Please help me..
I am in my late thirties..and with lot of mental struggle within me. I have recently started my PhD and this started soon after that. I was a young, energetic girl until I made a decision to do my higher studies abroad. It’s my third year here and already I feel like I am in living hell.
These days I never want to go out. I close my doors shut and and just want to sleep. I am scared of the outside world. I don’t want to eat and don’t want to do anything. This fear inside me stops me from concentrating on anything and focus and determination are nowhere to be found.
I am not going to college and didn’t inform my supervisor and this thought of cheating kills me every second. I am scared and worried what my colleagues will think about me being lazy and incapable.
I went through a breakup last year and was really giving my best to cope. But recently I saw this guy’s marriage photos and it’s really really killing me.
I just feel like only death is a solution. Please help me. I tried self hypnosis..to meditation..to everything. I donno what I should do? Everyday I wake up at 6 and just lie down in bed with this infinite fear squeezing me from getting up..I am going crazy.
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- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
It is clear and obvious that you are under an enormous amount of stress. Any one of the changes in your life would be difficult enough to cope with. For example, starting a new PhD program is difficult. However, added to that you have the task of adjusting to life abroad and of coping with feelings of loss and outrage connected twith your ex boyfriend getting married. Any of these alone could cause a severe stress reaction. Stress is also associated with feelings of extreme anxiety and depression. That is where your suicidal thoughts are coming from.
You have a number of options and they will be presented simply as suggestions and not absolute requirements:
1. You could stop your work in the PhD program and return home. The danger of doing that are that you will feel disappointed in yourself unless you can apply to similar programs near where you live.
2. Another option is to find out whether whether or not the school you are studying in has a student counseling department where you might get help for your problems. Short of that, you could do some research and ask some questions in order to locate psychiatrists and psychologists where you are now located. I don’t know the country you are in but, today, Western nations usually provide similar mental health services as in the United States.
3. You could ask for a temporary leave from your program, return home, seek psychological and psychiatric help and then return to the program when you feel better.
It is without question that you need psychological help and as soon as possible. Being so fearful that you cannot go out and, as a result, not attending classes are symptomatic of serious emotional problems. The fact that you are thinking about suicide makes you situation dangerous. Before anything else, you must seek help and, if none is available where you are studying, take a leave, and return home.
Byn the way, whatever your fellow students may or may not think is unimportant. They don’t know you, you don’t know what they think and it makes no difference.
There is help. You need to seek it as soon as possible.
Best of Luck