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My Partner Of 6 Years Suddenly Left With No Explanation And Has Completely Shut Me And My Kids Out- Elise

Question:

I lived with and loved my soul mate for 6 years. He was charming, smart, engaging and loving. He loved and raised my kids as his own and I appreciated him deeply and expressed it. He was always impulsive with money, has an unstable career, and cut out his best friend of 30 years suddenly. The home and bills are covered by me….fine because his currency was his incredible kindness. Things worried me, but he was the sweetest guy and he was so wonderful to me that I loved him deeply and never would have left him. My whole family loved him and are quite intuitive. No one saw what was coming. We are both in our late 40’s and he decided he had to have his own child immediately. I understand, and did the surrogate/egg donor research with him. In the end, I simply didn’t feel comfortable with the process and with his ability to provide for a child. His greatest dream was destroyed, I wish I cold have given it to him. No one saw it coming, one day he walked out and has refused to answer my calls or emails. The few things he said were that he didn’t know who he was and had lot himself in me. He suddenly hates me. I think he clearly fit the BPD, but the pain and shock is so unbearable for me and my kids who he has not responded to either. Please give me advice on how to live through this unbearable pain. How could I have avoided it? I loved his companionship and love so deeply and am very very sad without it. I keep going over it and over it and I want the pain to go away. I can’t believe I have become dead to him.

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Answer:

First, let me thank you for your very impassioned expression of your loss. You are in mourning, just as though someone has died. It will take time for you to recover from the loss, but, in most cases, people do succeed in recovering. If the pain continues this acutely for several months, you should seek psychotherapy to help you recover from the grieving process.

There are some things I want to suggest to help you with your sadness:

1. Talk to friends and family constantly about all that happened.
2. As long as you are physically healthy, get plenty of exercise.
3. Avoid alcohol as that will only worsen your sad or depressed feelings.
4. Make sure you and your children discuss your feelings with one another.
5. Eat a healthy and balanced diet.
6. Do not stay at home and hide but go out and live your life.
7. If you find spirituality comforting go to your house of worship and use prayer.

These are just a few suggestions.

Some observations:

It is possible that you convinced your self that this was a better man than he actually was. You describe him in almost saintly terms. In point of fact, he was impulsive in several ways: 1) He spent money impulsively, 2) In doing so, he was not really taking such good care of you and your children, 3) He suddenly and without explanation, cut off an old friendship of his, 4) His career was marked by instability, 5) He states that he wants a child of his own and suddenly and impulsively cuts off all communication with you.

In light of all of this, it is my thought that you need to get  in touch with your feelings of anger at him.

By the way, I do not believe that any of us can make a diagnosis of this man with any kind of certainty and without his being seen by a mental health professional.

In my opinion, you need to allow your self to feel anger at him instead of your self, and give your self time to heal.

Best of luck.

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    i couldnt believe it when i raed your comments . my partner has also left me after 6 years of living with me and my kids . he also stated one of the reasons as wanting his own , after years of saying it wasnt that important. he left me 2 weeks before my mother died so i am dealing with a double loss. we had brief contact after my mums death but he was so detached and removed i am really suffering sleeplessness and loss of appetite no motivation , it s like am living my worst nightmare

  • Anonymous-2

    I too am feeling very lost and distressed. Although my partner of 10yrs has been experiencing some depression over the last few years, I didn't expect him to walk out and shut me out completely. Why won't he turn to the person who loves him the most? I just don't understand, and I don't know what to do.

  • donna barden

    I feel for you, i realy do,my partner never had children of his own, he said he wasent intrestade,he only wanted to be with me, he was 12years younger. he got up one morning after a ten year relationship walked out just befor christmas,ive never seen him since, but have heard that he got engaged three weeks after leaving me and his new fiance is now pregnant,im also trying to move on,but true love hurts,he took all our friends with him when he left,i am trying realy hard to cope,i blamed my self and still do,but in reality he fell out of love with me and grew up as im 44 and he was 31,its a very lonley situation to be in,but be strong for your children and yourself! the pain dosent go away but it will get easyer in time! i still cry every day!

