I am a 33 year old female. At different times, throughout my life, I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Rapid- Cycling Bipolar, ADHD, and possibly OCD and Narcolepsy. The problem is that I never stick with any of the mental health providers or treatments that may or may not have helped me but, instead, have developed a methamphetamine addiction. I feel that it truly helps me. It calms me down, helps me think more clearly, allows me to focus, improves my self- image, and even seems to help me see through some of the symptoms of my mental illness.
I don’t use like other addicts who want to get high and act like it. I just use enough to make me ok. Through my controlled use I had gotten my associates degree, a great job, and things were really going ok.
Then, I was found out and had to stop using. I turned to alcohol which is one of the worst things I could have ever done. I lost custody of my kids, due to my drinking. I tried to stop drinking and took the prescriptions my doctor wanted me to, but they just made the “roller-coaster” worse and, for the first time since I was a kid, felt suicidal. So I stopped taking them. I ended up getting a different job and moved to an area where meth was readily available. I began using again and I began to resemble a productive member of society.
Then the cops did a no-knock search of my appartment. My boyfriend, also a meth user, was an obvious tweaker and now I’ve lost everything and am facing charges as well. I just don’t understand why the only thing I have found to make me better is the one thing I can’t have.
Is there some legal medication resembling methamphetamine, in the way it affects my brain at least, that could be prescribed, so that I can be ok?
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You appear to be in denial about the dangers of meth. The plain and simple fact is that, in mixing substances to make the drug, all kinds of dangerous chemicals are used. In fact, some of those chemicals are used to increase the available volume of the drug. It is also extremely addicting and, therefore, it’s amazing that you could so easily stop using.
You also seem to be in denial about the fact that you are engaging in drug abuse. In other words, it is not just that you are using this substance to help you function, but are living with a man who is a tweaker. That goes far beyond using any substance for medical benefit.
Please remember that I am not a medical doctor and I am not a medical doctor who is a psychiatrist. Having said that I will venture an opinion that the fact that you seem to have gained some benefit from meth, it’s possible that you do have ADHD. Meth is a dangerous stimulant and that is why it “helped.” If this is correct then you might benefit from some of the stimulant drugs used for the treatment of ADHD. You really need to speak to a psychiatrist. I must warn you that is is possible that at least some doctors will not prescribe any of those medications because of your history of drug abuse. However, there is never anything wrong with getting a consultation and asking. It is possible that you may need some of the medications you were on before.
Best of Luck