that we need too go tell the consler and I said''NO'' i'am scared and they said its for your own good you want this to keep happing?And I said NO,so they said then lets go till the consler I said Ok but tommarow and they said ok....It was tommarow already one of my frinds told me they told the colsler already and I got scared I told but I was gonna till her and said I know but we had to till her i'am but its for your own good and I told them ''thank you''.. We went to talk I told her everything and they called the police and they asked me questions I anwered everything and then I had to to the police to alot people when mom found she started crying she couldn't stop crying..='( And days passed..... PLEASE IF YOUR BEING ABUSE TILL SOMEONE DONT BE SCARED BE BRAVE BUT ONCES THIS HAPPENS YOU COULD NOT GET IT AWAY FROM YOUR EACH DAY I REMEMBER EVERYTHING MY STEP DAD DID TO ME BUT PLEASE DONT SUFFER AND TILL THE POLICE THEY WILL YOU BECAUSE THEY HELPED ME ALOT..=)

  • wow flying dog

    i feel really sorry for all of you i have been there and i know what it feels like. throughtout my life i have been every kind of abused. negleted, sexualy abused, emotionaly, verbaly and yes even physicaly. the abuse stopped when we left him. thet was about three years ago. but something happened a few days ago and i cant stop thinking about all of the things that happened. and it is haunting me! any advice?

  • Maranda

    I understand where u are coming from , but i think that u are old enough 2 move out on ur own. u are also old enough 2 stand up 2 ur mom and tell her that ur dealing with her crap anymore and u can find a friend or other relative 2 go with. im a type of person who would not deal with this bull crap anymore. Dont let ur mom run u like that anymorte if youve dealt with it all ur life.

  • Annie

    My sister in law is a habitual accuser. When caught sneaking out of her house one night, she claimed to have been sexually attacked outside her home. Filed a false police report to throw her parents off.She routinely claimed to be pregnant when she wasn't to 'test' her current boyfriend's love.She used to laugh about molesting baby boys as a teenaged baby sitter. This was in the '70's, before the current molester hyteria started. I told her I was molested as a child, it was horrifically damaging. Shortly afterward, she began to tell people my 'I was molested' story - herself now being the 'victim'. She even used my exact phrasing and vocal inflections. I thought she was mocking me, but realized she just liked the drama so much she decided to adopt it as her own 'story'.Years later as a mother she did 'emergency room' dramas with her kids quite a bit. It was expensive and records are kept, however,so she moved on to other 'dramas'.When 'stalking' became popular on the Donohue show, she began claiming someone was 'stalking' her baby daughter. She would never seek help from the police, however. She even complained how everyone was so concerned about her baby daughter instead of her...the 'stalker' was someone giving her husband a bad time at work...Years later she accused a 5 year old neighbor boy of raping her 4 year old daughter after she and the boy's mother got into an argument. She again wouldn't report it to the police, but certainly told everyone in the neighborhood, trying to force the family to move. She would scream 'raper boy' at the little boy in his front yard. Eventually, they moved to WA state, saying they "couldn't bear to live where their daughter was raped."About 4 years later, she and I got into an argument during a family visit in her home. I caught her sneaking alcohol to a recovering alcoholic family member. She responded by accusing my son of molesting her son. Again, she didn't want to report it to authorities, but repeatedly told everyone in the family my son was a molester. After a few months of this, I told her if she truly believe it happened she must report it - but I would also report her frequent accusations as well as her history of molesting children herself if she didn't apologize to my son. She called and apologized that very night.Two years later, I recieved a call from the local police. Her daughter (the one she claimed was raped by a 5 year old) was now saying my (then)15 year old son raped her everyday for two weeks during that family visit two years ago. She 'disclosed' during a tantrum when she wasn't allowed to attend a party.When I tried to tell the investigators about her history of accusations, I learned that this information was inadmissable - rape shielded. Both the accuser and mother, as 'victim by proxy', could say anything and it was considered the truth. I was barred from participating in my son's defense, for 'revictimizing the victim' by trying to tell about her past. She denied all previous accusations and the years of sexual abuse therapy her child had been exposed to. "He must have done it, how else would she know about such things" was the prosecutor's argument. "You'll never get an aquittal in Seattle", was the mantra attorney's told us. My son insisted on going to trial - he passed three polygraphs saying he didn't do it, and her medical records showed she was virginally intact.10 days before trial, the family moved back to Utah, claiming again they "couldn't bear to live where their daughter had been raped." My son still insisted on going to trial - he was innocent. She had her daughter admitted to a mental hospital, writing a hysterical letter to the Judge that her daughter was walking around lighting her clothes on fire. My son was forced to accept an Alford plea for no jail time, then jailed for a month anyway after passing another polygraph saying he didn't do it. My sister in law was flown back to Seattle at taxpayer's expense for my son's sentencing, bringing a group of court watchers and abuse counselors to cry and protest at his sentencing. My son's probation officer quit a few days afterward - I know he caught the triumphant smile she gave me as my son was handcuffed and lead from the courtroom. Immediately after my son went to jail, his accuser 'bounced back' and no longer needed counseling or therapy of any sort. Lighting her clothes on fire one day, fine and dandy the next. This was 11 years ago, in 1998. My son was put through three tortous years of sex abuse therapy, which is sexual abuse in itself. He almost went to prison, he could never pass the forced confession polygraphs or 'comply' with sex offender treatment. My husband suffered a heart attack from the stress. I considered suicide many times. I still don't know how my son lived through it. He is 26 years old now, and still forced to register as a sex offender.He ran into his accusers at an airport several years ago. They began crying, and asking him to "just let it go. Let's be a family again." He simply smiled and told them he already let it go. He bore it all so well until that day - he thought she was mentally ill and truly believed it happened. After that, he realized she did it just for 'fun', and it has become unbearable for him. He will be petitioning the court to be removed from the sex offender registry, and they will be seeking her imput...it's a long shot, I have no idea how this will turn out. I can only pray to God this ends someday for him.Thank you for listening.

  • lonely.

    im only 14 and i have been through so many things.also many horrible things.i have a boyfriend who is 16 and he was the best thing i ever had in my life. i met him and he was so sweet.until i cheated on him,well i went out with someone he knows. he really loved me though he kept saying he wanted me back. i found my heart and my brain i knew i loved him too so i went out with him again.things changed so fast . he was never the same again. evertime he rememberd i lleft him fo someone hewould yell at me til i cry or hit sometimes. but he wasnt like that so much just most times.so i stood by him. cuz i still love him. we are goin out and itz beenn almost 2 years since he changed drastically. we broke up hundreds of times but i dont know what to do .he admited he hated me and regrets me but then he changes his ways. he use to buy me lotz of thingz and remembered to get me sumthinon holidayz .but that was only for a year.he didnt get me nothin fo m y b day thiz year,christmas or anything else.itz not that i want it but he is the one that strated giving them to me so him changin itz just wrong..SO DONT EVER LEAVE THE ONE YOU LOVE FOR THE ONE YOU LIKE CUZ ITZ JUST SO HURTFUL AND ITZ A MISTAKE

  • Anonymous-44

    When I was 9 years old we adopted my big sister. She came from a home where she was beaten, neglected, and raped. Things were tough when she moved in. When my parents left the house she would beat me up all the time. She hit me and shoved me into things. She used to pin my arms and legs down and repeatedley hit my chest. I think she did it because she was so used to being the underdog in her other home, she saw the entertainment that her grandparents took in mistreating her and I guess she just wanted to gain victory... She'll never know how bad it hurt.

  • Denise

    Well The Best Advice i May Give U Make Sure U Call Ppl Nad HAve Dem Take CAre Of Ur Brither Have Them take Him To a Shelter Thats The Only Way Before Something Worse Can happen

    Jus Be There FOr ur Brother

    Denise Aka Morena

  • Raped and tired

    when i was 6 i was raped by my mothers boyfriied im 28 and i found out that she is back with him lord what shall i do

  • ton

    Pray no matter what, Pray God can help you this is so horrible what is happening, God is there have faith and Pray, I will pray for you all, you need it! I'm sorry you have to go through this, no one deserves it God loves you he will be with you in Heaven if you PRAY and have FAITH!

    Be strong

  • melanie

    hey well i have finally recoverd from all the abuse from my mother and the sexual assult from my brother. i has a extremly sacary thing and i didnt know what to do. i thought i was the right thing for someone in your family too do. Childrens aid got involved now im 16 and im out of all the stuff. if i would have been there longer i was scared my mom was going to kill me so im so thankfull now

  • carla

    there are a few guys who hang out in yahoo's depression support rooms who harass and bully me and so many others. the thing is yahoo does nothing to stop them and refuses to take the complaints serious. so many people have left chat because of this and because yahoo won't enforce their own safety rules , they just say ignore instead of punishing them by permanently banning them from chat.

    One guy insists on attacking me and calling me names and assuming what race i am, and he thinks he is so cool but he isn't. he and his friends attack me with a booter when they see me talking to 2 of my friends just 'cus they have issues with them they take it out on me just for associating with them and i was friends with them before the bullies came along.

    where do they get off dictating who anyone can talk to when we are adults and paying our own internet bills? this guy has called me a fat retarded mexican c*nt and i'm not mexican or retarded . yes i have a learning disability but that doesn't make A person retarded. anyway i have put him on permanent ignore and he is still trying to harass and mess with me. I had contacted an attorney but he said it's not worth it since i don't have big bucks, so does that make it ok for a sick bastard to mess with a woman who wants nothing to do with him? I have told people i don't think he's all that great or special and i refuse to kiss his ass which he wants and so many do kiss his ass to keep the peace but i have been a victim of abuse by other men so why should i put up with it on the net?

    Yahoo needs to quit being stupid and letting these jerks get away with it. i have been abused my whole life by family, kids and teachers at school, total strangers. when is this shit gonna end? it's hard to get any self esteem when people treat you like a helpless infant your whole life. my own mom and sisters are bullies and they refuse to see that they have issues they all take it out on me and i'm the only one seeing a therapist. my family thinks therapy is for stupid people but it's for people who want and deserve better. My sisters and mom have no respect for me they refuse to treat me like a person but like their puppet. they sabotaged my weight loss efforts when i had gastric bypass surgery always interfering when they arent wanted. their idea of helping me is to baby me and i'm almost 45 years old and they refuse to listen when i say what they are doing is destroying me as an individual by trying to make me be whatv they want me to be. they can't accept me as i am they refuse to get to know me as i really am by trying to change me.

  • someone who was abused and changed her life when she got help

    i belive people abuse for a sick feeling of extreme power they know its wrong but they dont care because they r getting there extreme buzz of power these people r evil yes some people r evil its how they tick when i was a child i was abused physically emotianley and sexaully to the point i wacthed my parents preform torture on my brothers all i could see was there pleausure in there faces as they felt power more more power this is how they got there buzz unfortunley these sick people can then use that power for gain i was sold to men as a child for sex so there power even paid them i still cant get my head around it as abusers tell lies they keep the power they want the victim to belive it was all them or it never happened so the victim will carry on being vulunable to abuse abuse knocks the shit out of a persons life and i mean life it is impossiable for a person to recover in to the person who they meant to be without profeesssional help they will as a victim b in permanant victim mode unless they recive proffessional help the abused get used to being abused like me all i knew was violence sexaul abuse and life was a bad place but hey i thought that was what life was going on to a violent marriage a string of abusive relationships it was all i knew the abusers they know if your a victim its how there wired up they seek out poor abused victims to abuse physically emotianley sexaually the abusers want there sick buzzz of power the only way they can get that is threw abuse b it child aldult or animals i say animals because i know my parents would even beat the animals because there vulunable abuserers r bullys of the extreme form a danger to the human race they a r sick evil form of human they r wired up that way and yes they can stop they have a choice to stop and control them selves if they cant control them selves then they should seek medical help they know what there doing i was abused from day dot and i got lucky at the age of 32 i got help for trauma post traumtic stress disorder best thing that ever happened to me i got a new life well certainley getting there i advise anyone who has been abused in any form no matter how small get help go to your drs and ask to b reffered to the mental health services and say u were abused and wish help to heal write it down if u cant feel u can open your mouth to say the words i used to do that when i first got help i was so scared of human beings i couldent even speak out for my needs thats ok then write it down on paper give to your dr post it to them if u cant c them face to face there there to help and they will refer u 4 help menatl health team does not mean your mad it means u have been abused programmened like a robot by the abuser to think and feel like they want u 2 so they can abuse u 4 there sick pleausure get yourself unprogramened get to know who u r u cant find your self on your own it takes a proffessional to unprogram the shit the abuser put in your head i know been there im seeing a phycologist cpn and have seen a phyciatrist and im on the road to recovery and i know i am because i can feel it i feel more realxed about being me im not scared to be me and i am even talikng to other people dont feel so frightened by people shit i used to b so frightned of people dont get me wrong i still feel fear but not half as much i got a little more to go but im on that great road of recovery and well i think im starting to like myself know that a miracle for an abused person to say i hope this will go 2 help anyone else who has been abused in anyway eithier has a child or in domestic violence abuse does not ever leave u even when the abuser has gone u have to get proffessional help and its so much worth it get help go to your dr and ask 2 b refferred to the mental health services and then take a look at thia a year later and tall me how different u feel and how your life has changed i bet it has big time !

  • Shawn

    I am a man, 41, and was just abused. My live in GF was so drunk (blacked out I believe) that she bit my arm (twice), then called the police on herself.

    Now, I am not a small guy. She is only 90lbs. If I even defended myself I would hurt her.

    Police arrested her. Sad. Many issues lead to abuse. I hope she changes for herself before she spends a lot of time in prison.