  • julianne

    my partner of 5 years left me 2weeks ago. i went to work and when i came home he had moved all of his belongings he had took everything he posessed in 2 suitcases and went to live in italy, he left me a text message saying he was sorry and he was a coward and he said it was because he had a job over there, but he had never spoke to me about this it was just out of the blue, he has since switched his phone off and wont answer his e mails, i dont know what went wrong the night before he left everything just seemed normal, i wish he was here with me now i cant stop crying or thinking about him. I think i am guilty of loving someone who didnt feel the same way about me. can anyone please give me any kind of advice,

  • Lisa

    I'm also in a similar situation. My partner of 18 years left me in March. We had been together since school aged 15. We had lived together for 10 years, been engaged for 8 years and had just this last Christmas set a date at church to marry this December. He went to look at wedding venues with me and when it came time to confirm the booking and put a deposit down, he said he couldn't go through with it.

    He said intially, he wanted children, he has always known that I do not want a family. Intially he went to see a counsellor saying he would work it through and that we would marry regardless. However, I, in the end, gave in and said I would give him a family, he then said he was going and left.

    Since he has said all sorts of explanations, non of which make any sense and all are contradictory. He even said he doesn't think we are compatable (after 18 years?). I think perhaps he has some serious commitment issues, but he won't listen, he won't try and resolve anything with me and now won't take my calls.

    It's heartbreaking to lose someone who has been there since you were a teenager, everyday for 18 years. Someone described it to me as what people feel when someon goes missing, as aposed to someone dying. You need answers and you just can't get them. I don't know the way forward yet, if I find it I will let you all know. I feel for all of you. At least we all know we are not alone!

  • mary

    my husband left me after 22 years of marriage I have a mentally disabled child he has not been in touch since, I know he moved in with a woman he met on the internet , and had been messing around behind my back for some time (i found this out after he left, I had phone calls and letters arrive from various lonely women thinking he was their boyfriend) he went on to give up the tenancy on our house and we were all evicted , he left me with 20 thousand in debt and we were all moved to a horrible area away from where we were happy , his family have not heard from him since either . And subsequently now have nothing to do with us , I feel so isolated and lonely my health has suffered I have to try to hold it all together my eldest daughter has self harm issues and my youngest has gotten a lot worse trying to understand why her dad has gone , I do see that he was probably not worth much if he can treat us this way but its so difficult trying to get on I don't want to have to make new friends I'm scared , its been 2 years since he left and we are still alone , I wish things could get better, I think a lot of it is almost like I have been programmed to be with this man for so very long now I'm out there on my own trying to cope , he obviously lied a lot to me but most of the time we were together we had a laugh and got on , now its all over and I'm left lonely I also have problems as I am sole Carer for my child so cannot get out much , , ,

  • Anita

    I understand how you are feeling as my partner left me 11 days ago after 4 years together. The pain I am going through at the moment is crippling as I so much want to get back together and work things out but as my ex partner is now living interstate there is only contact through text messages. I totally love and adore my ex and am constantly thinking about them and worrying if they are ok.

  • DONNA

    I READ THIS THREAD HOPING FOR SOME KIND OF ENCOURAGEMENT.... mY GOODNESS.... TALK ABOUT not very encouraging!! my so called partner gave half hour notice packed as much as he could cram into landrover and left. And has since been unkind, smug, cold and generally acting as though he is Gods gift to women.. the pain is unimaginable, except by you lot of course... constant hurt, phisical mental emotional... it is the most hideous time in my life..

    But.... I have gone out and found a crappy job, met new people, I am thinking about what I can do for the furture, managing financially is main priority... birthdays kids and christmas are looming..so maybe I'll find another job to go with the first...