  • Anonymous-45

    I am not a victim of sexual or physical abuse. I am however, a victim of emotional/psychological abuse. My father has emotionally abused me since I was around the age of 12. I am now 18. My father emotionally abuses my mother as well. My mom has been talking about getting a divorce for months. She obviously hasn't gone through with it, and I'm not sure that she ever will. My father constantly calls us stupid, and many other derogatory terms. The next day, he pretends that none of those things ever happened. I want to hate him, but no matter how much I try, I can't. I find it hard to hate someone who helped make my life possible. Everytime my father tries to tell me he loves me, I think he's lying. When he apologizes for his actions (which is rare) I find it hard to believe as well. He wouldn't keep saying those terrible things if he was truely sorry. My father has told me my whole life that I have no choice and that I'm going to college. Now that I have decided and been accepted to a university, he has refused to help put me through school. He says he doesn't have the money but a few days ago he just bought a $1400 truck with cash only. One year of my school costs around $16,000. $1,400 doesn't seem like a lot, but when it's school we're talking about, every little bit helps. I'm completely confused on why he acts this way towards me and my mother. He acts so happy when other people are around and the minute they leave his attitude does a complete 180. I would like to know why he treats us the way he does. I just can't put my finger on it. If you're reading this, thanks for reading. If you can provide any kind of advice, I would greatly apprieciate it. Thanks again.

    -Looking for Answers

  • Anonymous-46

    I've been lied on by my nephew to my mother-in-law, and she believes him eventhough he has been mentally sick all of his life. My husband defends his mother and doesn't realize that she tears into me when he leaves the room-he makes excuses for her. I have finally told my husband that I can no longer take trips for weekends at his parents because the abuse has gotten worse. I told him that he could go, but not to ask me anymore. I've been told that I have plotted against my nephew because he has a child and I couldn't have children. That is the most horrible thing that anyone could ever say to me!!!! That is how my mother-in-law has turned on me.

    My brother lied on me to his daughter recently too. My dad defended him and walked away from me. But the lie was about my dad too, and I showed him the email that was sent to my niece with the lies about us. My dad defends my brother like he was a saint.

    I don't understand what is going on in my family. I would like to run away from them all and start over where they can't find me. I'm tired of people taking advantage of me, turning me into their victum, and playing emotional blackmail because that is what I feel is going on. I never dreamed that we all couldn't be in the same room together. It's just plain sad.

  • carla

    there is a group of people online in mental health rooms who verbally abuse me and several others. Both men and women and they think it's ok to verbally assault people without even knowing us. i have been called nasty names like bitch, cunt, retard by this group of people constantlty for over 2 years and have reported them to yahoo yet , yahoo refuses to ban them permanently. it's like it gives them a license to keep verbally abusing people they have never met nor will ever meet. Today i tried to forgive one of my abusers and it backfired into more verbal abuse there is no getting through to this guy that he has no right to treat women this way. or anyone. whenever he is angry he takes it out on people online. and he has so many people kissing his ass in the chatrooms. there is definitely something wrong there where he and his friends think it's ok to attack someone who is already dealing with abuse issues. this guy was taking his personal issues with his ex out on me and i have nothing to do with his marital issues. yahoo needs to wake up and stop allowing verbal abusers to stay .

  • Anonymous-47

    i came on here to look for something completely different( to understand my abuse) and still listened to you! I'm someone who knows no love or how to get better!!! and that's all i ever wanted! i know i'm not, who i want to be yet! but i know i could be so much stronger than the bad people that hurt me!! i just need help!!!!

  • Victorius

    THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!!!

    END OF SCRIPT!..If a person has this problem get some help and deal with your issues.

    I am tired of the poor me from abuses who abuse....

    plenty of people who have been abuse DO NOT ABUSE their spouses, or kids. So can the "poor me"

    ABUSERS ARE THE PROBLEM, NOT THEIR VICTIMS!

    GET A LIFE, GET SOME HELP & GET OVER YOURSELF

    .................An abuse survivor!

  • Bon

    Thanks for helping me with my project.

  • Anonymous-48

    Further to reading "Don't Want To Be Responsible - Apr 12 2009", I totally relate to everything you have written! He took no responsibility for anything! He actually compared himself to a child - not a grown man with responsibilities!

    I too was so badly abused. My ex was so damaging to my mental health. He kept putting me down & showed NO love and NO care, he only cared for himself! It all happened once we married. Looking back, it all started the first night we became husband & wife yet I didn't question it!

    He lied daily. I caught him out a few times & when I questioned him, he denied everything. He blamed me all the time ! It was all my fault!! He even drove me to a brothel instead of the coffee shop! Again he looked innocent and denied knowning it was a brothel yet he drove straight there without the melways!

    I began to lose my identity & self worth. I have since divorced him and have absolutely NO regrets - the only regret is I should have done it sooner, but it was too hard as I loved him so much and he knew that. Now he knows I don't love him! He was a charmer but after marriage I saw him without the musk which he tried so hard to hide behind.

    I survived this abuse only by the strong support from family. Without their support, I would never have been able to get away from him. In reality, I would not be here to tell my story! Note: He put me into hospital 4 times ! The last time I was in hospital, he stole from me. Yes, he stole from me!

    The memories are still raw but I don't allow myself to give it much attention. Even though I experienced painful events, there are nice people in this World - just have to search for them.

  • Love

    I think why some people abuse ttheir kid is because some body have i done it to them in the past so that why they abuse their kid

  • Anonymous-49

    My ex was arrested for domestic assault & I have a restraining order yet he still comes around calling a cunt, whore, skank etc. What so I do? If I call the police again he will be arrested again. I will lose all financial assistance (we have 3 small children). Again what do I do? I feel like I am a victim over & over again...How do I survive???

  • jade

    okay i dont really get why they would wanna hurt other people even though they didnt do nothing. It's not right!!! i think its mainly becuase when they were young like the child's age they remember and they just can't help it.. But yeah i needed to get that out there.. im 14 but none of this abusing has never happened to me but i know many friends and my mom. she never didnt what her stepdad did to her its awesome... but i do feel sorry for her cuz it happened when she was 3 to 17. the messed up part is that she told my grandma 4 times but she never listened. so it kept goin on.. i just wanna to say that.

    but i hope it never happens to my family again!!!!!!!!!

    Jade

  • family member

    I agree there is no excuse for abuse... NONE. I myself have never been abused, but my brother has been accused of domestic violence and child endangerment (spanking that left markings on his step daughter)... I never thought i'd be directly affected by an accusation such as this. I have never witnessed the alleged abuse but my brother has a hot temper and anger management issues. As his sister, i don't want to believe the accusations, however, I am also a realist and I dont put anything past anyone (not even a family member). He and I grew up together, but i moved out of state immediately after high school and continued my life's journey (only visiting for the holidays), he on the other hand, stayed in our small hometown and started a family. They barely make ends meet and his wife comes from a family where there was abuse in the home and she is in jail for violating parole on an issue she had with the law before meeting my brother... So, there's the background... Now, my question to you all is, how do i handle this situation? I am now living close to my hometown and I see my family often. This is an issue that i must confront. But i dont know what to say the next time i see him. He is going to trial and his 2 little girls and step daughter now live with my parents which is another stressful issue. If he did not do this, i will be on his side 100%, but if he did.. i dont know how i feel about the direction of our relationship if he is found guilty and how or what do i do during the days prior to his trial?

    Please .. any advice is welcome.. i ask that you refrain from attacking his character in your response. I love him and he has NOT been found guity of the accusations. Thank you.

  • Michelle

    I have a verbally abusive husband who was abused as a child himself. We have been together for 21 years, when will I have enough. I am told I am ugly, fat , bitch, I hate you! Etc and this is also done in front of my kids. There are forms of abuse on my kids too now he calls them name like cry baby, little girl and they are both boys. And will not give them a kiss before bed if they have made him mad. They will lay in there bed crying and he will not go give them a kiss. When is enough enough????

  • me

    OMG, Why would you subject yourself and your kids to that? Nothing will ever change, it only gets worse. You have nobody to blame but yourself, by allowing him to do that. Get out!

  • Anonymous-50

    I was looking up something about abuse as a child because my husband was. Not that he is abusive at all, I wanted to find out how to help him open up or organize thoughts when he is upset. He has problems explaining what he is feeling and I think it has to do with his past (and being a man, hehe) Anyway...

    Michelle...who the hell are you to talk to that person like that??? "you have no one to blame but yourself"...I will say it for the last writer **** You!

    People are in situations that I could never fully understand, let alone comfort them. And you have done nothing but abuse her yourself. She came here looking for help and you treat her the same as her husband! Why you don't you go take a chill pill and come back on after that!

    Anyway being in a abusive relationship is not an easy one to get out of, not in the least. Many women are stuck financially and/or have no family members to turn to. I feel sorry for those stuck, I hope one day you find your light at the end of the tunnel!

  • Anonymous-51

    The only person that can protect the children is that mother. She said herself "when will I have enough?" It should be enough that their psychological well being is at stake. That could cause them long term psychological issues.

    If it were for financial reasons...etc, she would have had enough, but feels trapped. She did not state that. I'm simply going by the context of her post.

    The point I was trying to make was, She is the only person that can change things. People treat you as you allow them to treat you. If you stand by and let abusers abuse, who else is to blame? Usually (not always) abusers don't change, but only get worse. She needs to take control back. I thought that was basic psychology.

  • Anonymous-51

    Not only is **** you abusive, but it's very childish.

  • SHARON

    My real name is Sharon (Not Frances).

    I wrote the following Articles which I posted onto this site:

    A) "The affects of Suffering From Abuse - Nov 12 2009"

    B) "Response to Verbal Abuse - Oct 30 2009"

    C) "Response to "Don't Want To Be Responsible - Oct 22 2009" and

    D) "Sharon's Survival of Abuse" - Parts 1-3.

    Further to the above, I am now ready to share another story and hope I can help someone turn their life around like I did.

    Two months after marriage, my health deteriorated. After rehabilitation and strong will to beat my health problem, I was faced with yet another BIG challenge.....

    I was subjected to crucial daily abuse - both morning & night and full days on week-ends. It never stopped. When I came out of hospital, the abuse was more and more constant.

    From the lowest point I turned my life back around and had STRONG SUPPORT. I made a POSITIVE decision to divorce and say NO to abuse.

    The important thing here is NEVER let anyone take away your spirit of who you are as a person ! Say NO to domestic violence.

    The first step is recognise it, decide what appropriate action to take and seek help.

    Live life to the fullest. A life is not lived if it's only half lived. Best of Luck.

    Sharon.

  • Sarah

    From the time i was 5 to the time I was 12, and moved to my dads, i was mentally, verbally physically and sexually abused. My step dad used to tell me that it was 'our little secret' and 'not to tell mommy or she would be mad at me'. I believed these things when I was young because I had no reason not to. He used to tell me i was a 'whimp' when i couldn't open a jar of something, he used to put me down in every way posssible. When I was 6 he started to pinch me on my legs. My councellor told me that this was a form of grooming, as in getting me used to him touching me. About a year later the pinching increased, this time it was on my inner thighs. Around another year later is when he started touching me. I have many horrible memories of many horrible days. But the bottom line is that I told someone, and you have to too. Someone is always there to help, and for me it was my dad and my best friend.

    Much thanks to the both of them.

  • Anonymous-52

    i am being mentaly abused by mi boyfriend, i find it so hard some times i am now depresed i dnt ever do my makeup i dnt go out i cant talk to any other men, i get quized every time i go out and thats why i dnt anymore. i never see my friends anymore, he would tel me if i am alloued to go out i am even made guilty wen family askes me. Also if i am not back for a sertin time all hell breakes loose, he has through things at me helld me down for no reason that deservers that he has never hit me... when i cry after he has been cheeky i am told i am a cry baby an to grow up and get a bit of back bone he dosnt lyk to see me cry so now i do it when hes not ther . i always feel as tho i can not do anything right. for example he tells me what to do all the time as in cleaning the house and i no that prob sounds silly but i am working a 56 hour week i have no time to myself and when i come home i clean then go to bed i am told that i am a lazy b****, iv no ambitchion to do anything when al i do is things for him and he never notices he wil always find something to have a go at me for yet he dose nothing to help an blames me for everything. he dose nothing rong n he is always right. He cals me horible manes and makes me feel realy low i feel lyk all he wants is lifted n layed. Weeks could go by and things are realy good sometimes months and then 1 day the comes home from work and he is a diferent man, i now cant be bothered with anything i can only explane him as jackel n hide a click of a finger and the man i love and adore is no longer ther, he feels bad after and appologises an tells me he shouldnt do what he dose n he dosent mean it or he would just act as if nothing hapened and then wonders why i am up set. i reali feel that he has problems and i wnt to help him but any time i confront him about the way he gets on and how it makes me feel its not him its me!! i have never met any1 lyk him and i honestlly have to say i dnt think he dosnt relises the way he speaks to me sometimes reali gets me down !!!!!!!!! i dont no how to help him as a person thats indnial is had to make listen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous-52

    how do i make things right in an abusive relationship without haveinh to break up??? i have no one to talk to!

  • Aleah

    I have a boyfriend and he hits me all the time. He beats, rapes, yells, slaps, and accuses me of cheating all the time. If he wants to have sex and i refuse he either rapes, or beat me until i give in. When i am looking or being accused of looking at another man he grabs me by the neck and slaps me in front of everyone, this makes me feel very embarressed. Please anyone reading this story help me out and tell me the right thing to do before it's too late.

  • ashlememphis

    If your bf is treating you that way, why are you still there? You know that it's not right. He rapes you and beats you. If someone else told you their bf was doing that to them I'm sure you would tell them to leave him. You need to care about yourself more than you care about him. Please leave him before he kills you.

  • curiousi

    Is it any surprise that the child most commonly referred to as…..

    Dinny dimwit

    Dopey dildock

    Stunod

    Stupid gupid

    Stupid

    Mala translation = bad) She said that’s what I should have been named.

    Mind like a sieve

    Good for nothing wretched witch.

    Found alcohol and pot as a place to escape. As a result of drinking. I was raped while I was passed out and unable to defend myself. I woke up in the middle of being raped. That experience shaped my life for many years.

    Then as a teenager I was known as……….

    Whure

    Party Girl

    Buton (puttana) that’s Italian for whore. My abysmally ignorant mother didn’t know the correct pronunciation.)

    Loose as a goose

    Comments were freely made about my physical features…...

    Uneven eyes

    Crooked Nose

    Bucky Beaver

    Narrow upper jaw.

    No waist

    High Ass

    Big feet

    Clem cadiddle hopper

    Baby voice

    Monotone voice

    Laugh

    Walk

    The way I dressed.

    My friends

    I was even criticized for eating too quickly.

    In spite of the many attempts made to kill my soul. I have prevailed and become incredibly self reliant . Developing into an adult that’s so self-reliant that I do not care what others think about me. Perhaps to my detriment…. That I am currently at this time in my life, very isolated. The isolation is also due in part to the fact that I moved to a suburban area where most people are married, limiting the amount of people to socialize with. In addition, the two people I was closest to have died within the past three years. My old friends that I did have lived over two hours away. But then we had a falling out so we no longer speak.

    Outside the home I was also bullied usually by older kids, bullying I’m sorry to say also followed me into the workplace. I’ve often worked in a male dominated setting. Not sure if that has any bearing on the situation.

    I guess people can sniff out a bleeding soul? Also, it’s probably my behavior. If I knew what I did to encourage bullying I’d stop right away. After reading and rereading what I’ve written. Maybe it’s not what I do but what I don’t do. I should probably strand up for myself from the onset. I usually let things ride hoping that they’ll stop on their own. I am physically tougher than most. And I suppose emotionally tougher too.

    At this time I feel particularly vulnerable to my Mothers verbal assaults. Since she is really the only person I have a relationship with at this time.

    I quit my job this summer because of illness, I had a severe bacterial infection that affected my liver. After that had a virus Hopefully, I’ll be getting another job soon enough.

    It goes without saying. I’ve made terrible choices in relationships with men.

    I’m still hopeful that I will meet a good man that I can love and that will love me.

    Most recent criticisms: from my mother

    Sick in the head

    Twisted

    Schizoid

    Crazy

    Friendless

    My eating habits: The amount of food I eat

    Wrinkles: I should have an eye job.

    Abnormal hearing: she claims my ears are ‘super sensitive’ (as it turns out, she went for a hearing test recently and was told she’s lost over 40 percent of her hearing)

    Eye Lashes: are sparse

    Weight: my weight is in fact proportionate to my height. My mother is the one w/ the weight issue. She is 5’4" weighing in at 200 lbs.

    When she talks to my dog about me she refers to me as, "your stupid mother".

    She tells me people will think I’m eccentric because of the way I dress.

    Her tirades and criticisms seem to bite more know than ever. When my sister was alive her venom seemed diluted since we’d roll our eyes or we’d talk about it.

    "You have no friends" is a barb thrown at me constantly. My older sibling and mother use this fact and hurl it at me like a weapon. As I mentioned earlier, the two people closest to me have died. It’s true , I am without friends at this time, due to circumstances beyond my control. I’m good, but I cannot prevent people from dying She constantly mentions that I don’t have friends in an attempt to hurt me. In a letter written to my mother by my older sibling. He also mentions the fact that, "you can count the number of friends she has on one hand, she’s a coward and should get over whatever happened to her when she was young" The friend part is is false, I don’t even have that many now. I realize it’s a situational thing and changeable in time.

    Their need for acceptance is much greater than mine. They seem more concerned about me not having friends than I do. Admittedly, it would be nice to have someone to do something with occasionally. Beyond that I’m ok with the way things are.

    My older sibling is 10 years my senior. He’s freely made derogatory comments about my physical appearance thruout my life. When I bring this up to my mother she say’s, "that’s what older brothers do."

    When I was 13 years old, that would have made him 23. I was sitting across from him at the breakfast table. Deciding, he didn’t like the look on my face (I was half-asleep) He beat me repeatedly on my head with his fist. Raising over 10 lumps on my skull caused by the ring he wore. It hurt like hell. I never mentioned this to my parents for he was the golden child.

    I knew not to confide in my bullies about being bullied. On another occasion, at the lake he pushed my head under the water and held me under against my will, I was six years old. I was frightened, gasping for breath and I choked on the water. As an adult, he struck me numerous times with the television remote again and again raising swollen lumps on my head. Strangely, I had blocked out the assault with the remote. I had recollection of it after my mother reminded me. Most recently, 3 year’s ago he pushed me out the living room back wards of a house we jointly owned. And then slammed the door in my face locking me out. The common theme here is unprovoked attacks. I was blindsided each and every time. If I had seen it coming I would have tried to defend myself. Second thought, that probably would have made the attacks worse. After the pushing incident, I decided not to speak to my brother. I have not spoken to him in three years.

    The other day my mother asked me, what must the neighbors think that you don’t speak to your brother? I don’t care what the neighbors think. I did not dignify her question with an answer.

    My parents both punished me physically with spankings or the belt.

    I recall one time in particular. I was in the bathroom shirtless and my mother hit me repeatedly with a leather belt on my back. At that moment, I knew how the slaves felt. The position I found myself in was more painful than the actual strapping. I felt frustrated and humiliated. I was unable to turn and defend myself because I was afraid of being hit in the face. Moreover, I was told "God would strike me dead if I raised a hand to my mother".

    On another occasion I was four or five steps from the bottom of the stairwell. She pushed me down the remaining steps causing me to fall down. When I attempted to get back up she stood on my hair and kicked me in my side several times, feeling absolutely defenseless, I was terror stricken.

    Another time, when I was 15 yo. I came home drunk. I honestly think someone spiked the two pony beers I had. My father proceeded to knock me around the kitchen, I was bouncing off the cabinets. He literally cleaned the floor with me. I vaguely remember my Mother screaming and pleading with him to stop. I went fetal and protected my face and head the best I could. Apparently, I had attempted to defend myself. The following morning I saw he had a small scratch on his face. I’m able to forgive my father for this. I understand he was bullied so I became his scapegoat. If I asked him for help with my homework and I didn’t grasp in immediately. He’s shout at me, Are you stupid?" over and over. Not exactly, an environment conducive for learning.

    As a result of my wildness, they threw me out when I was sixteen. I went to live with my boyfriend and his family. Approximately, a year later I moved out of his house and back in with my family because he struck me. His reason for hitting me was because I cheated on him.

    Once when my grandmother was babysitting me she washed my mouth out with soap and my lip got caught on my buckey beaver tooth causing my lip to bleed. I don’t remember what I said. To draw blood was excessive.

    When I told my mother many years later about what gram had done. Her response was, "oh I didn’t know she did that" and "you probably deserved it".

    Recently, I mentioned to my mother the time she beat me with the belt. I was surprised she didn’t deny it. She actually said, " you remembered that?".

    The only person in my immediate family who did not physically assault me was my sister. She’s dead now. Three years gone February 2010.

    I’ve lost the sanest person I knew. Ironically, she died of Pick’s Syndrome, a disease that affects your memory. Maybe she tried too hard to block things out. I don’t know if she was verbally or physically abused when she was younger. But when she became ill, she moved back home (with resistance). My mother did speak to her very abusively. As noted by the neighbor,. I know it took great patience to deal with my sister when she was ill. But many times my mother was unnescerally nasty and to say she was short on patience would be an understatement. The screaming was constant.

    As a teen my sister had ‘cut’ her legs up and down. Being much younger than my sister I don’t remember the cutting. My mother mentioned this to me a few year’s ago.

    To this day, I wonder what was bothering her.

    In the wake of one of my mother’s rants.My sister said, "mom wasn’t always like this." My cousin whom I was very close to. Advised me I’d be better off far away from my mother. At the time I thought her sentiment was disloyal. But now after so many years. I understand she was right.

    It’s very important to my mother to portray the ‘family’ as perfect,above reproach. From the way we talk, walk and especially dress. She’d always say, "you’re a reflection on the family". Recently, she accused me of discussing my older sibling and the fact that I don’t speak to him with a friend/neighbor.

    I was told not discuss family matters with anyone. To do so would be disloyal. Not to confide in anyone at anytime was the message. I was warned she’d, "never speak to me again." In retrospect, maybe that would have been a good thing.

    No one would have believed me if I had told them what was going on in my house. My brother and sister were straight A students. My sister was very pretty and a good student. Pretty enough to enter a beauty contest. My sister left for college when I was four and my brother left for college when I was eight. I belive things went from bad to worse after they left.

    One time when I was young, I was outside playing with two friends who were brothers. They said, "My father is better than your father, you’re father is no good" and they continued to repeat it over and over. They seemed shocked when I did not reply. They said, _ _ _ _ _ why aren’t you saying anything back? And my reply was, you’re probably right, my mother say’s the same thing about my father. Now I realize that’s just a game kids play. When looking back on my reply, it’s kinda sad. Another time a neighbor inquired as to how I was doing. And I thought they had asked after my brother. As everyone asked all the time about my brother. So I started to give them the most up to date status on my brothers affairs. They said, I didn’t ask about _ _ _ _, I asked about you. My reply was, "It doesn’t matter how I’m doing". They were very nice about it. They tried to convince me that it did matter how I was doing, I couldn’t be swayed.In looking back I see I was so thorougly brain washed into believing that I was no good and unworthy of mention. I also feel badly about not defending my father to the two brothers. I never saw him defend himself or me against my mother. Ultimately, he died of a stroke due to high blood pressure.

    I just want to clarify, I was not beaten all the time. The things mentioned above are certainly the bulk of the beatings. I think what was more damaging was the verbal abuse, which was constant. And still goes on to this day.

    I have started talking. I call a mental health talk line and speak anonomously. I’m playing by new rules, " Where physical abuse, verbal abuse and criticism of any kind don’t have a home. Because Love lives in me. I have right to be here. I think I’m ok the way I am. I’d like to reach the point and say I know I’m ok the way I am. I find it so difficult to deal with my mother. Thinking about starting therapy to learn how to set boundaries.

    Managed to have an argument with her today. That was carried over from a week ago. I’ve been keeping my distance. I live in a small town everyone loves to make up stories. Two years ago I had a medical procedure. Word on the street was that I had died. Needless, to say some were surprised when I was up and walking. I know exactly who started the rumor: I ‘ve asked my mother never to discuss me again with those people. Well, what she did was run down to their house and apprise them of my current situation involving travel. I’m sure it will come back in a much-shaded version of the truth. She couldn’t understand why I was upset. As I was expressing my shock and disbelief at what she had done, the screaming started. She yelled at me and of course made mention that I have no friends. I left the house. As a result I kept my distance for the week and only went there today because I had to. I confronted her about sharing my personal info with other people, which caused more screaming she accused me of trying to give her a stroke.

    I remained calm and inquired as to why she couldn’t speak in a normal tone of voice. I told her to keep it down and she’s not to yell at me anymore. Then she turns around and accused me of yelling at her. Who’s crazy.

  • Deborrah Cooper

    I happened upon this site accidentally and was horrified to see so much abuse happening. I can totally identify with the young lady that posted about online abusers, because I have personal experience with that behavior. It's as if some men believe they have the right to denigrate and insult women, calling us vile names, insulting our bodies (that they've never seen!), our looks (that they've never seen), careers, opinions, etc. It seems that our culture of misogyny embraces this negativity towards women, so the perpetrators go unpunished. :(

    There are two excellent shows on Blogtalk on the subject of abuse. One is tonight with Dr. Katherine van Wormer, authof of "Death by Domestic Violence - Preventing the Murders and Murder-Suicides" and the other is on Wednesday, December 9th "Why Do I Love a Man That Hurts Me?" with former Los Angeles prosecutor Robin Sax and Patricia Evans, psychotherapist and author of "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and "The verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?"

    If you are interested in either or both shows they can be found on the index at www.blogtalkradio.com/askheartbeat.

    Stay strong.

  • Amy

    I agree.

  • Anonymous-53

    My one family member could not believe my father was a 'totally diiferent person than she or his brother knew then'. We have a father' exactly as the poster said about the 'father' being so happy in front of others and so unhappy and abusive at home..he would pick lint off of my mothers clothes and tell her u look like a (bum, degnerate) in an ugly tone ,.. for invisible lint.. where is the dr. here to let us know what is that about?! What mental illness is that?!

  • Anonymous-54

    Im sixteen years old and im mentally abused by my boyfriend. Please email me and help me.

  • Santa Ross

    Abuse of any kind is wrong. To post comments anonymously is a form of support. The abused need to have an outlet in order to speak without being censored by the abuser. Many abusers might act like they care about you and your feelings, but in all actuality the truth is that they just do not have the ability to care about anything or anybody but themselves or who they think may be beneficial to their cause. Themselves! If at anytime you are afforded the opportunity to leave. GO. Don't look back to get sucked into that insane state of existing. God be with you.

  • Anonymous-55

    My friend is 19, His father beats him for very weird and stupid reasons(he is living with his father because he doesn't have anything else to go to and he said he just wants to fix the problem with his dad)! He doesn't talk about it much, nor does he know what to do to fix the problem with his father, but he said that he wanted to be with me as a couple and that his family celebrated christmas on saturday, so he was coming here for christmas, a few hours later I found out his father and him got into a fight and his father beat him badly, I think the fight was over me!! I feel horrible, now he won't talk to me! He has mentioned to me that he thinks that he will just join the army, so he will have a place to go and so that he can do something great with his life( even though I think him just being here alive makes this world a better place, and his life is great), but he won't even come see or call me before he goes, if he desides. Then I found out last night he was at his ex's, but he texted me and said nothing was going to happen!! I don't blame him for going there and for running to what is formular, but I want to talk to him!! and tell him that I understand(which I do, my mother used to beat on me, when she was on drugs, but I never told him before, and I don't want him to think that I'm just making it up to get him back!! Truthfully I just want him happy, and safe! I don't know if I want him to be my boyfriend but I do know I want him as a friend!! It seems to me that I have a lot going on and so does he, with relationships, life, and love!!! I guess I'm asking anyone who has any true advice to email me @ apasonlyone@aol.com with that advice with my problem, as well as his, on life, love, fixing the problem with his father, and anything in this message, maybe you should even contact him@ mad_man_2069@yahoo.com and help him!! please anyone that has true advice and not just a comment, I'm here for help, not just your opinion! htnak you anyone who is able to help, during this hard time!