    I am angry, and cry every day and night, but he will not destroy me and my kids, I have them to make a life for, and need to help them deal with their pain.

    c'mon ladies, be strong!!! It helps, really it does... you can still feel proud of yourself. I put make up on every day for work and feel gorgeous, I flirt with men, and it helps...I don't want another man, don't think I ever will, but that doesn't mean I died the day he left.

    we are women, and should be proud to be so, we are not simply half of another... go out there and build your life!!!! You can all be strong!!! :) God knows, if I can mange it and I am truly pathetic, you lot can!!

    Good luck and enjoy!!!!

  • hbroken2

    After 7+ years together and 3 of them married my husband left for a job abroad (half way across the world). There was no discussion he made up his mind behind my back and left. It was such a shock. Who knew there were so many jerks in the world? This whole falling out of love is crap. Falling out of lust.. maybe and that is natural but true love and commitment doesn't die. Karma will bite these guys in the ***.

    As we are human, we will feel pain before we move on. These jerks are incapable of feeling anything except their impulsive primitive emotions which should make everyone feel good because they will never ever truly understand what it is to love or be loved like the rest of us. The concept is too abstract for these jerks!!! They became too self absorbed and I guarantee their judgment day will come. Being joyous won't bring them back but may attract another who truly deserve us!!!

    There are no excuses for abandoning your partner. Absolutely no excuses! Lets hope they never come back because they will do the same thing again if we let them. Stay strong ladies! We will rise again.

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    I completely agree with all of you who rightly insist that you must stay strong.

    And, so, I am posting something I just wrote on "Emotional Resilience" I hope you read it and derive some additional strength from it.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Shireen

    My boyfriend - well now ex has had funny moods for the last couple of months, happy one minute, and being verbally abusive the next. Well I came back from dropping my 4 year old off at school and he had gone, took everything with no warning. I am 31 weeks pregnant with his baby, I have a 5 year old with autism, ADHD and a sensory problem and a 4 year old. He also hired me as his PA but persuaded me last month to work for him as a self employed person, and now has just let me go, I has left me with no money and changed his phone number. I have done nothing but support him and be there for him through his moods and this is how he repays me. My kids have been crying for him but I can't contact him. He has left loads of debt in my name to.

    How can people be so selfish?

  • M.

    This happened to me as well.

    My boyfriend of 6 years (more than 3 of which we lived together) went away on a conference and came back a changed man. He said he didnt think we can make each other happy 'long term'. That he needed space. That he needed to be away from me. After digging deeper, I am sure he met someone there.. He does not deny it, but says everything else is also true. And that he felt this way for some time..

    I am in such a shock. I did not see this comming. We were a perfect couple. We had so many plans. Even a week before he left we were planning things!

    What hurts me the most is that if he had those thoughts he did say ANYTHING to me. I mean, we were more than lovers. We were best friends. We talked about everything and I always said to all my girlfriends that talking is the base for a stable relationship. And now look what happened..

    Also, I begged him to give us a second chance. I mean - what is the worst that can happen? I know we could make it work. I know we can. I even know how. But he doesnt want to. He is leaving and that is the bottom line. After 6 years together I dont even get a second chance...

    I am devastated. I am alone in a foreign country with very few friends. I feel so lonely. I feel like I am the most lonely person in the world. This pain is both emotional and physical. I dont want to go on living.

    The problem is - I love him so much. Still. Despite everything. I dont think I will ever be able to trust ever again. Or to love. Or even to enjoy life..

    My life is one big pain now.

  • Carla

    Why is it so easy for men to walk away from thier families and try to start a new life like the what they did before that did not count. Me and my ex husband had a great marriage we were friends lovers and partners. His excuse was that he had a breakdown and there was no evidence that he was ever with anyone else. He's tried for ten years to get me back but he disgusts me that way. I know that he will never be as strong as I am even though I weakened when he left I was stronger than i knew and even more so now.

    I was in a marriage and before I could recover from the c section of having our second son who was barely 2 months old. My husband and best friend gets up one morning an tells me he is leaving for work and won't be coming back. I was devastated and heartbroken but that was nothing compared to trying to break it down to my 1 year olds level in making him understand that his dad was no longer around. That was the true test and trying to survive on my own with 2 babies, losing 30 lbs in a month. Losing my milk cuz I was too stressed out and not eating to nurse my infant. I put my pride aside and tried everything to get him to come back and after my final straw which was the refusal to go to counseling that he had suggested i decided to live my life as a single woman and I took his ring back and told him if I ever thought he seemed like the man I married ever again I would give it back. He will never be that person again because he never really was, he can fake it long enough to be convincing but that is not his consistency.

    Well here we are 10 years later through him wanting to come back and me not taking him back, at least becoming friends again and supporting each other and getting through my youngest sons hatred for him and documenting his alcoholism through the courts. It sucks more now that he is in my childrens lives as that same jack ass that left us and the only thing he is consistent with to this day is his selfishness. I know that children need both of their parents but I think we should keep in mind that if these men are not treating us right on an adult level and the mothers of their children and best friends that they will never be the right influence for our children and families. I have come realize through recent BS and event with my thank GOD... EX husband that he has been more consistent with his selfish behavior than with anything else.

    After all the definition of consisitency is conformity with previous attitudes behavior and practice, characteristics previously shown or stated. I know that best thing he did for us was to leave because to come back into your childrens lives and be anything less thatn the best father you can possibly be after leaving us high and dry will never be acceptable standards by me.

    I have come too far for him to be anything less than the standards I have set on my own for our chiildren and I will accept nothing less even from him. I don't think any of us that have been through this same situation should either.

    More power to you ladies, it is not easy by any means but we are the ones that deserve to be called men. I don't k now about you guys I feel like I am the one with the balls and the guts to put my family first and create that security for my kids. As long as they know that I will always be there for them and they come first no matter what then I have done the best job I can as a mother.

    Someitmes God has a different path for us and I truly believe that God knew to remove this person from my life to hurt me and make me stronger. He got lucky when he married me and he will never do better and I was in for the same BS I deal with now even though we are not together and have not been for years in a romantic way. I deserve better and you do too and one day we will be blessed with our true soul mates not these a-hole imposters.

    Keep your heads up please know that you deserve better...

  • Dawn Wall

    I'm shocked at how much this happens. I thought this kind of thing only happened in movies. My boyfriend moved here from Edmonton to be with me two years ago - would have been 2 years on Christmas night. His grown children and two young granddaughters all live in Edmonton. I live a 4 and a half hour drive away, not far at all. He worked sporatically and I supplied everything (dumb, I know). Gave him a house to live in, a car to drive, a cell phone to use, not to mention my heart. He had been a bit moody over the last couple of weeks but then apologized in a text message on Monday saying that it wasn't my fault it was just that he wasn't working but his mood would be better now that he was back working. Tuesday he walked me to the garage and kissed me good bye like he always does and I went to work. I came home on Tuesday after work and found that he had left - no note, no nothing, just GONE - like our relationship never existed. He left my car keys and my cell phone on the kitchen table. I looked at the cell phone and I saw a conversation he had with his daughter where he was talking about having to throw things out because he only had 2 suitcases, but it's so worth it to get back home where he belongs. They were "lol"ing in their messages to each other. How can somebody be such a coward, so insensitive, so calculating? Right before Christmas too - not easy any time of year, of course, but seriously????????????? I'm devastated, confused, hurt beyond what my imagination could even consider. I returned all the Christmas presents yesterday and ended up crying in Canadian Tire!!! I haven't even been able to bring myself to go to work.