  • Raquel paulk

    to give some advice dont let your friend go throught all that give him some help or tell him to call child service. i understand he has no where else to go but he doesn't need that in his life because that can effect him really bad he can start beaten up on women.

  • Anonymous-56

    Your friend is a grown man. Unless he chooses to press charges there is no legal action you can take that will make a difference. Encouragement, understanding, love, hope, and many hours of disscussion may help him realise his idea of changing his father is folly. Just don't turn your back on him.. Good luck

  • Anonymous-57

    im sorry for everybody out there who is getting abused and one day i hope you find a way out of your problem god bless you all!!!!!!!!!!

  • ariel

    im ariel and im 13. my dads best friend in the whole wide world that they have known and worked together since they were little sexually abuses me. he said if i told my dad that he wouldnt believe me. im afraid to tell my dad. plz email me any advice that you have

  • Kaylynne

    Hello Ariel. Right now you feel like you are in a really tough situation, because you are scared of anything that may happen because of what you decide to do.

    I can imagine myself in your situation and my dad's friend telling me that. But my dad would definatly do something about it and i bet yours would too. TELL him please...things can get much much worse if you do not. if you think your dad will not help you which i think He will! find another and another person close to you to tell. make sure you do not stay in this situation.

  • Persil

    I am pleased to say though,I made up with my mother,but what the other family members have done,they can go and suck themselves,they have behaved appallingly.My elderly mother is getting on and is in a care home,I entertain her on a monthly basis,I don't blame her for everything,but I am her daughter and I love her very much,its a case of,its family member problems of their own,if they can't get over it,I have done nothing wrong.But love my mum and one brother and my children.

  • kasandra

    i am addicted to being abused

  • sarah

    i think it is wrong to do that to childs they did't do anything to have to go thow this. i what to make a diffent in this kids life i really fell sorry for the kids that die of being abuse

  • STDL

    Dearest Ariel, my most sincere concern for what you must be going through at this time. However, you must make yourself strong and bold to overcome this temporary setback in your life. You are 13 yrs of age and still considered a minor. You are not the mature one in this situation and you did not cause this molestation/abuse to happen. Your father's "make believe friend" is not a true friend as he would like people to believe. Otherwise he would not have done what he did, to cause heartbreak to your father and those most dear and close to his heart. Furthermore, who knows what other children he has abused besides yourself? You are most familiar with your father's temperament. If he is quick tempered, first, maybe you should confide in someone you can trust: your church pastor/priest, school teacher, or call Child Protective Services or dial Crisis Hotline and provide them with all necessary details as to his name, etc. It is up to you to help stop this predator or he will continue. I will keep you in my prayers!

    s

  • bre

    If you love yourself enough you wil get help when abuse occurs never wait until a couple years later, even if people don't believe you. anger engulfs you with madness, but love consumes you with understanding

  • NEVER bEEN aBUSED

    i have never been abused, but fr those who are bieng fought/pshycally absed i say whe the man/woman is out leave him without him knowing, or call the police,also with sexual abuse YOU CAN SAY NO , So say no to it, mental abuse, let the abuser know that you know what they are doing to you, they wont feel so smart anymore!

    idk how bieng abused is but this is what id do

  • Anonymous-58

    Ariel, please tell your dad or your mother, whoever you think will believe you. If they don't believe you go to child protection services. It's a difficult thing to do but you have to be strong and protect yourself from this man. They are many people willing to help if they know your story. Don't be afraid. Dont let him manipulate you like that. He thinks you are weak but proof him wrong. Make him pay for what he did to you.

  • Anonymous-59

    I too have grown up with abuse. My father was abusive to my mother, sister, and I. When I get mad I want to bad to punch someone in the face, and for the first time last week I did, eventhough it was for a good reason, I know I shouldn't have. I am only 16 and I am trying so hard to control my temper, but at times I can't. My family blames it on the German, but I think it's mainly caused from the abuse.

  • hicks

    just realized after 12 yrs that I was being mentally abused and the abuser as well was abused by his father and abused his mother. Also this lead to an antisocial disorder. I hurt but because due to the numbness of his feelings He is not remorseful at all. to God be the glory I have started counciling

  • Anonymous-60

    For all those people out there that have been abused i feel horrible that you have ...i mean ive never been abused so idk how it feels but one thing you should kno is stay strong no matter how many times they hurt you...just think about it when your old and you die you can get away from it and live in heaven and be FREE!!

  • Anonymous-61

    Finally i have left and cannot keep digging and digging to see if i am right to have done so and also the abusive relationship caused me to say things i never wanted to in trying to stick up for myself and in my confusion. I fell less than what i am and this sickens me more than what he did or said...............I want to forgive myself

  • hicks

    Almost a month and a half I still feel pain. I will be glad when this is in the past.

  • Anonymous-62

    I got out of a horrible relationship about 5 yrs ago and did not let myself heal long enough and seem to be in the same sort of relationship. I wish I saw it happening sooner. Advice to others. . .do not be in a hurry to find another companion, take the time to heal.

  • Anonymous-63

    This fits my ex "narcissistic sociopathy" and it's likely he had someone else. (I couldn't prove it.) I ended up snapping in the end and he didn't showed any remorse. I didn't have support of people I thought were friends and he had the complete things under his control.

    This is something he has been doing for others for years. To take the attention off himself he "rats" out other people, provokes them to angry, etc. And then tries to turn it around on him.

    He usues projective identification a lot. He suffers from drug and alcohol problems and no one sees it and he places the blame on others.

    He got away with physically abusing me because he knew I was emotionally involved in the end and I cared and loved him.

    I've notice this is what they wait for-for the person to begin to love or care about them first so they can have control over everything.

    It's been 6 months and I'm still not better. (I've quit everything I was doing and still doing things like it would please him.) I wasn't able to get justice either and in the area I live in...they don't care. The only thing an officer said to me is "how do you feel now". They don't care because his parents live in the area and he finally got his CPA. (So, it makes these people "nice".)

  • Joe

    Its really dificult living with some one who is abusive and only abstract friends and contacts who I can go to as a last resort, tempararally.

    The shared buisness is taking a turn where stock is disapearing and now that is being pinned on my forhead, along with everything else, the result of defending my family members and besides saying that I didnt do it, there is, apearently nothing that I can do about it.

    My attempts to distanse myself, is also being completly torpedo'ed, by these same people, once again, I can do nothing about it.

    Money that I have invested, is at risk of being taken, currently my only hand outa here.

    Its safe to say, dont go into buisness with family, in the end, its not economic, in my case, it turned into a burden, pretty much on every one, Interests change, and inevitebly situations can turn very bad and sour.

    I dont know what I would have done if I didnt run across this well laid out information.

    Also, it felt like a 5 min distraction, where my mind became clear and I could see clearly as I wrote this.

    The 5 out of 6 patarns fit.

  • LaShon Anderson

    I have a 9 yr. old daughter who was abused by her father who is in the Navy, also his wife that works or Red Cross and the wife's grandmother in VA. Nobody seems to care I have been all around to agencies like DYFS and wrote to the big people. All I get is that I can not help you what the hell!!!!!!!!

  • Claire

    My name is Claire, growing up I was physically,mentally and verbally abused by my father, he would beat me for ANY little thing I would do. As a little girl you are scared,terrified of the words the hits and now till this day I'm 24yrs old and when speaking about it, it still makes me break into tears. I cry like a little girl when I remember. Growing up wasn't easy I ran away at the age of 15 because I couldn't take my fathers treatment anymore. Running away with who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I was wrong. I ran away with the guy who was my boyfriend at the time. I ended up in the same situation, he would beat me, and even chocked me twice, i dont know if his intentions were to kill me while choking me but why else would u choke someone right? Im emotionally hurt by all of this. I don't know how to overcome it. Eventhough I try not to let it bother me at times or even think about it, it's still very fresh in me and its affecting my relationship with other people. How can I cope with this?be a better person? eventhough I think i am going to be left with this scar for the rest of my life...........sadly

  • Anonymous-64

    im only 17 and ive been abused since i was around 3 yrs old. my father is crazy. me, my siblings, my mother...we all were beaten. i remember seeing my dad hit my elder brother with a shovel twice in the back. i was 5 then, that wouldve made my brother 8 at that time. ive went through many many beatings in my life. too many for a teenager. my mother wasnt and still isnt a very good person. she cares about image only. me and my elder brother were the ones who got the brunt of all the abuse. our mom hated us and showed it, all because we didnt want what she wanted. we are both very smart, straight a students surprisingly enough. thats the only thing shes ever been happy with when it came to me and him. i think my dad beat me and him the most because we were big enough to take it and because we were his actual kids. he liked using my hair as a hand-hold so i couldnt get away, id get my face slammed into the table, the wall, the fridge, etc. hes hit me with a golf club across the back before. that was recently. i have a herniated disk in my lower back because of his excessive abuse. i have a dent in my left shin where he hit me with a metal pipe one time. ive had to miss many days of school because of him. too many black eyes and a bruised face. my dad has put me through so much physical and emotional abuse. sometimes i feel like ill go mad and kill myself or something. he gave me a hickie when i was in the 3rd grade and to this day he still talks about it like its one of his favorite past times. its horrible, he makes derogatory comments about my chest, my butt, my figure, anything. my family has had many many court visits over this and they have done nothing. im so angry all the time over this, and i feel like thats the only emotion i have left. its like my parents have drained me dry. i dont feel human anymore. im really not sure how to handle this, usually i just hold it in and just push my way through life. i do the best i can and i try so hard to make them happy. its crazy, but i still love my parents. i do know though, that because of my experiences i want to be a psychologist. i want to help people like me.

    i still resent my mother. she stayed with my father for the first 9 yrs of my life and never put a stop to the abuse, she didnt care...the only reason she left him was because she found a man that actually had money and for some reasoin liked her. not even six months after they married i got to witness him putting a screwdriver to her neck. i had to call the police. i had just turned 10.

    a few other things that have happened: i had four prong marks on my hand from where my dad stabbed me with a fork, it hurt so damn much and he just sat there and laughed. i hit him back once. he smacked me across the face(i hate that with a passion)i just snapped and the next thing i knew i was delivering a nice right hook to the side of his face. i will NEVER hit him again. that night was hell. he didnt touch my face. he kicked me repeatedly in the stomach, back, ribs. i was kicked back and worth across the kitchen floor. he made me go to school the next day. it hurt soo bad to move. i was 15 and i had honors classes, which means big books, i had to carry everything all over campus. youd think id painted my stomach black, purple, and some other weird color if you saw it. he calls me names all the time too. whore, bitch, worthless, useless, stupid. according to him ill never make it anywhere in life because im such a failure. i have very low self-esteem. he told me i was ugly when i was little, it stuck. he never makes derogatory comments about my face, just my body. im told im pretty and gorgeous all the time but i just cant seem to make myself believe it...

    id really appreciate some kind of advice.

  • Anonymous-65

    Dear 17, thank you so much for your honesty and not giving up on reaching out. My advise is this, stay alive and get out! Go to college, far away from your family, live on campus, work if you need to but get out and far away. Don't be afraid, don't let fear paralize you, you are smart for a reason, this is a gift, a gift to get you out, join the military if you have to but get out. Don't be in a situation where you ever have to depend on your parents again. Cut yourself loose from this abusive cycle. You dont owe them anything, and although the state does not see it, they have lost their rights to you already. Just continue to get good grades and then get out on your own for yourself. Go to anyone you feel safe with if you need to, finish school and get far away and don't let them know where you are or at least get far enough away that it will be really hard for them to get to you. i don't know if you have distant relatives out of state, someone you know is safe from you childhood, but do what you can and use your instincts and PRAY. You will need it and I will pray for you. I did this, I left home but not until 21 and didn't look back for years. I went on to finish college and graduate school and now happily married, but it took a lot of healing while I was in college, when I was finally safe enough to let the walls down, but it happened, I still have my self esteem issues, but was finally able to say I was beautiful without fear or shame. You are a gift to the world, what other reason would they try so hard to crush you? but you have made it this far and I pray that you keep on, holding on until you find a safe place and time. Working through this will make you so much of a help to others, don't give up, there are people out there who really care. Once I got out, many more people were put in my path to help me on my way to healing. It only came for me when I released the guilt enough to go away and make my own life on my own without the constant fear and criticism. It is amazing what you can acccomplish when you are out from under such oppression. I am thinking and praying for you. Peace, someone out there on the path ahead.

  • Anonymous-66

    the nicest man you could meet and suddenly my worst nightmare for trivial reasons eg if i phone he tells me im mithering but if i dont phone because out of signal im unfeeling coz he worried. tells me my work colleagues call me so i keep myself to myself tells me my friends call me .i lost my first husband of 23 years but even though i loved him and we had a son the last year he had drink problems its got to be me i,m worthless and ruin peoples lives whats the point only my son

  • Anonymous-64

    thank you for your advice, i really appreciate it. i havent believed in god for the longest time, but i think ill try to.

    to all the rest of the people on here leaving their stories, im only 17 but please dont dismiss my advice just because of my age. ive been through a lot and im smart, im very mature and responsible for my age. first, im very proud of myself and all of you for actually trying to get advice and talking about it. if youre being abused, ive found that it helps to make myself believe that im going to be better than them. im going to go so much farther in life than they did because im better. theyre pathetic, beating on those smaller than them because they need to feel better about themselves, they want that power over you. dont give it to them. they can hit you all they want, but theyre not going anywhere, and you are. im going to college, im going to be successful and be my own person. and most importantly, im going to be away from everything and everyone that has ever hurt me. im gong to heal. so just believe that youre 100 times better than the ones who abused you, becasue you are. its hard, at least it was for me, but its worth it. you'll feel so much better about yourself. you'll know that everytime they call you a failure or worthless that theyre lying. like i said, please dont dismiss what isay because im 17 and dont know what its like to stress about bills or my career. but i do know how it feels to be beaton down again and again.