  • Happy Now and getting there

    Well it seems like nothing has changed. After 23 years of marriage! I suspected long before the shock of my situation that things were not quit right. My gut kept telling me something was wrong. But did I listen to it? No! because I wanted to try, and try and try. But by the time he had worn me down to an emotional corpse with his minupulation and covert controlling I was nearly gone emotionally mad. Somewhere in my soul I felt like I was dying, left hanging off a cliff by this man. I knew things just were NOT quite right particulary about our finances- but he was well and truely gone by the time I discovered his true deciet and damage. Before he left I requested we attend councelling as a last resort to save our marriage well I was trying everything wasnt that my job???? I always believed help is out there if one is intrested in seeking it and participating in it. But now it seemed a little one sided. Anyway he attended reluctantely. Three sessions it took for him to announce he wanted to seperate from me he asked the councellor to tell me he could not tell me himself. then when he came home he said he didnt want that he wanted a trial seperation. I asked him to stop mucking with my head. I asked him what exactely did he want from me? His reply was this 'I do not want assertive'. When I asked him to explain that to me he just walked away. Which I now know and understand to mean he wanted me to continue to be co dependant. I had worked so hard not trying to play Muppet anymore he just had no use for me in his life because I was no longer playing Muppet. Read The Verbally Abusive Relstionship by Patricia Evans and Controlling People by Patrica Evans. He now considered me a threat to his lies and deciet. Five days later July 2011 he was gone! Packed his life into black plastic bags when we were all out of the house and went without telling anyone not even his children. He text them to let them know he wasnt coming back. He never informed me, his absense of belonings I persume was his message to me that he was not coming back. A total coward. Cruel and cold. I called him the ice man. No feeling, no inclusion, no heart.

    After his grand exit to my horror I found out he had been hatching this plan since November 2010 when he took money from joint bank accounts without my knowledge. He had been leading me up the garden path, its no wonder he did not want to go to councelling. Waist of money he said.

    Many of you asked why do men do this? It took some time to figure this one out. My husband left in July 2011 but I have been tring to figure him out for the last five years or so as I had been doing a lot of reading about relationships and seekign a way to improve myself as a person. I was in a way now I suppose on a spiritual life path of recovery without even knowing it and still am on that journey. Anyway my thoughts on it are this: They do it because they do not or can not feel empathy with othres. (they see no wrong it what they are doing)

    I understand it like this: I had to stop taking what he did personal - because if it was not me he would have done it to some other woman he was in a relationship with and will in the next relationship also. It could have been anyone he married per say: its because I was his close significant other! Who broken through the wall of his deciet. Or lifted his false sense of self. Removed the 'self' he was trying to guard.

    If I had remained as Muppet not seen what I had seen or remained in his eyes the prefece ideal woman for him he would probably have stayed with me. Maybe? BUT and there is a big but here. He would only have been able to stay if he could have continued to do two things not feel abondende by me, as I was saying to him this is not working I can not do this anymore (a hudge threat to a border line personality) or he would have continued to decieve himself by living the life he was always living in the background: living past his means: delusional: spending and borrowing money he could not afford. Putting us in financial situations that were damaging (he took charge of all finances and loans: he believed it was his right to do so) no inclusion of his partner, and if challanged on ANYTHING that he considered was HIS I was told to back off! Accept it! It was his money! Or what was my problem? Or if I continued to question him I was told 'I was the problem!'or Why was I causing arguments? even thought I wanted open discussion.

    So you can not negociate in this situaion which such an adult. Its like trying to deal with a two year old trantrum. Because he did not hear me. In a way he did not even see me as a person in my own right. If I continued to agree with him fine! But disagree with him no! When I did not agree with him I became somethign else in his imaginary world of a woman.You see his perfect wife would not disagree with him!

    I now truely believe what someone else said in there comments: he has done me a favour by leaving. No matter how painful it is. Yes he has. I loved this man with all my heart I married him because I loved him it was that simple for me. I was so easy please so grateful. Needy and caring. I thought he was the one. The perfect victim for an abusive relationship. Until I woke up! He did me a big favour by leaving. I now know I set myself up for a hudge donwfall.I trusted him when yet agan all the tell tale signs were there from the beginning for him not to be trusted! But again I ignored them.

    I remember a week or so before he left I was prying I am not a religious person I am spiritual. I had moved out of our bedroom because the relatonship had no intimacey, emotional or spiritual attachment for some time. We had a hudge argument and I had enough of his abuse so I wanted some distance from him. One day when I was feeling really low I sat on the bed crying begging for guidance I felt so lost and confused. Do you know what the answer was? 'Let go, and let God'. I fought against this message big time because it was not what I wanted to hear. You still in my heart I still had hope all would be well. In my heart I still wanted to rescue this relationship I believed it could be saved because you dont throw away 23 years of marriage just like that but 'if he would just try' but he would not try.He became more distant and aloof.

    Every day I try to let go and let god some days are better than others but I now know from the pit of my stomach and from the core of my heart I deserve better than the crumbs he dished out to me. I deserved better than to be treated the way this man has treated me. It took me 23 years to figure that out.

    I will be 50 years old in 2012 and I had so many regrets in the beginning hammering myself that I did not see this shock coming sooner.. Or that I shoud have left him instead. But with councelling, and reading to understand the dynamics of these distructive relatisnships I made a decision: I am not going to waist one more moment regretting.

    I said I have had regrets but this relationship gave me three wonderful children and some happy days, but too many sad days. But it also gave me the guts to eventually face the facts that I was emotioanally and financially abused by a man I loved. And to accept that this is unaccetable. I gave him my soul I invested all of me in him. What does that say about me? I needed to look at me and change what I am doing to make me a more healthy person.

    Next time I will honour myself more before I give myself so easily to love and respect my own great gifts like: honesty, openness, courage, trust, and the willingness to learn to understand what is going on and my loylaity. To pull away much sooner when my gut tells me to do so, to trust my instincts.

    I would like to send my love and best wishes to all who are healing from the pain of abandoment. The one sure thing we should never do is abandon ourselves. Each of us has more strength than we give ourselves credit for. You and I will make it. These men whom leave have to be pitied more that condemmed because they are not fully alive inside. It is my belief if they were, they would not crush the people they claim they love by abandoning them and leaving a pool of tears to be wiped up by the women who loved them.

    But we can dry our tears and begin to love ourselves enough to know we are worthy of love. I had my love invested in the wrong man. I deserved better so do all of us. Take care x H

  • Anonymous-3

    My boyfriend suddenly left me a year and a half ago after 5 years of what i thought was a happy relationship.

    It came totally out of the blue. We had just booked a 4 week trip together to America. His behavior leading up to the abandonment was normal, he went to work, told me he loved me and a week before it was my birthday and he showered me with thoughtful gifts. He was on the surface a kind and loving man. It took me 10 weeks of therapy and time to realize that the man I loved in a way died that day.

    I never saw him again, he walked out the door and wouldn’t take my calls, he said it was too hard for him! On top of that 2 weeks later he publically announced he was dating his new girl friend, which he is still with to this day. He publically humiliated me and wrote me an angry email to tell me to stop trying to contact him immediately after the break up. He then lied to his family about the way he went about the break up and told our mutual friends we where always fighting and having problems prior to the break up. His behavior was abuse. Period.

    If this has happened to you, be prepared for it to take longer to get over. Its a year and a half for me. The best thing I could do was to make a new life for myself and live the way I wanted. Ultimately I can look in the mirror and say I did nothing wrong. I trusted and loved him and isn’t that great! I have that capacity. Also this kind of behavior is very uncommon and I'm unlikely to experience it again within another relationship. Normal people in relationships with intelligent people don't live a lie and portray themselves as something they are not, this is narcissistic and border line phycopatic. I thank god I never had children with this man.