  • I want to die

    I was abused by my mother. She was and still is an alcoholic. I don't get why she hit me and would call me names. I guess it was just me being stupid but all i can think of is killing my self because honestly i cant take it!

  • Anonymous-67

    I think every country should ban corporal punishment on children. It's not better than what we read in the newspapers everyday how dictatorship governments threat prisoners.

  • becca

    I'm a social worker and just breaks me into tears to know young children are going through this. Getting beat up, getting sexual touched and being threatened not to let anyone is a lie!!you CAN tell someone. they're just saying it to keep you scared. they know if they get caught they will go to jail right away. don't be scared! Tell you Teacher, she'll help you as soon as possilble. NO ONE is ever allowed to touch your body!! You dont belong to anyone. its called being assaulted. Thats against the law. Don't protect them because they're obviously not protecting YOU. CALL or tell somebody NOW....!!!!!! Dont be scared. nothing is scarier than what your going through right now. !!!!

  • Alexa

    child abuse makes me so sad..cause I Love children

  • carol

    Abuse is a terrible thing to happen to anyone,but especially a child who did not ask to be brought into this world.I see it on the news daily and my heart cries for those so innocent and young.

  • John

    My Mother died when I was 6 my Father remarried, my Stepmother physically and mentally abused me. I talked to my Father and he said " I know life can be tough when you turn 18 you can leave home". The physical and mental abuse continued, my Stepmother loved drama and turmoil going on all the time. Life at home was about family division, punishment with out love she never once said I love you. I was whipped across the back with a electric coffee pot cord I was beaten across the back with a wooden breadcutting board I was told by my Stepmother that I made her so mad that she wanted to beat me in the head with a hammer until blood spurts out. It was a great feeling after I graduated from high school got a job and was able to finally leave home. Several years later my father had open heart surgery and was in intensive care for 4 months and on a ventilator almost died my Stepmother told the rest of the family members that if they me about this that they would never be able to speak to my Father again.

  • Luis

    my comment is that my brother would always abuse me by grabbing me and thowing me the floor and hitting me with black and blues now im 13 and this is continuing and its giving me marks like crazy and he would do it for no reason too i make a little tapping noise for like about three time and he would go crazy saying thats annoying and another way of he punishing me is causing my money to waste he would cut the wires of my xbox 360 so i wont play xbox live im guessing that no one loved him then when his friends come the walk all over me too but one day imma show them no matter when

  • karen

    i met this man who i fell in love with. why? idk. he never gave me anything but pain and heartache. I "dated" him for four years. I always had a sneaking suspicion that something was going on with his "best friend" Angie. she was always there, would spend the nite, etc. they both always denied it, made me out to be crazy! Oh, she had a "bf" too but something was fishy about that too. Jay would always twist everything to his benefit. always denials, things "never happened", (like I imagined watching him leave in her truck!), he wasnt going to be "accused" of something he wasnt doing. after a lot of drama, pain, suspicion, lies and downright F*** you's, we split.

    after we split, i found out all kinds of "pieces to the puzzle". he was a sexual deviant, angie was his active sex partner for 15 yrs., they engaged in all kinds of meetups with strangers, he was a cross dresser and liked men as well as women., drugs - lots and lots of drugs over many years. i found out all of this via internet. hours and hours of obsessed searching - then they would send me clues in emails. it has been a nightmare! the person i "loved" didnt even exist! everything that he told me over FOUR years was a lie. it was the exact OPPOSITE of what really was going on or how he really felt. all the while, he was filming our sex life via webcam/cameras in his bedroom. didnt figure any of this out until after it was all over.

    my gut feelings were confirmed when i got an invite to watch his webcam. there he was having sex with his best friends bf!! he turned his head slightly so i could make out his profile (like i didnt already recognize his body) and then turned away from the camera. it was an in ur face - GOTCHA!!

    i know i have been quite a source of amusement for the 3 of them. they are sick and twisted people who relish in hurting and humiliating people for their sick entertainment.

    i am a mid-40's divorced mother of 4. my marriage of 12 yrs was over and i fell in love - waaaaay tooo fast! in love, or so i thought. love does not hurt, love does not make u question ur own sanity, love does not make u walk around for 2 weeks barely able to function - all the while tryin to maintain so ur kids wont see. but they knew and the could feel.

    i'm DONE, FINISHED with him, her and him! i am soooo crushed and humiliated that i will NEVER trust another man again in MY LIFE! He has completely destroyed me for another man. to have four years of lies - FOUR? what was i to him - just a piece of ass - ok - but for FOUR years! that's sick!!

    he came from an abusive home, dad was an alcoholic who i hear could be really mean. maybe mom didnt take up for him - idk. he did tell me once that his dad never told him he loved him and that he blamed him for everything that went wrong.

    I just needed to vent - my friends are sick of hearing about it - so i dont talk about it anymore with them. i dont talk about it all but to myself.

    i am a religious person and i can hear God telling me what to do and i listened. but the aftermath is devastating. i have become a bitter woman - any man that comes near me or says anything "flattering" -- i take with a grain of salt and mutter under my breath, liar.

    what i cant figure out is the amount of work that they had to do on the computer and the time put into hurting someone - why? what kind of people are these that can run around and have sex w/strangers (swingers), cross dress and masturbate on webcam every nite of the week! do drugs and try to ruin people's lives! what is sad is that he has 2 kids at home. they need to be protected but with his history - he is too self absorbed - he is the one that knows everything and all come to him to ask what to do. he is a NOBODY! but in his mind he is as God-like as he can get! more satan-like - i would say!

    i dont ask prayers for me or for them - all these kids involved. mine r out of the mix and r quite well adjusted. i'm not sure what his kids have seen or walked in on - idk. but they are the kind of kids that will tell - so far nothing has come out. (their mom is a drug addict and he and angie got rid of her by really throwing it to her and making her look worse than what she is! and yes, they all had sex together too - i guess you have to be with both of them not just him!) NOT ME!! I'm gone - i feel better away from him, but these leftover feelings eat me up some days!

    thank you for letting me pour my heart out. i hope they dont find this cause i will really be in for it then. Angie is a computer wiz - you never know.

    we are good - we have lots of love to give - we are worthy to be loved - we are NOT CRAZY!

    karen

  • beingfree

    I don't understand why they abuse. I understand it.s control, but how can they rationalize convince themselves it is ok. ....I have been escaping since age 7. I had to climb out a window , sneak around buildings to get to the car with my mother. One of her friends was trying to stab her. I have had both eyes black. Child abuse was called by the school because I always had bruises. I was told never to speak about things in the family. I was put outside in the pouring rain, or whenever my mothers friend didn't want me around. I would go to the storage shed or a friends hallway to stay dry. My one friends mother discovered I kept. sitting in her hallway. She pryed out the truth. I couldn't go home or I would be beaten. Long story short. My friends mom talked to my mother. Then the lies, at that point I gave up. I became an alcoholic and drug addict....Believe me it made everything worse. I am recovered now 20 + years. But I was always attracted to angry men after. Now mid 40's. I am married 12 years and my spouse is cruel and inhumane. His father was a ss Nazi. Now he is in a nursing home. I reported it to a Jewish .org web after I left my husband. The abuse was so bad this time, but non physical untill the end he shioved me twice. What's next death ? They do follow the cycle outlined , and he was a great con job man. But now I am far away physically. But still worry he will someday show and blow off my head.

  • being free

    One relationship I had with a vietnam vet. He had a gun in every room. first the verbal attacks, then the caracter assination, always everything I had bad motives, Everything I did was wrong or should know better. everything my fault....I was suppose to be born with all the knowledge of the world I guess, and I must have alot of power to make you do things....So like maybe I am God.....Please....I had to escape, he held me hostage for 2 days after he took my keys and beat me up.I wasn't leaving my child either. So I had to pretend everything was ok, and yes it was my fault, he was right. Then I escaped by doing laundry. All his clothes I took out and my baby clothes clean and dirty, mine as well I put in laundry baskets in the car. I also packed all important papers, jewlery in diaper bags nand through them out the window behind the house. Non visable to anyone. I left , and as soon as it got dark I got my diaper bags behind the house. I never went back. He threatened to blow my head off with an AK 47. I was scared. It took me a week to go to the police. They arrested him, made him do anger management, then just slapped his hand. I had bruises everywhere and my neck where he tried to choke me. I stayed in a shelter until I got my own place. But I always was looking around and behind me. Well he found a new victum and left me alone. He died of something, but what ? I don't know. Social Sec. informed me my child was due benefits.... I am glad he is dead, the world is one less abuser. But now I'm still looking around, but just another guy. I am done with village idiots, cowards that wouldn't do these things to other men, just women and children. Be a man challenge other men. In my opinion the male abusers are whimps. I pray for us all. Report it , so they have a record, eventually they will be off the streets and no threat to innocent women and children. Especially children. An assault is an assault period. It should not be something different just because it's family. I call it violence, and it shouldn't be sugar coated and minimized. Look at the dead ones now minimize it again so your not bloodguilty. Really our society needs to wake up.

  • hope it stops

    if u are being abused by your partner, leave him/her!!!!!!!!! u may love them but if they r abusing u they don't seem to love u!!!!!!!! u can always fall in love again and again but don't stay with him/her and let them0 ruin u!!!!!!!!! ur strong to say no and leave even if u have to leave when there gone and don't tell them sneak out go somewhere anywhere just get out be fore it's too late!!!!!!!!!!!!! pleaseeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • In the middle

    I am in love with my boyfriend who might soon be my future fiance'. Our relationship is great overall. We love each other very much and he has proved to me how committed he is and how much he is there for me. What troubles me though is that for the past couple months, we have been stressed over our minds. Our arguments have escalated to the point where there was a lot of verbal, mental, and the last thing that happened was physical abuse. After all that has happened, he was crying and extremely sorry and couldn't believe what he did. His mother always raised him to "hit back no matter what, even if it was a woman". He was raised with that mindset, as well as his whole family was abusive. He was beat up by his parents, his brothers, and even sexually molested by other people when he was young. Most of his relationships with other girls are consisted with them cheating on him, or doing him wrong.

    When he met me, he knew that I was different. That's why he fell in love with me and I have goals in life that I want to achieve. I have also been in somewhat abusive relationships while dating but I got through it. I was going to leave my current boyfriend if he wasn't going to seek help for himself. It's been about two weeks since the last physical incident. I threatened to leave him if he ever does it again. EVER. I am still planning to take a short vacation back home and see where we are when I come back. I think this gave him a wake-up call that he does need help, and that what he's doing isn't normal because of the way he grew up. Not to mention he's in the military and has been in war. He's seeking a counselor/therapist and anger management class. and when we're together we are seeking couple counseling.

    He's a good guy at heart and I want the best for him and me. I really want this to work out. Are there such things as second chances when both are willing to try? I hope so. Can this be salvaged?

  • Anonymous-68

    If you have ever been abused, this will make sense. When a child is young, there are four "facets" of themselves that develop: thinking, sensate (pain, tickle, etc.), emotion, and I forget the other one. Anyway, when they are controlled by others as a child, they do not fully develop any of these facets except thinking. Instead, they develop a "persona" to hold all of the other facets. When they become adults they anchor this persona into someone they trust. This trusted person then becomes an extension of themselves and that is literally what they "see" this trusted person as. When the trusted person doesn't look like their own "persona", they are very threatened. This is why abusers are always "selfish" - noone really exists but them. See a book by Patricia Evans called "The controlling person". If you ever suspect you are entering into an abusive relationship, BACK OFF IMMEDIATELY. It will never get better unless the abuser goes through massive amounts of phsyco therapy to re-integrate their "persona" into themselves.

  • Anonymous-69

    I think some of the worst abuse is missed in our culture. What a bout mental abuse. In work, club, family and freindships. Situational cases where people become suppressed for any reason and can then not give there best. Often times spurred along by people that have to have the perception of being right or somehow better off when in truth they are hurting people and setting up false victories in almost all that is going on. The suppressed somehow keep caring and supporting the suppressers never being lifted up themselves. So when there is a melt down be it anger, frustration, change of faith, drugs, alchohol or violent behavior everyone involved has lossed out. Shut off the damn TV and pick yourselves up and go to what angers you. It does not have to be broadcasted in a public option to be fixed for the better.

  • Anonymous-70

    I was abused by my dad since I was probably four years old along with my three brothers. I thought that it was normal to be called stupid or a whore or a slut and also to be hit when I was younger. My mother somehow was completely oblivious to my dads abuse although she was a very loving mother and always took good care of us until she worked at a job where she had to travel. Those were days of hell. I am the oldest and my brother was the second oldest. We were treated like objects to my father, we would be doing nothing wrong and sometimes our dad would come in the room and start hitting us. I could not understand his behavior, I thought it was just normal for dads to do that. We would be lifted by our throats or our hair, thrown into walls, whipped on the back with his belt, or he would try to burn us with boiling water. When I was five, a neighbor molested me, I told my dad because I knew that it was wrong and I was beaten until I felt like I couldn't speak. I never told him anything about being sexually abused after that and it took me years to finally admit I was raped. We were always afraid to come home from school and sometimes talked about just running away. I became diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 14, I had extremely low self esteem, I saw no hope for the future and I felt like I deserved everything that came to me. My dad was also diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder. And the more I read into it the more I realized how selfish he really was. I understood why he treated us like objects. I still hate my dad to this day although we still talk. But it took me years to realize that the abuse was not my fault. I had no control over it and the only thing that I can do about my past is learn from it and create a better future to prove him wrong about me. Each of my brothers still have their own problems, but out of the experience we are still adjusting well into adulthood.

  • lisa

    i do not know what to do my 21year old son is verbally abusing me on a daily basis i can not take it anymore i am undergoing tests at the hospital and he shouted to me yesterday what ever it is i hope you die from it he calls me horrible names like bitch etc calls me a scruffybastard even thow my home is very clean im on edge all the time because of this some one please give me some advice i feel like ending it all just for sum peace this as been going on for a long time now im 42 and feel such a failure

  • AMIE-LEIGH

    i think that abusers should get life in jail!! why can people sit there and back them up? there sick in the f*cking head! my best friend was sexually physically and mentally abused from the age of 4! i see most of it happen and to be honest i think its absolutely disgusting!!! i had to sit there and listen to her sobbing as she scrubbed herself raw in the bath!! he got away with it up untill she was 16, i begged and begged her to tell some1 but she wouldnt! untill one day i told my mum and we have gave her so much support in the past 2 years but the dirty bastard still got none guilty!! how can this possibly happen?? i am now doing a project at college to do with child abuse i want justice!! its not fair!!

  • Adtzirithxoxo

    7 Years Old I Was. When Everythinq Happened.When He Destroyed My Life.When My Whole Worldd Camee Crushinqq Down.My Step Dad (Carlos] Ruined My Life. He Did Da Must Desqustinqq Thinqs Anyone Couldd Ever Go Throuqh.But Lucally,I Hadd True Friends That Saw Everythinqq I Was Goinq Throuqh.They Saw My Suffer.They Saw My Tears.They Saw Everythinqq.&'dd Ef Eht Weren't For Them.Im Gussinqq Riqht Now I Wouldd Still Be Goinqq By All Dat Abusinqq.&'dd Thisz Comment Isz Jst Tew Tell All Does People That Aree Goinq Throuqh By Any Abuse .. Tew Go. Tell Someone .. Be Brave. Dnnt Be Scaredd.. I Know What Your Goinqq Throuqh Trust Meh.. Bt Jst Go Out.Dnt Be Scaredd.. Becauesz Then Eht Couldd Be Tew Late .. :/ We Dnt Want Dat Tew Happen..? Do We ?

    -Adtzirith Partida ♥

    -xoxo-

  • michaela

    I was dating a guy who thought it would fun to abuse me he would hit kick me do everything to me eel down. Everytime i went to his house he would hit me, one day he rapped me. If you think this is wrong please call me an tell me what i should do.......

  • London Girl

    I have grown up with a physically and verbally abusive brother for most of my life. He is a bully and the most horrible person I have ever met in my life. He would constantly hit me by punching or slapping me. The effects afterward were worse than the physicall pain as I would feel so small and inferior everytime I was hit as I could never hit him back being a girl and much smaller. My parents could never discipline him properly, as he was uncontrollable and was scared of no ones authority. That was the worst feeling, that no one could protect me. I'd even think about seriously harming him whilst he was asleep and most vulnerable. The fact that he was abusive even put a strain on my relationship with my parents as I would take out my anger on them. I hardly have any male friends, and find it difficult to open up to men in relationships as my brother was so mean to me that It put me off all men in general.

    However, there is hope in my story. My brother is alot older than me so he finally moved out and went his own way. I am 20, and now I am left at home with my parents and life is so much better I feel god has answered my prayers. Whenever he visits I feel uneasy and he has still not matured and has disrespect towards me. It sickens me that person can be so abusive and mean. I have never had a proper conversation with him in my life where I have opened up to him. I still have this hatred towards which I hope will one day go and he will become a better person.

    I share this story to advise anyone who is being abused especially in their home where you should feel the most safe to seek help from parents, friends etc. But the most important thing is to learn to build a strong relationship with yourself, where you train your mind to be strong. By learning to love yourself anything bad that happens to you will simply not affect you. I wish anybody who experiences abuse to be strong and get through it, and know that they are not alone :).

  • Anonymous-71

    I'm the eldest boy in my family. These days I realize I was less than kind to my three siblings on many occasions. I've said and done things I regret now, but I know I can't go back, no-one can really. I'm grateful to be getting along with my sisters these days, and a lot of the jealousy has abated. Old arguments and things do come up now and then, though through life experience I'm aware of what I say and try and control my words. Learning about karma has changed my outlook though I still struggle with anger and negativity.

    Many families are dysfunctional and we were too. Aa a kid I had no real empathy and found it hard to relate to others, which set me up for future difficulties. I was a spoilt child and my parents were hard on me emotionally. I'm not saying "Oh poor me" - stuff that. I'm in my late thirties and am not going down the pathetic path of victim-blame, why should I?? I was screwed up, and don't miss my youth.

    When I was 28 I hit a severe depression - it changed my life. I was helpless in my parents' lounge room with all the heaviness of everything bad I'd done and said to my family. I realized I'd led a selfish life fraught with interpersonal difficulties coming from being ungiving and close-hearted.

    I've led a drifting life in the past few years, and at times alone I have realized the holes in my life - being bullied at school (and also bullying too), not feeling wanted in group sports, and the things my parents have said to me coming from their own fears and insecurities. This all sounds complicated doesn't it?? Put it this way, I'm just grateful I've made it to early middle age (haha) cause this is the best time of my life so far, and it'll get better. I'm an adult, I'm free, and I can make better choices today and in the future.

  • Anonymous-72

    I feel so sorry for these kids who have been abused they don't disevered to be abuse

  • Juliie

    so people abuse others because they think it's normal? well thats sad :/ they dont know...

  • Taylor

    My father began abusing me when I was about two years of age. I recall, for instance, one day when I was driving with him somewhere. He pulled the car over to the side of the road, pulled me out and began shaking me, asking me why I had become so bad. His displeasure with me soon developed to aggressive spankings, which seemed to take place for no reason at all. Once, at the age of four, he threw me down the stairs -- for no reason at all. Hearing me cry, my mother asked him had happened. He told her that I had said I hated him so he slapped me. I had said no such thing and was utterly befuddled. Later, at the age of five, at a family celebration, a little boy asked me what I was wearing under my dress. Lifting the corner of my dress, I told him it was a crinoline (a slip that makes dresses stand out fuller). The next thing I knew, my father was there shouting at me to get upstairs and stay in my room. I sat there all day until everyone had left. When my father came up to my room, I was thrown on my stomache, with my panties ripped off, I was pinned down, and spanked with the full strength of his hand until I thought I would pass out. I was told that I was evil, that I had made him do what he did to me, and that God sent little girls like me to hell. This was one of so many other incidents that included being thrown across a room, incessant name calling, belittlting, acts of humiliation and constant spankings. Usually, my father's rage would erupt without warning. Suddenly, I would find that I had done something wrong (left a finger print on a wall, drank some cool-aid without asking permission, argue with my brother) and needed to be punished. Up to his bedroom and behind a closed door, I would be order to pull my pants down, where he would spank my bare bottom relentlessly. Afterward, he would tell me to get up -- he would go over, lie down on his bed and tell me to come and sit beside him and stroke his brow. I had no idea why he was asking me to do this. I would do it a couple times but he would tell me to keep stroking his head until he calmed down -- telling me that I had made him upset because I was so bad, so it was my responsibility to calm him down. Finally, he would tell me to give him a kiss, tell him I was sorry and would be allowed to leave. My mother never interfered, though surely she would have heard my screams. The only time she broke things up was when I was sixteen. My mother and I were having a disagreement and when I left the room to go up to my room, I slammed the door. Within a minute, he was up the stairs, in my room and ordering me to remove all my clothing, promising that he was going to give me the beating of my life. I refused, which is when he became utterly enraged, pulled his belt out and starting swinging at me, hitting me all over my body. By the time my mother entered the room, I was huddled up in a ball in the corner. I felt like my father had broken my soul that night. Later, still lying on the floor, I could hear my mother comforting my father. I figured I should get up and go to the bathroom to take care of myself. When I went and looked in the mirror all I could see were welts everywhere. Sometime that night my mother came to me and told me that the next day I must apologize to my father and tell him that I loved him. There is far, far more to this story than I feel up to sharing here. The point is that the abuse I suffered as a child had major consequences (emotionally, physically, socially, economically) and it has only been in the last few years (I am in my mid-50s) that I have been able to begin dealing with it all. More recently, I shared some of this with my mother (my father died a year ago) and she showed genuine sorrow though denied knowing that anything was ever wrong. She had always told me when I was growing up that I had to put up with my father's behaviour because he had been so badly abused by his father. I always felt that I was responsible for my father's pain -- and that I had to support my mother in her need to protect him. Receiving love was pretty much contingent upon this tacit agreement. More recently, I have been talking to my mother about how the family has, more generally, defined me as the difficult one and about how inappropriate it is. This labeling has been in place for as long as I can remember. I have tried to explain to her that many of my problems are the result of the abuse I suffered as a child and that I am not all that atypical, and that I should not be blamed or seen as a freak. In fact, I had done relatively well at taking care of myself, though have never managed to have a close relationship with a man and battle intermittently with depression and post traumatic stress disorder. In response, she tells me that she does not really know what I am talking about -- she does not see how I was abused. I told her what is mentioned above and a bit more but now she seems to think that this does not constitute abuse.

    I am quite frankly exhausted by the family drama. I have been rejected for so long, despite numerous efforts to turn things around. Anyone kind enough to offer their insight would be much, much appreciated. I am pretty much at a loss.

  • Anonymous-73

    Abusing is a problem wish they would STOP!!!ican't imange how other kidz hav been bused real bad.

  • Crying Dad

    Yesterday I had called for my adult daughter (who is 18) to help with throwing out a mattress. We had been cleaning all afternoon, and had just finished taking out the first bed when I had called for help with the 2nd. She stormed into the bedroom screaming at me, saying I never "talk" to her and always yell at her. She started to scream at me saying I abused her and blamed me for her mild hearing loss then "boxed" my ears.

    She then began to pummel me, closed fisted in the head, chest and back, screaming she hated me and shouting obscenities. All the while, my other 2 children, ages 7 and 10 were standing by the doorway watching the attack.

    While I tried to block some of the blows, and tried to push her out of the way, or down to the ground, I did not strike her. My wife, who was also in the bedroom, tried to interpose herself beween us, but my daughter was reaching over her and jumping around her to strike me.

    I feel ashamed that my daughter behaved that way. I feel sorry that my younger children had to see that behavior. I feel sick to my stomach as I am thinking about the ER bill I'm going to see, due to the pain in my chest (at least it was only a couple cracked ribs rather than something more serious).

    My wife (her stepmom) said I should have called the police. But the only thing that I keep thinking is that I hope that her doing that made her feel better. That whatever wrongs I supposedly had done against her, were righted by this attack.

    I just don't know what to think though. I don't know if this is healthy, or what.

  • Anonymous-74

    I was in a very bad relationship and was emotionally abused for about two years. I was humiliated in ways too painful to mention. I was threatened, called horrible names, manipulated, you name it. After studying all I could get my hands on, I finally came across a book called "Healing Damaged Emotions," by David Seamand. The book is a godscend. I hope it helps others as well.

  • Anonymous-75

    I'm 30 now but have been dealing with this all my life plus my own mental health issues such as anxiety, ocd's and severe depression. I can tell you that my father , for as much as he has done for me, money wise over the years, even though he didn't really have it, doesn't cancel out the fact that he verbally abused and bullied me. I'm very far from perfect and I have made many mistakes in my life. He was the leader and from what I know, his father was abusive to him and his four brothers as well as my grandmother. He hated woman, was controlling, physically and verbally abusive , drank gambled, you name it. However as I grew up I just knew him as a fun, loving grandpa. My father would belittle me, blame me, yell at me and call me names in front of my 2 brother's which until this day I believe that he did favor them over me. As we got older, things in life happened to add to the dysfunctional family dynamic. My father had his own anxiety issues,(ocds) my mother who still has never saught treatmenrt for her anxiety (she also came from a father who was an alcoholic and was mean. My middle brother has anger problems and my youngest now, well has turned into a mini version of my dad. I have come to learn people abuse and many times ,,,,its family memebers doing it to eachother, rather than what most people may think. My brother's saw what my dad did so they eventually started partaking in bullying me, verbal abuse when he did so. So now I had 3 doing it instead of one. Myparents who are both almost 60 now, I doubt will change. My mom through all of this would usually defend me, but she couldn't always defend herself againist my dad who was somewhat controlling towards her so how on earth could she protect me?? She has been the best mom ever, but her one flaw was she was always putting what I wore down, my friends, the activities I liked and let me tell you. They were normal things a young woman would like , going dancing with friends, watchimg reality celebs show etc. My self esteem probably about 6 years ago was gone. My mom got sick this past year so now nothing in the family would ever be resolved. No stress or fighting according to my dad. Now my mom has actually joined the "gang" as I call it, calling me names sometimes, worse than my dad and agreeing, when she knows (I have video recorded my father and brother verbally abusing me and picking fights when I never did anything to ever get a response like that. She is is denial that he family is messed up and so I sit here now...11 years later, every aspect of my life awlful and each day something else bad happens. I have lost weight, can't sleep and cry ev eryday and have lots of panic arttacks. I'm not close to my extnded family and the man whom I have loved for 9 years-he is bpd, broke up this past january. I could write a novel here for all of you and you woudlnt believe what I have been through in the past 11 years. I feel like my youth was wasted and in ways stolen from me. Being depressed for 10 years , you miss , well your whole life. I have thought about suicide a # of times, but my beloved pup keeps me here. I also began cutting myself about 3 months ago to deal with all the pain and torment. I have since stopped. I feel and I am alone all the ttime, no one to huge me, tell me they are proud or ask how my life is going.. If anyone else has had a similar situation please respond. Is there any hope for us victims of verbal abuse to ever recover???