    Fast-forward 18 months. I have met a caring and communicative man, who’s brave enough to show his feelings and be vulnerable. This in turn has helped me be vulnerable again to love with his patience. No matter what, I made a promise to myself that the only thing that mattered was now to develop the strength to say yes to love, to my family, my friends and myself most importantly. I have even forgiven my ex. His actions came from fear and fear is close to love, but it is not love and that’s why I forgive him, because he can’t face his own fears and he is a victim of the break up not me. With wonderful new friends and old friends who stuck by me and listened to me, a wonderful therapist and a beautiful loving family I got through it. I nursed myself emotionally back to life and you can do it too. We are strong women. God bless xx

  • Anonymous-4

    I dated a guy and he left then he came back and said he did not want to ever be without me so we moved in together. I tried to forget the past but struggled with why he left in the first place.and then..he did it again.I could not belive it. I have tried to say in the realm of love and forgiveness toward him but it has not been easy. To be left with so many questions. He also would not talk to me. Then out of the blue he sent me a birthday card. I wrote him an email and asked why he had sent it and he did not respond! Needles to say it created the pain and confusion all over again. I have to say had I been honest with myself he never was much of a communicator especially in regards to talking about relationship issues. The writing was on the wall but I refused to see it.....so painful

  • elizabeth

    After 22 good years I fell I'll, both mentally and physically, I was on my knees, in terrible pain and suffering side effects of medication. I had the worst 6 months of my life, crying helplessly praying the pain would go and after some time managed to get out of bed. My partner was very caring and loving throughought. It must have been awful for him, I can't begin to imagine. Anyway I finally got up and he pushed me to start working. I wasn't ready for this but did what he asked. I would work whilst in constant pain but kept on going, I was so grateful to him, I had found the most peace I'd felt in years at this time, I felt cared for and I was truly trying to get my my life back together when after a difficult few days together he left me and went to live with his parents, rang me at work to tell me it was over. He rollercoasted me emotionally at this time, not sure if he wanted to stay or not. It was awful. After 3 months he came back, has made no effort, talks to me like I'm a piece of dirt at times, makes me feel cheap, worthless and has almost trampled what pride I have. I'm struggling to cope day by day with the pain I'm in. I just want him to finish what he started and go. I love him but his behaviour is unacceptable. I am exhausted and afraid of experiencing the depression I had before, although that was a medical enduced problem, it scared me very much. Help and advice would be greatly received.

  • Anonymous-5

    My ex girlfriend and I are in our late forties. After seven years of dating she started to be bored and called me boring. She would go out with friends but would not want to spend time with me. i think she wants to play the field as she is a very fit and attractive women looking much younger than she is, and gets many men trying to talk to her. i could give more details about negative things that she did but basically I asked her about these things and she turned everything on me and walked into her house and that was it. She has blocked my calls and will not talk to me. It has been almost two months without communication and find it very difficult at times. I know it is over, but it sure is hard to be in love to be abandoned.

  • Fred UK

    Hi I have read all of the comments on this site. I seem to be a minority.

    i am a man was in a relationship for 13 years with someone i loved dearly. I had an accident which left me with a mobility disability, then was diagnosed with Cancer in 2010. Then open heart surgery in 2013 to replace my Aortic valve. I thought she was behind me. Only to discover she had maxed my credit card £5000:00, then discovered household debts of another £1000:00 she had run up and put solely in my name. Then discover texts from another man. She blatantly denied this. I have many disabilities i said. But blindness wasn't one of them. She led me a merry dance for months. I asked on numerous occasions

    Was the relationship over.?. It's not as simple as that she said she couldn't give me a yes no answer. 18 months on, I never got an answer. I have uncovered lies going back 12/13 years to the start of our relationship. She has been online dating, bought a new car. She left me devastated apparerently she had hidden these debts etc for at least 5 years. Therefore our relationship was a lie.

    who was this person i spent 13 years with what a waste. Fred 59 uk

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