  • Erika

    Hey, I'm Erika. My family and I moved in on mid-June. I think it was like June 11. I don't know which day it is. I don't think this is abusing, but my dad kept yelling at my mom and my mom kept crying. He wasn't fighting her he was just yelling. My sister, Brianna, told me to run away with her out of the house, but I didn't want to. I told her, "It's our 1st day of a new house. We need to stay here so we can see if we can all take care of each other and not fight." She didn't like that. She said, "Come on, Erika. Let's go. We can't live in a house like this with fighting parents." I just ran back to my room and cried because of the fighting. I didn't expect my new life like this. Until the second day, mom and dad apologized. I'm 11 and that's my yelling and fighting story on the 1st day of moving in a new house.

  • Andrea

    I have read you statements and i can truly tell you, you have really been a strong woman for dealing with all those issues. I know it must have been hard growing up with such tragic things happening throughout your days. I truly believe you have a powerful testimony and your a walking blessing. I assure you, that all the things your dad said to you and did was because of the person he was on the inside. He may have not felt secure in himself. Thats gods battle but as for you , god has truly molded you into a powerful woman. You overcame all adversities, and i pray that now you put your trust in christ jesus and go out seeking other young women that go through the same thing and minister to them, encourage them and build them up it will truly make them better people just from seeing that you made it this far. Be BLEssed!

  • Anonymous-76

    I had a terrible attack tonight. I was driving and went crazy and got out of the car screaming in the middle of the road. I got back in the car pulling my hair. I cussed and hit my husband and squeezed my toddler's foot which got him to crying. My husband screams, yells, and spanks our son all the time because he spits, cries, never follows orders, and you name it. Nothing works. My husband is very possessive and controlling. I tend to hold things in. When I explode, I start verbally and physically hit. I used to never do this ever. My mom has put extra anxiety on me as well about always complaining about money and never appreciates a damn thing that you do for her. Also she is a spoiled brat. I came from an abusive mother and an alcholic father. My mom physically and mentally abused. My dad did some mental abuse but only while he dranked. He was a angel sober. I don't know what's happening, but I am scared. I don't want my son to go through this. I want him to have a normal life. We can't seem to control him (especially the spitting). Nothing works. My husband admitted tonight that he didn't want a child and wants a life of traveling and fun and not to be stuck with us. I don't care what happens to me, but I want my son to have a normal life. I just don't know what to do, but I am afraid what will happen to me if I'm pushed as far as I can be pushed.

  • Jo

    All your stories touched my heart and you all brave, each and every one of you for living another day and this brings opportunity in your minds to find a way to have a life you deserve and one day you will and use these experiences to be stronger and remain alive to love those who deserve you.

  • Just50

    I'm 50 but was physically abused throughout childhood, as well as by my boyfriend that I continued to see for a long time. It's the botfriend situation that still bothers me. The abuse lasted fro the time I was 19 until about 32. When I went to see "I can do bad by myself, a Tyler Perry movie, with a close friend, I cried through Bishop Marvin Winans' song "I'm over it now". Even today when I hear the song I cry. A few years ago I told him I needed to speak with him about the abuse and he made light of it. I just read today that making light was one of the criteria on the checklist for abuse (I just found out today). I still have dreams about being hit on and often I think about it and cry while I am awake. I dont talk to anyone about it but what can I do for myself?

  • Anonymous-77

    My father use to beat me when I was at least seven and I also watched him beat my mother. I always felt helpless, but when we had to visit him one summer, he beat me as soon as I got down there and told police that my step father did it. I spent three months miles away from my mother, protecting my brothers from my father, and taking what he dished out so my brothers wouldn't get hurt. At the end of the visit he brought us back, but not to our mom. He took us to Child Protcective services and had us taken away from our mother with the evidence that he did. Some of the story is left alone because it's to hard to talk about. The C.P.S agents never listened to our story and took us away from our mom for 2 years. Today, I have many problem but try to over come them and live my life to the fullest. I never want people to feel bad for me, but to see how much of a better person I am.

  • Anonymous-78

    When did all begin. When I was a infant I was throw off a treefort. I have scars from that day. When I went foster home it was hard. They use to tie my hands behind the chair. Leave me there at nights. My adopted mother took me in because I was abuse. My mother should think that to relize was going on in the world. She use to spar against me and when I was in Karate I was not paying attention. Then come home I was getting kneeled, she wouldn't stop but I just started to cry. She wouldn't stop. I had bruises on me and I would not tell people at school about it. Then she would send in cold showers. It would be an hour and spray my face with water. Then one day I was doing home work I was thrown to a chair. My head hit the chair and it was bleeding. She felt bad. She would go to chees sand whiches. Really like it was fun. I will have it during breakfast, lunch, dinner. The most had it was a month. It later catch up to her. When she had boyfriend they use things to burn by skin. Her later boyfriend and know boyfriend say threats to mean and said awful comments. I just couldn't handle it, one it was big awful things. She has done things to me. But I will remember those things and one day I will have a wife and tell it to her. I will always look positves at life and forget my past.

  • Anonymous-79

    Growing up my father was very much a mental abuser. I listened to him cuss and scream my mother almost daily, then he would turn on me and keep my self esteem down. They divorced when I was 12 and my step dad is also an abuser. He is physically as well as mentally abusive. My mother is also very much a mental abuser, only with me though. Im now 34 years old and she screams or cusses at me daily. I have been married two years now and my husband is physically and mentally abusive. My husband is the worst of them all. He has hit me so many times I cant count and has went to jail for it and he starts fights weekly, just so he can justify his behavior and get his thrill of name calling and pushing or breaking my cell phones or whatever he gets his hands on. Im still married because if I dont let him be the one to leave, then I fear what he might do. I cant even go to friends houses to get away from him, he will show up there and make a scene and doesnt care if they call the law or if he has to fight them. My advise to anyway reading, any of these....abuse never changes. I have lived thru it and am still living thru it and they can get anger mangerment, go to jail for long periods, lose everything dear to them and in the end they never change. It might be years with no issues, but it will rear its ugly head yet again! If you get involved with an abuser, RUN far far away and never look back.

  • sssssssssshhhh

    There are alot of abusive things people can do to people but it is up to us to do something. can got to use your head you got to think about and you got to think clever. Things about abusives is it last awhile, you got to be prepared to help yourself out before anyone else can help you take. My point of view, i feel sick and I can feel the pain just reading these story yes it is not going to be easy but you got to be willing to take care of yourself before anyone else!!

  • Anonymous-80

    Hi I am married now for about twenty years and getting abused every single day. My husband calls me names, sexual abuse, physical abuse. I am studying, working and looking after my two teenagers. He wakes up starts abusing until he sleeps. He has made my life hell. I am a heart patient. sometimes I yell at my kids but now I promise not to yell at them because I know how much it hurts. I just pray to God to keep me healthy and make me strong so that i can leave him as soon as possible. I want to live my life. I am mid forties. I had a very good childhood. My parents are caring and I never got hurt In my whole unmarried life.

  • Anonymous-81

    Abusers do it for control and power. Usually they are very weak people who cannot control themselves so they feel the only thing they have control over is someone else who will not be able to fight back. They pick on a particular type of person. Usually someone easy going that they can manipulate and many times they don't show their real selves in front of anyone else. My husband was exactly like that. One time he slipped and people saw the truth. But usually people would think he was a great guy. Police really don't take it too seriously.

    Especially if his friends and relatives are cops. You don't stand a chance. They will bully you and harrass you and you will not be able to do anything about it. They will try to intimidate you and then deny everything. I have been divorced for many years and am still being harrassed. I have had my bank account broken into, my home broken into, my car broken into. Have had my car registration stolen, been hit by a car etc. and I moved to another state to get away but a sick mind is a sick mind. Disturbed people rarely get the help they need. Instead the normal people have to get help to learn how to cope.

    I am hoping to write a book soon on my experience with abuse during and after my marriage. I waited 16 years to get out. My advice is get out as soon as you can because it will trumatize you for a long long time. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going.

    Good Luck

  • ConcernedCitizen

    Someone close to me has mentioned that he enjoys torturing 0-6 month old babies and 0-2 year old animals. He's a very big man and I'm afraid that he may actually do the things he said. Like slapping a baby silly or hitting tiny animals for no reason.

    I don't pretend to know why such people do things like this but it's sad because this man has 6 children and 8 grandchildren. Also because our wonderful cat just had 6 beautiful little kittens who are all of 7 days old as of the time of this post and this guy's son, my nephew, wants one of our kittens, but I want our kittens to go to a good home and since my brother-in-law confessed to this, he said he was joking, but I'd seen how he abused his youngest son, and although I continually stuck up for little nephew who's 11 now and very overweight probably due to the abuse, everyone put me down saying it was okay, it was just how his parents wanted to discipline him. I even tried to reason with them asking if they would like to get hit at work for every tiny infraction. Others also stopped me from calling child protective services on them, but someone did and they covered their tracks well.

    I'm afraid to give my nephew the baby kitten after it's weaned from it's mother. I know he's a sensitive and loving little boy, but I think his father uses his loving ways against him because the father sees the boy's love as a weakness rather than a strength. He thinks pets are for sissies and need to be constantly tortured so that they live in terrified fear of all humans.

    Do you think this man was abused as a child and has now taken on the role of abuser on such tiny baby humans and animals as a god-complex?

    Help me people. What should I do?

  • Anonymous-82

    Have any of you been abused by your own child? My husband left me after 20 years, and my 15 year old regurly verbally abuses me. He has mental issues, and is on meds, but he loves to call me names and yell at me. My 18 year old son is quite mean to me as well. I have been treated pretty crappy by people all my life. Alot of people put me down, walk on me, and are just plain mean. But, I realize there are two kinds of people in this world. Nice ones, and mean ones. You are one or the other. I am a nice one. I can't wait until the end of the world, when all the a**holes go to hell, and all the peacemakers go to Heaven. HA!!!!!! that will be sweet.

  • loved by father unwanted by mother

    since a child i had to trust only in myself.even when young i saw the mistakes done continualy that i wanted to be in a family that would show me how to be sucseesfull.as a chlid knowing abd even confonting parents about the wrong decisions they were making and the loss making mistakes.but i was being disrespectful and that bs who knows best and evey time turned out just like i said that she hated me and i thought i did her but was angery at them for being so incompitent.i was living in a hopless case een though they were in the medical field but common sence or maybe i was just gifted by god becuase thats the only one i trusted.i suck that i feel this way today if you cant trust your own family than who.they were envious of me and used me for there gain and my failier.also being abused motherdidnt believe me or she said i deserved it she had a cruel intention of enjoying my pain.dad loved me but he didt have know how in american way like taking care of things or anything it was he was always paying somone to take me hunting fishing any recreation.and later did not want me to succeed or any of my other half family.he said i was nt making enough when i started making more a hour than did i saw it he didnt admitt but i saw through both of them.mother since a child trying to put me off on others so she could do whatever.dad told me when i was born she left the apt he tried calling the phone was busy for ever he came home from the hospital to find me shaken from screaming ant the phone off the hook.and from there these are the things of regular progression done to me.besides making up lies as her scapegoat i was the excuse or all her problems tha caused me alot of people to turn shed make up lies about dad to she was always trying a way to punish me to justifie her or just be that.times she nevr picked me up from school and would never give me a key to the apt as she said she be there i waited on the steps for three hours and one in a tonado but the nieghbor let me in and had atalk with her she didnt miss a pick up after that.and when people started to see what she realy was about she got put in her place.she used to go to church but never invited me to go.comto find by her gossip about how she liked the preachers good looking and the such so the real reason was to gossip and to look at a man.that evn them made me sick and felt ambarassed to god at my age.anyway i was put on riddlyn for ad hd my dad knew better and with all that annziaty but it keep me out of her way and depresed adding whieght gain.i wsa gifted with music natural and she did not support or help futher my talents on what i needed that nt succeeding above them.i saw other familes and would say how easy they seem normal.felt i was in the wrong family and never ever were close i stayed as far away would leave the house any tim i could and would walk a talk with god even though i got know repley but i knew he was there and saw my tears of no choice.becuase today little thing that happened words said at those times he was with me through it.some of us are choose from affliction and when we overcome these how strong and what else cant we handle aslo with him.these thing do happen because of god it evil satans plot.but if you look people tha have gonr through such things seewhat exeeding accoplishments they have done.and in you have faith in god,and gone through these abuses worse than i.cant see not believing in to get trough,and ther is a promise that you will be payed back for what was taken from you and given back what was lost.this kind of truma gods the only one that can make a mending i know becuase iv seen and know what and who i trusted and am a new man becuase of him.also all this realization just came i kept saying honor mom and dad and do but it is what it is sin is sin and wrong wrong and iv just put it behind never thought of it.and remember if somone does somthing to you.ITS NOT YOUR FALT!its there choice nobody makes somone do anything to them it ther choice.dont be anyones pawn.your responsible for you. not another actions.see what you made me do is fraud bunk copout.say if i made you do this wha t do i have to do to make you put a hole in your.say ill rent you a gun and sell you a bullet.take nomore abuse from anyone.pray may god bless and be with you

  • Anonymous-83

    My husband of 42 years confessed to me that he has cheated on me for our entire marriage - from year one. This is a loving, kind, gentle man. Not an abuser at all. But I believe that he subconsciously acted out the abuse he received as a child. So here's a warning to wives in "perfect marriages." Be smart.

  • Anonymous-84

    Seems to be an aweful lot of this abuse happening...join the club!!!

    It's pergatory right here on earth!!!

  • zina

    I'm 37 yrs old black woman. I come from Somalia and was rised in a muslim house hold. I lived a very sheltered life untill 1989. Civil war at its finest bring the worste out in semi demisticated men and opprested women alike. Back in the day (I was 20 something) when I started dating and I made the mistakes of trying to fix my abusive partner. I would tell myself if I do this or that maybe he'll be better or a bit nicer to me. But that never worked.... As a matter of fact it gave my ex the green light to noch up the level of abuse. Each time I would be left with nothing but anger and souless feeling inside. That's when I stopped dating altogether. It took 3 lonely years to find me and gained much need confidence to weed out the worthless people from my family and my social circles.

    I viewed my relationships like jobs for the first 6 months (this was way before Steve Harvey. That douchbag has a PHD in broken relationships).... What's the point in giving all the good benefits out if your partner is not putting in the work. Just so you know it doesn't take 6 months to weed out these fu**ers. They can't hide their ugly faces too long.

    If and when you do find and meet this partner who passes your check list. You shouldn't relax with what you desire in your ideal partner. Take that probation period to two years. Meet his or her family and rate them as well. Much of your partner's undesireble behavior is from how their were rased. Most importantly keep a personal diary. At the end of the two years. Do a pro and con list and if the cons out weigh the pros. Move on. Seriously I'm not kidding Move on to the next mate. Leaving yourself in a rut of a relationship is self abuse and you have no one to blame for that. Seccuss does not equal having a degree or how much money you make. It ablies to all corners of your life and being a seccuss in the eyes and hearts of those closest to you is indeed something all the wealth in the world couldn't buy.

    Please don't view me as a hard person to be around. I am far from that. I'm forgetful, I hate going to sleep upset and I have my moments but they are far few in between. Mainly because I have healthy relationships. My thing is that being someone's doormate is not a healthy option no matter the case especially if they are a family member. Trust me you can choose who is family and who isn't... Life is too short so live it your way. If I as a Somali woman who had FGM (female genetal mutilation) preformed on can make it without therapy then so can you. Don't limite your right to live a happy healthy lifestyle. I hope you guys find peace within you everyday of your lives:)

  • Anonymous-85

    Ever since I was 12 years old my brother in law has been sneaking in my bed. The first impression of abuse, the world died. He always snuck in my bed while I was sleeping nearly every night. I was totally traumatized. Abuse to me goes unanswered, but I'm glad to say now that I'm in my 30's can walk away from it. It happened and I just want to honestly forgive and forget. Bye.

  • Pat

    As a little boy (around 5 or 6) I witnessed the violence of my grand-father on my grand-mother. I still have images of her in my mind with a black eye and marks on her face, and of hits (slaps) I took from my grand-father.

    The reason behind his violent behaviour as I learned from my mother was that he was the sole survivor of a company in ww2. My mother told me war stole her father.

  • mystery1

    All of you people who has ever been abused in any kind of way, I want to say i am sorry because no one deserves it. I am a 16 year old girl and i have experienced pretty much every abuse you can imagine. i know how you feel. Luckily i am out of that envirment and i am happy. I used to be scared to death of what was waiting for me when i would get home from school. If ive learned anything about my experince it would be move on and dont let the past hold you back. Move on and eventually you will be happy. Dont hide in the shadows of others. Be strong and dont let others take you down

  • Anonymous-86

    As a facilitator for a program for abusive men, we must be very careful what we claim are that causes for abuse.

    Below I have pasted an exerpt from this article. The biggest thing we need to understand about domestic violence is it is a power and control issue. We cannot blame drugs, alcohol, or a mental health issue as being the cause of violence...this takes the heat off the abuser as being the cause. It is true that abusers can have problems with alcohol, drugs, and have mental health issues. HOWEVER, we must treat these as seperate problems...NEVER mistake them as a cause.

    "Abusive behavior can also result from mental health issues or disorders. For example, someone with anger management issues, a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder, or a drinking or drug problem may easily get out of control during arguments (e.g., because there is something wrong with their ability to inhibit themselves at the brain level) and verbally or physically strike out at their partners and dependents."

  • Steve

    Father was violent to my mom and abused me and my siblings. Can't remember any of it but was told about it. He paraded himself around as a pastor of a church, too. Eventually, he killed my my and had a doctor cover up the cause of death to keep from going to prison. Me and my siblings were adopted and struggled with PTSD and night terrors.

    Everything toned down until I became a father and then, when my first baby boy cried, my nervous system went haywire and I was taken back to that helpless place of abuse when I was a child. I hurt my own kid, like my dad hurt me. I took responsibility for my actions and got help and did time and was allowed to come back to my family because my wife is amazing and forgiving. We have two more kids and things aren't perfect but not nearly as bad as with my first son. We struggle but we are making it by God's grace. We currently have a newborn and communicate constantly about my anxiety around him and when I get tense and freeze up, or hurt him indirectly because of my tension. It's not a "walk in the park." We fight that dark past every day but we grow closer as a result.

  • Mil

    I get mentally abused everyday. I'm too the point that I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. All I do is cry cry cry and I'm tired of doing that. My kids here me getting screamed at and being called names and it embarrasses me and makes them call me names also. I'm like stuck in a hard position that I can't get out of because I lost my house because of him and he won't let me get a job so I have no income. I do so much stuff he treats me like a robot kicks me out in freezing weather he has picked me up and threw me outside and my purse and stuff. He has hit me in the back of my head so hard when I was unaware of it so I almost fell out. He threw an un-opened can of mountain dew at the back of my head so hard when I was walking up the steps that I almost fell back down them, do u want me to keep going. God please just help me. I ask him for help everyday but it gets worse. I don't know what I've done so wrong to deserve this. I really don't.

  • Anonymous-87

    As a child I was often left with who ever was able to watch over my sisters and I, a Lot of those time's was with my eldest brother, and I don't know where his abuse came from, but it turned on us, My sisters and I.

    I remember him waking us up at 3am and ,making us run miles, before we could get on the bus, he would make us fight each other, often pushed me out in to the cold. Would always call me the stupid little s***, and telling to shut the F*** up, when I cried and begged him to stop. He would often slap us, make us fight him, one time I remember not understnading how to clean the floor right, and he kicked me so hard, I remember my heading sending a horrible pain to my neck. He had no patience whats so ever, my brother died about 6-7 yrs ago, and I know it's awful, but I was glad he was gone.

    I am now 27 years old, have a 4 yrs old daughter, and I'm starting to see my self as the bully, I haven't done anything physical, but I do alot of yelling and throwing things, I know it scares her, and I don't like the things he did to me, and I rememember hating him so much, that I ran away from home, numerous times, form the age 7 - 17

    I don't want to put my lilttle girl through the same thing, I need help,, I don't want to be him in her eyes.

  • Anonymous-88

    Honey you really need to try and find a shelter to go to before this man kills you and your kids have no one to fend for them.. If something happens to you worse than what is already happening, God forbid, but if something worse happens and this man kills you, what will come of the kids.. If it's too hard to do it for yourself, do it for your kids, I know that abuse makes you lose your self worth but honey, NO ONE DESERVES ABUSE, not animals, insects, and definately not us human beings, God doesn't want you to endure abuse, that wasn't why we were put on this Earth, you are so much better than that. I wish i could take your hand and bring you to get help myself, but since i cannot I am writing this hoping you will see it and take the advice, believe me i know it's tough, I have been there, and I will never ever make someone feel like a worthless being again.. YOU DON"T DESERVE IT, PLEASE GET OUT OF IT..YOU DON"T DESERVE IT!!!

  • Wildrose

    I read about such horrible abuse and shaming here from one person here and the denial by a mother than such was happening. That is so awful when people are so fractured that their eyes and ears cannot hear or they have been so abused themselves that they must deny abuse or be condemned themselves. This has happened in my family to the point that I can no longer deny it myself and have little to do with my core family. It is all so very sad but I want a life now and to bring it up to my family just confuses me and turns me back into thinking I was the fault maker.....not even....now I have to remain in that reality and to take care of me...no more relationships with abusers or manipulators...but a life of reality now.

  • Reggie

    Abusive people are much better when accepted for a fact, and treated as nothing other than oversized bacteria with destructive properties. By equating these people's behavior with bacteria's behavior, you can actually start looking for ways to circumvent them as you would other destructive life forms.

    Denying and minimizing abuse can discredit the efforts of the abuser to intentionally destroy, because deep inside the abuser wants to produce a devastating effect by doing what they are trying to do, as in their mind it's quite an accomplishment. However, abuse can leave deep emotional scars in your subconscious mind irregardless of what you want it to be. Abuse is a crime, although, up to this day, it's been very difficult to eradicate this need in most people.

  • Caroline

    This is a long term problem that has developed from 1985, when my husband discharged from the navy. When he came home and went back to his civilian job his father andmany of his friends wanted him to be eased back into the community, after being mostly under water for the last 3 and 1/2 years, I was asked to help, Keep him from disrupting other lives by not using seniority rights. In other words promise sex only on the condition he would cooperate with everyone, It was only suposed to be a couple of years, I kept being asked to extend my promise out, because my husband would have taken jobs, shifts, vaction slots and refused or accepted overtime weekend and holiday work, Disrupting plans, relationships, parental and political needs.

    Sixteen years latter was stil using this method, until he threw up all over his foreman, and passed out at her feet, theyhad to do a surgery to remove a tumor off his brain stem. Because of the time this occured it disrupted vacation plans across the board, so he was screamed at, woke up , pushed int going back to work against medical advice, he was supposed to take 60 days off, but his department after he left shut down assembly because my husband was not there, The persons taking his place were resentful he was messing with thier plans by being sick.

    After that surgery it became impossible to get my husband to back down, He forced the local union to give him a job over a lessor seniority they wanted to have it, There was even a group that tried to force my husband to back down, he told me my promises meant nothing and I could drop dead when I promised if he would just back down i would have a great night with him.

    I watched the four men that thought they were going to teach my husband humility and get him to back off, he destroyed four men in under a minute. Sent them to a trauma center in critical condition. His father asked why he just would not back down, all four where friends of his, one the son of a county commisioner.

    I continued as before because i developed a fear of him, Every time he was told towork overtime, a weekend, or a holiday it became a feirce argument and usualy ended with my husbands father pointing a shotgun in my husbands back and forcing him to work, Then suddenly my husband retired with 31 years.

    He started to work for another logistics company at thier airport facility, He worked most the time there because it became habit to work, He fell 30 feet to the ramp one night bruising his back, Two months latter, for the second time in a decade, his cerebral spinal fluid was drained after MRSA developed in his spine causing a slip crushing his spinal cord, the last four years has been hospitals, rehab, stress centers. 15 months ago Started hell on earth, First he discovered my affairs whil i denied him, Just about killed the man he caught me with.

    Two weeks latter I was doing a favor for his father when my husband walked through the door from the stress center I was going with a friend to a political dinner, My husband told me I was not going. I promised I would meet any where he wanted after the event, He said you know your promise means nothing, I took off for the dor and he ripped my dress off, told me he paid for it, he was keeping it. then he said a 31 year note was due payable tonight. I begged please not like this, Hesaid after itwas the down payment on the note, I went in to cry and put a robe on, The man that was to pick me up was thrown over the porch rail after he punched and tried toforce his way in, landing in the drive face first right in front of my husbands parents, The center notified them my husband had been taken home. Wegot him back in the centers two more times around the holidays, because of hostility, Then this memorial day he was not doing anything else, So he was spending it at home, he has not been in a holiday at home since 1978, He refused to leave, at his fathers request. It is my husbands home and equipment that was being used. His father explained there were nowtraditions that he would not approve in his home and it was best he left, My husband told his father to go to hell, his mother kept things from coming to blows and my husband stayed.

    Then the end of the cookout came up, We were going to a nice place for drinks and dancing after it. I was supoposed to go with the man hurt in the drive last year when my husband threw him.

    My husbands father explained there was no reservation for him so he was not invited it was going to be a couple of hours. My husband informed him if I was invirted he was. The man took my arm and started for the door, Myhusband striped him of the reservation ticket and made him run for his life.

    His father became mad at my husbands disregaurd for his authority, And slapped my husband breaking two fingers, My husband returned with a closed fist back hand.

    Everyone else was shocked at my husbands response to both men. i was just scared. The fourth was tense, my husband made it clear if his father had somthing to say to just shut up.

    His father tried an armed response two weeks ago and backed my husband off with two friends, They considered the matter closed when they left him standing, My husband did not, He recorded the whole incident on security cans and mics, downloaded it to a thumb drive, and himself left to go to the police.

    He saw where we were eating breakfast pulled in around to the side and came in, The first indication he wasthere was when his heavy red oak walking cane cought the tw that had held pistols on him in the face, he swung four times, leaving them bleeding into thier breakfast, In front of everyone in the dinner,His mother, sister, her husband and thier wives, The police let him go because of what happened a half hour before and his proof.

    Has my husband become the abuser because of the abuse we heaped on him, Is there a way to keep his responsis peaceful, He was asked why he just did not present the cam footage, the police would have handled it, He said I will never again let myself feel powerless, This is the message people will now learn. His father asked his councilor what other way they could use to enforce my husbands compliance with what others wanted him to do. His councilor said don't try. leave him alone, I know that wherever I go now he will be art my elbow. After his forcing sex last year I don't dare refuse unless there is a medical reason.

    Is this abuse on his part. The reason no divorce ever happened was my Bi polar disorder, Two weeks after his arrival home a process server gave him a gaurdianship. The last atempt ended with to much in legal fees and lawyers owed.

    Can there be somthing done about his response, he responds with the intention to disable, break bones, and cause pain.

  • social worker

    social worker - becca - Aug 2014

    I'm a social worker and just breaks me into tears to know young children are going through this. Getting beat up, getting sexual touched and being threatened not to let anyone is a lie!!you CAN tell someone. they're just saying it to keep you scared. they know if they get caught they will go to jail right away. don't be scared! Tell you Teacher, she'll help you as soon as possilble. NO ONE is ever allowed to touch your body!! You dont belong to anyone. its called being assaulted. Thats against the law. Don't protect them because they're obviously not protecting YOU. CALL or tell somebody NOW....!!!!!! Dont be scared. nothing is scarier than what your going through right now. !!!!